Friday, September 26, 2008
Friday Thoughts and Links
BREAKING: Natalie Portman no longer Dating a Yeti.
Ah, Natalie. My tiny bottled brand name water of hott. My little jello shot of perfectly formed Librarian Glasses Wearing Brunette. I would put thee over my knee and softly paddle thy upper thigh area with my collection of vintage Hot Wheels cars until you asked me why I was using words like "thee" and "thy."
And I'd stop, and apologize, and get you a Mr. Pibb from the kitchen.
Come to me, Natalie. I will regale you with made-up stories about my adventures on the high seas battling pirates and whales, and then we'd make out while watching Mad Men.
Speaking of Semitic Hotts, Sarah Silverman may be quirky and odd, but she still Gefiltes My Fish. Now that she's dumped Jimmy Kimmel's ginormous melonhead, I'll add her to the list of those who will find their inner thighs softly paddled by vintage Hot Wheels cars.
Congrats to our newest enshrinement in the hallowed Hall of Scrote Fung, listed below his earlier formulation as a Prompa. And congrats to HCwDB of the Week winner, I Say, Old Chap, who will fill in admirably in the Monthly.
As of this morning, the Hot Chicks with Douchebags book was #10 on Amazon's "Literary Theory" bestseller list, directly between Walter Benjamin's "Reflections" and a book on philosopher Giordano Bruno. My life is complete.
And lets not forget The Slim Trim Razor, for that perfectly coiffed douche-face.
Los Angeles smells like burnt umber. But it's sunny. And everyone's happy. So who am I to complain.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 1:07 PM 
Comments:
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My faith in God has been reaffirmed! The Holy Land has not been lost!
-Ponderonymous
-Ponderonymous
# posted by 
: 1:12 PM
: 1:12 PM
Congrats, DB1! Now that the lovely Natalie has dumped Douchevendra Baghart, she is finally free to become your future ex-wife.
Or mine if I meet her first.
Or mine if I meet her first.
allow me to reiterate, particularly since the Yeti presents such an analysis- are rednecks with mullets douche?
They certainly capture the aura of self confidence, and are a spectacle of materialism, but does their non-conformist stylings rate on the scrote scale?
They certainly capture the aura of self confidence, and are a spectacle of materialism, but does their non-conformist stylings rate on the scrote scale?
# posted by : 1:14 PM
: 1:14 PM
good call on the FUNG issue.his place in the HoS is well deserved.
and by well deserved i mean he should deserves to die.
and by well deserved i mean he should deserves to die.
"And congrats to HCwDB of the Week winner, I Say, Old Chap, who will fill in admirably in the Monthly."
Oh, an edit is in order.....unless of course you're doing that as I type here.
Oh, an edit is in order.....unless of course you're doing that as I type here.
Sarah Silverman is the only chick who's ever used the words "douche-nozzle" and "circum-super-sized" and still made me want to shmear her bagel.
You are indeed wise oh DB1?
My child Fung is inshrined in grace, and all of HCwDB is at peace once again.
These past 2 weeks have been the best in HCwDB history!
And when I say best, I mean fuck you Fung, Old Chap and of course Fish Slap.
Good night everybody!
-Adolf Skroatler von Baggenstein
-Taste me, I'm Fungalicious
My child Fung is inshrined in grace, and all of HCwDB is at peace once again.
These past 2 weeks have been the best in HCwDB history!
And when I say best, I mean fuck you Fung, Old Chap and of course Fish Slap.
Good night everybody!
-Adolf Skroatler von Baggenstein
-Taste me, I'm Fungalicious
i would leave my wife for sarah s. that video is hilarious.
thanks for doing the right thing db1.
time to get drunk!
thanks for doing the right thing db1.
time to get drunk!
Like Solomon offering to divide a baby in half to settle a dispute between two quarreling yentas, our wise and fearless leader showed great wisdom in solving a crisis of biblical proportions.
And by crisis, I mean Fung. And by Fung, I mean fuck you a thousand times!
And by crisis, I mean Fung. And by Fung, I mean fuck you a thousand times!
Speaking of biblical proportions...
I have cracked open a fresh bottle of Maker’s Mark and a package of tube socks.
Trust me when I say you don’t want to be anywhere near this piece in about 3... 2... 1...
...Cheersth!
I have cracked open a fresh bottle of Maker’s Mark and a package of tube socks.
Trust me when I say you don’t want to be anywhere near this piece in about 3... 2... 1...
...Cheersth!
speaking of Hollywood starlets.....
guess who likes anal sex?
Anne Hathaway. and i am shitting you negative. (pun!) check the latest issue of Esquire mag.
naughty girl.
it's been a fun week here. you all have a fantastic weekend. i am going to start drinkin' now.
guess who likes anal sex?
Anne Hathaway. and i am shitting you negative. (pun!) check the latest issue of Esquire mag.
naughty girl.
it's been a fun week here. you all have a fantastic weekend. i am going to start drinkin' now.
Why is natalie portman's ex wearing xenu's tampon around his neck in this pic?
# posted by : 5:47 PM
: 5:47 PM
@ Adolph:
You get an A for effort. I would've liked to see a hot chick, but Fung was clearly HoS material. The only constructive criticism I would have is that you don't need to campaign quite as hard in the future. The hunters around here seem more than capable of being able to weed out the poo from the... er, poo.
Congrats and good on you! Now that you've blown your load the next submission will be easier.
You get an A for effort. I would've liked to see a hot chick, but Fung was clearly HoS material. The only constructive criticism I would have is that you don't need to campaign quite as hard in the future. The hunters around here seem more than capable of being able to weed out the poo from the... er, poo.
Congrats and good on you! Now that you've blown your load the next submission will be easier.
# posted by : 6:03 PM
: 6:03 PM
Natalie Portman was ruined for life when she appeared in "The Professional" and thought it was reality. You might even call it "programmed behavior."
Sarah Silverman is a disgusting she-Yid who'd tell personal bed-secrets to anyone who'll listen. Skank. She's even lower than Madonna on the scale of "Look at me, what a fine 'ho I is."
She could learn a few things from one we all know has "been around" but who doesn't talk: Angie Dickinson. She just smiles, and smiles, and smiles, and smiles...
Sarah Silverman is a disgusting she-Yid who'd tell personal bed-secrets to anyone who'll listen. Skank. She's even lower than Madonna on the scale of "Look at me, what a fine 'ho I is."
She could learn a few things from one we all know has "been around" but who doesn't talk: Angie Dickinson. She just smiles, and smiles, and smiles, and smiles...
# posted by : 7:11 PM
: 7:11 PM
I was pleased to learned he called his band Megapuss.
Is it possible for a yeti-douche to be so self-aware?
Is it possible for a yeti-douche to be so self-aware?
# posted by : 7:16 PM
: 7:16 PM
@pfah
Hopefully her recent ex also likes it backdoor, considering his upcoming prison situation.
That said, I would violate Anne in any way she requested, even if it didn't involve being in the same room.
And finally, find and watch "Havoc" if you haven't already. You not only get to see Anne topless, but you get classic quotes such as, "My nipples are so hard!" and "Don't you want to fuuuuuuck me?" It's not what you would call a "good" movie, in terms of plot, sense, or character, but it's very good in the "Anne Hathaway topless" category, which trumps all others.
Hopefully her recent ex also likes it backdoor, considering his upcoming prison situation.
That said, I would violate Anne in any way she requested, even if it didn't involve being in the same room.
And finally, find and watch "Havoc" if you haven't already. You not only get to see Anne topless, but you get classic quotes such as, "My nipples are so hard!" and "Don't you want to fuuuuuuck me?" It's not what you would call a "good" movie, in terms of plot, sense, or character, but it's very good in the "Anne Hathaway topless" category, which trumps all others.
I'm awaiting the email that will let me confirm my message on the razor page:
"The tool (pun intended) for today's time-constrained douchebag to achieve optimum manscaping! Much like the double white belt, Ed Hardy t-shirt, orange/purple skin tone from too much tanning cream, and shellac to hold their blowouts in place (when a mandanna is unavailable), today's douchebag can use this gardening appliance to help him make it to the club in time where he can mack on the bleach-dumb hotties who'll think he's so "manly.""
Meanwhile, R.I.P. to Paul Newman, who despite being a guy many ladies would've done anything to land, he decided to stick wife his wife for 50+ years. For that alone, and especially because he showed disdain for infidelity while in Hollywood of all places, he definitely gets a not-a-douche pass for his next few lifetimes.
"The tool (pun intended) for today's time-constrained douchebag to achieve optimum manscaping! Much like the double white belt, Ed Hardy t-shirt, orange/purple skin tone from too much tanning cream, and shellac to hold their blowouts in place (when a mandanna is unavailable), today's douchebag can use this gardening appliance to help him make it to the club in time where he can mack on the bleach-dumb hotties who'll think he's so "manly.""
Meanwhile, R.I.P. to Paul Newman, who despite being a guy many ladies would've done anything to land, he decided to stick wife his wife for 50+ years. For that alone, and especially because he showed disdain for infidelity while in Hollywood of all places, he definitely gets a not-a-douche pass for his next few lifetimes.
That should read "decided to stick with his wife....."
Ouch. Either way, I wouldn't mind seeing a quip about him on here as an anti-douche example. Plus, Joanne was quite a hott in her own right.
Ouch. Either way, I wouldn't mind seeing a quip about him on here as an anti-douche example. Plus, Joanne was quite a hott in her own right.
respect to Paul Newman, a great actor ("Cool hand Luke") and, above all, a great man.
FroggyStyle
FroggyStyle
# posted by : 10:18 AM
: 10:18 AM
sweet man satchel, douche. thank god this is over. i can now say she is cool again.
# posted by : 3:36 PM
: 3:36 PM
There is a startling and troubling similarity between Natalie's Beard and Thursdays Amanda's Beard. It is unmistakable. The thick lustrous hair overly oiled, yet the beard coarse and dry, yet kempt. Adorned with man purse...ridiculous jewelery, matching wristbands or a scarf that looks like a souvenir from a Holland America cruise with his grandparents....What are they both hiding? What are they afraid of? Their beards may say I am strong, I and proud, I am man....but there is a fragility...perhaps some dark secret....some sinister alien plan to populate the earth with non threatening post-graduate philosopher types who love entourage and tofu...the through the looking glass douche....too many contradicitons!!....is beard one in the same...do the beards share genetic material....the beards are not your run of the mill orange geled up muscle head douche.....they are something much more clever...he has a beard...We think...He isn't vain...but he is....the beard may decide to not bather regularly to heighten his scent....he's the vainest son-of-a-bitch you've ever met...the anti-douchebag in this case personified by a tale of two beards is the worst kind of douchebag....cause ya never see them comin until its too late...
....on another note...a yeti in hand is worth two in the beard...
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....on another note...a yeti in hand is worth two in the beard...
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