Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Ask DB1: Dating a Bleeth
----Dear DB1,
For the last few months I have been hanging out with this girl from work. She is very attractive, smart, and independent. Needless to say, I'm very attracted to this hottie.
However, there is a small problem. Recently, she started "bleething" ever so slightly. Hanging out with rockstar wannabe guys and slowly turning into a douchebaguette.
I'm in a Catch-22 situation here DB1. Either I let her go into the douche abyss, or...I try to keep her from the dark side. Is she worth saving?
In need of your guidance,
LL E-Dogg
---
Whether or not to attempt to pull a hott back from the dark descent into douchescrotewankpooery must be determined on a case by case basis, LLED.
Certain permutations offer hope. For instance, if she flashes gang signs but has not yet started to make sneery facial gestures, there is potential redemption. But if she wears giant D&G sunglasses, snaps gum, and screams "Wooo!" whenever she hears a Katy Perry song, there is no hope and you must move on.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 12:12 PM 
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I think the decision should be directly proportional to the likelyhood that she'll sleep with you LLED.
In other words, do your damndest to condemn the douche and save the HOTT man! what the hell are we doing here if not for that fundamental principle!
And also, what would we call these not quite yet stage 1 Bleeths?
Bleethettes?
In other words, do your damndest to condemn the douche and save the HOTT man! what the hell are we doing here if not for that fundamental principle!
And also, what would we call these not quite yet stage 1 Bleeths?
Bleethettes?
# posted by 
: 12:18 PM
: 12:18 PM 
Gawd! This technicolor abortion of a scarecrow makes me wish his parents were never in the same room together.
LL,
You need to sack up and nip it in the bud
LL,
You need to sack up and nip it in the bud
how does a dude that get rocked in the face with the ugly/AIDS brick get a bleeth like this?
# posted by : 12:25 PM
: 12:25 PM
The scroadmunch in the pic is the bassist from "Caption This" Pinky's band.
If the hott in the pic is LL E-Dogg's (ouch) hott, then she's gone.
If the hott in the pic is LL E-Dogg's (ouch) hott, then she's gone.
this fuckin douche makes my skin crawl I can't believe there are dickheads like this alive
he should be abducted,thrown in a cell and ass raped with a plunger
maybe that would wipe that fuckin look off his faggoty face
he should be abducted,thrown in a cell and ass raped with a plunger
maybe that would wipe that fuckin look off his faggoty face
# posted by : 12:38 PM
: 12:38 PM
looks as if he's wearing ass-less chaps. and his finger looks crazy and by crazy i mean ET long
# posted by : 12:40 PM
: 12:40 PM
@Vin -
"BOOM! Heh heh.....if you need 1 turkey leg, I'll getcha 3. If you need 5 turkey legs, I'll getcha 3."
"BOOM! Heh heh.....if you need 1 turkey leg, I'll getcha 3. If you need 5 turkey legs, I'll getcha 3."
Despite the fact that she's from the other side of the tracks in Stepford, I refuse to offer further judgment until I see what she has to offer.
And by offer I mean, deep conversations, long walks along the East River, and sweaty sandpaper couplings in the bathrooms at Coney Island.
And by offer I mean, deep conversations, long walks along the East River, and sweaty sandpaper couplings in the bathrooms at Coney Island.
I wonder what happens if this guy stands next to a microwave oven while wearing that jacket?
(And an aside to BCS: you need to date girls with better hand dexterity. I've never had a complaint.)
(And an aside to BCS: you need to date girls with better hand dexterity. I've never had a complaint.)
This looks like Pam & Tommy Lee in 20 years...Pam post-boob reduction due to increasing spinal deformities & Tommy post-rehab for the 20th time.
This scurvy of the Earth likes to sneak into the womens' bathroom at night clubs, lock himself in a stall, snort a phat line of coke mixed with bird seed then sift through the garbage for used tampons, suck 'em dry then head back out into the club sticking his fingers into people's drinks and once he reaches the dance floor he unleashes the most rancid fart ever forced upon human nostrils.
Yes this man is a BAD-ASS!
Yes this man is a BAD-ASS!
The chick is wearing leopard print mixed with a cartoon diamond ring crowned with…a crown. Her eyes look as though she feel prey to the ink-and-microscope gag…twice, and she’s standing next to this douche. Sorry, but she’s gone.
On the bright side, it may not be too late to have her take you to the Champaign room for some one-on-one attention with the prospect of negotiating a more “personal” experience.
On the bright side, it may not be too late to have her take you to the Champaign room for some one-on-one attention with the prospect of negotiating a more “personal” experience.
# posted by : 1:24 PM
: 1:24 PM
@suzy
I <3 your avatar...you should make it into a shirt. Add some gigantic tattoo designs, charge $300-$800 each, and in no time we'll see douchebags wearing them on here...
I <3 your avatar...you should make it into a shirt. Add some gigantic tattoo designs, charge $300-$800 each, and in no time we'll see douchebags wearing them on here...
This guy is so tough ...
(crowd) "How tough is he?"
He's so tough ... he once booted his grandmother in the ass for not using enough motor oil to cook his grilled-cheese sandwiches.
(crowd) "How tough is he?"
He's so tough ... he once booted his grandmother in the ass for not using enough motor oil to cook his grilled-cheese sandwiches.
@hypersexualgirl, 1:07 p.m. -
Ummmmm, do you, errrrr, have any friends or sisters who are single?
(hides face)
Ummmmm, do you, errrrr, have any friends or sisters who are single?
(hides face)
This guy is so tough......
He once got his penis stuck in his zipper, he just wenced, and let the skin rot off to get it out.
He once got his penis stuck in his zipper, he just wenced, and let the skin rot off to get it out.
This walking, talking stick-figure isn't even worthy enough to use to scrub the toilet bowl with... something I'm sure he is very familiar with from the days before he dropped out of middle school... at the age of 20.
Samari Scrote is going to hang that finger from a neckchain while he accepts the 2008 Douchie.
Samari Scrote is going to hang that finger from a neckchain while he accepts the 2008 Douchie.
Samurai Scrote laughs at this guy's "toughness."
"Been there, done that," He scoffs. "That's so 2007."
"Been there, done that," He scoffs. "That's so 2007."
This guy is so tough......
He once walked up to Adolf Hitler and asked, "Hey, where's the nearest synagaug?"
Give me a pass on the spelling, we didn't have thosewhere I lived.
He once walked up to Adolf Hitler and asked, "Hey, where's the nearest synagaug?"
Give me a pass on the spelling, we didn't have thosewhere I lived.
Question of the day:
If this tool were to give this bleeth the shocker with those fingers, would she even notice?
Doubtful...very doubtful.
If this tool were to give this bleeth the shocker with those fingers, would she even notice?
Doubtful...very doubtful.
@Don't wheeze
I have two sisters, neither of whom are married. They are nothing like me, however. They're driven, professional ballbuster sorts.
I have lots of single female friends but none in Cincinnati, unfortunately.
I have two sisters, neither of whom are married. They are nothing like me, however. They're driven, professional ballbuster sorts.
I have lots of single female friends but none in Cincinnati, unfortunately.
Thanks, HSG. Can't blame a guy for trying, huh?
"Ballbusters," huh? That used to always sound so painful, but the longer I go, the more.....enticing it seems.
"Ballbusters," huh? That used to always sound so painful, but the longer I go, the more.....enticing it seems.
They are just playing a game to see whether his diseases or her diseases can jump on to his finger.
If she's not a goner LLE-Dogg -- 2 words BODY CONDOM.
If she's not a goner LLE-Dogg -- 2 words BODY CONDOM.
@ASVB...I know it'll end up being a taint or something
Man Keith Richards son gets his license this year and parties with hot blondes, pretty cool
Man Keith Richards son gets his license this year and parties with hot blondes, pretty cool
# posted by : 2:46 PM
: 2:46 PM
I hate to break it to you e-dogg but if you have been hanging out for a few months and have yet to enter the promised land, it's not going to happen.
You are in what Darwin termed the friend zone - a condition where your courtship ritual was ignored and your genes will not be passed on through copulation with you friend.
Hopefully her douchebag friends' elaborate displays were concealing uncontrolable parasites and they will all soon exit the gene pool in a vampire in the sunlight fashion.
You are in what Darwin termed the friend zone - a condition where your courtship ritual was ignored and your genes will not be passed on through copulation with you friend.
Hopefully her douchebag friends' elaborate displays were concealing uncontrolable parasites and they will all soon exit the gene pool in a vampire in the sunlight fashion.
# posted by : 2:46 PM
: 2:46 PM
This pic can best be described as the Chris Angel/Holly Madison effect (very proud of the fact by the way that I had to actually look up her name).
# posted by : 2:50 PM
: 2:50 PM
Jean Claude, thanks. I lost a bet w/ scumbag619 on the Steelers/Chargers game, but they should've beat the spread, but the freaking refs decided to get involved....so this is my "punishment" :)
Although I like your idea...hmmm...
This guy is so tough he pierced his penis with a nail gun
Although I like your idea...hmmm...
This guy is so tough he pierced his penis with a nail gun
Some hotties never learn, because they think they can "change" a man, mold them into what they want them to be.
The hottie-fix-a-douche syndrome rarely ends with positive results for the hottie. So one of two things will happen: (1) hottie will leave douche_1, jaded and angry, and move on to douche_2, thinking she can get different results, or (2) hottie will leave douche_1, jaded and angry, and move on to non_douche_1, where she will likely not need to do much molding. Either way, hottie will be jaded and angry after douche_1. This may take months or years. But the more hottie repeats step (1), the more jaded and angry she will become, and the more 'dust' she will accumulate (see Pamela Anderson), making hottie less hot after each cycle.
Note also that the more step (1) repeats, the less trust hottie will have for all males. Hottie will begin to constantly assume all males are liars, cheaters, shallow, rude, and if you do not fit this description, she will likely ask you, "are you gay?"
These outward signs are kind of like counting the number of rings in a tree trunk to see the age. The more jaded, angry, bitter, afraid, and non-trusting a hottie is, the more she has chosen step (1).
End this cycle!
Note too that hottie will always have some desire to go down path (1) if she has not already, so if she has not had any experience with path (1), that may be an issue.
Good luck!
The hottie-fix-a-douche syndrome rarely ends with positive results for the hottie. So one of two things will happen: (1) hottie will leave douche_1, jaded and angry, and move on to douche_2, thinking she can get different results, or (2) hottie will leave douche_1, jaded and angry, and move on to non_douche_1, where she will likely not need to do much molding. Either way, hottie will be jaded and angry after douche_1. This may take months or years. But the more hottie repeats step (1), the more jaded and angry she will become, and the more 'dust' she will accumulate (see Pamela Anderson), making hottie less hot after each cycle.
Note also that the more step (1) repeats, the less trust hottie will have for all males. Hottie will begin to constantly assume all males are liars, cheaters, shallow, rude, and if you do not fit this description, she will likely ask you, "are you gay?"
These outward signs are kind of like counting the number of rings in a tree trunk to see the age. The more jaded, angry, bitter, afraid, and non-trusting a hottie is, the more she has chosen step (1).
End this cycle!
Note too that hottie will always have some desire to go down path (1) if she has not already, so if she has not had any experience with path (1), that may be an issue.
Good luck!
# posted by : 3:06 PM
: 3:06 PM
LL E-Dogg:
something I learned a long time ago, that over the years it has become a cliche:
"No matter how good looking she is, somebody somewhere is totally sick of her bullshit."
something I learned a long time ago, that over the years it has become a cliche:
"No matter how good looking she is, somebody somewhere is totally sick of her bullshit."
Some people here seem to be mistaking the guy in the photo with the author of the letter. DB1, can you set us straight.
As to you LLED, this is a serious matter. The most salient issues are that you work together and you seem to respect (most of) her. While the proximity and professional hierarchy between your positions makes a difference, you must assess what a nightmare this proto-bleeth could unleash, should the demonesse/sucubus find itself blooming in full manifestation harnessing your cool co-worker as its avatar. (Every Hott is a potential vessel.)
I would say that a simple test might suffice. Introduce her to this website (or purchase a copy of DB1's book for your desk at work) and see how she responds. If she's playfully amused, but not too smitten, she may be pass muster. If she studies it and recognizes its wisdom, then she may be able to find her own salvation. You say she's independent, so it could happen. And if she appreciates the role you have expressed as a savior, but not too much, then you might take the chance.
And only risk it if a potential habit of hot, good sex with a cool woman (however temporary) outbids the security, enjoyment and compensation of your current job on the auction block of your priorities. Full-blown Bleeth tends to be accompanied by psychological symptoms such as Self-Imposed-Perpetual-State Victimhood, First-Impulse-Revenge-Response Tyrantulitus, Macchiaveli-Meets-Monroe Manipulator, and a general capacity to destroy your life when she feels cornered on the other side of the corporate complex. When these conditions erupt you will experience the moment when her beauty, allure and righteous communication skills become your worst enemies.
Beware: From the first time you feed the beast with your man love, its eye opens red and the Sleeping Bleeth stirs inside her. Once that eye focuses on you, there may be no way out but to change time-zones. So choose wisely and be careful.
Go boldly with HCwDB as your guide.
Sincerely,
BD1
As to you LLED, this is a serious matter. The most salient issues are that you work together and you seem to respect (most of) her. While the proximity and professional hierarchy between your positions makes a difference, you must assess what a nightmare this proto-bleeth could unleash, should the demonesse/sucubus find itself blooming in full manifestation harnessing your cool co-worker as its avatar. (Every Hott is a potential vessel.)
I would say that a simple test might suffice. Introduce her to this website (or purchase a copy of DB1's book for your desk at work) and see how she responds. If she's playfully amused, but not too smitten, she may be pass muster. If she studies it and recognizes its wisdom, then she may be able to find her own salvation. You say she's independent, so it could happen. And if she appreciates the role you have expressed as a savior, but not too much, then you might take the chance.
And only risk it if a potential habit of hot, good sex with a cool woman (however temporary) outbids the security, enjoyment and compensation of your current job on the auction block of your priorities. Full-blown Bleeth tends to be accompanied by psychological symptoms such as Self-Imposed-Perpetual-State Victimhood, First-Impulse-Revenge-Response Tyrantulitus, Macchiaveli-Meets-Monroe Manipulator, and a general capacity to destroy your life when she feels cornered on the other side of the corporate complex. When these conditions erupt you will experience the moment when her beauty, allure and righteous communication skills become your worst enemies.
Beware: From the first time you feed the beast with your man love, its eye opens red and the Sleeping Bleeth stirs inside her. Once that eye focuses on you, there may be no way out but to change time-zones. So choose wisely and be careful.
Go boldly with HCwDB as your guide.
Sincerely,
BD1
# posted by : 3:53 PM
: 3:53 PM
I would say if she is hott enough, just surrender to the dark side and buy an Ed Hardy shirt and some LA Looks Hair Gel.
Again, use lightning. It's always worked for me. EIther they run away in terror or they are drawn to you. It's their choice whether they want to further dilute the genes of the human race in douche.
Oh, and look at the big man, he's scowling and flipping off the camera! Take that, society! Oh be scared, that love is all his and we dare not approach...
Oh, and look at the big man, he's scowling and flipping off the camera! Take that, society! Oh be scared, that love is all his and we dare not approach...
The gypsies called ...
they said don't ever embarass them again by dressing like that or they'll put a curse on your ass.
---------------------------------
darksock's mom is so fat it took Sir Edmund Hillary 3 days, 7 hours and 27 minutes to reach her summit.
they said don't ever embarass them again by dressing like that or they'll put a curse on your ass.
---------------------------------
darksock's mom is so fat it took Sir Edmund Hillary 3 days, 7 hours and 27 minutes to reach her summit.
as i was saying, if i was expecting a lawsuit from any of the docuhebags featured on HCwDB, it'd be from this piece of shit. oh and he's probably also gonna threaten to use his Mafia connections like that girl we had a while back.
for what it's worth, though, when that girl started threatening about getting her dad involved in her murky baloney revenge plot against HCwDB, i did advise some caution.
for what it's worth, though, when that girl started threatening about getting her dad involved in her murky baloney revenge plot against HCwDB, i did advise some caution.
Something about this douchebag reminds me of Crapser.
That said, something about this Bleeth reminds me of Pamela Fake-tits.
It might be a fairly humorous occasion to let them loose deep in the heart of Amish country and observe the reactions. It might even scare a few buggy horses off the road.
That said, something about this Bleeth reminds me of Pamela Fake-tits.
It might be a fairly humorous occasion to let them loose deep in the heart of Amish country and observe the reactions. It might even scare a few buggy horses off the road.
# posted by : 10:30 PM
: 10:30 PM
This guy's so tough...
He wore a National Rifle Association shirt at a Velvet Underground concert, that was giving away free meth and switchblades.
He wore a National Rifle Association shirt at a Velvet Underground concert, that was giving away free meth and switchblades.
# posted by : 7:36 AM
: 7:36 AM
This guy's SO tough...
Using his own armpit sweat as lubricant, he jerked off on the entire Persian army.
...after, singlehandedly, defeating them all with a jagged-edged Pepsi can.
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Using his own armpit sweat as lubricant, he jerked off on the entire Persian army.
...after, singlehandedly, defeating them all with a jagged-edged Pepsi can.
# posted by : 7:48 AM
: 7:48 AM << Home
