OK... has this guy made a pact with Ursula the sea-witch and unable to pay????? Any of you mere mortals who have young daughters, who make you play "The Little Mermaid", over and over and over... know of what I speak. He's a creature. If my daughter EVER walks in the house with anything even remotely resembling THAT, I will sacrifice her. I will show this to my sons as 'the BAD thing'. I fear, oh-so-much, for the future.
 

Let me tell ya something Dbag 1. That ShamWell™ guy isn't a douche.... he's a fucking Carney. He's the kind of guy that tries to part you with your money on the midway at the State Fair. I knew I wouldn't be able to knock over those lead milk bottles with a nerf football. But he talked me into it. Wanna buy some ShamWells™ I have a trunk full of them now.

- Douchey Smurf
 

I bet Dj Bello's spray tan stains all the insides of his white hats. What a twat.
 

the best infomerical personas are the throw-down British or Aussie accent dudes.

This photo makes me regret quitting smoking on Halloween.

Crucial – can I bum a smoke?
 

and with that fung pic, i'm out.

have a good weekend everybody...especially all the new female hunters who are making it a lot more exciting around here lately...
 

wait wait wait........ thats a real person?!

thats not a wax model?

that thing breathes the same air as me and u?

that thing bangs chicks??

that thing.... is def a Fung! and i have no idea what that means. but WOW! thats really all i can say......... WOW!
 

That can't possibly be real. It looks like he's wearing one of those Batman Super Muscle Halloween costumes underneath his famboyant sweatshirt. There is just no way in hell. Nah huh. No-ho.

Good Lord.

-Ponderonymous

p.s
Sweet juggling Jesus on a pogostick.
 

Gator's hair is the only thing that moves.
 

Reverse Michael Jackson a la brown shoe polish + uber toolshed tan. Oh Fung, when will you stop the mega toasting of your toilet-skidmark of a face and seek professional help?
 

lessee what's shakin' on Hot Chicks before I leave toda...GAAAHHHHHHH NO! No Sir, Fuck YOU DB1...NOT COOL..NOT COOL MAN...



not cool...
 

It's C. thomas Howell from Soul Man pumped up on 'roids!
 

What the FUCK!!?!

Is he trying to infiltrate Pakistan or something?

His hands aren't even close...maybe the palms are...I bet his cock is burnt umber as well...and his buddy's arse-hole.
 

That Fung’s a real burnt piece of
coyote shit. He looks like a chimney sweeper from the 1700’s. He could double as a Br’er Rabbit’s tar baby.

I quit smoking a year ago, but like Paper / Plastic says, after seeing this picture, this may be a good time to resume a bad habit.

Speaking of bad habits, it’s time for me to pour my first drink of the weekend. I have a date with Hypersexualgirl’s blog in my bathroom in a few short minutes.

Cheers!
 

There have been whispers about this on the conspiracy theory websites: rumors of a lifelike creature developed by an R&D lab deep in the bowels of Black Ops, where they're working on methods to induce shock and awe in the enemy. They prototyped the weapon on the FUNG, knowing that would give the creature the strategically essential element of surprise--for who would ever take a Guido seriously?

He's really just a 21st century update of the WWI-era "lethal joke" that devastated the German infantry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhmnOpoGAPw

The question is, how did DB1 get access to photos of this highly-classified experimental weapon? Could DB1 be a Bilderburger? A Gnome of Zurich?

More importantly, can we handle the truth?
 

thats so damn creepy how gators expression never changes.its like some sort of cyborg or something,he looks human,sorta,but as he peers into the camera its like my soul is being burned.or maybe just so much ritalin and botox injections in his face have made him pretty much like an expressionless zombie
 

@chupacabra, 2:55 p.m. -

I was wondering if you ever noticed this post?
 

Donkey Douche, hailing from Doucheeburg, Illinois uses Shamwows to keep his chest grease at bay.
 

Donk would kick Fung's ass. You followin' me, camera guy?
 

Is this the chocolate guy from the axe commercials?
 

@don't wheeze the douche, 3:25pm

Yes. Once, we were like Chang and Eng. I got sick of being dragged into tanning salons, so I emancipated myself using only a pen knife and Band-Aids. I thought I'd left him behind forever...

P.S.: Your posts are some of the best on this site: eloquent, humane, and funny as all get out. Bonus points for the cute dog (RIP).
 

I wasn't planning on drinking this weekend, but looking at the picture of Fung I just might have to.
 

HAAAAAH!!!1!!

SEE!!!
all you guys used to say "Fung" was Clearly gay b/c of the plucked eyebrows.

This photo disproves your hypothesis; completely.
 

His skin is exactly the same color as lobster bisquet.
 

"It had been over forty years since John Howard Griffin wrote Black Like Me. What the world needed was a modern update, a Jersey Douche who would dye himself black and hit all the clubs. Fung will chronicle his groundbreaking racial experiences in his new book, "Bro! I'm So Hood," to be released this spring."
 

@chupacabra, 3:45 p.m. -

OK, I'm blushing now.

And thanks also about Zombie - while incredibly unsociable due to his initial owners' lack of sense in pet ownership, Zombie was a very sweet dog once he got to know you. I got to live with him (and "sister" Bosco) for a couple of years as sort of a live-in dogsitter, and they made me laugh every day with the things they did. Bosco is also a sweet dog, so I should probably get a photo of her on my Blogger page.
 

he looks like throw up...literally.his skin color got me thinking.what shade of orange is this vial creature? So I referred to the shades of orange chart on Wikipedia(link below), and I am going with Mahogany. Anybody else?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Shades_of_orange
 

I actually applaud young Fung. I mean, the manscaping, wiping on the faux tan, pumping his buff self - all that takes work. Now, perhaps the end result is not the greatest accomplishment - unquestionably douche-bag - but, still, I appreciate someone who puts their heart and soul into something.

Could be worse: he could've put that energy into helping McCain during this past election. Egads...
 

@johnny, 4:58 p.m. -

He's actually Fung Marino, leader of Mahogany Rust.
 

And dark sock, a quick peek after a long layoff shows that you're still in top form. I tip my glass of amaretto to you in honor of your outstanding talent.

Douche on, my man...
 

- Douchey Smurf 2:17 PM
"Wanna buy some ShamWells™ I have a trunk full of them now."
I f#cking blew chunks! Chunks said, "Thanks"

- ASvB ☠
 

Further proof that using Chocolate Axe will turn you, uh, chocolate.

- ASvB ☠
 

Just an observation, Fung NEVER has any pussy with him.

- ASvB ☠
 

F*ck Fung!
On second thought, for the sake of humanity, and to prevent devolution, please don't!
 

Who ever did the "Animated Gator", my hat's off to you my friend. Exceptional job!

- ASvB ☠
 

Great call on the burnt umber. As an art student with sexy librarian glasses, I can back that up.
 

I find it amazing that these people (like or man Fung) have no idea that they are distorted caricatures. How do they not know?!?!?! Someone needs to explain it to me, although I will probably still never get it.
 

Can we please classify him as a brothabag, DB1?
 

For the love of God, Blue Triangle, and all other things holy...PLEASE tell me this is 'shopped. Please? *whimper*
 

Hey, I love the ShamWow guy because he KNOWS he is acting like a douche and is giving a wink to the bagHunters that he is just doing this act to pay the bills.
Come on, the guy is from Germany and everyone knows the Germans make good stuff.
 

After seeing this I think it's time we crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside.
 

I want a fucking ShamWow!

(That's be blocking out everything else I just saw, until it manifests itself later in a horrific PTSD episode where I start gunning down innocent civilians in a corner market in Bengal.)
 

fuck I can't type.
 

Looks like Fung just got done with his first steroid cycle...
 

if Fish Slap and Mr. Hanky had a son, it would be Fung.




have a wonderful weekend my fellow 'bag hunters. it's been an epic Friday.

and i second the motion of welcoming all the new ladies to the site. i tip my hat in your direction.

and by hat, i mean penis.


kidding.


i am truly happy you ladies are killing it in here. welcome.
 

My friend purchased the ShamWow after seeing its glory in the commercial. He says it's worthless.

I'm going to his house tomorrow, I'll test it out and fill you all in.

Germans tend to make good stuff, but not always, see Hitler.
 

thats the most ridiculous attempt at looking ''fit''ive ever seen.first off looking like you had a very bad accident involving lots of alcohol,a searing hot day on a beach,and passing out for 8 hours with sun tan lotion on your face.then the childish muscle suit under his sweatshirt is beyond laughable...who the fuck does this spunkbreath think hes kidding?and furthermore what ad agency took and used this pic???
 

> I want a fucking ShamWow!

Is that a derivative product? Ya know, that might be useful. Sex _can_ be kind of messy...
 

I probably shouldn't taunt the Brotha Bag, but oh well. Sportin' the Dodgers hat?? Sorry bro, you got jacked up by the Phils!
 

Look, that's not real... there's no way, skin doesn't turn that color no matter how long you're under a lamp. If it IS real [shudder] it's spray-on tan, right? Right?

Confidential to Fung: Do the hands too, dude.

I wonder how far the fake tan goes? Down his neck, like a skin dickey?
 

Fung has attained a glorious level of poo beyond all human understanding. Only Samurai Scrote can fathom the metaphysical urgency of the walking cloaca known as Fung. If you scraped the DA grease from Kookie's comb, mixed it with Lark's Vomit and the pus from the malignant tumor on a vole's butt, slathered it on a Ken doll, and zapped it with enough juice to stun an ox, you might get Fung or the hat check clerk from an ice rink. Which, after he finishes community college studying Fuckheadedness 101 for three semesters straight, he migh actually turn out to be.

And I'll say "Oh boy. Right. Again."

I'll just have to let douchebags be douchebags, because the poo is flying thick and heavy and my mind is made up: the only thing he needs is a slice of fartcakes, and he'll be off to the races. Hey mister - wait for me!!!

Let us pray that Samurai Scrote can deliver some insight.
 

I flushed something down the toilet this morning, remarkably it was the same color as Fung's unnatural spray-on tan.

Kudos to whomever produced 'Animated Gator'.

ShamWow is a great product because it's made in Germany? Although genocide is not strictly a Teutonic invention, they kinda have a corner on the market. Not a good product. The schnitzel on the other hand...
 

Does Fung work long hours in a coal mine b/c that's the ONLY way he could be that redonkulous color. That & a tremendous amount of spray tan.

Oh, and just as a point of clarification, ye wise AvSB, but Fung has been see with, ah, girls, although I'm not sure they were there out of their own free will. Jeebus help them & their families.

Have we determined if Fung is one of the Prompas b/c they definitely had chicks?
 

Umm... The Mary Kay rep didn't match Fung's foundation properly with his skin tone. Nice lip gloss though...
 

Fuck me runnin' but does that shirt have chest implants? Jesus Christ does that dude actually think he looks good?
 

What is that, like a 4th degree sunburn?

Fortunately, sun poisoning that bad will probably be fatal.
 

For those of you that, like me, have had a hard time finding related photographic evidence for Speculum Metal on Wikipedia, DB1 has posted Fung for your enjoyment. And by enjoyment, I mean collective dry heaving.
 

Scientist's recently unearthed the missing link to modern douchebags: Ironically, it was the remains of a Guido from the Bronze Age.
 

He looks like a copper yard gnome that has oxidized for eighteen years in a tropical climate.
 

@Medoucha 2.12

Thank you that comment made my day...


Onto Fung, how do you even get that tanned, is their a cow hide setting on the tanning bed, or is it just good old fashioned furniture polish. I hope Fung friday isnt a regular feature I don't think my frontal lobes can take that much Fung.
 

@ Nodbs4me said...

A new catch phrase is born: redonkulous color

Nice work Nodbs4me

- ASvB ☠
 

Don't forget Samurai Scrote he is BLOWING UP!
 

Maybe this is a costume.
He was probably cast as Mr. Hanky in his High School drama club's rendition of "South Park, the Musical".
 

Come on A.S.V.B. you know that carnys are the proto-douche.

D.B.1 thanks for the Fung, jerk style!
 

Fung is an earnest grasshopper. He wants to be a brothabag, but he's Italian, not African. Under my instruction, he bathes in a tub of liquid tan for an hour every day. Soon, he will look like the deepest, darkest naugahyde - the tough waterproof skins made from the nearly extinct nauga. At that point he will no longer be scrote - he will elevate to douchebag first order.

I, Samurai Scrote, am the master douchebag, and my douche level can only be expressed in Cantorian math - infinite infinities of infinitudenous infinity. Infinite.

Soon you will all have shrines in your homes where you will burn toejam and Ax spray in Fung's honor. So find a corner in your home, and bow and scrape before the mighty FUNG!!! For he is poo.

Samurai Scrote has SPOKEN!!!
 

Fung for the douchebag of the year!
 

@ chupacabra

Why didn't I have teachers like you when I was a kid? I wouldn't have been so bloody bored all the time.

I looked atht his photo yesterday. Only for a second, though, before I gagged. Afraid I would empty the contents of my stomach on the floor, I was forced to close the window and look no more. A few hours' sleep, a serious cup of coffee, and I'm a bit more prepared to address.

*ahem*

Kill me. Kill me now.

That is all.
 

Oh, and one more thing, Fung.

Give my four-year-old nephew the top half of his Halloween costume back, you fecal-faced fuckstick.
 

fecal-faced fuckstick

wonderful
 

Thanks a million, Frodouche.

I think it's interesting that the first syllable of "shamwow" is "sham". Caveat emptor.
 

He looks like michael cosa the guido. That type of tanning is called burned to death or some shit like that, it's when you hit 3 tanning salons in row for 45 mins each.
 

that hat is so over-the-top in its douchitude, that its stupidity eclipses every other horrendous aspect of this most heinous photo. it actually took me a while to realize that this douchebag is not of the negroid persuasion. his actual ethnicity seems ambiguous. the hoodie is a real puker.
 

after 40 years and a sex change, he will look like THIS.
 

@ Medoucha

I know creatures & he's not one of us... he is slimy & vile, however

looks like Fung has been hitting the weight pile... I wish it would hit him... from 2 stories up!
 

i think that turkey's cooked. couple weeks early...
 

Fung. That is unearthly. Amazing. I haven't got the words...
 

animated gator is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Fung is the thing in the suitcase in Pulp Fiction.
 

Fung is Michael Jackson in reverse
 

Actually, his head has been photoshopped onto this body by someone in the know.

And we ask, "Fung...who?...WHO did this to you??"
 

Thanks, ASvB, I do what I can, ya know, & appreciate being recognized by one of the "masters" of this site...you rock, dude.

Anywhore, he looks like Hanz & Franz from SNL & I don't mean that in a good way.

Do ya'll remember the urban legend about a girl who went to the tanning bed, like 5x in one day & her organs got fried? If only that would happen in real life to this turd dangling on the end of mankind's butthole...

Also, his eyebrows frighten me. For reals, yo.
 

I like how fung has tanned so much that he's pretty much black...
 

@ steve zodiac-

BWAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! That's TRULY horrifying. And the expression on the kid's face who's looking at her is priceless. Thanks for kicking off my work day in proper fashion--soaking my laptop screen in Medusa-spit flavored coffee.
 

@ ASvB 3:49 AM

Thanks for placing that link on that particular SS page.

We were riffing that day....
 

he looks like he's wearing george michael's muscle suit
 

he forgot to dye his hands...
 

Don't wait! Get your tickets now! FUNG ON BROADWAY!!!
 

The transformation is complete. He's gone from orange, to purple, to black. His training is complete. And exactly how much Animal Pack must one consume to fill up like a pool raft in less than a year like this bag of regurgitated McRibs?
 

Sorry, that's Animal Pak. C's aren't extreme enough to be used by the makers of Animal Pak.
 

Oh, and if anyone here is into Tool ( the band ). Watch the Animated Gator whilst listening to the first minutes of Reflection off of Lateralus. It will kinda link up to Danny Carey's infectious beats.

And when did he get his picture taken with gay Ralph Machio?
 

LOL very zen Gator animation. Seasons change but Gator douche gaze is eternal.
 

When you go from orange to purple or black, well, that describes one thing: GANGRENE. Except there is a shade of green somewhere in there which was left out in describing FUNG.
Oh, you say he drinks green tea? Thank you very much.
 

Mock not the ShamWow guy.

He is under my protection and no harm shall come to him.
 

What's up with the Germany bashin'?! WWII and the Holocaust are the only things people can relate to Germany?

I am sure it is a fine product, leave it to an American douche to sell it to us for $29.99.


The real story here of course being Fung. Is he offering himself as Thanksgiving feast to a tribe of cannibals? I would say he is done!
 

Did Fung fall in while he was working the Frialator at Arby's?

Fuck Fung. FUCK FUNG.

My blood is now boiling. I gotta go stock up on my angry mob supplies.
 

DYNOMITE!
 

nome sayn?
 

That is umpapropa(sp) SIAP
 

I'm looking forward to the picture we get in 20 years with Fung's face being eaten away by squamous cell carcinoma. Delicious.
 

@ everyone..

This cant be real it looks to fake. If its real I feel bad for a life as we know it. Only Donkey douche can save us now.
 

100% Fungus.
 

Fuck
Fung
 

tanning booth accidents are the #1 killers of douche bags... he should consider himself lucky
 

Everyone! I want you to meet:
Joey "SprayMe" Franconi - founder of Jersey's 'One day I will look back at this picture and shoot myself' elks lodge, chapter 10. He will be hosting the annual "this sweater is too small for me contest" Saturday night. Be there or be gay!
 

i thought robert downey jr did a good job getting into character for tropic thunder but this guy is seriously into his role as doucheungus jackson