When Barthes talked about the "Zero of the Signified" I don't think this scrotebag asshat was the "zero" he had in mind.
 

What prompts these white girls to hang with the douche is beyond me.

And why "Standing Douche" is wearing her glasses further perplexes me.

"Sitting Douche" either has his hat pulled over his ears, or his ears fell off. It's not nice to make fun of the disabled, so I'm giving him a pass.

ASvB
 

ooops. too many windows open on computer. didn't notice the crouching waldouche. so make my statements "plural" - they all suck. even the bleeth. Bleaaah.
 

The hand signs mean:

A) We like bulls
B) She likes 1 in the pink, 1 in the stink
C) I am 2 years away from graduating from community college
 

@ Troy

Come on boy, get your shit together man.
 

OMG, this is a douchefest! Look at the choads in the background!!
 

Thanks db1 i'm going to start drinking sooner then intended now.
 

nice thighs on the chick in the pink in the background.
 

I betcha Pinky's family was pissed when she at 1/2 the f#cking turkey!
 

Even The Pope throws the mano cornuta with more style than these asshats.
 

I know that is a Nationals hat that sitting douche has on but for him the "W" means WASTE.
 

I don't get it--one minute the TV news is talking about the "next Great Depression."

Cut to people camping out in sleeping bags in front of a store to spend money on nicknacks they don't need...
 

Ah, yes... The constant sunglasses. Even when it's cloudy outside and nobody else is wearing them. It's like they're part of their body, their self. Maybe they're like the Terminator's glasses, displaying vital information, such as Inhale. Exhale. Lift right hand and throw horns. Inhale... I wonder if they wear them to the sack too. All the better, 'cause no self-respecting woman wants to be met mid-ecstasy with the distant gaze of a mind fretting about missing tomorrow's cure at the tanning salon due to overbooking. But then again, no self-respecting woman would...

Ah, whatever.
 

Guy on the bottom has a face that looks like a burn victim, where the hell did his ears go, are they actually tucked under his shades...
 

Her cleavage is known as "The Great Depression".
 

"Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won't. We're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."

It's so true...
 

@ anonymous 10:14

Shows what I know, I thought it was for Walgreen's. No, really, I did. Look at the "W" in their logo.

I perosnally salute Black Friday by not buying jack shit. And furthermore, I will use this fine public forum, and my privilege of free speech while it lasts, to publicly declare the following:

I HATE CHRISTMAS.

There. I said it. I have no hesitations, no reservations, and I make no apologies. I have been called Scrooge, Bitch, Asshole, Grinch, et. al. and I don't give a trapeeze-flying fuck. The last thing I want is to jam into a mall like a sardine in a can with ten thousand other people who don't even believe in Jesus anyway, spending money I don't have on shit that people don't need and who I really don't like anyway. I grew up Catholic so I had more than my share of the Advent flagellations and pomp that go with it, Christmas being the giant anti-climax to a tinsel-crusted fuckfest that filled me with sugar-addled anxiety form the time I was a wee little gorgon. So there. Fuck Christmas.

In the meantime, Pink-striped boobie slippage has made me smile a little, despite the fact that I hear christmas carols from the TV on every.fucking.commercial.over.and.over. until I want to skullfuck myself with the remote.

Ok, I'm done now. Sorry.

Boobies. Yay.

Poo. Boo.
 

Jean-Claude is that from Fight Club?

So true, it aint even funny....
 

@ Medusa

Others will offer marriage, but seeing I'm from the other side of the Pond, I'll just offer humble words of praise.

I hate what Christmas has turned into too. Just another excuse to indulge in mindless consumerism. But that's Mr. Troy's expertise. For me, it's best exemplified in people buying each other sex aids for under the Christmas Tree.

Nothing says "the birth of Christ" like the Fist of Fury.
 

@Anon 11:30

Yes.

@Pencil Doucher

Samurai Scrote uses the Fist of Fury as a toothpick.
 

How did highlights turn into skunk stripes? Nothing says Ho'bag like skunk stripes.
 

Neither Ronnie James Dio, nor his sorceress Granny had these choads in mind.
 

@medusa

My favorite part of Christmas is the foul combo of depression and rage it fills in almost everyone that "celebrates" it, as well as many people who don't. I love not being able to get near stores for necessary goods for over a month.

That said, the "trapeze flying fuck" you describe intrigues me. I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter. And rub your feet.
 

Finish this Christmas jingle:
All I want for Christmas is....

Standing douche: More hair gel and star tattoos

Hottie: Daddy to pay off the loan I got for my new ta ta's

Sitting douche: PROTEIN! SANTA I TOLD YOU TO GET ME SOME MORE PROTEIN!
 

When a guy gets killed by a stampeding herd of consumer cows bent on getting cheap shit at a Long Island Walmart, you know the end is near.

I start digging my bunker tomorrow.
 

@ pencil doucher 11:54

Bloody hell, where were you a week ago?!? I was in London, panicking about finding a way to stay there without going through the hurdles. I would gladly accept a marriage proposal in exchange for citizenship. I will gladly cook and clean. And I can be coerced into other things with the right amount of chocolate so you feel you got something out of the deal besides clean socks.

As for the Fist of Fury, I saw an awful lot of such things on my visit. I should have brought some home, that would have made Christmas a lot more amusing.

@ Mr. White
I'm working on the newsletter as we speak. I'll get into the explanation of the trapeeze-flying fuck in the next issue. My arches are extra-tickly, I like that.
 

Medusa Oblongata, you have perfectly summarized my own attitude towards Christmas, although I will add a line that I always use on people who try to force me into their "Christmas Spirit":

Which is this -

"If the Virgin Mary had only had access to a wire hanger, we could have avoided the whole bloody nonsense completely."

That usually shuts them up.

That said, I am proud to say that I did my part today to drive the final nail into the coffin of the rotting, putrid corpse of the American economy by not spending a dime on anything.


Oh, and nice titties on the bleeth.
 

Frodouche, that Pope link was great, thanks, it made my day.

Why bother shopping anymore when it can be done online? If you really, really want to "gift" someone, do it here. Forget the malls. Oh, antique malls are okay, it's all being recycled and that's a good thing.(Martha Stewart again).

Stay home and catch up on yard work.

Better yet, make something yourself, like a well-made craft or home-canning or baking. Wise folken with other interests don't go a mallin'...

And indeed, it was Black Friday at WalMart on Long Island. I hope the Pope has something to say about the sordid ordeal. I thought that trampling to death went out with the spate at rock concerts. And breaking the glass to get in, and STILL trampling? Sounds like every thug on parole was there.

Sorry, I cannot bring myself to mock this picture too much, the day's happenings at the Store are more heinous than the crime of looking and acting like douchebags.

However, she does have cute boobs.
 

I've never seen anyone tuck their ears inside a ballcap as if he's trying to be aerodynamic.
It's very weird-looking.
This picture is just so wrong in many ways:
the hairless tatted twin-chinfung douche-brothers, her strange multi-hue hair, all of them displaying la mano cornuta.
Notice that it is an overcast day, yet they are wearing sunglasses. In fact, the twin-douches are the only ones wearing sunglasses. What is that all about?
 

@ Medusa

I was right here. But I couldn't have helped you there, as I'm a meager 900 miles away from London. However, if you ever choose a country with a confidence range of 3.1 on the Transparency International's CPI list (i.e. highly corrupt) as your holiday destination, I'd be more than happy to accommodate you.

P.S. Footjobs are a given, and I'd have to see your feet first. You'd also have to put up with my Eastern-European-bad-guy-from-a-Chuck-Norris-flick accent, but I'm always in possession of large amounts of Swiss chocolate.
 

@ pencil doucher

Wow! Baghunting is alive and well in Croatia!!! Good work, sir. Well, I have no camera to prove it, but the feet are smooth and lily-white with long, slender toes and bright-red, well-manicured toenails. But you'll have to take my word for it. They gotta look nice when I'm stomping on people's faces. As for "highly corrupt", well, I reckon I'd fit right in, then.

..And in other news, if everyone would forgive me and my self-imposed media blackout, did people really get killed at Wal-Mart? Seriously, I thought you guys were joking, but I re-read the thread and I suspect that it's legit. Wouldn't that just figure. What a bunch of dumb cattle. No wonder the rest of the world hates us.
 

Medusa asked:

if everyone would forgive me and my self-imposed media blackout, did people really get killed at Wal-Mart?

Sad, but true. In Lawn Guy Land. Home of Joey Porsche, the Oompa Prompas and many of the other greasier buckets of poo on this site.
 

@ Troy:

I just found the story on Google. How embarassing, for us as a nation, and for humanity in general. I read that when the cops and paramedics were trying to get to him, the shoppers were trampling on them, too. And when they were trying to clear out the store because a man had been killed, people were yelling back, "But I've been in line since Friday". Seriously. I am so pissed off right now. Just another Yule log on the fire for my raging, burining hatred of Christmas. I think Pencil Doucher's Fist Of Fury would be an apt gift for every one of those shitstains involved in the incident.

Either that, or I will go over to the Samurai Scrote thread and beseech him to summon up a Tsunami that will swallow up Jerz and set us on a path to a better America.
 

@ Medusa

Good thing it's Sunday, otherwise I'd have an Inappropriate Office Boner. As it stands right now (pun intended), it's very appropriate.

It's a deal, then. As an added bonus, know I'm under 30. (If I've just offended you by surmising you're 30-something, I genuflect and lick your whip.)

Now let's get back to mocking.

P.S. @ Wal-Mart

Just another sign of the end-times. I live for 2012. If nothing happens and shit continues to get worse, that ship from Flight of the Navigator should pick me up and get me the fuck outta here.

I hope it'll have lotsa lasers, so I can vaporize Bra in the process.
 

@ pencil

I do what I can. Anyway, I have no age-shame like most women. I'm proud to say I'm 34 because I have not succumbed to the mid-30s malaise that most gals do, having squeezed out their kids and are looking forward to death. I'm up 'til all hours and I still fit in my prom dress. Yup, I tried it. I'm losing my taste for older men because it no longer means 31, it now means 45. Which isn't the issue, but it mroe often than not comes with paunch, laziness, ED and television marathons. Laundry Gimp, in all his graying glory still amuses me so. But the rest of the personal work I require I think would be best outsourced to the under-30 set.

So, is Croatia part of the EU yet? And how's the food?
 

When exactly did everyone become a gangster?
 

hey Medusa! i hate Christmas too! i grew up in a country where we never bough Christmas presents for anyone.

that being said, my home country is no less vulnerable to douchebags like in this pic than anywhere else. hottie is totally slutting it up there. damn.