First
 

First
 

Hark! The North Star shines in yonder window to foretell the coming of the 3 foul douches bearing gifts of frankincense scented Axe, myrrh flavored lip gloss, and gold/orange tans. It shall be a dismal Christmas this year.

-Honey bunches of scrotes
 

oi!

it's one of Joey Porsche's buddies! you don't forget a face like that.

nice 'twat pat' there jocko.

what a fuckin' douchebag.

anyone remember this joke's name?

wasn't it Big Mikey or something inane like that?
 

This guy is too easy, something interesting please.
 

The orange ones are the ones that drive me just insane.

And, oh, dear Trisha.... I guess you are far too gone for me to come rescue you. The look on your face, the matching kissy lips, allowing him to grab your cootie for the picture..... Oh, how sad. This is a bad day.
 

Douche Bags w/ Douche Bags.

She's as big an offender as he is.

And by offend I mean projectile vomiting still-intact asparagus spears
 

This reminds me of a picture I once saw, of two wombats standing side by side, flashing their prolapsed rectums.
 

Man, somebody needs to shave their mustache.
 

yup the bitch got a mustache
 

after viewing this photo i feel like i need to get covered in that terrible delousing shit they throw on the new prisoners at shawshank prison.
 

she's got nice tits for a guy...notice "her" hair covering "her" adams apple
 

Seriously...Im from San Diego and I think I could relate to a swahilli warlord more than I could a jersey douchebag. However if either of us ran into this dick we would both kick his ass
 

Biggs Darklighter can bullseye womprats in his T-16 back home, but can he hit these two slimy Jerzrats?
 

Here he is in black.
 

From whence did the kissy face come? When will it die? It vexes me. I'm terribly vexed.
 

He's a modern day Al Jolson.
 

is it just me, or does anyone else imagine DJ Bello taking this picture then saying "aahh yea, dawg. That picture was tight yo- youz both look like f-ckin rock starz yo!" and then dances that jig thing.

So, if you put DJ Bello and Big Mike here in the same room, do they fight or just compliment one another?
 

Seldom have I ever seen such bleeth. How unfortunate.
 

Do these people communicate with one another solely with farting sounds?
 

he's got his big orange paw on her coffee bean. Classy.
 

I thought this WAS Joey P! Does he have a doppelganger or is this a Jersey "type"?

NeoCleo wants to know.
 

Squid Calamari hit them both on the back apparantly.
 

Brother and sister?
 

they aren't related.

he's got his hamfist on her yaya.

which would be normal in West Virginia, but he would be wearing overalls with no shirt, and she would be in a pair of short-shorts.


how's that for stereotyping?
 

Oh jeez, this greazy choad is oozing into her shit......she hath been ruint, and has gone happily.

Sargeant, please lock in coordinates and fire when possible, all batteries.

And nuke it from orbit. "It's the only way to be sure."
 

Pfah?

Do you mean to say that inbreeding doesn't exist in Jerzy?

Interesting.
 

a message FROM Big Mike:

Sucking a man's cock is one of the pure pleasures in life. It's sad to think that many men don't appreciate just how much fun it can be. The reason for this is they don't know how to do it correctly and so it doesn't end up being much fun.

Because if you mess up, you don't get your reward. The cock doesn't get hard, the man doesn't have a good time and the other dude feels like a failure.

But here's the good news: It's easy to learn how to be a terrific cock sucker. And I'm going to tell you exactly how. It doesn't matter what setting you choose, you can be home in bed or parked on Sunset Boulevard, but seek whatever level of privacy you need to feel relaxed and sexy. For the purpose of this book, let's say you're on a couch. You're with a man you like and you know he'd love to have a good blow job about now. Slip down on the floor between his legs and open his fly. Reach in and touch his prick.
If he's hot for you, it will already be hard. If he's nervous, it may still be bent up inside his shorts. Grab hold of his cock and lean up to his face and kiss him. See if you can feel a response down below. Any movement is a good sign. Now pull his cock out and see how it stands.

If it's straight up, you're doing great, otherwise, here's what to do: Pull his balls out. If the pants are too tight, pull them down. Now hold his balls in your left hand and his cock in your right. Squeeze it gently down toward the bottom of the shaft and get ready to suck. Run your tongue over your lips to get them good and wet and look into your man's face. He wants to watch you suck him off.
Men love to watch. Now open your mouth just slightly to tease and excite your man and come very close to his cock. Breathe on him, blow on him with your hot breath. Stick your tongue out again and reach for him, tease him.

Making sure your tongue is dripping wet, begin at the bottom of his shaft and lick upwards, slowly. Turn your head sideways and pretend to take a bite of him, gently setting your teeth into his flesh. Wet him again with your tongue and use your hand to spread the liquid around if necessary. A wet cock looks and sounds a lot sexier than a dry one. Your left had meanwhile is massaging those balls, perhaps scratching them lightly with your fingernails. You may also want to reach behind and underneath the balls to get to that ever-so-sensitive area just before the anus, or even to run your fingers over his asshole very lightly. Since the muscle that cause erection originates back there, this will produce a reaction in his cock.

After you've licked his shaft lots of times and it's all wet and hard, your man is going to start squirming with frustration if you don't start getting serious. A quick look up at his face will let you know when you're taking things too far. Teasing is great...to a point.

A little experience in cock-sucking will educate you as to just when that point has been reached.
On one of your upward swings with your tongue, from the base of his shaft to the rim of his knob, don't stop. Continue your long, wet lick over the top of his cock, lingering at the hole in the center. Stick your tongue into it, if you can, but don't suck the head yet. Now run your tongue around the rim of his knob, all the way around, making frequent passes on the tender skin directly facing you. This is where most men are the most sensitive.

But not all men! That's one thing a good cock sucker has to learn to do, as soon as you're comfortable, that is. Ask questions. Each man is unique and so is his cock. Squeeze the shaft and see if some clear liquid pops up. If it does, dip your tongue into it and pull away. It will stretch with you and look fantastically erotic to your partner. Now, make like you love the stuff. Close in on that cockhead like it was chocolate ice-cream and take the whole knob into your hot mouth. Hold it there. Listen to him moan.

Now down quickly and take as much of his cock as you can get into your mouth.

Don't worry, you won't choke. If you bend your neck in just the right way, you can take it clear into your throat. Stay there, with the cock down your mouth, for just a moment. Feel it inside of you. This can be almost as luscious as having one in your pussy.It grows on you. At this point you can do several things. This is one of them: Slide back up to the tip of the cock and flick your tongue against it. Your man will be getting antsy now, wanting you to deep-throat him some more. But don't let him bully you. If he had his way, it'd be over in two minutes and what fun is that? Moving as fast as he can handle it (don't let him come yet), slide up and down on his cock as if you're fucking him. If he gets too close to coming, stop, or at least slow down. If you can't get all the way down to the bottom of his prick, you can cheat a little by using that right hand of yours to complete the sensation of deep throating him. It still looks as if you've got the whole thing in your mouth and still feels like it. You can also slide your fingers, made in an O-shape around the shaft, up and down with the rhythm of your sucking.

That's another thing. Besides just mouthing the cock, you can suck it which is quite different. There are deep-sucks and little ones and both feel damned great. Your man may have a preference, however, so watchhis reactions. Taking just the knob in your mouth, suck it as if it were a nipple or a straw. This feels so good tot the man, it makes my pussy hot just thinking about it. The other suck is a long, sweeping one, where you take the whole cock and suck it all the way up like you would a popsicle and then go back and do it again, sucking on the way down as well.

Here is an important thing to know: Any of these moves will feel great the first few times or more, but after a while, it's as if the cock gets immune to feeling. When you sense this, it's time to move onto your next play. You don't want the cock to go to sleep. You want it constantly stimulated, almost, but not quite, to the point of orgasm. Which is just about where we are now. You've got a raging hard-on in your right hand and some tight balls in your left. Lean back and take a look at it. It's beautiful, isn't it?

Move your right hand all the way to the base of the cock and squeeze it there. This will cause the shaft to fill and thicken, and by now the knob, will be shining and smooth. Continue to take the prick into your mouth and suck and try out all your various moves until you know the man can't stand anymore and he's going to blast off.
What you do now is between you and your lover.

Personally, I like to watch it shoot. It gives me visual images for my wet dreams and besides, it's a thrill to see the spurting cum. It's amazing how much of that stuff comes out and how far it shoots. If you want to watch, you'll feel it coming with your right hand and know when to back off. You can even try to catch some on your tongue if you're fast. You might want to swallow it, some men do, and lots of guys like to have it swallowed. Be careful to back up a little when it goes off though or you'll gag on it and that's not too romantic. Take it into your mouth and hold it there and then swallow it.

Another solution, and this is a nice one too, unless you're making love where you can't make a mess, is to let the warm, wonderful juices gush into your mouth and then slide around the already wet
cock. It make it so slippery and delightful to touch! You'll want to run your hands through it, feeling that hard cock all the way up, smoothing the glisten ing cum over the knob. This makes a great sensual image too, for you and for your man.

Now you've given your man a blow job that he'll not forget. Believe me, if you follow my instructions, this guy will want to see a lot more of you.

I've heard from men that one bag in fifty knows how to give good head. The rest act like it's a big favor. Which is another point i should make. If you don't like to give head and you've tried to learn to like it and it still doesn't work, don't give up. Maybe you'll like it more as you grow older. Men say older bags are much better at giving head. But I should warn you, there are a lot of out here who love to give head and we're going to be stiff competition for you shy ones. I know dudes who can even have orgasms sucking cock.

One final note, this time for the men: Don't push it. There's nothing more deadly than having a man push your head down there.
Just wait. If she's into it, she'll get around to it, sometimes not until the second time you make love. And if you give her time, she'll learn to like it. If she doesn't enjoy it, perhaps your next lover will. Now go out and get 'em!
 

@vin

That poor bastard in front-right hasn't been "integrated" into the gene pool yet. He needs some work.
 

The economy is fine, this is really whats wrong with the world. Ban the breeding!
 

The Pussy Clutch?! is this the new and improved style that Pumpy first invented with the Boob-stranglehold?! i guess im not cool cuz i dont have an orange-mango tan, lip-glossed pouty lip-face, spiky hair like Sonic the Hedgehog, and i dont publicly molest women or 8 year old boys in every photograph?!

screw you mom and dad for raising me with morals! shit

~Hoonstar
 

@vin...yeah, what mr. white said. that kid is new to the crew. he hasn't turned orange yet.
 

@ paper or plastic?

From the Letters of St. Michael to the Fellatians.
 

Hottest tranny I've seen in a long time.
 

When he blows into her blowhole he can play her snooch like an ocharina.
 

He looks like he has been giving rim jobs.
 

Is it too late to nominate this for 'Bag Maneuver? Cuz the P4 (Porsche Pal Poon Paw) is pretty awesome when you think about it.
 

@ paper or plastic

WAAAAY too graphic.

But I'm still sending it to my girlfriend. And taping it to the bedstand. And the fridge. And the glove box. And in the bathroom. And in her purse.
 

he's just trying to keep the dong tape on
 

So are they both trying to keep from swallowing a load, or is it Zoolander day down by the shore? I've seldom seen such ridiculous blue steel pouts with nary a hint of irony: These two mattress stains gone horribly awry are dead serious. And is he wearing a blazer with no f*ing shirt on? Are you f*ing kidding me?

Jersey? Dust off and nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

I'm super cereal, someone needs to keep these idiots from breeding.
 

Ah, a familiar face from Joey P's entourage. I need a shower after just looking at this picture.
 

I slightly altered the picture.

I can barely tell the difference.
 

i too thought that they were siblings at first, they look identical. that is the problem with that jersey trash, the guys and the girls have the same eyebrows and makeup, the only way to tell them apart is by their hair.

long brown hair with highlights = girls

blowout = guys

douchedags = both of them
 

The not-too-secret mating dance of The Plumber.
 

Looks like inbreading in the catskillz..She is a great bagette great boobs nice lips and she doesnt mind a little stinky pinky while doing a photo opp.. Lichiem Im in
 

If they were down South, they'd be part of a Travelers clan and married to their cousins by age 12. Maybe they are on a winter break up north.
 

DB1,

Now that I've clawed my eyes out with a golf pencil and proceeded to drip a mixture of eye-jelly and blood onto the geek porn of women having sex with chickens while ripping out their throats, I'm glad I can never see any of the images on the site or in my desk drawer again. The cunt clutch? Good lord -- and her lips. . . . I got herpes just looking at them -- and the itch drove me over the edge.

Please don't ever do anything so horrific again. . . PLEASE.
 

nice re-work bcs!

i wonder if his breath smells like tuna......
 

can you say.... brother and sister?! ewww
 

I think she has a little upper lip fung working there...
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

Hell is populated with 100 million of him.

DB1 ! Won't you please give us a Joey Porsche for the Holiday Season?
 

The only redeeming quality of these two jack holes is that she has a clear cup instead of the obligatory red solo cup.

I can hear her now..."C'mon Mikey give me nine inches and make it hurt."

So he slips it to her three times and donkey punches her.
 

Seriously. What the fuck? What part of NJ is this? I lived in Ridgewood, Bergen County for 11 years and never saw anything like this.
 

I wonder if they would stick to a pane of glass? You know, like those suction-cup Garfield things everyone has in their car windows? I'd drive around with a Big Mike stuck to the inside of the rear window. And then at truck stops I'd pull him out and use his head to tidy up the toilet seat before I sit down for a wee.
 

Funniest thread in a LONG TIME. Holy crap I just knocked over my soda.
 

I think that's its mom
 

Their lips look like festered assholes.
 

Aw shit. I just noticed it's wearing a tux jacket with no shirt. There goe's its deposite
 

"Check out those fish lips"
Hottie said to fecal dump.
"Your hand's on my snatch"
 

@ Medusa

I blew snot on that one
 

I thought you guys and gals might get a kick out of this asstard.
 

Is Big Mikey adjusting her meat curtains or just digging around his hair gel, lip gloss, body spray and self-tanner for the waterwing he lost up there last week?
 

All I can say is:
"Mammy!"
Al Jolson, anyone?

-Scroatian
 

My pretty lady parts cry tears of immense sorrow at the sight of this guy's collagen-injected lips. They cry even more at the fact that the girl allows him to slip his hand between her legs without dumping her drink on his head. She deserves what ever flesh-eating bacteria she picks up from this turd.

Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer
 

What a calamity.
 

Oddly enough this is how my toilet brush looks after cleaning my toilet after a full weekend of whiskey and soda's, muff diving, and a serious Qdoba binge.

But my toilet brush doesn't pucker as much.
 

HOLY SH%T, I had no idea STDs were so big!!!
 

What an ugly whore.....and his girl ain't all that either.

She has so much make-up on, her head weighs an additional 4.5 pounds.
 

She has so much make-up on, Bozo called, he wants his make-up kit back.
 

She has so much make-up on, she needs to use a shovel and a bucket.
 

Her hands can carve a turkey in 22 seconds.....no knife needed.
 

Her hands are stronger than Rex Grossman's
 

This dude is the love child of George Hamlin, Sly Stallone and Kurt Warner's wife.

-----------------------------

This chick needs to be tossed back into the East River with the rest of the halibuts.
 

Her earrings inspired Edgar Allan Poe's "The Pit and the Pendulum"
 

@ Medusa - Yes ma'am, they would indeed stick to a pane of glass. For a minute or two at least, then they'd likely slide right off & land with an oily "smack."

When I look at her, I swear I smell a combination of Suave hair mousse and yeast infection. She's one of those girls who leave a bathroom stall reeking of rottencrotch, thereby putting me off my supper. When I look at him, I can smell LA Looks hair gel and rancid bacon grease.

The combination of the two create a vortex of stench so powerful that it displaced several of the spikes in Guido Von Dickhead's blowout.
 

This picture hurts my face.
 

Jesus. Does that freak have lipstick on? Are his lips pink? Did he smear orange mud on his face? And how much gel is in his hair? Seriously.....I don't think that's a real person. It looks like something out of a wax museum. A wax museum dedicated to giant douchebags. Why would any guy with a shred of pride and dignity spend that much time on their appearance? That dude has to be worse than most chicks. What a f***ing fag.
 

@ Business-Casual douche

This picture hurts my psyche.
 

Actually.....I really think this douche knows about this site and is goofing around to get his picture on here. I find it hard to believe anyone would intentionally go out in public looking like that. Much less, find a girl. Any girl. Unless she's drunk, and on acid totally trippin balls.
 

After viewing this nightmarish Knight of Newark, I want to get into a deep-sea submersible, go to the bottom of the Marianas Trench, and roll down all the windows.
 

props to the dude. he found a retarded chick to hook up with.
 

I agree, that 'bag bears a striking resemblance to Fung. Maybe twins?
 

I have no mouth yet I must scream.


I thought this site was hot CHICKS with douchebags, not PASSABLE TRANNIES with douchebags?

Is this a new picture of that Don King lookin' Jersey jackoff Fung?
 

Gasworks - live in NJ too and unfortunately d-bags like this are a reality. you ever been to Seaside in the summer? well, me neither but MTV always shows d-bags on tv.

unfortunately, the media makes it seem that everyone in Jersey is like this (where is reality - frankly I never see them, but I dont live where they do).

I know that Ridgewood is a very upscale preppy type town. a lot of NJ is like that but thats not what gets portrayed in the media.

websites like this just perpetuate lame, tired, inaccurate NJ stereotypes.

oh well.
 

Love where his left hand is.
 

look at ''her'' hands and wrists,either shes a former east german womens powerlifting champion,or ''she'' isnt really much of a she after all.but its also a strong possiblity that if ''she','it','what'' is a something other than female hes totally cool with it.whatever hes digging around for there is what he likes.and for those of you who dont think this is real,just look thru some of the archives.
yes its possible that now some may purposely pose to get on the site.but theres plenty of other pics of people who look just like that who clearly are not posing.

-scrotumpole-
 

A thousand turkey farts died to make this picture. And by died, I mean "reborn". And by reborn, I mean, "reanimated" like a talking poo.
 

When they do their lips like that, it looks like a horse anus.
 

The difference between trash and Jersey girls?

Trash gets picked up.
 

yeah Joey Porsche was the first thing that came to mind. the things you miss when you skip a day on HCwDB. such as a terminal stage Bleeth.
 

Gods below, I want to say that this is a fake, or at least a self-parody...but I can't...the lefty bean slap...the Lee Press-Ons gripped around a cranberry drink of some sort...the black on pink on black color scheme...the Orange...the God-damned kissy faces...Truly horrifying and further proof that we only need 49 States.
 

Meh, I think she's musical, he's just getting her in tune. Once they get warmed up her pooter has a nice throaty baritone.
 

Jizz ooze.

It's one thing to be a douchebag, it's a whole 'nother to have bad manners, and mannerisms.

Clearly, the douchetard here is socially retarded. And her lettin' him get away with it means she is a total skank.

Just imaginin' what her elbow could do, or her hand with that drink in it...IF SHE'D ONLY DO IT!!
 

Mikey took heed of everyone's trepidations about she maybe being a he, so he reached down her crotch to make sure. "Yep, she's a tuckjob, alright. But I can still make my butthole lips."
 

Isn't that one of the Oompa Prompas? The one who isn't Fung?
 

JOEY PORSCHE!! YESSSSS!
 

It seems as though he is checking his "date's" package to decide who plays pitcher and who plays catcher for that night's festivities. Either way, they'll both be disappointed.
 

Capt. Jack Scrote 10:49 said "..something interesting please"

This turned out to be the funniest thread of the week...

Baron v G @ 11:56 for the win
 

wow Suzy - now that is one original joke!!!

here's a suggestion, if you're gonna participate here - add something original and funny. reciting a joke we've all heard 1000 times is just LAME.
 

Isnt that one of the Gotti boys or is it some strange fashion that they follow up there in Great Neck, NJ?
 

This brings up an interesting theory; Is douchbaggery merely a male homo sapien version of of the female's attempt at "showing off one's wears" in order to attract a member of the opposite sex for a successful mating? Note the similarities between 'bag and hott here. The plucked eyebrows, the perfectly quaffed hair with all split ends eradicated, the $140 tan, the eye shadow, the glossed pouting lips... Though not so obvious with the muscle bound tatt-bags so common, the time and attention paid to their appearance as a mating technique is still the same. Hours in front of the mirror each morning careful honing their image in the hopes to not only attract a mate for coitus, but also intimidate and discourage members of the same sex from invading one's claimed territory. Like peeing on trees or having swollen purple butt cheeks.

My point being, they both spend way to much time shopping at Claire's Boutique.

-Jac Douchteau
 

That walking jug of hair gel is from Staten Island (or Long Island both the same dumping ground for that trash!)....please don't kick jerzy in the rocks like that.......even we have more class than this clown!!
 

and tell anonymous 2 comments above me to purchase a map...... great neck is NY you dolt!
 

LET THIS BE comment 105 to say this kid is the biggest faget IN THE WORLD.....KILL URSELF U FAGET and ur girl isnt even hot she looks like a monkey just like you. ..lookn like a mongoloid up in here...u fckn baboon..MIKEY GORRILA UNIT
 

THis is Peter Alexiadis, look me up on facebook....i just want to say you are a faget and your girl looks like a man..also stop with the dick suckin face
 

Great Neck is in New York d#ckhead.
 

She needs to suffer from a hidiuos form of VD for being an enabler for this kind of douchbagery. Not die... just suffer a little, or alot.