that right there looks like a seriously deformed douchebag mask (leftover from Halloween?) next to an excessive pile of makeup.
 

Man forget the Sting douche euro trash pig. I would love to supply Brittany Murhpy hotts lips with coat of my own shiny gloss. Damn she is vexing!

I would spelunk his ear canal for a shot at sniffing her discarded drink coaster.
 

Nice ascot Harrison Ford'bag...
 

Memo to Greaso the beater bag. Mix in a shower once in a while ok? I could land planes by the shine coming off your greasy skin.
 

I see a Costnerbag.
 

I would procure my License to Kill before banging The Living Daylights out of Timothy Dalton 'bag’s Maryam d’Abo, aka Kara Milovy.
 

She stole Samantha Ronson's / Duckie's (from Pretty In Pink) hat.
 

@ hypersexulgirl

you've been looking for Daniel Craig's hotter brother?

This is his elastic cousin complete with Ringwald.
 

I have no idea what that meant
 

Let’s take a moment to look at what we have managed as a species. From the discovery of electricity to the first photography equipment we have set about documenting our collective journey. Movable type, the phonograph – these were all precursors to the modern technologies that we use today. Computers, digital photography, The Internet, worldwide connectivity – all of this has made it possible to share our existence and provide information to a vast audience at the click of a mouse. And now, we have harnessed all of that vast technology and channeled it, bringing to the masses that which they might never have been able to witness on their own…

…Douche Poo

We should all marvel in our vast resourcefulness for the betterment of mankind.

…and boobies
 

I think this is another one of those "Take Your Daughter to Work Day"-moments like below.

What's up with the kaffiyehs and the scarves, douchebags?

Learn how to tie a half-Windsor knot like Don Draper--be a man for a change!!

Oh, yeah--easy on the Sharpie Marker eyebrows Hott--but you are still hott anyway.
 

Nice to see Donald Fagen still pulling "quality ass" with his talent.


And by talent I mean big ol' pile o' cocaine.
 

i'd pee in her hat
 

i'd pee in her hat
 

i'd poop in her purse
 

Wait--the Target Douche is wearing pinstriped sportcoat ("vintage" so he is probably "too cool" to have it match his pants) and scarf, but Peripheral Douche behind him is wearing a ribbed wifebeater....is this Summer or Winter...or some kind of alternate universe??
 

My penis was unsure of her hotness until I told him that the beatings would continue until moral improves.

I'd like to floss his teeth with a discarded pubic hair. Unhand that fetching minx you redeared douchebag!
 

Won't McDonald's sue you or something DB1?
 

This guy owns a scarf factory in Des Moines, Iowa. Here you see him sportin' one of his classic threads. Tucked inside the finely stiched fabric is a pair of tweasers - for picking locks - 2 sets of rope - for tying the victim ... errrrrr 'lady' up - and a complete set of 6" behwhal balls.

Notice the elegance of style and the ease at which this fine piece of craftmanship hangs from his neck.

Also notice how subtly Snickers presses his 38-revolver against the lady's stomach as her forces her outside and into his car where he'll transport her to an isolated location in the woods and where he'll, eventually, leave her body.

But hey, it's a fine contributor to the Des Moines Chamber of Commerce and one hell of a fine dad.
 

But hey, "he's" a fine contributor to ...


is spelling really this hard?!?
 

There is nothing on this website that couldn't be cured by the present shooting war in Afghanistan and the draft. The gene pool's getting way too polluted.
 

This picture of Monsieur McFlurry was taken in New York City in 1927, proof that douchebags have been around for generations, just in smaller numbers.
 

Snickers is that unwanted guest with a second cousin-in-law at Thanksgiving dinner, pontificating on his important government research of the endangered Riverside Titmouse while bypassing the shitty booze I put out for the visitors as he spotted me pouring from the private stash of Crown Royal Cask 16 in the home office.

I re-hid it over and over again but fucktard kept finding it, as the entire bottle was finished at day's end.

Luckily , the food ran out before popping the second bottle, their notice that it's time to go or help me clean up.

Second cousin has been asked to arrive alone and unencumbered for the "Feast For The Ingrate In-Law's, On My Dime, 2008 " .
 

I'd puke in her boots.

While curled up in a closet.

After a week long binge of alcohol, LSD, coke, ether, bathtub meth, DMT, and weeeeeeed.
 

No Ben Stiller jokes?


Errrrr, to obvious?!?
 

@Troy T.

I'd puke into her panties then ask her to put them on, then take her out drinking, dancing, and mechanical bull-riding, followed by a 2 hour stint at Denny's.

When we got home I'd go down on her like the Tasmanian Devil on speed.

I wouldn't even wash my face before going to work.
 

Plinky, you've scared me... and I've actually done that to a woman.
 

@ Plinky


Thank you so much.

I was gonna comment that this was a Blue Steel/Ferrari/Le Tigra/Magnum Douche
 

wow.

she's a beauty.

and he should start cutting his hair like mine. i like to call it the 'No Excuses Hair Cut'.


did i mention she's really pretty?

also, i like his suit.
 

@MC 900 Foot ...

We should start a club.
 

She's a lil' porcelain angel, and he is a smirking oldouche in a china shop.

I like to think that as he was getting out of his cab in joizy his scarf got caught in the door and he was dragged face down for a good 40 feet.

Not enough to kill him.

Just enough to wipe that stupid look off his face permanently.
 

You gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage.
 

OK people - it's in a BOOKSTORE. And people are milling around. Which means that this is some kind of a "book signing" or "reading" event.

These can be really fun, they can also be loci of douchewankery of a subtle and pernicious variety.

Kind of like an ass fuck without a reach around.

Kind of like a tootsiepop without the chocolate goo centre.

Kind of like where people try to make each other feel stupid, or unimportant.

They will also attract women who have a maintenance value that can only be expressed in exponents.

Here you have an example of just that.

The older douche is a writer. What he writes is of no concern or value, as literature stopped mattering decades ago. But he will parade and prance and act like he's a member of some special club. Yawn.

The girl, well, she is porcelain beauty. She also smokes like a house afire, and if you ever get sick or hurt, she's nowhere to be found because that's a "sign of weakness". She spends 2 hours in front of the mirror before going out. She weighs EXACTLY 110 lbs and if she's 111 lbs she immediately goes bulimic till she loses it. She listens to crappy music, and thinks it's cool to listen to crappy music. She's a neurotic mess who (if you stick around long enough) will bitch you out for not folding your socks.

She's a narcissistic dumbass who thinks that just because she lives in Manhattan she's special.
 

I want everyone in here to know something. I am sorry for being such a horrid prick. To make it up to you guys (sorry girls, not you), I am willing to put your penises in my mouth and gargle with the resulting seed.

I hope you forgive me.

Spurs Fan
 

Also: I jsut came up with a great idea for DB1.

Yo - DB1, doooood.

Ya know how when some stupid prick emails you to tell you to "Take his picture down", and then all we get is a "PIC DELETED" notice?

Well, I gots me an ideeeeer.

(the cuban rum is working... kewl)

delete the pic, but under the "pic deleted" put a URL to where it came from (unless of course, it's sometihng someone mailed you).

hic

urrrrr- need more booooze.
 

pass, some lucky cat with questionable neckwear & a tempting lil' seductress

at this moment, wish I was he
 

@ Plinky

don't think we didn't notice the return of Gary Gnu
 

Snicker's penis is made entirely of wax. And it's got a little wick on the end.
 

Maybe it's his Gomez Addams suit or maybe it's her gun moll coiffure, but something is giving me a Raymond Chandlergasm for these two that's making my eyes roll into the back of my head.

I'm going to walk around the house going "Myah...myah..." like Edward G. Robinson all night now. I can tell.
 

DESPARETALY SEEKING----SOME OF THESE LONG WINDED JOHNNYCOMELATELYINTHIERUNDEROOS JUST ENJOY WHAT REAL PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY INSTEAD OF PONTIFICATING THE JARGON YOUR WORDPLAY IS TURD PLAY----SUSAN, WITHOUT HER 50 YEAR OLD MASCARA PART MANNY------------------SORRY MY INTERUPTING THOUGHTS ARE ACTING UP AND I PONTIFICATED MY JARGON, BUT DON'T SOME OF YOU ORIGINAL FANS FEEL THE SAME?
 

anon @ 8:16

turn off your caps lock, ya fuckin retard.

And learn something about punctuation. It's a handy thing to know.

Oh, and try giving us an ID so we know you're some other kind of anonymous coward.
 

@ Troy T

Havana Club? Super Yum! Got a bottle of Anejo 7 anos waiting downstairs.

Whoever said it's better to give than to receive was obviously a friend of ascot wank and also a homosexual.

I'd go down on her after Plinky barfed in her Hanes and ask for a second helping. MMMm tuna helper.

The Marquis de Scrote
 

This reminiscent photo of 1930's nostalgia was thrown out of whack by Snicker's pesky little cowlick which, yet again, shows itself to be a most uncooperative bastard.

That and the chickenhawk in the background sporting an undersized wife-beater.

Good times, good times ...
 

Let's throw him in a blender and hit "puree".
 

I think he has a little vial of her blood around his neck. (shudder)
 

Db1 strikes again. F*ing genius.
 

Troy Tempest, You eat farts!! Your sentance structure is crap. Look me up on myspace (Librarians Keeper)I have 3500 myspace friends who think dd lives at your house!
 

Is that Daniel Craig's and Ben Stiller's drunken lovechild?

Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer
 

I'd say he's a Kevin Costner separated-at-birth twin. But KC is something of a complainer, so let us carry on with other mocking.

And by mocking, I mean how does a scarfy-necked vested-suited drool-mouthed smirker get such a delicate hottie as Porcelana DarkEyes? She makes his skin LOOK orange when clearly, it isn't!
 

And, well, if they are in a bookstore, then he must be...

A Book Bag.

And he's trying to leave his Bookmark in a Hot Novel.
 

Wow, nobody noticed the where's waldouche bling earring wearing, white trash wife beater bag in the background lurking and trying to look all tough...in a bookstore?

She is a creme de la creme, I would walk five hundred miles and I would walk five hundred more, just to be the man who'd walk five hundred miles to end up someday talking to Jose the gardener whose late second cousin Sammy the garbageman once touched the trashcan her maid dropped a bagful of her pit hairs into.

He was once a nemesis of Dick Tracy, Scarf Face.
 

The Guido in the back is actually a renowned Shakespearean scholar.

Also, notice Snickers' normal-colored hands vs. the Orange Face. A foolproof mark of the Douche. Or maybe he just likes to sit facing the window and write in his fingerless mittens. 'Cause he's bohemian like that.

Hang yourself by that nice spermatozoa-patterned scarf, you smirky piece of poo!
 

I'd fart in her car
 

What is up with this guy's hair and that funny scalp-line part like that with the little bit hanging down?
 

@anon 8:16

How'd you know I have on underoos?
 

Is it just me, or does our little Hott look like she is in serious need of a spanking?

Damn.

OK, maybe it is just me... But I could really get into that.

And Snickers McFlurry could even watch. I don't mind.
 

@Troy T.

How did you meet my former NYC girlfriends? All of them, that is? You describe them to a T.

Well, except for one of them. She did not half any sock-folding fetishes. In fact, when we eventually went to her place, it was so filthy that cockroaches were actually living in the microwave. I kid you not. You could see their shadows as they crawled over the timer (but still inside the casing).

I knows how to pick 'em.
 

Checking out this Striped Bass Bag once again, one can't help but notice that the size of his hand is as large as her head.

He might be a bullhead trout in Porcelana Delicata's china shop in a film noir...
 

Mr White asked:

How did you meet my former NYC girlfriends? All of them, that is? You describe them to a T.

All of those attributes are from women I dated in my yoot.

I grew up in NJ, near NY, so I knew the guido thing before the guido thing was the guido thing, and the bleethy third rate idiots who date them - they all lived on my block.

Argh.
 

I am going to skip all the amusing euphemisms and just say I would SHOOT someone for the chance to SCREW her.
 

i'm gettn a strong Zoolander vibe
 

Looks like Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thorton.