There once was a choad bombastic
With a hott nothing short of fantastic
He had a head full of goo
She thought she smelled poo
I think my left eye just went spastic
 

T'was a douche with a tongue like a cat
That suggested that he was "all that"
He licked his own crotch
Jeebus, hand me the scotch
And a deadly 33 inch bat
 

that blonde is friggin amazing
from my penis the load would be blazing
one squirt on her chest
and save all the rest
for her beautiful mouth she'd be grazing
 

First !!


&



Second !!
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

there once was a guy named merle
who looked like a giant poo twirl
with hair like fung
he stuck out his tongue
like a two dollar german goo girl
 

sexy seductress has been slighted
as everyone's thanks are recited
too bad for us all
Puritans did not call
to tell us this turd was invited
 

Though he is no country star
One needn't look very far
At the 'bama type blouse
And his sidekick titmouse
I'd kick his balls wide and far
 

i better cut back on vulgarity
even though i think it adds hilarity
having too much raunchy fun
will piss off db1
worse than "the dirty" parody
 

There once was a grease spot named Chuck,
Who stuck out his tongue for good luck,
Hook-em-horns were a-flying,
The blonde kept on smiling,
And as for the tongue it got stuck.
 

This douchebag’s preparing to fellate a dump truck
While he hides the fact that he’s a ball-less eunuch
His hott will surely find
Those fingers in his behind
While he asks her brother for a good cock suck.
 

Good thing his watch doubles as a ship's steering wheel.
 

There once was a blown-out feral alley cat
About to lick his kitten’s amniotic sack
But she saw Crucial Head
And from this cat she fled
Then we made some sweet lovin’ that did involve scat.
 

This blonde is like a breathe of fresh air
And I’d love to see her fine derriere
Her boobies call me
And my wood to see
If they make a well balanced pair.
 

I can’t wait for Thanksgiving tomorrow
Much food will be ate with the best Bordeaux
I love the days off
Thoughts of work – I scoff
Come next Monday there’ll be much sorrow.
 

I’m thankful for the pic of this hott blondie
Upon her kind face I’d rest my horn o’ plenty
And give her a stuffing
With my gravy like nothing
And I’d lick her pumpkin pie quite deftly.
 

Though a limerick I'm trying to appease
It's hard to rhyme something with "boobies"
Let me stare for awhile
Directly below her smile
And dwell on how I'd give them a squeeze
 

Metal Mike clearly thinks he's the best
he's ignoring this blondie's firm breast
well he's got other plans
which involve both of his hands
and he'll start off by licking his chest
 

Oh shit Gary's got a hiself a date
See how he acts like a total gay-bait
But bleeth will soon come around
and realize he's a total douche-clown
And tell match.com they're not so great.
 

Twas a strange night at the old fish house
As Tommy posed in his mother's blouse
His date started to giggle
When in his pants she felt something wiggle
"Is that your cock or a field mouse?"
 

Though "truck" and "eunuch" do not rhyme,
I agree with C.H.: it's a crime
That this outstanding hoddie
With her outstanding body
Is courting a face full of slime.
 

There once was a choadwank named Doug
For whom boobies were like a drug.
When he found a great rack
He'd go on the attack
And his tongue left a tail like a slug.
 

There once was a blonde whose face was effervescent
She intoxicated ‘bags with her Fertile Crescent
But once under her spell
The ‘bags couldn’t quite quell
The fact that later, from her bed they’d be absent.

@ Baron:

Point taken. I should have said ball-less schmuck. Sigh. Limerick skills, wherefore hast though gonst?
 

Timothy's moon-scaped five-head,
And his unlit cigar should cause dread,
Still he seemed to attract
A most Wonderbra'ed rack
Could it be 'cause he shares his good med's?
 

Tim found a hott we call Kylie,
her right boob was bigger entirely
than her left boobie pressed
against Tim's heaving chest
and the poo running down his left side sleeve.
 

Look at this fiesty little minx
Gettin' ready to give us some winks,
It's too bad she's with man-child
Who thinks he's wacky and wild,
Cuz I'd ram my plink right into her stink.
 

There was an old choad with big zits
Who enjoyed sticking blondes to his pits
Though his tounge's flat and pastey
Hit hottie's stil tastey
As proven by the size of her tits
 

hotty hot hot hot hototot
douchey de-douche douche de-douchey
hot hotty hot
douchety douche douche
hotty hotot ouche douche hot
 

Duh.

"HIS" not "Hit"

Bleh.
 

There once was a wench named Lenore
With a bust and a bird on a door
Along comes a douche
Who gives us more proof
Why all the bird says is, "NO MORE!"
 

There once was a bore named Stan
who tried to get play anyway he can
but with no such luck
nay 1 chick would give him a fuck
he turned to a tranny named Fran.
 

Scary douche with a pasty white tongue
Hugs a hott with a great set of lungs
Though his hair grease was dripping
and with red eyes was tripping
He was sure that his praises were sung

Sweet blondie just gave me a wink
Dracula Douche smells of faint sewer stink
With soft hooters puffing
Her pillows I'd be fluffing
If she'd dump him for lesbian kink
 

One night, television's Brad Garrett
Found a hottie and thought he would scare it
He stuck out his tongue
and puckered his bung
and said, "Here's the Shocker, now wear it!"
 

She wore her boobs a la mode
Which drew all the scrotes in the road
to her side thinking to get some.
But she hates the dull and dumb
And would rather see their heads 'splode.

god i suck at poetry. Even limericks.

:-/
 

@ Medusa,

I was at my wit's end with this dipshit trying to rhyme "Brad Garret" or make a reference to "Raymond" and "Robert" but it wouldn't pan out.

Nice work
 

@ Vin

I was wondering if I was completely nuts for seeing the similarity, as no one else had pointed it out. Thank you for letting me know I'm only half-batshit. And thank you for the compliment, O mighty bagslayer.
 

I invite you all to peep through the casement
And gape in wonder and amazement
As I take this tool's Hottie
And do things quite naughtie
In the darkness of Mr. White's basement.
 

Mop up when you're done, Frodouche, that's the rule.
 

Blondie may appear to be hot
But based on her breadth, bet she's got
Saddlebags for her hips,
Tho' the smile on her lips
Makes me want to search out her G-Spot


There's a word for that tongue, it's "scungilli"
Poor blondie, she's all touchey feelie
Psycho douche has one goal:
Beach her, hard, on a shoal
And slip her the 'lectrical eelie

At Barnacle Dave's they were dining
When blondie began to start whining
"Your shirt looks like hell,
And you really do smell"
He re-enacted that scene from The Shining

--VS
 

Hottie with blue eyes that smolder,
Had a wart that grew from her shoulder.
The growth, undetected,
Became all infected
And made “shockers”, as it got bolder.
 

I once met this hott in a sauna.
She lost her towel in the corner.
Her boobies sprung forth;
Holbrooks Jr went north.
I sported my own kind of “horner”.
 

Blonde babe makes me weak at the knees
How far gone is hott's bleeth disease?
Don't think I can hack it,
His hands making brackets -
It's a douchebag in parentheses.
 

On eyes, she is certainly easy.
On eyes, he is certainly sleezy.
Such a dichotomy,
I need lobotomy.
With her I'd play naked parchesi.
 

Medusa @2:20PM.
You got the meter just right and it's funny, too. Good on ya. Hardly a soul here ever gets the limerick rhythms down.
 

Co-mingling like this needs a lawyer.
I hope he soon starts to annoy her.
She is such a hun,
But look at his tongue.
By fuck, that could sand down sequoia.
 

A pretty young hott with a heart on
her neck met a choad with a hard on.
He gave her two shockers
To honor her knockers
And tongue-taunted baghunters to harp on.
 

A choad in a checked guayabera,
Made nasty with shockers a pair'a,
But the Hottie did grin,
For beneath her sweet chin
Were two plumpers beyond-a compare, uh!
 

Tim's got clogged pores
Communicates in sign language and roars
Pinkie oddly bent
From all the time it's spent
Clogging up back doors.
 

Happy Thanksgiving to all you 'bag mockers
May you treat your wives to some shockers
That idea, they may not like
Thus you may take a hike
Or find yourself needing ball blockers.



(I tried to get a football reference in there - that's what Thanksgiving's all about, you know.)
 

@ whoop

Why thank ya. I attribute it to my half-Irishness and a youth spent listening to a drunken grandfather who taught us every limerick he knew, even the ones about the man from Nantucket. To this day, the cadence of a Limerick is the pace of my Saturday night strut. And, following wheeze's lead (happy T-day, man!), I'll try to cobble out a Thanksgiving one for you...

*sips coffee*

In the oven a turkey is baking
my happy tastebuds are awaking
But now I see 'bags
and their bleeths and their scags
a pass on my dinner I'm taking.
 

Looks from a douche are deceiving,
By his tongue you would think he was heaving,
But the Hott's such a dish
That his Thaksgiving wish
Is to eat her and leave her believing.
 

Kylie Hottness thinks Tim is so cool,
With his tongue dangling down in a drool,
While describing the fit
A rotisserie spit
Would be needed to handle his tool.
 

I know, it's now Thursday, but it takes a long time to roast the bird and, well, limericks keep poppin right back into my head...

Then there is football...
 

looks like this tool is from jacksonville, fl
 

haven't made a limerick for a while,
but Choad's tongue and fingers boil my bile.
thus was born this piece,
in hopes my pain would ease
as i stare at hottie's diamond-flash smile.
 

phew. writing a limerick isn't as easy as it used to be.