Thursday, December 04, 2008
Ask DB1: Scarfbaggery
----Hey Douchebag1,
My friend recently went to L.A for a visit. He came back with the ultimate douche-apparel. He thinks its the "in" thing to wear a scarf with a T-Shirt when its not even cold.
He said he got the idea from L.A and hes trying to bring it to the east coast(D.C). Well he has embarrassed us a lot since every time we go out hes wearing that stupid scarf.
He said he got the idea from L.A and hes trying to bring it to the east coast(D.C). Well he has embarrassed us a lot since every time we go out hes wearing that stupid scarf.
-AT
----
----
The scarf has become the go-to adouchrement in recent weeks, confusing many 'bag hunters on this site to posit if the wearers were gay. Like many objects of adornment in the age of male spectacle, scarfs have made the leap from gay subculture to hetero douche culture.
As such, they are to be mocked accordingly, until it's chilly enough to warrant their wearing.
On an unrelated note to the question, I would suck on fiery latina's supple legs like an electrocuted dolphin struggling to free itself from a fishing net off the coast of Osaka.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 11:08 AM 
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hey AT...your friend is wearing the steering wheel from the limo on his wrist. that makes him a douchebag more than the scarf does.
there's not a damn thing wrong with wearing a scarf when it's cold. but when worn with a tshirt, it just makes you look weather-challenged and dumb. i wear a scarf almost every day in wintertime. and if it's cold in my office, i'll wear it inside.
don't hate on a scarf.
there's not a damn thing wrong with wearing a scarf when it's cold. but when worn with a tshirt, it just makes you look weather-challenged and dumb. i wear a scarf almost every day in wintertime. and if it's cold in my office, i'll wear it inside.
don't hate on a scarf.
oh, and DB1?
you're never going to get into Hayden Panettiere's panties talking about electrocuting dolphins.
you're never going to get into Hayden Panettiere's panties talking about electrocuting dolphins.
This photo reeks of thousand-dollar-an-hour hooker.
Let's see ... limo and a smokin' hot excotic woman this guy would never get in his lifetime.
Yep she's a pro.
Scarfs are phat. Lay off.
Vests are rad too.
(Note: these accessories are to be worn ironically. That's the fun of it.)
Let's see ... limo and a smokin' hot excotic woman this guy would never get in his lifetime.
Yep she's a pro.
Scarfs are phat. Lay off.
Vests are rad too.
(Note: these accessories are to be worn ironically. That's the fun of it.)
Recommended for the hipster douche, who REALLY wants to up the douche quotient: The keffiyeh, which is just basically a desert scarf.
In fact if you are a Bedouin douche you could probably wear that with a T-shirt and not be a douche.
(I hope for the sake of this Web page the burkha doesn't take off with the Bleeth set...)
In fact if you are a Bedouin douche you could probably wear that with a T-shirt and not be a douche.
(I hope for the sake of this Web page the burkha doesn't take off with the Bleeth set...)
I think Plinky is thinking of ascots.
wearing a scarf- huge pussy, douchebag or gay (unless weather dictates)
wearing an ascot- you are a bad ass with reckless abandon or Charles Nelson Reilly gay
wearing a scarf- huge pussy, douchebag or gay (unless weather dictates)
wearing an ascot- you are a bad ass with reckless abandon or Charles Nelson Reilly gay
# posted by 
: 11:19 AM
: 11:19 AM
Scarfs are cool right now every blue moon men get a trend so deal with it its not that big of deal stop being a tapout american eagle wearing douchebag
# posted by : 11:20 AM
: 11:20 AM
I grew up in LA but moved to Chicago for college when I was 18. Having grown up in LA, when I was in high school i would wear a scarf when it would get cold (in LA that was about 55).
because I had no idea what weather actually was, as soon as it hit the low 50's in chicago i started piling on the winter gear that I had bought when I moved there in August. Big mistake. When it got truly cold I had no more to pile on and was miserable.
Hopefully AT's douchemetric friend here will learn that painful lesson as well. Only his will be from douchebaggery, whereas mine was from ignorance of the situation.
because I had no idea what weather actually was, as soon as it hit the low 50's in chicago i started piling on the winter gear that I had bought when I moved there in August. Big mistake. When it got truly cold I had no more to pile on and was miserable.
Hopefully AT's douchemetric friend here will learn that painful lesson as well. Only his will be from douchebaggery, whereas mine was from ignorance of the situation.
@anon11:20....there's this form of punctuation called a 'period'.
familiarize yourself with it maybe.
otherwise, douche on!
familiarize yourself with it maybe.
otherwise, douche on!
@jonezy
That's why I said scarfs and vests should be worn 'ironically.' The intention is to show how stupid they are but then people come up to you and think they're "cool."
Point in case: a couple 'o friends and I were up in Michigan about 4 years ago for a concert.
After the show we went to a bar to stay warm and get f'd up.
My boy Matt had been wearing a scarf all night - it was one of those scarfs you get for free with the purchase of booze, like Captain Morgan or Crown Royal or something.
So anyway the 3 of us were drinking for some time and this ditzy looking blonde was eye-ing my friend with the scarf all night. At one point they make eye contact and she then crooks her finger at him as if to say, "Come over here."
So my friend walks over like he's the cat's meow and when he gets there she gives a tug on his scarf, pauses, then says, "Oh, I thought it was a snake."
And she was being serious.
That's why I said scarfs and vests should be worn 'ironically.' The intention is to show how stupid they are but then people come up to you and think they're "cool."
Point in case: a couple 'o friends and I were up in Michigan about 4 years ago for a concert.
After the show we went to a bar to stay warm and get f'd up.
My boy Matt had been wearing a scarf all night - it was one of those scarfs you get for free with the purchase of booze, like Captain Morgan or Crown Royal or something.
So anyway the 3 of us were drinking for some time and this ditzy looking blonde was eye-ing my friend with the scarf all night. At one point they make eye contact and she then crooks her finger at him as if to say, "Come over here."
So my friend walks over like he's the cat's meow and when he gets there she gives a tug on his scarf, pauses, then says, "Oh, I thought it was a snake."
And she was being serious.
with this turd it would be a plus if wrapped tightly around his head... followed by a quick succession of rabbit punches, a roundhouse kick & a brick smash!
as to the scarf issue, I myself find it to be a nifty accessory as weather dictates... spent a fair amount of time in DC & Boston areas last winter & spring & found the item to be a quite stylish necessity
in SoCal, really only required on colder Jan & feb mornings & evenings... otherwise douchey!
as to the scarf issue, I myself find it to be a nifty accessory as weather dictates... spent a fair amount of time in DC & Boston areas last winter & spring & found the item to be a quite stylish necessity
in SoCal, really only required on colder Jan & feb mornings & evenings... otherwise douchey!
being born and raised in cleveland, i must say that scarves are for pussies. (no offense pfah)
then again, we wear shorts when it's 30 degrees or warmer round these parts.
then again, we wear shorts when it's 30 degrees or warmer round these parts.
@plinky...the same damn thing happened to bcs while he was at a bar in Cleveland. except, instead of a scarf, he had his dick wrapped around his neck.
if i've dedicated the song Highway to Hell to any other pic in the past, now's the time to take them back and crown all Highway to Hell references on this pic. it's quite clearly where this vehicle is going. you can even see yellow patches of fire now.
that bitch there may be the Satan of Bleeths. i hate her guts, and i would fuck her like i hate her.
that bitch there may be the Satan of Bleeths. i hate her guts, and i would fuck her like i hate her.
The only scarf I wear is my tattoo scarf, because I can't afford nor can I endure the pain and permanence of a real tattoo.
And no, that's not me wearing my scarf.
And no, that's not me wearing my scarf.
I am just going to say the scarf is baggery at its finest, the scarf is as big of a bag item as bud lite and as big of a bag item as a diamond earing
# posted by : 11:41 AM
: 11:41 AM
The best is seeing douchebags standing in line outside the discos of San Juan, Costa Rica, wearing scarfs and seeing the giant beads of sweat roll down their gleaming foreheads.
You live anywhere near the vicinity of the equator and you wear a scarf; you are a douchebag. Period.
You live anywhere near the vicinity of the equator and you wear a scarf; you are a douchebag. Period.
Hey creature
yeah, but it was 54 this morning! I felt my balls suck all the way up to my liver when i walked outside this morning.
yeah, but it was 54 this morning! I felt my balls suck all the way up to my liver when i walked outside this morning.
look here ya bunch of dickweeds...
when it's cold outside, and your hands get cold, you wear gloves.
the most of your body head escapes through your head and neck.
soooooo....if you want to keep warm, wear a hat and a scar,f. a scarf serves a good purpose and it is not a tool used to identify douchebags.
if anything, it's a tool to identify people who are warm and smart.
so step off the scarf and slowly back away.
when it's cold outside, and your hands get cold, you wear gloves.
the most of your body head escapes through your head and neck.
soooooo....if you want to keep warm, wear a hat and a scar,f. a scarf serves a good purpose and it is not a tool used to identify douchebags.
if anything, it's a tool to identify people who are warm and smart.
so step off the scarf and slowly back away.
Two words: Neck sweat.
I went to college on the arctic shelf (Ithaca, NY). When it warmed up to 20 degrees, all the men would run outside and jam our dicks into the snow.
Although that was less a test of manhood than an acknowledgment that the girls on our campus weren't that attractive. Better to reduce urges and preserve your dick for better days.
I went to college on the arctic shelf (Ithaca, NY). When it warmed up to 20 degrees, all the men would run outside and jam our dicks into the snow.
Although that was less a test of manhood than an acknowledgment that the girls on our campus weren't that attractive. Better to reduce urges and preserve your dick for better days.
Douche bags take anything remotely cool and fuck it up. For instance, Long Board Skateboarding, form fitting jeans, tattoos, Jordans, Dunks, Vans, New Era ball caps, and now scarfs.
BTW: come visit the dude at www.stuffcougarslike.com
just started come talk shit.
BTW: come visit the dude at www.stuffcougarslike.com
just started come talk shit.
that actually reminds me of a recent stint were I wore my mullet wig with a trucker hat out to the bars. I only vaguely remember, but some girls were asking me if it was real.
My other entertaining piece is the sombrero that I've made a tradition of wearing out to the bars at least one night during Christmas season. I mean, anyone can wear one on Cinco de Mayo, but it gets pretty good fanfare with the ladies when you wear it the week of Christmas.
As does the Fedora I wear to any wedding occasion. I guess the ladies dig silly headwear at inappropriate occasions? And it is most definitely douchey in the ironic sense.
My other entertaining piece is the sombrero that I've made a tradition of wearing out to the bars at least one night during Christmas season. I mean, anyone can wear one on Cinco de Mayo, but it gets pretty good fanfare with the ladies when you wear it the week of Christmas.
As does the Fedora I wear to any wedding occasion. I guess the ladies dig silly headwear at inappropriate occasions? And it is most definitely douchey in the ironic sense.
# posted by : 12:00 PM
: 12:00 PM
Nothing like SoCal Novembers when you can walk , barefoot and bleary eyed , to the end of the drive to get the morning newspaper in your boxers.
Unfortunately, at this point one must attempt to make sense out of the LA Times, no small matter indeed
Unfortunately, at this point one must attempt to make sense out of the LA Times, no small matter indeed
Yeah, stop picking on pfah. If you were a bald bastard, you'd be desperate to try to trap heat, too.
Ah, pfah, you know I love you, man. Well, mostly I love your wife and your car...you're kind of a dick.
Nah, just kiddin'. You can use Mr. White's Home for Yellow Strumpets anytime.
Ah, pfah, you know I love you, man. Well, mostly I love your wife and your car...you're kind of a dick.
Nah, just kiddin'. You can use Mr. White's Home for Yellow Strumpets anytime.
@creature
No, but my balls told my liver it was looking bloated. And then my liver got all PMSy and reached up and punched my pleasure center and said "hey fuckwit, I can only process about 2/3s of a tablespoon of alcohol an hour. Lay the fuck off."
And then my pleasure center moaned, and then I had to clean off my windshield....the whole exchange took a few minutes.
No, but my balls told my liver it was looking bloated. And then my liver got all PMSy and reached up and punched my pleasure center and said "hey fuckwit, I can only process about 2/3s of a tablespoon of alcohol an hour. Lay the fuck off."
And then my pleasure center moaned, and then I had to clean off my windshield....the whole exchange took a few minutes.
I see a single scarf has touched off a tense little debate here.
I can think of 50 things for a dude to wear which are more offensive or "gayer" than a scarf:
Crocs
Anything with Mickey Mouse on it
Looney Tunes characters
Shorts in the winter time
College football gear of a college you did not attend
More hair products in your hair than your bitch
Any rings other than your wedding band or your cock ring
tricked out sideburns with a bald head and you're not in a biker gang
etc.
I can think of 50 things for a dude to wear which are more offensive or "gayer" than a scarf:
Crocs
Anything with Mickey Mouse on it
Looney Tunes characters
Shorts in the winter time
College football gear of a college you did not attend
More hair products in your hair than your bitch
Any rings other than your wedding band or your cock ring
tricked out sideburns with a bald head and you're not in a biker gang
etc.
@mr. white...we are cool my friend. and you're right, we balding bastards have to compensate for all the heat streaming out of your domes.
@Ronald McDouchenald...nicely-played sir! i have a snot rocket staring at me from my monitor now.
@bcs....that's hot dude. that's just hot.
@bcs....that's hot dude. that's just hot.
pfah why do you take so much abuse?
Don't hate the playah right?
I wear a scarf so I can tie the chick up when I don't have my rape kit ... uhhhhh, nevermind.
Don't hate the playah right?
I wear a scarf so I can tie the chick up when I don't have my rape kit ... uhhhhh, nevermind.
Scarves aside, is it a douche move to wear a knit cap/scully with a t-shirt? Is the douche factor inversely related to the temperature: the warmer it is, the doucheir the hat? Or is it related to location/venue - drinking in ski lodge vs. middle of the mall?
I would appreciate some anti-douche advice on this one, folks.
And no I am not referring to anything that says D&G, Gucci, etc. Just a warm f*cking hat.
I would appreciate some anti-douche advice on this one, folks.
And no I am not referring to anything that says D&G, Gucci, etc. Just a warm f*cking hat.
# posted by : 12:17 PM
: 12:17 PM
@ Steve L. I'm the demonstrator, my co-worker took the picture for me, my waist was freezing this morning when for the office.
hey, i've worn the knit cap/scully/tuque with a t-shirt before. but i've worn a jacket or hoodie over the tshirt.
i think the knit cap/scully/tuque with ONLY a t-shirt is bordering on douchebaggery.
but i could be wrong. i've got a soulpatch.
i think the knit cap/scully/tuque with ONLY a t-shirt is bordering on douchebaggery.
but i could be wrong. i've got a soulpatch.
heyyyy...waitagoddamnminute...
are we talking fashion in here right now?
it must stop.
enough.
any more of this and the the next thing you know, we'll be watching Queer Eye re-runs.
are we talking fashion in here right now?
it must stop.
enough.
any more of this and the the next thing you know, we'll be watching Queer Eye re-runs.
Up here in Canadia Scarfs are standard operating procedure.
As are gloves and hats.
but in LAX? WITH A T SHIRT? DOUCHE.
As are gloves and hats.
but in LAX? WITH A T SHIRT? DOUCHE.
i like to walk into long john's silvers wearing nothing but a cock sock and ask for the catfish combo
Fucknuts,
Bald guys wear caps.
We wear them for temperature control. Even in summer, When I blast the A/C at 52 degrees sometimes some thermal maintenance is required. I'd rather leave the air blasting and put on the Sox cap for a few minutes than risk the entire office going over 60 degrees by backing it off a little
Bald guys wear caps.
We wear them for temperature control. Even in summer, When I blast the A/C at 52 degrees sometimes some thermal maintenance is required. I'd rather leave the air blasting and put on the Sox cap for a few minutes than risk the entire office going over 60 degrees by backing it off a little
@ Steve L. Honestly, I'm not sure the sex of the 'demonstrator', it's a mystery wrapped in a conundrum wearing a scarf.
@ pfah 12:23
"Fashion" (or lack thereof) is one of the chief indications of douche. While unfortunate, a wholly necessary discussion.
Kinda like having to bring up incest when describing what a great Thanksgiving I had.
"Fashion" (or lack thereof) is one of the chief indications of douche. While unfortunate, a wholly necessary discussion.
Kinda like having to bring up incest when describing what a great Thanksgiving I had.
# posted by : 12:30 PM
: 12:30 PM
Off topic a little, has it been determined that the hott in this photo is hot?
This is one blurry-assed picture
This is one blurry-assed picture
i like to walk into Starbucks wearing a strap-on dildo on my forehead and order a frappuccino with a biscotti.
I had to wipe my ass with a scarf once when I was camping and had some severe diarrhea... we had run out of socks and both my hands were dirty.
I like to walk into Dunkin' Donuts with a fetus strapped to my chest and ask them for three #3 combos.
hey Troy i live in Canada too. and what's funny is that i'm probably supposed to wear a scarf to work if nothing else, because we work in the outdoors all the time (meaning, work in the snow if we have to). but i'm just too lazy to wear them. most of the time i find that wearing a hoodie to cover my ears is enough. if we're talking about working in -30 degrees Celsius (only in Alberta according to my boss - our company runs in BC and Alberta right now) then scarves might be seriously considered as an option. but then so would ski masks.
My scarf was knitted by a rabid marmot using wooly mammoth taint hairs and walrus whiskers.
So I'm definitely notadouche.
So I'm definitely notadouche.
I once laid an egg at Hot Topic, then crushed it with my taint, those skull scarves work way better than Bounty! Now my taint is all shiny wanna see?
i like walking into the local adult dvd store with two tampons stuffed into each nostril and say "'thcuethh me, where ithh your thhhnuff movie thhection?"
@ Douchelexic 12:40
Good question - this treads the fine line between "don't they have a great sense of humor/irony" and "what a bunch of f*cking douchebags."
Based on the staged confusion when the music changes, HUGE DOUCHE MOVE.
In the alternative, the first Thriller inspired wedding dance was humorous; all that followed were douchey.
Good question - this treads the fine line between "don't they have a great sense of humor/irony" and "what a bunch of f*cking douchebags."
Based on the staged confusion when the music changes, HUGE DOUCHE MOVE.
In the alternative, the first Thriller inspired wedding dance was humorous; all that followed were douchey.
# posted by : 12:47 PM
: 12:47 PM
I once wore only my koteka to a Bat Mitzvah, they threw me out 'cause it wasn't 'kosher'...dammit...
At least there's no anon 10:46 a.m. around to accuse DB1 of being "the biggest douche of all" for posting another pic of our new buddy Samir.
And now it seems Samir is pulling an unexpected douche maneuver: hooking up with the "take my pic down NOW" Roxana. Maybe he wants a Douchie.....
And now it seems Samir is pulling an unexpected douche maneuver: hooking up with the "take my pic down NOW" Roxana. Maybe he wants a Douchie.....
I kinda like ascots because I can wear all the dress shirts I bought before I became a fatass with the collar open on casual day and they cover up my lard-ass neck.
@crucial head...my old '67 beetle 'caps? i've always wondered what happened to those. i hope you're putting it to good use my friend.
@wheeze...nice catch dude. bravo.
i have driver's gloves made from the leftovers of Darksock's gluteal skin graft.
@wheeze...nice catch dude. bravo.
i have driver's gloves made from the leftovers of Darksock's gluteal skin graft.
@ Crucial 12:57
Bravo. funny shit.
--------------------------------
bcshas a bong made of tanned meerkat scrotums.
Bravo. funny shit.
--------------------------------
bcshas a bong made of tanned meerkat scrotums.
^Oh wait--I should add the caveat that an ascot worn in any other knot than casual and not tucked into the shirt will forever invoke images of Don Knotts on "Three's Company"--or worse, Fred on "Scooby Doo."
i once smeared my cardigan on the nub of heather mills and wore it to an ugly sweater christmas party.
Did anyone ever watch that show "Date My Ex?" Slade Smiley (his real name) used to wear scarves indoors when it was the middle of the summer in LA. Is he a DB?
# posted by : 1:13 PM
: 1:13 PM
I like to wear a codpiece made from bumblebee wings and three-toed sloth menstruation.
... but only on alternating business casual Fridays.
... but only on alternating business casual Fridays.
@Crucial Head
Mine's made with Nene Goose beak and Monk Seal flippers, but only for Hawaiian themed Fridays.
Mine's made with Nene Goose beak and Monk Seal flippers, but only for Hawaiian themed Fridays.
@ Jean Claude
LOL.
I'm starting to get punchy. I think I have at least 5 more of these third grade jokes left in me ...
LOL.
I'm starting to get punchy. I think I have at least 5 more of these third grade jokes left in me ...
Holy fucking crap, I spend a day doing something productive besides lurking in here like WC Fields in a liquor store, and this is what i wander into.
@douchetoyevsky
Hey! Vyvyan's back! What did you do with that picture of Nuno Betancourt?
Scarves are fine in the winter. They're actually big in Europe and they tie them all weird and it's actually kind of dapper. But it's cold when people do this. Just as people should wear them here when it's cold. If you are warm enough to be in a t-shirt, you do not wear a scarf. Period. It's like those fucksticks who walk around here in February. They're in a parka with the hood up, their hands jammed in the pockets and they're shivering like all get out. But they're in shorts and flip-flops. Beyond douchey. Dangerous and ricockulous. And douchey, too.
I have tampons made of Lassie.
WTF, when in Rome.
@douchetoyevsky
Hey! Vyvyan's back! What did you do with that picture of Nuno Betancourt?
Scarves are fine in the winter. They're actually big in Europe and they tie them all weird and it's actually kind of dapper. But it's cold when people do this. Just as people should wear them here when it's cold. If you are warm enough to be in a t-shirt, you do not wear a scarf. Period. It's like those fucksticks who walk around here in February. They're in a parka with the hood up, their hands jammed in the pockets and they're shivering like all get out. But they're in shorts and flip-flops. Beyond douchey. Dangerous and ricockulous. And douchey, too.
I have tampons made of Lassie.
WTF, when in Rome.
I have an anal vibrator made out of a Furby.
Well, it's really just a Furby with a popsicle stick glued to it.
Well, it's really just a Furby with a popsicle stick glued to it.
holy shit. looking back, a 168-comment thread is indeed impressive.
oh by the way, my computer is made of eel bones. or something.
oh by the way, my computer is made of eel bones. or something.
You guys are scarf nutz.
Singers wear them to keep the vocal cords area warm
Northerners wear them to keep warm.
My California nephew stole my family's Scottish tartan scarf from my father's funeral. He thinks I don't know, or don't care, but I do know and care.
Singers wear them to keep the vocal cords area warm
Northerners wear them to keep warm.
My California nephew stole my family's Scottish tartan scarf from my father's funeral. He thinks I don't know, or don't care, but I do know and care.
# posted by : 8:02 PM
: 8:02 PM
In the vocal music culture, it is really hip to have scarves. The gals and some of the guys even sit around and knit or crochet them in groups these days. And, they wear them to choir rehearsals.
The scarf should be rather bulky with large stitches.
The other idea is to get a fine knit microfibre for its soft plushness.
The scarf should be rather bulky with large stitches.
The other idea is to get a fine knit microfibre for its soft plushness.
# posted by : 8:10 PM
: 8:10 PM
I just cannot believe the number of responses in this thread, and it is't even because she is so hot.
# posted by : 8:14 PM
: 8:14 PM
The scarf has been a regular piece of the uniform for a number of the douchey Williamsburg hipsters for awhile now.
# posted by : 9:24 PM
: 9:24 PM
@medusa - I am one of those parka and shorts wearing douches. Though that's actually because I have hairy runner's legs that radiate heat like a locomotive furnace.
Actually had a teacher in HS make fun of me for that.
@pfah, for the love of Christ, please get a higher res icon?
Actually had a teacher in HS make fun of me for that.
@pfah, for the love of Christ, please get a higher res icon?
"Look babe, this is how they do it in L.A., alright?! That's Los-FUCKING-Angeles, babe, ok?! I saw Jake Gyllenhaal wearing one at a Starbucks... Donnie Darko..was..wearing..one! Babe, shut the fuck up and just look sexy for this picture, ok?"
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