well deserved.

But seriously DB1, the Fung links have got to stop. They are like an A-bomb to my retinas.
 

To go out in public like that, Wheatstalks is obviously a gluten for punishment.
 

Ringleader: "Hey wheatstalks, get underneath that elephant and tickle it's balls"
- - - - - - - - - -
 

hahaha,great pick. the flame twins must have been in a close second, but I am sure we will be seeing more from them later on in this contest...unfortunately.
 

It looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!
 

Some mens' penises get erect when standing next to an attractive woman, this guy, well ...
 

Congratulations Wheatstalks!

I got no hate… only love for you man.

I’ll make sure the limo driver leaves the sunroof open for you when you leave for the post-Douchie after parties.
 

I always loved how this style accentuated his thinning hair line. He should really practice combing over...while he can.

Although I did prefer the Hawk over this guy. I guess the 2 year nomination was what pushed him over. That and boobies.
 

Garth called - he wants to know where you put the Suck-Cut.
 

Wheatstalks wears his hair
Just like the guy on his shirt
Please match Hardy "skulls"
 

Wheatstalks. The Tom Hanks of Douchehair.
 

It's sort of an inverse fauxhawk Wheat's sportin' here. He likes to go against the grain.
 

oh man. Congrats wheatey...i gotta say, I was a fan of the hawk, but now that I notice the fact that you have a half bald pate, I have to agree with the DB1's decision. yer a douche.
 

Yep. No gestures, no visible bling. Just nutty hair and hotts. He does wear a questionable shirt, but it's not enough to cross him over into full douchebaggery. Nottadouche, Stalks. I'd buy you a beverage.

Congrats, are however, in order.
 

congratulations to wheatstalks. he stayed the course, was consistent, and never wavered in his douchey hair. for this he has earned a 2008 douchie. be all the stalk you can be pal.
 

The guy behind Wheaty is filled with a sense of injustice and pure rage at how he could be with such a hot chick.

Just like me...
 

He's like the love child of Kevin Gass of Tenacious D and Dr. Beakman from that poorer but better version of Bill Nye the Science Guy, Beakmans' World. My childhood rocked.
 

I dunno Mike, I see slight mark of the douche and the douche aura is strong in this one. Not the overtly scroteful kind that is ever present in daily life, but the kind that sneaks up after about 6 beers and too much Nickleback. It smells stale, a little like barf, and poopy. It's the kind of douche that that slurs and calls you a whore while trying to fuck you only to end up with a case of "whiskey dick" and cries himself to sleep.
 

i believe there is a gigantic, static-filled balloon right above his head, and just out of frame.


at least, that's what i tell myself.


congrats Wheatstalks. how you beat Hawk, i have no idea.
 

Oh man, I haven't thought about Beakman's World in forever! My mom ordered me a bunch of those videos cause it came on at like 5 AM here. Again, I need a new timezone. I remember one episode they were talking about farting because it was a show on gas. Bill Nye would not have done that! However Bill gets a lot of credit for trying to beat back that horrible Intelligent Design bullshit that's trying to go through schools in some places. Mmm, science.
 

best nickname on WCwDB as well!
awesome.

-crankygypsy
 

I loved Beakman's World. They had that huge bingo ball roller thing that they'd put all the letters they got in, and then roll the letters around to get a random one. And I totally remember the fart one. In fact, I think one of the reasons I got into science was because of Beakman.

Speaking of Bill Nye vs Creationist, what's with Ben Stein all of a sudden being Mr. Intelligent Design? And I used to think you were cool Ben Stein...well not really.
 

Ugh, do NOT get me started on Ben Stein. Ben says that he just wanted to expose the discrimination going on in the science world today. Oh boo hoo a hypothesis (and I am being VERY generous with that term here) that can't be physically tested at all isn't being put on the same level as a theory that has hundreds of thousands of pieces of fossil and DNA evidence as well as numerous lab studies showing evolution!! WE'RE BEING PERSECUTED FOR OUR BELIEFS! Never mind the fact that 99%+ of scientist agree with the theory of evolution. Or the fact that Michael Behe - one of the leading proponents of ID, has testified to the fact that you can't actually test for an "intelligent designer" or that you can't even pin point HOW this "designer" designs things. And let's just brush aside the fact that the Discovery Institute, the people responsible for ID and who helped bankroll Expelled, have this nice little document called "The Wedge Document" that pretty much spells out the fact that they're trying to put religion back in school and every day life because we're all godless heathens. Ok, I'll quit foaming at the mouth now. I just hate these fundie fucktards that wish to stuff their Abrahamic traditions down my throat.
 

The more hippie-like coffee shops around SoCal have a planter of wheat grass growing for the dopes that drink that stuff and demand "Fresh!".

Wheatstalks has molded his fashion in honor of these fine folks.
 

I thought this was Halloween until seeing his other pics.

WOW
 

Whatever works, Dude. Whatever works. Ya might wanna try a sit-up or two sometime though- just a suggestion.
 

Looks like he got his hair idea from his shirt.
 

You're preaching to the choir here Ash. People who believe intelligent design are single-handedly keeping humans from evolving. Which is just as ironic as it is sad.


But anyway. Wheatstalks is a douche if not for just thinking his hair looked good.
 

Wow, this MENSA member doesn't even need to wave his hand when celebrating after Kansas scores a touchdown...
 

Take a gander at what happened when Jon Arbuckle saw Fung's photo.....
 

Señorita Caliente there observed, "Too bad the Miracle Grow he used on his hair doesn't come in a condom, too!"

Ahhhh chihuahua!
 

I don't mean to preach but I think a halloween costume of an electrocuted toddler is just in poor taste.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, the more I look at him in this pic, the more I think Will Ferrell is kind of funny.
 

simply - he wins, because he is committed.
however, he may need to have a special tax applied to him as he has created a hole in the ozone just above his head.
atta boy, wheats!
 

Wheatstalks was my first choice. His hair is just all kinds of fucked up wrong. what makes him such a douche is he's a failure at being a douche. Hawk - now THERE'S a pile of hair, and the human spork that is Strobe Light Drip is just ridiculous. Those and the others are Really Good at looking like morons. but Wheatstalks - WHEETIE!!! Dude - you're absurd! What is wrong with you? You think putting your hair vertical is gonna get ya some Chix? Obviously, you got Teresita here, so perhaps there is something to the "hairspray and starch" frightwig look.
 

Medusa's Hair No-nos for men:

1.Do not bleach. Never. Ever. Period. End of discussion.

2.Do not spike. Unless you are under 30 and seriously rocking the hardcore uber-punk look, and even then it's questionable. It's definitely out if you are a ruddy-faced, doughy middle-management type out to 'get freaky' on the weekend.

3. If you're balding, shave it. Do not style it, do not comb-over, do not grow a pony tail, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. Shave it.

Wheatstalks violates all 3 in one fell swoop. He is the trifecta of hair-douche, the holy trinity of tonsorial abomination. A well-deserved win.
 

Judging by the face of the possible douche behind his shoulder, and the hott on his arm, it's clear to me that Wheatstalks is a Scanner.
 

Flame Twins were robbed. Although we may see them coming away with some hardware, later in the evening.

DB1, are there any dance numbers in this years production?
 

Congrats Wheatstalks!

Savor the moment, because from the looks of things, you won't be able to qualify for any folliclicular-related categories much longer.

These are your good ol' days, you doughy douchebag.

Cheers!
 

I blame myself. My avatar is a pic of me circa 1986. Who knew Aqua Net would still be around in the 21st century?

And yes, I know that I am personally responsible for the hole in the ozone layer.


My bad.
 

@ johnny

Wow. I mean, um. Well, wow. Well, back then I bet it got you a lot of tail 'cause you looked like one of the Lost Boys. I woulda gone for it. Of course, our collective huge hair would have entangled like some briar patch in hell and the jaws of life would have to be summoned.
 

I thought the flame twins was a lock
 

@Medusa...

Yeah, I was a bit of an oddity up here in Milwaukee...

Honestly, I haven't though about how difficult intimacy was in the 80's. Not for any personal reasons, no, it was more a function of how do you get close with so much shellac in the way?

Although the next morning made for some memorable moments. You know, the walk of shame with drunken origami on your head...
 

^BWAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAA


Fuck.

Now I gotta take this thing back to Geek Squad. There's coffee and gorgon spit all over the keyboard.

Try making that same walk in slouchy leather spike-heeled boots. And man, did those skin-tight leggings look like ass the next day with the knee-bumps in them.
 

He looks like a white Buckwheat after the ghost scared him.
 

@ johnny scrotten-

get your bass out.

we're getting the band back together.
 

Wheatstalks is doing the modern combover - the crazy hair detracts from his slaphead.
 

@ Douchetoevsky, Johnny

Oh, fuck yeah. I'm totally flashing back to my days as a budding young gorgonette, with pictures of Jason Patric and Robert Smith all over the walls. I'm putting on the frosted lipstick and shaking up the Aqua Net over here in Mr. White's playpen. Come on down, tonight we're gonna party like it's 1989.
 

@ Douchetoevsky...

Sweet! Let's get all the others on board, we'll play the Douchie after set!!!

@ Medusa...

I'll wear my best Lip Service gear.

Oh wait, it'll never fit me now!


Here, I think this look from a year later works better...
 

BWAAAAAA HA HA HAAAAAA
Oh god, I wish I had access to all my old photo albums right now...I say we make this "Shameful old photo avatar day". Maybe tomorrow I'll follow up.

Ha ha, all MY Lip Service still fits.

That, however, is only as a result of some extreme self-inflicted punishment and denial.

I keep hearing Sisters of Mercy in my head for some reason...
 

@Medusa...

Nice!

Hey now, hey now now...

Sing this corrosion to me...


Like a healing hand...
 

@ scrotten-

i am so there as long as there's Black Death vodka on the rider.


@medusa-
you're hearing the Sisters 'cause I have my stereo turned up real LOUD!!


the hipsters in my neck of the woods are sporting skinny black jeans and chuck taylors these days. makes me chuckle so hard i wet myself. just like the good ol' days...






BTW i only have one shameful old avatar.
all my others are shameful recent ones.
 

Ah, when the fashion trends of your youth come back and get regurgitated by people who were not even born at the time...it makes me chuckle and weep at the same time.

The only cure for that is to run home, put on some Echo and the Bunnymen, look in the mirror and tell myself I still got it as I apply 99 cent wet & wild eyeliner.
 

hahahahahahaha


how'd you know what i was doing saturday night?




rock on beavis!
 

I can smell desperation, that's how. Yeah! Hm-hem-heh-heh, that was cool.
 

Wow, that's some hair right there guys...Cough. Even though I missed a good portion of the '80s save for the cartoons I was subjected to too much Aqua Net. My grandmother still uses it. I'm pretty sure its the same can from the 80s too. Those things never run out, it's kinda like that Wal-Greens commercial.
 

Try this when you're pissed off... instead of dropping a big ol' f-bomb, scream "WHEATSTALKS!!!" with wild abandon. You'll feel better. I swear. :)

He totally deserves this Douchie. And by deserves, I mean purchased 6 bottles of Elmer's glue and spent 2 hours in front of the mirror to look this craptastic.
 

i would love to see this guy getting tazed
 

This douche looks like "Badd Ass" Billy Gunn..after he's retired from wrestling and let himself gain 40 pounds of fat.... It's "Bagg Ass" Billy Gunn
 

@ anon and anon -- yeah, the hair and shirt match.

Gargle my bag, Wheat.
 

Is that a self-portrait on his shirt??
Small hands and smells like cabbage.
 

People like this are just novelties, not human beings. How could you take this guy seriously if you saw him on the street, hes a joke.
 

I kinda like Wheatstalks... I might even buy him a drink.... who am I kidding? I'd really like to chopp that mane with hedgetrimmers, then buy him a drink


I really hope he played pattycake on those bongos!
 

These guys, including Wheatstalk, got nothin' compared to Aaron Studham's giant douchehawk in the Guinness Book of Records.

Wheaty looks like some rat got in there and chewed out the middle of his do. or a Kansas tornado hit the ripened field ready to reap.

Or he stuck his finger up her electric ass. And boobies. What boobies she has. Qualifies him ten times over.
 

I'd say he has a bad case of dog-pee-in-the-grass-turning-it-golden brown. I don't know what she's giggling at, but she sure is cute.
Maybe she's the one who peed on his head.
 

LMFAO@ Doucesaurus Rex

Aaaaaaaaah.....I was hoping for a win by Gabehcuod (who is gettin ROBBED imo) with a sub-category win by Brothabag Leon for facial topiary. I thought Wheatstalks was just sad...

aah well.
SURFER KELLY FTW!!!
 

i just hope Wheatstalks isn't going to be a one-hit wonder. okay maybe i do wish that...
 

You should change this guy's name to Petey Wheatstalk, the Douche's Son-in-law. Rudy Ray Moore would be proud.
 

Good call on the play.
 

Archie Bunker and Don King's love child can score some decent hott I must say.
 

Wheatstalks looks like this Finnish fellow I once knew after his divorce.

Which explains the divorce.

It does NOT explain the Hottie.
 

I've said how much I yearn for that latina hott that Wheatstalks clutches onto before, right?
 

"FLOCK OF SEAGULLS" anyone?
 

Check that receding hairline yo! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!! Playa gots tha wheatstumps up front, for realz. Foolio.
 

Good call killer, you beat me to it...he's not just a client...no wait, he is just a client.
He is why they hate us for our freedoms, and I can't really blame them.
He's hair has declared Jihad on us.

One last thought... How do you leave your house looking like a fat, red, bozo the clown and think you look cool? you are the reason I hate going out, please die you ugly Douchebag.
 

Did he model himself on that 'Guile' character from Street Fighter or something??