I'll just assume DJ Bello is going to win some other category of Douchie. I'm glad we didn't have to vote on this because that Brokencyde video was really fucking disheartening, too. Would've been tough.
 

Douche Unto Others beat me to it.....
 

The latent homoeroticism in this video is absolutely astounding. Is this a fucking training video for Jersey guidos and douchebags nationwide?
 

This video only goes to show what geniuses Bob Odenkirk and David Cross were. They were making fun of B4-4 about 5 years before they were even conceived as a band.
 

ok i think that the dbags keep offering to trade oral sex with that black kid. "ill get down on you if you get down on me"

this sh*t is disturbing.

Bello seriously better win something big.
 

So the moral of the video is that these douchebags can teach a young black kid how to be a pimp...how enlightening.

Also...
Why are they wearing life vests in the rain?
Why are they "dancing" in a prison yard?
Who wrote these lyrics, Ron Jeremy?

WORST. VIDEO. EVER.
 

This reminds me of an SNL video:

Jizz in My Pans
 

I got through about 53 seconds of it and I felt my intestines making their way up my throat to kill me and prevent me from hearing the rest of the song.

Words fail me. There is nothing good about that video, the music, the ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I feel sorry for the kid in the video - I consider this a form of child abuse.

These DOUCHEBAGS suck great buckets of shite. God, what an awful thing to wake up to. Thanks DB1. It was like lying in bed, getting up to check email, cruise by here, and suddenly a trunk full of cold greasy dead squid is dumped in my lap.

Ugh.
 

@suzy --

Andy and Jorma were robbed.

Especially when that SNL short features Molly Sims and Meadow Soprano.

I'm making a note to nominate it for douchevid 2009.
 

Fung is soooo jealous
 

damn, this is truly the EVENT HORIZON of cosmic douchery. the CRITICAL MASS of scrotal egregiousness. i love these guys. i hope they die in a horrible accident. what a hideous hangover wakeup this video is. good work, DB1...
 

That was really horrible.

The only thing worse is going to be the sequel where the smelly dirty bearded homeless guy looks through the G.A.F. viewmaster that the kid gave him and gets transported to that beach with the androgenous douches.
 

@Doucheiro Mifune --

David Cross just made everything all better.

TX.
 

PLEASE KILL ME NOW!
 

It took a few moments to compose myself in order to write something that wasn't just a string of obscenities. This is just so completely and utterly repulsive on so many levels. That it was written and intended as nothing more than "innocent fun," something you could tap your toe to, with hot guys and chicks and cool dance moves, actually makes it worse. That the writers, "singers," and all the rest are apparently unaware of the subtexts makes it clear just how ingrained and dysconscious those subtexts are.

Besides, the music sucks. What did it take them, five minutes to come up with this crap?
 

I don't see anything wrong with it. If I had a nickel for every time I pulled a Viewmaster out of the garbage and something magical happened...
 

I made it to :57.
Then I vomited.
 

I'd like to say, on behalf of my sex, that nothing is sexier than:
a) men who wear more makeup and hair products than I could
b) underage kids
c) phur pimp hats on said child
d) lifejackets in the rain
e) thinly veiled songs about oral sex, booty calls and reciprocity in bed.

thank you, jackholes for the laugh. now go apologize to your mothers.
 

The poor kid finds the only toy he'll get in years in a garbage can; he's so excited to have something to play with, but when he looks inside, all he gets is a lifetime of waking nightmares and repressed memories.

:,C
 

I got 38 seconds in.

The way I see it someone owes me about 10 large for having to look at these pussies for even that long.

In lieu of payment, seeing these guys get their legs broken on a grainy cell phone video will suffice.
 

This can't be real. This is an assault on all the senses. Now I have to brush my teeth and wash my hands. Better yet, I need an acid bath.

Beethoven would've blown his brains out rather than compose such great music to know that it would devolve to this garbage. Thomas Jefferson would insist that all men are not created equal.

Matthew 22:37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt hate the douche with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
 

Nice. 'Bags wearing FUBU. Classy. These guys are definitely douche sticks. And Gay.
 

I hate myself for getting as far as to see these guys wearing what I believe are the orange vests people wear when riding bicycles at night. DJ Bello would be impressed.
 

No doubt about it--this is the Dog Turd of the Millennium. "What is the 'Dog Turd of the Millennium'," you ask? It's poo. A gigantic pile of poo that will trigger the eschaton.

I wonder if these guys look at the color wheel when they're trying to figure out what to wear to make sure they find things that are complementary to their orange skin.
 

the most painful thing about this is that I can't un-see it.
I just threw up in my mouth.
 

As a Canadian, I weep for the shame heaped upon my nation by these fucksticks.
 

@ Doucheiro Mifune

Thanks for the video, I needed a good laugh.

ASvB
 

My dog was sitting next to me on the couch when I opened that unfortunate video. He tried to bite me.
 

Some of the comments on youtube are awesome:


fredmontier2006
It the Douche Bags on the Block !


greeze
Holy jeebus, let me see if I have this right... They're being channeled through a view master that some kid finds in the trash in the ghetto, and they're telling the kid to "get down" on them tonight and that, and I quote:
"I wanna know every inch of your body so I can set your spirit freeeeeee"

Do I have that right? Am I having a nightmare?


alger82
B4-4, rapturing inner city kids to Guido Paradise Island one Viewmaster at a time.


stop08it
"Does it disturb anyone else that it is a bunch of grown men telling some little kid to "get down on them"??"

oh my god hahaha
i still cannot understand how anyone pumped money into this pedo-fest. Also the intro doesn't even match with the rest of the song...this is insanely crappy music.


JessieLynn5577
Pedophilia, Incest and Gay porn...nice.
 

they look like the puppets from Team America


thanks for ruining my sunday.............asshole
 

@ Suzy

I watched your video, laughed so hard a lung collapsed, and then jizzed in my pants.

ASvB
 

Sup Tempest, let's put together a band, we will dress alike, and sing sexy songs to an 8 year old black boy.

On 2nd thought, maybe not such a good idea.

ASvB
 

B4-4 skin up the back vent
 

Also, I hate to rain on DB1's parade, but the song is old. It is the douchiest video of 2000.

It came out in 2000.

Kevin Federline's video is from 2006:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atLJ2BxGIkE



And here's a roiling piece of shit by Justin Stein:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kt_9G_EnOK0


I'd nominate him for douchiest video of the year. It has a lot of the classic douche crap.

As a character, he's not really that scrotey - He's in a T shirt and jeans. His hair has some gel in ti, but he doesn't look too tanned. What makes it ultra-douchie for me is the song itself. It's all about "losing control" and everyone doing the Bboy dance bullshit, which is hot when some broke ass ghetto kids are doing it on cardboard on a street corner scrounging change from passers-by, but is tedious spastic crap when practiced by subrban white kids on an expensive sound stage that is made up to look like some "off the hook" party.

Also, early in the video he has a popped collar.

But it's the music that is ultra-douche. His voice has been completely squished with massive dollops and applications of auto-tune, some huge compressor (LA2A?), a vocoder, a comb filter, and other effects to make him sound ultra-slick and totally greasy. He could be Opie Cunningham, but with all the gloppy garbage he still comes off as a sleazy product of the music industry - the EXACT opposite of a musician.

This kind of shit makes me ill. It's an integral part of the douchebag existence, as they (like so many people) use music to distinguish their kind. I don't think Fung kicks back to some scratchy vinyl by Joni Mitchell. I don't think Fish Slap (oh, and FUCK FISH SLAP!) spends his time in front of a nice sound system examining the intricate details of "Music for 18 Musicians" by Steve Reich. I don't think Metaphysical Hooligan or DNA Dan sit and groove on the untra-senstive psychedelic folk music of Espers.

So, to cut these fuckwads off at the root, you need to excoriate their signifiers of identity, and it goes beyond orange tan spray and AX cologne. It's this crap-rap hip-not bullshit that needs to be zeroed out.

And Justin Stein seems like (basically) a nice kid with some douche tendencies, so he needs to get slapped NOW before he goes any farther.

Also, it's new. This year. So CRINGE.
 

Also: I have nothing against hip-hop or rap. They are perfectly valid forms of creativity. It is when these styles are used to further the unconsciousness industry that raises my hackles.
 

This is fake right...? I mean, they're orange.

I'm sorry everyone, it's just that seeing still photos of orange douchebags is one thing, but to see them in motion... I'm just a little shaken...
 

@ Troy-

Eloquently put, professor.

@ douchiero mifume

Gawd, lulz for the video, that relieved my pain a bit as I took a break from the B4-4 video. I did get all the way through, after stopping to hit myself in the head with my own boot and then watching the Cross/Odenkirk video.

Gads. I don't know where to begin. Three shorn golden marmosets telling a little black boy that they'll get down on him if he gets down on them. Was this perchance produced or written by Michael Jackson?

And the lyrics...jeebus. "We don't have to go all the way, there are other places we could go." Yeah. not to be gross, but penetration can be the least intimate act imaginable. Turn your back on him, stare out the window and if he keeps his hands off of you, it's all business. Now, burying your face in someone's crotch, resting your chin on their taint and slurping away at their genitals ? Hm....that's getting a little friendly, if you ask me.

Of course, the ac-douche-trements, tweezed brows, bleached Fung-style blowouts, puka shells...I have not been to a beach in many years, but I cannot recall any of them so overwhelmingly reeking of POO.

And finally....These turd burglars are Canadian? Steve L., I retract my statement to you from the last thread.
 

Sounds like they like to get down on everyone tonight...
 

DJ (a.k.a. Douche Jockey) Bello wishes he can be B4-4. if he ever achieves his goal, he will start making videos again telling us h8rz how awesome he has become.

this says a lot about both him and B4-4, in that the lot of them should all be dumped into a vat of hydrodoucheloric acid.
 

this video is so. fucking. nauseating.
 

I made it 0:49. Now I've seen some fucked up shit on the internet but never have I seen a video that had to be turned off that quickly.

I would rather have someone hit me in the dick as hard as they can with a flail than watch these effeminate shit bags bounce around a beach again. FUCK I am so angry now.
 

I made it to 1:11. I then jumped from my chair and began to repeatedly scream,
"My eyes! MY EYES!!!"
So I clicked stop.

This abomination has given me a facial tick.
 

Urpiest video, hands down. URP in the throat bad.
Choke-hold bad.
Gasping-for air bad.
Belchingly bad.
Farting-gas bad.
Sand-in-my-teeth bad.
They should be arrested for polluting the beach.
 

I made it to :45 before my neurons went inferno status and I had to stop. Amazing to think such utter douche exists and breathes the same air.
 

This video won Best In Category at this year's Gayest Thing Ever ceremonies, in an upset over Andy Dick's one man show where he pushes a feather duster up his rectum and masturbates to an ice sculpture of Carrie Bradshaw.

Strong work, gentlemen.
 

omfg only women wear stacked tanks...you fucking douchebags

1:35 all I could do and now I'm suicidal.


FUCK
 

@ Troy Tempest

Doubt that song, which I think was made by a 13-year old on either FLStudio or Acid, and ran through whatever shit compressor came with it....no way the production saw even a ghost signal of a L2A2

you sully the honorable name sir!

Meaning, the song has the musical subtlety and sonic nuance of a rusting Soviet tank.
 

The phrase "no homo" would be apt in this situation.
 

ASvB glad you liked it. :) I think it's the new Douchebag Anthem for 2009. And it's freaking funny!

In other news...these guys are still the biggest douchebags. EVER.
 

Well I made it to :53. Then I vomited. I hate it when I vomit because the smell and taste of the vomit always makes me vomit. So it's a never ending cycle. Didn't read the other comments yet, but I'm surprised Brokencyde's Freaxxx didn't make this category.
 

Haha, I see me and Troy had the same threshold for pain when it came to watching this video.

Also, is the black kid in the video the black kid from Role Models? I couldn't watch it long to find out.
 

jesus howd you make it through that whole thing DB1? I fear for your health now
 

This is epic in its douchiness. I fear for humanity when I see things like this.
 

Oh my god...after a little research look what I found. You can't make this shit up people...the sheer creativity behind this boggles the mind

"After breaking up from the band, twins Ryan and Dan formed a group together called RyanDan and have been working on an album consisting of pop and classical music. Ohad (who is now a model) has also worked on pursuing his musical career in Los Angeles. Recently, Ryan and Dan were signed by Universal Records and were scheduled to release their album on September 24, 2007.
In July 2007 RyanDan recorded a collaboration with solo artist Ryan Richter. The subsequent concept album was titled 'RyanDanRyan'"

RYANDANRYAN! Are you effing kidding me!

If I ever see ryandanryan in person I'm gonna cunt punt those little douches.
 

@ Rubber Douchey said...

Doubt that song, which I think was made by a 13-year old on either FLStudio or Acid, and ran through whatever shit compressor came with it....no way the production saw even a ghost signal of a L2A2

Well, I'm not quibbling, but it's LA2A, chief. And the reason why I suspect it (or something equally worthy) is that, while the music itself is refried vomit squeezed out through a rat's rectum, it is a MIGHTY fine squeeze.

I didn't detect any shelving in the vocals at all. The drums have a bit of "pump" to them, but I think that's because the original samples were compressed to shit, and then when blown through Yet Another compressor, they'll do that.

You may be correct about software though. I have Ableton Live and it has a software compressor, that's pretty damn slick. The reverb in Live is also noteworthy, IMHO.

The reason why I think it was an LA2A is the combination of the autotune and vocoder. If they can afford all that crap, they can afford Universal Audio gear, a Neumann mic, and some focusrite pre amps etc.

Example: Alanis Morrisette's "Jagged Little Pill". I remember reading an article in Keyboard where the producer talked about how that was put together. It was done on a shoestring, but using The Right Gear. rater than piss $200k into production, they spent like $20k on a Mac, a big drive or two, ProTools, an LA2A, a Neve pre amp, some REALLY good mics (I think Neumann) a mixer (I fergit) some monitors and some bits and pieces to make his front room into a recording studio.

That was it. There were some overdubs done in another studio, but the basics of the record were done like that.

You wouldn't believe the utter shite that grand gear like UA LA2A's, Neve, Studer, SSL, etc. are forced to endure. That's why the shite sounds so enticing - it's done on Really Good Gear. Singer can't keep pitch? Autotune. singer can't harmonise? Pitch shifter. Singer has bad mic habits? De-Essers and pop-removal. Singer can't keep consistent amplitude? LA2A. Singer's voice is nasal? Use a Neumann U87 with a filter. etc. and so on.

And don't knock Soviet tech, dude. A friend of mien was in Moscow during the collapse. He's a guitar player, and has a vintage (pre-CBS) Fender Twin Reverb and a Fender Vibrolux amp. So he's walking past a table and this guy is selling boxes of tubes. He looks at one and realises it has the identical pattern as his Fender amp's power tubes. He bought 5 boxes of them for $50.

He asks the guy "Where'd you get these?"

"Oh - are fromm repair vacilities for Air Force. For radio in MiG25. Fast Jet. No fly now. So I sell tubes from repair beelding."

"Kewl..."

He brougt them home and BANG!!!! WHAT A SOUND!!! Holy fucking shit! His Vibrolux and Twin Reverb were great amps, but with these Foxbat powertubes - UNREAL!!!! They totally HOWLED! Insanely smooth sound - creamy overtones - massive control over feedback. Simply, the best.

And the Russian tanks? Beat the Germans! And the Egyptians! How?

The Egyptians bought a shitload of Russian tanks. The Russians didn't change the controls to Arabic. So, in battle, people start freakin' out and flipping switches. Invariably they'd turn on the hot plate, which was built in so the Russians could have hot tea in the middle of winter.

Well, in the middle of an insane war of high speed armour in the Sanai, the poor Egyptian bastards roasted in the tanks because they couldn't figure out how to turn the god damn hot plates off.

And that is how Israel won the six day war. So let's hear it for Russian Tanks! THE BEST!!!
 

i might just sue db1 for damages to my eyes and ears after this one.



although the dance that the end is catchy......
 

I honestly believe these people should be killed for this. I don't know what else to say.
 

Really, any man who serenades an 8-year old boy should be in a freak show. Not have their video produced.

Unless the producer is a pederast. Wait, that explains a whole lot...
 

'If you get down on me, I'll get down on you'

My god its hard to uncover the hidden message there isnt it...

I got 1.01 in and couldn't hand anymore jersey skeeze, please tell me it ended with a rabid dog mauling them all.
 

This insult to all that is worthless did nothing but speed up my bowels...

I blame the education system, which may go to a government conspiracy. But they fuck so much up that I can't see them performing this with such precision...

And, yes, the ponytail types find a shiny red thing and make it whatever they want. A singer that can't sing. An actor that can't act. And people fall for it. Once again, this is the education system. And the decay of the family unit along with its moral and social values.
 

Those guys look like they should be marching in a gay pride parade.
 

That was wretched, I made it to 1:50

--dbBen
 

I...wha?...er...what?...ow...CRAP brain is leaking out of my ears now. Thanks for that. Fuck, these guys are gayer than Lance Bass' underwear drawer. I mean, shit, I have a metal rod in my car specifically for guys who try to "get down on me." I have NO qualms about using it. A dance break? Are you kidding me? Am I stuck in the fucking 90's with Backstreet Boys and N'Sync. Actually you know what, these are more on the level of LFO. I feel like I've been assaulted. Why does that happen so often on this site? It's 6:37AM and I have not had enough coffee to handle this level of baggery.
 

Did he just say, "I'm gonna make you come...over to my house"?
 

@ wrapped up

He did. He did indeed. My heart stopped when I heard it, and a little bunny somewhere cried.
 

I made it through all the other douchey videos you put up, DB1...DJ Bello...and those dopes who want to "get freaky now"....I know there are plenty of others that I have thankfully blocked out. But not this time. I couldn't do it. It's only 3:42 - not that long - but each second feels like it's taking a month off of my lifespan. These guys make Wham! seem like Motorhead.
 

Im gonna make you come tonight ....................................................over to my house.

wow. Kids used to love this shit when I was younger...I never thought about it like this at all but holy crap. I mean we knew it sucked but the lyrics make me wanna kill someone.
 

the facial expressions in this vid are priceless.

@ Troy Tempest
your buddy got 6 of those tubes left over?
and i also just wanted to say that sometimes double compression on drums can yield badass results... as long as you arent propositioning a child for sex to the beat of said drums
 

Did these twatwaffles even understand their own lyrics?
 

Speaking of Brokencyde...I hate to bring them back up, but did anyone see their Myspace page and their 151 PAGES of pictures of their barely legal female fanbase? I'm guessing some of these are underage as well.

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=85699815&albumId=849753

God I hated high school. I'm proud to say I'm pushing 30. I mean, I really look forward to getting old, and then eventually dying. The 60's happened, shit was decent for a hot minute, and since then our rock star representatives have become increasingly more and more lame. I guess procreation demands low-brow-knuckle-dragging crunk metal.
 

@ wrapped up:

Hey, we must be cousins!
 

They don't look like gay men- they look like ugly, butch lesbian women! The hair, the unflattering sweatpants, tank tops, oh and those stupid coral necklaces... Definitely reminds me of a bulldyke gym teacher from high school.
 

Liberace gay.
 

Why would they do this?
 

It took 3 days watching it in 30 second intervals at a time, but I finally got thru it, Jebus help me.

I came away knowing three things...
1 - Dry heaving from this is worse than dry heaving from an El Toro tequila shot contest.
2 - My childhood wonderment of shock and aw from a Viewmaster had its throat slit with a crumbum peddled shell necklace.
3 - These scrotastic taint ticklers can't even get chicks in their own video.

They need to be shot in the back of the head in a public square for all to see.
 

catchy.


Like an STD.
 

For enlightening my to your blog I give thanks - - -

to the gushing endorsements of Elizabeth Banks.
 

These guys are still around. Two out of the three made a light jazz band called RyanDan or some shit like that, and they play shows around Toronto.

They're still garbage. I should know. I saw this video when it first released. It sucks just as much now as when it first came out.
 

I used to work out at the same gym as them in Toronto. They lifted weights for 5 minutes, then they would stare at their abs in the mirror for the next 20. We called those "douche-reps"
 

are these guys post or pre ops?
what a bunch of faggots
 

Sadly these Douche Canoes make O-Town look cool.
 

GAAAHHHHHHHHH!
 

This post made me wonder, but where are they now?

Here they are folks...
http://www.ryandan.com/
 

dude that was the most obvious display of latent homos ever...huge coincidence though one of those douches cousins works with me and for some odd reason she said that his family was proud!!!?...wtf