Fung is just solo douche. Self-tweezing is self-pleasing is self-skeezing. And when you reach of stage of ashen lavender skin, you need nothing else for singularity.
 

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congratulations Fung. now go fuck yourself.



Liza Minnelli called. she wants her eyebrows back.
 

The overflowing pile of dung that is Fung has been detailed on this site at length, so I will leave it at this...

This self-absorbed, sun-stained porcupine deserves nothing less than to have his liver impaled with a pencil before being dumped overboard in the shark infested waters south of South Africa.

You smell of poo so bad the hotts don't want you.

We shall see if the sharks mind the smell.

Be gone Fung.
 

I love that in the self-portrait he is looking at the i-Phone screen instead of just looking into the mirror.

Technology creates a need for itself. Technology needs Fung.
 

I love that in the self-portrait he is looking at the i-Phone screen instead of just looking into the mirror.

Technology creates a need for itself. Technology needs Fung.
 

i think the eyebrows is the creepiest part. Which begs the question, in a cage match between Fung and Fish Slap for douchiest manscaping, who wins?

I bet we see FUNG with some tatts soon...

Fuck Fung Slap!
 

Oh when the sun goes down and the moon comes up
I turn into a teenage goo-goo muck
Yeah I cruise through the city and I roam the streets
Lookin for some fully shorn scrotums to eat
You better duck, when I show up, the goo-goo muck.

I'm a night douchebag looking for some head
With a burnt umber body underneath that head
Yeah I'll get more penis with a little luck
Cuz I'm a teenage douche and a goo-goo muck
You better duck, when I show up, the goo-goo muck.

-With apologies to Lux Interior and Poison Ivy
 

does he have white or blonde roots?

or is that a border between the orange and the scalp?

it almost looks frosted
 

@ crucial_

nice Cramps reference
 

also, we haven't seen Gator in a long time- let's check in on him, shall we?
http://www.scottalexander.tv/media/now-mag2.pdf

Gator should be up for the lifetime achievement award (or did he already win it last year?)

#1!
 

Fuck FUNG

Congrats to Fung the Freak for his Douchie award but the dude really needs to see the psychiatrist about his "identity crisis".
 

Four months on, I still shit my pants when that photo pops up.

Fuck you, Fung. Fucking fuck you, fucking Fung.
 

gator also bought his own town in Bulgaria:
http://item.slide.com/i/uid=sG4JbwioKSSpj8Id4HP1DvNex2uLMhMuxdrll6KBx2yl6wRkKr34k47RCJoU6KLz7-_-QquTkTY
 

Great googley-moogley, I somehow missed the Fung self photo in bathroom mirror before! Is he, do you think, contemplating shaving his 'do? That would, of course, initiate a reduction in bagosity, and I think Fung is probably pretty concerned with keeping the douche factor as high as it can possibly be. Maybe he wants to get a great big dollar sign scalp tat so he can be in top form to go hunt down HJBBAD and be his bitch/build his house and love it. And what the hell is that brocaded thing hanging on the wall supposed to be? A bath towel? Fung, please, oh please, crawl back up into yo' momma's fatally-embarrassed baby maker and continue your devolution there!!!
 

Fung is everything that is wrong with Jersey and more. I should know I see assclowns like this all time as I live there... Congrats Fung on being all you could never be and less. Now join the Army and get a real tan.
 

Fung is Meta, even.

Although Samurai Scrote will always be the Meta's Meta -to the power of Meta.
 

my stomach is doing that uncomfortable gurgling thing. Is it diarrhea or Fung?

It's the Fung Effect!

I need to paint the porcelain bowl now.
 

Is the number of awards getting too high yet? If not, I'd like to suggest one:

Douchiest non-Weekly Winner

Perhaps Scroteboy Slim and Brothabag Leon can duke it out with another choad. Frankly, I don't recall these guys being in any Weekly runnings, which would be criterion #1.

The contestants could be those scrotemunches who were featured in Friday Haiku/Attic Cleaning, Wednesday Limerick, Caption This Pic, etc. who for whatever reason never saw a Weekly.

What do you say, DB1? Regulars?
 

@wheeze...i like it. but DB1's brain is probably already fried from counting votes. who knows though? maybe he'll down a few Ho-Hos and be ready for the idea.
 

Fung owns Glitter on DVD.
 

Fung is the new michael Jackson. I wonder if he sleeps in a hyperbolic chamber?
 

@pfah -

Thanks. It came to me while seeing Leon get a Douchie and be denied of another one (in favor of Blowfish), and then I realized Scroteboy had sort of faded. I figured there had to be more such asshats featured here, though this could run the risk of featuring too many obscure candidates as well. But the takedown requests and/or back-and-forth with these two were great fodder for the page and may deserve some level of recognition.

But yeah, I know DB1 is as busy counting votes as Rod Blagojevich is on the phone calling Richie Daley for a bailout. Maybe this could be refined and introduced in 2009.
 

Lay off the roids, douche.
 

One can only hope, when he's approaching retirement age, he looks back at all the pictures of himself and says "What the fung was I thinking?"
 

@Don't Wheeze, didn't we vote to have Scroteboy be the weekly winner, and for fung to just get recognition with his own solo spot in the HoS?

Otherwise, a Most Underrated Douche Bag Award would be a good idea.
 

Is there any doubt to why Fung is always alone? He radiates douche like a sonic devastator, thereby driving away anyone and everyone within reasonable distance. A solo arist indeed.

A douchey day
in deep and dark Douchecember
Fung is alone,
Gazing from his window to Rehab below
On a freshly chopped and silent line of blow.
Fung is a rock
Fung is an island
He's built walls
A fortress deep and ornage
that bleeth can't penetrate
I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain
It's just me and my cameraphone again
Fung is a rock
Fung is an island.

Y'know, in keeping with the Simon and Garfunkel and all...
 

Arch, I think you have something there - Scroteboy was beaten for a Weekly by Hourglass back in August, but it was Old Chap who was awarded a default Weekly win due to Fung's singularity.

I couldn't remember Scroteboy being up for a Weekly before, though he made a few other appearances here once he realized he was on the site at all.
 

Oh yeah, I got scrote boy and Old chap mixed up. Well another contender for the Most Underrated Bag could be Kenner. Although, Scroteboy should get something for his wonderful write-ins and for actually sending a group of anonymous people on some guys blog a picture of his Cornell degree. That should have been voted for Douchebag Move of the Year.

If you did most underrated Bag, would you do most underrated hot? That might be pushing the limits, cause we'd end up giving everyone an award, but it'd be an idea.
 

Good Liza Minnelli call, Pfah.

Honestly, tho, what man does that to his eyebrows? I mean, not even the gays I know do that. Maybe Fung is someone's Jewish Grandmother? Either that, or he's trying to go orthogonal with the whole gay/straight spectrum, just take that shit to a whole new dimension. Maybe he doesn't like men OR women...only other things Fung.

Yeesh. Ever have one of those thoughts you wish you could unthink? Fortunately Halo Angel is still up for the revisit. Ahhh. All better.
 

Why is Fung not shown with hotts? I agree he has achieved Douchie Singularity but even the Gator has hotts. Why Fung why?
 

Oh my fucking god!
 

dude, seriously...this guy is revolting...in the mirror pic he looks like a chemo patient. I cannot believe that people think this looks presentable. fucking disgusting
 

With apologies to S&G.


-------------
The Douchebag


I am just a scroteboy
and my life is on the web
I have squandered my existence
For a pocketful of AX cans
I'm such a douchebag

All lies and poo
Still a scrote hears
What he wants to hear
And disregards what's true...
Mmmmmm Hmmmm...

When I left my home and my family
I was no more than a scrote
In the company of douchebags
In the blaring of the nightclub dancefloor, frolic wild.
Laying low, laying in a puddle of my own puke where the faggy people pee
Seeking out the places no one else should be.

I will lie!
I will lie and lie and lie!
I will lie!
I will lie and lie and lie and lie!

Asking only workman's wages I go looking for a job but I get no offers.
Just some hassle from the whores on 7th avenue.
I do declare they kicked my ass thinking I was working their corner there.

oh lie lie lie lie lie...

I'm laying out my wifebeater, my white belt and cologne,
this is my life.
Cuz I don't know who the fuck I am or where I'll roam.
Where I'll roam - I'm such a douche.

In the field stands a douchebag
He's a scrotebag and insane
And he carries the reminders
Of every trend he fell for so he cries out
In his vanity and pain
"I'M A DOUCHEBAG, I'M A DOUCHEBAG"
But the scroteboy still remains...

Mmmmm Hmmm, to say:

I will lie!
I will lie and lie and lie!
I will lie!
I will lie and lie and lie and lie and lie!

I will lie!
I will lie and lie and lie!
I will lie!
I will lie and lie and lie and lie and lie!

I will lie!
I will lie and lie and lie!
I will lie!
I will lie and lie and lie and lie and lie!
 

Troy pisses excellence.
 

nice work Troy Tempest!
 

Does anyone else thing Fung could possibly be a hemaphrodite?
 

The Black Salamanders of planet
Frostytipspenishedia called, they want their leader back.
 

I think Fung may just be the first documented case of being gay for ones-self. Which begs the question. If we cloned Fung who would get to be on top?
 

@pfah, 9:51

I wanted to comment on the eyebrows, too, but I didn't have anything as good as the liza call. Good work, sir.
 

All pics of Fung should be eradicated. I can't it take any more. The human eye is too precious a gift to be abused by his outlandish uber-'baggery. We don't want future generations to be burdened with proof that he ever existed.

He is a flame that needs to be pissed on.

AV
 

Ladies and Gentlemen, this just in: a picture of Fung as a newborn
 

The Cramps... A pair of S&G's... Wow... Cool stuff!

Fung.

Damn. There really isn't anything left to say, is there?
 

NO MORE FUNG. Please. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS STILL GOOD IN THE UNIVERSE. Please. No more fung, DB. I have to scroll fast just to get passed his picture but it's still there and I see a flash of it. And I die a little bit inside.
 

@crucial-

rock on mi amigo!

i've been lookin' for some new kinda kick...

(with apologies to medusa & tony tempest)

oh and fung? fuck you.
 

DB's keyboard was missing the letters C and K the day he decided to name Fung.
 

well deserved Douchie. Fung inspires more of a disgust then a htred, such as Fishslap.
 

@ Frodouche 1:08

Fucking gross. I think, though, that this is the first time I looked at a photo of a turd and laughed instead of gagged. Well done, sir, the lead-in to that was everything.
 

plinky, thats gold. LOL shit
 

to Medusa and pfah:

Thanks. It took a bit of doing - it's one of my favourite S&G tunes, and I wasn't sure I wanted to / could desecrate it.

But, fuck wutevahh...

I will NEVER desecrate their song "America". It just freaks me out too much. I know it's S&G, how "mild" can it get, but that track - there is so much in there, I dunno.

I was able to slap "The Boxer" because the lie lie lie lie" part I always thought was a bit over done on their part. The rest of it is genius. God, I sound like an old fuck. But - hey I AM an old fuck.

But not THAT old. Yet.
 

Fung represents everything that is right about this site...and wrong with the world. Fung for President...of Douche.
 

Fung sucks compared to Samuria Scrote. Eat dick Fung.
 

People actually go out in public looking like this greatest single argument in favor of birth control?

Buckaroo
 

A well deserved enigmatic category for a singularly enigmatic douche phenom. It is not that he lacks social aptitude for mauling he hott: it's that he is possessed of a narcissism so monumental that it cannot let any hot chick impede it.

--VS
 

all hail the Fung.

er i mean -

all Fung the Fung. for when Fung becomes a verb and you Fung the Fung, the world becomes a crock full of Fung. or a Fung full of Fung, if you will.

this is starting to feel like a Daleks episode on Dr. Who now. can Fung be rightfully considered the Daleks of the HCwDB world or is that too nerdy a reference for you regulars?
 

Fung, if you're out there:

Gargle my bag, you fucking dicksmoker.
 

@ Steve L. 7:45

EXTERRRRRMINAAAATE! EXTERRRRRMINAAAATE!!!

You can never be too nerdy. Nerd is the anti-douche. Tom Baker makes me hot.
 

I have legally changed my name to Tom Baker.
 

i'm a scrotewanking fungus
with a heart full of hair gel

i'm the runaway prompa
with douche aura and poo smell

i am new jersey's forgotten pus
my red cups are ubiquitous...

(from "douche and destroy')

-james osterbag
 

@ Frodouche

Now you need the scarf. And I promise you I would think there was nothing douchey about it.
 

Fung Defunged...........with photoshop



http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg270/jsfumato/DB9109-790502.jpg
 

FUNG!! U silly piece of shit! STOP!!!
 

Wait a minute. You can't have an actual gay guy on here. He belongs in a mag for gay guys who are playing stereotypes of themselves - the kind of gay guy that even gay guys laugh at.
Fung is clearly gay. Simple. And because of that I move that he be eliminated form the running. He's an impressive candidate but I believe ultimately unqualified. The last picture in his run truly is the icing on the cake.
And more power to you Fung. Somewhere in some alternate and indeed gay universe there is a home for you; a website with many, many men who are dying to slather your orange makeup on you each and every day. It's just not here on this site because this is a site for guys who aren't openly gay, right?
Now if someone can prove that this guy truly does eat at Taco Bell as opposed to Der Wienerschnitzel then by all rights he's got to win Douche of the year hands down - hell maybe even Douche of all time.
Yes.
...Yes.
 

that look on his face... i just realized that he is caterpillar of douche soon to enter chrysalis only to emerge as doucherfly. the up close and personal angle has granted me a view to the great future Fung has in store for him when he reaches the maximum douchery he thinks he has already attained.
 

nice tweezed eyebrows
 

Fung is my favorite character of all time on the site.
 

Da googles, dey doo naahting!

Fun looks like, given a talking to and probably a beatdown he could wind up almost a nice guy... almost.
 

Quatum Physisicists call it Fung-Theory... that picture contains eleven dimensions of douche.
 

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Holy god! I've figured it out. ...Atrazine. It's an herbicide. Banned in most civilized countries but still legal here in the U the hell S of A. Atrazine turns male fish and frogs into females. It leaches into the water. It's gnarly. I'm guessing Fung-Shui here lives near a plantation or something.(Corn maybe? Bwar!)
I'm serious. Look this crap up. It emasculates species that come into contact with it. Hell this could even be the root cause of all Douchery - the absurd confluence of contradictory hormonal and cultural forces clashing in unholy nebula: Balco's proprietary, Roid-rage inducing bovine growth hormone exercise shakes mixed with the subsequent personality-shattering loss of penile mass, commingled with an unwitting Atrazine induced estrogen spike and a sudden, curious hankering for songs by B4-4 and you have the strange and startling phenomena that is neither man nor woman but simply...Douche.

Christ, what have we unleashed?
 

If this isn't a sign that the end is near. I don't know what is!
 

I am just absolutely disgusted that people like this exist. What are the odds of him getting an education?
 

I refuse to lower my intelligence level to believe this is a real photo, and therefore, an actual HUMAN BEING.
 

Fung and Joey Porsche
must give each other bag lessons.
where do they "learn" to behave in this manner?