Baron Von Goolo was robbed!

I am personally going to maim everyone that voted for against him...

...though Still Life was pretty worthy.
 

BEST. PICTURE. EVER!

Screw the Guggenheim, this one belongs in the Louvre!!
 

@crucial-

"...that voted for against him." Dude, it's only 9 AM. You aren't supposed to move to the hard stuff till at least 1pm. then it's ok.

I actually really enjoy the composition of this picture. And by composition I mean boobs.
 

DB1's mention of gender identities is apt, since the "hott" appears to have a penis. In the spirit of found art or some other such nonsensical movement, can someone photoshop that bulge out, for the love of Jebus?
 

@mr. white

it's just a FUPA.

A huge, turgid, FUPA.
 

@Douchelexic,

I had Still Life as my original nomination in this category until I was reminded of Von Goolo's Douchebag's of the Living Dead Halloween exhibit.

I still believe The Baron would have won if we had gotten the hype machine started earlier.
 

I would have preferred "goatse"....
god damn you bcs!

alternate title for photo is "New Mexico Hawk Vato with Bull Dick Dama"

Jorge is a very respectable also ran
 

She does appear to have massive features.

Boobs,
Legs,
Penis...

She's cute from the bent arm up. I just dunno what's goin on beneath that. Is it windy? did a breeze just fill out her dress awkwardly? Is she wearing a fanny pack? Did her parents see who she was dating and decide to put a chastity belt on her? Who knows. This pictured deserved the douchie.
 

I spent about 15 seconds hiding her bulging package in MS paint, and even then she still looks kinda like a fat dude with fake tits:

http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/6712/guggenheimdouchie799200cs6.jpg

:/

- captain abag
 

Not to be a jerk, but I just want to make sure that the intellectual qualities of this site don't decay. Arbus' not Arbus's.
 

I still believe she is just posed akwardly, like she has been told, "It poses pretty for the picture, or it gets the hose again".

Maybe she just has really thick thighs. The right one there looks rather meaty too. I don't want to consider the alternative.
 

Tell it to the New York Times, anon.
 

DB1 with the smack down!
 

@ anon 9:19

Go pick up a copy of The Elements of Style by Strunk and White. You will find out that DB1 is correct and you are not.

That chicks' wang makes this pic all the more surreal.
 

You GO, DB1!!! "Fowler's Modern English Usage" (via Lynne Truss in "Eats(,) Shoots & Leaves", p. 55) has yer back, too.

Fuck Fung.
 

Re packages, there's some synergy happening between "SLWC" and "I Say, Old Chap." But I'd rather not think about cock b/c I'm not Fish Slap's pal.
 

DB1 can puke blue? Impressive.
 

I love it. But I don't love her large fleshy penis.

It really is a great composition, with the red solo cup making a subtle appearance.

Although it is perspective, the small man in the background could almost be interpreted as a small douchebag sitting on the shoulder of every grand douchebag whispering, "grab her tit and make kissy lips bro"
 

Anybody notice the scenery looks like a shot from the first Doom game
Appropriate!
Turdacious
 

Bitch is packin...that is all.
 

I am not doing this to steal hits from your site DB1, but I feel that this link is a good compliment to HCwDB, So I want everyone to take a look.

Fuck you, Penguin
 

http://publicanonymous.blogspot.com/
 

is it me or does this guy look like a douched out David Cox Arquette
 

Is blue dress still pregnant or did she have the kid already?
 

I've puked blue. The early 90's were a strange and mystical time.

What if it was a painting from Picasso's blue period? Would that matter?
 

@Douchelexic

That link is great. "FUCK YOU I'M AN ANTEATER!" Poor little dude.

Anyways, holy fuck I remember this picture and it still scares the bejesus out of me. However, I remember the discussion about her "package." This poor young lady is the victim of 1)REALLY bad fabric and 2)a REALLY bad pose. If you take a look at where her left heel is, you will see that she's leaning quite a bit (meaning her douchey date is a fucking midgit. I know because I've never been able to take a picture with my shoes on with my current bf. Fucking shrimps :p)which is causing her to lean her left thigh against his hip. When she did this, the fabric caught between her legs, creating a horrible bulge by her thigh that looks like a penis. This is why you get the pros to do this shit AT the prom.

Bagling in the back is cracking me up. What? Is he on security duty or something? Watchin the big man's back and lady! Ugh, I hate high schoolers.
 

This is truly a masterful selection.

Just like a Diane Arbus, I want to know more about these characters.

Why are they dressed up?

Is she pregnant or shaped like a barrel? Or are there other nefarious reasons for her odd anatomy?

What's the guy in the background doing there?

Why are they on some kind of moon landscape?

At what strip club did they meet?
 

Nothing says class like a rock lawn.
 

Like the shirtless hustler in Warhol's Haircut #1, the dork yakking on his cell phone in the background serves to ground us in this ephemeral moment in time.
 

@captain abag

Thanks, man. That helps. I'm going to try to replace this image in my mind with your edited one. By hitting myself in the head with a hammer.

@ashfish

I'm 6'9". Call me.
 

Along with the disjuncture, spectrality, and sub-par light beer we have boobies. Looks like Rooster Boy might also get the best of both worlds with "her."
 

Does that woman have something down the front of her dress or is she just deformed? Or is she a guy?
 

Does that woman have something down the front of her dress or is she just deformed? Or is she a guy?
 

I'm thinking Jorge should have won this Douchie.
 

This is my new laptop wallpaper.
 

The only thing this is missing is the little boy grabbing his crotch. Or the big boy in blue doing the same.
 

How pathetic, he's either a waiter or some 21st century Devo clone. Look at the identically dressed choad scrote in the backroung.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

this photo really is a masterpiece.

There's just so much BROKEN SHIT in it, and so many conflicting narratives.

So, we've got a kind of tall chunk-style girl with a skinny little scrote boyfriend. OK.

Where are they?

In a yard with some guy who looks like a security guard.

The yard is made of quartz gravel. It is surrounded by a high wall. Perhaps the exercise yard for a low security prison? But if that's the case, what's the BEER doing there? And if it isn't a prison, then what's the guard doing there?

And if it isn't a prison and it is some kind of a prom photo, then where is it? In someone's back yard. but if it's someone's backyard, what's with the guard?

So, if it's not someone's backyard, then it's a business's backyard, but WHAT THE HELL kind of a hole IS THIS PLACE???

This photo is sheer genius. It is completely unreadable. I have no idea who these people are or why they are where they are. It's like some bizarre pastiche of an LA punk scrote, a prom date from Puerto Rico, a security guard from Mall of America, and the empty parking lot of a Jiffy Lube in Henderson Nevada.

With a half gone twelve pack of crappy beer.

Stunning. Truly Stunning.
 

@ douchelexic

I felt like a choad for not knowing what a FUPA was. Unfortunately, I knew of the "goatse" that Creatch was referring to. My degeneracy is all wrong. Anyway, in a quick search, I came up with this. I'm beginning to think Blogger is home to some major degenerates. I think I need to move all of my blogs to this site to enhance readership.

@ Shamespear...ANYONE can puke blue after enough blue curacao. Trust me on that one.

A fine choice for the Guggenheim collection if I ever saw one...This photo stirs some latent, uncomfortable emotions in me. I want to say that this photo was taken in Arizona. Possibly Nevada, but I'll stick with Arizona because it's a little closer to the bone for me.

I spent many a vacation in Arizona while I was married, visiting his mum in Mesa. I would sit on the patio and listen to the booze-fueled screamfests going on between my mother-in-law and my ex, filtered through the closed patio doors behind me. And as I sipped coffee and stared out over the yard, my mind would begin to wander and I would reflect on the error of my ways.

I would stare over this exact same yard, with its jagged red rocks, barren and hostile as my marriage. My eyes would follow the blank expanse of that same brick wall, as imprisoning as the confines of my home life, the cell in which I had been confined through complacency and compromise and eventual surrender. And above it all streteched an endless canvas of sky, scrolling on infintely, never interrupted by tree or post. Beyond that wall was the world, something I had been kept from, my ambitions and possibilities dying without me on the other side.

This photo is a story of despair and confinement, of deception and broken promise. She smiles proudly and poses, knowing it's all a sham. He is isolated and alone, as his hand seeks her fleshy curves, looking for warm reassurance even though his heart feels nothing towards her. He is in disguise, dressed as a caricature of a man, putting on a front, shielding his eyes from the eventual, inevitable blast radius of misery and heartbreak.

And the figure lurking in the background...he seems inconsequential at first, but the more the viewer observes him, the more he begins to have an oppressive weight. Perhaps he represents the guilty conscience? Or he is the representation of the secrets we keep that lurk quietly in the background? They speak softly into a phone, slowly becoming louder and louder, a deafening scream that wipes the fake smiles off our faces as the eternal sky stretches above. Our pain becomes a mere moment, a speck, lost in the endless silence of time...

You can catch the rest of my TV special "Medusa Oblongata: Tour of the Postmodern" on PBS, Sunday nights at 7.
 

I think I'd rather have fire ants crawl around my eyeballs and sting away then have to look at this contrite piece of shit anymore.

This is about as artistic as a Thomas Kinkade painting.





Ha ha ha , a Thomas Kinkade 'painting.' That's rich.
 

@Mr. White

Thanks, now my day is totally shot and its only 10AM. Thinking about tall men with broad chests and thick legs to wrap yourself around. Expansive backs to dig your nails into and big shoulders to bite... Shit, I need a lunch break already.
 

At the risk of getting jumped on by the forum, does this guy bear a striking resemblance to the head guru douche, Samuri Scrote?
 

She's wearing a size XL Bike Athletic Supporter under that moo moo..



... later that day she was seen filming a sequence at Tranny Surprise.com
 

i just have to say that medusa's words soothe me like a hot chocolate on a cold cleveland night.

in the words of the cleft lipped dude from gladiator, this picture vexes me. i am thoroughly vexed.
 

I only have one issue with this selection:

Coors Light described as 'mediocre light beer'?!?!?!

I believe 'radioactive weasel piss from my dead grandmother's anus' would be a slightly more apt description.




oh, and fuck fung
 

Is that wasteoid on the right the illegitemate punk rock rebel son of Prote from K-Pax?
 

I thought Coors Light was a beer flavored water?!
 

The guy yapping on the phone in the back looks like he's wearing a similar outfit. Is this the beginning of a new trend, the DuoDouche?

On an unrelated note, they really went all out for the landscaping in that yard, didn't they?
 

"I'd like to thank all the boobies, my fellow douche-hunters, and of course, one famous FUPA that...."

Just kidding.

I don't think there will be another Still Life and I lack the ample 'bag hunting/masturbation time these days to continue as a worthy 'bag hunter.

But I will say to all, be in touch with your inner douche my friends. Feed the douche and squelch it. Be one with the douche within and forget your doucheousness. Find as many scenes depicting the shocking co-mingling of boob and scrote. That healthy reminiscence will set you free.

I am officially retired. Douche on my friends. Douche on.
 

@ Orel

Say it ain't so! Cue sad piano music from the Incredible Hulk . . .
 

@Medusa
I had to use three Kleenex® to get through your tale of despair. Moving.

@Anon 9:19
"decay. Arbus'"
Use a colon next time. Ass
 

*Screaming like Stanley Kowalski*

ORRRRRRRREEEEELLLLLLL!!!!
 

@ frodouche

Thank you. I specialize in bitterness.

@ bcs 12:20

Oh, yes. You're not crazy. I know you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.
 

She MIGHT have an ostomy bag hanging there full of you-know- what.

Since it is hanging left, it appears to be a colostomy bag. If it were hanging right, it would be an ileostomy bag.

Or even yet, it might be a UROSTOMY bag full of Mr White's favorite substance. However, that would be lower yet, like mebbe strapped on to her thigh.

Just sayin.'

Either that, or she's a friggin' wallaby.
 

Thanks, Crucial.

Bravo, Medusa.

Bon voyage, Oral.

Fuck, Fish Slap.
 

This photo was taken in the future, after Judgement Day. We can not change our fate. This is what will happen to us in 12 years.

Unless Db1 goes back in time and kills their parents.
 

Does this count? She is most decidedly NOT a hot. The protruding belly and Jell-O Jigglers arms block out the sun in rhythm to her flow across the stage to accept her Douchy. Worse yet, they block out the tidal flow of her ta tas, which, if I am correct, are influenced by the pull of the moon's gravity... Or the static electricity from still life's hair.
 

if Coors Light isn't already an overdouched beer company it would've severed an arm for being associated with Still Life Bag in any form.

and hey, i actually remember this pic too.
 

Perhaps I'm just used to living in a place where most women are 300lbs+ titas but holy crap there's a lot of hate for this girl on here. Yeah, I totally understand it looks like she's got a penis going on but still she really isn't THAT bad. I would have suggested a different fabric for her dress and some different underwear so she didn't have the tummy bulge but hey, everyone has to make those undergarment mistakes once. Shes cute, I wouldn't call her gorgeous but she's by no means UGLY. Yeah she's got some extra weight on her...so what? IMHO that doesn't give you an auto disqualification from being hot. Now, she's no tier 1 that's for sure, but definitely a 2 or 3 from what I can see.
 

Isn't Child with Toy..... really just HJBB&D at 5 in the park?

Good thing he survived to become a pharaoh.
 

ashfish, I think the lack of hotness lies in the butterface she has going on coupled with the cock issue and the fupa.

I threw away a couple more minutes dicking around at work and editting the pic to try and remove the flab and cock stigma.

It almost makes her look hot, but you're forced to ignore her face entirely and downplay the sneaking suspicion that those funbags are probably not that great at all when you take them out to play:

exhibit B:

http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/9207/guggenheimdouchie799200di4.jpg
 

Ah see, I think her face is kinda cute. Perhaps I really have just been around too many locals.
 

Holy fuck, it's like Eraserhead joined Devo and then went trawling for MILFs at Fiesta Mart.
 

I'm betting this is somewhere outside of San Antonio, Texas.

Nice edits by anonymous...but the mystery package still haunts the pic (and me).
 

Seriously... well said, DB1.

Sören Kirkedoouche
 

She is awkwardly posed in the pic.

The 'bulge' is in fact her left upper thigh/lower hip, as her left foot is placed behind her right at an awkward angle.

What you are seeing is not a foopa, although she is almost guaranteed to have one in less than two years, nor a penis.

She does not have the classic curvy figure, more of a straight line between lower ribs and hips. This leads to some rather confusing shape formations when combined with a flowing. light, loose dress and stark douche black background, shot in the lip chapping arid breeze of whatever zeroscaped hell this is.
 

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Minimalist art
Pose in pebbles, ignore Coors
She has a huge schlong
 

Europe handbag or europe DOUCHEBAG?
 

Alan Cumming makes his first appearance on HCwDB.com.
 

This should have been DQed. That chick is not hot and it looks like he/she has a penis.
 

She is so, hott. and she's wearing a goaley jock, just in case the evil self on douche's left shoulder tells him to knee her in the groin.