Thursday, December 18, 2008
Purest State of Douche-Zen: Samurai Scrote
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If a douche makes a kissy face in the forrest and no one is around to photograph it, does it really happen?
# posted by 
: 4:47 PM
: 4:47 PM
Samurai Scrote has spoken...and now I must go celebrate by consuming deadly amounts of whiskey in his honor.
DarkSock said...
When Samurai Scrote was born, inexplicably Walter Matthau, who was across the Atlantic, stood up in a 4-star restaurant and shit his pants so full they had to cut them off with salad tongs.
7:48 AM
When Samurai Scrote was born, inexplicably Walter Matthau, who was across the Atlantic, stood up in a 4-star restaurant and shit his pants so full they had to cut them off with salad tongs.
7:48 AM
elastic snap hole of the love bear said...
I have heretofore abstained on commenting about Samurai Scrote, but I can remain in silence no longer. Allow me the following brief ruminations on Mr. Scrote:
Half of me was reluctant to write this letter out of concern that Samurai Scrote may be one of those people who say drossy things for the sole purpose of gaining attention. But given Samurai Scrote's track record, I have concluded that by destroying our moral fiber, Samurai Scrote is playing Russian roulette with our future, so I've decided to proceed. Before I get moving here, let me point out that Samurai Scrote has been deluding people into believing that we should abandon the institutionalized and revered concept of democracy. Don't let him delude you, too.
Samurai Scrote sometimes puts himself in charge of turning geeks loose against us good citizens. At other times, one of his subordinates is deputed for the job. In either case, Samurai Scrote is rarely shy about speaking from the depths of his ignorance. Now that that's cleared up, I'll continue with what I was saying before, that he uses the very intellectual tools he criticizes, namely consequentialist arguments rather than arguments about truth or falsity. The worst kinds of ornery impertinent-types there are can go right ahead and convict me for saying that whenever I confront Samurai Scrote about his damnable, inimical whinges, he either tells me that I don't understand him or feeds me some meaningless mumbo-jumbo about priggism, but History, acting as the goddess of a higher truth and a higher justice, will one day smilingly tear up this verdict, acquitting me of all guilt and blame. I can reword my point as follows. I'd like people who make a mockery of our most fundamentally held beliefs to find themselves behind bars, looking out. His fibs are grounded in phony acts of kindness, at least insofar as this essay is concerned.
When Samurai Scrote hears anyone say that he and callow, pharisaical analphabetics are cut from the same cloth, his answer is to feed on the politics of resentment, alienation, frustration, anger, and fear. That's similar to taking a few drunken swings at a beehive: it just makes me want even more to treat the disease, not the symptoms. He may unwittingly cast ordinary consumption and investment decisions in the light of high religious purpose. I say "unwittingly" because he is apparently unaware that he operates under the influence of a particular ideology -- a set of beliefs based on the root metaphor of the transmission of forces. Until you understand this root metaphor you won't be able to grasp why I recently informed Samurai Scrote that his lapdogs challenge all I stand for. Samurai Scrote said he'd "look further into the matter." Well, not too much further. After all, his shameless platitudes can be quite educational. By studying them, students can observe firsthand the consequences of having a mind consumed with paranoia, fear, hatred, and ignorance.
On balance, Samurai Scrote's lamentations are all too often clad in the homicidal garb of militarism. Still, there is indubitably an uppity dimension to Samurai Scrote's obloquies. Or, if "uppity" is too narrow of a term, perhaps you'd prefer "corrupt". In any case, that's just one side of the coin. The other side is that in asserting that science is merely a tool invented by the current elite to maintain power, Samurai Scrote demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision. Samurai Scrote cannot tolerate the world as it is. He needs to live in a world of fantasies. To be more specific, I have some advice for Samurai Scrote. He should keep his mouth shut until he stops being such a vapid ninnyhammer and starts being at least one of informative, agreeable, creative, or entertaining.
All that we have achieved may now be lost, if not in the bright flames of corporatism, then in the dense smoke of the subhuman, apolaustic campaigns promoted by flighty purveyors of malice and hatred. Please don't misinterpret that last statement to mean that Samurai Scrote understands the difference between civilization and savagery. That's not at all what it means. Rather, it means that we can no longer afford to do nothing about Samurai Scrote's spleeny suggestions. Instead, we must strike while the iron is hot and carve solutions that are neither unbridled nor peremptory. I just want to say that we must overcome the fears that beset us every day of our lives. We must overcome the fear that he will make bargains with the devil. And to overcome these fears, we must stick to the facts and offer only those arguments that can be supported by those facts.
It probably sounds like I'm being pretentious, but Samurai Scrote hates you -- yes, you, because you, like me, want to unite rich and poor, young and old. The Pecksniffian devotees of conspiracy theories who collaborate with him should be spat upon -- or worse -- for their lack of integrity. An obvious parallel from a different context is that Samurai Scrote's compeers' thinking is fenced in by many constraints. Their minds are not free because they dare not be. I admit I have a tendency to become a bit insensitive whenever I rebuke Samurai Scrote for trying to glorify putrid grifters. While I am desirous of mending this tiny personality flaw, Samurai Scrote claims that he knows 100% of everything 100% of the time. Predictably, he cites no hard data for that claim. This is because no such data exist.
Samurai Scrote's notions are not modeled on democracy as envisaged by philosophers of the Enlightenment, but on the anti-democratic principles of negativism. Then again, that notion has been popular for as long as narcissism has existed. Although Samurai Scrote occasionally exhibits a passable simulacrum of rationality, many people think of his abysmal, unconscionable propositions as a joke, as something only half-serious. In fact, they're deadly serious. They're the tool by which the most gin-swilling potlickers I've ever seen will judge people by the color of their skin while ignoring the content of their character some day. A second all-too-serious item is that some shallow ochlocrats are actually considering helping Samurai Scrote waste hours and hours of our time in fruitless conferences and meetings. How quickly such people forget that they were lied to, made fun of, and ridiculed by Samurai Scrote on numerous occasions.
Do you really think Samurai Scrote will ever learn from his mistakes? My intention here is not just to confront and reject all manifestations of neocolonialism but also to illustrate the virtues that he lacks -- courage, truthfulness, courtesy, honesty, diligence, chivalry, loyalty, and industry. Although he won't admit it, Samurai Scrote claims to have turned over a new leaf shortly after getting caught trying to bowdlerize all unfavorable descriptions of his tirades. This claim is an outright lie that is still being circulated by Samurai Scrote's lieutenants. The truth is that it is not news that Samurai Scrote's language consists largely of euphemism, question-begging, and sheer, cloudy vagueness. What speaks volumes, though, is that most of you reading this letter have your hearts in the right place. Now follow your hearts with actions.
What if we collectively just told Samurai Scrote's confidants, "Sure, go ahead and crush people to the earth and then claim the right to trample on them forever because they are prostrate. Have fun!"? That would be worse than arrogant; it would harm others or even instill the fear of harm.
I want to make this clear so that those who do not understand deeper messages embedded within sarcastic irony -- and you know who I'm referring to -- can process my point. Samurai Scrote sees himself as a postmodern equivalent of Marx's proletariat, revolutionizing the world by wresting it from its oppressors (viz., those who bring the communion of knowledge to all of us). From the perspective of those inside his lynch mob, the best way to make a point is with foaming-at-the-mouth rhetoric and letters filled primarily with exclamation points. The reality, however, is that in a rather infamous speech, Samurai Scrote exclaimed that superstition is no less credible than proven scientific principles. (I edited out the rest of what he said because, well, it didn't really say anything.) Some of the things Samurai Scrote says and some of the things he stands for are so pigheaded, it hurts to think about them. And that's all I have to say.
8:30 AM
I have heretofore abstained on commenting about Samurai Scrote, but I can remain in silence no longer. Allow me the following brief ruminations on Mr. Scrote:
Half of me was reluctant to write this letter out of concern that Samurai Scrote may be one of those people who say drossy things for the sole purpose of gaining attention. But given Samurai Scrote's track record, I have concluded that by destroying our moral fiber, Samurai Scrote is playing Russian roulette with our future, so I've decided to proceed. Before I get moving here, let me point out that Samurai Scrote has been deluding people into believing that we should abandon the institutionalized and revered concept of democracy. Don't let him delude you, too.
Samurai Scrote sometimes puts himself in charge of turning geeks loose against us good citizens. At other times, one of his subordinates is deputed for the job. In either case, Samurai Scrote is rarely shy about speaking from the depths of his ignorance. Now that that's cleared up, I'll continue with what I was saying before, that he uses the very intellectual tools he criticizes, namely consequentialist arguments rather than arguments about truth or falsity. The worst kinds of ornery impertinent-types there are can go right ahead and convict me for saying that whenever I confront Samurai Scrote about his damnable, inimical whinges, he either tells me that I don't understand him or feeds me some meaningless mumbo-jumbo about priggism, but History, acting as the goddess of a higher truth and a higher justice, will one day smilingly tear up this verdict, acquitting me of all guilt and blame. I can reword my point as follows. I'd like people who make a mockery of our most fundamentally held beliefs to find themselves behind bars, looking out. His fibs are grounded in phony acts of kindness, at least insofar as this essay is concerned.
When Samurai Scrote hears anyone say that he and callow, pharisaical analphabetics are cut from the same cloth, his answer is to feed on the politics of resentment, alienation, frustration, anger, and fear. That's similar to taking a few drunken swings at a beehive: it just makes me want even more to treat the disease, not the symptoms. He may unwittingly cast ordinary consumption and investment decisions in the light of high religious purpose. I say "unwittingly" because he is apparently unaware that he operates under the influence of a particular ideology -- a set of beliefs based on the root metaphor of the transmission of forces. Until you understand this root metaphor you won't be able to grasp why I recently informed Samurai Scrote that his lapdogs challenge all I stand for. Samurai Scrote said he'd "look further into the matter." Well, not too much further. After all, his shameless platitudes can be quite educational. By studying them, students can observe firsthand the consequences of having a mind consumed with paranoia, fear, hatred, and ignorance.
On balance, Samurai Scrote's lamentations are all too often clad in the homicidal garb of militarism. Still, there is indubitably an uppity dimension to Samurai Scrote's obloquies. Or, if "uppity" is too narrow of a term, perhaps you'd prefer "corrupt". In any case, that's just one side of the coin. The other side is that in asserting that science is merely a tool invented by the current elite to maintain power, Samurai Scrote demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision. Samurai Scrote cannot tolerate the world as it is. He needs to live in a world of fantasies. To be more specific, I have some advice for Samurai Scrote. He should keep his mouth shut until he stops being such a vapid ninnyhammer and starts being at least one of informative, agreeable, creative, or entertaining.
All that we have achieved may now be lost, if not in the bright flames of corporatism, then in the dense smoke of the subhuman, apolaustic campaigns promoted by flighty purveyors of malice and hatred. Please don't misinterpret that last statement to mean that Samurai Scrote understands the difference between civilization and savagery. That's not at all what it means. Rather, it means that we can no longer afford to do nothing about Samurai Scrote's spleeny suggestions. Instead, we must strike while the iron is hot and carve solutions that are neither unbridled nor peremptory. I just want to say that we must overcome the fears that beset us every day of our lives. We must overcome the fear that he will make bargains with the devil. And to overcome these fears, we must stick to the facts and offer only those arguments that can be supported by those facts.
It probably sounds like I'm being pretentious, but Samurai Scrote hates you -- yes, you, because you, like me, want to unite rich and poor, young and old. The Pecksniffian devotees of conspiracy theories who collaborate with him should be spat upon -- or worse -- for their lack of integrity. An obvious parallel from a different context is that Samurai Scrote's compeers' thinking is fenced in by many constraints. Their minds are not free because they dare not be. I admit I have a tendency to become a bit insensitive whenever I rebuke Samurai Scrote for trying to glorify putrid grifters. While I am desirous of mending this tiny personality flaw, Samurai Scrote claims that he knows 100% of everything 100% of the time. Predictably, he cites no hard data for that claim. This is because no such data exist.
Samurai Scrote's notions are not modeled on democracy as envisaged by philosophers of the Enlightenment, but on the anti-democratic principles of negativism. Then again, that notion has been popular for as long as narcissism has existed. Although Samurai Scrote occasionally exhibits a passable simulacrum of rationality, many people think of his abysmal, unconscionable propositions as a joke, as something only half-serious. In fact, they're deadly serious. They're the tool by which the most gin-swilling potlickers I've ever seen will judge people by the color of their skin while ignoring the content of their character some day. A second all-too-serious item is that some shallow ochlocrats are actually considering helping Samurai Scrote waste hours and hours of our time in fruitless conferences and meetings. How quickly such people forget that they were lied to, made fun of, and ridiculed by Samurai Scrote on numerous occasions.
Do you really think Samurai Scrote will ever learn from his mistakes? My intention here is not just to confront and reject all manifestations of neocolonialism but also to illustrate the virtues that he lacks -- courage, truthfulness, courtesy, honesty, diligence, chivalry, loyalty, and industry. Although he won't admit it, Samurai Scrote claims to have turned over a new leaf shortly after getting caught trying to bowdlerize all unfavorable descriptions of his tirades. This claim is an outright lie that is still being circulated by Samurai Scrote's lieutenants. The truth is that it is not news that Samurai Scrote's language consists largely of euphemism, question-begging, and sheer, cloudy vagueness. What speaks volumes, though, is that most of you reading this letter have your hearts in the right place. Now follow your hearts with actions.
What if we collectively just told Samurai Scrote's confidants, "Sure, go ahead and crush people to the earth and then claim the right to trample on them forever because they are prostrate. Have fun!"? That would be worse than arrogant; it would harm others or even instill the fear of harm.
I want to make this clear so that those who do not understand deeper messages embedded within sarcastic irony -- and you know who I'm referring to -- can process my point. Samurai Scrote sees himself as a postmodern equivalent of Marx's proletariat, revolutionizing the world by wresting it from its oppressors (viz., those who bring the communion of knowledge to all of us). From the perspective of those inside his lynch mob, the best way to make a point is with foaming-at-the-mouth rhetoric and letters filled primarily with exclamation points. The reality, however, is that in a rather infamous speech, Samurai Scrote exclaimed that superstition is no less credible than proven scientific principles. (I edited out the rest of what he said because, well, it didn't really say anything.) Some of the things Samurai Scrote says and some of the things he stands for are so pigheaded, it hurts to think about them. And that's all I have to say.
8:30 AM
bcs said...
samurai scrote hid inside a hollow rockwall at the cleveland museum of art's "jurassic birds and their prey" exhibit and popped out during a 3rd grade field trip and skull-fucked the exhumed corpse of minnie pearl with a strap-on mrs. buttersworth's bottle.
2:56 PM
samurai scrote hid inside a hollow rockwall at the cleveland museum of art's "jurassic birds and their prey" exhibit and popped out during a 3rd grade field trip and skull-fucked the exhumed corpse of minnie pearl with a strap-on mrs. buttersworth's bottle.
2:56 PM
Samurai Scrote has 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible hot pink with whale-skin hubcaps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights. And he drives around in that baby at 115 MPH, getting one mile per gallon, suckin' down Quarter-Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam container and when he's done suckin' down those grease-ball burgers, he wipes his ass with the American flag, and he tosses the Styrofoam containers right out the side, and there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because he's got the bombs. That's why! Two words! Nuclear fuckin' weapons, okay? Russia, India, Australia, they can have all the douchebags they want. They can have a big douchebag cake and walk right through the middle of Tiananmen Square and it won't make a lickin' difference cause Samurai Scrote's got the bombs, okay?
Because Samurai Scrote teaches you to live life the way it should be lived. Moment to moment. Yes, because every moment with Samurai Scrote could be your last. Oh yeah. You could be walking down the street tomorrow, feeling good about yourself, drink free, drug free, looking forward to the future and he nudges his pet water buffalo off of a 75th floor ledge. And it's headed for the ground at a hundred-and-seventy-five thousand miles per hour. And curchunk he's imbedded in your head. You're dead on contact. The headline in the Post the next day reads, 'Man Killed by Samurai Scrote.'
Because Samurai Scrote teaches you to live life the way it should be lived. Moment to moment. Yes, because every moment with Samurai Scrote could be your last. Oh yeah. You could be walking down the street tomorrow, feeling good about yourself, drink free, drug free, looking forward to the future and he nudges his pet water buffalo off of a 75th floor ledge. And it's headed for the ground at a hundred-and-seventy-five thousand miles per hour. And curchunk he's imbedded in your head. You're dead on contact. The headline in the Post the next day reads, 'Man Killed by Samurai Scrote.'
Samurai Scrote does not walk on solid ground, but rather, the ground itself lays a path for him.
Or in other words, he is one of the biggest douchebags to ever grace this blog.
Or in other words, he is one of the biggest douchebags to ever grace this blog.
# posted by : 5:20 PM
: 5:20 PM
Samurai... I fuckin' love this guy. Looking at this picture makes me giggle every time. And I'm not much on giggling.
# posted by : 5:23 PM
: 5:23 PM
Samurai Scrote has 'HOTCHICKSWITHDOUCHEBAGS.COM' tattooed across his forehead. Hence the tie when he goes incognito.
sniff....(wipes a tear)...sniff...(holds back more tears)...
this could possibly be the happiest day of my life. happier than the day i was married....happier than the day my children were born.....happier than a 4th of july parade....happier than my first drunken puke in my parent's front yard...happier than the time meg lyons let me feel her apple pie in high school....
i mean in a single day, first Fish Slap, then Bra! (time for a huge cele-bra!-tion), and now....sniff...Samurai Scrote!
the only thing that could put me over the top of scrote/douche nirvana would be a 2008 Douchie Award to -- DONK! The Donkster! Donkey Douche!
exxon valdouche was robbed!
fuck fish slap!
this could possibly be the happiest day of my life. happier than the day i was married....happier than the day my children were born.....happier than a 4th of july parade....happier than my first drunken puke in my parent's front yard...happier than the time meg lyons let me feel her apple pie in high school....
i mean in a single day, first Fish Slap, then Bra! (time for a huge cele-bra!-tion), and now....sniff...Samurai Scrote!
the only thing that could put me over the top of scrote/douche nirvana would be a 2008 Douchie Award to -- DONK! The Donkster! Donkey Douche!
exxon valdouche was robbed!
fuck fish slap!
hell, it's like the Triple Crown of scrotedom!
1 - Slap!
2 - Bra!
3 - SS!
have we ever experience such history in the making on hcwdb?
i hope to live to tell my grandchildren about this moment!
1 - Slap!
2 - Bra!
3 - SS!
have we ever experience such history in the making on hcwdb?
i hope to live to tell my grandchildren about this moment!
CrucialHead isn't. His mind is fast but his body is slow.
He is in a boat. The boat drifts slowly on a still lake. The lake is shrouded in dense fog. All is still and quiet. CrucialHead can see the dark form of another boat slowly approaching. He can see it is on a collision course with his own boat. He calls out "Hey YOU!!! You FUCKING DOUCHEBAG!!! WATCH OUT!!! WE'RE GOING TO COLLIDE!!!" And he furiously turns his back and begins paddling to avoid the collision.
But it is all to no avail. The boat collides with CrucialHead's skiff and stops. CrucialHead, filled with rage and disgust turns around to face his attacker and sees there is no one in the boat. It was simply adrift.
Now, who was CrucialHead yelling at?
What was his anger directed towards?
Something real or something he invented?
CrucialHead fights the valiant fight, but his mind is clouded with visions of Samurai Scrote. Samurai Scrote fights no battles and sleeps in peace and proceeds in excellence with no vision at all.
No visions. No sounds. Everything is everything for Samurai Scrote.
My poo embraces all and lives in your soul. When you see me, you do not see me - you see the me in you.
That is the contradiction in your mind. I cannot speak to your politics. I cannot give you truth. I can only live the life you all live. Chasing hotties.
What is the sound
He is in a boat. The boat drifts slowly on a still lake. The lake is shrouded in dense fog. All is still and quiet. CrucialHead can see the dark form of another boat slowly approaching. He can see it is on a collision course with his own boat. He calls out "Hey YOU!!! You FUCKING DOUCHEBAG!!! WATCH OUT!!! WE'RE GOING TO COLLIDE!!!" And he furiously turns his back and begins paddling to avoid the collision.
But it is all to no avail. The boat collides with CrucialHead's skiff and stops. CrucialHead, filled with rage and disgust turns around to face his attacker and sees there is no one in the boat. It was simply adrift.
Now, who was CrucialHead yelling at?
What was his anger directed towards?
Something real or something he invented?
CrucialHead fights the valiant fight, but his mind is clouded with visions of Samurai Scrote. Samurai Scrote fights no battles and sleeps in peace and proceeds in excellence with no vision at all.
No visions. No sounds. Everything is everything for Samurai Scrote.
My poo embraces all and lives in your soul. When you see me, you do not see me - you see the me in you.
That is the contradiction in your mind. I cannot speak to your politics. I cannot give you truth. I can only live the life you all live. Chasing hotties.
What is the sound
Samurai Scrote has a trophy case in his rectum for his Douchie..... it currently has an Oscar, a Grammy, an Emmy, a Pulitzer, a Nobel Prize, an Obie, a Clio, a Miss America Tiara Cock Ring & a big ol' bronzed donkey dick
Samurai Scrote has a way of reminding people of his utmost importance. even if he lost to Deathtongue in Bracket 3.
in his honor, i shall spend the next few hours meditating in front of pictures of the Praying Mantis katana. it is the perfect blade for the Samurai Scrote, for he, in his magnificent zen-power, walks the world and snatches up hotties as gracefully and mercilessly as a mantis catches its prey. hell, i might even buy this $1500 ~ $1800 blade, and spend day and night doing kendo moves with this baby in hopes that i can become more like Samurai Scrote. i will probably be focusing on the Flowing Water Strike, for Samurai Scrote flows like water.
in his honor, i shall spend the next few hours meditating in front of pictures of the Praying Mantis katana. it is the perfect blade for the Samurai Scrote, for he, in his magnificent zen-power, walks the world and snatches up hotties as gracefully and mercilessly as a mantis catches its prey. hell, i might even buy this $1500 ~ $1800 blade, and spend day and night doing kendo moves with this baby in hopes that i can become more like Samurai Scrote. i will probably be focusing on the Flowing Water Strike, for Samurai Scrote flows like water.
SMAURAI SCORETE IS A FAGAOTH WHOARA! NO FUCKEN FUE TARMAL FOR SAMUARAI! #32@ I SHIT ION HIS MANDANJA!!
SLPAHOLE!
SLPAHOLE!
Two douches 'bag, and there is a poo; what is the douche of one choad 'bagging?
# posted by : 7:36 PM
: 7:36 PM
Samurai scrote shits live kittens right into the waiting hands of prepubescent girls.
Christ, it never ends, does it?
Christ, it never ends, does it?
I feel like an outsider looking in on this one. After participating in nearly every thread of 07 I took a looong hiatus and missed much of the SS hype and somehow I'm grateful for it. I feel as though I have escaped the taint that now infests the multitude of participants in the original SS thread. Don't get me wrong I don't feel as though I'm better for having missed it, I just feel like most of us have been on a 3 year long bender and a few of us have skipped showering that's all. That's right I'm looking at you Sock.
And on that note and in the spirit of the holiday tradition started way back in 07 I have fashioned some additional Christmas prose for you bitches, enjoy.
I call this one:
Holiday with the hag
You fucking bitch, you stupid whore
you know I took the money
when you hit the fucking door
and went to Vegas, honey
I met a friend from a flyer
and had a lot of fun
she promised a good time
for the low price of $41.
So that night we got together
and tried to "reconcile"
I came inside your ass
and drew a Dirty Sanchez above your smile.
I gave you one last gift
something to remember me by
the gift that keeps on giving,
one you'll have until you die.
It starts with a little scratching
and a little burning too
I really can't remember
if it's herpes simplex 1 or 2.
Either way Merry Christmas
you fucking cheating whore
I hope the lawn boy was worth it
when your cooters dripping on the floor.
Not the greatest but I'm really fucking hammered right now. Merry Christmas and Happy fucking Hannakuah (or however you spell it) bitches! Happy fucking holidays and may all your hotts look like Mia Sara and may Scrotefu be with you as well.
F.F.S!
And on that note and in the spirit of the holiday tradition started way back in 07 I have fashioned some additional Christmas prose for you bitches, enjoy.
I call this one:
Holiday with the hag
You fucking bitch, you stupid whore
you know I took the money
when you hit the fucking door
and went to Vegas, honey
I met a friend from a flyer
and had a lot of fun
she promised a good time
for the low price of $41.
So that night we got together
and tried to "reconcile"
I came inside your ass
and drew a Dirty Sanchez above your smile.
I gave you one last gift
something to remember me by
the gift that keeps on giving,
one you'll have until you die.
It starts with a little scratching
and a little burning too
I really can't remember
if it's herpes simplex 1 or 2.
Either way Merry Christmas
you fucking cheating whore
I hope the lawn boy was worth it
when your cooters dripping on the floor.
Not the greatest but I'm really fucking hammered right now. Merry Christmas and Happy fucking Hannakuah (or however you spell it) bitches! Happy fucking holidays and may all your hotts look like Mia Sara and may Scrotefu be with you as well.
F.F.S!
What's your style Sam Scrote?
SS: You can call it the art of Douching without Douching.
The art of douching? Without douching?
Your style is unorthodox.
SS: But effective.
-Taken from Enter the Douche Bag
SS: You can call it the art of Douching without Douching.
The art of douching? Without douching?
Your style is unorthodox.
SS: But effective.
-Taken from Enter the Douche Bag
Samurai Scrote is not worthy to wipe Pumpy's ass.
Signed,
I am not a Douche, just an Asshat.
Signed,
I am not a Douche, just an Asshat.
# posted by : 10:05 PM
: 10:05 PM
Samurai Scrote has more hair than Rod Blagojevich, but hides it with his bad-ass headband.
# posted by : 10:14 PM
: 10:14 PM
Samurai Scrote collects shiny things like a raven and plasters them all over his Hottie.
# posted by : 10:19 PM
: 10:19 PM
Mr.Samurai Scrote, Esquire, is the gentleman's douchebag: he comes in a leather Dopp kit, and wipes with a 100% cotton handkerchief with the initials SS embroidered on the corner.
# posted by : 10:26 PM
: 10:26 PM
Samurai Scrote once took lessons from Richard Nixon on how to "do" five-o'clock shadow.
# posted by : 10:30 PM
: 10:30 PM
If you hang Samurai Scrote on a Christmas tree and pull his string necktie, his cock pops up, his legs fly out and his mouth flies open with his tongue hanging out; he's the wooden boy-toy.
# posted by : 10:37 PM
: 10:37 PM
@D.Baggins V2.0
No worries mate. A few of us just got retardedly obsessed with Sam Scrote when an anonymous girl asked us why we were focusing most of our commentary of Rush’s music, rather than Samurai Scrote. So, naturally, we obliged her challenge. As you well know, Anons should never challenge the regulars here at HCwDB. That thread became a catharsis for some of us mentally challenged helmet humpers.
Meanwhile, your epic poem was… well, epic. Mu’fuckin’ masterpiece. We need more of them. I’m glad you came back to the fold, as I’ve thoroughly enjoyed your rants. You may have been gone a long time, but the douchebags of the world haven’t put their shenanigans on hold for you.
Continue to unleash your rage mi amigo!
No worries mate. A few of us just got retardedly obsessed with Sam Scrote when an anonymous girl asked us why we were focusing most of our commentary of Rush’s music, rather than Samurai Scrote. So, naturally, we obliged her challenge. As you well know, Anons should never challenge the regulars here at HCwDB. That thread became a catharsis for some of us mentally challenged helmet humpers.
Meanwhile, your epic poem was… well, epic. Mu’fuckin’ masterpiece. We need more of them. I’m glad you came back to the fold, as I’ve thoroughly enjoyed your rants. You may have been gone a long time, but the douchebags of the world haven’t put their shenanigans on hold for you.
Continue to unleash your rage mi amigo!
Samurai Scrote's thoughts are so pure and so transcendent that he can make his silvery Hott emit a golden halo.
# posted by : 10:45 PM
: 10:45 PM
@Samurai Scrote:
I take solace in knowing that Lamp loves my rectum.
That is something you will never have, bitch!
I take solace in knowing that Lamp loves my rectum.
That is something you will never have, bitch!
Samurai Scrote met Miss Anonymous over tea and crumpets and thanked her for naively starting his thread, to which she replied, "Any time you're in a Rush and need me to thread a needle, just ask and you can borrow my little threader here."
And the needling went on and on and never ended.
And the needling went on and on and never ended.
# posted by : 10:55 PM
: 10:55 PM
Samurai Scrote's sunglasses are made from the recycled glass from Auschwitz. His frames are carved from his father's wooden leg.
# posted by : 11:40 PM
: 11:40 PM
Samurai Scrote says sorry, but He is unable to complete your request.
When reporting this error to Blogger Support or on the Blogger Help Group, please:
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This information will help us to track down your specific problem and fix it! We apologize for the inconvenience.
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When reporting this error to Blogger Support or on the Blogger Help Group, please:
* Describe what you were doing when you got this error.
* Provide the following error code and additional information.
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blogID: 24430360
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This information will help us to track down your specific problem and fix it! We apologize for the inconvenience.
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Samurai Scrote is amused. He will now forcibly insert this trophy into his anus. Where he keeps all things scrote. Sans lube.
Samscro can turn the skin between his balloon knot and beanbag into a phallus. He has sex with it and calls it "Tainted Love".
I presume much but...
Croosh and Sam Scrote have had a symbiosis ever since the harsh but fair schoolings.
Croosh acts as a loyal scribe, chronicling any deed or biological development that may occur in SS's daily life.
Any other time CH will deliver a crippling smack down of things douchey, and make passionate promises of dastardly deeds for a chance to eBay the kernel of the garlic clove that gave bad breath to said hott's 2nd cousin.
Croosh and Sam Scrote have had a symbiosis ever since the harsh but fair schoolings.
Croosh acts as a loyal scribe, chronicling any deed or biological development that may occur in SS's daily life.
Any other time CH will deliver a crippling smack down of things douchey, and make passionate promises of dastardly deeds for a chance to eBay the kernel of the garlic clove that gave bad breath to said hott's 2nd cousin.
@CrucialHead said:
I take solace in knowing that Lamp loves my rectum.
That is something you will never have, bitch!
It is not Lamp loving your rectum and it is not your rectum that Lamp is loving.
Lamp is loving Samurai Scrote, and it is Samurai Scrote that your rectum embraces.
For the sake of queefs queefing queefy queefs, the alternate poo of Samurai Scrote enables all to see the true middle path to the hottie.
To get to the hottie one must go through me, for I am anti-Beauty, and my middle name is Togaririm - the maker of poo.
I take solace in knowing that Lamp loves my rectum.
That is something you will never have, bitch!
It is not Lamp loving your rectum and it is not your rectum that Lamp is loving.
Lamp is loving Samurai Scrote, and it is Samurai Scrote that your rectum embraces.
For the sake of queefs queefing queefy queefs, the alternate poo of Samurai Scrote enables all to see the true middle path to the hottie.
To get to the hottie one must go through me, for I am anti-Beauty, and my middle name is Togaririm - the maker of poo.
YOUA RE MY BITHC SAMURAI! COMELT CEL BLOCK D & # TJAK THAT FUCEN TARMAL AND WYOU::L GE TG PUKHNED INIOT MEAT!
#232@!
#232@!
Samurai Scrote sleaze
Blood type is KY Jelly
All hail Zen douche state
Friday haiku rocks
Samurai Scrote ooze on hott
Please poke out my eyes
Blood type is KY Jelly
All hail Zen douche state
Friday haiku rocks
Samurai Scrote ooze on hott
Please poke out my eyes
# posted by : 6:40 AM
: 6:40 AM
Samurai Scrote uses his mind powers to levitate pulsars and quasars above the threshold of infinite wisdom in the hypothalamus of the creator of instantaneous chaotic theromus balancing on the event horizon of a black hole spinning about the antenna of a ladybug drifting in the vortex of negative time-space.
In short, do not fuck with Samurai Scrote.
In short, do not fuck with Samurai Scrote.
Pfah went on a vision quest deep in the Okefenokee swamps of Florida to achieve Samurai Scrote consciousness...he hasn't been heard from since.
Samurai Scrote does not recognize the existence of Israel. Or Palestine. Or your face.
# posted by : 8:27 AM
: 8:27 AM
Samurai Scrote is the reason you must cleanse yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.
# posted by : 8:35 AM
: 8:35 AM
The Douchie Award is an exact replica of his dorsal fin. What, don't you have one?
At the risk of being punished by Samurai Scrote, I would mantain that his middle name is Wadsworth, and not Togaririm. Though both are fine, FINE names, Samurai Scrote Sir!
At the risk of being punished by Samurai Scrote, I would mantain that his middle name is Wadsworth, and not Togaririm. Though both are fine, FINE names, Samurai Scrote Sir!
Samurai Scrote extracts the molecular power from within the Douchie Award trophy and uses it to temporarily power a blackout of the Los Angeles Basin Grid.
@ Adolf 9:33
Uhhhh...which SS are you referring to? If you're talking about THAT one, I wanna be a BROWN shirt, tee hee!!!
Hey, you ok here in the armpit of America? Get any of this snow that blasted us over the last few days? That shit really picks up speed and power over the plains, dunnit?
Uhhhh...which SS are you referring to? If you're talking about THAT one, I wanna be a BROWN shirt, tee hee!!!
Hey, you ok here in the armpit of America? Get any of this snow that blasted us over the last few days? That shit really picks up speed and power over the plains, dunnit?
Samurai Scrote has already written the plot of humanity and inside he quietly laughs at the rest of us.
Samurai Scrote is quick to note
whoever most offends him,
Samurai Scrote is loath to quote
whatever prick up-ends him.
whoever most offends him,
Samurai Scrote is loath to quote
whatever prick up-ends him.
# posted by : 2:38 PM
: 2:38 PM
If only Samurai Scrote could cross the Sea of Japan, and link up with Douche Lee...he could induct Douche Lee into the Ancient Code of Douche-ido. One shudders to think of the colossal vortex of synergistic scrotosity and douchebaggery such an historic linking of douche forces might produce. And the hotts that would follow in the their wake.
# posted by : 1:27 AM
: 1:27 AM
it seems as if Blogger has successfully put an end to the epic that is the Samurai Scrote thread... RIP!
Samurai Scrote can fire a size large carrot out of his asshole at 7 mph, and it will travel 23 miles.
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