A worthy first Champion in the new year, Sir Sucks-a-Lot brings classic douche 'tude with a tasty blonde middriff cutie to counter-balance the taint. The voters spoke, and they spoke strongly against hawk+ tie:

Anonymous: As much as I truly want to lick every inch of sweet Anabelle and listen to her purr, the winner is Sir Sucks-a-Lot. It's such a disgusting combination of ridiculous hair, popped collar, stupid tie, obscene hand gesture, and a look that says, "I am poo."

Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer: I'm going with Sir Sucks-a-Lot. Anyone who willingly spends that much time grooming themselves, only to end up looking like a bloodied roadkill skunk, deserves the honorary title...........of poo.

Heather: Sir Sucks-a-lot. Hands down. That completely wasted look, sagging bottom lip, and tie that doesn't even go around the popped collar? Could you get more poo-nosity? Seriously, that tie is in every single '70s prom picture known to mankind. It isn't cool, Sucks, it is dook.

jonezy: Sir sucks-a-lot deserves a seat at the Round Table of Douche. He also deserves a dull 6th century Excalibur to the cranium.

Douche Tarlick: It's a no brainer, Sir Sucks wins. Jabba the Douche in #1 is nothing more then an obesebag which are now a dime a dozen. Heroin douche from #2 is another run of the mill bag which only leaves us #3. His uber-douche nature and upstanding fashion cannot be ignored.

Nicely done, people, and props for bringing the A-Game in hottie/douchey linguistic and semiotic deconstructions so soon after the New Year. Derrida would be proud. Coming in a strong second, Tiny Anabelle Gets Swamped:

grady bagmore: anabelle ftw. god save her

blair: I'd give Anabelle some swamp ass. Um, I don't know what that means. But I vote for Anabelle and the Swampies.

Archidouchies: I'm gonna go with Tiny Annabelle and He Just Eats Bitches Who Drink. One bag, two baglings, and one definite hott blows the other hotts away this week.

Anabelle was certainly delightful, but Pterodactyl 'Bag was just too bloated to truly threaten. Coming in a distant third was the PTP grease of Loop de Poop. But Sir Sucks dominated. As anonymous sums it up:

I defy you to look closely at Sir Sucks-a-Lot's face and then vote for someone else. Sucks FTW.

Sucks FTW indeed. A great debate and discussion in the comments threads, props to all. Give it up to Sir Sucks-a-Lot and Taylor Dayne Cute for the Weekly and the first slot in the first monthly of the first month of yo' momma.

Yikes. The coffee hasn't kicked in yet.