Thursday, January 08, 2009
Meditations on the Punch-Face
Once, when I was meditating on the boobie hottie suckle thigh in a daisy field in Uttar Pradesh, a young 'Bag Hunter approached me.
DB1, he asked cautiously, How will I know when the douche-face becomes the punch-face?
Aha, young beetle bug. I responded, laughing lightly and crumbling some pinched snuff in my hands as I squinted in the harsh Punjabi light.
You will know the punch-worthy doucheface by involuntary primal muscle spasm. And only then. Not before. And not after.
He looked confused.
So I reached into my satchel I'd been given on a Maori walkabout in '02, and handed him this pic.
The young 'bag hunter glanced down at the picture. Upon registering this tool's muggy visage, the young one sprang to his feet, twitched forward about twenty paces, then sucker-punched a nearby goat-herder named Umbete in the nads.
He had learned his lesson.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 1:06 PM 
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So are you implying that the term "Donkey punch" should have multiple meanings now? After reading about his arrest, scanning the HoS photos, etc., well, you know.....
He looks like he's squelching back a diarreah fart resulting from eating a 4 AM sausage sandwich from AM/PM.
I hope he fails on this quest.
I hope he fails on this quest.
I'm going to the hospital.
My fist is caught in the broken remains of a Sony Vaio screen.
I shall indeed meditate on the punch-face as I slip into Nirvana, brought into a trance by the searing pain in my arm and the slow induction of injectable narcotics administeerd to me by an overweight ER nurse named Lupe.
My fist is caught in the broken remains of a Sony Vaio screen.
I shall indeed meditate on the punch-face as I slip into Nirvana, brought into a trance by the searing pain in my arm and the slow induction of injectable narcotics administeerd to me by an overweight ER nurse named Lupe.
It's the douchebag grandkids of the cast of Hogan's Heroes.
That's Colonel Klink's with the anus mouth; the STD on the left is Helga's and the she male on the right is Major Hcohstetter. It's necklace is an old Iron Cross.
On the plus side, the three of them could goose step into a torrential downpour and not get their eyes wet.
How long before the douche crowd starts wearing D&G welder's masks?
That's Colonel Klink's with the anus mouth; the STD on the left is Helga's and the she male on the right is Major Hcohstetter. It's necklace is an old Iron Cross.
On the plus side, the three of them could goose step into a torrential downpour and not get their eyes wet.
How long before the douche crowd starts wearing D&G welder's masks?
i'd make that face too if, like him, i had a bowling pin permanently impacted in my rectum.
rectum?
hell, it killed 'em!
[*gratuitous rimshot*]
rectum?
hell, it killed 'em!
[*gratuitous rimshot*]
What is this, a Blue Blocker sales event? Trans gender swimsuit competition? Body hair elimination contest? Guess-the-testosterone-level game? Whack-a-Douche carny booth?
This kind of kissy face induces a special kind of twitch in me, wherein I feel compelled to grab said jizz waste by the ears and introduce him violently to my kneecap.
I can't wait to see this spoo mopper in 10 years when he's got 5 hairs on the top of his head, and they're all waxed standing straight up. Just start shaving it all now, tool. You can't possibly look worse bald.
This kind of kissy face induces a special kind of twitch in me, wherein I feel compelled to grab said jizz waste by the ears and introduce him violently to my kneecap.
I can't wait to see this spoo mopper in 10 years when he's got 5 hairs on the top of his head, and they're all waxed standing straight up. Just start shaving it all now, tool. You can't possibly look worse bald.
Hell if we didn't get three Weekly contenders in a day. With this asshat, Waffle House Willy, and Hello Kitty Gloves who's clearly a flippin' bear it's going to be an epic showdown of nauseating proportions.
Guess who stuck their thumb up Tommy's ass. That's what this picture says to me.
Guess who stuck their thumb up Tommy's ass. That's what this picture says to me.
Jesus H Abercrobie! Look at the traps on that broad! I've seen camels with less meat on their backs!
My theory is that some douches are genetically incapable of making a "kissy face," the way some people are incapable of winking and when they try they look like a spastic 'tard.
why r there so many people wearing sunglasses indoors at twilight? that's what i want to know. anybody?
that guy is only stage 1 douchebag. there is still a chance. and by chance i mean drop the kissy-face and come to bag queen, cutie. i will show you The Way.
that guy is only stage 1 douchebag. there is still a chance. and by chance i mean drop the kissy-face and come to bag queen, cutie. i will show you The Way.
# posted by 
: 2:14 PM
: 2:14 PM
You're simultaneously turned off and on by the hott on the right. She's causing you alarming gender preference confusion. Is it her masculine yet supple breast? Her broad shoulders? Was it the anal beads of Waffle House, followed by these muscular boobs...all draped in satiny silver and maple syrup. You dream her glutes are ripped, veritable weapons of cock-crushing force. Her back a Leonardo image of perfect musculature; you know you could fuck her erector spinae groove.
Then you think, this could be Nelson on a reunion tour and Gunnar has dyed his hair. And a quick glance at Punch-Face brings you back to yourself. Sure, you just busted a family portrait with your fist, but you know now that you were only reacting to an image. You aren't directly involved either physically or emotionally. You sigh a long stress relieving exhale.
And your eyes think they see nipple shadows through the smooth silver triangle and you see yourself splashing your fluids over her crustacean middle and...dammit...it is happening again.
I can't take it. I'll be in the Hall of Hott for a bit.
Then you think, this could be Nelson on a reunion tour and Gunnar has dyed his hair. And a quick glance at Punch-Face brings you back to yourself. Sure, you just busted a family portrait with your fist, but you know now that you were only reacting to an image. You aren't directly involved either physically or emotionally. You sigh a long stress relieving exhale.
And your eyes think they see nipple shadows through the smooth silver triangle and you see yourself splashing your fluids over her crustacean middle and...dammit...it is happening again.
I can't take it. I'll be in the Hall of Hott for a bit.
Not only is his mug-a-punched,
His moobies are a-crunch-a-lunched.
His lips might fool a baby-cryer
To think they are a pacifier.
The Hotts have straggly streaky hair,
And sil'vry tops they both do wear.
But what unites the three-in-one
Are sunglasses when THERE'S NO SUN-
His moobies are a-crunch-a-lunched.
His lips might fool a baby-cryer
To think they are a pacifier.
The Hotts have straggly streaky hair,
And sil'vry tops they both do wear.
But what unites the three-in-one
Are sunglasses when THERE'S NO SUN-
# posted by : 3:12 PM
: 3:12 PM
Punchy was very excited to take a picture with two PTP girls, showing off the latest protective eyewear, at the 2009 Machine Shop Expo.
Punch was the biggest tool there.
Ba-dum-dum.
(This post is in honor of my dad, who runs a tool-and-die shop. I'd like to think pa would happily put this guy's head in the nearest metal lathe while simultaneously arc-welding his arms to the bumpers of two trucks, about to drive off in opposite directions.)
Punch was the biggest tool there.
Ba-dum-dum.
(This post is in honor of my dad, who runs a tool-and-die shop. I'd like to think pa would happily put this guy's head in the nearest metal lathe while simultaneously arc-welding his arms to the bumpers of two trucks, about to drive off in opposite directions.)
ummmmmmm........ pretty sure this is grounds for dismissal since there are no Hottie suckle thighs in this pic... i left out "boobies" cuz it looks like theres a pair..... but....
check out the jaw lines!?!?! u gotta be kidding me.... those are dudes! this is a pic of all dudes!
check out the jaw lines!?!?! u gotta be kidding me.... those are dudes! this is a pic of all dudes!
# posted by : 4:27 PM
: 4:27 PM
Why are you doing this to us DB1?!!!
The "girl" on the right looks like Quasimodo's long lost sister. Those lumps on her back are insane.
Now the punch-faced douche in the middle needs to stick his head in a nearby clogged toilet and use his kissy lips for an honorable cause, as a plunger.
The "girl" on the right looks like Quasimodo's long lost sister. Those lumps on her back are insane.
Now the punch-faced douche in the middle needs to stick his head in a nearby clogged toilet and use his kissy lips for an honorable cause, as a plunger.
Yes, the hott on the right DOES make us explore the innermost depths of our repressed Id, does she not??
I don't know WTF you folks are talking about. Once you are done going mid-evil on Punchy Fuckface here, I'd gladly console both hotts **
** as long as Anon & Buffy are wrong about their questionable gender.
** as long as Anon & Buffy are wrong about their questionable gender.
i'm generally more reserved on my tranny alerts, because deep down i want to be optimistic on the hott side of the HCwDB. but i can't afford such optimision for this pic.
in related news, this pic also calls for a TPS (toppled polarity syndrome - refer to South Park) alert. someone clearly has their assholes where their mouth should be. not that it's unexpected of douchebags. it's just that it's surprising to see this manifested so physically like that.
in related news, this pic also calls for a TPS (toppled polarity syndrome - refer to South Park) alert. someone clearly has their assholes where their mouth should be. not that it's unexpected of douchebags. it's just that it's surprising to see this manifested so physically like that.
This DB is just too much, I wish that young bag hunter would've puched kissey here square in the jaw!
# posted by : 6:26 PM
: 6:26 PM
@ Anon 4:27
No sir, I must correct you. There are at least two women in this pic.
The one on the right was in an episode of Miami Ink (or L.A. Ink or fucking Budapest Ink, who can keep track?). She is definitely all woman - less than some men would like to try and more than some could handle. Riding the wild she-hemoth is no place for little boys and armchair skirt-chasers. It is the sport of kings.
And by "kings" I mean guys that have the Chyna issue of Playboy stashed in among their comicbook collections.
No sir, I must correct you. There are at least two women in this pic.
The one on the right was in an episode of Miami Ink (or L.A. Ink or fucking Budapest Ink, who can keep track?). She is definitely all woman - less than some men would like to try and more than some could handle. Riding the wild she-hemoth is no place for little boys and armchair skirt-chasers. It is the sport of kings.
And by "kings" I mean guys that have the Chyna issue of Playboy stashed in among their comicbook collections.
Big glasses cannot make you glamorous ladies. Unless you are the pucker-mouth in the middle. In which case you are getting ready to be shit on the face 2 girls one cup style and don't want the pink eye.
# posted by : 8:27 PM
: 8:27 PM
@BvG 7:02
You, good sir, have provided the justification for the my continuing faith in my heterosexuality AND added some machismo to it to boot. Thank you. I will sleep well tonight.
You, good sir, have provided the justification for the my continuing faith in my heterosexuality AND added some machismo to it to boot. Thank you. I will sleep well tonight.
Fuck life.
I started at "Crack Kills" and worked up.
Living in Japan (for 4 more days anyway) affords me the unique opportunity to see an entire day's wankery compressed into a few minutes.
By the time I arrived at this photo, I was already beleaguered and worn, tattered and weary from the onslaught of social, mental, and moral diarrheal discharges.
Now, at the end, were it not for my wife and kid I would be stealing an airplane and finding the nearest mountain. Can a Cessna reach mach?
Maybe it's just way past my dinner time, or I'm agitated to be returning to my homeland, the spawn of this vile flotsam of douche and hot... or maybe some nights you just blow a funny fuse, and instead of hilarity and superiority all you feel is emptiness and despair.
I have seen the rolling tundra of Hades tonight,
It is a hot chick with a douchebag.
I started at "Crack Kills" and worked up.
Living in Japan (for 4 more days anyway) affords me the unique opportunity to see an entire day's wankery compressed into a few minutes.
By the time I arrived at this photo, I was already beleaguered and worn, tattered and weary from the onslaught of social, mental, and moral diarrheal discharges.
Now, at the end, were it not for my wife and kid I would be stealing an airplane and finding the nearest mountain. Can a Cessna reach mach?
Maybe it's just way past my dinner time, or I'm agitated to be returning to my homeland, the spawn of this vile flotsam of douche and hot... or maybe some nights you just blow a funny fuse, and instead of hilarity and superiority all you feel is emptiness and despair.
I have seen the rolling tundra of Hades tonight,
It is a hot chick with a douchebag.
Not to split hairs, but isn't the walkabout strictly an Australian aboriginal tradition?
Who cares. I'll forego water and rations to go on walkabout in golf spikes on this twat's face.
Fuck Fung.
Who cares. I'll forego water and rations to go on walkabout in golf spikes on this twat's face.
Fuck Fung.
# posted by : 3:44 AM
: 3:44 AM
Douche Vader said...
Look at the traps on that broad!
Can you imagine the head that she gives? It's like sticking your dick in a steam piston.
As for the 'bag, based on the shape of that kisser, he obviously used to be a harlequin baby. So it's rude to make fun of him.
Look at the traps on that broad!
Can you imagine the head that she gives? It's like sticking your dick in a steam piston.
As for the 'bag, based on the shape of that kisser, he obviously used to be a harlequin baby. So it's rude to make fun of him.
Where's Uttar Pradesh?? I wanna go there DB1.. can we all go on a 'Bag hunting excursion??? would b phun!!
@ Pencil doucher 4:49
HOLY CRAP!! I had seen that video on youtube of the "Demon Baby" in India. I thought it was a hoax or something. It's a legit condition and they have a name for it and everything, yikes! Poor lil' abominations. But yay for using their suffering to mock douchebags! Their sad, short, painful lives were not lived in vain....
HOLY CRAP!! I had seen that video on youtube of the "Demon Baby" in India. I thought it was a hoax or something. It's a legit condition and they have a name for it and everything, yikes! Poor lil' abominations. But yay for using their suffering to mock douchebags! Their sad, short, painful lives were not lived in vain....
This scrote deserves more than a punch in the face. This little piece of poo deserves a private session with me beating him over the head with my pitching wedge for a half friggin' hour!
# posted by : 10:52 AM
: 10:52 AM
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# posted by : 6:14 PM
: 6:14 PM << Home
