Ye gods. I'm going back to bed.
 

I'm still upset Four Points is in the Hall of Hott. Just saying.
 

It's a douche ferry


and is that a relative of wheatstalks behind blonde hott?
 

I'd like to drop him ass first on that space needle
 

you know this fairy gags everytime he takes a puff of his cee-gar, but wants so bad to be a big boy so he fights through it
 

the things i'd do to her
 

Poo Jay's dad called


he wants his sperm back!
 

It's the CN tower, not the space needle. However, geography doesn't change the fact that dude is still a d to the ouche.
 

That's Toronto and he's in front of the CN Tower...still a smelly pile of douche though.
 

I bet that dood's cigar breath reeks like a rancid ass.
 

So he's a Canadian douchebag instead of a US Pacific Northwest douchebag ... I wonder which is worse. Or if there's any difference whatsoever.
 

there are no canadian douchebags--that guy must be a tourist.
 

I don't know... Doesn't have the douche face... Is he a REAL douche?
 

Jesus... that's way too close to home for my liking.

I could have had a close encounter of the "turd" kind without even knowing it.

**checks self for signs of bleeth**
 

So did he score a MILF? She looks like a "Wives of Somewhere" botoxin' bitch. And yes, there's not much difference between the American Pacific Northwest and Moose and Round Bacon Land.
 

Poo Jay can count on one hand the amount of times he's had an intelligent thought
 

Call me crazy, but I do believe Poo Jay here is throwing a double shocker while holding a cigar. That's an advanced move.

The judge from New Jersey just gave him a 10.
 

Wanda, here, is utterly delicious... Poo Jay & his pal behind him buy their shirts in bulk. one ill fitting size fits all
 

This is the Lake Scrotario Douche Ferry (thanks, douchacadabra 9:09 a.m.), and on board is indeed Wheatstalks' nephew (thanks again, D.C.), obviously shortly after the doucheseed planting.

Anyway, the ferry runs along the coast of the lake between various ports at or near Scrotechester and Bottled Watertown, NY on the US side, and King Douchouston, ON; St. Catharines, ON; HamMILFton, ON (the hotts' rendezvous point); Missing Sausage, ON (where most of the choadwanks of Ontario live); and Toronchoad, ON on the Canadian side. Sometimes there's an extra leg of the trip down the Nibagara River to the Falls depending on weather and demand.

After the trip, there's a club somewhere near Donge and Bloorf in Toronchoad that holds an "after party" for the ferry riders who happen to be staying in the city. Popped collars get you in without the cover charge. Don't think Poo Jay and his fratbag broheims don't know about that stuff.
 

HaMILFton*

Sorry.....
 

wait til Troy Tempest comes online, people. he LIVES and (possibly) TEACHES in Toronto!

and i'm getting the same MILFy vibe as Moose Spotter there. i was gonna write up this long post about how Poo Jay is 10+ years younger than his lady, how she told Poo Jay to wear oversize tinted sunglasses because she said it's "trendy," and how he's basically her cabana boy. but i've already used the cabana boy line before. urgh.

so uh, the blondie in the yellow dress at the back. she and the MILFy lady Poo are an ample indication that whatever vessel they're sailing on are full of douchebags and trophy ladies. but then this might also mean that there's a high likelihood that Poo Jay is just a tourist, and not a Toronto native. the city just attracts douchebags, which is... just as bad. okay never mind.
 

wow Wheezer you know too much about Canada. cool off before you're infected by the hoser douche, EH?

(i think that was the first time i've ever used "eh" in a post)
 

Steve, I have a friend who does a radio show at Queens U's CFRC station on Saturday nights.

I wonder if that's where Troy teaches? Small world, if so.
 

Oh, you said Toronto - I guess not.
 

Who needs nipples when you have cigar burn scabs?
 

Hmm, DB1, this looks like a summer shot, and so, why not post a winter shot in winter clothes? Snowbunny hotts can be really cute, and the douchey guys dress douche any time of year.

A little poo-jaybird told me so.
 

DB1 called him a "toronto poo jay" so i figure he knew it was in front of the CN tower, he just had a brain fart.

@ anon 10:23: there are definitely canadian douchebags, i know several.
 

You can see from her botox-smooth face and tight grimace of a smile that she's one of those keyed-up-poodle types that thinks sex is "kind of icky" because it messes up the 1000-count bedsheets and Poo Jay's little weiner drips man juice on his way to the bathroom, which she then has to scrub scrub scrub scrub from the carpet using a toothbrush and the industrial-sized bottle of Resolve. She spends her days shopping for curtains that coordinate with the china, and if Mikasa doesn't have the stoneware in just the right pattern, she totally loses her shit, screams at a stock boy, and ends up in tears in the parking lot, hyperventilating behind the wheel of her cross-over SUV, downing Klonopin until she stops shaking.

This economic downturn will NOT be good for her mental health. And Poo Jay's career prospects once he gets cut from whatever low-level finance job he has--if he hasn't been axed already--will not help.
 

@Mr. White -

I have to then wonder how long she tolerated the cigar stink. After the flash, I'm sure Poo Jay got "the look" and had no idea why. He knows she likes the shocker - Poo Jay's bouncer buddy Velton told him so.
 

@Mr. White

Comment of the day. Well said.
 

Her and him? Yea, that makes sense....
 

@Wheezer 11:07: Well said, though I believe you will find it is pronounced "Taint" Catharines.
 

And a shirt that's 3 sizes too big.
 

"...then Alice stepped through the looking glass, expecting to find Wonderland, but instead discovered that she was 35 and married to the Cheshire Choad. They lived douchily ever after. THE END."
 

In Toronto, they call it the CH Tower but in the rest of Canada, it's the "Toronto Space Needle". It's called the Toronto Space Needle so as to differentiate it with the Seattle Space Needle and the one in Calgary and the small one in Vancouver.
In any case, I wonder how much douche-ass spent on the cigar.
 

@ SkyPork and Moose Spotter

I beg to differ. I think there is significant difference between the 'bags of Canada and those of the Pacific NorthWest.

A PNW 'Bag would never cover up his tattoo sleeves with a collared shirt, has no reason to even own sunglasses, and depending on which side of the river he lives on, would be too drunk on either PBR or microbrews to hold a lit cigar and maintain the Shocker at the same time.
 

I'm cooking dinner right now.

I'll get back to this platter of poo poo laterer - when I'm drunk and angry.
 

What a douche-waffle....Nothing turns a girl on more than making her brand new "White House-Black Market" sundress and her chest smell like yesterdays chewing tobacco. Poor Poo Jay probably can't figure out why he only gets a passing kiss on the cheek now that his mouth smells like an old ashtray....and by the way, she wants her sunglasses back.
 

I sincerely think this guy should have a shot in the Weekly.

The circumstances surrounding the convalescence of the various elements in this photo are surely one-in-a-million.

The Douchey Shades. The Douchey Clothes. The Douchey Hair/Facial Hair Combo. The Very Hot Chick. The Boat Cruise. The CN Tower. The Cigar. The Shocker.

So fucking retarded, all of it.

This is a wonderful example of Gestalt.
 

She is definitely high maintenance WASP princess. He is definitely parts store trailer gimp. How they came to be together is a love story for the ages.
 

Why am I wondering what his belt buckle is? I don't know. Something is almost pathetic about this douche. I almost feel bad for him. I think that's a first. His douchewhore is not ringing my bell either. I think the comments about her have been pretty much spot on.
 

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Nick and Janet are from Livonia, a suburb of Detroit, in Michigan, te state shaped like a mitt. He works as an assistant dispatcher at a trucking farm in Detroit, and she's the maitre d' at the Houlihans off I-96 in Dearborn. She told her husband, Tony, that she was going to attend a special week long management seminar in Toronto, so she could more easily claw her way up to manager...

tony, being the pencil dicked shlub that he is, said "Have a good time!" as she drove off. He noticed that she took the wrong turn to go to the highway, but figured "Oh, she's probably going to the mall to pick up some munchies for the drive."

Actually she was on her way to Nick's place to pick him up for their scandalous SCANDALOUS week in Toronto.

Being arrogant American dickwads, they of course have to do all the tyouristy things like take the ferry, and go up the CN tower and hang out at the "ex" and go on some rides and drink some decent beer, (unlike the 3.2% pee they serve in the States) and then cop some tickets to watch the Blue Jays get crushed by the visiting team du jour, and every night he sprays his spooge on her - Monday it was her face, Tuesday it was her boobs, Wednesday it was her lower back, and he continues to mark her like some stupid dog marks a fire hydrant, because to him everything is about him and everything revolves around him and he digs visiting Canada because they don't give a shit about the right wing cuban dickweeds in Miami, so in Toronto he gets to drink CUBAN rum and smoke CUBAN cigars and damn he's having a blast with his hot little honey. And she wanted just one picture - a secret memento, a sub rosa talisman of her week with Nick, her own boytoy.

but look at this picture, look into her eyes, gaze into her soul and you will see fear... FEAR that if this is ever published her husband will see her with Nick, FEAR that her husband will put two and two together and dump her sorry slutty ass, FEAR that she will have gambled and lost everything for a week of Nicky's meat sword... and her fear is carefully drawn behind her plastic smile and her plastic paint and her plastic dress and her plastic blast shades...

She doesn't care about Nick. she cares about hurting tony for being the big stupid oaf that he is. She married tony because he was dumb and easy to control, predictable and from a richer family than her own. but she realises that was a tragic error and she is now in a boring marriage to a dopey palooka who's idea of fun is a six of Bud Lite and a basketball game on the plasma screen.

Nick is fun, nick is danger, nick is excitement.

Nick is a douchebag, and when she figures out that living with Tony's a waste of time and having Nick bathe her in spooge every other day is not a stepping stone out of Livonia, she will lament her life, and she will be 40 and childless and wondering what happened, and why did she sacrifice her future, and why wasn't everything as daddy promised his little angel and why are things beyond her control her control her control and what is wrong with all this, and why doesn't it make any sense, and she cried, and remembered an old song by a band from Livonia called His Name Is Alive and the shattered woman's voice sang

I dreamed that one had died
in a strange place
they had nailed the boards
over your face
you are underground
you are under boards

i bid to you anonymously
she never had to sleep again
dreams kept awake she could never allow
i don't like this at all
i coudn't seem to speak

cut...bleeding...and sad
when you dream of things you don't understand
you can't live here
you can't live here...

and she remembers that week in Toronto that ruined her life that drove Tony away and she blamed her sadness on the insights of a mad puppet looking into her life and destroying all that mattered, and you can see all of this in her eyes, the fleeting sadness of her eyes hidden by a smile on the ferry, hidden in the summer of her lust.
 

This douche is so chivalrous he even carries her dildo for her. But he loses points for setting it on fire.
 

bravo, Troy. i knew you wouldn't fail the bag hunters of Canada.
 

Indeed Troy, that was Tres Miserables!
 

I'd give a nickel to see him put that stoogie out on her teat
 

@ anon 10:23,

no canadian bags? what about nickelback?
 

@ Troy Tempest,

I-96 doesn't run through Dearborn, I know, I live there. You must mean I-94. An interesting note about Dearborn is its high population of Lebanese-Americans, all of whom under the age of 35 are essentially hottie-douchebag couplings. This isn't being racist either, come down and visit if you don't believe me.
 

Douche Springsteen-

Yup - you're right - my bad - a typo. The highway system in Michigan is the most confusing piece of crap I've ever dealt with. I've driven through Dearborn many times. While smaller, what is even more fucked up is Lansing, where 69 and 96. Awful.

I had to stay in Lansing for a weekend once, and just finding the damn hotel was impossible.

You drive south (which is west) on 69 to come to south (which is east) 96, and then go looking for a specific exit, like exit 93B.

So, you mosey on down 69 past exit 84, and then suddenly 96 merges with 69 (!?!?!) and the next exit is #90, and the numbers start increasing... this is confusing so while you have your naggigator check the maps you STAY on route 69 (for obvious reasons because that's the route you came in on, and suddenly you're at exit 72. (!?!?!?!?)

Yes, What. The. Fuck.

So, thinking you've made the wrong turn you turn around and head south (which is East) on 96, and suddenly, you're at exit 98 on 96 instead of 93 on 69. And the next thing you know, you're suddenly going east on 96, but need to go west (which is north) on 69.

FUCK!!!!!

Aaaah, Michigan...

The worst of all possible worlds.

An economy that makes Kazakhstan look prosperpous, all the weather of Siberia, and a highway system that makes Los Angeles look like Mayberry.

And you are correct: The douchebag/hottie ratio in Dearborn is extremely high, as is the level of mental retardation. I remember trying to find a place for dinner that wasn't some kind of a chain restaurant that wasn't frightening. NOTHING within walking distance of the hotel, in fact, there was nothing worth walking to from the hotel other than a mall and other hotels. We ended up totally lost and ate at a TGI Friday's, which inspired me to write Houlihan's because it's marginally classier than TGIF's. I have no idea if there is a Houlihan's in Dearborn - they're pretty much everywhere, so I would assume so.

So, we were at this TGIF and were sitting their waiting for our deep fried carbohydrates to arrive when a pack of douchebags with attendant hotties wandered in.

Holy fuck, it was greaseball central. They were loud, stupid and lacking any of the simplest social graces. All of them. The men all had their hair standing up. It was past sunset and entering the gloaming, but half of them had sunglasses on. The women were slender and snapping gum like machine guns and giggled with loud crass nasal voices. The men barked at each other making sounds that all resembled "DUuuUUuuUuhhh Hur hur DuuuUUuuhh."

The bling. The grease. It was awful. I wanted to yell at them "READ A BOOK FOR CHRISSAKES, YOU MORONS!!!" But it wouldn't matter...

We just gritted our teeth and dealt with it.

If these poo brained dorks are the future of America, you people are FUCKED.
 

Why didn't some old lady standing nearby just walk up and slap the living shit out of this bag? If I had seen this near me I would have laughed first, and then flicked his cigar away. Poser fuck. God, I need more coffee today if I'm going to get all my party food made!
 

!@ TROY
I HEAR YOU FMAN~ ID EAT MY OWN FUCNE SPLEEN ISNTEWAD OF GOIN TOT TGFI!

IW OUDL LET THIS WHOAR INT EH PIC CECORATE MY APARMTNE! FLYTEHETH COULD LOSOSEN HER PU!
 

@Flyteeth-

Yeah - TGIF's is awful. Just the stench of the grease is enough to induce nausea at 40 paces.

And for being such an obvious trainwreck of ultra-high maintenance, she is a fine specimen, no?
 

Maverick called. He wants the visor to his helmet back.

He also says he wishes it was you and not Goose spear tackling the inside of the canopy that day.

I agree.
 

@ Troy,

Wow you know the state like one of its native sons. I also lived in Lansing for a bit, and yes, the highway system there is much, much worse. The next time you have the (mis)fortune to be in Dearborn, there are many excellent middle eastern restaurants on the east side of town where most white people are afraid to go as they are convinced there are Al-Qaeda terrorist ops going on when they see 4 or more people with brown skin in the same place. There are also gorgeous women who are like living, breathing versions of Princess Jasmine from the Aladdin cartoon but its best to employ a "look, don't touch" policy as any flirting may result in a swift and terrible retribution from a dozen of her closest cousins.
 

@Troy,

oh, and surprisingly enough, there is not a Houlihan's in Dearborn, nor is there a Hooters.
 

Steelers World Champions!
 

Poo Jay indeed, but it's the CN Tower. The Space Needle is in Seattle.

You're still cool though, DB1. Ubercool.

Peace out from the TO.
 

Nice pair of Brown Blockers, mr. poo!
 

god bless mr. white and troy, those posts made jo-ing to her much better
 

Some misguided soul scribbled:

"In Toronto, they call it the CH Tower but in the rest of Canada, it's the 'Toronto Space Needle'."
----------------

Huh? *Everyone* in Canada knows it's the CN Tower. Not the "CH Tower" and never the "Toronto Space Needle". What was in the needle you jabbed into the last remaining vein between your toes when you wrote that?

The CN Tower actually quite a cool thing and was, until the new Dubai tower passed it last year, the tallest freestanding building in the world. It's just so damned unfortunate that it's in the Centre of the Universe.

For the non-Canadians in the crowd, that's what everyone in Canada calls Toronto. Those in Toronto say it because they actually think it's true. The rest of us say it sarcastically, which is totally lost on Torontonians.

Anyway...

The sleeves on his shirt look a bit long. Maybe he swiped it from a knuckle-dragger.

Someone suggested this pic was taken on a ferry, but I think it might be one of the boats that does dinner cruises around the Toronto Islands. Of course, they only go past the (legal) nude beach at Hanlan's Point after dark. Bastards.

Trivia: The nude beach is the former location of a baseball stadium in which Babe Ruth hit his first home run as a pro. He was still a minor-leaguer at the time, but that's where he got his first dinger after becoming a pro when his team visited Toronto. There's a plaque on the nude beach commemorating it.

And to further entice my American friends to come up here sometime... in Ontario, topless is legal. Anywhere a guy can take off his shirt, so can a woman.

Granted, it mostly happens in backyards and on beaches and certainly not all women do it (thank god), but it is perfectly legal for a woman to walk down main street topless. Yes, and I've seen it done, too.

The law says that it can't be an "overt sexual display", which means strip clubs can't have some of the dancers outside topless to wave at passing cars. The girls in the sorority house around the corner from me sometimes sunbathe topless on their front lawn. Last spring, two hots rollerbladed topless along my street.

Who gives a shit about being able to own a gun? We got boobies, eh?

And so what if you think it's cold here? What's wrong with perky?
 

Anonymous said...

Some misguided soul scribbled:

"In Toronto, they call it the CH Tower but in the rest of Canada, it's the 'Toronto Space Needle'."
----------------

Huh? *Everyone* in Canada knows it's the CN Tower. Not the "CH Tower" and never the "Toronto Space Needle".
--------------


And some other misguided soul didn't realize the H and N keys are close together, so the "CH" was probably just a typo.

I'd like the nude beach, however. And I think I'm going to pass by that sorority. Tu Harda Nippa, right?
 

Wheezer & Troy Tempest, you are my new heroes on this site. Southern Ontario is my original stomping grounds and I can confirm that Mississauga generally, and Front Street in Toronto in particular, are prime douchebag zones. Avoid them at all costs.
 

Good stuff from Anon@4:33 too.
 

I think she submitted this pic herself so her bf who dumped her can see her posted on this site as a "hot chick" and her guy friend a douche bag....desperate move...nice friend she is to throw her friend under the bus for some attention...I think that makes her the douche bag doesn't it???
 

if I had a frying pan, it would be upside this doochs head. cheese ball mcgruff