Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Crosshair McJohnson
Now I know what you're thinking, watching Crosshair McJohnson molest a Paid-to-Pose Chiquita Hott.
"Lip gloss? Makeup? Frosted tips? No way is Crosshair straight. Another Gaybag."
Wrong again, Grasshopper. What so many dismiss as the province of flamboyant gayness on this site is, indeed, neither gay nor gaybaggery. This is the extent of douchal masquerade in the age of spectacle. Doucherosexuals inverting the normative gender structures as a means of getting ass pear.
Still don't believe Crosshair doesn't bat for the home team?
Crosshair McJohnson proves his heterosexual bonafides.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 5:42 PM 
Comments:
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Holy mother of god I did not need to see that second photo.
Is that by any chance a gold bikini à la
Princess Leia?
No? Just copper? Close enough.
Is that by any chance a gold bikini à la
Princess Leia?
No? Just copper? Close enough.
How on earth is the first photo the main picture and the second a mere link? DB1, you are depriving those who aren't detail oriented enough to make that extra click!
# posted by 
: 6:04 PM
: 6:04 PM
@Idaho
I'm glad I'm not the only one who though Leia when they saw this.
I like the second photo though, shows off his kick-ass tattoo better. Plus, his facial expression is much easier to mock. The first one doesn't give me much to work with.
Maybe something along the lines of "Crosshair and his hott painstakingly try to figure out the correct form of 'the Shocker'."
I'm glad I'm not the only one who though Leia when they saw this.
I like the second photo though, shows off his kick-ass tattoo better. Plus, his facial expression is much easier to mock. The first one doesn't give me much to work with.
Maybe something along the lines of "Crosshair and his hott painstakingly try to figure out the correct form of 'the Shocker'."
The second pic is the payoff, but you're right, in the Weekly, I may use the second pic, as it's uberhottiedouchey.
- management
- management
@Shamespear the Magnificent
I was going to go there with the whole Bobutt Fettish shows Princess Leia the proper 'Wookie Tickler Fisting' move, but opted for a more obscure Nintendo reference instead. Meh.
I was going to go there with the whole Bobutt Fettish shows Princess Leia the proper 'Wookie Tickler Fisting' move, but opted for a more obscure Nintendo reference instead. Meh.
So anyone else notice the giant skull on his shirt? No? Just the princess Leia hott. Alright.
Damn look at that 2nd pic though. I'm glad Db1 didn't use that as the primary. Allowed him to school the children about proper gaydar usage.
Damn look at that 2nd pic though. I'm glad Db1 didn't use that as the primary. Allowed him to school the children about proper gaydar usage.
It's the same hott in both pics. (check the mole above her lip). So I'm not sure if she's a paid to pose model, or crosshair mcgayness's beard.
Crosshair probably uses her to attract guys to him. "Hey dude, she's really into three ways. Yeah, you and me will do each other while she watches."
Either way, she's smokin hot.
Crosshair probably uses her to attract guys to him. "Hey dude, she's really into three ways. Yeah, you and me will do each other while she watches."
Either way, she's smokin hot.
# posted by : 6:40 PM
: 6:40 PM
bwoooiiiing!
that second picture just gave me an IHB.
that's right people. an Inappropriate House Boner (IHB).
that second picture just gave me an IHB.
that's right people. an Inappropriate House Boner (IHB).
@Jean Claude Van Douche
See, now I'm sitting here wondering how one would do a Wookie Tickler Fisting. I'm thinking wayyyy too much about it. Like I'm kinda creeping myself out. Just the thought of a furry-man-beast clawed fist pummeling...I should stop.
See, now I'm sitting here wondering how one would do a Wookie Tickler Fisting. I'm thinking wayyyy too much about it. Like I'm kinda creeping myself out. Just the thought of a furry-man-beast clawed fist pummeling...I should stop.
That second pic puts this guy just a bottle of red dye and a Juarez facelift away from Carrot Top. Wildcat Hott is cooing "pull my hair when you cornhole me," and I'm reaching for the sock...
I'd like to Itsy Bitsy my Teenie Weenie all in her Bikini.
(Actually, I'm average. About 4 inches. That's average right?)
(Actually, I'm average. About 4 inches. That's average right?)
# posted by : 6:57 PM
: 6:57 PM
@Shamespear the Magnificent
And now I'm wondering, thanks to the parade of scrote, what a Wookie would look like with its balls shaved.
I'm guessing something like a pterodactyl nest.
And now I'm wondering, thanks to the parade of scrote, what a Wookie would look like with its balls shaved.
I'm guessing something like a pterodactyl nest.
Man, these two are the clumsiest veggie choppers in Las Vegas. I don't see how they keep their jobs with so many missing fingers.
amazing.
I lived in SF for 15 years and I learned a looooong time ago, gay is as gay does. Christ on a bike, the MAYOR is like the posterchild for Metrosexual. Here he is with his hottie wife Jennifer Siebel. Fuck - he's got more grease in his hair than in all the ball joints of a Peterbilt.
Of course all those businesses behind him are gone - gentrified out of existence...
So, appearances have VERY little to do with actual sexual preference. I've met plenty of people who were total "pooftas" and were NOT gay. At all. And I've met people who had the entire "Normal Guy" look and were as queer as Noel Coward.
As a cosequence, it kind of peeves me when people say "Oh, he looks queer". Yeah. right. Like your average gay man "looks queer".
amazing.
I lived in SF for 15 years and I learned a looooong time ago, gay is as gay does. Christ on a bike, the MAYOR is like the posterchild for Metrosexual. Here he is with his hottie wife Jennifer Siebel. Fuck - he's got more grease in his hair than in all the ball joints of a Peterbilt.
Of course all those businesses behind him are gone - gentrified out of existence...
So, appearances have VERY little to do with actual sexual preference. I've met plenty of people who were total "pooftas" and were NOT gay. At all. And I've met people who had the entire "Normal Guy" look and were as queer as Noel Coward.
As a cosequence, it kind of peeves me when people say "Oh, he looks queer". Yeah. right. Like your average gay man "looks queer".
Speaking of gaybags, the mormon guy on MTV's real world brooklyn is a perfect example. He needs to come out of the closet NOW, damnit!!! Someone please find a pic and send it to DB1 so he can post it along with some clever ramblings for all to see, read and mock. Who knows, that piece of shit might actually visit HCwDB already.
# posted by : 7:03 PM
: 7:03 PM
@Douchebag1
Really? Is that where you'd rancor?
@Captain Bringdown
Maybe their women get Tattooine waxes.
Really? Is that where you'd rancor?
@Captain Bringdown
Maybe their women get Tattooine waxes.
I've never seen a more wretched hive of scum and filth....said the gerbil that rode the ping pong ball as it shot forth from McJohnson's rectum.
I'd like to impregnate her like the rebels did the death star and then tell her these aren't the droids she is looking for when she comes to me for money like Jabba the Hutt to Han Solo.
Oh. I just made myself sad.
Oh. I just made myself sad.
I'd show her how much of a nerf herder McJohnson is by bullseyeing womp rats. You know they're not much bigger than two meters.
The unspeakable acts performed on her body would get me sent to the spice mines of Kessel.
I have got to stop doing Star Wars jokes. Theres just so many...
I have got to stop doing Star Wars jokes. Theres just so many...
Brilliant commentary DB1.
"Doucherosexuals inverting the normative gender structures as a means of getting ass pear."
They do indeed.
"Doucherosexuals inverting the normative gender structures as a means of getting ass pear."
They do indeed.
# posted by : 7:28 PM
: 7:28 PM
Anal-kin Skywalker poses with Princess Leia Orgasma, hoping no one will realize he’ll be going Han Solo on his own Wookie because Crucial Head already stuck his light saber in her Darth Maul.
If this guy is a Star Wars character he is definitely the little known character...........
Darth Tyranus.
Darth Tyranus.
I almost call nottabag since he's wearing a shirt with my favorite character of all time and foreverest: Darth Nihilus.
i don't think the second pic proves he isn't gay...not a face i would make with a hot like that around...
# posted by : 7:55 PM
: 7:55 PM
That girl is holding up two fingers.
Two guys in the background are drinking Miller Lites.
The force is strong with her.
Two guys in the background are drinking Miller Lites.
The force is strong with her.
# posted by : 8:23 PM
: 8:23 PM
Yes, while I was hot for Chocolate Luv and the Arafat Scarf cracks me up, the tranny potential was too high to leave that pic up.
Two is the number of my balls I would dangle over a pit of ferocious piranhas just for the chance to iron her sweet grandma's unmentionables.
I would R2DP her with my schwanz and a Chiquita banana;
-and then pee in her butt.
-and then pee in her butt.
# posted by : 8:32 PM
: 8:32 PM
Any girl who looks like the bastard child of Natalie Portman and Rachel Weisz needs a thorough spanking;
-while being massaged with whipped kobe beef tallow, by the sunset at the bar in Ha Long bay, as a platoon of 8 retarded smurfs lick her toes clean.
-while being massaged with whipped kobe beef tallow, by the sunset at the bar in Ha Long bay, as a platoon of 8 retarded smurfs lick her toes clean.
# posted by : 8:37 PM
: 8:37 PM
I'd make her Kessel run in 12 parsecs...and by "run" I mean "down her leg", and by "parsecs" I mean "buttsecs".
Trey @6:57, none of us wants to know how long your pecker is. Keep it to yourself.
However, we do comment on douchebags and hot chicks pictured here, especially the size of implants, or rather the fakes vs reals.
However, we do comment on douchebags and hot chicks pictured here, especially the size of implants, or rather the fakes vs reals.
# posted by : 9:01 PM
: 9:01 PM
I'd like to shut down all the trash compactors on her detention level. Wait...that one made no sense.
Yeah, I'd like to Episode IV her threepio. I... guys? Hello? Guys?
(sound of tumbleweeds blowing across ghost town)
See? This is what happens when I say to myself, "Well, one more check of HCwDB's before I call it a night."
(sound of tumbleweeds blowing across ghost town)
See? This is what happens when I say to myself, "Well, one more check of HCwDB's before I call it a night."
I'd like to Lando on her Calrissian.
You can Count on me leaving a Dooku on her chest.
You can Count on me leaving a Dooku on her chest.
# posted by : 9:32 PM
: 9:32 PM
He has a David Hasselhoff quality about him, while throwing the sign of the two-peckered billygoat... but I am sure the eyeliner is, well, is douchey in the "extrematis crevatis exclamatis."
I'm feeling it in my epiglottis.
Without the BayWatch or the drunken hamburger-eat-out-on-the-floor, I might add with further measure, he instead lets the shirt be the focus, and not his past disgusting behaviors... although wearing such a shirt is a form of "behavior."
She shows us the leg-spread signal with total aplomb, and no seawater or sunlight to inspire wearing such a minimal outfit...Just the idea of some horizontal intent following the vertical expression here.
The artist in me loves how her white eyelid highlight picks up the white in his shirt and watch rim, and the way the camera highlights her hand, wrist and the front of her neck. That's a nice torso and high-thigh, and a delicate arm, but what a pout-face she has. What a paid-to-poser. Without a smile, she must be sensing POO.
I'm feeling it in my epiglottis.
Without the BayWatch or the drunken hamburger-eat-out-on-the-floor, I might add with further measure, he instead lets the shirt be the focus, and not his past disgusting behaviors... although wearing such a shirt is a form of "behavior."
She shows us the leg-spread signal with total aplomb, and no seawater or sunlight to inspire wearing such a minimal outfit...Just the idea of some horizontal intent following the vertical expression here.
The artist in me loves how her white eyelid highlight picks up the white in his shirt and watch rim, and the way the camera highlights her hand, wrist and the front of her neck. That's a nice torso and high-thigh, and a delicate arm, but what a pout-face she has. What a paid-to-poser. Without a smile, she must be sensing POO.
# posted by : 9:36 PM
: 9:36 PM
@RGB,
Do you think there's a market for R2D2 butt plugs? When I read your comment, that's the 1st thing that came to mind after reading the 1st 6 words. Which is kinda worrying me.
Do you think there's a market for R2D2 butt plugs? When I read your comment, that's the 1st thing that came to mind after reading the 1st 6 words. Which is kinda worrying me.
Into the garbage chute douchebag! And by garbage chute I mean of course the love tunnel sewage factory next to Princess Laidya's Darth Maul.
@Arch
HA!
I think you can make anything into a butt plug and it would sell.
I bet you could make a little Fung head into a butt plug and it would top the charts
HA!
I think you can make anything into a butt plug and it would sell.
I bet you could make a little Fung head into a butt plug and it would top the charts
@ Troy Tempest 7:02
Newsom's first wife was delicious former prosecutor Kimberly Guilfoyle , now a Fox News Network legal analyst.
Fox News Network has the best looking wimmin's I tell ya ...
Newsom's first wife was delicious former prosecutor Kimberly Guilfoyle , now a Fox News Network legal analyst.
Fox News Network has the best looking wimmin's I tell ya ...
i heard on the radio today an ad from a local strip joint.
"look for Cecil to come to a construction site near you!"
fucking shit i thought that tripe only happens in developing countries.
and this pic made me think, strippers at construction sites would probably look like this bitch. man.
and Crosshair would be the DJ.
"look for Cecil to come to a construction site near you!"
fucking shit i thought that tripe only happens in developing countries.
and this pic made me think, strippers at construction sites would probably look like this bitch. man.
and Crosshair would be the DJ.
I bet if you made a whole series of star wars butt plugs, all the fanatics would soon be walking funny
Wow. Lotta Star Wars refs here, grasshoppers. Wondering. Is this a whole basement full of palsied geeks jerking their fingerling cockettes over pics of suckle hottie tit boobs when they show up on basement monitors?
Hot boobie slut can only lead to disappointment. She has iQ of Kleenex but not so useful. You can blow in Kleenex. Can Boobie Slut do same?
Hot boobie slut can only lead to disappointment. She has iQ of Kleenex but not so useful. You can blow in Kleenex. Can Boobie Slut do same?
Upon further review, this douche is clearly wearing eyeliner. Thus I submit a revised interpretation.
@ Boatbutter 10:38
Splendid. I'll even share you with the other 'Bahuntresses. 'Cause I'm not Greedo.
I'd Boba her Fetts with the fury of a snowstorm on Hoth. But that nasty look in her eyes tells me she's got a pussy like a Sarlacc pit.
FUCK YOU, THERE WERE ONLY THREE STAR WARS MOVIES. However, I see there was a character in Attack Of The Clones called "Kit Fisto". You guys are wasting a lot of potential here....
Splendid. I'll even share you with the other 'Bahuntresses. 'Cause I'm not Greedo.
I'd Boba her Fetts with the fury of a snowstorm on Hoth. But that nasty look in her eyes tells me she's got a pussy like a Sarlacc pit.
FUCK YOU, THERE WERE ONLY THREE STAR WARS MOVIES. However, I see there was a character in Attack Of The Clones called "Kit Fisto". You guys are wasting a lot of potential here....
...and furthermore...the giant botched abortion on his forearm... that STUPID FUCKING Cherry Creek flash Jesus cross-nails bloody cross crossed thingie... BEATEN TO DEATH by countless psychotic celebrities and everyday yahoos. It's making me want to chop off his arm with this here meat cleaver. Scratch the risotto, looks like it's gonna be beef stew tomorrow at Casa Oblongata, kids...
@Wister:
Or, we’re just a basement full of pacifist jerks geeking to the finger-licking chicks whose boobie suckle thighs show up when The Boss posts them next to their ambiguously heterosexual douchebags on our basement monitors.
Either way, hottie boobie sluts can only lead to disappointment if you pay too much. She may have the IQ of a Kleenex, but when caught in the woods with severe diarrhea, that Kleenex will do wonders to spit-shine your asshole.
Or, we’re just a basement full of pacifist jerks geeking to the finger-licking chicks whose boobie suckle thighs show up when The Boss posts them next to their ambiguously heterosexual douchebags on our basement monitors.
Either way, hottie boobie sluts can only lead to disappointment if you pay too much. She may have the IQ of a Kleenex, but when caught in the woods with severe diarrhea, that Kleenex will do wonders to spit-shine your asshole.
@ Arch
BWAAAAHAHAHAAAA!!!! Does he come in a purple jelly model with rotating pearls? HAHAHAAA!!!
@ Wister 10:56
Hey, I take serious offense to that.
I'm on the second floor.
BWAAAAHAHAHAAAA!!!! Does he come in a purple jelly model with rotating pearls? HAHAHAAA!!!
@ Wister 10:56
Hey, I take serious offense to that.
I'm on the second floor.
P.s. I would like a piece of Boatbutter.
Just sayin'.
I'm not gay or anything, I just find Adam Lambert extremely talented. And his large mouth seems fabulously adept at gargeling oyster pearls.
... okay, I'm drunk...
Just sayin'.
I'm not gay or anything, I just find Adam Lambert extremely talented. And his large mouth seems fabulously adept at gargeling oyster pearls.
... okay, I'm drunk...
For you, Croosh, you can have the biggest hunk of that Missouri Meatplow that you can cram into the orifice of your choosing. 'Cause I love you like that.
Don't worry, Boatbutter. It's not gay if I'm filming it.
Don't worry, Boatbutter. It's not gay if I'm filming it.
Okay, the Star Wars references are lost on me. No sense messing up a perfectly douchey male and skank female with such unnecessary refs.
Plain old debauchery such as in this photo debases the myth and legend of the cult classic movies.
ObiWanKenobi told me so. And so did Yoda.
Plain old debauchery such as in this photo debases the myth and legend of the cult classic movies.
ObiWanKenobi told me so. And so did Yoda.
# posted by : 12:33 AM
: 12:33 AM
Awe Whoop, some of us can't help it. Weeza justa litsa bits nerdsy, see?
I’d take Princess Leia’s wedge Antilles, located on her dark side, while Padawaning my man-yoda furiously onto her Darth Maul before her empire struck me back.
Now, quit yer whinin' before I go all Warwick Davis on yo' colostomy totin' ass and land you in an imperial walker…
… sheeiit. Us?? Fucking nerdy? My ass.
I’d take Princess Leia’s wedge Antilles, located on her dark side, while Padawaning my man-yoda furiously onto her Darth Maul before her empire struck me back.
Now, quit yer whinin' before I go all Warwick Davis on yo' colostomy totin' ass and land you in an imperial walker…
… sheeiit. Us?? Fucking nerdy? My ass.
Damn it, I was always a Star Trek fan, not a Star Wars fan. I get most of the refs, but I'm at a loss to add.
Oh well. I'll take Darksock's cue and just go with Star Trek references anyway:
I'd let her Khan me into going to Ceti Alpha V.
Oh well. I'll take Darksock's cue and just go with Star Trek references anyway:
I'd let her Khan me into going to Ceti Alpha V.
I'd furiously penetrate her with my penis and/or fist until she looked at me in a distressful manor, at which time I'd like to climax upon said face.
That's no movie reference. I thought I'd just keep it real. Especially since DB1 hasn't got a new post up yet. Come on now, it's 10am Eastern! haha.
That's no movie reference. I thought I'd just keep it real. Especially since DB1 hasn't got a new post up yet. Come on now, it's 10am Eastern! haha.
but then again, I would saber her tauntaun and then say "And I thought they smelt bad on the outside"
I think Mr. White is about the explode in a goopy soup of mixed SciFi references. When he starts on Space: 1999 and Quark, it's time to evacuate the building.
I would boink her in virtual reality until every phone on the planet rings at once, announcing my climax.
I would molest her in slow-mo, simultaneously dodging bullets, while Keanu Reeves stood nearby, looking vacant and saying, "Whoa."
I would have sex with her until I died, but I'd have her reanimate me using the T-virus so we could continue to do it undead-style.
I'd fuck her hollow and then fill her body with my STUFF and then she'd start singing about how she can't get enough of The Stuff...
Anybody ever watch The Stuff?
Anybody ever watch The Stuff?
@ Mr. White
I'm almost there, don't stop, dont' stop, don't stop....ohhhh, God, Quantum Leap reference, please, ohhh, fuuuuck yeaaaahhh.....
I'm almost there, don't stop, dont' stop, don't stop....ohhhh, God, Quantum Leap reference, please, ohhh, fuuuuck yeaaaahhh.....
Give me a break. This guy (Crosshair) sucks cock and doesn't just swallow... he gargles!
# posted by : 10:37 AM
: 10:37 AM
As if we didn't already know who the biggest nerd here was...
... Mr. White proves there is none nerdier. And possibly none funnier, at least not today.
... Mr. White proves there is none nerdier. And possibly none funnier, at least not today.
For you, as always, Medusa:
I would leap into douchebag's body and bang this girl while my holographic friend scolded me from nearby.
I would leap into douchebag's body and bang this girl while my holographic friend scolded me from nearby.
@ Mr White
Ahhh, getting railed by Scott Bakula in some other dude's body, while Dean Stockwell brings the guilty shame factor. Damnit, I need another shower.
@ Scroteophobic-- ^-^
Ahhh, getting railed by Scott Bakula in some other dude's body, while Dean Stockwell brings the guilty shame factor. Damnit, I need another shower.
@ Scroteophobic-- ^-^
The second pic is definitely gouge-worthy.
And I see that as a definite contender for the monthly. While the first one just raises the suspicion of the necessity for targeted genocide, the second confirms it.
And I see that as a definite contender for the monthly. While the first one just raises the suspicion of the necessity for targeted genocide, the second confirms it.
DarKSock, if it takes Crucial to nominate you nerd here, you lose, but if you'll accept my nomination, I'll enter you as the biggest nerd. Anyone wearing MickeyMouse ears is a nerd.
And your commentary is always a feast for the nerd's eye. Whatever that means.
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And your commentary is always a feast for the nerd's eye. Whatever that means.
# posted by : 6:16 PM
: 6:16 PM << Home
