Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Fratbag Meditations: Aka The DB1 is in NYC
Your humble narrator finds himself in New York this week, meditating on all things suckle-thigh as well as the troubling Jerz Scarf developments of 2009 (example pictured here).
Promisingly, the boobie hotties of 2009 are on a nice trend of wholesomeness without loss of cleavite and shoulder-suckle reveal. The skankosity of 'Baguette from a few years ago (the peak of the Lohan/Aguilera media slutt phase) seems to be giving way to more a more wholesome, if coded, "If You Seek Amy" double entendre.
And say what you will about the lack of cleverness, but at least it's using a crude form poetic license rather than direct address. Or maybe I'm just trying to find silver lining in pop mass produced detritus.
A nice selection of hott/choad in the hopper for today, and massive props to all the 'bag hunters who submit every day to me, The DB1. If I don't write back to your email, I blame the two bottles of Thunderbird I downed with a homeless poet named Tom Collins while flirting with Mimi on Avenue C last night at 2am.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 7:01 AM 
Comments:
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Welcome DB1!!
Your study results might be thrown off by the fact that it's March on the east coast - scarves are being worn as necessity as well as douche-neck adornments.
I recommend a control group.
Your study results might be thrown off by the fact that it's March on the east coast - scarves are being worn as necessity as well as douche-neck adornments.
I recommend a control group.
# posted by 
: 7:03 AM
: 7:03 AM
Medusa and I have a chalkboard in the playpen where we keep a list of bitches, too, but it's a little different.
I think I know that Avenue C guy you speak of, DB1. You didn't wake up in a bathtub of ice with a note that said "Call 911," did you?
I think I know that Avenue C guy you speak of, DB1. You didn't wake up in a bathtub of ice with a note that said "Call 911," did you?
What?! The Founder -- DB1 -- is amongst us East Coast hott seekers, scrote punchers, and de-bleethers? I thought the sun was a bit brighter today...nope, that's just pre-St.Patty's hangover, bitch.
Re.: the photo: Are we certain that the taller specimen is not an extremely rare dykebag or the even MO' rare TransBag? Something about the do,' the scarf, the aquiline facial features (despite the 5 o'clock shadow) confuses and confounds me.
And by "confuses and confounds me," I mean "makes me wanna barf."
Re.: the photo: Are we certain that the taller specimen is not an extremely rare dykebag or the even MO' rare TransBag? Something about the do,' the scarf, the aquiline facial features (despite the 5 o'clock shadow) confuses and confounds me.
And by "confuses and confounds me," I mean "makes me wanna barf."
@DB1: Happy St. Pat's!
When you're done getting pissed at McSorley's, Get pissed at:
http://newyork.citysearch.com/profile/7084884/new_york_ny/welcome_to_the_johnson_s.html
http://brooklyn.citysearch.com/profile/41545378/brooklyn_ny/barcade.html
http://newyork.citysearch.com/profile/7109189/new_york_ny/off_the_wagon.html
or
http://www.newyorkontap.com/reviews2show.asp?show=124
-but not for douche + hott couplings.
I think all of those are with Richie Bottles over ~somewhere near:
http://newyork.citysearch.com/profile/41757697/new_york_ny/home_guest_house.html
http://www.themaritimehotel.com/
http://newyork.citysearch.com/profile/41151819/new_york_ny/level_v.html#profileTab-reviews
...
or, em...Roberto Pons' place at:
http://www.pachanyc.com/
Happy Hunting!
When you're done getting pissed at McSorley's, Get pissed at:
http://newyork.citysearch.com/profile/7084884/new_york_ny/welcome_to_the_johnson_s.html
http://brooklyn.citysearch.com/profile/41545378/brooklyn_ny/barcade.html
http://newyork.citysearch.com/profile/7109189/new_york_ny/off_the_wagon.html
or
http://www.newyorkontap.com/reviews2show.asp?show=124
-but not for douche + hott couplings.
I think all of those are with Richie Bottles over ~somewhere near:
http://newyork.citysearch.com/profile/41757697/new_york_ny/home_guest_house.html
http://www.themaritimehotel.com/
http://newyork.citysearch.com/profile/41151819/new_york_ny/level_v.html#profileTab-reviews
...
or, em...Roberto Pons' place at:
http://www.pachanyc.com/
Happy Hunting!
In response to the post on the "I'm Getting Some" Defense: http://azrael-mr.livejournal.com/141081.html
Military bags in a classroom setting? Groomed brows? Jerz scarf? Fauxhawks?
Poor hott in the background is choking back her cranberry-walnut salad at the sight of such baggery.
Poor hott in the background is choking back her cranberry-walnut salad at the sight of such baggery.
Mr Azrael (if that is your real name...),
Congratulations! It only took you one year to figure out this was a single-punchline site!
Stop taking it (and yourself [and your portfolio]) so seriously.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to "lift me kilt."
Congratulations! It only took you one year to figure out this was a single-punchline site!
Stop taking it (and yourself [and your portfolio]) so seriously.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to "lift me kilt."
@CrackedActor
I didn't know the heavy amount of sarcasm I use could be construed as taking myself seriously. I'll write more clearly for those who don't get being subtle.
But as always, it's the internet. You don't like it, don't read it. Clearly I still read it so that must mean I like it. Or did you not read the whole post?
I didn't know the heavy amount of sarcasm I use could be construed as taking myself seriously. I'll write more clearly for those who don't get being subtle.
But as always, it's the internet. You don't like it, don't read it. Clearly I still read it so that must mean I like it. Or did you not read the whole post?
Just skimmed. Sorry, I'm too used to people using websites to comment on websites about how it's stupid to use websites to comment on websites and websites are commented on within websites and stop hatin yo. Website. I suggest more sarchasm in your preamble. I'll take a closer look, tho.
I know Mimi -- she has the best ass below 14th street...
As for the douche -- the other half of his bleached out sweatshirt simpley says "'t"
As for the douche -- the other half of his bleached out sweatshirt simpley says "'t"
Soooo...
OK, nice "script flipping." But seriously, if you want DB1 off his soapbox, what are you still doing here? Research? Upon closer reading, your response to my first post now seems to me like a thinly veiled attempt to have your crap and douche it, too.
OK, nice "script flipping." But seriously, if you want DB1 off his soapbox, what are you still doing here? Research? Upon closer reading, your response to my first post now seems to me like a thinly veiled attempt to have your crap and douche it, too.
@CrackedActor
I also wasn't trying to get anyone to "quit hatin', yo."
It was more of a "we all have our douche moments, so let's not try and start a witch hunt."
I figured introducing a new aspect on the issue, since the term douche seems to be getting thrown around more and more loosely every time I check the site.
I also wasn't trying to get anyone to "quit hatin', yo."
It was more of a "we all have our douche moments, so let's not try and start a witch hunt."
I figured introducing a new aspect on the issue, since the term douche seems to be getting thrown around more and more loosely every time I check the site.
By "put away the soap box" I also didn't mean "shut down the website". I just meant that no further thought need go into a stupid looking guy in a picture than "Hey. There's a stupid looking guy in a picture."
you know who never has a douche moment? this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3sNARLNu_Y&feature=related
and dont worry, the days of rick-rollin are over. it's gunther-time.
and dont worry, the days of rick-rollin are over. it's gunther-time.
# posted by : 8:30 AM
: 8:30 AM
I guess this is the proper forum for all of us to admit one (1) douche move we have committed.
I'll go first: I have a tattoo and am getting another soon.
I hope to prove that we have to laugh at ourselves before laughing at others; and that azreal has a point (albiet a painfully obvious one) - douche is a state of mind.
This does not, however, completely negate the usefullness of the douche indicators DB1 has meticulously compiled, analyzed and made available for public comment in a safe environment.
I'll go first: I have a tattoo and am getting another soon.
I hope to prove that we have to laugh at ourselves before laughing at others; and that azreal has a point (albiet a painfully obvious one) - douche is a state of mind.
This does not, however, completely negate the usefullness of the douche indicators DB1 has meticulously compiled, analyzed and made available for public comment in a safe environment.
# posted by : 8:31 AM
: 8:31 AM
1. I rocked a fauxhawk from 00-06.
2. I was in a frat for 1 semester.
3. I own 3 "ironic" t-shirts ("California, long and hangs to the left" "Without Me its just aweso" and "Fight Me, I'm Irish") and I'm wearing one today. Guess which.
4. I have fingerless gloves.
5. I'm secretly Bobby Batz.
2. I was in a frat for 1 semester.
3. I own 3 "ironic" t-shirts ("California, long and hangs to the left" "Without Me its just aweso" and "Fight Me, I'm Irish") and I'm wearing one today. Guess which.
4. I have fingerless gloves.
5. I'm secretly Bobby Batz.
Welcome to the Apple, DB1. No better day to be here. Watch out for Mimi on Avenue C, though. She might be contagious.
He has a mayonnaise packet worth of yellow pus in that chin goiter he's rocking; maybe that's what the scarf's for. Because no one wants to see that shit on your shirt sleeve.
There are 6.2 people in this picture.
Soccer bitches and Beer Pong Bitches are apparently worthy of being listed.
This condo has a staircase.
Soccer bitches and Beer Pong Bitches are apparently worthy of being listed.
This condo has a staircase.
# posted by : 9:20 AM
: 9:20 AM
i pay for my footlongs with 1 dollar bills i crumple and use as insulation around my crotch and inner thighs to keep them from chaffing, the folks behind me get my flabby thigh and crotch sweat with their change and eat without washing their hands.
# posted by : 9:22 AM
: 9:22 AM
Then there was that time I instinctively let go of my wife’s hand and pushed her into an oncoming bus when Halo Angel Hott unexpectedly strolled out of a store, and turned our direction on the sidewalk.
And the time I was caught dry humping Plinky’s mom’s leathery hind-legs in the Javan Rhinoceros exhibit at the San Diego County Zoo.
I regret nothing.
And the time I was caught dry humping Plinky’s mom’s leathery hind-legs in the Javan Rhinoceros exhibit at the San Diego County Zoo.
I regret nothing.
@ azrael-mr:
The people featured on the web site aren't all that different from most of us
I give you Exhibit "A"
Exhibit "B"
Do you think these guys look like the collective "us"? Do they look like you?
Yes, I read your entire post. I will give you credence if the Express and Affliction apparel you wear doesn't have their logo in giant "look at me" caricature all over them ( do they even make subtle fashion items? I doubt it). You know there are other designers out there with names like Lauren, Kors, and even Cardin that have fits for any size male.
Check yourself because you , sir, may be a douchebag.
The people featured on the web site aren't all that different from most of us
I give you Exhibit "A"
Exhibit "B"
Do you think these guys look like the collective "us"? Do they look like you?
Yes, I read your entire post. I will give you credence if the Express and Affliction apparel you wear doesn't have their logo in giant "look at me" caricature all over them ( do they even make subtle fashion items? I doubt it). You know there are other designers out there with names like Lauren, Kors, and even Cardin that have fits for any size male.
Check yourself because you , sir, may be a douchebag.
@Vin Douchal
Point taken about how most of these guys look. When I said like us it was more of a personality thing. Some of these people could be pretty cool (E.G. Pumpy, rest his soul).
I mentioned Affliction and Express because DB1 has marked them as douchal indicators. I do wear other clothes from other places like PacSun. And to answer your questions, the Affliction shirts I own are not engorged in the logo. They're pictures of ghosts and stuff that I think were drawn well. I also do not look like any of the uber douches featured on this site. The grooming standards to which I adhere (job related) wouldn't allow it.
And while I am not a douchebag, I will openly admit to having done many, many douchey things. But I'm also a married man, treat my wife as best as one man can, do NOT get pictures taken with Paid-2-Pose Strippers, or throw moronic hand gestures.
Point taken about how most of these guys look. When I said like us it was more of a personality thing. Some of these people could be pretty cool (E.G. Pumpy, rest his soul).
I mentioned Affliction and Express because DB1 has marked them as douchal indicators. I do wear other clothes from other places like PacSun. And to answer your questions, the Affliction shirts I own are not engorged in the logo. They're pictures of ghosts and stuff that I think were drawn well. I also do not look like any of the uber douches featured on this site. The grooming standards to which I adhere (job related) wouldn't allow it.
And while I am not a douchebag, I will openly admit to having done many, many douchey things. But I'm also a married man, treat my wife as best as one man can, do NOT get pictures taken with Paid-2-Pose Strippers, or throw moronic hand gestures.
@azrael_mr
Please understand, this post is not in defense of HCwDB. Please consider the following:
Did you know what life is like for the people who make your clothing? Is a polo shirt from Express worth someone living in a closet sized dorm (with 8 other people), working twelve or more hour days, with little hope of advancement and no recourse if injured or fired?
You are attempting to change "skewed and mostly inconsistent views", and I encourage you in that process. However, you may want to consider carefully which views you exert your energy, time and money on.
P.S. The Salvation Army has 99 cent Mondays; you could build a whole wardrobe with the cost of one item of Affliction clothing.
Please understand, this post is not in defense of HCwDB. Please consider the following:
Did you know what life is like for the people who make your clothing? Is a polo shirt from Express worth someone living in a closet sized dorm (with 8 other people), working twelve or more hour days, with little hope of advancement and no recourse if injured or fired?
You are attempting to change "skewed and mostly inconsistent views", and I encourage you in that process. However, you may want to consider carefully which views you exert your energy, time and money on.
P.S. The Salvation Army has 99 cent Mondays; you could build a whole wardrobe with the cost of one item of Affliction clothing.
@Erin
This isn't in defense of my personal spending, so please don't take it that way. But if we're going to start in on the companies that run sweatshops, then I'm sure a lot of people on this website are guilty of the same crime.
I donate to charities to help the less fortunate, help with Toys For Tots, volunteer in my community, and I'm also applying for the Big Brother charity. It may sound harsh but I'm more worried about what goes on in my community and country than someone elses.
And if I could buy cheap clothes that fit well I would. But that goes back to my height making it an issue to fit in Target and Wal-Mart brand stuff.
This isn't in defense of my personal spending, so please don't take it that way. But if we're going to start in on the companies that run sweatshops, then I'm sure a lot of people on this website are guilty of the same crime.
I donate to charities to help the less fortunate, help with Toys For Tots, volunteer in my community, and I'm also applying for the Big Brother charity. It may sound harsh but I'm more worried about what goes on in my community and country than someone elses.
And if I could buy cheap clothes that fit well I would. But that goes back to my height making it an issue to fit in Target and Wal-Mart brand stuff.
I'm kinda diggin' this Tuesday confessional thing. I'm Catholic, I get off on shame. A lot.
The Bleeth list:
1. I have a lot of tattoos. Including a sleeve. I could pass it off as an occupational hazard/necessity, but I'll chalk it up to a gently tempered desire for self-mutilation.
2. I used to be a full-on bleach blonde. Not streaks, not a sunny golden tone, I mean peroxide-white-haystack-crispy critter blonde.
3.I used to get acrylic nails. Granted, they were rather pointy and usually painted blue or black, as opposed to squared-off and white tipped. However, I did indeed get those horrid things glued onto my nails, and let me tell ya, there is nothing hotter than fungus infections on a girl's hands.
4. There are many, many photos of me drunk, in a state of semi-undress, making odd hand gestures and faces, getting humped by someone. The fact that they were taken in dingy punk clubs fifteen years ago with glass pints of Bass ale does not excuse me.
Save for the tattoos, I have given up all of the above. I am shamed in the eyes of my fellow 'baghunters and seek serious reprimand. Mr. White, prepare for me a list of calculus problems. If I do not solve them correctly, I shall consume the beverage of your choosing from your special bar. I just hope you haven't had asparagus lately.
The Bleeth list:
1. I have a lot of tattoos. Including a sleeve. I could pass it off as an occupational hazard/necessity, but I'll chalk it up to a gently tempered desire for self-mutilation.
2. I used to be a full-on bleach blonde. Not streaks, not a sunny golden tone, I mean peroxide-white-haystack-crispy critter blonde.
3.I used to get acrylic nails. Granted, they were rather pointy and usually painted blue or black, as opposed to squared-off and white tipped. However, I did indeed get those horrid things glued onto my nails, and let me tell ya, there is nothing hotter than fungus infections on a girl's hands.
4. There are many, many photos of me drunk, in a state of semi-undress, making odd hand gestures and faces, getting humped by someone. The fact that they were taken in dingy punk clubs fifteen years ago with glass pints of Bass ale does not excuse me.
Save for the tattoos, I have given up all of the above. I am shamed in the eyes of my fellow 'baghunters and seek serious reprimand. Mr. White, prepare for me a list of calculus problems. If I do not solve them correctly, I shall consume the beverage of your choosing from your special bar. I just hope you haven't had asparagus lately.
Thanks Medusa!
My history of used bookstores, organic food, and sheer number of hours spent in hip waders has prevented me from Bleethdom.
Although, if grading on a scale of 1-10, the waders do add an extra 0.025.
My history of used bookstores, organic food, and sheer number of hours spent in hip waders has prevented me from Bleethdom.
Although, if grading on a scale of 1-10, the waders do add an extra 0.025.
"Beer Pong Bitches List"
Hmmmmm, any chance HJBB&D was at this shindig?
Ummmmm, "Rock Chalk Fauxhawk"?
Hmmmmm, any chance HJBB&D was at this shindig?
Ummmmm, "Rock Chalk Fauxhawk"?
There's a disturbingly reflective tone round here lately. Dude's got an infant fauxhawk, an earring, a ridiculous expression, a designer scarf that matches his shirt, and no, it's not because his neck gets cold. Also, the chalkboard has a list of bitches. Focus, people. Eye on the ball.
Nail polish and guyliner. For years. Skirts over jeans. Tight tops. Something that in some lights could have been considered a mandana. Tattoos (but I still don't think they are automatically douchey).
In my defence (if it is possible) I stopped them all minute they became mainstream. When every little Emo fucker decided that it was cool to be a watered down Goth. And I have never popped a shocker. Oh - except that one time in the car when a harpsichord solo kicked in. But I felt a burning rush of shame even as I did it to the CD player.
Do I feel cleansed by my confessions? Not sure. But I have no doubt I will feel like I have served some sort of penance when the combined might of the forum shout "FAGAOTH! NO FUKEN TARMLA FOR HIM!"
In my defence (if it is possible) I stopped them all minute they became mainstream. When every little Emo fucker decided that it was cool to be a watered down Goth. And I have never popped a shocker. Oh - except that one time in the car when a harpsichord solo kicked in. But I felt a burning rush of shame even as I did it to the CD player.
Do I feel cleansed by my confessions? Not sure. But I have no doubt I will feel like I have served some sort of penance when the combined might of the forum shout "FAGAOTH! NO FUKEN TARMLA FOR HIM!"
# posted by : 3:00 PM
: 3:00 PM
@ Scroteophibic
Ah, damn, I forgot about the Shocker. I must amend my confession . . .
Mark it zero, Dude.
Ah, damn, I forgot about the Shocker. I must amend my confession . . .
Mark it zero, Dude.
# posted by : 6:50 PM
: 6:50 PM
@ Erin 10:59
I'm becoming a survivalist these days in fear of the economic doom looming on the horizon. Looking at land in central Illinois. I'm getting sharp with canning and preserving, but I need someone to get me solid with the fishing thing. The Compound (tm) could use a sexy fisherette in waders. I send an invite, and there will be homemade pie.
@ Crackedactor
hahahaha....no, I'm off the sauce all together. Not the man sauce, I mean alcohol. Must stay sharp when skinning rabbits as the cities burn, ya know. Although my sister brews mead, she will also be living at The Compound (tm), so the drunks in residence needn't fear.
I'm becoming a survivalist these days in fear of the economic doom looming on the horizon. Looking at land in central Illinois. I'm getting sharp with canning and preserving, but I need someone to get me solid with the fishing thing. The Compound (tm) could use a sexy fisherette in waders. I send an invite, and there will be homemade pie.
@ Crackedactor
hahahaha....no, I'm off the sauce all together. Not the man sauce, I mean alcohol. Must stay sharp when skinning rabbits as the cities burn, ya know. Although my sister brews mead, she will also be living at The Compound (tm), so the drunks in residence needn't fear.
@medusa
It's time for some solids of revolution, baby. Find the volume using the washer method, or except your punishment.
It's time for some solids of revolution, baby. Find the volume using the washer method, or except your punishment.
whenever i hear about DB1 traveling, i go off thinking about how much more there is to DB1's travel expenses (that he's not telling us on the blog) after raking in all the royalties on the HCwDB book.
that, and classrooms and fatty biceps.
that, and classrooms and fatty biceps.
Ladies & gents, unfortunately this blog can now close - we've reached the absolute PEAK.
# posted by : 12:48 PM
: 12:48 PM
What a shit pile of fuck...
if esmerel-douche wasgoing to read her fortune with his lame ass scarf it would read "You are lame and shallow enough to hug a douche like me and will most likely grow up to be old and empty inside and all you will have is that smile left".
this guy sucks, and girls likeher suck any more.
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if esmerel-douche wasgoing to read her fortune with his lame ass scarf it would read "You are lame and shallow enough to hug a douche like me and will most likely grow up to be old and empty inside and all you will have is that smile left".
this guy sucks, and girls likeher suck any more.
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