Ted points to his spot on the 2009 Yearly podium.
"There but for the grace of Scrote go I."
 

There must be a sort of Zen douchiness about Ted that goes beyond his facial coloration that is escaping me. I'll have to reexamine his oeuvre.
 

Three cheers for Crimson Ted! And by "cheers" I mean "shovels to the face."
 

congrats to Crimson Ted.

you certainly aren't Peaches, but hell if you aren't trying hard.
 

I'm looking at Ted's Orange Spectrometer readout and I weep for the future of humanity.
 

CT is shagging birds half his age and living the dream. Go Ted!
 

I always imagine Crimson Ted is pointing at the Dramatic Chipmunk.
 

congrats ted

now go fuck yourself
 

@arch

crimson teds pointy finger pose is the perfect mold for a butt plug
 

I hear Crimson Ted has landed the role of the lead villain in the next James Bond film:

Stinkfinger
 

My one glowing hope is that Crimson Ted consistently swallows his Crest Ultra-Whitening Toothpaste so that his asshole glows like a white dwarf going supernova in the (Red) Crab Nebula.

Give me this one thing.

Please.
 

congrats ted

you may now to proceed to play in traffic.
 

In death, the members of Project Mayhem earn their name. His name, is Crimson Ted.

HIS NAME IS CRIMSON TED . . . HIS NAME IS CRIMSON TED
 

@rgb

While I have never used a butt plug on myself or on my girlfriend, and while I have no interest in ever using one, I feel I can still attest that no one would want a Crimson Ted butt plug. Especially if you gotta look back and see him staring at you.
 

@Arch
You just scared me. Now I'm peeking out my windows, fervently praying that I don't see him crouching there, eyes wide, finger condemning me.
 

A few more nights out like the one pictured and CT will bear a striking resemblance to ol' Yellowtail.
 

Roll Ted Roll!
 

Big Ups to Ted.

And by big ups, of course I mean repeated Louisville Slugger bashes to the face.

He's pointing to the spot in the Hall he will soon occupy.

Fuck you, Ted. Fuck you.
 

@arch

the stare back is the genious of it all. It frightens while it excites.
 

I have a special place in my heart for Crimson Ted, as it was he who gave me the courage to step out of the (dark orange) shadows as 'reader Mike' and into the role of occaisional contributor 'Reader Mike'.

Congratulations, Sir Crimson... and thank you. May your hue grow ever more orange, and may your arthur grow ever more kade.
 

Crimson Ted; for when you absolutely, positively have to mortify your family overnight.


Congrats you puffy waste of DNA. Let's see if you daughter bothers to send you a father's day card this year.

I'm thinking... probably not.
 

Look, I know his stare is creepy. But can you imagine his O-face?
 

It's Russell Crowe spotted in the wild.
 

Orange Jeter ruined my life.

My doctor says there is no known cure for the douche virus he infected me with. I can feel it growing stronger, multiplying exponentially within me. It won't be long now before my entire vocabulary consists of: "Wooo!" and I feel compelled to journey to Hard Rock Vegas, douche Mecca. My refreshing intelligence and innocence are gone forever.

OJ was robbed.

God help me.

-Cynthia
 

I'd like also to quickly give props to DB1 and all the contributors in this group. I cannot believe the level of comedic genius AND trenchant insight I enjoy here on a daily basis.

I mean, I literally lost a couple hours of sleep last night because I couldn't stop laughing at yesterday's Star Wars references. When The Observation Specialist chimed in with "You can Count on me leaving a Dooku on her chest", it was all over for me. I wept with tears of joy.

You guys are colossal, utterly colossal.
 

@ Anonymous Cynthia

I understand completely. As Orange Jeter ruined your life, so Arthur Kade ruined mine.

Let me know if you're interested in starting up some kind of outreach group so we can help those who are experiencing what we've been through but feel they have no where to go.
 

We love you, too, Mike. Your incisive wit mas only fortified our collective assholery.

Now before this place starts to sound like an AA meeting crossed with a circle jerk, let me say that I'm proud to see old Ted get his due. And by due I mean public shaming.

For as sure as the stiff cup of coffee I drink is dissolving the lining of my colon, the Greico Virus is eroding the foundations of society, attacking good taste and decorum, sensibility and self-awareness. I claim not to be any pillar of excellence and gentility. However, I am still aware of the existence of such things. Every spray tan and URC is another ring of the death knell for classiness.

Ted, I think, sees his spot in Circle 5 of the Inferno, the place for the wrathful and the sullen. For in the presence of delectable hott stems, he still pouts and points with hostile intent. He sees Phylegyas, coming to row him across the muck. Perhaps he points to the soul of Filippo Argenti, who rises howling from the filthy river Styx to warn Ted of the life he is spiralling into, stuck in the mire of this filthy club:

"How many up above now count themselves great kings, who'll wallow here like pigs in slime, leaving behind foul memories of their crimes!"

To which right bleeth kicks him in the chest with a Manolo and hisses, "Be off there with the other dogs!"

And soon the others shall turn on Ted, dismembering him til he hath gone mad with spleen and began to turn his teeth against himself.

















Holy flaming fish slap, what is IN this coffee this morning?
 

Here, here, Medusa! Here, here!
 

@ Medusa Oblongata


That rant is totally copy-and-paste-worthy. It goes to the top of my "Best Of" files.
 

I really think Crimson Ted has a spot waiting for him in the Hall of Scrote. Maybe some sort of a pointy section of the hall for Peaches, Crimson Ted and the like?
 

Fair enough.


But I am calling for a new website - an online shrine - to be devoted solely to

C Y N T H I A.
 

Crimson Ted crashed into my world like a nuclear sub submerges from the atlantic ocean - unanounced, a fleeting visit, then disapears to the dark depths of the douche-cean..

Come back CT, I long for your cold, unperturbed stare and pointless finger-pointing.
 

21 gun salute to the face, Ted. Nobody shall supplant Cynthia.

I dare the hotts to try and compete for HoTY. (It's a win-win if they do, really.)
 

Neither of those skanks are hot. They wouldn't even be lukewarm, even if someone had microwaved them on high for two hours. Teddy can have them with not a shred of jealousy from me.
 

what the hell is CT always looking at the is down and to his right? seriously, i may die of sleep deprivation if this riddle isn't solved.
 

as Douche Ted was telling the two idiots about the time is was in the bathroom when he took getting ass raped like a man and pointed over to his lover. Brad! If I ever saw ted at a party, one swift elbow to the face and curtains for this nimb-rod.
 

I think Crimson Ted points bravely to the future, and the hotts pout at it, showing us the future will make us pout too. I think this is a a Renoir painting actually.