Good lord! That is some high quality hiney. Almost makes up for the surplus of utter sadness that is becoming our society. Sigh. If I lived in Jersey, I would. . . move.
 

I must say, I am Ass Pears second biggest fan…
 

Does Fish Slap look more orange than he usually does? Is it possible that he's become an even bigger douche? This is a troubling thought.
 

Watch out little hottie!! He's about to punch you in the ribs!
 

Oh, and Fuck you Fish Slap!
 

Beautiful Ass Pear. We need more of them.
 

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Is Ed Hardy an actual real person or a media creation like Obama?
 

@ Rockst*r whatever the hell you do, good to see companies run by douchebags have all the "style" and big ideas down but cant think to hire a nerdy web developer to make a site that isn't completely amateur/1996...Jesus you suck...

I linked the roommate to a friend in NYC who lives at home still...maybe we can help...

army of douche-ness
 

you tell 'em army...


speaking of sucky, I did too good of a job running that dickweed Plinky outta town.
 

Regarding the most welcome Ass Pear: Another hott Brianna, this time with an 'i' instead of an 'e.'

But 'i' before 'e'? I don't know - I'd like to juggle the two for awhile to see which one I like better.
 

If Plinky is indeed gone, these are indeed sad days for all of us. I prepared this yesterday, and figure now’s a good time to post it:

We seem to have lost a great ‘baghunter once again. I think sharing our grief should help us ease our burdens.

Plinky may have meant something to each and every one of you. But personally, he was my guardian angel. I remember when we were institutionalized he often got into fights because of me. People used to tease me about my low-slung testicles and he didn’t want to see me get hurt so he tried to protect me. He is also the only person in which I could confide my unquenchable lust for bovid hind-quarters. I could talk to him about anything because he never judged or scolded me. He always has some great advice ready for me; usually starting with, “You’re momma is so fat…” But, he had this trait where he could always turn a dull party around by showing off his superlative auto-fellatio skills. (Pardon me while I dab my streaming tears with my handkerchief.)

Todd “Plinky” McHeelgrovel was such a character. He knew how to be serious at times and he also knew when to joke around. Like that time he blew our principal’s pet Chihuahua during recess. As a friend he was so very dear. He always found time to be intimate with his friends. Sexually. He was a very loyal and kind friend, except for those dang basketball gambling debts. But this isn’t the time, or place to divulge those grisly details. He was very polite; he was the kind of man who always opened doors for average Caucasian males. He could be very immature at times but that’s just because he was still a toddler trapped inside a young, pale, hairless man’s body.

I know Plinky left lots of things undone and other things that he never had a chance to start. But I promise I will continue what he has started here and hopefully fulfill his dreams for him. This is just my small way of saying thank you for everything he did for me.

I remember our last talk together; we talked about this site, the hotts, and which douchebags we hated the most. We talked about our emotions and how he didn’t like to see people cry, especially his mother... she of the blimp-shaped thunder-thigh’d fame. We only talked about this as a joke and now I realize why he mentioned it. He told me he wanted his anonymous stalkers to cook slowly on a metal spigot over an open flame. I jokingly answered him that I could easily arrange for it, but that I’d be weary of facing his mom’s ‘jowls of wrath.’ “They’re like elephant ears being battered in a Cat 5 Hurricane,” I quipped. He simply answered, “that’ll no longer be my problem”. And to think that talk took place just this past February.

So, let’s just be thankful for all the jokes that Plinky left for us. And with that, I hope that he will continue to live on within our hearts and minds. We hope to see you soon, my brother from another, slightly larger mother. I pour out a shot of Maker’s in your honor.
 

(Fuck) Fish Slap's buddy looks like a 'roided- and inked-up BostonDoucheBag.

Seriously.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

WTF exactly is a "guido style bathroom"? I'm sure it comes equipped with all the trendy bodysprays and hair products, but does that also mean it has a specific wall pattern? Strobe lights? A DJ booth with a douchebag who hands you a towel and a mint? Does it look like the bathroom at the club, complete with pissed-on, discarded cigarette butts in the stall and a couple of partially full URCs next to the sink?
 

Plinky, I hardly knew ye.
 

I heard Plinky was hired as a nanny for Octomom.
 

I heard Plinky was working for Samurai Scrote.
 

she's got a cracking arse, but her thighs are a bit too chunky, thus fucking with her lines.
 

I read through the whole Rcokstar website..what don't these guys do? The whole time I was reading it all I could think was Prestige Worldwide!...wide wide wide...

Fucking hysterical. Do these douchebags actually think this "company" is going to work? "Hey, look at us, we traveled around and took pictures of hot girls in random places and attached our name to them in a vain effort to make ourselves look like Rcokstars!...We’re cool? Right guys?!” I’d bet these guys have quadruple digit credit card debt and wear the same outfit out every night.

A - Learn how to spell. Even for satirical purpose "Rcokstar" doesn't work...it's not even phonetically correct. Sound it out douchenozzles.
B – Who designed your website? I’ve seen 6th graders using Microsoft Paint create cooler websites.
C – In a sentence, after a period, you use a capital letter. It’s pretty easy you lazy fucks.
D – Straight from the website: “If your being talked about, good or bad, then you must be doing something right.”
HAHAHAHA! First, it’s you’re NOT your. Yeah, I’d totally come to you tools for ‘business consulting’, ‘coaching’, or ‘public relations’ when you can’t even get a fucking contraction correct. Second, that is the dumbest fucking thing I have ever read. You guys are idiots. We are all going to be talking about you guys for the next 14.5 minutes (and only 14.5 because there’s no way in hell you’ll ever have 15 minutes of fame) and in no way, shape, or form are you idiots at Rcokstar doing anything right.
 

Plinky's mom said he just up and crawled right back into her womb one day. she said the poor kid couldn't handle the pain anymore.
 

҉̔̕̚̕̚҉ ~ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝ ~ ͡҉ ҉̔̕͡҉ ҉̔̕̚̕̚҉ ~ ҉̵̞̟ ͡҉ ҉̔̕̚~ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇ ͡҉ ҉̔̕̚̕̚҉ ~ ҉
͡҉ ҉̔̕̚̕̚҉ ~ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇ ͡҉ ҉̔̕̚ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇͡҉
҉̔̕̚̕̚҉ ~ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇

͡҉ ҉̔̕̚̕̚҉ ~ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝ ~ ͡҉ ҉̔̕͡҉ ҉̔̕̚̕̚҉ ~ ҉̵̞̟ ҉̔̕̚~ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞ ͡҉ ҉̔̕̚̕̚҉ ~ ҉
͡҉ ҉̔̕̚̕̚҉ ~ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝FUCK ͡҉ ҉̔̕̚̕̚҉FISH ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇͡҉
҉̔̕̚̕̚҉ SLAP~ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇
͡҉ ҉̔̕̚̕̚҉ ~ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝ O
 

I guess this is my signal to exit stage left. It’s my one year anniversary of commenting on this site and it’s truly been an honor and a privilege. I went from a timid and infrequent poster under various retarded aliases to verbal diarrhea faster than Plinky’s mom could scarf an éclair. I shall celebrate with a hearty round of machine gun pulls on this here bottle o’ ‘Mark.

I say cheers to you all. And to all a good cockkslap or slapwhoar… such as the case may be. FFS!
 

Fishslap's friend parties so hard he has to tape his wrists! What a queer!
 

Plinky Schminky - you're not really bailing, are you, Croosh?
 

the news about banning the Axe has made my day whole.

well, it would have been whole if not for speculation over Plinky's absence.
 

really stretching with that tebow bag tag... the guys is about as humble as they come, the guy wears jorts for goodness sakes... so you know the man doesnt care about appearance.

as far as the asspear goes... sorry, but she has more thigh than ass, not exactly a turn on, its it sticks out further on the sides than it does front to back... it aint worth a second look. honestly, i think it was just put up cuz she has a pretty face and no underwear on.
 

god i hate fish slap. the first day i came to this website was one of the first fish slap postings back in 2007, and i hated him the first time i saw his smug sense of entitlement,porkchop-man titties, hat tilt, lame ink and hotts.i still get the same reaction a year and a half later. fuck you fish slap. BTW, do we always seem to have a FS sighting right around a DD sighting? it was weird your honor.
 

My dear Baron, I am not leaving for good. Just until the hangover wears off sometime next week.

And Anon 3:31pm can go eat a dick. You're making the rest of the Anon's look like geniouses.
 

A. Fuck Fish Slap. And fuck Chicago for being home to such festering Douchefilth. Yeah, I'm looking at you, too, hamhocks. My mom called. She wants her shirt back. Is that Sag Harbor? I like the color.

B. Ed Hardy should make butt plugs. Because all of his stuff smells like poo. And I think Anon @ 1:45 is going to be the next ex-Mr. Oblongata. So....do you like Polenta?

C. And he wonders why he's surrounded with those kind of chicks. Anne Hathaway would never go for a guy like that.

D. Seeking Roommates: Notice use of the word "cocksman". 'In The Closet' is the new 'Gay'. No wonder these shit pipes have to work in groups, there's barely enough combined brainpower to turn on a lightswitch.

E. Yay, Minnesota. That place is starting to sound better and better all the time the more Illinois collapses into insanity around me.

F. Tim Tebow...don't know who he is but he's beginning to Douche. As they once did with Scarlet fever, everything must be burned to prevent the spread.

G. Rcokst*r....Again, notice the arrangement of the letters to put "cok" together. And all I see is a douche with a bunch of cheaply dressed fat pigs around him. God help me if I think I ever need to rely on this kind of scum to impress others.

H. Aaaaaas Peaaaaaaar. I'm going to go devour a juicy anjou in her honor. And I mean I'm going to the kitchen to eat a pear in her honor. That's all.

Plinky.....We hardly knew ye....Godspeed, 'baghunter.
 

some ACTUAL Ass Pears:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/62816031@N00/514727774/

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/6/9453755_2228f824a4.jpg
 

@Anon, 3:52 p.m. -

That second one has a small cellulite issue.
 

Ack! That blonde in the parking lot just make my eyeballs try to turn inside out. I'd look better in that dress than her. The blue top girl needs to turn her barstool over and sit on the seat like everyone else does. Fuck, you need to put a stronger warning on that one. Something like "Warning - may cause you to vomit up a kidney at the level of non-hott and douche on display." Thank you MO for the Hathaway link as a sort of post atrocity trauma relief thing. And by that I mean... BRB...
 

I wouldn't want to be here without Crucial or Plinky. I figure Plinky is around and just enjoying "quiet time out" California-style after being harrassed.

Or holding court with twinks.
 

First of all Fuck you Fish Slap , and secondly , I have just found out I live in the same town as Samurai Scrote who if I see anywhere I will slap him with a fish , and by fish I mean a 200 lb tuna to his ridiculous asian mandana .
 

Well, Plinky might be in jail for all we know.

Or maybe CroBagnon ate him.

CrucialHead's presence is a mainstay of this site, and I can't imagine it without him, so you come back soon, now YA HERE ME???

About the links:

1. Ed Hardy could mould poo into gold and I wouldn't want anything to do with him or his fecal products.

2. Teh Chub behind Doucheclown in the lot swallows. I can tell.

3. The ad from Hoboken. Holy Fuck. It's amazing how "I'm a narcissistic douchebag retard" can leap off a page with such violence. Stunning. Truly. I'll give him a wingman - right in the fucking nadz...

4. Axe should be banned and people who wear it should be forced to bathe in bucket of CHARLIE. For a year.

5. Tim Tebow isn't a douchebag. He's just a pedestrian value dork.

6. Rockst*r is just another example of the lengths people will go to get some pussy.

7. The Ass Pear is... ooops...
 

Does a self described "Cocksman" have a bathroom that ISN'T "Guido Style"?
 

What lot are those doucheclowns hanging out in? I thought the stockyards were here in Ft. Worth.

On a side note: much is tolerated from a woman who joyfully sucks you dry. Nothing gains a woman more latitude. That one would be pushing her luck.
 

Holy Scrote! Dude has freaking girl-titty implants! Could this be a pre-op or post-op or soap-op TS/TV douchebag? Hott Argentine princess has me distracted. To her left, definite standard issue douchebag, all of 5 foot 4 tall and 4 foot 5 wide. The Glen Danzig of douchebags. Keeps track of how many hitpoints he has.
 

I have at one time or another visited most of the states within the continental United States. I however have never been to New Jersey. Ever. And rest assured, for as long as I shall live on this planet, I will never set foot on Jersey soil. I declare that as a pact unto myself. I have seen enough, there is not a single redeeming quality in that fuck land, and I shall never venture to witness it with mine own eyes, for I am simply not strong enough, the whole place probably smells like Sex Panther, i.e. big foot' dick.

Thank god for ass pear, that was super. And by super, I mean tits. And by tits I mean ass pear.
 

WHOA, hold on, please. I don't want to keep playing the "I'm the new guy here" card, but I'm the new guy here... cards. (?)

Anyway, I just came home from work and sat down to some dinner, tuned into my favorite site, and now I'm reading about Plinky's departure? And Crucial Head, PLEASE, don't go! What's going on here? What does all this mean? I'm embarrassed to say that I don't know if it's a joke or not.

Medusa, will you help me understand?
 

This is making me feel... hurty.
 

And I was just about to settle into my comfy chair without my pantaloons on so I could enjoy this weeks Ass Pear.

But now nothing's happening "down there". :(
 

Jeebus, calm down, everyone!!!


"Crucial Head said @ 3:44 pm
My dear Baron, I am not leaving for good. Just until the hangover wears off sometime next week.
And Anon 3:31pm can go eat a dick. You're making the rest of the Anon's look like geniouses."

Fuck! You guys suck his dick any harder, he's gonna be cumming dust clouds. Besides, ladies first!

*Slurp slurp*

'ave a 'ood 'eeken, Croo'!!!!

*swallows*
 

Oh, Medusa... ohhhh.... OH!

I love this site.
 

Fuck! You guys suck his dick any harder, he's gonna be cumming dust clouds. Besides, ladies first!

*Slurp slurp*

'ave a 'ood 'eeken, Croo'!!!!

*swallows*


So all along, Medusa has been "Mrs. Head"?

Small world.
 

OH MY GOD! This Rockst*r Inc. deal is the coolest thing I've ever seen! I mean, these people are outrageous!

Have you guys checked out the 'Gallery' pages? I shit you not, there are pictures of blonde, shiny women putting their hands on each other's butts-- AND there are a few pics where it looks like two girls are almost kissing! I've NEVER SEEN crazy shit like this before! It's like their motto should be "Anything Goes!" Oh, man!

Plus, Rockst*r Inc. is pretty upfront about their anti-hater policy, which is really good, you guys.

Anyway, it makes ME feel like a rockstar just visiting their site. I don't know what you suckers are up to this weekend, but I'M going to find a Rockst*r Inc.-sponsered event in my hometown.

Later, losers!
 

Attaboy, Reader Mike! Party on, Bra!!! WHOOOOOOO!!!! XD
 

Tim Tebow would like to praise his lord & savior jeebus chrisco for making him a total douchebag... he'd also like to say "fuck fish slap"
 

i have a shit stain in my undies that somewhat resembles fish slap


I wonder what its worth?
 

I too lament the absence of Plinky... he cracked me up in a retarded short bus way

... this is Southern Cal hoisting a Makers belt to Plinky in unison

slainte!

& Anon asswipe... as so eloquently put by our pal Crucial Head, "eat a dick"
 

There has been a lot more ass pear lately. As a direct result, this website cost me a modem. What I am about to tell you is true, and i am not just trying to be funny.

I saw one of the ass pear photos a while back and it sent my mind off on a tangent of ass and ass humping. Needless to say, I snuck off to do some "routine maintanence" on my PC. My modem was lying on the ground and when I shot my load, it got away from me and landed right on my modems heat vent. This automatically caused a little bit of panic because there was an instant sizzle and a subtle blue flame. It was sort of hard to care until I was done. However, afterwards I was a little pissed off. I ended up calling my service provider and telling them I had spilled some soup on it.
 

Rubbery...you just need a Soup Nazi to take care of things for you.

Or...

Campbell's Tomato Soup, Possibilities....
 

Seriously? Do you fellows really miss plinky that much? Cuz honestly, I always thought of him as a Robin Williams type: if you throw enough jokes out there fast enough, some will be funny just by the law of averages, but otherwise...?

I mean, nice guy and all. And I feel sorry for his mom. But really?
 

If I were named Gus and were the husband of this Ass Pear then her pee would stink because she'd be the Ass Pear O' Gus....



Wait, where's everybody going?

I'm sorry....



hello? helloooo?
 

Anybody???
 

no no DarkSock that was a great joke. except that everyone knows that I AM THE HUSBAND OF ASS PEAR NOT YOU MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA -

okay uh - carry on.
 

Uhm... I think she is "pay-to-play"


Ref: Leg Show Magazine, May 2009 "Cocoa"











Did I just confirm I a perv?
 

@ anon 9:41

No, you just confirmed you're our new reference librarian,
 

@ Baron

"reference librain"


I'm putting that on my Resume.
 

I MENT Librarian
 

@Paper, plastic or douche

Yes, it appears to too shapely to be simple manfat. My guess is that it IS milk-producing and suggest the scrote get regular mammograms. Of course he'll have to trade in his yellow bracelet for a pink ribbon.
 

Plinky's fine. He just quietly went back to cutting out newspaper articles and putting them in his vast array of romance novels so as not to lose them or their significance.

ASS PEAR FTW.
 

Tebow is a raging uberdouche. Humble?! he is so full of shit. Have you watched a college game he played in in the last year. College football announcers:"Tim Tebow tutors kids in Malaysia, Tim Tebow is an activee missionary, Tim Tebow walks on water, Tim Tebow is our new Messiah." If he is so fucking humble, then why was he flagged a 15 yard personal foul penalty for taunting in the national championship game?
 

What I wouldn't give to see Fish Slap in a dark alley. His facade of hip gansta would be pummeled under the wrath of my fists and boots. I would just keep beating until he sheepishly cried, "Whhaaaa, who are you, I don't even know you mister?" And I would bellow, "It is I, he who punishes those who reek of poo, I have been sent from the heavens to rid this planet of your turd infestation." then the stomping would resume until Ol' Slappers had be reduced to his natural state, a huge mound of feces with a hint of the clap.

At least that's how it plays out in my head.
 

Here's a Friday Thoughts bonus you can use in your civilian lives: True internet facts -

When placed in warm milk, raisins re-plump into grapes.

The metal backs of iPods are made from recycled zippers.

Eskimos don’t believe in bridges or tunnels.

Billy Bob Thornton’s grandfather was the first person to own a television.

Dolphins kill more people annually than sharks and influenza combined.

Three out of every ten nickels has been in someone’s mouth.

If you hold one nostril closed for 72 hours, you will slowly lose the ability to see color. (Your sight will instantly return to normal when you release your nostril.)

Wave a magnet at the lower left corner of a vending machine to receive a free soda.

The Z in Jay-Z’s name stands for “Zeppidemus.”

Faded denim shorts were invented three weeks prior to the invention of regular jeans.

Whispering instead of talking on cell phones saves significant battery power.

In Austria, the traditional Christmas colors are not red and greed, but purple and clear.

The average person inhales 3 pounds of spider webs in his or her lifetime.

When first introduced to the public, plastic laundry baskets cost $75 each.

Winnie the Pooh started out as a non-fiction account of mental illness.

Reading backwards for twenty minutes burns the same amount of calories as walking a half-mile.

Revolving doors were first invented as a way to keep horses out of department stores.

Peru and the moon weigh the same amount.
 

I crapped in a bleach jug one time.
 

And Peru & Fish Slap generate the same amount of herpes outbreaks per year.
 

Post 69 - I'll take it with the Ass Pear. If she's not available, I'll steal that hott away from Tim TeBag.

Hey, it's my birthday.
 

That story makes me proud to be from Minnesota.
 

@ Crucial 3:34:

c'mon now, I said I "retired" and I came back. Now you go and pillage that Maker's and return with some of that witty "ish."
 

If Brett Favre can retire, so can Crucial.


Wait...
 

ffs
 

I must start this Monday morning by saying, "Fuck Fish Slap!" There, I feel better.

I couldn't help but laugh like there was no tomorrow when I read the roomie ad on Craigslist (a fave site for bags). Guido bathroom? Does it have hair gel and Axe dispensers? Also, who uses the word "cocksman" aside from Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers? What a lameass. I guess Hoboken is the new Newark.
 

Mmmm, fuck Fish Slap you must.
 

wow, they could really be a hit in Managua...
 

Are these two guido clowns actually sharing a pair of earrings?
 

^^^
I think Fishslap and his butt buddy are sharing a pair of earrings. Good observation, good catch.

Speaking of catch, doesn't it look like Fishslap catches while the other pitches?
 

Tim Tebow is a douche. End of story. Fuck him.