Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Reader Mail: The Lit Bag
----Bienvenue DB1,
Just have a question regarding men who do not display physical characteristics of douchebaggery (barbed wire tats, mandannas, kissylips, etc.), but in similar fashion feel the need to put on a peacock-display through imaginary verbal acumen.
For example, say an individual at some sort of social function feels the needs to drop "post-modern zeitgeist" or other bullsh*t verbose words in order to insinuate intellectual superiority in their attempts to impress the hot.
Do these people file under the douchebag category or are the relegated to less harmful categories like pompous, asinine, and ass-clown?
Sincerely,
J
----
All those names apply. Or you can just call me DB1.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 10:02 AM 
Comments:
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either there was a glitch in the uploading process of this picture, or the guy on the right of this picture has a terribly separated right shoulder.
on another note, jesus wasn't hung on a cross. get over yourselves.
on another note, jesus wasn't hung on a cross. get over yourselves.
actually pfah, upon closer inspection it seems these "gigantic" guidos are the result of the the chick being shopped downward out the bottom of the frame to make them look like they aren't 5'7".
you can see it in the left hem of her skirt.
you can see it in the left hem of her skirt.
kudos Captain Abag! you're exactly right. there's a strip down the middle that has been shifted down.
hilarious.
hilarious.
I'm guessing those same terms apply to someone who opens their e-mails with "Bienvenue"?
Or does the writer reside in French-speaking America Jr.?
Or does the writer reside in French-speaking America Jr.?
# posted by 
: 10:35 AM
: 10:35 AM
What has an I.Q. of 18, has four legs, and can walk around in different directions?
A severed cow.
Oh, and these two guys.
A severed cow.
Oh, and these two guys.
"Hey, Joey, blessed art thou."
"No f*cking sh*t I'm blessed. You trying to tell me I'm not blessed?"
"No, asshole, I just said you were blessed."
"Well f*ck you!"
"No, f*ck YOU! Hey Ma, Vinnie here's trying to tell me I'm not blessed!"
"No f*cking sh*t I'm blessed. You trying to tell me I'm not blessed?"
"No, asshole, I just said you were blessed."
"Well f*ck you!"
"No, f*ck YOU! Hey Ma, Vinnie here's trying to tell me I'm not blessed!"
# posted by : 10:51 AM
: 10:51 AM
a little amy grant, if you will
goomba goomba
bag fills with a potion
ascetic acid oxidized commotion
h2o to ease the gentle flow of
detritus from goose induced emotion
stop with the gestures
goomba you're so fucen bag
yeah you're bag
goomba goomba
the bling is shining for you
and the truck it fell off, won't even miss it
goomba goomba
go walking through sephoras
the bleeths are out wooing you a chorus
preen like a bagling
goomba they're soo glad you're bag
and ever since the day you dapped your hair with 'do
goomba i've realized there's just no cure for poo
goomba goomba
bag fills with a potion
ascetic acid oxidized commotion
h2o to ease the gentle flow of
detritus from goose induced emotion
stop with the gestures
goomba you're so fucen bag
yeah you're bag
goomba goomba
the bling is shining for you
and the truck it fell off, won't even miss it
goomba goomba
go walking through sephoras
the bleeths are out wooing you a chorus
preen like a bagling
goomba they're soo glad you're bag
and ever since the day you dapped your hair with 'do
goomba i've realized there's just no cure for poo
With this last moniker, I hereby retire forever from future obsessive posting to "The Cocktus Plants" thread:
Ziggy Starfish and the Barking Spiders from Mars
There. I left on a classy note.
*fart*
Ziggy Starfish and the Barking Spiders from Mars
There. I left on a classy note.
*fart*
Is it just me or does old girl have some of those wax teeth left over from Halloween in her mouth?
# posted by : 11:01 AM
: 11:01 AM
Yo, Sis, check it out...Ma got me an' Vinnie deez cool little swords on neck chains....Yo Vinnie, let's swordfight!
I prefer the triple p... pompous, pretentious, prick... god I love myself!
are these twin towers of jeebus douche monks? let's hope they bugger each other instead of the perk package that is Consuela
are these twin towers of jeebus douche monks? let's hope they bugger each other instead of the perk package that is Consuela
Oh a semi-serious note this is what distinguishes baghunter from bag, the ability to laugh at yourself.
Baghunters already know this, but I'm hoping someone thinking of posting how we are all haters may notice and shut the hell up, or at least post something moderately coherent.
Baghunters already know this, but I'm hoping someone thinking of posting how we are all haters may notice and shut the hell up, or at least post something moderately coherent.
# posted by : 11:16 AM
: 11:16 AM
I call notta douche. Especially the guy on the left. Jenna just dropped by to give necklaces to her "best buds" because she regularly dates a major "Frat" douche. They obliged by putting on the large jewelry because they still hold out hope for Jenna to stop dating douches. Bruno on the left is a defensive end for the Jets, Rocco on the right is an offensive tackle for the Giants. Both went to school with jenna and she always likes to visit and buy them gifts and talk about her current douche boyfriend, thinking how cool it is to have to guys for friends. The guys on the other hand hold to the Billy Crystal theory (When Harry Met Sally) that guys cant be friends with girls because they have an ulterior motive (come on, be honest).
Besides, dude on the left could be my twin w/o the bling and I just described my 20's dating life prior to meeting Mrs. Dr. DB.
Dr. DB
Besides, dude on the left could be my twin w/o the bling and I just described my 20's dating life prior to meeting Mrs. Dr. DB.
Dr. DB
@ Dr. DB
I'm gonna go ahead and disagree with you here. "Your twin" is coordinated a sleeveless shirt to go with his pants. He plays defensive end, alright, for the 'Bag City Taintscrotes.
I'm gonna go ahead and disagree with you here. "Your twin" is coordinated a sleeveless shirt to go with his pants. He plays defensive end, alright, for the 'Bag City Taintscrotes.
She caught him at the end of a workout. I cannot however be an apologist for Rocco on the right. He is isn't smiling and is wearing a "sweat suit". Jenna should make a man smile, and a man should never wear a sweat suite.
Wow its Friar Tuck (the one from Philly), Vinnie the Douchebag, and a Hot, all in the same photo!
# posted by : 12:09 PM
: 12:09 PM
Well, well, well. It's been awhile. I come back here and it's the same scum leaving comments. Priceless.
I do remember you cats ripping on me pretty well, it's glad to see it's been a few months, and you guys have nothing better to do than continute to support Book Boy. I would have already bought his book, but I'm just waiting for it to hit the 90% off section at Half-Price Books.
Though I hear he has a show now, which I have to admit is pretty cool.
I do remember you cats ripping on me pretty well, it's glad to see it's been a few months, and you guys have nothing better to do than continute to support Book Boy. I would have already bought his book, but I'm just waiting for it to hit the 90% off section at Half-Price Books.
Though I hear he has a show now, which I have to admit is pretty cool.
interesting that SpursDouche first calls us priceless, and then waxes on about the pricing of DB1's book.
at least he can spell correctly.
at least he can spell correctly.
# posted by : 12:45 PM
: 12:45 PM
Crucial Head:
Yeah, I do. Why? Does someone want to take a screen shot of it and then superimpose my face on a street sign that reads "Dildo?"
That made me laugh, I can't lie.
Yeah, I do. Why? Does someone want to take a screen shot of it and then superimpose my face on a street sign that reads "Dildo?"
That made me laugh, I can't lie.
pfah:
Nah, it's me bud. Follow my "name." It's me. You are one of the goons I was talking about. Hope that helps make your day.
Nah, it's me bud. Follow my "name." It's me. You are one of the goons I was talking about. Hope that helps make your day.
@Spurs Fan...no shit? because in the Blogger profile it says you just joined this month, which i found odd.
well, if it is actually you, hello there, and welcome back.
i really don't care if you had me in mind when you left your original message. and my day has already been 'made', thank you.
well, if it is actually you, hello there, and welcome back.
i really don't care if you had me in mind when you left your original message. and my day has already been 'made', thank you.
I call BS on the whole thing - the e-mail, the photo shopped picture, and the guys in general. These two look like they could be in the priesthood or something.
All in all, I vote to not waste time when the communication is clearly intended to mislead in at least one aspect.
Now, do I get a vote?
S&tB
All in all, I vote to not waste time when the communication is clearly intended to mislead in at least one aspect.
Now, do I get a vote?
S&tB
# posted by : 12:57 PM
: 12:57 PM
pfah:
Nah, I just set a different google account up.
I really don't care if you say "Hello there" and "welcome back."
No problem.
Nah, I just set a different google account up.
I really don't care if you say "Hello there" and "welcome back."
No problem.
Those Spurs Fan videos may have been the funniest thing I've ever seen.
And I mean that, sincerely.
Unintentional comedy gets me every time.
And I mean that, sincerely.
Unintentional comedy gets me every time.
wait...who's holding your balls? you? me? i hope it's not me. you holding your balls i can understand though.
because they're probably itchy.
because they're probably itchy.
hmm...
actually, i don't think either one of us could be holding something that obviously isn't there.
try again.
actually, i don't think either one of us could be holding something that obviously isn't there.
try again.
so long as SpursDouche can admit that the Lakers are the dynasty of the oughts, being that they did win more championships than any other team this decade, then I really don't mind his cocksucking antics.
# posted by : 1:14 PM
: 1:14 PM
Did The Dirty finally close up shop and saunter into oblivion to join the ghosts of witless webpages past?
# posted by : 1:21 PM
: 1:21 PM
"shitbags"?
fuck you dickbeak. aren't you the guy who is connected with Nik Ritchie? that's almost as bad as Arthur Kade. only poorer and more hair gel.
yawn.
fuck you dickbeak. aren't you the guy who is connected with Nik Ritchie? that's almost as bad as Arthur Kade. only poorer and more hair gel.
yawn.
pfah:
Nope, no longer connected with that guy. Did my own site based on bashing him and his roaches.
Also, why are you up already up to bat again?
Someone should pinch hit for you.
Nope, no longer connected with that guy. Did my own site based on bashing him and his roaches.
Also, why are you up already up to bat again?
Someone should pinch hit for you.
I looked at that Spurs Fan website. I don’t think HCwDB is the right place for him to attempt siphoning off the regular readers.
As far as I can tell, most of the readers of this page are well educated, employed, and fairly successful in the business world… except for Plinky.
You may want to set your bar a ‘little’ lower. I once visited this site that you will find marvelous, called dresssox.com. Check it out, mingle amongst the locals there, and swap stories about Hooman.
And by ‘stories’, I mean spit.
Good day, sir.
As far as I can tell, most of the readers of this page are well educated, employed, and fairly successful in the business world… except for Plinky.
You may want to set your bar a ‘little’ lower. I once visited this site that you will find marvelous, called dresssox.com. Check it out, mingle amongst the locals there, and swap stories about Hooman.
And by ‘stories’, I mean spit.
Good day, sir.
# posted by : 1:44 PM
: 1:44 PM
Scotinger:
Not trying to. Just don't want to comment on the dirty anymore. So occasionally you will see me over here. What can I say? I like to talk trash.
Go buy a book from Book Boy.
Not trying to. Just don't want to comment on the dirty anymore. So occasionally you will see me over here. What can I say? I like to talk trash.
Go buy a book from Book Boy.
I heard Spurs Fan followed in the footsteps of David Robinson and joined the Navy. I heard he was promoted to Cum Dumpster, First Class on the USS Nimitz.
You guys amuse me.
This site reminds me of an ant pile. I come over here and stomp on it, and you assholes go scurrying around looking for someone to bite.
Hilarious.
This site reminds me of an ant pile. I come over here and stomp on it, and you assholes go scurrying around looking for someone to bite.
Hilarious.
and you remind us of a shit pile.
you come in here, we stomp on you, and then have this horrible stench following us around for a couple days.
you come in here, we stomp on you, and then have this horrible stench following us around for a couple days.
No db1, there's a difference. We tell them to shut the fuck up (as soon as we can get a word in edgewise). We tell you to preach on, brother.
Holy crap, captain abag you're right. That center strip has been shopped down. Could someone do a correction and repost it? What is this world coming to?
Yeah...I kind of felt like an asshole reading this letter. I was thinking, "Is this asshat taking a thinly-velied swipe at DB1?" And then, kablowie, the punchline. Good on ya, Deebs.
This photo is triggering my repressed Catholic traumas again. Mr. White, prepare the basement, it's Convent night!
This photo is triggering my repressed Catholic traumas again. Mr. White, prepare the basement, it's Convent night!
@ SPURS FAN
Do your spurs match your Gaybling Saddles?
Did you blow the sheriff but you didn't bent the deputy?
Have you ever been ravaged in the Wild Wild West at your own behest?
Do you enjoy chewing tobacco and smoking cock?
Is it true you were the first Goatranny in your family's long line of Cowboys?
Are you a fan of the Santa Onion Spurs?
Did you know Texas Taxes AtSex? Thats probably why you ain't getting any.
When your spurs spin does your asshole cling?
Did you come here for your usual spurious accusations?
When you ride Perez do you wear swarovski spurs?
I heard they electrocute retards in Texas. Are you a fugitive?
/SLURS FAN/
Do your spurs match your Gaybling Saddles?
Did you blow the sheriff but you didn't bent the deputy?
Have you ever been ravaged in the Wild Wild West at your own behest?
Do you enjoy chewing tobacco and smoking cock?
Is it true you were the first Goatranny in your family's long line of Cowboys?
Are you a fan of the Santa Onion Spurs?
Did you know Texas Taxes AtSex? Thats probably why you ain't getting any.
When your spurs spin does your asshole cling?
Did you come here for your usual spurious accusations?
When you ride Perez do you wear swarovski spurs?
I heard they electrocute retards in Texas. Are you a fugitive?
/SLURS FAN/
# posted by : 4:49 PM
: 4:49 PM
http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/6251/legit.png
There's the pic with the 'shopping removed.
She's still short, and they are still taller, but they sure aren't the giant guidobags they wish they were.
There's the pic with the 'shopping removed.
She's still short, and they are still taller, but they sure aren't the giant guidobags they wish they were.
@ DarkSock, 10:59 AM
YES!!!
You mastered the whole "Cocktus Plants" phenomenon. And it wasn't simply the sheer amount of material. The TIMING has brought me to tears on several occaisions. Salty, salty tears, not of sorrow, my friend... but of joy.
I am prepared to receive the angry accusations of circle-jerking. Nonetheless I stand by my judgement.
YES!!!
You mastered the whole "Cocktus Plants" phenomenon. And it wasn't simply the sheer amount of material. The TIMING has brought me to tears on several occaisions. Salty, salty tears, not of sorrow, my friend... but of joy.
I am prepared to receive the angry accusations of circle-jerking. Nonetheless I stand by my judgement.
@ Mr. Biggs, 3:05 PM
I can do the surgery on this image and correct it. However, I have no idea how to post it. Whenever I do photoshop modifications, I have to send them to DB1 so HE can post them. I end up feeling like I'm keeping him from more important work.
If someone can teach me how to do create a link, I can have it up in about 15 minutes.
I can do the surgery on this image and correct it. However, I have no idea how to post it. Whenever I do photoshop modifications, I have to send them to DB1 so HE can post them. I end up feeling like I'm keeping him from more important work.
If someone can teach me how to do create a link, I can have it up in about 15 minutes.
Eh, BONES. I hate when I get home late from work and miss the good threads! It's like showing up at a party way too late-- you've miss all the fist fights and all the hot chicks have left for somewhere else. The only food left is whatever remains on the vegetable tray... usually a few hairy, wilted carrots.
There's a frownie emoticon in my heart right now.
There's a frownie emoticon in my heart right now.
imagine that girl getting into a orgy with those two douchebags. one in the pink and one in the stink
# posted by : 8:29 PM
: 8:29 PM
Some people are still showing up for Truman Capote's famous Black and White Ball.
Others have vitiligo and come by black and white balls naturally.
And when the Vatican opened its own workout studio, it didn't take long for a vestal virgin to lend support to the men in black
Others have vitiligo and come by black and white balls naturally.
And when the Vatican opened its own workout studio, it didn't take long for a vestal virgin to lend support to the men in black
# posted by : 10:34 PM
: 10:34 PM
honestly i was never able to impress a hott with "intellectual superiority."
oh and also, someone once told me all i had to do to get laid is tell ANY chick i can find that i'm a virgin and she'll do me.
where ARE these chicks? women that will be impressed with "intellectual superiority" or women who value virginity?
meh. lies.
oh and also, someone once told me all i had to do to get laid is tell ANY chick i can find that i'm a virgin and she'll do me.
where ARE these chicks? women that will be impressed with "intellectual superiority" or women who value virginity?
meh. lies.
that guy on the right...I think that may be the ghost of Pumpy...
...oh wait that girl was definitely moved down with some beginner photoshop skills to make the guys look bigger. just kidding
...oh wait that girl was definitely moved down with some beginner photoshop skills to make the guys look bigger. just kidding
@ DarkSock
I can't help it, I love it! I think I'm having such a good time with your band names because it's reminding me of sweet, wasted days of youth. When I was in 8th grade social studies, my best friend sat in the desk right behind me. He and I were constantly busted for disrupting the class, usually because I couldn't hold the laugh in. And as desperately as I tried to conceal it, I'd eventually crack and it was all over. Many trips to the principal's office for the pair of us.
That's what this is reminding me of; you sneak it in when "nobody's looking" and it's like I'm in 8th grade all over again.
And considering my now-42-year-old body is half-broken from drywalling all week, that's not such a bad thing.
I can't help it, I love it! I think I'm having such a good time with your band names because it's reminding me of sweet, wasted days of youth. When I was in 8th grade social studies, my best friend sat in the desk right behind me. He and I were constantly busted for disrupting the class, usually because I couldn't hold the laugh in. And as desperately as I tried to conceal it, I'd eventually crack and it was all over. Many trips to the principal's office for the pair of us.
That's what this is reminding me of; you sneak it in when "nobody's looking" and it's like I'm in 8th grade all over again.
And considering my now-42-year-old body is half-broken from drywalling all week, that's not such a bad thing.
@ Reader Mike and DarkSock.....
So what, are you guys saying we need a link to the Cocktus Plants post? Just so we can all access that thread?
Heh heh.....
So what, are you guys saying we need a link to the Cocktus Plants post? Just so we can all access that thread?
Heh heh.....
Incidentially, these aren't douchebags.
They are Scroticrucians.
"The term Scroticrucian (symbol: the rhinestone studded Scrote Cross) describes a secret society of mystics, allegedly formed in late 1970s New Jersey, holding a doctrine "built on escroteric truths of the ancient motorhead greaser", which, "concealed from the average man, provide insight into the nature of the Douchal universe and the scrotereal realm. "
--VS
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They are Scroticrucians.
"The term Scroticrucian (symbol: the rhinestone studded Scrote Cross) describes a secret society of mystics, allegedly formed in late 1970s New Jersey, holding a doctrine "built on escroteric truths of the ancient motorhead greaser", which, "concealed from the average man, provide insight into the nature of the Douchal universe and the scrotereal realm. "
--VS
# posted by : 6:01 PM
: 6:01 PM << Home
