If I had to wish on this star I'd wish Id never seen this star
 

Wait I would change that to I wish this guy would go to prison that way he could be punished in a shower room for having such a lame tatoo
 

His mother had a foetal malfunction
 

This picture takes on a whole new meaning if that's an exit wound.
 

Must...obey...giant neon sign....
 

"Hook 'em" - I think that means hook both of his nips to a trailer hitch and take the 'wank for a ride.

And before anyone tries giving him anything resembling a pass, remember that his pants are hanging low, his hat is on backward, he's making a hand sign, and has his tongue out.....all in the presence of ladies.

He's a Stage-2 fratbag, most likely.
 

The stars at night, are big and bright,

*clap* *clap* *clap* *clap*

Deep in the heart of Doucheland!
 

But if he's a 'Horns fan.....maybe he's also a.....Spurs fan?
 

Speaking of Jack Handey:

“Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's nipple, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.”
 

For any of you out there who may have been wondering…

It would be safe to assume that I would meticulously pile-drive a fanny-pack filled with pureed Panda nipples into a newborn dolphin’s blowhole before slinging the stuffed dolphin over my shoulders as a cape to complete my Hamburglar ensemble, before embarking on a cross-country rollerblade journey to this very Bar N’ Gill - home of the very chair that’s currently home to this brunette with the pink top…

… if it meant I could refinish the seat of that solid oak chair, using only my tonsils and a bucket of gerbil goiters.
 

Or, I’ll just continue to fill my toilet with the unfertilized seed of my loins. With the bathroom door locked; the fan on; and my shameful handprint fully ensconced in high-relief above the throne.

Mmmmkay. That may be a little case of TMI; but WTF… OMG… LOL… TGIF… OK… STFU…
 

Adorable hottlets.
 

I would trade any amount of kittens, ponies and a chance to see the magical fourth orifice that only Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox possess for 23 minutes with this guy and a ball peen hammer. OK, the kittens are dead and the ponies are scared but it's still a good deal.

P.S. Here's hoping he's an out of state student.
 

hook'em horns... right through the spleen!
 

Todd bellowed triumphantly as he showed off his successful asshole relocation surgery to the confused girls in the cafeteria.
 

And at the exact moment the flash went off, the Chair Fucker sprang into action.
 

@ JCVD
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA fucking WIN.

Star on the chest...oh, how I wish, I wish I Shot The Sherriff.
 

...and might I add, hitting the "refresh" button on my browser window never resulted in such extreme pain. Three-finger taint-punch to this guy, should I ever find myself in the same Lone Star Steakhouse.
 

I don't think that's a neon sign. I think that's God writing on the wall, telling us how to protect ourselves.
 

If you use a shotgun is it still a nurple?
 

I love the neon sign on the bar.. bit redundant isn't it? Oah and to the lovely brunette on the left in the blue and white dress, lose the fratchoads and come to CA!
 

When did Cracker Barrel start serving booze?
 

That flaring nipple is like the eye of Sauron gazing into the depths of my soul... I feel like I need to wash now...
 

I'm just sad that this poor guy can't legally marry his boyfriend (who paid for this nipple tat) in Texas. This cum-guzzling homo deserves the same right to get married as the hotts in the pic.
 

I'd rather see their nipples.
 

Steers and queers, baby. Steers and queers.
 

i'm going out on a limb and say the meat between pleasingly plump and "cool mom" sandwich is today's special. man are they gonna be pissed when they realize the bus boy "that guy'd" their bonding moment.
plumper and scrote are open mouth.
mom and meat are closed mouthed, to break the tie, we go to the waitress who is clearly holding a fart in until she can walk around. so closed wins a split decision if you will...the waitress is clearly a seasoned server holding the fart til you are circulating for maximum deniablility is a vet move, but it does suggest the chili is good.
 

He did the star himself using a sharpie and a cattle prod.
 

and speaking of crappy tatts, watch this

and then look at this

and then weep for the stupidity of the human race. If you have already seen this, then either you are made of stronger stuff, or are simply too lazy to kill yourself.
 

@ Troy 6:27 pm

I watched the video. And I laughed and laughed and laughed, because it's really true.

Then I clicked on the second link. And I cried and cried and cried, because it's really true.

I won't kill myself at work, I'll have some respect for everyone here and I'll do it when I get home.
 

Meanwhile as Alice the waitress makes change at the bar, she mumbles to herself, "I wish these fucking asshats would stop clowning around and leave so I can turn the table. Fucking shit."
 

He may be a Texas fan, but Texas is not a fan of him.

Gaijindouche in Fort Worth.
 

baleen in Houston.
 

Crucial Head in LA...




...errr...
 

Hahahaha Crucial.
 

It's amazing where the hairy eyeball shows up these days.

Oh, wait a minute, that's an anal opening.

Never mind.
 

Oh my god...i've been to this bar. It's in Vegas...just can't remember what it is because...well...i was in vegas...but I remember it because i sat at that exact table...in the same chair as the hotts.

Thank god the texas douche was not there at the time!!!

Or more likely it is just some chain place where all of their establishments look exactly the same...and so do the douches.
 

Steve L in Vancouver...

... marijuana.
 

BillDouchiest in Houston.

No offense to my Longhorn friends, but has anyone noticed that UT t-shirts are mostly worn by those who never attended the school?
 

@troy

that is hysterical. and i think the actor who played the guy getting the tattoo knows or knew one of my ex-roommates...imagine that exact conversation, pretty much every day taking place about everything. either that or that kind of numbnut is everywhere. scariest part, guy graduated from a well known college with a degree in literature. one day he asked me what this word meant "high? hyper? hyper-bowl" without looking i said hyperbole, hy per bo le, and gave him a definition and examples. i wish that story was an example. i proceded to rail on his schooling vs mine(an ongoing line of discussion) and his explanation of why he could consider himself educated in lit without knowing hyperbole sounded something like that.
 

@euripidouche-

dude - the guy the actor was portraying is a classic standard type of American retard. I've known plenty of people like that as well. They are all the same, and all of them are dumb as a sack of hammers.

What I find more disturbing is the picture that I linked to - *someone went out and had it done* because they saw it on TV and thought it was cool.

Now THAT is frightening.

If some stupid drunken fuckhead shows up at a tattoo parlour and says "I want Bowser with sunglasses, winking and playing a doubleneck guitar while surfing in front of a pot leaf and a cross with 'Happy Birthday Rick' above it all" you'd have to think the guy was a complete and utter moron, BUT - at least he came up with the idea, as nonsensical and idiotic as it is.

But to see it on TV, and then have tiny microwatt light go off in some vagrant brain cell and think "wow - that's cool - I want a tattoo like THAT" and then consider that the coolness factor comes from the fact that the only people who will understand this tattoo are the people who have seen this particular sketch comedy, well... that's a really depraved and depressing state of mind that makes the gruntings of some musclebound douchebag seem like the paramount enlightenment of a boddhisatva in comparison.

In terms of ignorance, I've dealt with songwriters who have never heard of Cole Porter or listened to Leonard Cohen, architects who don't understand the notion of "human scale", film makers who have never watched a film by Ford, Bresson, Capra, Tarkovsky, Bunuel, Marker, or Godard, electronic musicians who have never listened to Wendy Carlos, K. Stockhausen, John Cage, zoviet*france, or even Kraftwerk. I've dealt with script writers who don't know who Joseph Campbell is or what he wrote.

So, dude - some lit major who can't wrap his tiny pickled head around "hyperbole" comes as NO surprise.
 

Forget about the douche, what about the sign above the bar - are the clientele so thick they cant figure out where they get the drinks from?
 

Oh, I know this place. It's a mall with nothing but theme bars. This one, as you can see, is themed around binge drinking.

He just came from the bar next door; his bar's sign says "BUTTFUCK".
 

DIE! Douche.
 

I didn't see any star tats on the nipples of any of those chix. WTF am I missing?
 

Why does my PDQ Bach album say "Walter Carlos" :)
 

@troy i bricked on the tatt, actually i looked at it first, ruining an even funnier scenario...but yeah idiots are everywhere, its hard to justify my having gone to college when i have a buddy of mine who never went telling me his boss w/masters in gerontology showing people in a nursing home "something about mary" as the weekly and presumably anticipated movie activity...
 

Oh Fuck you DB1 for showing me this. I have truly lost all remaining respect for what was humanity. This is the lamest shit EVER. What next? Dude's walking around with tramp stamps??? Fuck. Will someone please put this bag out of his misery. Damn it ALL.
 

Please tell me this a-hole isn't actually from Texas. Here I was thinking the species Homo Douchebagus was confined to New Jersey and surrounding areas. *shakes head*