Hah! The old woman likes it "mild."
 

Ha. Classic.
 

Yup, the gator's the leading douche now...
 

I'll bet she needs extra cleansing...70's trollop with flapjack tits, a Farrah butt-cut and a nostril-flaring Ron Jeremy post-coitus reek eating holes through her skirt like mayonnaise sex moths...
 

Great Sunday morning. I wake up, hear that Billy Mays is dead. On the surface no big deal, but that means Vince (you'll love my nuts) is now going to be ubiquitous. Who can wait?

Then I get a picture of Gator in full Bag glory....it's like a double kick to the groin. Thanks.
 

its a shame, billy mays could have oxycuted her cooch crud with its deep penetrating clean...if only billy mays had been around in the heydey of smelly pussy.
 

Dammit DarkSock. Once again you make me laugh hysterically and leave me speechless. I don't know what to say after such wonderful imagery.
 

Billy mays was 50. He was around.
 

yeah but back in the 70s billy mays was doing coke of mr whipple and the maytag repairman's asses and soaking his nutsack in palmolive
 

hehehe, I think he was boning his wife, I guess they knew each other since they were 15 or some damn thing.

If I was famous, I'd be scared shitless about now.
 

Booooooooooobs!
 

Holy crap, what's the body count for the last 14 days now? Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays.....

....Are they taking requests? 'Cause I nominate Oprah, Gwen Stefani, The Jonas Brothers, Miley Montana or whatever the hell her name is, fuck it, throw her dad in there too, Rosie O'Donnell, Tom Cruise...I'd best stop there, I don't have all night.
 

RE Douches: Rick Ducummon did a bit about douching once. The punchline: "Gives new meaning to the phrase "she's a little tart", doesn't it?"
 

She likes extra cleansing cuz jizz is extra hard to wash away.
 

So my mom bugs me about finding that special woman and settling down. I show her this pic, to show her what I'm competing against, and she says with all sincerity, "You're losing against angry GAY guys?".
 

Take it from me, the next time you hear the DJ at a gentleman’s club announce:

And taking the center stage, please give a warm welcome to our newest act; Miss Tanya TucksHer and her signature move - The Mayonnaise Sex Moth.

Trust me lads n’ lasses; you hear those words, you HEAD FOR ZE HILLZ!



Or…





You can sit through the show, as I've done, with an embarrassingly obvious pair of tented trousers, and a creeping stain at the summit, while sobbing simultaneous tears of shame and pleasure.
 

No suprise u guys hate on the guy with big muscles and hot woman. You fags are prolly all fat virgins. Working out isnt bad ya know its healthy maybe u should do it sumtime u fuckin fags and get some womans
 

Please spell it right, DB1, in your headline.

MASSENGILL
 

CADMAN, you're letting your illiterate troll slip while posting under your name. I told you to get a Blogger account, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....
 

@3:34pm

You should spell your name right next time... it's Spooge Chugger.
 

Oh, Jesus H. Christus, I thought you were gonna link us to BILLY MAYS, who died today, and then you give us GayGator????
 

@ Anon 2:41

Who is your mom, and why is she not my friend? That is THE awesomest thing I have heard of anyone's mom saying, EVER. Mom win! I think I'm gonna show the Gator pic to my mom to get her off my poor brother's back. 'Cause a quiet, shy mechanic simply can't compete with angry gay guys.
 

Yeah, all that pH-correct douche for all the clean wives who just can't stand being jizzed up with sticky, smelly cum dribbling out from the night before, because he wouldn't use a condom.

Face it guys. It's YOUR fault.
 

Yeah, but Gator's just "angry gay." We're all "fuccen dead gay."

There might be something to that.
 

This just in, I just learned Shamwow douche uses large amounts of his income to fight Scientology.

I just granted him a pass, it's up to you if you want to do the same, but I retract my previous hatred for the douche.
 

i just want to tell Anon 2:41 PM that if your mom gets actively involved in your settling down process, it's going to get embarrassing. i've been there.

that being said, keep the awesome mom-ish one liners coming.
 

@Gaijindouche, 4:26 p.m. -

While tempting, I'm still going to just "wait and see" with that. After all, Scientologists could decide that they think fauxhawks are against Xenu's teachings, and then we're back to square one.

Better to let douche-on-douche crime whittle down the choad population on its own - that could very well be the best way to eliminate the Greico virus should long distance mocking not suffice.
 

Gaijindouche: Wow. That's awesome - I've never heard of anyone raising money to fight religion. That's a great fucking idea.
 

And Abe Vigoda is still kickin'

-Douche Bauer
 

i'd do both the massengill chick and her milf if they promised to douche with pb blaster and brake cleaner.
 

Tom Cruise seconded, and he can take all his weirdo cultpals with him.
 

@Anon 2:41

Please tell your Mom we love her.

@Cadman

The saddest thing of all is some are obvious people taking advantage of your lack of an account to post under your name, but some come close enough...

I mean at this point a literate well thought out post would be more out of place from the Cadman name.
 

Darksock FTW... Love it man.
 

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
 

@medusa

I agree with most of your list, with one exception: I'd like to save Miley Cyrus. Why, you ask? Because it is a near mathematical certainly that she will have some kind of sex-tape scandal in the near future, and the SALTY FUCEN TEARS she cries on her downfall will be too delicious.
 

@Mr. White,

Wow, I feel really dirty now for hoping that some teenager eventually makes a porn and lives to regret it in full blown media whore style. Yeah, I'm totally going to the VIP section of hell, and you're all coming with me.

But what will be even better? The flood of crocodile tears that escapes her father when he realizes his cash cow has finally been maxed out. Get your life preservers ready folks. Serves him right for whoring out his child like that. Its inevitable, we have seen it happen with just about all child stars.
 

@Ashfish
And after the Disney Chick does her, hopefully of age crash and burn, someone needs to sit her father down on national television, remind him that he let his 15 year old date a guy in his twenties (fuck, that's why I thought that's why the founding FATHERS invented the second amendment), and allow him to explain himself in between smacks upside the head with a piece of rebar.
 

@Anonymous 11:24

I would say that's a good idea...except I, ahem, dated some 20-somethings while I was 16-17. Then again, I didn't have a dad around so maybe that was the issue.
 

ayo, why u aint post that new ish???!
 

E-Blo has nuthin' on the vacuous stare of Gator
 

@ ash, we all make mistakes, you can't regret them without regretting the perspective they lent you. that said i regret not having tried with girls who were at the time literally only a couple of years younger. sadly i came to have no standards later in life...
i would guess that with full wisdom one can conclude that such couplings are less than optimal. the girl thinks she is being more grown up by dating older, but the fact that he is dating younger negates the possibility of maturity,normal development all those things she is seeking...
i guess in the end, if he gets his yayas and she gets her game experience in slightly nicer circumstances than a teen boy's bedroom while mom is taking grandma to bingo, who can say its not a fair exchange.

as far as miley montana goes, what are the chances she wouldn't be screwed up anyway? is disneyfied fame really the culprit, or could their be a special gene that attracts attention to oneself for little to no just reason? could it be possible that the money the fame, gives her more than it takes..most people don't get to bitch to barbara walters about how everyone else screwed their life, not them, and have millions actually inexplicably feel some sympathy.
besides clueless chick in porn is better than poor clueless chick in porn
 

@euripidouche

Well said. As a side note, I'm still giggling over "The Newark Dolls" down in the Cocktus Plants thread. Well played.
 

Puraclean = bleach
 

Puraclean = Orange Glo
 

@ Mr. White 8:51

you know what was the best part about your comment? The mental picture I have of the sinister, shit-eating grin on your face as you were typing. Sent chills down my unfeeling aluminum spine, seriously. The only thing more awesome than gloating about someone's horrible public downfall, is speculating about it, then gloating.

@ Ash
Hooray for daddy issues! I blame my father for my first marriage. Well, that and a lot of drugs and alcohol, but I can sure see the Electra complex at work. I try to stay the hell away from Dear ole Dad these days so I don't fuck up like that again. Once I'm settled down with someone nice I'll give pop a call....

As for Miley Cyrus, given that she's 16, known to millions, and taking shower pic on her cell phone and banging 25 year old men, porn ain't so farfetched or far off. Look at the child stars who AREN'T all screwed up. Think about it for a few hours, you might be able to come up with one or two.... I'm still trying to think of any....
 

Thanks for the kick in the head (pic of Gator). I think I'll go upstairs and clean my guns. I'll try not to plink at mourning doves on the fence with my SKS.
 

@Medusa

Yeah, when I was 16 my dad sent me a birthday card that had "When you figure out you need me give me a call" written in it. I haven't talked to him since. Yay daddy issues! I'm planning on sending him a wedding announcement when I find someone of husband material, only to write on it that he's not invited and there is no way in hell he's walking me down the aisle.

Dads here, take a note from us, do not fuck up your daughters. There really is no replacing that relationship and once it's gone it is so hard to get back.

@euripidouche

Very true. I did learn a lot, sometimes my friends have to bash those lessons back over my head but it eventually gets back through.