Fitness model hott is getting me all excited. Is there more of her?
 

bag
 

I've got a cheeseburger for her...
 

This guy has a guido-vibe about him which should automatically disqualify him for Nottabag status. He can have a green star for no hand gestures, however: STILLADOUCHE
 

Watch size - instant disqualification for notadouche, no?
 

David Duchovny's simpleton cousin who gets girls by telling them he's David Duchovny's cousin.

"The truth is in my pants!"
 

post a different pic and I guarantee the answer will become crystal clear.
 

Hey brunette hott in the purple bikini! I told you that you had a beautiful body, now would you please hold it against me?

Thanks in advance.



Oh, and Spike isn't much more than a Stage-2 choad, but that watch can draw radio waves from, ohhhhh, around Alpha Centauri.
 

eat a cheeseburger? she's gorgeous and perfect how she is
 

Jersey trash. This picture was taken just before the afternoon Anal session. Sonya still limps
 

Her thigh tattoo works a blight upon the temple of her body, desicrating it in a manner similar to:

a) Constructing a subway station beneath the Great Pyramids at Giza;

b) A Sharpie moustache on the Mona Lisa;

c) Sanctioning BASE jumping from the Statue of Liberty;

d) all of the above.
 

* desecrating *
 

Sonya's just fine as she is. OK, maybe a delousing is in order after being this close to this choad monkey. I'd try my best to remove her hip-tattoo with my tongue. "It can't be done" you may say, but I counter, sir, with "Oh yeah? Watch me!" (om nom nom). It might take decades, but I obviously have nothing better to do.

Him ... how on earth did this waver towards "notadouche"? Anyone who spends that much time doing crunches and nair'ing his chest qualifies for the instant douchestamp of shame: A scarlet "D" carved into his forehead by a pairing knife. Spikes and hand gestures be damned, this guy makes me want to kick a homeless kid.
 

She doesn't need a cheeseburger. Now Polish sausage on the other hand...
 

These two are tensing thier stomach muscles so hard, there was a small pile of excrement left on the living room floor after this pic was taken.
 

i was seriously spooked for a second there, DB1.
 

he has plenty in common with Massengill
 

she has plenty in common with my lewd fantasies
 

Douche or not he's got decent taste in hott
 

$10 says that Sonya is 40. i've seen 36 year old ladies that look younger and hotter than Sonya. but if you're an older woman, you WILL have those lines next to your lips when you smile / grin.

now, being 40 is perfectly okay, especially when you have killer boobs and a killer body. but it does mean that Sonya definitely slept her way up the corporate ladder of her insurance sales company from the age of 20-37 so that she can finally buy herself a big house and NOT have to sleep with fat old corporate bigwigs.

so you see, the moral of the story is...

...

i'll find out after i jizz at least 3 times into Sonya - without a condom. this is just baghunting codespeak for "FUCK THE MORAL OF THE STORY."
 

Sunglasses indoors qualifies him in my opinion, especially when he is facing away from the window through which the sun is shining.
 

I'll say nottadouche. I'm thinking lawyer and wife. This looks like a 40 something couple who are fitness buffs. Althought their bodies are great, there are facial giveaways. We should all hope to look this good when we hit our 40s. I'd say a pass.
 

Yeah, there's no such thing as minimal hair-spike.

And the Scrote Aura is indeed strong with this one. Huge douche, even if that is just his sister, Monique.

Hey, if I was her I'd be feeling my butt too.

AV
 

There once was a big nosed scrote wank
Who’s shaved chest and goggles didst stank
But brunette’s fine curves
My meat they deserve
After making the douche walk the plank.
 

Thats his sister dood....
 

Whoa there DB1, you almost had me there...I was ready to light you up like Griswald's house at Xmas time, but you were putting me on...good on ya!
 

my neighbor who invited herself over for P&V Saturday and i told my name was Arthur Kade was named Sonya...unless she lied too.

i WISH she looked like this Sonya.

Army of DOuche-ness
 

This guy is Vince DelMonte (fitness trainer). Nice guy but he sometimes dresses on the douchy side.

I almost submitted a picture of him with some hotties but out of respect to his fitness program I didn't (I use it). Below is a link to his fitness blog.

http://www.vincedelmontefitness.com/blog/
 

Somebody should strap a road flare to the side of the 5 gallon propane tank, then ignite the flare and ask the bag to hold it as he does sit ups on the kitchen counter.
 

The kid likes boobs...
 

The helicopter from MASH wants its windsheild back, Vinny. Take off your "glasses" and give them back to Hawkeye please.
 

@massengill, 2:08 p.m. -

Lifetime pass for that baby boy!
 

Samurai Scrote? Is that you?
 

My apologies if it's already been said, but IMO what makes him douchey is the lack of a genuine smile on his face. Instead, we're treated to a disinterested, "I'm better than thou" expression. He's got a better life than many people in this economy, and he's got the nerve to act like this. Pompous, golf-shorts-wearing prick. Youth is definitely wasted on the young.
 

Tony read in his bag manual "that to accentuate the abdominal muscle, one must were his pants approximately 5.75 inches below the waist as to elongate the body and take the viewers eyes off of the natural male love handles that even the most fit athletes will have". Also he read "never at any cost, should an official bag exercise his legs, because puny legs will make the upper body appear even bigger".

And once again, the Doctors statistical analysis of stature relative to scrotitude is currently in the works and will be published at a later time.

Dr. DB
 

Douche, for sure. Those sunglasses alone earn him the Scrote title.

I demand you withdraw the comment about my beloved (pictured above) needing to eat a sandwich. A perfect, trim, ripped abdomen is in need of extra sandwiches only if they're not situated about lush, curvy, awesome hips. Which they are, in this case. She's not malnourished, she's just Hott.
 

Good God, do people really shave their abs?
 

@Anon 2:22: Could be Samurai Scrote's younger brother Vinny.

As far as Sonya eating a cheeseburger, looks like she could do it in one bite.

I didn't know Penny Marshall had such a hot daughter.

Unless Sonya is Penny Marshall after some really artful surgery.
 

Sunglasses indoors? Douche-tacular.

Yes, he's in awesome shape. You know what I'd like to see? A guy with just a good build, with all the hair still on his body. And with hair on his head that hasn't had more done to it than a comb run through it, maybe a smidge of something to keep it from getting poofy. And a sensible, low-key timepiece. And some plain ol' shorts instead of $1500 uppity golf shorts from Assholemart(tm). Now that's what I'm talkin' about. Perhaps it's my revulsion to Douche, but these days I'm finding "average" to be a huge turn-on.
 

Let's see:

Shaved chest
Stenciled abs
Sunglasses indoors
Oversized watch

Now him:

Add the peek at his BVDs DESPITE a friggin' belt! I mean, what the fuck? Isn't a belt supposed to hold your pants UP?

Reminds me of scene last Friday night. My wife and I spent a week at this Mexican resort, well known for weddings. The "groomsmen" come sauntering by us as we're walking to the French restaurant. They're wearing matching pants, sandals, and those guayabera shirts. All except one kid who was probably 17. Shirt undone, pants hanging down so I could see his red bikini undies, sneer on his face.

As we walked by the six of them I snarled, "Pull up your pants, douchebag" in my best Marine bark.

Up the pants came as he stopped, pulled upward, and he started to button his shirt. One of the others said, "bro, you looked like a choad!"

So, long and short of it was, "Yeah, the guys a huge douche."
 

I gotta say, she is delicious. Lets not hate on the fitness hot that trade in those lovely beer handles for those fun little racing stripes that you can follow with your tongue.

He...sucks.
 

This just in: Elderly man beats the fuck out of Chavvy Douchenozzle after home invasion.
 

even without the hand gestures, this guy is exhibiting strong signs of a stage 2 grieco infection. diagnosis: bag / nottahott
 

Kumar get Sonya to White Castle!
 

@ Harold: Ahhahahahaha!!!
 

Sonya is sucking her gut in so hard her appendix popped out her butt. she's not fondling that sweet can, she's trying to tuck that organ back in.

Jody, putz notta douche
 

@Medusa:

Excellent work. The geezer got to pound a douchebag. It must have been scary for him, but damn - he did a right good job.

That twatwaffle is going to have 'Lots Of Fun" with his new roommate, Barry the Butt Bandit.
 

And Sonya is freakin' hotttttt.
 

He's the biggest 5'6" douchebag I've ever seen.
 

@medussa

That's priceless. A DB getting the s*t kicked out of him.
 

@ Moedouche

By a 72-year old man, natch. Proof once again that these guys are tardsicles of the lowest order.
 

Bet that hurts like a bitch with his lip all swollen up and that goddamned fishhook piercing crap in it. HAH!
 

I think it is safe to say that the Great Hott Drought of '09 that some of the anons were bitching about is over.
 

Not only is this douchebag a DB, but I wonder if the douche virus has sucked the supple flesh from the hott?

Is she just holding her breath until the pic has been taken?
 

Here is the problem with this picture: it should be a picture of just hardwood floors with a pool somewhat visible through the sliding glass doors in the mid-afternoon glare.

BeCause, really, if this were my house, or your house, wouldn't you or I be in a more comfortable room with a fragrant faceful of Sonya?

--VS
 

The needle leans toward house-in-the-hamptons douche here. Even setting aside the slippery shorts for a moment, there a strong hint of a douchey smirk developing across his face. The guy's not a full-on DB, but a minor yet still irritating variant of such.

As for her... she's got the garish tattoo that he's missing, as well as an oddly fun house-mirror sort of stomach below her ribcage. Despite these oddities, I'd still place her in the hott category.

And despite all this, it wouldn't entirely shock me if they were siblings. A case could be made. There's really no side-by-side contact at all below the shoulder blades. If that's his trophy hott, it would seem more skin on skin would be happening here.

- Oucheday Agbay
 

I just remembered: I need to beat my sausage Polaris like the dog that just pulled the Thanksgiving turkey off the table...
 

half guid half boardshort unique putz bag. All bag all hit worthy. His arm is barely even touching her shoulders. Her thigh tatt has to go though
 

Its awesome how the classics always make a comeback...the Groucho glasses and huge honker have been made for the new douchy times...ahh, what a fuckin cut-up this guy is.
 

shaved chest = total bag, unless you're an olympic swimmer.
 

Big glasses, big watch, spiked hair.

Douche.

Meanwhile Sarah Shahi hott is sunshine on a cloudy day.
 

The watch, the shaved chest... maybe. But that belt?

DOUCHE


Sonya?

Smoking body, questionable face. I say nottahott. Take that welders shield off and prove me right, sweetie.
 

@ Darksock 7:46

You mean one of the Bumpus hounds?

Oh, wait, that was Christmas day.
 

What's the next evolution in douche grooming? Let's all advocate nailclippers .
 

I would like to press his face into a smoking hot cast iron skillet and then I would like to press my face into her smoking hot meat taco.
 

I draw bodies. These two have long torsos, and hers is the proper hour-glass shape of a primo Hott with nice round hips curving into round thighs, and a nice set of boobies contrasting with her willow-thin waist. That purple is a dynamic hue. Matches the purple tatt. Compulsive.

They COULD be siblings. or maybe not. I'll say NOTT.

I can't tell if he's a total douche unless I see him in motion. His shorts are rather square, no Ed Hardy or clingy briefs there. But those undershorts peeking over the plaid? Barfy. Spikey hair? Pukey. And some men, well, they just don't have body hair and needn't shave what they are lacking.

God, I'm sick of seeing spikey hair, even our local congressman has it now. I'm sending him a lawn-mower brochure to remind him to do something with those overgrown head-weeds.
 

Your site is surely great and funny and this guy is very likely a horrible individual. But as a professional, I do feel compelled to give my opinion on "Sonya" here and the idea that she "needs to eat a cheeseburger." You couldn't be more wrong. Do you know what the divorce rate in America is? Neither do I, but it's something like 50%. And do you know why it's so high? Lack of communication? Wandering eyes? No, none of these. The divorce rate is so high because so many women get FAT. That's right. You slip a ring on them and you have to unscrew it off with a bucket of grease and an Allen wrench. Notice Sonya's body structure. Sure, she looks good now, but those thighs have too much hourglass rebound energy inside of them. Meaning, it only fills out from here, and those thighs are going to turn into bronzed watermelons by next Spring. She has a high waist which means her tits will be belted in five years. why do you think she's wearing the sunglasses? Because she's embarrassed. Most guys wuld see the small waist and think ALRIGHT! But not so fast, Chuckie! That's one huge hourglass she's dropping. Get her stomach banded now and get her on a 3-hour a day cardio routine and 1 hour a day moderate weight program ASAP.And don't let her have anything besides rice cakes until she proves she has her thundering thighs well-grounded, because lightning is going to srike, my friends. It always does. Be weary of any delayed bleething. Left to her own devices in this house, Sonya will gain 30 lbs a year until she;s about 360. And then what'll you do? It'll cosat half your damn money to make her gio away. Turn that gun on yourself, good buddy. And leave everything to your dog, the one true friend you'll ever have...
 

@Peter,

Inspired rant. Very nice.

Only criticism: reintroduce the [Enter] button to demarcate paragraphs. It would make our job, as readers, much easier.

I don’t intend to be a pain in the ass… it’s just in my nature 
 

It's Samurai Scrote's brother!

The scrote is strong with this one.

Too strong for d/notta-g paradigm.
 

Nice hard wood floor faggot!!!
 

and he's flexing his thorax area. AND rotating his right-hand deltoid back slightly to increase the pec-spread.

I know because I used to do this.
Help.
 

Brother and Sister?
 

he is a minor bag.

most remarkable is her bored out head to handle the big pistons...bore and stroke bore and stroke.
 

No doubt the guy is a bag of the highest order. He probably drives and F350 with a 10 inch lift. In traffic he appears to be a weeble bobbing around in a battery powered Barbie Escalade.

She on the other hand is missing some ribs. I also believe she was a stand in stunt double for a Gelfling in The Dark Crystal.
 

douchebag

have to be brother and sister...they have the same nose (his is just bigger)
 

siblings.

@ PETER: ahahahahahahahahahahah. however, this girl is fit. and while she may not be fitness model fit i think her body wants for nothing, and as of this moment, i'd hit that.
 

@ Peter 11:05

Holy shit! *shoving candy wrappers into the drawer and wiping my mouth on my sleeve* BWAAAHAHAHAAA That was awesome. Bravo, my friend, and right you are.

However, I can say this from looking at her: She's way too vain to let that happen at the sickening level we see nowadays. And I'm in the midwest, trust me. This is cow country, and I'm not talkin' dairy farm.

Tattoo on the hip says she wants to be naughty but only when she's good and ready and no one but hubby is looking. Bikini and oversize shades say she still wants to act like she's 21, but the haircut says she wants everyone at the office to take her seriously. The abs say she's scared as fuck that he really is banging the barista at the gym juice bar. Diagnosis? Desperately concerned with the presentation.

Nah, I'd say this one isn't going down without a fight, she won't grow old gracefully, and good on her. Cardio all the way to her grave. So when he DOES leave her for the juice bar barista, she'll hook up with a much richer, much older sophisticate, to whom she will be a young piece of ass, and he'll have a house with real teak floors, not that cheap laminate crap. The revenge part of the vanity is the most important component, the ones who stay good looking into middle age are only doing it for security and possible later revenge.

Signed,

Medusa Oblongata,
115 lb divorcee who is enjoying the smiling revenge with the new guy very much.
 

P.S.

He was pushing 390lbs when I left, I had to give him 70% of my money and my house to make him go away. It does go both ways on occasion.
 

she shouldn't eat a cheeseburger at all. suckle thigh FTW.

That sayign, die candy ass douche die.
 

@Peter 11:05

I've had many laughs reading through the comment threads, but yours is by far the most recent. Thanks!
 

Excellent color commentary, MO.
 

Thanks Baron. Bitterness and cynicism is apparently what I have in place of real intelligence and observational skills, I'm discovering. Bummer.
 

@ BillDouchiest the Wild Swine

"...As we walked by the six of them I snarled, 'Pull up your pants, douchebag' in my best Marine bark.

Up the pants came as he stopped, pulled upward, and he started to button his shirt. One of the others said, 'bro, you looked like a choad!'"

It takes a special level of caring to counsel wayward youth. You are to be commended, good sir.

Most of us would have punched him in the 'nads, THEN told him to pull up his pants. Your self-restraint is admirable.

B-B-B-Bag TO The Bone
 

I have kids of my own. Must set an example.