OMFG... can you slip this tool in for the weekly?
 

WTF - he should be the cover boy of DOUCHE WEEKLY Magazine.
 

Stoic Brunnette can't believe she let Kendall from accouting convince her that stopping by his shore house in Point Pleasant, NJ before the fireworks would be a good idea.

The rest of the ladies from the firm were smart enough to arrange for alternate plans; Stoic, however was still of the mindset that "I said I would go so I'm just going to stop by for one drink." Stoic had every intention of meeting her friends later on for the fireworks and the long drive back to NYC.

While Kendall dressed professionally at the office even for a paralegal, Stoic was shocked to see his manner of dress when she finally made her way thought the beer-covered porch and crowded front entrance to found Kendall pumping the foamy keg for a gaggle of obviously under-aged beach urchins.

At that moment, the Upper West Side never seemed farther away. Stoic posed for the picture, if only to remind herself of her bad decision.
 

You shouldn't make fun of Earl. Clearly he was within the blast radius of the tragic Dolce & Gabbana Sunglass Factory Explosion of '09. Had he been standing a mere inch to the side, those sunglasses would be embedded in his frontal cortex.
 

@Mr. White: And that would be a bad thing? And by bad, I mean perfect evidence of God's love for humanity.
 

@Douche Wayne: This douche almost makes me feel sorry for Pt. Pleasant. Almost.
 

There has not been enough fire in the entire long history of Earth for this fucker to suffocate and immolate in.

In other words, what a douchebag.
 

I hope she doused her cigarette in his right eyeball.
 

Nottadouche.

Why?

That’s not a mandana on his head. That’s merely a shorn white t-shirt wrapped about his skull; with little cut outs for his numerous sets of eyes.

Being the frugally minded person that he is, in this economy, he can only afford one pair of sunglasses. So, he just rotates them from one pair of eyes to another, depending on which direction the sun is shining.
 

Awe, fuggit.

He’s a douchebag.
 

He's like a deer in headlights. She is going to regret this photographic proof of being touched by a douche. I can't see her eyes, but my douchey senses say they're saying "I fucking hate you, take the god damned picture. Fucker. Now I'm going to smell like Axe, goddammit."

Really? You were too cool to put your glasses on your head? Oh, I get it now, you wanted to preserve your "stuck my cock in an electric socket" hairdo. Someone put a bullet in the middle of this guys manicured eyebrows. Please.

Yes, I am grumpy.
 

Shortly after the tracheotomy was mistakenly performed on the backside of his neck, Horace was heartened to learn he could still smoke through the port; with a little help from his bleeth.
 

@Ashfish, 12:46 p.m. -

"Yes, I am grumpy."

Then it's an excellent time to vote in the Weekly! ; )
 

"WTF Douche Move" nom roundly seconded.

WTF indeed: thought for a second this was to ensure continued reception due to the DTV switchover.

This is how the douche stows his goggs at a moment's notice to ensure he can be recognized with the hott.

and Note that she opts to continue to wear hers.

--VS
 

My observations:

There is a beach crowd in the background. They may be in a seaside bar. By her blase look, this hott doesn't know this choade and is giving him a sympathy pose. The douche is playing the game of see how many chicks I can get to pose with me on camera game.
 

Ben 'Bagfleck and Gabrielle Anwar pose for the paparazzi on the douche carpet.
 

I'm with Ashfish---he didn't want to fuck up his hair.

Nothing a crowbar to the side of the head couldn't remedy.
 

Not really a douche move. He's just trying to recuperate from being freshly fish slapped by me. It took the color right out of his face, and almost blew his shades right off. Later on I ate the Mahi Mahi I used to spank him with, and it was tender and tasted of vengeance.
 

maybe he has an ear infection and that's a medically approved protection device?
 

UPDATE:

I have escaped my captor and am hiding behind the cigarette in this picture!
 

Well, I went to Vegas this past weekend, and things are worse than I could've imagined.

I received tickets to see the Criss Angel show at Luxor. I felt it my duty to observe one of the douche virus sources in his natural habitat. I was not disappointed.

Angel is a douche of such magnificent proportions, that even on stage he eclipses those around him with his douchiness. His ways are so greatly pooey, that when he was nearby, I felt the need to shower.

The show was, in a word, Fucking absolutely terrible. Okay so that's three words. Actually, just he was terrible. The poor souls from Cirque Du Soleil who are performing with him will probably lose their jobs because of his shittiness.

His magic is unimpressive. He opens his act with a planted girl in the audience holding up a sheet they use for a prop in the show. He kisses her as though he's familiar. It's awful and transparent. He uses the sheet for the always commonplace dissappearing act.

Just fucking awful.

What a huge douchebag.
 

when I buy a new brand of shampoo, I first test it on my taint...

...then I braid it. shit grows long.

this is idio-sychisies.com, right?
 

the douche also has the "Splosion Head action going with the hair...that or he stuck his tongue in a light socket.
 

WOW, this douchebag has a sophisticated move, creative in the same spirit as Michael Jackson when first he wore that single, white sequinned glove.

The Tuck. Shades under Mandana. Offsides.
 

Those are no sunglasses, that's the latest Bluetooth device wiggin' on his ear.

But he's still a douchebag.
 

On closer look, that's a miniature skate-board park for all of FLYTEETH's li'l friends.

And that's FLYTEETH's hairy belly atop the noggin' holding court.

Cuz there's a whole lotta TARMAL goin' on here.
 

I see the Guy Fieri virus is spreading. Lock up your kitchens, and it appears, your pets.
 

I am half English, half American, and I can see two fags in that picture.
 

hey he always notices the bored looks on their faces. i like the fact it seems she isn't interested enough to put down her cigarette. maybe its the influence of the 80s but i find cold indifference sexy, and in this case highly appropriate.

now would i sound too desperate if i put this ad on craigslist?

you: the girl over the left shoulder of the bored bleeth in the photo on hotchicks with douchebags july 6 2009. i think you are hotter than a griddle over an oil fire.
if you are interested respond at (name withheld, email withheld)
 

It's UV protection for his neck goiter.
 

Is that a Cyclops from like Jason and the Argonauts in the background on the left?

Did Earglasm go to the Cenobite Hair Cuttery? "I will tear your scalp apart..."

Why does God allow for such abominations to exist on this earth? Does he hate us all?

-Douche Bauer
 

who is this retard? scott baio little brother? does he star on his own show? look ma, i'm 40 and still live in your basement
 

I'm not sure this was intentional. I think this poor clown was so surprised that Carol Alt 2.0 was giving him the time of day that he lost focus folding up his sunglasses and ended up jamming them through his eardrum. Now he's trying to play it cool and hope she doesn't notice that his eyes are watering.

Godspeed, young man.
 

i've always wondered why guys keep telling me that fat & ugly chicks are wilder in bed than hot chicks.

but now, i take a look at stoic brunette, and it's like - whoa - no wonder.
 

*sigh*

Now I've seen it all.

Until some new idiotic choadwank wannabe n00b fuck tasteless slug pig shit dude comes along and brings something new to the table.

*sigh*
 

Actually.. when I first saw this pic, I thought the glasses were part of some building or something in the background. Then I squinted my eyes and thought it was some form of plastic ear mutation.
 

NO WAY!?!?!

I thought it was a passing para-sailer in the background. Unfeasible
 

take off the bandanna !!! makes u look like a wannabe douche !!@!
 

Five seconds after this pic was taken, Brooke raised her cigarette and immolated Barney using the Axe fumes he was emitting. Tragically, all that was left after the fire was Barney's Old People's sunglasses.

Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
 

Brilliant!!
 

pretty sure this pic is for the new Virgina Slims ad campaign...
 

Far out dude I thought it was some guy in the background on a glider.. This guy is obviosly a pro douche