mmm... ass pear #10.
 

If we do firebomb Dresden, can we take a swing over to Jersey on the return trip? Two birds, several stones.

I'm going to drop a piano on christian Audigier, Looney-Tunes style.
 

HOLY SHIT! I just realized something. I just looked Samurai Scrote in the eye....AND LIVED.


Perhaps my mom was right about eating my vegetables.
 

Yes, David Hasselhoff does still have it. Firmly by the arm in a death grip.
 

Pfah had a neat idea the other day, so I knocked out a little photoshop of ' Reader Mail: "I'm With a Guy in a Mohawk" '
Here it is. Enjoy!
 

That Prinz Maximilian is such a bastard. A rich bastard that is.

Petite AP. I could lift her with one hand onto my joy ride.
 

I don't get this Ed Hardy/Christian Audigier shit going on...Sure, tattoos as an art form is good art, but for some reason when it's pasted on a shirt it appears appalling.

Simply putting a tattoo design on a shirt, allowing aliens on Neptune to see it doesn't appear all that attractive to me anyhow.

Designs are okay. Tattoo designs are fine...but there has gotta be some sort of middle ground...

Those shirts are major fashion faux-pas.
 

Dudes.

That ass pear was flat out bonerific.

Is that Ass Pear La Plantes uniform for the international rump shaking competition? we ALL surely hope so.

As for the rest of the links, meh. And by "meh," I mean "fuck new jersey (I will not do them the honor of capitalizing the name of their wretched state)." Although I am always pleased to see my boy Hasslehoff.

Douche? Probably, but Davey self mocks on a more than regular basis and often does so with glee. So he is in the class of Twinkie Douche. Outwardly, A crusted over, nutritionless shell, but inside, a filling of warm happy. Go you Dave, tap that 22 year old ass. I approve.
 

Great googly moogly. That poor butchered Monster. Did Audiger follow HST into Circus Circus in a mescaline induced haze and never come out of his trip? Why completely desecrate two institutions: Ducati and their fine two wheeled speed machines, and the famous artwork of one Don Ed Hardy.

Just because you shell out an assload of money for Audiger reproduced sailor art does not make a tough old sailor.

In fact it makes you a preening overdone semen.
 

while we are doing links:

http://www.laughyourdickoff.com/

it's RAAAAAAAANDY! dude is mocking ultra-douche Dane Cook
 

@ wonkydouche

HAHAHAHAHA. Elephant Vagina Boner. HAHAHAHA
 

Denver, Dresden and London are all dead to me now.
Is there any place left untainted by the greasy, groping touch of the douche?

Ah yes...
Canada.
 

Joder que ya hemos visto este ass pear!!!! necesito nuevo!!!!

Army of Douche-ness
 

Si, es verdad army. Tambien vi eso.
 

Do not worry Medusa.

For we do not See Samürǽ S¢røte. In fact, we do not See anything at all. Our eyeballs are merely portholes directly tied into Samürǽ S¢røte’s soul. Which is located just South of the third kneecap on his coccyx.

It may take a moment for that to sink in. I, myself, did not come to that conclusion lightly, as most of you know.

I only saw Lamp’s light after plundering the depths of my last bottle of mescal not so very many moons ago.

Take heart, for while we carry out His bidding, we unroll our reddest carpets for the Captains of Hell.

What that means? I'll never really know.
 

@Wonky

I said it before, but I'll say it again: Bravo!
 

And with that heavy and completely superfluous thought, I bid you all an awesome weekend. I thank DB1 for providing a succulent array of hot brunette’s for my viewing pleasure. And by ‘viewing,’ I mean lotion. I thank HyperSexualGirl for providing her body… and refined pictures of it. And most of all, I’d like to thank Lamp. For without Lamp, none of this would be possible.

Cheers!
 

Well done, Wonky! Well done indeed.
 

DB1, your ability to induce rage with evidence of societal rot and decay is uncanny.

But hey, using the $4,000 workstation in my office to look at ass pear is better than actually doing work.
 

I guess I was wrong when I thought Tom Cruise was The Last Samurai Scrote.
It just looks like he is the first in a long line.
This pic is so bad I couldn't tell who was the douche and who was the Hott.
Dark days are upon us. White hats and dark days.
 

I never realised that Samurai Scrote had quite the Hebraic features...interesting. And a 1930's gansta at that.
 

Samurai Scrote's blood type is Pork.
 

Samurai Scrote wakes up in the morning and pisses excellence and eats pieces of shit for breakfast.

The man once met Chuck Norris and Chuck made him a sandwich with no crust.

I'll let you extract meaning from that last one.
 

"tootle around"
 

I bet his convertible is a Cabrio.
 

Anyone who would take a ride with that asshat in Denver is begging to become a homicide statistic. He also misspelled BreckenriDge.
 

Circumcision was devised as a tribute to Samurai Scrote. The Prince evolved from discarded foreskins, also known as "Hardies."
 

what a week! nice pic, wonky. have a good weekend, all. first round's on me. thanks for more pear, boss. samurai scrote for pope.
 

Lol

We can go to a hiking location and then my crawlspace
 

Jersey is not the armpit of america, it is the shit stain of america. It is a smear of shit on the underpants of the country. Mom wouldn't even try to scrub it clean, she would just throw it away. By that I mean it should be severed from the rest of the country and allowed to drift out to sea like an elderly Eskimo.

Also, Right on with the Dennings props. I too had to take a second look after seeing that movie. I would de-louse her chihuahua with my teeth. I would learn guitar so I could play T-Rex riffs to her. I would put up with her vegetarianism. Beat that for sacrifice.
 

Oh, my beloved Samurai Scrote has returned, and I can only begin to imagine what lines the regulars will be bubbling over with when the commentary on this thread gets going.

Even Geddy will be impressed. Won't he?

And believe you me, this is the REAL Miss Anonymous making a rare appearance on the threads.
 

Douchecati. ROTFLMAO!
 

@ massengill 3:42:

That's a good one!
 

Popped collar and 49. Wow, whattascrote.
 

Looking good SS. Love the ensemble. Classy as always.

Mojito time.
 

Decent pear, but I prefer last week's.
 

@Crucial

I see your coccyx and raise you one Lamp

@Medusa

I'll cut the cord even!

@wonky

SS has indeed blessed you with photoshop skills indeed!




@Samürǽ S¢røte

̔̕̚̕̚҉ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡ ͡҉҉̵̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̿̿̿̚ ҉҉҉̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̔̕̚̕
̚҉ ̌̍̎̏̿̿̿̚ ҉ ҉҉̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞ ̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍ ̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑ ̒̓̔̕̚ ̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̕̚̕̚ ̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍ ̎̏̚ ̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠ ̌̍̎̏̿̿̿̚ ҉ ҉҉̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞ ̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍ ̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑ ̒̓̔̕̚ ̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̕̚̕̚ ̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍ ̎̏̚ ̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠ ̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏ ̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓ ̔̕̚̕̚ ̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̔̕̚̕̚ ̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̚ ̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠ ̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏ ̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓ ̔̕̚̕̚ ̔̕̚̕̚҉ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍ ̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡ ͡҉҉ ̵̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋ ̌̍̎̏̿̿̿̚I ҉ ҉҉̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞ ̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏ ̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓hAve ̔̕̚̕̚ ̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̔̕̚̕̚ ̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̚tHE ̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠plAnZ ̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏ ̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓ ̔̕̚̕̚ ̔̕̚̕̚҉ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍ ̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡ ͡҉҉ ̵̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋ ̌̍̎̏̿̿̿̚ ҉ ҉҉̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡ ͡҉҉
 

Samurai Scrote is the cock for every pussy.

Samurai Scrote is the star spangled mangler, making all your clothes come out like plywood.

Samurai Scrote vomited up purple Kool Aid and chewed bits of jerky, and that's what Jesus used to make water into wine.

When Samurai Scrote says "shwing!" the moon shifts its orbit.
 

On the NEWS front, nice to see that Sonya Scroto-mayor seems to have made the cut. As an apathetic white guy, I have always felt like my constitutional rights were just extra baggage anyway. She'll take care of those in a jiffy. :|
 

Hey, now.
 

Sorry 'bout that Judge. I was assuming I still had my First Amendment rights, but once on the bench I am sure you can right that wrong. :)
 

that motorcycle is sweet
 

I didn't know Boris and Natascha were a couple of douches.

And that Craigslist ad just screams of desperation. Now I know what I've been doing wrong.
 

I'm still lookin' for the shittin'-hole on that bike.
 

Samurai's "lady" straps on her Oscar and gives it to him on a regular basis. I'll bet his facial expression at that moment is the same as pictured here.

Another year, another faux "prince" from lands once making up the Austro-Hungarian Empire. Were they as douchy back then as well? I'm starting to think the answer must be yes.

Wildwood, N.J. Didn't need to even see the video to know what it had to be, but I have delighted in sending this to all my friends from that poor, blighted state.

Haselhoff, I think it's time for an overdose.

Lastly, we should fill Ass Pear #10's crack with peanut butter and turn Denver Old Bag's dog loose. Is it weird I want to watch? All parties involved have earned it. Everyone wins.

And...I'm out. Have a great weekend all.
 

Samurai Scrote doesn't wear leather... he eats a cow & sweats it out
 

Heh heh heh....

Wienermobile
 

Samurai Scrote is not Sasha Baron Cohen. A profile like that could only come from the loins of Rondo Hatton.

And his 'Lucille Ball meets Annie Lennox' action figure has manhands. I imply nothing by making that observation.
 

@ Vin D

har, har, har, put some fur around that garage!
 

Hi,

tootle around.

Ciao,
Jeffrey
 

i once thought that the Samurai Scrote mystique would wear off after we start seeing him without his sunglasses.

not so!

so who will win in a deathmatch: Samurai Scrote or Christian Audigier / Ed Hardy?

i shall spend the rest of the weekend contemplating that.
 

also, my job site, starting next Monday, will be a sewage treatment plant.

y'know, where they have a shit stirring machine.

i just feel that Samurai Scrote, Ed Hardy, and Prinz Maximillian should really pay a visit to this place.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

Wait, wait, wait just a fucking minute. "Hot chicks with douchebags themed" party? What? That whooshing sound flying by those attendees is deafening. Fuck it, I'm done. When people are proud to actively be douchebags that's where I draw the line. Minneapolis, you are DEAD to me. Not even a tasty asspear can cleanse my palate of this bullshit. I would say sue them, but maybe we'll be lucky and some horrible malfunction will happen with the DJ's lights and fog and it will burn the fucking place down...I could make that happen for the right price. I didn't learn sound and lighting for nothing.

David Hasselhoff makes me laugh, especially when he's on "America's Got Talent," and he has none. And then he rags on others for not having any talent, as if anyone outside of Germany actually thinks he's still culturally relevant.

Christian Audigier has finally made me cry. Look at what he's done! LOOK AT IT. Its just, my god it has douchebag spooge all over it. Ducati has been soiled, and I feel dirty. I don't think even the most experienced jizz moper could clean that. Why would you take such a beautiful machine and do that to it? Then again its not like he hasn't pissed all over Lamborghini. Does he just have a thing against Italians? Where are my kneecap breaking uncles when I need them? Fucking hell.
 

That Wildwood video needs to be expanded by a few seconds. It's missing local residents. I picture the conversation going something like this.

Local #1: "Is the summer almost over?"

Local #2: "I wish. I can't wait until all these tourists pack up go the hell home."

Local #1: "Is it my imagination or are there more idiots and assholes every year?"

Local #2: "It's not your imagination. What this town needs is a lever that you can push down on to flush all the shitheads back to New York and Philadelphia."

Local #1: "I'd be happy to pay to push that lever down"

Local #2: "Oh, so would I. I would pack a lunch and get in line over and over again. Because you know there would be a line."

I've had that conversation or ones similar to it, many times before. This time of year it's a bag taggers paradise. It's probably the only place you can see some guido stand in front of a cash register for five minutes deciding what he wants to buy....at a place that only sells one thing!

Local #1: "So when did you say these douchebags are going home?"
 

If ass cheeks were dollar bills then Ass Pear #10 would have two (2) one dollar bills. The size of bedsheets.
 

she looks like an evil, evil bond girl
 

@ Croosh 1:54
You know what, though? I have been suffering grave intestinal distress since last night. I'm wondering if it was the meatloaf or if Samurai Scrote planted something in my system to kill me from the inside out.

@ JCVD 5:46
Don't threaten me with a good time :)

@ Ash 3:14
I definitely think Audigier has something against Italians and I'm wondering why the Mafia hasn't intervened.

I have something against Italians, too. Usually it's my tongue.
 

This isn't many comments for a Samurai Scrote post.
 

@Croosh, Pfah, Sgt., Chris, JCVD, etc: Glad you enjoyed; I def had fun w/it! +Thx 4 the idea, Pfah. -Chrz!
 

Ahhhh, that's the ticket! I was a little impacted after the combo fajitas I split with my wife. The margaritas and queso didn't help. One look at Samurai Scrote and I'm regular again!
 

Who the hell is this fuckng loser!
 

I'm pretty sure you've given us that pear before. Maybe not an APOTW but I've definitly seen it here before...
 

Samurai Scrote uses bear cubs for condoms
 

Samurai Scrote pressed the tip of his peepee against the tip of a sleeping Dick Cheney's urethra and made him gay.
 

Samurai Scrote once had to nose-fuck a breathing hole through Delta Burke's abdomen wall once while camping in her colon.
 

Samurai Scrote shits delicious hot deli rolls out of his left nostril every 5th October.
 

You better eat one, Fatness.
 

All Idaho potatoes are actually grown in Samurai Scrote's discarded condoms.




With Love...
 

Barbara Streisand's nose is the only object that has ever penetrated Samurai Scrote's anus hole.
 

Samurai Scrote's favorite anal lube is Crucial Head's left femur.
 

Samurai Scrote split his tens when the dealer was showing six, then doubled down on each hand ending up with a hard twelve and a hard fourteen. Many douches in the back, who were not glued to the poker tables due to a lull in the action. snickered as the dealer reminded him the odd favor keeping the tens. Scrote acknowledges none of it. The dealer flips a king for sixteen and then draws another face card to bust. Scrote smiles and kindly tips as he chips out and leaves the table. The Pavilion of Bandanas awaits his eagerly won wealth.
 

That's right, to get the hard twelve he had to double down on a blackjack. That's just how Scrote rolls.
 

First!!!
 

Samurai Scrote has quarters and nickels for teeth
 

Samurai Scrote has a long dark sock full of quarters and nickels which he slings around for a weapon ever since he lost his Samurai Sword and trusty .38.
 

Ass Pear #10 is either a repeat or ass-and-snatch-pear,
 

If his face is any indication, Samurai Scrote has a large dick and rather small, receding balls that actually hide beneath his asshole.
 

Samurai Scrote visted La Musee D'Orsay in Paris and was so impressed with Whistler's Mother that he set upon creating his own "Composition in Black and White."

Only her lips are red all over.
And maybe his hidden peepee.
 

Why thank you, DB1, because two people have told me I look like Kat Dennings. So I feel flattered now.
 

Samurai Scrote has wheels for hair
 

Samurai Scrote watches insect porn
 

Samurai Scrote plays banjo in Slayer.
 

Samurai Scrote sharpens rat tail files with his urethra.
 

Every time Samurai Scrote sneezes, Lance Bass has a small orgasm.
 

Samurai Scrote's nipples are made of pig iron, and he has a threaded asshole.
 

Samurai Scrote was a rooster in Nepal for 7 years.
 

In Samurai Scrote's mind, Kool Moe Dee won the spat with LL Cool J.
 

Samurai Scrote stole Wesley Snipe's stapler and mailed it to James Earl Jones. But that's not the end of that story. No sir.
 

Samurai Scrote drives a Hyundai Elantra covered in luncheon meat.
 

Samurai Scrote is all that, but not a bag of chips as well.
 

Samurai Scrote drives a Ford Falcon made out of squid beaks.
 

Samurai Scrote likes a monkfish hanging off the side of his tequila shots.
 

Samurai Scrote's eyes scab shut in the presence of Big Bird.
 

Samurai Scrote has a motorcycle made entirely of cornbread. Everytime he starts it up the bitch catches on fire.
 

Samurai Scrote has a bad-ass leather jacket that says "BURNT CORNBREAD 4-EVER" across the back, with a blue pony.
 

Samurai Scrote orders children from Netflix.
 

Samurai Scrote plays Ratchet and Clank on a custom Sony PS7.
 

Samurai Scrote uses human heads as lip balm.
 

Dayum!!!

Shoulda got here earlier.
 

Samürǽ S¢røte manufactures arugula-flavored bundt cakes in the wall cavities of the break room on alternating business-casual Fridays.
 

Chicks dig me
 

Samurai Scrote is his own language, one in which every vowel is accented and the fricative glottal roughly thigh-fucks nasal approximants.
 

Samurai Scote travelled back in time to make the universe run on quantum rules. This made Einstein cry at the non-deterministic nature of the world. The Samurai bottled these tears and used them as lube.
 

When Samurai Scrote masturbates he fires swarms of albino locusts from his loins and the land is laid waste, the sun darkened at their passage.
 

When Darksock faltered in his surreal comments Samurai Scrote appeared to me in a dream and said "Make lame comments until he starts again, for I wish to secretly run my tongue over his ears as he types his vitriol". Such is the power of the Scrote that Darksock will awake thinking this violation was a dream until he sees this thread and collapses in paroxysms of horror.
 

Samurai Scrote caused DarkSock to take a dump at 6 am this morning.

DarkSock didn't wake up until 7 am.
 

I say screw 'em and SUE 'EM.