Thursday, July 02, 2009
HCwDB in the News
Your humble narrator is slowing things down for the next few days. Because it's vaca time for the DB1.
The third week of my show, Is She Really Going Out With Him?, is wrapping up on MTV, with 12 original eps having aired so far. The response has been great, all the craziness and creative battles were worth it. Not everything from HCwDB could carry over, but I have a show I'm really proud of. A show that's silly and playful, and mocking the douches as they deserve to be mocked.
In other HCwDB news, my book has officially been optioned, and I'm hard at work this summer writing the script. While the show plays with real world couples, the movie version of HCwDB will be the journey of the book. My journey. And will have lots of boobies and Ass Pear.
But this weekend?
This weekend is for sitting back and doing jack-all squat. Scratching myself in inappropriate places. Rubbing my hairy-ass belly. Drinking cheap wines and consuming way too many calories of chemical Hostess goodness.
In other words, it's just like every other week.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 2:22 PM 
Comments:
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Congratulations on the many facets of your success, sir. I am as honored as I am envious to dwell in your shadow.
We all get cameos, right? The DP should know now that I don't show up on film.
We all get cameos, right? The DP should know now that I don't show up on film.
i don't want to speak for many of the regulars here DB1, but might i just say that i am so very proud of how far you've taken your original idea. for those of us that dwell in the basements of our parent's house, you are our fearless leader. (pick on any sarcasm there?) keep up the fight my friend. you're doing the world a great justice, and i am happy to be part of it.
you enjoy your long weekend of nothing. you enjoy the hell out of it.
i'll be hoisting several libations in your honor tonight dear sir.
you're doing a great thing.
for me? it's time to take the bulldog for a walk with Mrs. Pfah and reflect on how lucky we are that we're nothing like what we see here.
happy 4th Jay.
you enjoy your long weekend of nothing. you enjoy the hell out of it.
i'll be hoisting several libations in your honor tonight dear sir.
you're doing a great thing.
for me? it's time to take the bulldog for a walk with Mrs. Pfah and reflect on how lucky we are that we're nothing like what we see here.
happy 4th Jay.
If, however, you return with a waxed belly, tats, and gelled spikes, you will be mocked.
Just say no to taint.
Just say no to taint.
# posted by 
: 2:31 PM
: 2:31 PM
congrats boss & enjoy a well earned holiday weekend break
... you may consider popping some zits on yer ass while your at it
cheers!
... you may consider popping some zits on yer ass while your at it
cheers!
Congratulations DB1! That is fantastic news. If only I were hotter I'd totally be looking to sell my soul to the Hollywood gods for a shot at an audition. A long weekend is well deserved. It's been amazing watching this site evolve since first seeing it on Bored at Work. And it feels weird to be a tiny part of something so big now.
I need to get paid, then perhaps I can go pick up the book. Your show has kept me entertained however. And my gay friends want to start a "Hot Dicks With Douchebags" site after seeing this. From the stories I hear, they have the same hotty/douche problem. I can't tell, fucking gay boys are always hot.
I need to get paid, then perhaps I can go pick up the book. Your show has kept me entertained however. And my gay friends want to start a "Hot Dicks With Douchebags" site after seeing this. From the stories I hear, they have the same hotty/douche problem. I can't tell, fucking gay boys are always hot.
Here here! A toast in your favor! And, I look forward to seeing many douchebags squirm uncomfortably in their seats during HCwDB the motion picture! Let the edumacation begin...good luck trying to fit plinky's mom onto the big screen though...
Wunnerful, wunnerful! All hail to DB1!
Photo-he has obviously been drinking the cheap wines and consuming way too many calories of chemical Hostess goodness, by the looks on Photo-her's face.
And her twisty-hands.
And his abdomen.
Photo-he has obviously been drinking the cheap wines and consuming way too many calories of chemical Hostess goodness, by the looks on Photo-her's face.
And her twisty-hands.
And his abdomen.
# posted by : 2:50 PM
: 2:50 PM
Out of curiousity, do the douches in the show realize just how bad they look? or is their ego the size of a small planet and they just don't care?
Also, I'd like to see a followup show at some point, where we can see what became of this or that bag or hott, and if they stayed a couple if they're still a couple.
Also, I'd like to see a followup show at some point, where we can see what became of this or that bag or hott, and if they stayed a couple if they're still a couple.
Ew. I would like to give him a roundhouse kick to the stomach and see what comes out of his mouth. Or would he just split in half like a creampuff, oozing a mixture of AXE shower gel, Pucker and Slim-Jims. Gross.
Hey, DB1, if you need someone to play a merciless, soul-sucking demonic she-beast from the depths of Hades, I'll gladly oblige. Yeah, it's typecasting, but I'll work for scale and bring donuts to the set in the morning.
Hey, DB1, if you need someone to play a merciless, soul-sucking demonic she-beast from the depths of Hades, I'll gladly oblige. Yeah, it's typecasting, but I'll work for scale and bring donuts to the set in the morning.
Congratulations!
I watched the first episode for the first time earlier this week, and I was impressed; not only with the humor, but with the fact that MTV really went against type and put a major smackdown on a big time taintscrote.
I wonder if all of the earlier anonymous haters have watched it and eaten their crow.
I watched the first episode for the first time earlier this week, and I was impressed; not only with the humor, but with the fact that MTV really went against type and put a major smackdown on a big time taintscrote.
I wonder if all of the earlier anonymous haters have watched it and eaten their crow.
...somewhere out there, bodhi continues to search for that perfect wave. you, my friend, have found yours. and as evan stone may have once said "ride it bitch! its big isn't it. you like that. take the whole thing. you want it on your face?" well, i don't know if the last part is applicable but congrats on your success and don't let it blind you.
happy 4th y'all! yee haw!
happy 4th y'all! yee haw!
I'm halfway through all of the Tivo'd episodes. Mrs. Sock is getting payback from all of those ice skating shows I sat through. Even though I like secretly liked watching the female skaters skate backwards with their legs up over their heads. I always wondered if they made a whistling sound when they do that, like when you hold an empty coke bottle out of a moving car's window...
what was I talking about?
what was I talking about?
I fully expect for your movie to make me cry. I know you won't let me down, fearless leader.
-Ponderonymous
-Ponderonymous
# posted by : 3:12 PM
: 3:12 PM
You go, patriot!
I think the movie will outshine your MTV show, but all "Reality" shows give my soul a rash. That's my opinion, and it sticks to me.
Happy 4th
I think the movie will outshine your MTV show, but all "Reality" shows give my soul a rash. That's my opinion, and it sticks to me.
Happy 4th
Well frankly the book, while funny in parts, didn't really live up to the website.
I can't handle the MTV element to the show that, like it or not, is there. No avoiding it.
So here's hoping that movie (which sounds like it has potential) is the comeback that is needed. Sounds like the angle is at least different enough to have a Farrely Bros. take to it: aimless nice guy somehow finally gets hot chick and finds success along the way. Sophmoric humor throughout.
It's possible the phenomena is running its course? Might be time to get creative in another area.
I can't handle the MTV element to the show that, like it or not, is there. No avoiding it.
So here's hoping that movie (which sounds like it has potential) is the comeback that is needed. Sounds like the angle is at least different enough to have a Farrely Bros. take to it: aimless nice guy somehow finally gets hot chick and finds success along the way. Sophmoric humor throughout.
It's possible the phenomena is running its course? Might be time to get creative in another area.
# posted by : 4:45 PM
: 4:45 PM
@Medusa
For God's sake, don't kick his stomach! I'm pretty sure the hott is pointing at a fungal bloom that would no doubt be an infection risk, even with latex leggings.
For God's sake, don't kick his stomach! I'm pretty sure the hott is pointing at a fungal bloom that would no doubt be an infection risk, even with latex leggings.
# posted by : 4:50 PM
: 4:50 PM
@DB1 Cool
But i still want to know if those jackasses are getting paid on that show
But i still want to know if those jackasses are getting paid on that show
# posted by : 5:10 PM
: 5:10 PM
this may sound harsh, but when a chick dresses like that, with the cartoon sized belt in old jewish guy position,and her shirt is open so you can experience the full rich flavor of her gunt, and her bra is actually pushing up everything above the belly button, she deserves to have her picture taken with every douche in the place.
sorry baby who did you think was gonna pose next to you when you dressed the house dressed like that.
sorry baby who did you think was gonna pose next to you when you dressed the house dressed like that.
@DarkSock, 3:10 p.m. -
Either him or Kevin Bacon.....
Congrats on making hay in Hollywood, DB1! I've enjoyed the site for the past 15 months - I forget who introduced me to it, but I'm thankful to know others like to mock trendy scrote behavior.
Just had a thought: might those sugary Hostess goodies be a cure for the Greico virus? Perhaps the chemicals in a Twinkie would combat those of the Axe that seep into the pores of the choad, creating a chemical reaction that nullifies the virus.....?
There needs to be a study. Either that or I need to extend the nap I just had and come back to post coherently.
Either him or Kevin Bacon.....
Congrats on making hay in Hollywood, DB1! I've enjoyed the site for the past 15 months - I forget who introduced me to it, but I'm thankful to know others like to mock trendy scrote behavior.
Just had a thought: might those sugary Hostess goodies be a cure for the Greico virus? Perhaps the chemicals in a Twinkie would combat those of the Axe that seep into the pores of the choad, creating a chemical reaction that nullifies the virus.....?
There needs to be a study. Either that or I need to extend the nap I just had and come back to post coherently.
Enjoy your weekend off, but don't lose sight of the douchebags and the mocking they deserve!
This chick actually looks like she gets it. She's giving the douche the 'gas face' and not even pretending to be nice. I love her.
This chick actually looks like she gets it. She's giving the douche the 'gas face' and not even pretending to be nice. I love her.
# posted by : 6:35 PM
: 6:35 PM
DB1,
If you need someone to play Medusa's arm candy in the movie--and by "arm candy," I mean "long-haired math dork," then I am all over that. I played Ichabod Crane in the 4th grade, and I rocked that shit, yo.
Sincerely,
Mr. White
If you need someone to play Medusa's arm candy in the movie--and by "arm candy," I mean "long-haired math dork," then I am all over that. I played Ichabod Crane in the 4th grade, and I rocked that shit, yo.
Sincerely,
Mr. White
@ Mr. White
*Gasp!* What a coincidence! I played Katrina Von Tassel one time. Only it wasn't a school play and I had these tassels that--oh, never mind.
*Gasp!* What a coincidence! I played Katrina Von Tassel one time. Only it wasn't a school play and I had these tassels that--oh, never mind.
@ anon 4:45
How about "Hot Concepts With Anonymous Hecklers"
Honestly though, at this point if all of the annoying-ass anons on this site were to suddenly disappear, I'd miss them.
There, I said it.
How about "Hot Concepts With Anonymous Hecklers"
Honestly though, at this point if all of the annoying-ass anons on this site were to suddenly disappear, I'd miss them.
There, I said it.
well gee guess what i'll be doing this weekend?
we're going to have to learn the entire Crosby rigging course in 2 days worth of lecture. our instructor had 40 hours to learn it, so HE gets to pour out Powerpoint slides on us so fucking fast we can't take any notes properly. and we're supposed to memorize what he said by the snap of a finger. we didn't get any handouts or study aid other than his word of mouth and those fucking Powerpoint slides. come Monday we're supposed to pass the rigging test.
in summary, if there are online links to the Crosby rigging course, it would be great if someone can point me to it. otherwise i'm gonna be spending the weekend scouring the internet to find it. FUCK.
we're going to have to learn the entire Crosby rigging course in 2 days worth of lecture. our instructor had 40 hours to learn it, so HE gets to pour out Powerpoint slides on us so fucking fast we can't take any notes properly. and we're supposed to memorize what he said by the snap of a finger. we didn't get any handouts or study aid other than his word of mouth and those fucking Powerpoint slides. come Monday we're supposed to pass the rigging test.
in summary, if there are online links to the Crosby rigging course, it would be great if someone can point me to it. otherwise i'm gonna be spending the weekend scouring the internet to find it. FUCK.
... so where was i?
the HCwDB movie trailer had better be available to Canadian viewership, DB1. you should also show up on the set every week to nag about how the directors and actors aren't living up to your vision of your art. that would be awesome.
the HCwDB movie trailer had better be available to Canadian viewership, DB1. you should also show up on the set every week to nag about how the directors and actors aren't living up to your vision of your art. that would be awesome.
last but not least -
Medusa, you HAVE to upload a YouTube video of yourself doing a roundhouse kick. or else my dick will implode. that is all.
Medusa, you HAVE to upload a YouTube video of yourself doing a roundhouse kick. or else my dick will implode. that is all.
DB1 is becoming a Hollywood Playa! He's gonna start saying the project is "fabulous" and we're gonna have to hurl tomatoes of mockery, haha!
One of the Anon's said something slightly critical about the HCwDB book. I own this book, and I think it's funny as shit.
Sure, it's not the spontaneous creative outburst of comic energy that you see from the 'bag hunters here on the interwebz, but -- for example, just read p.90 "The PunkBag". Fuckin' brilliant!
Guests to my studio see it on the coffee table, pick it up, and start laughing hysterically. A couple guys said "holy shit -- I'm a douchebag!"
If you're a douchebag, this book will clean you up better than a bowl of granola. If you can't read, or you're too fucking lazy to turn pages, I guess you'll have to wait for the movie.
One of the Anon's said something slightly critical about the HCwDB book. I own this book, and I think it's funny as shit.
Sure, it's not the spontaneous creative outburst of comic energy that you see from the 'bag hunters here on the interwebz, but -- for example, just read p.90 "The PunkBag". Fuckin' brilliant!
Guests to my studio see it on the coffee table, pick it up, and start laughing hysterically. A couple guys said "holy shit -- I'm a douchebag!"
If you're a douchebag, this book will clean you up better than a bowl of granola. If you can't read, or you're too fucking lazy to turn pages, I guess you'll have to wait for the movie.
At last, the face of a woman who realizes where she is, who she is with, and that the Internet is forever.
Was a double shot of Old Degreaser and Coke really worth it?
B-B-B-Bag To The Bone
Was a double shot of Old Degreaser and Coke really worth it?
B-B-B-Bag To The Bone
# posted by : 10:45 PM
: 10:45 PM
Douchehead has devil hair with orange horns, bowl haircut on lower face with circle of residue over his pout-expression, right-side mastectomy which he mysteriously exposes while covering left manboob, frumpy gut, droopy jeans with drawer popover, and most strange of all, THE MARK OF THE DOUCHE ON HIS NECK in addition to his horn fingers Gang of Douche signal.
Perky-Boobie Brita is rightfully yechhed out. She needs a cleansing filter for her distress, and to hide her belly-button with more than a twisted paw.
Perky-Boobie Brita is rightfully yechhed out. She needs a cleansing filter for her distress, and to hide her belly-button with more than a twisted paw.
# posted by : 12:33 AM
: 12:33 AM
@ Steve L.
Remind me tomorrow (later today? Jeebus, what am I doing up?). I'm in a very sporting mood now but incapacitated for reasons I can't, nor would I, explain here. But if I'm still as batty tomorrow, I'll humor you. I'd hate to see anyone's dick implode if there was something I could do to stop it.
Remind me tomorrow (later today? Jeebus, what am I doing up?). I'm in a very sporting mood now but incapacitated for reasons I can't, nor would I, explain here. But if I'm still as batty tomorrow, I'll humor you. I'd hate to see anyone's dick implode if there was something I could do to stop it.
@massengill -
No, I don't. I'm guessing there's a "Wheezer" posting there - are the posts good or bad?
No, I don't. I'm guessing there's a "Wheezer" posting there - are the posts good or bad?
DB1:
I also would love to see some follow-up shows 6 months or a year down the line to find out what happened to the hotts after they broke up.
I'm really curious, though - how did you convince the douches to be on the show in the first place? Are they that egotistical that they'll do anything to get on MTV?
Also, are you afraid that as the show becomes more popular, many douchebags won't want to appear on it, leading to a shortage of 'bags to make new episodes about?
Anyway, here's hoping the production budget has some room in it to someday shoot some Providence 'bags.
I also would love to see some follow-up shows 6 months or a year down the line to find out what happened to the hotts after they broke up.
I'm really curious, though - how did you convince the douches to be on the show in the first place? Are they that egotistical that they'll do anything to get on MTV?
Also, are you afraid that as the show becomes more popular, many douchebags won't want to appear on it, leading to a shortage of 'bags to make new episodes about?
Anyway, here's hoping the production budget has some room in it to someday shoot some Providence 'bags.
@ wheezer
No, nothing like that. You said you didn't know who introduced you to the site. I was introduced to it by someone who heard about it from someone else on the woxy message boards.
No, nothing like that. You said you didn't know who introduced you to the site. I was introduced to it by someone who heard about it from someone else on the woxy message boards.
@medusa
I just had an idea for one of those "re-imagining" type movies. Hint: It involves the phrases "Lickabod Crane" and "The Legend of Seeping Hollow." Meet me in the playpen, stat!
I just had an idea for one of those "re-imagining" type movies. Hint: It involves the phrases "Lickabod Crane" and "The Legend of Seeping Hollow." Meet me in the playpen, stat!
@ Medusa 12:57 AM,
you will now have to upload a YouTube video of you executing a roundhouse kick - drunken kung fu style. or else my dick will be compressed into 4-dimensional rubble. that is all.
you will now have to upload a YouTube video of you executing a roundhouse kick - drunken kung fu style. or else my dick will be compressed into 4-dimensional rubble. that is all.
Adrien Brody's true colours finally show, and they are all DOUCHE.
Warning: I take no responsibility for retinal damage.
Warning: I take no responsibility for retinal damage.
@ Mr. White 8:34
Sounds like there will be nothing head-less about it.
@ Steve L.
Crap. Now I kinda have to, don't I? Let me get some more coffee in me and think about how I wanna do this.
@ Troy
Troy? Is that you? I just went blind.
Sounds like there will be nothing head-less about it.
@ Steve L.
Crap. Now I kinda have to, don't I? Let me get some more coffee in me and think about how I wanna do this.
@ Troy
Troy? Is that you? I just went blind.
I understand why the girl is crying.
Take heart, little one. Leeches fall off when they're engorged with blood.
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Take heart, little one. Leeches fall off when they're engorged with blood.
# posted by : 7:17 AM
: 7:17 AM << Home
