Monday, July 06, 2009
HCwDB of the Week
You think the fight against the hott/douche commingling is over? This fight is just beginning folks.
Put away your sparklers, your lawn chairs and recycle your empty PBRs. It's the Weekly. And here's your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Weekend at Bennie's
As Troy Tempest puts it:
I may have two dyn-o-mite babes hangin' on my arms, but in my mind? I'M LISTENING TO DOKKEN!!!
Originally posted under the title Dehumanism, this pairing of sexy girls next door and dead douche on the dance floor deserves its own school of mock, so I've retitled it "Weekend at Bennie's."
Because any reference to 1980s Andrew McCarthy movies is gold, Jerry.
The girls are sweet and shiny and each are offering me their shoulder to gnaw upon. Which I would. Lightly. And then harder. And then awkwardly. And then they'd ask me to go home.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Tiki Douche
Tiki Douche has a number of quality components that render it pure in the hottie/douchey dialectics.
A smokingly tasty hott, innocent and with butt powdery quality.
A super-douche of forehead grease, wristdana, idiotic tatts, designer sunglasses and douche-pose.
And, of course, an angry Bud Light Totem Pole, bringing shame to Iroquois ancestors across the Northern Frontier.
Tiki Douche brings the lesser hott but identical scrotal move in Pic #2.
For her hot-pants and Cleavite paleness are vunderbar.
And Tiki Douche's undies poke and belt-studs are verboten verkleinshmidt nacht.
Or something.
HCwDB of the Week #3: Morris
Morris brings an extra serving of what we term Douche Aura. The desire to punch that far outweighs the actual list of scrotal fungus he presents in presence of his hott.
The hott is also problematic. She is cute, but perhaps not enough to compete with the other hotts in the Weekly.
Then there's Pic #2, where Morris brings annoying photoshop bleaching, annoying hottie Bleething, and a giant faux.
Even if Rage and Lust in the Time of Holbrooks! did amazing sleuthing and determined that Morris is actually last year's Crawdaddy, I'm still giving Morris another shot in the Weekly.
Because I'm generous like that.
(Dis)honorable mention to Clubholio, the Greaser and Bikini Hott from 'Bag / Nottabag, the Ass Pear n' Hat Tilt and the Beauty and Tool from Skull and Douchebones, whose comments threads shenanigans suggested a takedown on the way and thus disqualified them.
So them's your three.
Which pairing of scrote and suckle thigh rises to the top?
That's where I need your help.
Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.
Put away your sparklers, your lawn chairs and recycle your empty PBRs. It's the Weekly. And here's your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Weekend at Bennie's
As Troy Tempest puts it:
I may have two dyn-o-mite babes hangin' on my arms, but in my mind? I'M LISTENING TO DOKKEN!!!
Originally posted under the title Dehumanism, this pairing of sexy girls next door and dead douche on the dance floor deserves its own school of mock, so I've retitled it "Weekend at Bennie's."
Because any reference to 1980s Andrew McCarthy movies is gold, Jerry.
The girls are sweet and shiny and each are offering me their shoulder to gnaw upon. Which I would. Lightly. And then harder. And then awkwardly. And then they'd ask me to go home.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Tiki Douche
Tiki Douche has a number of quality components that render it pure in the hottie/douchey dialectics.
A smokingly tasty hott, innocent and with butt powdery quality.
A super-douche of forehead grease, wristdana, idiotic tatts, designer sunglasses and douche-pose.
And, of course, an angry Bud Light Totem Pole, bringing shame to Iroquois ancestors across the Northern Frontier.
Tiki Douche brings the lesser hott but identical scrotal move in Pic #2.
For her hot-pants and Cleavite paleness are vunderbar.
And Tiki Douche's undies poke and belt-studs are verboten verkleinshmidt nacht.
Or something.
HCwDB of the Week #3: Morris
Morris brings an extra serving of what we term Douche Aura. The desire to punch that far outweighs the actual list of scrotal fungus he presents in presence of his hott.
The hott is also problematic. She is cute, but perhaps not enough to compete with the other hotts in the Weekly.
Then there's Pic #2, where Morris brings annoying photoshop bleaching, annoying hottie Bleething, and a giant faux.
Even if Rage and Lust in the Time of Holbrooks! did amazing sleuthing and determined that Morris is actually last year's Crawdaddy, I'm still giving Morris another shot in the Weekly.
Because I'm generous like that.
(Dis)honorable mention to Clubholio, the Greaser and Bikini Hott from 'Bag / Nottabag, the Ass Pear n' Hat Tilt and the Beauty and Tool from Skull and Douchebones, whose comments threads shenanigans suggested a takedown on the way and thus disqualified them.
So them's your three.
Which pairing of scrote and suckle thigh rises to the top?
That's where I need your help.
Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 7:00 AM 
Comments:
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gotta go with Tiki Douche, I have no doubts that Morris is indeed Crawdaddy, and deserves a spot in the HoS with all his glory/douchebaggery
# posted by 
: 7:04 AM
: 7:04 AM
One protest vote for Clubholio. I want to punch that guy in the nads and Joker Hot makes me happy.
# posted by : 7:14 AM
: 7:14 AM
I'm voting for Weekend at Bennies because we've never had a zombie-douche before. Also, the lovely lady in white is the hottest and least bleethed of any to choose from in this pile.
I also stand by my fictional account that he's actually a dead douchebag that they've taped to a hand truck.
What's really outstanding with Weekend is that even in death / unconsciousness / alcoholic stupour he STILL makes the kissy face. Talk about an over the top effort. And lady in white has that "let's make love like crazed weasels" look in her eye. Poiyoiyoiyoing!!!
And the girl on the left? Not my type, but certainly less bleethed than Tiki douche's mamasita, who's all worn out - just look at the bags under her eyes... Eeeeeew! Yeah, Tiki's girl's got the mammaries, but she's also got short little knock kneed legs, and a fat arse. Yuk.
and Morris? He's a close second, but I doubt that the last reflexive action before he expired / became an undead zombie / passed out from guzzling a vat of jager would be to hold that kissy face. Also, Morris's hott is NOTT.
So, my vote is for Weekend Bennie.
I also stand by my fictional account that he's actually a dead douchebag that they've taped to a hand truck.
What's really outstanding with Weekend is that even in death / unconsciousness / alcoholic stupour he STILL makes the kissy face. Talk about an over the top effort. And lady in white has that "let's make love like crazed weasels" look in her eye. Poiyoiyoiyoing!!!
And the girl on the left? Not my type, but certainly less bleethed than Tiki douche's mamasita, who's all worn out - just look at the bags under her eyes... Eeeeeew! Yeah, Tiki's girl's got the mammaries, but she's also got short little knock kneed legs, and a fat arse. Yuk.
and Morris? He's a close second, but I doubt that the last reflexive action before he expired / became an undead zombie / passed out from guzzling a vat of jager would be to hold that kissy face. Also, Morris's hott is NOTT.
So, my vote is for Weekend Bennie.
Tiki FTW
He is triple distilled smegma MTV and its yearly "spring break" plasticized partying put in our collective faces every year. The assorted douche seen in the background of each picture makes me dream of being a German machine gunner and this being Omaha Beach.
-Batman's Nipple
He is triple distilled smegma MTV and its yearly "spring break" plasticized partying put in our collective faces every year. The assorted douche seen in the background of each picture makes me dream of being a German machine gunner and this being Omaha Beach.
-Batman's Nipple
# posted by : 7:46 AM
: 7:46 AM
Tiki FTW!
The only thing against this DB is his mortal sin of wrapping the mandana around his wrist. According to the DB clothing etiquette, a mandana is to be folded twice and neatly wrapped around the DB's forehead.
Putting that aside, this DB is picture-perfect for the brunette hottie standing next to him.
The only thing against this DB is his mortal sin of wrapping the mandana around his wrist. According to the DB clothing etiquette, a mandana is to be folded twice and neatly wrapped around the DB's forehead.
Putting that aside, this DB is picture-perfect for the brunette hottie standing next to him.
Let me see, a brief rundown is in order:
Bennie, he's a douchebag; with two hotts.
Tiki Douche, he's a douchebag-- with one hott.
Morris, he's a douchebag: he's got about an eigth of a hott.
Tiki Douche's hott is mostly unclothed, so she counts for maybe a hott and a half. Morris falls short, although with his delicately plucked eyebrows and sculpted rhinocerosian face he just begs to have red hot vicegrips snapped onto his putrid douchelips, which of course is one of the honors bestowed on the weekly winner.
Without getting overmuch into the mano a mano douchrement breakdown, Tiki has more douchrements, Bennie has less.
But Bennie has the choadacity to pose as if he's actually making the jizz in his pants, whereas Tiki Douche is mainly just a scrotewit who's been scribbled on.
Moreover, Bennie provided DB1 with the catalyst for the inspired discourse regarding Humanism and the underlying endeavour of all of homo sapiens. Except, of course, for this douchebag.
Bennie FT zombified W.
--VS
Bennie, he's a douchebag; with two hotts.
Tiki Douche, he's a douchebag-- with one hott.
Morris, he's a douchebag: he's got about an eigth of a hott.
Tiki Douche's hott is mostly unclothed, so she counts for maybe a hott and a half. Morris falls short, although with his delicately plucked eyebrows and sculpted rhinocerosian face he just begs to have red hot vicegrips snapped onto his putrid douchelips, which of course is one of the honors bestowed on the weekly winner.
Without getting overmuch into the mano a mano douchrement breakdown, Tiki has more douchrements, Bennie has less.
But Bennie has the choadacity to pose as if he's actually making the jizz in his pants, whereas Tiki Douche is mainly just a scrotewit who's been scribbled on.
Moreover, Bennie provided DB1 with the catalyst for the inspired discourse regarding Humanism and the underlying endeavour of all of homo sapiens. Except, of course, for this douchebag.
Bennie FT zombified W.
--VS
# posted by : 7:50 AM
: 7:50 AM
I'm going with Weekend at Bennies FTW. He makes me want to punch a poodle in the nads, too.
But let's give Tiki-douche props for a body of work. Not the highest quality hotts, but imbibing too much Grey Goose will improve the attractivness of any woman.
And Morris does give off a douche-aura. I'm going to take my monitor outside and burn it. I'd nuke it from orbit, but if I could do that, I'd simply nuke Morris from orbit.
Only way to be sure...
But let's give Tiki-douche props for a body of work. Not the highest quality hotts, but imbibing too much Grey Goose will improve the attractivness of any woman.
And Morris does give off a douche-aura. I'm going to take my monitor outside and burn it. I'd nuke it from orbit, but if I could do that, I'd simply nuke Morris from orbit.
Only way to be sure...
Tiki Douche FTW. Come on! Studded belt (like you've ever been to a punk show, shit bag), wallet chain (were you a skater in the early '90s?), wristdana (to wipe the grease from your shiny ass forehead perhaps?), idiotic mix of tribal and Asian letter tats (is there any culture you don't like to fetishize?), rosary beads (dumbest trend in ages), wrap around douche shades (douche), gelled faux hawk (douche), and various facial piercings (jackoff) make him the scroat of the week, for sure. The fact that such a luscious kitten is hanging off his arm demands the convening of a tribunal of the International Criminal Court. To The Hague with him!
# posted by : 7:53 AM
: 7:53 AM
Tiki FTW. His "body of work" begs that he win the DotW and begin his inevitable march to the HoS. Hell, scrote-boy may wind up with his own wing in the building.
# posted by : 7:53 AM
: 7:53 AM
Wow, this is tough.
One qualifier I've used before is how together the pairing is. I'm still with those who think Tiki just asked (grabbed long enough for his bro to snap the shot) random girls to take a pic with him.
With Bennie I keep having flash backs to Troys later post corrupting the marvelous prose of Mr White.
Morris on the other hand... the hotts close enough to qualify and the doucheitude would get an 11.5 out of 10.
Morris FTW.
One qualifier I've used before is how together the pairing is. I'm still with those who think Tiki just asked (grabbed long enough for his bro to snap the shot) random girls to take a pic with him.
With Bennie I keep having flash backs to Troys later post corrupting the marvelous prose of Mr White.
Morris on the other hand... the hotts close enough to qualify and the doucheitude would get an 11.5 out of 10.
Morris FTW.
# posted by : 7:55 AM
: 7:55 AM
Weekend at Bernie's. It would take a real douchebag to unironically listen to Dokken.
# posted by : 8:01 AM
: 8:01 AM
Bennie FTW. If nothing else, his girls seem too sweet and innocent to be with that pile of human excrement.
# posted by : 8:04 AM
: 8:04 AM
Morris ftw.
He is douchey enough to make it into the weekly, yet his photoshopped picture shows that he wants to be even MORE douchetastic.
He may not be the douchiest right now, but in a years time I guarantee you he will be the scrotiest of these three, by a long long way.
He is douchey enough to make it into the weekly, yet his photoshopped picture shows that he wants to be even MORE douchetastic.
He may not be the douchiest right now, but in a years time I guarantee you he will be the scrotiest of these three, by a long long way.
# posted by : 8:05 AM
: 8:05 AM
The pic for Weekend at Bennie's was taken 0.5 seconds after my Tae Kwon Leep Boot to the Head; it's an instinctive reaction. Unfortunately it failed to dislodge either the facade of juvenile badassery or the kissy lips. Must get back to the dojo. And I'll be taking Julia Roberts hott and her BFF with me where I flail about their heads with other bodily appendages.
Tiki; yeah, sure, he's a douche, but seriously, voting for Tiki in that setting is like going on safari to the Serengeti and trying to pick which wildebeest in the migration herd is the ugliest.
Morris; not real. Very good wax caricature of a human. Still deserves a severe beating.
So that's an unqualified vote for Weekend at Bennie's.
Tiki; yeah, sure, he's a douche, but seriously, voting for Tiki in that setting is like going on safari to the Serengeti and trying to pick which wildebeest in the migration herd is the ugliest.
Morris; not real. Very good wax caricature of a human. Still deserves a severe beating.
So that's an unqualified vote for Weekend at Bennie's.
Tiki,
In addition to maxing out the douchessories in every catagory, which evidences a long and consistent application to the craft, only Tiki had the foresight to grease paint the schlong and balls on his forehead. He clearly wanted it more. He can have it. Nice work Tiki, we look forward to your next douche signifier - in fact, why don't you go grab that sweet rainbow-colored mini fedora from your 1994 celica, this crowd is cool enough for it.
King Kamehameha
In addition to maxing out the douchessories in every catagory, which evidences a long and consistent application to the craft, only Tiki had the foresight to grease paint the schlong and balls on his forehead. He clearly wanted it more. He can have it. Nice work Tiki, we look forward to your next douche signifier - in fact, why don't you go grab that sweet rainbow-colored mini fedora from your 1994 celica, this crowd is cool enough for it.
King Kamehameha
# posted by : 8:22 AM
: 8:22 AM
An interesting week. We have two candidates running almost exclusively on Hott and Douche Aura (WaB's and Morris).
The Tikki Douche platform however is well rounded, like his hott's knockers. It also includes a heaping helping of DA.
TD's hott, Pam, stands head and boobies above the rest. And that's a big plus. And by plus, I mean minus.
(S)TD+Pam FTW
AV
The Tikki Douche platform however is well rounded, like his hott's knockers. It also includes a heaping helping of DA.
TD's hott, Pam, stands head and boobies above the rest. And that's a big plus. And by plus, I mean minus.
(S)TD+Pam FTW
AV
# posted by : 8:24 AM
: 8:24 AM
I'll go with Tiki. Too bad we may get a take down from Skull and Douchebones. Who told them? Anyway, I was hoping we could get a pic of the Porcelain Hott for the Hall of Hott. Maybe she'll be a sport and send us a solo pic for the hall. Make it happen DB1.
# posted by : 8:25 AM
: 8:25 AM
Morris makes my ears bleed with contemptible rage. His aura of douche is potent and detestable. He is ulti-scrote.
and if I am not mistaken, he looks just as choad-errific in the Friday Haiku.
and if I am not mistaken, he looks just as choad-errific in the Friday Haiku.
# posted by : 8:51 AM
: 8:51 AM
The rage that I feel seeing Morris anywhere near a working vagina, that rage is why I vote him for the Weekly.
The rage that I feel seeing Morris anywhere near a working vagina, that rage is why I vote him for the Weekly.
Bennie - complete douche with two unbleethed hotts is a clear "winner" - and by winner, I mean complete turdburglar who makes me want to slaughter orphaned dolphins...
# posted by : 8:56 AM
: 8:56 AM
Are you kidding me? Giant arm tats, super extra stupid sunglasses, white belt with studs, stupid pouty face? Super douche.
As to the topic of Hot? Stripy shorts make everyone happy!
As to the topic of Hot? Stripy shorts make everyone happy!
# posted by : 8:56 AM
: 8:56 AM
weekend at bennie's
with a great many bags, one is inclined to question their manhood, by the auspices of male adolescent bonding.with bennie we question his respirationhood
with a great many bags, one is inclined to question their manhood, by the auspices of male adolescent bonding.with bennie we question his respirationhood
Morris
Mainly because of his nose piercing.
I think he might be gay, but just because you like the peen doesn't mean you have to douche it up.
Mainly because of his nose piercing.
I think he might be gay, but just because you like the peen doesn't mean you have to douche it up.
weekend at bennie's
everything about that pose makes me want to go outside and beat the stray cats in the alley.
everything about that pose makes me want to go outside and beat the stray cats in the alley.
Weekend at Bennie's, for I'm in love with red top's subtle, girl-in-the-next-cubicle charms. Also, because Troy busted out not only the Dokken comment, but also took my trifling attempt at lesbian erotica and built it into a full on, necrophiliac, group-sex-with-corpse gang bang.
I'll pretend my vote is a bucket of guano and toss it at Tiki Douche. For he is poo.
# posted by : 9:19 AM
: 9:19 AM
Hold on a minute ....
Crawdady removes the guyliner and kissy face, becomes Morris and miraculously gets hotter Hotts? What's that tell ya? Is he reversing the douch virus,... getting cured?
I think Db1 may have an actual case of douchebaggery wearing off in the Mo-ster .....
That said let's not buck the trend,..
Weekend at Bennie's/Dehumanism is sporting the best looking Bleeth of the year on the right there.
She's wearing a white top and has neither pit stains nor deoderant runoff.
Like I said before, she's PeggyFlemingBleeth
I'd like to stroke her lobes as she sitspinned a toeloop over my ears as I buried my face into her Hamel Camel until she screamed in ectasy into a Bielman position orgasm that melted the ice right then and there.
Ahem,.. Weekend at Bennie's/Dehumanism FTW
Crawdady removes the guyliner and kissy face, becomes Morris and miraculously gets hotter Hotts? What's that tell ya? Is he reversing the douch virus,... getting cured?
I think Db1 may have an actual case of douchebaggery wearing off in the Mo-ster .....
That said let's not buck the trend,..
Weekend at Bennie's/Dehumanism is sporting the best looking Bleeth of the year on the right there.
She's wearing a white top and has neither pit stains nor deoderant runoff.
Like I said before, she's PeggyFlemingBleeth
I'd like to stroke her lobes as she sitspinned a toeloop over my ears as I buried my face into her Hamel Camel until she screamed in ectasy into a Bielman position orgasm that melted the ice right then and there.
Ahem,.. Weekend at Bennie's/Dehumanism FTW
It's Morris, obviously! Tiki is a boring, jersey boardwalk douchebag clone. Morris on the other hand, is a man of many faces. Well, one face... one ugly, douchey, kissy face. The fauxhawk pushes him into the win for me. And by win, I mean woodchipper. GO MO!
The Hot Chick part of the equation is clearly the brunette from Weekend at Bennie’s. The With Douchebag part of the equation falls more into Morris or Tiki territory. This may leave some with a difficult decision to make.
However, I’ve made the surprisingly easy decision to hand the voting over to my pee pee piston. And by ‘hand the voting over…’ well, you kids these days know what I mean.
Weekend at Bennie’s for the win.
However, I’ve made the surprisingly easy decision to hand the voting over to my pee pee piston. And by ‘hand the voting over…’ well, you kids these days know what I mean.
Weekend at Bennie’s for the win.
Tiki FTW.....
And by win I mean castrate this piece of dreck with a rusted Mach II disposible razor.
And by win I mean castrate this piece of dreck with a rusted Mach II disposible razor.
# posted by : 10:04 AM
: 10:04 AM
Morris. His face makes me wish I punched him to look like that rather than being voluntary.
# posted by : 10:32 AM
: 10:32 AM
Tiki FTW!
This douche has the bad tats, wristdanna, and that unmistakeable douche look in his face.Also,he is so douchey that he has managed to curse the tiki and turned it douchey!!
This douche has the bad tats, wristdanna, and that unmistakeable douche look in his face.Also,he is so douchey that he has managed to curse the tiki and turned it douchey!!
# posted by : 10:45 AM
: 10:45 AM
In my opinion Bennie has the hottest hotts and he seems to say with his suggestive pose, "I'm fking so fking cool macking these fking hotts, come on over to the fking douchey side". Also I imagine that is how he will look after I cold clock his ass and then rescue his wholesome and soft boobied hotts. With the popped collar, blig, shaved chest, deformed ears and criscoed hair, Bennie FTW.
Tiki FTW
Why?
1) His bullsh*t, thrown-together tattoo.
2) Rosary bead subbed in for a wallet chain, a new douche accessory.
3) Studded belt.
4) A douche in his natural habitat - a boardwalk at the Jersey Shore.
5) The Hott's bikini top.
6) Because the omnipotent Bud Light Tiki God told me so.
Why?
1) His bullsh*t, thrown-together tattoo.
2) Rosary bead subbed in for a wallet chain, a new douche accessory.
3) Studded belt.
4) A douche in his natural habitat - a boardwalk at the Jersey Shore.
5) The Hott's bikini top.
6) Because the omnipotent Bud Light Tiki God told me so.
# posted by : 11:17 AM
: 11:17 AM
+++
Tiki laps the competition, and then some. Too much douche to stop. The tatt's are garish and tacky. The HOTT is oral-able... I especially like the sacreligious "Bud Light" "Totem pole" - that's gotta make some Metlakatla and Tlingit Tree Carvers roll over in their soggy graves...
Ouch.
Tiki laps the competition, and then some. Too much douche to stop. The tatt's are garish and tacky. The HOTT is oral-able... I especially like the sacreligious "Bud Light" "Totem pole" - that's gotta make some Metlakatla and Tlingit Tree Carvers roll over in their soggy graves...
Ouch.
Tiki Douche FTW. For, as the ancients carved their history into wood, so hath Tiki Douche carved his greasiness onto my soul.
I'm wearing a spiked belt right now, myself. Being priggish about where these things come from, I don't think some discodouche has the right, any more than these Bleeths have the right to wear anything with skulls on it. I drank with Charlie Harper one time and I have pretty much everything GG Allin ever recorded, on vinyl, natch. Tiki Douche wouldn't even know who that was, therefore, I will remove that belt and beat him across the face until the buckle breaks his douche shades and dislodges one of his eyeballs.
Tribal tattoos with kanjis; even more so a Mark Of The Douche than the ol twig n' berries on the forehead. And then with that lovely rash-looking crap around it...is that a physical manifestation of GV? Does that spread until he's entirely orange?
And for standing on the boardwalk, grabbing random chicks and having someone take his photo, he is a giant, giant taintwrangler. Not that the Jerz boardwalk has anything in the way of culture, but with a few things to see and do, you chose standing in one spot, taking photos with random skanks? And it's not as if it's an art project or a sociological experiment, no. It's all part of keeping up with the douches. It's bragging to your bros about how many chicks you DIDN'T sleep with. You'd have better luck with that ottoman, I hear it's pretty slutty.
Tiki Douche FTW and by win I mean carving my likeness into his chest with a bone chisel and then burying him headfirst in the ground.
I'm wearing a spiked belt right now, myself. Being priggish about where these things come from, I don't think some discodouche has the right, any more than these Bleeths have the right to wear anything with skulls on it. I drank with Charlie Harper one time and I have pretty much everything GG Allin ever recorded, on vinyl, natch. Tiki Douche wouldn't even know who that was, therefore, I will remove that belt and beat him across the face until the buckle breaks his douche shades and dislodges one of his eyeballs.
Tribal tattoos with kanjis; even more so a Mark Of The Douche than the ol twig n' berries on the forehead. And then with that lovely rash-looking crap around it...is that a physical manifestation of GV? Does that spread until he's entirely orange?
And for standing on the boardwalk, grabbing random chicks and having someone take his photo, he is a giant, giant taintwrangler. Not that the Jerz boardwalk has anything in the way of culture, but with a few things to see and do, you chose standing in one spot, taking photos with random skanks? And it's not as if it's an art project or a sociological experiment, no. It's all part of keeping up with the douches. It's bragging to your bros about how many chicks you DIDN'T sleep with. You'd have better luck with that ottoman, I hear it's pretty slutty.
Tiki Douche FTW and by win I mean carving my likeness into his chest with a bone chisel and then burying him headfirst in the ground.
#2 Tiki Douche. Why? Because his tattoo looks like he let a first grader take to his arm with permanent marker. and because he is making the obnoxious rocker hand signal. and the kissy face. which makes me want to slap with with a dead fish.
He combed/brushed his side hair forward, he has the remnants of a fauxhawk, and he allowed tattoo academy students to use his body as a canvas.
No doubt that began in prison, judging from his "I was rammed in the ass really hard and repeatedly" posture. See, the side hair thing is because Tiki's cellmate forced his head down while.....do I need to finish that thought?
I give the Weekly to Tiki Barfer Douche because he didn't retire as a ball carrier after getting paroled.
No doubt that began in prison, judging from his "I was rammed in the ass really hard and repeatedly" posture. See, the side hair thing is because Tiki's cellmate forced his head down while.....do I need to finish that thought?
I give the Weekly to Tiki Barfer Douche because he didn't retire as a ball carrier after getting paroled.
Tiki Douche FTW. I wanna pick that Bud Lite totem pole and smack him with it.
# posted by : 12:51 PM
: 12:51 PM
@pfah, 8:47 a.m. -
You didn't do that for DB1 - I think it's because it was just there.
I think I can also safely assume it's not the first time you've performed said soft slap.....today.
You didn't do that for DB1 - I think it's because it was just there.
I think I can also safely assume it's not the first time you've performed said soft slap.....today.
A pretty weak bag this week. I'll abstain - no, wait: A write-in ballot for Brothabag Leon.
# posted by : 12:54 PM
: 12:54 PM
Is Douchebaggery genetic? Looking at Morris brings this question to mind. Tiki Douche and WaBennies are manufactured douche to be sure. But Morris brings the inherent douchebag attributes to fruition through his very eyes. I honestly don't believe that Morris could ever NOT be a douche. It is his very soul. Morris for the win.
# posted by : 1:15 PM
: 1:15 PM
Bennie shows how it is possible to live life on the douche side and yet simultaneously sport cornea blinding Jesus bling that is so bright you could bend over and make taint waffles for everyone in the class.
W@B FTW!
W@B FTW!
Tiki Douche. He has competition in his own photo and manages to outdouche them.
# posted by : 1:38 PM
: 1:38 PM
Tiki Douche's hott is hotter'n a blue-giant star. Now THAT's hot.
He gets the weekly nod for bagging such a lustrous beauty while maintaining a scrote presence.
He gets the weekly nod for bagging such a lustrous beauty while maintaining a scrote presence.
# posted by : 1:59 PM
: 1:59 PM
I'm in a quandary because:
1) Morris reminds me of an animated mucous membrane secreted after Joel Cairo violated Wilmer Cook while Sam Spade kicked both of them in the nuts. Morris is a gunsel that smells of gardenias and desperation.
2) Tiki's ADHD douchitude is pure congealed smegma. Take in the full spectrum on display: the schizo tattoo scribblings, the chain and studded belt, the beads and the cheap sunglasses, wrist mandana and tiny fauxhawk. Perhaps it is the frozen "rock on, smell my finger" pose that pushes me over an edge that has me contemplating eating a plate of stir-fried weasel taints just for the chance to liver punch him until I hear something soft inside go squish.
To resolve this dilemma I used a complex quantitative approach. I like the blue boobies. They turn my Maltese Falcon into the stuff dreams are made of.
Tiki FTW
1) Morris reminds me of an animated mucous membrane secreted after Joel Cairo violated Wilmer Cook while Sam Spade kicked both of them in the nuts. Morris is a gunsel that smells of gardenias and desperation.
2) Tiki's ADHD douchitude is pure congealed smegma. Take in the full spectrum on display: the schizo tattoo scribblings, the chain and studded belt, the beads and the cheap sunglasses, wrist mandana and tiny fauxhawk. Perhaps it is the frozen "rock on, smell my finger" pose that pushes me over an edge that has me contemplating eating a plate of stir-fried weasel taints just for the chance to liver punch him until I hear something soft inside go squish.
To resolve this dilemma I used a complex quantitative approach. I like the blue boobies. They turn my Maltese Falcon into the stuff dreams are made of.
Tiki FTW
# posted by : 2:06 PM
: 2:06 PM
Can't go with Tiki Douche. He got out-douched by that crappy Bud Light Totem Pole. And how can you win anything if you let that happen?
Bennie is out too. Sure, he's got the rigor mortis induced Kissy Face Of Eternity, but Momma always told me not to speak ill of the dead until they start to stink up the basement.
Which brings us to Morris. While the hott ain't exactly smokin' she does have that "Hey, it's 10 minutes to closing, and I won't tell your friends if you don't tell mine" thing going. But Morris is just trying too hard. It's like he decided scoring a Bleeth was better than being a virgin his whole life, so he went out and got a himself a "Douchebagging It For Dummies" book and just read the back cover. Not worth the win.
So, in a Florida-2000-recount-frenzy-inducing wildcard, I cast a write-in vote for the Bud Light Totem Pole.
Lawyers, to your briefcases!
Bennie is out too. Sure, he's got the rigor mortis induced Kissy Face Of Eternity, but Momma always told me not to speak ill of the dead until they start to stink up the basement.
Which brings us to Morris. While the hott ain't exactly smokin' she does have that "Hey, it's 10 minutes to closing, and I won't tell your friends if you don't tell mine" thing going. But Morris is just trying too hard. It's like he decided scoring a Bleeth was better than being a virgin his whole life, so he went out and got a himself a "Douchebagging It For Dummies" book and just read the back cover. Not worth the win.
So, in a Florida-2000-recount-frenzy-inducing wildcard, I cast a write-in vote for the Bud Light Totem Pole.
Lawyers, to your briefcases!
# posted by : 2:38 PM
: 2:38 PM
I've already done my patriotic duty this week, so a vote for Bennie's Weekenders in their red, white and blue is OUT.
And I've already done my recycling duty this week, so a vote for Morris in all his green glory is OUT.
That leaves Tiki Douche and Blue on Blue Hott. May the Tiki gods shine upon them and bless them for the weekly, for here we have the perfect coupling of a Hotchick and a Douchebag, one on one, equal and equal, half-nekkid and half-nekkid.
And I've already done my recycling duty this week, so a vote for Morris in all his green glory is OUT.
That leaves Tiki Douche and Blue on Blue Hott. May the Tiki gods shine upon them and bless them for the weekly, for here we have the perfect coupling of a Hotchick and a Douchebag, one on one, equal and equal, half-nekkid and half-nekkid.
# posted by : 2:38 PM
: 2:38 PM
Tiki -- not the douchiest we've ever had, but the others are just wannabes. Bennie would have to show up in a few more pix before I'd believe that's not just an unfortunate snapshot -- with unfortunate Jesus bling.
Anyway Tiki has the best hott, a bonus douche or three in the background, and who can resist a tiki totem pole?
Anyway Tiki has the best hott, a bonus douche or three in the background, and who can resist a tiki totem pole?
# posted by : 2:45 PM
: 2:45 PM
My mistress' cat would bury Morris in her litterpan and leave him to ponder if there are eight more lives left.
Then the cat would use the Tiki statue for a scratching post, and rub up against the brunette hottie's legs.
And I, I would like to raise my hind leg in a piss-toast to Bennie for acting like such a bored dog-turd around two nice ladies.
Bennie for the weekly dog-grooming, or whatever. He sure needs it.
Then the cat would use the Tiki statue for a scratching post, and rub up against the brunette hottie's legs.
And I, I would like to raise my hind leg in a piss-toast to Bennie for acting like such a bored dog-turd around two nice ladies.
Bennie for the weekly dog-grooming, or whatever. He sure needs it.
# posted by : 3:03 PM
: 3:03 PM
The scrote known as Morris photo-shopped the picture the make himself look more douche(y). This type of commitment to the douche craft deserves to be (dis)honored with the weekly.
Regardless, none of these choads have a chance against Bucky in the monthly.
Regardless, none of these choads have a chance against Bucky in the monthly.
Tiki Douche FTW. His kissy face is so practiced that he no longer has to force it.
# posted by : 5:27 PM
: 5:27 PM
Morris FTW even though he has less "adouche-tremont" as the other bags have , that face screams patient zero for the Greico Virus
DOUUUUUUUUUCHE!
DOUUUUUUUUUCHE!
# posted by : 5:33 PM
: 5:33 PM
Tiki Douche. He is a tribag shaman who magically levitates hair and makes human decency vanish before your eyes. Because of a douchenerative nerve disease he is incapable of lifting his hand above an ample bosom.
# posted by : 8:59 PM
: 8:59 PM
remind me to cast a vote tomorrow PM when I can have a few beers in my gullet. I have to take a piss test for a defense contractor tomorrow AM so I am suffering a paucity of alcohol induced sarcasm tonight. 24 hrs should cure it.
# posted by : 9:28 PM
: 9:28 PM
Even a pacifist would have to punch Morris in the face but I'm going with Tiki FTW
# posted by : 9:32 PM
: 9:32 PM
Morris FTW. There's a certain je ne sais quoi about him. He's certainly nothing we haven't seen before but his Everydouche persona is greater than the sum of his waxed and plucked parts. And while the hott is probably the weakest on display this week (notwithstanding the Margot Tenenbaum eyeliner), there's something about the way she isn't bothered at all by Morris that really bothers me.
# posted by : 10:06 PM
: 10:06 PM
Tiki Douche, his tatoo is equal parts Aztec, Japanese, Chinese, Birthmark, and tribal.
# posted by : 10:22 PM
: 10:22 PM
if Tiki Douche consistently pulls top quality hotts, then i'd vote for him.
wait.
on second thought, i'd rather that the conditions under which i'd vote for him never be realized.
therefore, i'm voting for Weekend at Bennie's. and i hope those are the only two hotts Bennie ever macked on in his undead non-life.
wait.
on second thought, i'd rather that the conditions under which i'd vote for him never be realized.
therefore, i'm voting for Weekend at Bennie's. and i hope those are the only two hotts Bennie ever macked on in his undead non-life.
Gotta go with Tiki on this one, whereas 'Bra!' never really angered me, this guy needs to be tied to four snowmobiles going in four different directions, very slowly.
As to the mamacita, sure, once she pops out a couple of pups, and turns into a whining, demanding, superficial bitch,its all over, but, I'd be loooooooong gone by then. for now, she's workin' pretty good for moi
Ol'bag
As to the mamacita, sure, once she pops out a couple of pups, and turns into a whining, demanding, superficial bitch,its all over, but, I'd be loooooooong gone by then. for now, she's workin' pretty good for moi
Ol'bag
# posted by : 5:19 AM
: 5:19 AM
Two of them I can try to convince myself are just faking it or pulling weird faces. Tiki Douche is full-on, born and bred at least 2nd generation guido freak and his existence offends me.
If I had a rabies-infected wolverine I think I would most like to unleash it upon Bennie. Two hotts + too cool to look at camera = one huge douche!
Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
# posted by : 5:57 AM
: 5:57 AM
One enthusiastic vote for Tiki Douche - and with a nod to the rest of his supporting cast there at Trader Prick's. He'd be a solid choice even in a fairly normal poolside milieu, but the deck-of-fools scenery seals the win for me.
Anon Gee Bee
Anon Gee Bee
# posted by : 6:24 AM
: 6:24 AM
OK: the Tiki Douche is plenty entertaining, and clearly a huge douchebag, but the hapless Morris gets my vote. This putz has enough douchecentricity to get the prize without accoutrement, but Morris still douches it up with goofy D neck shirt, fake dog tags, obnoxious kissy faces, stoopid hand gestures, etc. I am not inspired, but I would still let my daughter kick him in the nuts.
# posted by : 6:50 AM
: 6:50 AM
Eish.. I'm torn between Bennie and Tiki. Both smell like rotting pigs vomit even through my monitor.
Gots to go with Tiki. He's actually trying real hard to be noticed. Mandanna? Jeans at the beach? Those tatts? Seriously.
Gots to go with Tiki. He's actually trying real hard to be noticed. Mandanna? Jeans at the beach? Those tatts? Seriously.
For the red and white Christmas-present hotts, for pulling off the dangerous triple-axis-head-toss while performing kissy-face with his eyes closed, and mostly for offering up a straight shot at his doofy chin, my vote goes to Weekend at Bernies.
Fuck. This is poo on poo on poo action right here.
Bennie just jizzed. In. His. Pants. Maybe he was communing with God and it was really good. It'd have to be to wear such a monstrosity of a cross.
Yes Tiki Douche, I can see her boobs. I'd see more of them if your fugly ass wasn't in the way asshole. Bud Light Tiki, fuck me, their merchandising department should be destroyed. I'd release millions of termites upon this scene so that when the douche and bleeth are bumping and grinding to the latest shitty club hits the floor would collapse in a spectacularly horrible accident; impaling the greico virus in all sorts of entertaining ways.
Morris must be gay, no self respecting man has a fucking sparkly nose stud. Or I guess, no man I would respect.
V-Neck: Check
Dog Tag: Check
Peace Sign: Check
Waxed eyebrows: Check
Kissy lips I want to douse in kerosene and set on fire: Double check!
Gay Boi Faux diamond stud earrings: Check-a-rooney!
If she didn't have the emogirl eyeliner on I would like her more.
I'm going to have to throw my vote hat at Morris. And by hat I mean ice pick.
Bennie just jizzed. In. His. Pants. Maybe he was communing with God and it was really good. It'd have to be to wear such a monstrosity of a cross.
Yes Tiki Douche, I can see her boobs. I'd see more of them if your fugly ass wasn't in the way asshole. Bud Light Tiki, fuck me, their merchandising department should be destroyed. I'd release millions of termites upon this scene so that when the douche and bleeth are bumping and grinding to the latest shitty club hits the floor would collapse in a spectacularly horrible accident; impaling the greico virus in all sorts of entertaining ways.
Morris must be gay, no self respecting man has a fucking sparkly nose stud. Or I guess, no man I would respect.
V-Neck: Check
Dog Tag: Check
Peace Sign: Check
Waxed eyebrows: Check
Kissy lips I want to douse in kerosene and set on fire: Double check!
Gay Boi Faux diamond stud earrings: Check-a-rooney!
If she didn't have the emogirl eyeliner on I would like her more.
I'm going to have to throw my vote hat at Morris. And by hat I mean ice pick.
Some weeks give us one clear winner. Others give us none. This one gives us 3 possible Monthly contenders.
I was all ready to give my vote to the Tiki Douche for his body of scrotal work. That said, Weekend at Bernie's brings 2 quality hotts (right-side hott > left-side hott but neither would get kicked out of mom's basement) while Tiki brings Bleethed out offerings to the Bud Light Totem Pole. And Morris is a true scrotal stain BUT there's not enough of his hott to gauge.
In the end this site is HOT CHICKS with Douchebags. So for that reason, WaB ftw.
-- Indouchey Jones
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I was all ready to give my vote to the Tiki Douche for his body of scrotal work. That said, Weekend at Bernie's brings 2 quality hotts (right-side hott > left-side hott but neither would get kicked out of mom's basement) while Tiki brings Bleethed out offerings to the Bud Light Totem Pole. And Morris is a true scrotal stain BUT there's not enough of his hott to gauge.
In the end this site is HOT CHICKS with Douchebags. So for that reason, WaB ftw.
-- Indouchey Jones
# posted by : 4:56 PM
: 4:56 PM << Home
