Friday, July 03, 2009
Independence Day Thoughts and Links
Random Friday Thoughts on this July 4th Weekend as we remember the Punctured Balloon and his bevy of Vegas Hott:
So if "underground" artists Shepard Farey and Banksy got in a fight, which 1980s ironic image would win? Mike Tyson's Punchout? Or the Commando poster?
"We got both kinds! Country and Western!" With all this Michael Jackson nostalgia over the past week, it's time to remember the true genius of that time: John Landis. He altered my childhood the way a child molesting uncle might. Only instead of fondling my pubescent peepee, I laughed a lot.
I'm off to New Hampshire to hang with nature and pretend there never were forty different brands of spikey hair gel in every Rite-Aid. So here's your abbreviated Friday Links:
The Lohan pics with twits.
Joey from The Real World: Hollywood now has his own website. You can Win a Day with Joey. Next week, you can "Help Joey Pay His Rent."
Speaking of disposable celebs, Megan Fox and 90210 Douche are making a strong case for a 2009 Douchie Award.
I get that retro-nostalgia works on a twenty year roll, but do we really have to nostalgically recall Hammertime?
Ed Hardy now sells toys to kids, including a Remote Control Pirate Ship. I'm torn between lamenting the garishness of our cultural decline, and wanting it.
And finally, say what you will about her annoying pseudo-celeb status, but we gotta give it up to Kardouchian Ass Pear. From a silent aesthetic perspective, those mounds is glorious.
Go forth and celebrate!! It's drinkin' time.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 12:07 PM 
Comments:
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God bless Kim Kardashian. It's like having a replacement Salma Hayek in the pantry before the first one's even used up yet.
Yanno, Megan Fox wants to be taken seriously as an actress now? I mean, I didn't expect that to happen before she took her top off in something.
I know Megan Fox is supposed to be the hottest hott that ever hotted, but I just dunno... Maybe it's because she comes across as a vapid whore in all of her interviews, but I found this description--given in a recent review of the Transformers flick--to ring true:
"Megan Fox is the kind of chick you'd find puking up Grey Goose and painkillers in the backseat of your best bro's Jeep Renegade."
"Megan Fox is the kind of chick you'd find puking up Grey Goose and painkillers in the backseat of your best bro's Jeep Renegade."
My favorite fallout from the Megan Fox/Michael Bay catfight is Bay claiming that she should stfu cuz he's a starmaker. Which in her case, is undeniably true. But then he went on to claim that ARMAGEDDON made Ben Affleck a star.
Fuck you, Michael Bay, and I mean that in a bad way. The only thing ARMAGEDDON made was Roger Ebert projectile vomit Rex Reed's clum baby. You're a bajillionaire from the scraps that fall off of ILM's table and that's all you are: you will eat it and like it!
Fuck you, Michael Bay, and I mean that in a bad way. The only thing ARMAGEDDON made was Roger Ebert projectile vomit Rex Reed's clum baby. You're a bajillionaire from the scraps that fall off of ILM's table and that's all you are: you will eat it and like it!
Oh and one more thing: after the number you did on TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, AMITYVILLE HORROR and FRIDAY THE 13TH, and for what I'm sure will be like unto cultural chain rape on the new NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, do not think for a moment that Hollywood will forgive you if you phone in THE BIRDS. There are some graves that you don't get to dance on. Your own not being one of them.
Damn you, Angel of Death!!! Why did you have to take Billy Mays when there were so many other choices????
Damn you, Angel of Death!!! Why did you have to take Billy Mays when there were so many other choices????
Is it just me or does Kardouchian's ass crack start WAY high?
Army of Douche-ness.
Army of Douche-ness.
# posted by 
: 12:49 PM
: 12:49 PM
Is it just me or does Kardouchian's ass crack start WAY high?
Army of Douche-ness.
Army of Douche-ness.
# posted by : 12:49 PM
: 12:49 PM
Boss:
Re: Joey Kovar
Why did you send us to a gay porn site?
"The greatness of another man is not determined by being superior to another man, but by being superior to HIS former self!"
Uhhh...what? Joey musta wrote that himself.
Re: Joey Kovar
Why did you send us to a gay porn site?
"The greatness of another man is not determined by being superior to another man, but by being superior to HIS former self!"
Uhhh...what? Joey musta wrote that himself.
Re: Michael Bay
He is the sole reason we must win the War on Drugs.
As long as there's cocaine, he'll keep making these cash cows to keep his boogers white.
He is the sole reason we must win the War on Drugs.
As long as there's cocaine, he'll keep making these cash cows to keep his boogers white.
regarding the Lohan pic:
I hate to quote Dane Cook, but: "Someone shit on, or around, the coat area".
I hate to quote Dane Cook, but: "Someone shit on, or around, the coat area".
# posted by : 1:02 PM
: 1:02 PM
@ douche-ness
Don't ever question the start or finish of an ass crack. Each ass-crack has it's own very special personality. Please don't ever doubt nature's perfect plan.
Don't ever question the start or finish of an ass crack. Each ass-crack has it's own very special personality. Please don't ever doubt nature's perfect plan.
# posted by : 1:13 PM
: 1:13 PM
The Lohan pic also led to Ed Hardy, this time Ed Hardy ladies' swimsuits. Somehow I don't find them offensive. Somehow I hardly even notice them, in fact.
# posted by : 1:59 PM
: 1:59 PM
Huh. I wouldn't trust a club with a two-word name and both words were misspelled. But that's just me. Wow, that pic got yanked down quick. They're on to us.
Joey Kovar. Is this for real? Really, this is real? bcs, did you do that? Seriously. This is for real?
Figures the winner is from East Chicago. And East Chicago doesn't mean the East Side of Chicago, that would be Lake Michigan. East Chicago is in Indiana. Imagine if Vegas had an operating budget of $100 a week, it's kinda like that.
Well, it looks like Punctured Balloon got a little patch job and refill. Good on ya, man. 44 psi of Douche.
Joey Kovar. Is this for real? Really, this is real? bcs, did you do that? Seriously. This is for real?
Figures the winner is from East Chicago. And East Chicago doesn't mean the East Side of Chicago, that would be Lake Michigan. East Chicago is in Indiana. Imagine if Vegas had an operating budget of $100 a week, it's kinda like that.
Well, it looks like Punctured Balloon got a little patch job and refill. Good on ya, man. 44 psi of Douche.
Random musings:
I think I caught some STD from looking at LaLohan's picture. Just sayin'
If Megan Fox wants to win a Douchie, she ain't getting my vote until she's shed a few clothes. Or screwed my brains out. Voter tampering is definitely encouraged.
And the Kardouchian? as nice as that looks, the amzing thing?? she's not the best looking one of Mr. Kardouchian's daughters.
I think I caught some STD from looking at LaLohan's picture. Just sayin'
If Megan Fox wants to win a Douchie, she ain't getting my vote until she's shed a few clothes. Or screwed my brains out. Voter tampering is definitely encouraged.
And the Kardouchian? as nice as that looks, the amzing thing?? she's not the best looking one of Mr. Kardouchian's daughters.
IRA DA reminded me of something I saw the other day online--there was a sign in the men's room at a bar that read, "For as good as she looks, there is still a man somewhere who is sick of putting up with her shit." Snicker. Allright, I gotta make a pie and get the hell off this infernal machine.
Agree with Goolo. It's nice to have a backup for Salma in the pantry, and some nice olive oils, too.
Kardouchian's ass crack made me forget what I was gonna say. And, I don't care where it starts, that's where I'd start.
Kardouchian's ass crack made me forget what I was gonna say. And, I don't care where it starts, that's where I'd start.
The "HATTERS" pissed off "Skull and Douchebags" - he posted on that thread, so a takedown is likely.
From the MySpace page he voluntarily posted:
"I OFFICIALY MADE THE hotchickswithdouchbags websitE haha check it out its .com... FUCKIN HATERS GET A LIFE...Mood: aggravated 1 hour ago"
He's laughing yet aggravated. Hmmmmm.....
From the MySpace page he voluntarily posted:
"I OFFICIALY MADE THE hotchickswithdouchbags websitE haha check it out its .com... FUCKIN HATERS GET A LIFE...Mood: aggravated 1 hour ago"
He's laughing yet aggravated. Hmmmmm.....
Kardouchian Ass has rescued me from throwing myself off the nearest bridge after seeing that Hammertime was not dead...and that Ed Hardy's sellouts know no bounds, or Joey Kovar's ego needs it's own planetary system...though I did throw up in my mouth a little bit while trying to simultaneously hang myself while beating it to Thriller...
Did the blonde in the pic above do a guest spot on Welcome Back Kotter? The hair and the headband insist it's true.
# posted by : 4:06 PM
: 4:06 PM
@ Medusa 2:23
The orginal saying was:
"No matter how hot she is there's a guy sick of fucking her."
I believe the proof of this is Billy Joel, Bruce Willis, David Justice and Lee Majors.
That's Christy Brinkley, Demi Moore, Halle Berry and Farrah Fawcett if you're keeping score at home, folks.
The orginal saying was:
"No matter how hot she is there's a guy sick of fucking her."
I believe the proof of this is Billy Joel, Bruce Willis, David Justice and Lee Majors.
That's Christy Brinkley, Demi Moore, Halle Berry and Farrah Fawcett if you're keeping score at home, folks.
It's actually a two-way street:
No matter how hot HE is, or was, there's a chick sick of fucking him:
As in:
Alec Baldwin-Kim Basinger
Tom Cruise-two ex-wives and maybe counting
Hugh Hefner and too many to count
No matter how hot HE is, or was, there's a chick sick of fucking him:
As in:
Alec Baldwin-Kim Basinger
Tom Cruise-two ex-wives and maybe counting
Hugh Hefner and too many to count
# posted by : 6:15 PM
: 6:15 PM
Megan Fox ... could she be the... 21st Century Yasmine Bleeth???
bah, dada dan bahm bah.
Weermm, weermm, weerm.
bah, dada dan bahm bah.
Weermm, weermm, weerm.
Sweet bod, brunette hair
Hanging with a douchebag, there
How will he warp you? Does he dare?
21st Century Yasmine Bleeth
bah, dada dan bahm bah. Weermm, weermm, weerm.
I don't reccognize Lohan in those pics. Note that Sevinnyne is an anagram for SE Vinny NE, that is, Vinny is everywhere.
"Chuck" per se is questionably douchey. Cashing in on a recent flashmob Hammer pantsingdanze is borderline douchey. But I'm pretty sure having a borough for a first name is def douchebaglionic.
And, as for the K-AP, with crackal exposure like that, she should be a plumber.
--VS
bah, dada dan bahm bah.
Weermm, weermm, weerm.
bah, dada dan bahm bah.
Weermm, weermm, weerm.
Sweet bod, brunette hair
Hanging with a douchebag, there
How will he warp you? Does he dare?
21st Century Yasmine Bleeth
bah, dada dan bahm bah. Weermm, weermm, weerm.
I don't reccognize Lohan in those pics. Note that Sevinnyne is an anagram for SE Vinny NE, that is, Vinny is everywhere.
"Chuck" per se is questionably douchey. Cashing in on a recent flashmob Hammer pantsingdanze is borderline douchey. But I'm pretty sure having a borough for a first name is def douchebaglionic.
And, as for the K-AP, with crackal exposure like that, she should be a plumber.
--VS
# posted by : 6:37 PM
: 6:37 PM
I call photoshop on Kardouchian. Heavy duty photoshop.
@Medusa
I think it's called the Hugh Grant rule.
@Medusa
I think it's called the Hugh Grant rule.
# posted by : 6:48 PM
: 6:48 PM
Michael Bay is one of those celebs that by the grace of god I've managed to go thru life without being aware of him.
I have no fuckin' clue who Michael Bay is.
I refuse to Google him.
Same for the Jonas Bros.
I'd Google the blonde on the right, tho. Hell, I'd Google her belly piercing.
I have no fuckin' clue who Michael Bay is.
I refuse to Google him.
Same for the Jonas Bros.
I'd Google the blonde on the right, tho. Hell, I'd Google her belly piercing.
ASS PEAR!
I'll bet Kim needs to get her ass cheeks waxed, but that's one you can definitely but a thwomp on.
I'll bet Kim needs to get her ass cheeks waxed, but that's one you can definitely but a thwomp on.
Happy Fourth of July weekend to my fellow "haters"! Stay safe - may you encounter only hotts and no douchebags.....but have your cameras ready anyway.....
From the Toys R Us web description of the Ed Hardy pirate ship:
"
Description
Product Description
Ed Hardy Pirate Ship Ahoy, Matey! Shiver me timbers! Argh! This massive, full-functionin' pirate ship is ready t' set sail as soon as its out o' t' box. It be comin equipped with a working six pounder (cannon) with lights and sound that you control through a transmitter button. Twin propellers provide rapid movement through t' water. T' Sails be very detailed with skulls and crossbones so that you can begin your pilligin right out o' t' box. So what be ya waitin' for? Climb aboard and let t' adventure begin where you be t' captain! Argh Matey! "
Can't make that shit up.
"
Description
Product Description
Ed Hardy Pirate Ship Ahoy, Matey! Shiver me timbers! Argh! This massive, full-functionin' pirate ship is ready t' set sail as soon as its out o' t' box. It be comin equipped with a working six pounder (cannon) with lights and sound that you control through a transmitter button. Twin propellers provide rapid movement through t' water. T' Sails be very detailed with skulls and crossbones so that you can begin your pilligin right out o' t' box. So what be ya waitin' for? Climb aboard and let t' adventure begin where you be t' captain! Argh Matey! "
Can't make that shit up.
# posted by : 5:37 AM
: 5:37 AM
i wonder when the ed hardy line of great books, or the ed hardy economics perhaps ed hardy practical statistics books will come out. he lends his name to everything else.
Hey...wait...what happened to ScroteBob DouchePants?
And Plinky?
We're being picked off...one by one...like the boogers of Fate.
And Plinky?
We're being picked off...one by one...like the boogers of Fate.
Megan Fox is becoming less hott with each Transformers episode. the second movie was crap, but i watched it anyway because i'm a huge Transformers fan. plus, the fight scenes were good, and that's all that mattered.
now time for some real hott gawking in my bathroom... Kardouchian ass pear!
now time for some real hott gawking in my bathroom... Kardouchian ass pear!
I could bounce quarters off Khardashian's ass pear! Hoo rah!
Punctured Balloon guy... hey David Lee Roth clone, get thee to a gymmery, not a spray tannery
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Punctured Balloon guy... hey David Lee Roth clone, get thee to a gymmery, not a spray tannery
# posted by : 8:46 AM
: 8:46 AM << Home
