I already have a woody. Look out, Smoot, your time's a comin'.
 

I second Medusa's woody....and by second I mean sit in my corner with a sock, porch beef, and some lotion.
 

Does it come full of grey goose or ed hardy vodka?
 

I'm getting a beautiful image in my head of this awards ceremony.
Presenter: "And this years most painful orange goes to ... Satanpoop, the famous poompaloompa! Come on up here."
Douche: "Thanks, bro! This is such a great stage to showcase my unique look and ..."
(Thump - the Poopma falls over with a hammer embedded in the back of his head)
Presenter: "And the next award, for most heinous hawk..."

Then at the ends they can lock the doors and demolish the building. In a hundred years archaeologists will dig up the flattened remains and the light will dawn - that is what to do about the endemic douchebag problems of the future.
 

Smoot. Eblow. Nozzle.

The battle of worlds is almost upon us.
 

Is Matt Stafford invited?
Bra is getting something isnt he?
Will Colt show up with his legal team?
Can we get "He just drinks and bangs bitches" to write somw snappy opening monolouge?
This will be the best one yet.
 

That trophy looks like something I should poop in.
 

This is going to be a great one. And by great one I mean poo.
 

Hey Faggots,

My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook.

Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than "jack off to naked drawn Japanese people"? I also get straight A's, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.

Pic Related: It's me and my bitch
 

^yay! Plinky's back!
 

@Anon
Does she let you pee in her butt?
 

Hi Anon 12:08

I agree, your girlfriend is bangin' hot, and she just blew me too, and that shit was SO cash.

We're basically cum brothers now.
 

@ John

Dude, you are so wrong. I only jack off with a shake weight to pictures of a fully-dressed Geraldine Ferraro.
 

Anon 12:08

While you were typing I was banging your banging hot girlfriend but she ran out of cash.
 

I wouldn't call "jack off to naked drawn Japanese people" my sport, but more of a leisure time activity.
 

John, you can laugh all you want but, Jacking off to naked-drawn Japanese people may soon be an Olympic Event.
 

Anon 12:08

I am captain of my jack off to pictures of naked drawn japanese people team. Believe me its a rough sport.
 

Me likey shiny trophy...

Poop smash!
 

@ Anon 12:08

I play with my own pussy every night. Does that count?
 

Anon @ 12:08

You have to post a pic to be considered for an award. Talking smack doesn't cut the ice... and I'll bet you haven't got the testicular fortitude to call your lady friend "bitch" to her face.

Although, a grammatically correct (for once) slam IS worthy of a compliment. So -- fuck you very much.
 

The douche who wins this will probably make a necklace out of his trophy. More bling the better.
 

@ Horace Dangleballs 12:29 PM,

anon already posted a pic. sort of.

i call DarkSock!
 

POOP SMASH!!!
 

@ Steve L/12:32

Are you like a savant when it comes to pulling up past posts from HCwDb??
 

@ Steve L/12:32

Are you like a savant when it comes to pulling up past posts from HCwDb??
 

Not Darksock.

Look here and at the Douchie trophy.

This is subliminal copypasta/trolling on the part of DB1.
 

Steve L @ 12:32

Sorry, my mistake. The original posting from the little turd was before a co-worker recommended this site to me. I mistakenly thought Johnny Jizzbucket was posting some fresh blah, blah, blah...
 

@ Franklin DealorNo Doucheifelt 12:44 PM,

no that would be Wheezer.
 

oh and i can't believe it's time for another round of Douchies. December 2008 felt like yesterday.
 

@John 12:08

Get back to us when you move out of Mom & Dad's place. Life is easy when someone else does all the work.

About 15 years from now, if you try real hard, you may have had enough pussy to brag about it. In the meantime, at 17, you should just shut the fuck up and study.

And hope there's a trust fund from your parents, 'cause that shit is so cash.

PS: Tell Angie I said hi, dickweed. How do I taste?
 

Looking forward to it DB1!
In the meantime, if you can get your hands on them, updates on some of our favorite legendary scrotebags like Joey Porsche, Peaches, HJBBD (i really miss him), Fish Slap, etc would wet our appetites.
Sort of a "where are they now?" feature. Of course, such feature would be much more scientifically relevant in say 10 years or so. But who can wait that long?
 

@John 12:08

Thanks for once again proving everyone's point.
John, some hard life lessons are ahead for you my boy:
a) you will not end up a professional athlete, but on the bright side that throwing arm will undoubtedly propel to great heights in the public sanitation industry.
b) eventually your bitch will likely grow up and find out that monicker ..(i will pause while you get a dictionnary to look up that word) ... is not really a pet name. Good news though certain homeless women sleep in dumpsters so you will be able to find another bitch to blow you. (I heard that when they don't have any teeth... that shit is sooo cash)

So live it up Dude, for now dad's car and money are at your disposal and when you look back in 30 years, the bittersweet memory of your "bitch" will bring a sad smile to your face and illuminate, if only for a second, your sad. empty. life.

(fade to black as theme from Shindler's List plays in the background)
 

Crimson ted better receive something, that dudes been douching it up for a long ass time now.
 

Poopie is getting his orange on, he says "bring it" to Smoot, Eblow, Mack (& Medusa's woody).

Still two months to go. I will be scanning the web for John's facebook page, I think he might have what it takes. What do you say, junior? Shoot DB1 an e-mail with a nice photo of you & Angela.

Oh, and one other thing. If you want to show your chones, just come on down to the end of the Balboa Peninsula, next to the beach side of the northern jetty at Newport Harbor's entrance. I'll be there all weekend, working Cylinders and that "other break". See you there.
 

Read the comments Anons/Wedgie/Horace/Caganer... 'John' is a rather pointless copy-paste. You can try inviting the original 'John' to throw down with you but it might be one sided given that he has been dead for a long time - as has the person who started the original copy paste from the links posted above.
 

Anon 12:08pm

Way to be original! You were only late by like 6 months...
 

Maybe we'll see a cameo by Bra!!!! I miss that fucker. And by miss i mean explosive diarrhea...
 

@db1

invite Kanye. He needs the validation and you need the free publicity blast.

Make sure you hand him a 5th o' Hennessey and a buzz-cut Grace Jones wannabe at the door.
 

Two words.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Blowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww !
 

Is it me or do the nominees seem to get Douchier every year?
 

Of course they douchier every year - it is the classic case of positive reinforcement. They douche up to stand out. But the look spreads and suddenly they don't stand out. So they have to up the douche factor. But guess what? Soon everyone else does as well. Before you know it you are in a room where Fung and Rusty are considered the norm. The horror, the horror. Short of a mass eradication program the only hope for the future is that at some point the douche-universe proves to be finite, a closed form, and suddenly people are not dressing like douches to stand out from the douches. But that raises all sorts of evil possibilities as suddenly baghunters will look like bags. You might accidentally go home with one when drunk, for example. At least right now there are some tests even a drunk person can do (does their tan wash off, mark o' the bag, sunglasses larger that their head etc etc). In the future there may be no easy way to tell. Stealth douches... I'm scared.
 

I'd pee in that cup
 

Wow.....Smoot, Bucky, E-Blo.....we have some real winners this year. And yes, by "winners," I mean "losers." (Duh, that was pretty "obvi.")

But don't forget this guy, who seems to have faded from memory due to the passage of time. Yes, this one is a worthy contender to the Throne of Poo.



Never forget.
 

@Wheezer - you called it right

He da man! Crosshair Mc-J's titanic douchiosity cannot, will not, be denied come December. I'm just waiting to see the Vegas line before locking in.
 

@ DarkSock 3:46

Fucking priceless!

I got into a drunken scuffle with a South African douchebag the other night. I mocked his over-gelled hairdo and he took exception to my scorn pouring.

I note that some other punters share my loathing of E Blo
 

Is that Joey Porshe and his bleeth on the cup? LOL. He should give a speech and hand out the award personally.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

I'm dropping my tux off at the cleaners tonight. Looking forward to the big event. Who's on the red carpet this year?
 

I wasn't around then, but I don't see how The Metaphysical Holligan won in 2008. With the number super douches running around in 08, the fix had to be on. Does he really stand up to the likes of Fish Slap, Xenu, JP, DD, Peaches and Gator? I've seen the 2008 archives and he's a douche but a low level one IMO.
 

@Anon, 12:50 p.m. -

Samurai Scrote works in mysterious ways.
 

@ Anon

I smell a Reg. That "drawn Japanese people" line is very familiar.