**clicks on**



I Love Beach Pear



**clicks off**
 

My goodness, the omnipresent Leatherbag knows no shame.

He must be stopped!
 

From the Mayer-bag interview:

Q: What do you think about health care? Would you take the public option?
A: Have you ever heard me play guitar? I'm really fucking good. You know what I'm bad at? Answering questions about public health care.

You know what else you're bad at, Mayer? Being a tolerable human being.

And before some anon jumps in and calls me a hater, here is my rebuttal to any whines about him being the most awesomest guitarist ever (which he's not):

Your Body Is a Wonderland

Case FUCEN closed.
 

Most excellent beach pear. Socal's finest. See you at the Cabo Cantina.
 

With all of the success of the leather and or orange douches this week, I am ordering a tanning bed and installing it in my basement. If it works for these tools it could work for me. The smell of bacon cooking is an added bonus.
 

Two words: Black Dynamite!

Good on ya Douche Equis. Now bring your wit and humor back here soon.
 

At least Mayer has talent nerds. All you do is jealously type on your computers, and mean mouth some cool dudes.
 

Mayer is talented only compared with the crap being oushed by marketing depts.
 

I mean pushed. Do spray on tans have the same affect on hotties? I could get sprayed on tan while I await my tanning bed.
 

John Mayer is to talent what Paris Hilton is to MENSA.
 

Beach pear, beach pear, beach pear, beach pear, beach pear, beach pear........beach pear.
 

Anon 1:20 would like to eat a small box of Nerds out of Mayerbags butthole.
 

The post has been removed by Samurai Scrote.
 

@Anon

What exactly are "talent nerds"? Do they write those ridiculously sophomoric songs for him? Are they his roadies? Where can I get some of these? They sound pretty industrious.
 

Damn you DB1 for reminding us, via Beach Pear, that it is now fall, and old man winter is just around the corner.

Wait.










I live in Southern California.



Carry on.
 

leatherbag is a contender, if not hands down winner of the next weekly.
 

"Black Dynamite: rated "Arr-Ruhh"." Hell yes I'm there fool.

Leatherbag vs Cheez will be epic: Like the legendary Ali vs. Tyson match of olde.
 

I want to do mouth-to-mouth with Beach Pear's doodie canyon.
 

Leatherbag pays to have his girls' assholes bleached. HE will win.
 

Well, it is Friday:

Dear Beach Pear,

Rose are Red,
Violets are Blue,
Will you speak to me in a language of poo?
 

@ Torq M.

No sir.

Cheez named his dick "Kevin" and sings to it during urination; ergo HE shall win.
 

Dammit, Torque Mulebrow, in addition to having a cooler name than mine, also had a better line with "doodie canyon."

I better retire from this whole poetry gig.
 

Leatherbag can ingest a cheap cloth wallet and shit it out of his navel without getting the 20 dollar bills within wet. He will prevail.
 

Cheez flosses with bicycle chains and lives inside a Maytag dryer. He will win. Easily.
 

I don't know guys and gals, The leatherbag is on another level. Those anne hotts in this pic are not your run of the taint douche maidens.

I as of yet don't know what to make of him.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

Leatherbag can crawl through his own asshole without matting his hair down; he will win.
 

This Just In:
'Richie Bottles and The Wall Street Assclowns' Destroy a Neighborhood.
http://nymag.com/news/features/27845/
 

Cheez has eyeballs made of ears... he will win.
 

Cheez makes his own Kool-Aid powder, smells like Idaho and can keep up with smallish motor scooters on foot for 20 seconds at a time. No match.
 

Cheez can eat a loaf of bread with his elbow... declare this contest over.
 

@Douche equis

...finally, I have a reason to leave the safety of my parents basement and go out to see a flick.

@Crucial Head

Say it ain't so man...your prose, DarkSock's fecal funnies, and "doodie canyons" are why I choose not to stab myself in the eye with a used buttplug every day.

...that and to be refilled with TARMAL at the playpen, and by playpen I mean the law offices of FLYETEETH, LLAMAREIS L.L.P.
 

Cheez can pee in his own butt. He has won.
 

Leather bag is showing us the way. I think I just got my first man crush.
 

Although... Leatherbag once killed an aboriginal in Western Autralia by stuffing a dolphin's cockk down Burt Blyleven's throat.

I better think about this a little longer.
 

Leatherbag can reanimate the corpse of Love Boat Special Guest Star Bert Convy at will and make him dance a little jig. A little SEXY jig. Yeah.
 

Leatherbag eats a diet of strictly porch beef during Shabbat
 

The QLBH is so much sexier on mute than with sound. I watched it twice each way to be sure.

No, that's a lie. I muted it the other two times after 15 seconds when the blood started leaving my penis and shooting out my ears.
 

Cheez IS MADE OF PORCH BEEF.

Game over.
 

What the FUCK is porch beef?
 

Leatherbag is a douche genius. Cheez wiz has only one hott. Leatherbag inspires, Cheez is greasy. At times like this it helps to step back, give pause, and think about boobies.
 

Does anyone here know if there's any truth to the rumor that Cheez sweats llama's out of his back pores.
 

?
 

Dear DB1,

The Beachpear just blew my mind. Kindly send someone over to my house to clean up.

Thank you.
 

I'd give up my kingdom (and by kingdom I mean a crumbling double-wide and a rusted '94 F-150 with a inoperable tailgate) to be the dragonfly which delicately alighted, oh so briefly, upon the milky, barely post-pubescent breast of the quarter asian.
 

When I was a small child, my father told me this story about the Leatherbag. It went something like this:

In the early days of the Civil War, Leatherbag walked up to Robert E. Lee and took a dump on his shoe.

At that same moment, the King of a small province in southern Angola choked to death on an arugula sprout.
 

I honestly don't think I'll be able to make a decision on the Weekly by next Wednesday morning.

DB1, can we postpone this until Thursday or Friday of next week to give us a little more time to ruminate on all this evidence?

Just a thought.
 

@Croosh: ROFL
 

So if you were to be stranded on a desert island for 2 years, and could pick a female companion, would it be Quartasian Lirarian Boobie Hottie (aka Ellie Tran Ha) or Ass Pear LaPlante (aka Fenny from Argentina)?

Panel discussion. After batin'.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

ROFB (Rolling On Floor Batin')
 

DS 2:19
I would choose Rosie O'donnel. It would be easy to kill her, salt down the meat, and when I'm rescued two years later, I may even have meat left over.
 

Surgeon General's Warning:

ROFB may cause disorientation, rug burn, and anal leakage.
 

Porch beef would make Cheez the winner. Its a shame it had to go there.
 

Rainy Friday eve
Made glorious summer by
This beaucoup of douche
 

@DarkSock 2:19

Is it okay to post my response now? I mean, I was done 'baitin by 2:20, but I didn't want to seem like an nerd.

I would take Elly Tran Ha because, like the Israelites in the land of Canaan, I could very easily subsist on a steady diet of her milk and doodie.

But I wouldn’t throw LaPlante out of the sinking SS Minnow either.
 

Looks like photo equipment in the background. Leatherbag's exploits must be saved for future generations.
 

@ Scrotum Pole:

No sir.

It would NOT be easy to kill her.

I think they'd find her in 2 years, and your empty shoes.
 

Just to let you know, wrapping yourself head to toe in Christmas lights will not give you a tan. Fun though.
 

She would eat the shoes.
 

actually i think leather bag is made of porch beef.

whatever that is.
 

I agree that Leatherbag vs. Cheez will indeed be a battle of epic proportions in the next Weekly - I thought Cheez had it wrapped up, but the oldbag is up for the challenge.

Hell, they'd make a good Monthly.
 

Sickened by tainted Porch Beef?

Call the law firm of Croosh, Rage, White, Saul, Poop L.L.P.*





*The determination of the need for legal services and the choice of a lawyer are extremely important decisions and should not be based solely upon advertisements or self-proclaimed expertise.
 

I would like to rake the leaves off of Leatherbag's Left Hott. Or maybe jump on her leaf pile like a 5 year old whacked out on a full 8 ounces of sugar crystals eaten with a spoon.
 

Porch beef...its what's for dinner?
 

'Sock 2:35

I stand corrected. I meant I could easily kill her from a moral standpoint. The physical act of killing her may indeed, be too much for a man of my stature.

But bitch wouldn't fit in my shoes though.

That being said, I'd choose the 1/4 Asian, ass pear's face might resemble Leatherbag's for all we know.
 

@Scrotumpole:

You can kill Rosie O'Donnell. You just need an harpoon, five burlap sacks filled with garlic, and a Jenny Craig cookbook.
 

Boobies and oreos. Please.
 

@Dark Sock

Supertangas.com

Thank you, senor.
 

Now is Porch Beef what you get if you barbeque a fillet of leatherbag's torso?

Or might it be a rotisserie of Cheez's upper arm?
 

This web site is about mocking to help cure a social cancer. I do not advocate the killing talk. Mock me all you want. Will not be back. Fools always reort to violence.
 

Wait, what do fools do?
 

I'd like to kill that Anon/3:10 for his heinous comment.
 

I'd like to reort to ROTB, even if it causes anal leakage.
 

ROFB even...fuck...lol
 

Now I am confused. Does Cheez's dick "Kevin" qualify for the weekly with Cheez, or do we have to vote for him separately?
 

I see that jeweled navel on middle, plastic-boob hott.

I would trade a tin of Porch Beef to sniff the hands of the jeweler who cleans the tanning oils off of it!
 

I want to join the club that Leatherbag is in. So are some fine Hotts.
 

Porch beef is packaged in tin?
 

Anon 3:10 reorted to eating porch beef.
 

I love plastiboobies.. I'd eat a mile of middle hotts father's stained toilet paper just to have a 1 in 5 chance to clean the chunks of porch beef out of her grandmothers bedpan with my toothbrush. I mean it.
 

Leatherbag throws kick ass parties.
 

"Bags banned at Michigan State" Brilliant DB1.
 

HEY! Wait ONE minute!!

How does Leatherbag not show a pitched tent, with these three hotts on his arm? I'm pitchin' an Army issue mess tent just from the internet picture!

Leatherbag has to be a eunich! And that's why the hotts flock!

Or else my worldview crumbles like Bear Sterns in September.
 

My wife's recipe for porch beef goes something like this

Cook roast forget it in back of fridge until it grows so foul she is afraid to open lid on pot. Then she sets pot on back porch until I find it. By then it must be buried.
 

@JCVD, 3:22 p.m. -

R ocks
O ff on
T he
B oobies

No problem with that, huh? ; )



@Anon, 3:10 p.m. -

Surely you understood that the "killing" talk was facetious.....?

Hello?

Seriously, it was just a fat joke directed at Rosie O'Donnell.

Hello?

.....



Waitaminnit.....WTF am I doing? (sigh)
 

Yeah we're trying to book this guy for our office Christmas party.

Until HR finds out.
 

I dunno...

We've had some pretty hot hotts lately, like Alana and Minnie Von Shtup...

But when I gaze at those thin strips of panties... and danglin' stringy-thingys... n black stockings...

I think I gotta slap l'il Frankie around sumpin fierce tonight. I'm forecasting wetness!
 

Anon 3:10 p.m. is absolutely right. When people mention violence, it makes me want to stab their eyes into gore until they're dead.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

Damn, I missed out on some serious porch beef action. I just offended myself with my lack of participation.

Time to go lift weights and watch douchebags make a mockery of my most cherished activity. God I hate douchebags for that, seriously, thank you to scrotes world wide for taking my favorite hobby and turning it into a signifier of taint. Is nothing safe? I swear, you just watch, next they'll take up reading and sipping scotch.

You just wait.

Fuck 24 Hour Fitness drives me crazy, it's down right douchebag central. But, there is ass pear. Ass pear aplenty. And not only do I get the graduated ladies from UCSB, but I also get the Santa Barbara City College ladies.

God Bless you SBCC. And god bless headphones. All looky, no heary, perfect for grade-A community college suckle thigh.

Go in peace baghunters, I'll be stoppin' by after I've finished awkwardly gawking at 19 year-old hotties.
 

I'd like to see this guy and Bonadutchy in a fight.

"Which one's the real Bonadouchey?"

"I'M THE REAL BONADOUCHEY!!!!"
 

Violence can be used a last reort, however.
 

Leatherbag has mad skillz and game to boot
 

One time Leatherbag found a stranger in the Alps.
 

Leatherbag owns the Swedish Bikini Team.
 

Say what you want about old Leatherbag; he's got 5...no wait....4 more hotts with him in these two pics than I have.

Of course, he's had 86 years to collect them.
 

Leatherbag tenderizes porch beef with his washboard abs.
 

Leatherbag is like a fine wine...he gets better with age.
 

100
 

@Wheezer

...thanks, yes, that'll do indeed...

in fact it makes me feel all violent like I want to toss douchebags into a giant blender and push 'puree'.

...wait, I feel like that all the time XD
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

wtf is porch beef?
 

Glad to help, JCVD!



Oh, and to all, the world's newest baghunter was born earlier today: my sixth great-nephew! Fear not for his education, as I will teach him how to Google search for images and he will dine on Quartasian Librarian Boobie Hottie's boobies for nutition.

It feels great to add to the ranks and to know douchebags will be hunted and mocked in future generations.....
 

btw, I'd like some of Beach Pear's booty soup.
 

Hell, I'd eat a truck load of Beach Pear's porch beef for that matter.


Well...

Maybe only as a last reort.
 

I wonder if Beach Pear was at one of those all inclusive beach reorts.
 

YOU MUST NEVER MAKE A TYPO ON THE INTERNET!!
 

Anon 3:10 had a point. Lets get back to mocking. Only thing he had wrong was spelling.
 

Anon 3:10 had a point. Lets get back to mocking. Only thing he had wrong was spelling.
 

Don't talk of violence or I'll stab ya in the neck with a soldering iron. MC Hammer is upset about some guy stealing his pants. He was last seen at the Hotel Coral Essex with some fineass cougars. He turned to one and said "Hey mother you want another?"
 

Violence is an answer.
 

Ahaha that Michigan article is funny it says they are playing the juggernaut that is Delaware State. College schedule is almost all cupcakes anymore like the no fun league. That ass pear was amazing! What a fine heine! Baby got back and junk in the trunk and all that.
 

All this talk of violence makes me hungry.
 

A waitress friend of mine who works at a swanky joint in NYC bragged to me about hooking up with Russell Brand several times this past Summer. Thank God that's over with.
 

Leatherbag sold his internal organs for ass and the cash (and not necessarily in that order).

He will expire in 3,2...

(Long pause of awkward silence)

R.I.P. Leatherbag!
 

Fuck, not the return of Russell Brand. I'd vaguely hoped we were rid of him. Here's hoping he decides to go live with the incredibly irritating Miss Perry rather than importing that aggravating woman to the UK. About three minutes into an interview with her on the radio and I was thinking of crashing the car in an attempt to erase the memory of her vapid twittering. Of course in a perfect world they'd both decide to go live in a dome at the bottom of the sea. On Titan. With that guy Mayer.
 

Anon/4:32

Only if you reort to it.
 

Was that really John Mayer? I thought it was a parody or something.







Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't say you will, unless you will!
 

Russell Brand and Katy Perry love porch meat while staying at the finest reorts.
 

wtf is porch meat?
anyone?
 

ps: beach pear
 

Porch Meat is the sound of one hand clapping.
 

My mother always cooked turkey in a roaster. She would keep it in the garage because the pan would not fit in the fridge. My father called it garage meat.
 

Eugene/5:12

See the last Friday Haiku.
 

I see in the trailer for Black Dynamite (which looks awesome by the way, congrats Douche Equis), that 'Big John Stud' from Kentucky Fried Movie hasn't aged a day.
 

I would like to slather porch meat on that beach pear while dunking my fig newtons on boobies.
 

Porch meat is like running in the Special Olympics ...
 

The First Rule of Porch Meat is Don't Talk about Porch Meat.
 

What is Paris Hilton doing with Leatherbag?
 

Too much orange, overload of Vitamin C, arthritis onset, mnnnnnmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnah
 

So what's the over/under on how many more consecutive hours that Medusa will spend getting relentlessly pounded by her Italian Beau?

Because the Cheez and Leatherbag series of abominations are right up our Queen of Vitrol's alley. I can't wait till her vagina is so raw that she's forced to take a six minute HCwDB break.

Come on Medusa, nobody can take that much dick, butt-in for a little comedy huh? I miss your venom filled tirades already.
 

This day is almost over.

At this very minute, Dane Cook is "performing" at the arena less than three miles from my house.

Also, Blake Lewis (that beatboxer douche from American Idol) is a "special guest" at a local charity function tonight.

And it's John Mayer's 32nd birthday today.

If it wasn't for Beach Pear, I'd be without hope. Of any kind.

Bless ya, DB1. Bless ya.
 

Man I love Fridays.
 

Samurai Scrote bleached his hair and bought himself a tanning booth when he saw this photo. But the peroxide complained and the electrical lines shorted out at the sight of such Orange Croosh.

The Illini also filed a legal disclaimer.
 

So I took one of those stupid facebook longevity quizzes, and it said I would die two years ago.

So I guess I've been a ghost since then. Must have been all that Porch meat.

I will have to reort as another marionette. Howdy Doody? Too stupid. Maybe Captain Scarlet...
 

Ï BÜrnt MÃH ŁÄiG ohn PŒRCH MÆTę ØnÇĘ.


00)§000OOOOOO /—LAWZ A MUSSY Įt HÜrt MĘ

ÆHH seeen meyė MAWMMA ńėkkkidN BÊNNDĮNG ØVŒRR wončė AN Šåw 1 o' THËŚĘ

( ¡ )

aj
h thank it waz

POOOORCJ MÆÅTĘ!!!!11//))((//!!"io¡¡¡¡
 

Ï BÜrnt MÃH ŁÄiG ohn PŒRCH MÆTę ØnÇĘ.


00)§000OOOOOO /—LAWZ A MUSSY Įt HÜrt MĘ

ÆHH seeen meyė MAWMMA ńėkkkidN BÊNNDĮNG ØVŒRR wončė AN Šåw 1 o' THËŚĘ

( ¡ )

aj
h thank it waz

POOOORCJ MÆÅTĘ!!!!11//))((//!!"io¡¡¡¡
 

2 kqua
 

Is that Paris Hilton on the left? If so, leatherbag must be a D-List celebrity of some sort. D-List celebrities end up with Paris Hilton and fake booby girls as party mates. I don't want to be a D-List celebrity. Or do I?
 

@Senor Squash

If you happen to see a large vortex of suck heading toward your house, grab the kids and the dog, leave grandma and run like hell.
 

@ DarkSock 2:19

give Fenny credit - she has an amazing body, and i would vote for her over Rosie O'Donnell and Oprah Winfrey any day of the week even if the Iranian mullahs threatens to issue death sentences.

but she would have to actually show her face before i can vote for her over Elly's overwhelming boobage. even if she does, i think it's gonna be a tough competition.
 

major congrats are in order for douche equis on a film well made. to celebrate the low budget limited release film niche, i'm gonna watch Paranormal Activity tomorrow. i should've watched it at around the end of September, but the wide domestic release didn't happen until today.
 

This is a shot of Leatherbag and cast leaving the shooting of "Lawrence of A-labia."
 

and - holy shit - where do i start on Leatherbag?

Gator better step up his game or he's gonna be out-leathered by Leatherbag. if such a thing is even possible.
 

Hair-plugs are best engineered by using the Cheez's dandruff to smelt porch beef.
 

Thanks all for your kind words . . . thanks DB1 for the mention. I hope you'll all get a chance to go see Black Dynamite, as some have called him the anti-Douche. . . . . Well, OK, I admit it, it's just me who's ever called him that, and yes, I'm tailoring my message here. Sorry.

I'd say more but Leatherbag's image, fur coat version, is forcing me to go scrub my eyes with Drano. Why did I look? WHY???
 

oh and do not ever say things like "I'm willing to admit I'd rather be living his life than my own" again, douche equis. such as and especially in the opening post of this thread.

most (if not all) douchebags would rather be producers! i'm sure the guidic douchebag in that thread has nothing but envy against you.
 

@ douche equis

Somehow Biloxi MS was left off of the list of the Major Markets BD opens in...no matter. When it comes put on DVD (in Black Ray!) my firm's cinematc committee has already voted to make it one of our upcoming movie nite selections. Movie nite combines binge drinking with other notable cinematic triumphs such as Evil Dead 2, anything by John Waters or Russ Meyers, Bad Taste, Bubba Hotep....hop a coach flight and join us.

So I understand what a producer does; it would be similar to what a PM ( project manager) does in my office.

But....

WTF does an "executive producer" do?
 

@DarkSock

Sorry about the Biloxi thing. I'm sure it was the 7th city on the list, but one must draw the line somewhere.

I was recently inspired to see Evil Dead 2 for the first time as a result of DB1's YouTube link on this very website, so it's funny you mention it. Great flick. Binge drinking and Russ Meyer is a combination whose appeal I'm familiar with. You must have a fun workplace.

What an exectuive producer does is one of those eternal mysteries, similar to "What does the President of this damned company do beside play golf?" in large corporations. The question is frequently asked by crew members, for instance, usually shortly prior to being fired. It's one of those things best not discussed.
 

Well I'll be damned.



I am an executive producer.
 

Douche is a dish best served cold with a side of porch meat.
 

What exactly is holding those leafs on the left hott anyways? And does she realize how much soup and scrubbing it's going to take to wash Leatherbags grubby mitt off her midsection? And that any future man she may date or have relations will never lick or get near that area again if they've seen this pic?
 

I don't know why I've never done this, but I followed the HCwDB archives all the way back to Day One, First Post. It was a spark that started the firestorm Jihad we now rage.

But back then, in that hallowed and most holy of all posts, there were only 3 comments; a sacred whisper that would grow into a THUNDER.

OK, there's 4 posts now because I couldn't resist the "I peed in a horse" thing.

But those first three posts are most sacred. 4th post: semi-sacred equine hind quarter micturation. It's how you marinate Porch Beef.
 

mule cockk = porch beef
 

Re: Porch meat, bear scat video and the Apollo Program

Dear HCwDB Viewers,


I would like to take this time to bring forth new evidence which proves, without question, that the Moon Landing staged in 1969 was indeed a farce.
The Bear Scat video proves what I've known all along. The whole Lunar Landing was a farce. Those grainy videos allegedly taken on the moon in '69 were staged by the CIA and NASA in an attempt to scare the Soviets into thinking we had advanced space technology.
It's a widely accepted fact that the surface gravity on the moon is such that a man's lungs would collapse under the enormous pressure.
Further evidence is found if one looks into an interview conducted with one of the Roswell aliens shortly before he was brutally executed by the CIA.
In this interview, the alien said, "Earth people can't even come up with a reasonable explination as to the origin of porch beef, how the hell they gonna' land on the moon?"
What I'm proposing is this, the landing module, John Glenn, and the fake American Flag were all cardboard cut-outs, an elaborate scheme to fool the public in general, and the Soviets in particular.

WAKE UP AMERICA!!


Sincerely,
Scrotum E. Pole
Director of Public Relations
Flat Earth Society
 

I'm lookin' for some tasty lunch ideas for this fine Saturday. Anyone got a recipe for Porch Beef? Does it start out with "Flatten the possum with an SUV tire..."? I may have that one, but you could share it anyway. Otherwise, I will probably reort to that one.
 

My buddy stopped by this morning and drank my last beers. I called him a tub of porch beef. He was extremely angered by this name until I asked him what it meant. He did not know but said it just sounded really bad. He then left and came back with a case of beer. Moral is porch beef brings people together but used wrongley it can rip things apart.
 

I'd pee in my own ass.
 

I called the chick I brought home a tin of porch beef. She left soon afterwards. Thanks for the tip.
 

Never reort to porch beef. Its just not worth it. Just look at Cheez.
 

@ Anon 9:48

Excellent use of porch beef, I will try to interject it into at least three of my own conversations today so that we may even better understand the social implications of such a powerful term...
















Porch beef.
 

Scrotum Pole:

You want a real deal conspiracy?

Doc, the faceless anon who hounded Ed, Phah, and now Troy, used to be a Reg here. But not just any reg. He was the first one actually elevated to "Zen 'Bag Master" status by DB1 himself:

"2006 Douchie Award: Zen 'Bag Master -- Doc, whose volume of pic hunting was not high in quantity, but absolutely fantastic in douche quality. The man is a sushi chef of 'bag hunting, a Minimalist masterworker in the vein of a Frank Stella painting or Robert Bresson film. Doc waits for his moment, still as Schiavo, then strikes with lighting quickness. For that, he earns a well deserved 2006 Douchie."

Then something happened. Know one from that period is alive anymore, and all records have been lost, save for the archive, which are too fuccen long for me to read through.

All I know is that one of the First Bag Hunters (the Ancients, if you will) fell from grace like Lucifer and turned from Bag Hunter to Reg Hunter.

And now he wants to pound Troy's little wooden puppet body into so much porch beef.

I mean, marionette body. Dammit.

But here's the conspiracy: Look to the left. There's links in the masthead to the 2007 and 2008 douchies. But the 2006 douchies have gone dark. And all of the Ancients have disappeared from our pages.

Perhaps one of us will be next, pulled into the maw of oblivion to rot with the Ancients; snatched from our mother's basements only to be buried in Doc's basement.

Poor Phah....I'll bet his hot ass wife needs comforting. DIBS, CRUCIAL; DIBS! BACK OFF, MAN...
 

"All I know is that one of the First Bag Hunters (the Ancients, if you will) fell from grace like Lucifer and turned from Bag Hunter to Reg Hunter."

Douche =====> Doc Hue =====> "orange"?



.....
 

Seargent Scrote Stain

Your experiment has merit. I will report further porch beef reactions.
 

gOOGLE iMAGE search on porch beef yields nothing, sir
 

@ Tipsy

Glad to have another scholar on board. For future reference, you may want to refrain from callig prospective coitus partners "porch beef." Instead, you might try offering them a piping hot platter of porch beef; see where that takes you.

However, to fully understand the effects of porch beef, we must use it as many senarios as possible, your experience was a valuable one. Consider your blue balls a favor to science.

Press on.
 

"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his porch beef with some fava beans and a nice chianti."

Regards,
Doucheibal Lecter
 

And to think the previous Leatherbag pic was thought to be a simple Halloween picture.

This guy is actually trying to be Michael Bay (for the better part of 8 years there have been monthly pics of Michael Bay appearing at the Playboy mansion shirtless, mugging one bimbo after another). He probably tries to produce embarrassingly bad action pics to boot (or at least tells the hotts he does).

Look, if I were single and Leatherbag's age, I would be all for spending a little time sport fucking the kind of vapid action shown in these pics. But, christ, do it in private dude. It's not that hard anyway, just trip them with your wallet.

I'll bet he's completely embarrassing his kids on a daily basis. And making sure they end up in years of therapy.
 

@ Dark Sock

Thank you for the history lesson, and dire warning. Your post leaves me somewhat frightened, and brings up several questions:

1. What would cause an esteemed hunter to fall from grace?

2. What evil would then turn him against his own?

3. Why would this Doc target Troy? Does his scheme include taking over Troy's persona, filling his wooden mind with satanic thoughts and and pulling his strings, as it were, to wreak havoc on the rest of us?

4. Why would a loving God allow this misery?

5. WTF is porch meat, anyway?
 

I ordered porch beef from the chinese delivery. They took the order without question. I wonder what the hell they will bring. Porch beef might be from China.
 

And speaking of Michael Bay, how has the guy not at least one an honorary of the month or something? See linked photo evidence:

http://douchetool.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/ap_mike_tyson420x300.jpg
 

DarkSock... i'm 18 years younger than you in real life.
 

Ducksack knows nothing. i have been under Doc's tutelage for many years. though he has moved on to more significant things, i have returned to this breeding ground for blowhards. The newbies here are not worth my scorn. yet.

i was around when Ducksack went by the name Lil’ Douche Coup. i was around when Medusa Oblowgata was Bagnes of God. i knew little TT when he was an infant commenting as Cheezeporn. i knew Whizzer when he was Don’t Whizz the Douche. i have documented all your failures at pompous put-downs of those you see as unworthy. i have pictures of Douchal Head and Ducksack playing footsie at denny’s back when Douchal Head made ridiculous comments here as an anon. yes, the same anon that he takes great efforts every chance he gets nowadays to belittle. chump. i know the ignorance of Pelvis Crotchello and the lynch mob he hangs out with. i knew Baron Von Gooloo before his got a cutesy blogger account. i know the inner-racist that rages in BilldoushitstheWildSwine. i was around when jeebus christ had his moment of shame and doubt.

if you’re feeling a little uneasy right about now, you should. my map of the basements ‘round the world will eventually lead me to you, my little monkey blow hard. and when I find you, I will turn you into fertilizer for my lawn.
 

p.s.

the ghosts of Phah and Mitchel Meats fart in your general direction.
 

@ Anon 1:32 & 1:34

Nice try Darksock, we're all on to your shenanigans.

The jig is up.
 

Douche Zebra ---> Cheez Bra Duo

WE MUST FIND THE DOUCHE ZEBRA
 

Anon 1:32

With your intimate knowledge of basements, you might be able to assist me.
My basement is quite cluttered and I can't seem to find my toilet plunger. My wife clogged the toilet last week, (must be that damn porch meat again) and I can't seem to locate it. If you would direct me to it, I'd be forever grateful.
 

@ SSS

It's Actually it's not me for once. Ask DB1; he can see behind the porch beef veil that is blogger.

I'll be damned; I'd forgot posting eeearly on as lil douchd coup. I had to drop the name because it made no sense.

So I went with DarkSock.

Because that made more sense; like a butt plug made of Motrin, if you will.

This guys good.
 

@ DarkSock / 4:09

This guy knows the history of the ancients? This guy sounds like DB1? :-)

Hey Anon! Know anything about me??
:-)
 

@ Sock

Well, fuck me with a fossilized slab of porch meat.

Then I don't know who to trust, we need Mr. White and Wheezer to form a modern Sherlock & Watson tandem to sleuth out this situation. I'm guessing an outted douchebag perhaps? Maybe a disciple of Boston Douchebag?

Tonight I will sleep with the light on. And by 'light,' I mean, 'bukkake videos.'
 

Wait....when's the last time White checked in......

NOOOOOO!!!!!!
 

Zooey is far hotter than the rather plain Katy Perry.

Russell Brand is an unfunny shitstain.
 

@ scrotum pole

9:17

That was art! Well played, sir.