Monday, October 19, 2009
HCwDB of the Week
This is an epic Weekly, kids. Do it proud.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Leatherbag
Yeee harrr!!!
Them Milf Cowgirls sure has roped 'emselves a leathery filly there, ain't they?
Hoooooeyyy!!!
Yeah. That's me doing a southern accent in written form. Because my entire understanding of a southern accent comes from Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove.
Leatherbag moved on to a gaggle of inflata-hotts in pic #2, scoring an even more impressive HC side of the equation to counterbalance his prune smell.
But is Leatherbag choady enough to win the Weekly? Do not discount undies poke and one of the originary signs of 'bag infection: Jesus Bling. We haven't seen a lot of that garish suburban gangsta Jesus bling of late.
Yet here it is again. Hanging over a leathery Naugahyde.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Cheez and Charleez
The Cheez brings classic Meathead Partyboy into the equation, and Charleez is tasty mouthwatering succulence served in a petite hot toddy.
Mmmm... Charleez... confused white girl Connecticut wannabe rocker chick.
I would sip lightly, then ask for more scones.
Cheez didn't just bust the one-off. His mugging continued in pic #2, pic #3 and pic #4, with particular douchetributes in pic #3.
The uberscrote isn't just the dog tag bling, excessive tatts, douche-face, beefy 'roid look and total indifference to the hott in favor of his own self worship.
Well, yes. It is all of that.
Add in Six Pound Watch and skull tatt, and it's all bad. I disapprove.
She's quality hotness. He's beef pud. But is the Cheez/Charleez combo enough to win the Weekly?
It's tough competition all around this week.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Gunter Von Crotchian and Alyssa
The dark horse in the race. Do not write Gunter off.
Gunter brings the creepiest Zombie Doucheface this side of the walking mall corpses in Scottsdale, Arizona.
And yes, that's a six inch spike of hair. Handcuff necklace. And the piece de resistance: A, well, a piece. Gun Crotch.
I also appreciate the soft snow-powder shoulder suckle of Alyssa, who hates her waitressing job, and just wants to dance modern erotic ballet.
Alyssa, come to me. I will spank you softly with crushed fruit and chocolate macademia nuts. Because you are not a failure for dropping out of beauty school. You are a success for boobies.
If Cheez and Leatherbag split the vote, Gunter and Alyssa could easily take the prize.
Orangina went straight to the Closet of Poo as there was no way I could deal with that horrific trainwreck in the Weekly. Although Orangina will definitely be a finalist at the 2009 Douchie Awards in the Orangest Orange category. Nunzio and Sue also just missed the cut, as did Pepilepsi Pete. As did The Lincoln Log. As did Sushi Head.
Damn it was a strong week for pics.
This Weekly is epic. Weigh the evidence. Consider the pros and cons. And by pros, I mean suckle thigh. And by cons, I mean cons.
Which coupling is worthy of winning the HCwDB of the Week?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Leatherbag
Yeee harrr!!!
Them Milf Cowgirls sure has roped 'emselves a leathery filly there, ain't they?
Hoooooeyyy!!!
Yeah. That's me doing a southern accent in written form. Because my entire understanding of a southern accent comes from Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove.
Leatherbag moved on to a gaggle of inflata-hotts in pic #2, scoring an even more impressive HC side of the equation to counterbalance his prune smell.
But is Leatherbag choady enough to win the Weekly? Do not discount undies poke and one of the originary signs of 'bag infection: Jesus Bling. We haven't seen a lot of that garish suburban gangsta Jesus bling of late.
Yet here it is again. Hanging over a leathery Naugahyde.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Cheez and Charleez
The Cheez brings classic Meathead Partyboy into the equation, and Charleez is tasty mouthwatering succulence served in a petite hot toddy.
Mmmm... Charleez... confused white girl Connecticut wannabe rocker chick.
I would sip lightly, then ask for more scones.
Cheez didn't just bust the one-off. His mugging continued in pic #2, pic #3 and pic #4, with particular douchetributes in pic #3.
The uberscrote isn't just the dog tag bling, excessive tatts, douche-face, beefy 'roid look and total indifference to the hott in favor of his own self worship.
Well, yes. It is all of that.
Add in Six Pound Watch and skull tatt, and it's all bad. I disapprove.
She's quality hotness. He's beef pud. But is the Cheez/Charleez combo enough to win the Weekly?
It's tough competition all around this week.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Gunter Von Crotchian and Alyssa
The dark horse in the race. Do not write Gunter off.
Gunter brings the creepiest Zombie Doucheface this side of the walking mall corpses in Scottsdale, Arizona.
And yes, that's a six inch spike of hair. Handcuff necklace. And the piece de resistance: A, well, a piece. Gun Crotch.
I also appreciate the soft snow-powder shoulder suckle of Alyssa, who hates her waitressing job, and just wants to dance modern erotic ballet.
Alyssa, come to me. I will spank you softly with crushed fruit and chocolate macademia nuts. Because you are not a failure for dropping out of beauty school. You are a success for boobies.
If Cheez and Leatherbag split the vote, Gunter and Alyssa could easily take the prize.
Orangina went straight to the Closet of Poo as there was no way I could deal with that horrific trainwreck in the Weekly. Although Orangina will definitely be a finalist at the 2009 Douchie Awards in the Orangest Orange category. Nunzio and Sue also just missed the cut, as did Pepilepsi Pete. As did The Lincoln Log. As did Sushi Head.
Damn it was a strong week for pics.
This Weekly is epic. Weigh the evidence. Consider the pros and cons. And by pros, I mean suckle thigh. And by cons, I mean cons.
Which coupling is worthy of winning the HCwDB of the Week?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 7:01 AM 
Comments:
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I must choose The Cheez. The pre-human "this is mine!" death-grip he has on the hott is a reminder of our ape origins, and the Final Proof needed by evolutionary scientists (explain him, Creationists, if you can). Mind you, if he was a pre-human douchebag he would actually be saying something like "ggrrrrrn, mmmmmrrrrnnnnggg, bbbrerfffff", but you get the idea.
I'm going with Gunter von C. He's the most douche I'd like to ass kick.
- Mangina Merkin
- Mangina Merkin
# posted by 
: 7:22 AM
: 7:22 AM
Leatherbag- He's a modern day Liberace. He strikes anger and amusement at the same time. And there are more hots than the other two finalists. Since I like quantity over quality, I go with Leatherbag.
Besides, Cheez doesn't really anger me. Sure, I hate his tats, but I am not mad at him, I am just pointing, "I know you, I know you".
Dr. DB
Besides, Cheez doesn't really anger me. Sure, I hate his tats, but I am not mad at him, I am just pointing, "I know you, I know you".
Dr. DB
LEATHERBAG FTW.
You may well ask why. Here's why:
He's pulling both sweet cowgirl cougary MILFs and their debauched young daughters at an age where no man should reasonably expect to attract either, and (most importantly) none of them appear to be terrified of him.
Plus, in all honesty, I'd like to be able to do the same thing at his age.
Much respeck, Leatherguy. Much respeck.
You may well ask why. Here's why:
He's pulling both sweet cowgirl cougary MILFs and their debauched young daughters at an age where no man should reasonably expect to attract either, and (most importantly) none of them appear to be terrified of him.
Plus, in all honesty, I'd like to be able to do the same thing at his age.
Much respeck, Leatherguy. Much respeck.
The Cheez FTW...from my computer terminal, he smells of excessive cologne and cheap beer.
To me, Leatherbag is an okay guy. I'd like to look great at that age.
To me, Leatherbag is an okay guy. I'd like to look great at that age.
Gotta go with Leatherbag. He's a proto-douche who is STILL showing the gelled-up homos how to mack.
# posted by : 7:33 AM
: 7:33 AM
I'd go with Leatherbag... Nothing more awesome pathetic than an old bag. Also isn't he and the girls cast members of that ode to Cali-douches "Sunset Tan" that DB1 featured about 2 yrs ago? If so does he fall into z list Celebdouche status?
# posted by : 7:34 AM
: 7:34 AM
Gunther ist der Überdousche! Not too many words need be used here to justify my pick -- just LOOK at the f*cking tool! The zombie stare combined with the smirk is enough to cause me to seek him out and plant my leg knee-deep up his ass...or down his throat. Alyssa's pick.
My screen is cracking under the weight of this scrote's 'tude.
My screen is cracking under the weight of this scrote's 'tude.
# posted by : 7:42 AM
: 7:42 AM
For a being that resembles Batista having sex with Where the Wild Things Are!, Cheez is an douche that has been raised to conquer galaxies as evidenced further by his hott of hotts. I bet he smells like a mildewed Gouda and Kathy Bates' stilettos.
3,2,1.... Cheez has won.
3,2,1.... Cheez has won.
Leather Bag FTW.
He's been douching longer than a prairie dogs shadow and in some towns west of Albuquerque he is known as the OPM (Original Porch Meat).
Cheez just doesn't piss me off enough and Gunter belongs in the Museum of Science's Mars exhibit.
He's been douching longer than a prairie dogs shadow and in some towns west of Albuquerque he is known as the OPM (Original Porch Meat).
Cheez just doesn't piss me off enough and Gunter belongs in the Museum of Science's Mars exhibit.
Leatherbag. Is he simply a long-time dork who came into easy cash in a growth warping culture like Carson City? Or is he simply a long-time douchebag? Either way he's simply the winner of this weekly, and he'd make a pretty decent saddle.
Roy Rogers Anything that Moves
Roy Rogers Anything that Moves
# posted by : 7:56 AM
: 7:56 AM
Cheeze FTW. The smell of cheese permeates the room with this douche and bleeth combo - him with the gaudy tats, too-tight shirt, and perpetual grimace, and her, probably a yeast infection.
My mom always says the best cheez is one you can spread on a cracker. I like to think the best Charleez is one who will spread for a cracker. And that cracker would be me.
For she is my recommended daily allowance of vitamin double-d fortified wonderment, with one booby being all that is hott, the other being all that is bleeth. And remember kids, nothing builds boners better than ass-turized bottombottom and double churned suckle thigh.
Cheez squeeks past Leatherbag by a curd. And by squeeks I mean Cheez goes best with porch meat.
And by curd I mean Cheez is poo.
For she is my recommended daily allowance of vitamin double-d fortified wonderment, with one booby being all that is hott, the other being all that is bleeth. And remember kids, nothing builds boners better than ass-turized bottombottom and double churned suckle thigh.
Cheez squeeks past Leatherbag by a curd. And by squeeks I mean Cheez goes best with porch meat.
And by curd I mean Cheez is poo.
While Torque Mulebrow/2:01 said...
Leatherbag eats a diet of strictly porch beef during Shabbat
Dark Sock/2:05 summed it up with
Cheez IS MADE OF PORCH BEEF.
Game over.
What the FUCK is porch beef?
And there you have it. Cheez FTW with a clear advantage in Porch Beef. Whatever TF that is.
Leatherbag eats a diet of strictly porch beef during Shabbat
Dark Sock/2:05 summed it up with
Cheez IS MADE OF PORCH BEEF.
Game over.
What the FUCK is porch beef?
And there you have it. Cheez FTW with a clear advantage in Porch Beef. Whatever TF that is.
As much as I want to vote for Charleez so I can see her pic again in the monthly, this week belongs to Gunter Von Crotchian. His girl is cute (much better looking than the one on the right in Leatherbag's pic) and, in a week that is filled to the gills with scrote, he is the scrotiest. He's a rockstar C.H.U.D. with a belt and suspenders, it doesn't get much worse.
Ooo...a weekly for the record books! The Douche is strong with all of them.
Leatherbag FTW. In addition to being leathery with a hint of Kahn going on, and a remarkable knack for finding boobie suckle-thigh, I suspect he's also an oldbag and quite possibly a hipsterbag to boot. What puts him over the top is the fact that he seems to have rounded up some sisters. BOO-YAH!
The Big Cheez: on another week, you would have won hands-down. But Leatherbag is just a bit too much. If you weren't busy groping your hott's ass pear to flash a hand sign, you would have pulled ahead, Leatherbag's twisted sister kick not withstanding.
Gunter: like Cheez, had you been in a different weekly, you'd be a strong contender and likely winner. You got the bling, the smirk, the overpriced ripped jeans, but no obvious tats, no hand signs. Soo close! If you want to win the weekly, put it all on the line, leave it all on the field! Also, pick a background that will hilight your greased, spiky hair.
Missed by || much, Gunter von Cumstain.
All four hotts are noteworthy for their hottness, at least in my book. I fear they're also bleeth to one extent or another. A pity, but I could help them work out a debleething regime.
Leatherbag FTW. In addition to being leathery with a hint of Kahn going on, and a remarkable knack for finding boobie suckle-thigh, I suspect he's also an oldbag and quite possibly a hipsterbag to boot. What puts him over the top is the fact that he seems to have rounded up some sisters. BOO-YAH!
The Big Cheez: on another week, you would have won hands-down. But Leatherbag is just a bit too much. If you weren't busy groping your hott's ass pear to flash a hand sign, you would have pulled ahead, Leatherbag's twisted sister kick not withstanding.
Gunter: like Cheez, had you been in a different weekly, you'd be a strong contender and likely winner. You got the bling, the smirk, the overpriced ripped jeans, but no obvious tats, no hand signs. Soo close! If you want to win the weekly, put it all on the line, leave it all on the field! Also, pick a background that will hilight your greased, spiky hair.
Missed by || much, Gunter von Cumstain.
All four hotts are noteworthy for their hottness, at least in my book. I fear they're also bleeth to one extent or another. A pity, but I could help them work out a debleething regime.
Gunter FTW.
What enrages me the most about him is that he doesn't look retarded at all, just evil. A self-styled "pickup artist", obviously. Contrary to The Cheeeeeez, Gunter knows EXACTLY that he looks like a douchebag. He just doesn't give a damn about it; in fact, he WANTS to look that way. Because wearing all that bling and what, for want of a better word, I'll call "clothes" is simply a way to pick up chicks.
The Cheeeeeeeeeeez may be a douchebag. Hell, of course he is. But he is a CONSISTENT piece of shit. He really believes that his tattoos, bling, gelled hair etc. look great. Gunter on the other hand couldn't care less. He'd wear Alecia's pink pumps if he believed he'd attract hotts that way.
And the Leatherbag... yawn. He doesn't look like he'd live to enjoy his win, anyway. Melanoma's going to take care of him. Or he's just going to fall apart like Goldie Hawn and her friend did at the end of "Death Becomes Her".
So, Gunter FTW.
And by FTW, I mean "May Fish Slap (fuck him, by the way) fasten those ridiculous handcuffs to Gunter's balls and may a resurrected Pumpy give the chain a mighty heave".
What enrages me the most about him is that he doesn't look retarded at all, just evil. A self-styled "pickup artist", obviously. Contrary to The Cheeeeeez, Gunter knows EXACTLY that he looks like a douchebag. He just doesn't give a damn about it; in fact, he WANTS to look that way. Because wearing all that bling and what, for want of a better word, I'll call "clothes" is simply a way to pick up chicks.
The Cheeeeeeeeeeez may be a douchebag. Hell, of course he is. But he is a CONSISTENT piece of shit. He really believes that his tattoos, bling, gelled hair etc. look great. Gunter on the other hand couldn't care less. He'd wear Alecia's pink pumps if he believed he'd attract hotts that way.
And the Leatherbag... yawn. He doesn't look like he'd live to enjoy his win, anyway. Melanoma's going to take care of him. Or he's just going to fall apart like Goldie Hawn and her friend did at the end of "Death Becomes Her".
So, Gunter FTW.
And by FTW, I mean "May Fish Slap (fuck him, by the way) fasten those ridiculous handcuffs to Gunter's balls and may a resurrected Pumpy give the chain a mighty heave".
# posted by : 8:29 AM
: 8:29 AM
Oh, and who knows? Maybe he IS wearing Alecia's pink pumps.
Alecia?
You didn't give him your pumps, did you?
Alecia?
You didn't give him your pumps, did you?
# posted by : 8:32 AM
: 8:32 AM
Gunter, because he's obviously the muse that inspired Beck's Loser. In a world where scab-encrusted dogs with impacted colons would express their festering anal sacs to avoid being touched by his creepiness, cheerleading camp counselor Alyssa actually smiles as he drapes his musty rebelliousness across her shoulder like a bad case of black mold and granny farts. Soy un perdedor indeed.
Cheez and Leatherbag are also strong, but Cheez is late to the game; he's a cookie-cutout contender on a doucheroided assembly line that takes in pregnant Walmart cashiers and alcoholic Jiffy Lube apprentices at one end and spits out water-brained proto-bouncers on the other. And Leatherbag is spending the last of his anemic 401k to maintain the last Cialis-fueled grasp at his long faded 2 minutes of fame from a dead reality show, which is the only reason those women are in the photos with him. That and the $20 bills and the coke.
So Gunter FTW, representing the shunned asthmatic ghoulbags of the world.
Cheez and Leatherbag are also strong, but Cheez is late to the game; he's a cookie-cutout contender on a doucheroided assembly line that takes in pregnant Walmart cashiers and alcoholic Jiffy Lube apprentices at one end and spits out water-brained proto-bouncers on the other. And Leatherbag is spending the last of his anemic 401k to maintain the last Cialis-fueled grasp at his long faded 2 minutes of fame from a dead reality show, which is the only reason those women are in the photos with him. That and the $20 bills and the coke.
So Gunter FTW, representing the shunned asthmatic ghoulbags of the world.
The Cheez for the win...
The other two are pretty 'baggy, but you could clean them up easily. The Cheez would have to undergo weeks of painful laser therapy to remove those tats so we know he's a full on committed douchebag.
The other two are pretty 'baggy, but you could clean them up easily. The Cheez would have to undergo weeks of painful laser therapy to remove those tats so we know he's a full on committed douchebag.
Very tough week; the d.q.'s would make a good week any other time.
Cheez & Leatherbag should have entered separately, because both are worthy for a weekly on their own. Sorry, Cheez, gotta go with the ancient one. The length of his career, like any old pro, has to count for something.
Cheez & Leatherbag should have entered separately, because both are worthy for a weekly on their own. Sorry, Cheez, gotta go with the ancient one. The length of his career, like any old pro, has to count for something.
# posted by : 8:44 AM
: 8:44 AM
All three 'bags have built strong cases for themselves, but I must weigh in for Cheez.
He's as dumb as a sack of wet potatoes but still pulls hotts with his clownery. Then again, that's true of all three of our contenders. But I'll be damned if Cheez doesn't get stupider looking with every pic. Career impeding tatts, 'tags, douche face, buffoonery...this all too prevalent generi-'baggery must be met with mockery.
And oh Charleez. Her boobies are the stuff of dreams - the kind of dreams from which waking up to reality is not unlike getting kicked in the face. Now Cheez needs a swift kick or twenty.
Cheez FTW.
AV
He's as dumb as a sack of wet potatoes but still pulls hotts with his clownery. Then again, that's true of all three of our contenders. But I'll be damned if Cheez doesn't get stupider looking with every pic. Career impeding tatts, 'tags, douche face, buffoonery...this all too prevalent generi-'baggery must be met with mockery.
And oh Charleez. Her boobies are the stuff of dreams - the kind of dreams from which waking up to reality is not unlike getting kicked in the face. Now Cheez needs a swift kick or twenty.
Cheez FTW.
AV
# posted by : 8:46 AM
: 8:46 AM
Gunter. Sweet lord almighty, Gunter. He looks as though once he grows out of douchebaggery he's going to be that uncle who wants you to sit on his lap. And there aren't enough words for that gun on his crotch.
Theorem 3.7
the simian brow of Cheez, furrowed in a futile attempt to understand what's going on around him
+
butt cheek exposure of Charleez in pic #2
=
Win
Corollary 3.7.1
Win = fail
the simian brow of Cheez, furrowed in a futile attempt to understand what's going on around him
+
butt cheek exposure of Charleez in pic #2
=
Win
Corollary 3.7.1
Win = fail
Charleez and Cheez...what a sweet-faced boobilicious angel-blonde Hotchick...what an ugly-faced tattisillious choadwanked Douchebag.
Does THAT answer your question???
Does THAT answer your question???
After some lengthy research, I've come to the conclusion that Porch Beef is a hick term for the deer (and the meat from the aforementioned) that are stupid enough to walk into your backyard and get shot while you're sittin around drinking.
Apparently, 'Porch Beef' is dark, smells a bit gamey and makes pretty decent jerky.
Apparently, 'Porch Beef' is dark, smells a bit gamey and makes pretty decent jerky.
# posted by : 9:18 AM
: 9:18 AM
Leatherbag should be punched then applauded for his efforts, and his hotts.. But the costumes make me think he's the back-up host to a Penn and Teller show...
Gunter's hott just isn't.. His mere being is his own punishment. Although he is the one I would would most like to dunk into my pool until no more bubbles rise to the surface, his girl just don't cut it...
Cheez, there's no whey I can see this curd getting a free pass. He is cookie cutter douche but he's still a douche.. And Charleez aka Swiss Miss makes me feel gouda all over.
Cheez for the cheddar
Gunter's hott just isn't.. His mere being is his own punishment. Although he is the one I would would most like to dunk into my pool until no more bubbles rise to the surface, his girl just don't cut it...
Cheez, there's no whey I can see this curd getting a free pass. He is cookie cutter douche but he's still a douche.. And Charleez aka Swiss Miss makes me feel gouda all over.
Cheez for the cheddar
# posted by : 9:22 AM
: 9:22 AM
The Leatherbag wins. He brings the sincerity to his douche look that can only be attained through years of practice. And I mean YEARS. He was a douche The Day the Music Died and was a douche the day his great grandchildren were born. He may actually be "Patient Zero" for the current douche plague that is ravaging our planet. Perhaps a win in the weekly will cause him to die from a long-overdue coronary. Let's all pray...
# posted by : 9:29 AM
: 9:29 AM
My vote goes to Charleez, for her yam bags are nice. They look like two sandwich bags full of pudding with modeling clay stretched thinly over top.
Cheez and Charleez for the victory.
Cheez and Charleez for the victory.
# posted by : 9:43 AM
: 9:43 AM
I knew this was going to be a difficult Weekly.
In preparation, I crawled on my hands and knees up Mount Wilson over the weekend. Once I crested the pinnacle, I sat in meditation, clothed only in sackcloth and ashes as I meditated on this decision that lay before me. In keeping with Siddhartha Guatama’s personally penned procedures in the Code of Hamurabi, I maintained my fast by ingesting only fermented barley rye. It was during this intense state of personal introspection, that I was visited by these three contagious contenders.
First, Leatherbag’s apparition hovered before me, like a withered and aged gofer’s bladder. His presence was pathetic and about as threatening as an autistic Amish child; his hott’s, vaguely entertaining. He croaked and yawned as he revealed the test results from that morning’s doctor’s visit. Malignant Melanoma: Terminal. His end already drawing near, I let him pass quietly back into the gaseous ether from whence he came.
Then, Cheez bullied his behemoth frame into my transcendental stupor. His hulking frame was marred by ink that was bled from an epileptic woodchuck’s pen. His hott was most delectable. Her ample bosoms and casual smile disarmed my passionate battle to contain my turgid crotch peninsula. A battle I soon lost to the armies of pressurized pudding detonations. I was happy.
Finally, I was met with the feeble groans and plodding footsteps of Zombie Gunter and his tasty little brunette flesh-meal. One must wonder how I wasn’t awoken by the jangle-dangle of the excessive bling that accompanied his disjointed appearance. But, it was then that I noticed the heat he packed above the supposed heat of his package still smoked from the several rounds of zombie DNA that had just been pumped into poor Alyssa’s innocent womb. Their seed would soon dine be born, reanimate, and dine on flesh while spreading the global pandemic of douche zombies that the Apostle Romero warned us all about in the book of Revelations. First I was afraid. Then was petrified. I can’t live with Zombie Gunter ruining innocent Alyssa by my side.
Hush hush, hush hush.
Zombie Gunter and Alyssa, FTW!
In preparation, I crawled on my hands and knees up Mount Wilson over the weekend. Once I crested the pinnacle, I sat in meditation, clothed only in sackcloth and ashes as I meditated on this decision that lay before me. In keeping with Siddhartha Guatama’s personally penned procedures in the Code of Hamurabi, I maintained my fast by ingesting only fermented barley rye. It was during this intense state of personal introspection, that I was visited by these three contagious contenders.
First, Leatherbag’s apparition hovered before me, like a withered and aged gofer’s bladder. His presence was pathetic and about as threatening as an autistic Amish child; his hott’s, vaguely entertaining. He croaked and yawned as he revealed the test results from that morning’s doctor’s visit. Malignant Melanoma: Terminal. His end already drawing near, I let him pass quietly back into the gaseous ether from whence he came.
Then, Cheez bullied his behemoth frame into my transcendental stupor. His hulking frame was marred by ink that was bled from an epileptic woodchuck’s pen. His hott was most delectable. Her ample bosoms and casual smile disarmed my passionate battle to contain my turgid crotch peninsula. A battle I soon lost to the armies of pressurized pudding detonations. I was happy.
Finally, I was met with the feeble groans and plodding footsteps of Zombie Gunter and his tasty little brunette flesh-meal. One must wonder how I wasn’t awoken by the jangle-dangle of the excessive bling that accompanied his disjointed appearance. But, it was then that I noticed the heat he packed above the supposed heat of his package still smoked from the several rounds of zombie DNA that had just been pumped into poor Alyssa’s innocent womb. Their seed would soon dine be born, reanimate, and dine on flesh while spreading the global pandemic of douche zombies that the Apostle Romero warned us all about in the book of Revelations. First I was afraid. Then was petrified. I can’t live with Zombie Gunter ruining innocent Alyssa by my side.
Hush hush, hush hush.
Zombie Gunter and Alyssa, FTW!
This is by far the most recent collection of Weekly contestants, and by that I mean to vote for Gunter Crotchian and Alyssa, because I can't remember the other two.
Gunter FTW.
Leatherbag and his faded glory will not go softly into that dark night. The Cheez is phenomenally douchey, and his lady friend is jizz-in-my-pants hot, but seems past redemption.
Gunter dresses like a huge tool, and his hottie seems unphased and unaffected by the gamma scrote radiation coming off this blue giant star of taint. Stay pure Alyssa, do not let his rank solar wind mutate you like Ben Grimm.
Leatherbag and his faded glory will not go softly into that dark night. The Cheez is phenomenally douchey, and his lady friend is jizz-in-my-pants hot, but seems past redemption.
Gunter dresses like a huge tool, and his hottie seems unphased and unaffected by the gamma scrote radiation coming off this blue giant star of taint. Stay pure Alyssa, do not let his rank solar wind mutate you like Ben Grimm.
# posted by : 9:51 AM
: 9:51 AM
Gunter gets my vote for looking like a Lemur in bling. Seriously dude, you remind me of a grown up Pugsley Addams having lost a few lbs.
And for having Alyssa hottie by his side as the only non-bleethe/non-professional hottie in the running this week.
And for having Alyssa hottie by his side as the only non-bleethe/non-professional hottie in the running this week.
# posted by : 9:52 AM
: 9:52 AM
Nothing can be said that hasn't already...Leatherbag FTW. Charleez BELONGS with Cheez, and Anon nailed Gunter as simply Johnny Knoxville up for two days on X and K. Leatherbag is timeless douchousity that transcends the standard equations that would normally find Charleen and Alyssa's hottness delivering big weekly wins for their respective douches. Leatherbag's hotts aren't even that hot, and Mandy and Robin look like they'd rather be just about anywhere else (preferably drinking beer,) but Leatherbag has been doin this shit so long he doesn't even care.
P.S. Who the fuck puts fake flowers and shit on their pot hanging thing? Fucking weirdo.
P.S. Who the fuck puts fake flowers and shit on their pot hanging thing? Fucking weirdo.
# posted by : 9:56 AM
: 9:56 AM
I'm giving Leatherbag the nod.
And only because he inspired Scrotum Pole to perhaps give up his kingdom.
And Leather bag also inspires me to become addicted to late nights of sit-ups and ab crunches, tanning beds and burning the contents of my closet in favor of a more imitation Hugh Hefner-type wardrobe.
And only because he inspired Scrotum Pole to perhaps give up his kingdom.
And Leather bag also inspires me to become addicted to late nights of sit-ups and ab crunches, tanning beds and burning the contents of my closet in favor of a more imitation Hugh Hefner-type wardrobe.
In a perfect world, The Leatherbag would be my dad, I'd be single and we'd score club hotties using his Platinum Card and our (his) penthouse overlooking Sunset Boulevard's latest giant billboard of a supermodel.
The Cheez is a lunkhead. He missed his calling as a '50s movie bad guy's muscle. I could imagine him in an ill-fitting suit limbering up an enemy sitting tied up in a chair under an exposed lightbulb in the hideout, but then again, I've been eating vicodins like M&M's since Friday's oral surgery.
Gotta go with the sunken eyed glare of Gunter Von Crotchian and the understated Alyssa on fashion to ugly ratio alone.
I don't think even pretty boy John Stamos could pull off that look nevermind this troll.
Gunter looks like the lead in "Merkat Manor".
Gunter Von Crotchian and Alyssa
FTW.
The Cheez is a lunkhead. He missed his calling as a '50s movie bad guy's muscle. I could imagine him in an ill-fitting suit limbering up an enemy sitting tied up in a chair under an exposed lightbulb in the hideout, but then again, I've been eating vicodins like M&M's since Friday's oral surgery.
Gotta go with the sunken eyed glare of Gunter Von Crotchian and the understated Alyssa on fashion to ugly ratio alone.
I don't think even pretty boy John Stamos could pull off that look nevermind this troll.
Gunter looks like the lead in "Merkat Manor".
Gunter Von Crotchian and Alyssa
FTW.
Hi there,
I am new here, just posted two or three comments. But if my vote is worth anything, I vote for Cheez.
Douche on,
DD
I am new here, just posted two or three comments. But if my vote is worth anything, I vote for Cheez.
Douche on,
DD
# posted by : 10:14 AM
: 10:14 AM
I'll go with Leatherbag because he has douched it up for half a century. He's the Brett Favre of the douche world. He also smells of Old Spice and pickles.
# posted by : 10:16 AM
: 10:16 AM
Gunter Von Crotchian wins going away, between the 8 inch fauz and the zombie eyes, he has the complete package
I can't look at Leatherbag without thinking of one of the all-time best cinematic verbal beat-downs. Don giving it to Gal in Sexy Beast:
Shut up, cunt. You louse. You got some fuckin' neck ain't you. Retired? Fuck off, you're revolting. Look at your suntan, it's leather, it's like leather man, your skin. We could make a fucking suitcase out of you. Like a crocodile, fat crocodile, fat bastard. You look like fucking Idi Amin, you know what I mean? Stay here? You should be ashamed of yourself. Who do you think you are? King of the castle? Cock of the walk?
Leatherbag gets my vote.
Shut up, cunt. You louse. You got some fuckin' neck ain't you. Retired? Fuck off, you're revolting. Look at your suntan, it's leather, it's like leather man, your skin. We could make a fucking suitcase out of you. Like a crocodile, fat crocodile, fat bastard. You look like fucking Idi Amin, you know what I mean? Stay here? You should be ashamed of yourself. Who do you think you are? King of the castle? Cock of the walk?
Leatherbag gets my vote.
Cheese and Charlies. FTW.
Mr. Cheese is just a few classes short of getting a certificate as a Walmart security guard.
Mr. Leatherbag has the look of a district sales manager at a Vegas convention. Flop sweat and damp polyester.
Mr. Von Crotchian is clearly between prison sentences for doing something stupid.
Mr. Cheese is just a few classes short of getting a certificate as a Walmart security guard.
Mr. Leatherbag has the look of a district sales manager at a Vegas convention. Flop sweat and damp polyester.
Mr. Von Crotchian is clearly between prison sentences for doing something stupid.
I vote Leatherbag. The gold cross, the Conan the barbarian fur coat, the bronzer, lets not forget the pecs on that guy that takes a considerable amount of work at that age not to mention the bill for the HGH. Plus hew shows up again in his favorite open front party pj’s.
Cheez FTW.
His hott undoubtedly has tatts hidden in all the right places and, wants desperately to see just how far elasto-blonde can stretch her gargantuan limbs.
He is poo. Poo that smells like Joop and red bull.
His hott undoubtedly has tatts hidden in all the right places and, wants desperately to see just how far elasto-blonde can stretch her gargantuan limbs.
He is poo. Poo that smells like Joop and red bull.
# posted by : 10:45 AM
: 10:45 AM
Man, this is hard. And by hard I mean which one of these three bodily excretions would be the toughest to eliminate, even after a bracing meal of stewed prunes, bran, and porch beef-flavored Metamucil? For Leather and processed Cheez I would need an hour on the toilet, but Gunter is made of fully-hydrogenated tranny fat, and don't you know that shit stays in your body forever, attacking "good" fat cells and turning them into the "bad" kind, which means they start coating themselves in hair gel and tacky accessories, like a cancerous growth, but smellier.
Alyssa, do you really want to get douched at the cellular level? Cause that's what's happening to you right now. The longer you let Gunter caress your shoulder with his pinky finger, the worse and more irreversible the damage.
Gunter FTW
Alyssa, do you really want to get douched at the cellular level? Cause that's what's happening to you right now. The longer you let Gunter caress your shoulder with his pinky finger, the worse and more irreversible the damage.
Gunter FTW
# posted by : 10:47 AM
: 10:47 AM
Cheez is Leatherbag's only real competitor here, but he's garden variety Jersey choad. The Cheez grew up in that environment and, while he can't be absolved of his greasy taint, it's more expected. The Virus grabbed him, probably not the other way around.
Leatherbag grew up in the days before the douche however, yet he seems to have latched onto it as a way to get to the Hott ("I guess I'll do what the kids are doing these days?"). This is baggetry in it's purest, most toxic form.
Leatherbag FTW. He's old enough to know better.
Leatherbag grew up in the days before the douche however, yet he seems to have latched onto it as a way to get to the Hott ("I guess I'll do what the kids are doing these days?"). This is baggetry in it's purest, most toxic form.
Leatherbag FTW. He's old enough to know better.
# posted by : 10:50 AM
: 10:50 AM
Gunther. For I have long been bracing myself for Zompocalypse, and, lo, it arrives. And it mauls curvy hott. Yea, finding no brains, it moves on and endangers the witty 'baghunters. Therefore, Gunter deserves the win, as he is two plagues in one--douche AND the undead. For bringing GV1 beyond the grave and back above dirt, Gunter FTW.
So, uh, reanimating. New Douche-move?
So, uh, reanimating. New Douche-move?
The Leatherbag, no contest. The other ones are run of the mill scrotes, Leatherbag brings something else to the table. Something that makes his pics memorable
# posted by : 11:02 AM
: 11:02 AM
Old and ugly, Leatherbag and Crotchian recognized the current fad(s), invested, and were paid significant dividends in suckle thigh. It was a decision based out of rationality and desperation rather than an innate desire to consume all things "self."
Cheez on the other hand is on a quest to leave his poo-print on our already disintegrating cultural fabric. Bling, Boobalicious hott, tatts, punch-face, jaundice, all integral parts to a man hell bent on cementing his status as the preeminent chipotle stain on the greying undergarments of society. For that Cheez, I cast my vote for your promotion to the rank of "Hot Chick with Douchebag of the Week." And in a similar yet less known vote, I also cast my lot for Cheez to be forcibly stuffed face first into a medium sized mayonnaise jar to be displayed in John Mayer's Gimp room.
Cheez on the other hand is on a quest to leave his poo-print on our already disintegrating cultural fabric. Bling, Boobalicious hott, tatts, punch-face, jaundice, all integral parts to a man hell bent on cementing his status as the preeminent chipotle stain on the greying undergarments of society. For that Cheez, I cast my vote for your promotion to the rank of "Hot Chick with Douchebag of the Week." And in a similar yet less known vote, I also cast my lot for Cheez to be forcibly stuffed face first into a medium sized mayonnaise jar to be displayed in John Mayer's Gimp room.
Say "Cheeze" FTW!
Any man who can cobble together an outfit from his AAMCO uniform and score a hottie like Charleez deserves the Weekly trophy.
Any man who can cobble together an outfit from his AAMCO uniform and score a hottie like Charleez deserves the Weekly trophy.
Leatherbag wins it, by virtue of sheer volume. His taint stains 5 different hott's, and that's just in the two pics DB1 is letting us see.
Cheez should, and in any other weekly, would, win it. For Charleez, though confused, is what this site is all about.
Gunther's hott is a nott.
Sorry, Alyssa.
The old fucker takes it.
Cheez should, and in any other weekly, would, win it. For Charleez, though confused, is what this site is all about.
Gunther's hott is a nott.
Sorry, Alyssa.
The old fucker takes it.
# posted by : 11:33 AM
: 11:33 AM
"Gunther's hott is a nott."
Really? She's the only one that doesn't look like she has crabs, Eugene.
Really? She's the only one that doesn't look like she has crabs, Eugene.
# posted by : 11:36 AM
: 11:36 AM
The Cheez & Charleez for the win. Mostly because of his douchey body of work in the other pics. And I'd like to float away on Charleez balloons so to stir up interest in my new reality TV show.
# posted by : 11:44 AM
: 11:44 AM
@ Anon 11:36
She's hanging out with Gunther.
I wouldn't bet the farm on that.
And I should know.
She's hanging out with Gunther.
I wouldn't bet the farm on that.
And I should know.
# posted by : 11:49 AM
: 11:49 AM
You make a strong case for Cheez, particularly on the half-cheeks in pic # 2, but I'm going with my original gut feeling of Gunther FTW - dB
@Medusa^
Nice to have you back.
What? Expecting some sexual remark, a double entendre perhaps? Hey, not me. Some of the other 'Hunters may try to portray you as having been an out-of-control sex monster upon the return of Mr. Biscotti, but not me.
In fact, I imagine it was Mr. Biscotti who was in need of great release. When you met him at the airport I wouldn't be surprised if you had to practically beat him off with both hands just to get him to calm down. And when you got home, no matter how many times he came in the backdoor telling you what needed hammering, you let him know it was the front that needed attention. Sure, he might have been frustrated, but odds are you rode him until all the hammering was done and he was limp from the effort. At some point though, I could see him dressing you down and giving you a good tongue thrashing for being so controlling, but by then you probably deserved it.
No sir. Others Regs may want to make sex jokes at your expense, but not me. Besides, I can't imagine you'd take it sitting down.
But then, might be difficult to do any sitting about now, hmmmm?
Oops. But hey, welcome back.
Nice to have you back.
What? Expecting some sexual remark, a double entendre perhaps? Hey, not me. Some of the other 'Hunters may try to portray you as having been an out-of-control sex monster upon the return of Mr. Biscotti, but not me.
In fact, I imagine it was Mr. Biscotti who was in need of great release. When you met him at the airport I wouldn't be surprised if you had to practically beat him off with both hands just to get him to calm down. And when you got home, no matter how many times he came in the backdoor telling you what needed hammering, you let him know it was the front that needed attention. Sure, he might have been frustrated, but odds are you rode him until all the hammering was done and he was limp from the effort. At some point though, I could see him dressing you down and giving you a good tongue thrashing for being so controlling, but by then you probably deserved it.
No sir. Others Regs may want to make sex jokes at your expense, but not me. Besides, I can't imagine you'd take it sitting down.
But then, might be difficult to do any sitting about now, hmmmm?
Oops. But hey, welcome back.
Leatherman looks like he has a lot of disposable income... but he is not fully douche.
Gunter is an abomination, a fashion victim, and a sad, sad, little man -- but again, not 100% authentic douche.
I'm going to vote for the Cheez who is definitely a douche to the exponent of scrote. He should save the money he's going to spend on his next tat and invest it in a few more links for his "gold" chain. Otherwise the lack of blood flow to his head might cause it to... oh, wait, too late....
Gunter is an abomination, a fashion victim, and a sad, sad, little man -- but again, not 100% authentic douche.
I'm going to vote for the Cheez who is definitely a douche to the exponent of scrote. He should save the money he's going to spend on his next tat and invest it in a few more links for his "gold" chain. Otherwise the lack of blood flow to his head might cause it to... oh, wait, too late....
Oooo, tough week.
All the douchebags are pretty equally matched, so therefore it must come down to the hotts. Now, I'd be extremely biased to vote for Charleez, because the mere mention of her name inspires fantasies of rubbing her double-delights down with almond oil and sucking on her swollen... CHARLEEZ FTW!!!!!
All the douchebags are pretty equally matched, so therefore it must come down to the hotts. Now, I'd be extremely biased to vote for Charleez, because the mere mention of her name inspires fantasies of rubbing her double-delights down with almond oil and sucking on her swollen... CHARLEEZ FTW!!!!!
I'm going with Gunter...let me explain.
Gunter certainly is not lacking in the DB traits. And he has a hott, and even one that doesn't look bleethed out. But admittedly, taking a shallow and cursory glance at the others would leave one to assume he will finish a distant third.
However, Gunter may be the most evil of them all. For he is douche. And he is Zombie. And he will hypnotize even the least bleethy bleeths to encroach stage 5 in a matter of minutes. And if there is ever a single reason to decapitate someone, being a hypnotist zombie douchebag is it!
Gunter certainly is not lacking in the DB traits. And he has a hott, and even one that doesn't look bleethed out. But admittedly, taking a shallow and cursory glance at the others would leave one to assume he will finish a distant third.
However, Gunter may be the most evil of them all. For he is douche. And he is Zombie. And he will hypnotize even the least bleethy bleeths to encroach stage 5 in a matter of minutes. And if there is ever a single reason to decapitate someone, being a hypnotist zombie douchebag is it!
# posted by : 12:39 PM
: 12:39 PM
it pains me to say it, but i'm going to have to give the weekly to Leatherbag and Charleez for one of the annual Douchies awards.
cast no doubt about Cheez's status as a powerhouse douche, but it's quite clear that neither he nor Gunther has the power to psychologically enslave a hott. in fact, you can see in Cheez's pic #4 that he's already sulking over his failed attempt to get Charleez's phone number. you may have had your fun fondling Charleez for the night, Cheez, but Charleez is beholden to no one. and neither is Alyssa, Gunther.
Leatherbag, however, harnesses the douche on an entirely different level. any woman stupid enough to fall into a relationship with Leatehrbag will be regularly subjected to threats such as "... or else i will find a younger, prettier, and sluttier woman!"
and that threat will scare many clueless hotts shitless. because he had been practicing that photographer-asphyxiating smile for the past 45 of his 50 years of douchey existence. and because he always walks around with his torso revealed at just the right occasions to remind everyone of his leathery but decidedly middle-aged assets. as such, a hapless hott will cling to him desperately, begging him to not dump her, even though he eventually will anyway and move his parasitic leatheriness to another host while Cheez and Gunther look on enviously from the sidelines.
... have i said too much? i better not glorify Leatherbag's sinister life any more than i have to. Leatherbag FTW and Charleez for the Douchies.
cast no doubt about Cheez's status as a powerhouse douche, but it's quite clear that neither he nor Gunther has the power to psychologically enslave a hott. in fact, you can see in Cheez's pic #4 that he's already sulking over his failed attempt to get Charleez's phone number. you may have had your fun fondling Charleez for the night, Cheez, but Charleez is beholden to no one. and neither is Alyssa, Gunther.
Leatherbag, however, harnesses the douche on an entirely different level. any woman stupid enough to fall into a relationship with Leatehrbag will be regularly subjected to threats such as "... or else i will find a younger, prettier, and sluttier woman!"
and that threat will scare many clueless hotts shitless. because he had been practicing that photographer-asphyxiating smile for the past 45 of his 50 years of douchey existence. and because he always walks around with his torso revealed at just the right occasions to remind everyone of his leathery but decidedly middle-aged assets. as such, a hapless hott will cling to him desperately, begging him to not dump her, even though he eventually will anyway and move his parasitic leatheriness to another host while Cheez and Gunther look on enviously from the sidelines.
... have i said too much? i better not glorify Leatherbag's sinister life any more than i have to. Leatherbag FTW and Charleez for the Douchies.
This weekly is tougher than most monthlies. I simply could not decide this morning between Cheez and LeatherBag; it was just too hard a choice. So I returned to work; aka I slept on it in the Men's Room.
But now I know.
You could argue that we don't need Cheez, because big and dumb has already been done by Cro-Bagnon (Ol' No. 7). But Cheez may actually be dumber, and he has Charlene Sardine.
Leatherbag could actually be the Bag World's answer to Hugh Hefner; Poo Hefner, if you will. Mothers and Daughters kneeling at his yellowed curled toenails.
But there was something about Gunter that kept bugging me. Suddenly the answer came to me, like the hot kiss at the end of a wet butt plug: Now I know who Gunter reminds me of.
Medusa's right.
Gunter FTW.
But now I know.
You could argue that we don't need Cheez, because big and dumb has already been done by Cro-Bagnon (Ol' No. 7). But Cheez may actually be dumber, and he has Charlene Sardine.
Leatherbag could actually be the Bag World's answer to Hugh Hefner; Poo Hefner, if you will. Mothers and Daughters kneeling at his yellowed curled toenails.
But there was something about Gunter that kept bugging me. Suddenly the answer came to me, like the hot kiss at the end of a wet butt plug: Now I know who Gunter reminds me of.
Medusa's right.
Gunter FTW.
Tough call here.
It's three different types of douche. Three disgustingly awful varieties.
One one hand, we have a classic old bag. His back pain and loneliness are enough punishment that I can let him slide in favor of the next two contestants without first mocking the diamond earings he bought for a hooker but decided to keep for himself.
Next we have a meat head. These guys are pretty funny with their 'tougher than thou' attitudes and lack of intelligence. An attrocity, yes. But it's sort of endearing. So, after noting that Charleez is a delectable morsel of femininity, I'm onto the next.
Gunter, at first glance looks like your average run-of-the-mill dweeb. (If that's even a word anymore)
You'd think "Good for him" initially. But upon second glance, you start to notice that his shirt belongs in a pimp's pajama closet, he's wearing a designer dog choke-collar in the shape of hand-cuffs, there's a fake gun on his belt, his diamond earrings are bigger than his ears, and he paid more on his outfit than I make in a month. Ontop of that, his unfortunate cowlick appears to be on purpose.
This choad has tried harder than the other two. You have to do a serious double-take to recognize that he's as wretched as he is. For douchosity that grows more putrid with each glance, the choice is clear. My stomach turns as I turn in my vote for Gunter Von Crotchian.
It's three different types of douche. Three disgustingly awful varieties.
One one hand, we have a classic old bag. His back pain and loneliness are enough punishment that I can let him slide in favor of the next two contestants without first mocking the diamond earings he bought for a hooker but decided to keep for himself.
Next we have a meat head. These guys are pretty funny with their 'tougher than thou' attitudes and lack of intelligence. An attrocity, yes. But it's sort of endearing. So, after noting that Charleez is a delectable morsel of femininity, I'm onto the next.
Gunter, at first glance looks like your average run-of-the-mill dweeb. (If that's even a word anymore)
You'd think "Good for him" initially. But upon second glance, you start to notice that his shirt belongs in a pimp's pajama closet, he's wearing a designer dog choke-collar in the shape of hand-cuffs, there's a fake gun on his belt, his diamond earrings are bigger than his ears, and he paid more on his outfit than I make in a month. Ontop of that, his unfortunate cowlick appears to be on purpose.
This choad has tried harder than the other two. You have to do a serious double-take to recognize that he's as wretched as he is. For douchosity that grows more putrid with each glance, the choice is clear. My stomach turns as I turn in my vote for Gunter Von Crotchian.
My vote is Leatherbag.
I introduced the site to a friend last night who swears she knows Leatherbag, apparently he's a corporate Big-Wig in non-baglife.
I introduced the site to a friend last night who swears she knows Leatherbag, apparently he's a corporate Big-Wig in non-baglife.
I gotta' go with Leatherbag. Any dude in his mid-sixties, zero body fat, with a face closely resembling a catcher's mitt, and still poking hott cowgirls with Plan B Medicare Viagra, has got it all going on.
The Cheez FTW. He brings the intimidouching musclehead factor (and awful skull & flame tatts) that Gunter is lacking. As for Leatherbag, he may have been a douche 20 years ago, but at this point we should let him die in peace.
Gunter Von Crotch for krists sake..
Good god, a gun belt buckle pointing straight at the Hotts candy store?!?! Add your standard issue GUYLINER and the groundbreaking testicle handcuff necklace.. there's another choice, really?!?
Gun Crotch deserves the nod, deserves the win, and deserves those cuffs around his neck to be secured tightly around each testicle until this clown get's his act together and gets his ass into a guyliner recovery program.
Good god, a gun belt buckle pointing straight at the Hotts candy store?!?! Add your standard issue GUYLINER and the groundbreaking testicle handcuff necklace.. there's another choice, really?!?
Gun Crotch deserves the nod, deserves the win, and deserves those cuffs around his neck to be secured tightly around each testicle until this clown get's his act together and gets his ass into a guyliner recovery program.
# posted by : 1:53 PM
: 1:53 PM
Leather bag 4 sure because he keeps on douchin in the free world he's been douchin since I was a twinkle in my daddys eye..hell he could be my dad..
The Cheez and Charleez FTW,
He's too busy making doucheface to notice that Charleez is using her vajayjay to give her young blond friend a pedicure in pic. three. If those are the lengths Charleez needs to go to in order to get his attention send her over here. I would be impressed with a simple manicure.
He's too busy making doucheface to notice that Charleez is using her vajayjay to give her young blond friend a pedicure in pic. three. If those are the lengths Charleez needs to go to in order to get his attention send her over here. I would be impressed with a simple manicure.
# posted by : 2:31 PM
: 2:31 PM
Leatherbag just wants to hang out at the Playboy mansion with his buddy Hef and the bunnies, and Gunther Von Crotchian is a just a wannabe rockerbag.
I'm voting that Cheez is the biggest douche because of his drunken-cock-master facial expressions, poser-ass clothes, and his employment stifling arm/hand/chest/neck tatts. Plus, he has the hottest chicks with him.
Cheez and Charleez for the win.
I'm voting that Cheez is the biggest douche because of his drunken-cock-master facial expressions, poser-ass clothes, and his employment stifling arm/hand/chest/neck tatts. Plus, he has the hottest chicks with him.
Cheez and Charleez for the win.
It's gotta be the Cheez this week. He's got that special quality of just getting douchier the more pictures you see of him.
Charleez is pure hotness. If she was less smoking, his poo-ness would overwhelm the electrical charge sending the images to our LCD monitors and we'd get the brown screen of death.
Charleez is pure hotness. If she was less smoking, his poo-ness would overwhelm the electrical charge sending the images to our LCD monitors and we'd get the brown screen of death.
# posted by : 3:19 PM
: 3:19 PM
Leatherbag doesn't get my vote - I think he's a real estate toad dressed up for some dopey party in the Santa Monica hills.
I can see his grinning dorkface in a suite with a headline saying "20% over asking, or I don't get paid!"
Also, I think he's compensating for a prolapsed colon.
So, it's a choice between Cheez and Gunther the zombiedouche, and frankly, it's a really tough choice.
Cheez is devoted to his idiocy. He LIVES his ignorance like a case of spinal bifida. He will always be the barback at some crappy juice joint. He will always be changing oil at Jiffy Lube. He will always be chasing the hotts, until his metabolism hits the brakes at 35 and the liquor turns to fat. Then he'll marry Jenice, the waitress at the Howard Johnson's, and she'll get pregnant and turn into a sofa, while Cheez kicks back in his barcalounger and yells at the TV.
But Gunther. Gunther...
Gunther is garbage. No. Strike that. Calling him garbage is an insult to all the flotsam and jetsam of this used up dying planet. He's such a freak, he shaves his eyebrows, which makes his maniacal undead stare that much more unnerving. He walked out the door thinking "I look AWESOME." Cheez just puts on a workshirt he copped at Goodwill for $3 and he's good to go. But Gunther - Gunther Works At It. And he works at it in ways that Leatherbag just isn't up for.
My vote is for Gunther. Everyone who sees him gets to experience their colon making a fist and shaking itself in anger, for he is poo.
I can see his grinning dorkface in a suite with a headline saying "20% over asking, or I don't get paid!"
Also, I think he's compensating for a prolapsed colon.
So, it's a choice between Cheez and Gunther the zombiedouche, and frankly, it's a really tough choice.
Cheez is devoted to his idiocy. He LIVES his ignorance like a case of spinal bifida. He will always be the barback at some crappy juice joint. He will always be changing oil at Jiffy Lube. He will always be chasing the hotts, until his metabolism hits the brakes at 35 and the liquor turns to fat. Then he'll marry Jenice, the waitress at the Howard Johnson's, and she'll get pregnant and turn into a sofa, while Cheez kicks back in his barcalounger and yells at the TV.
But Gunther. Gunther...
Gunther is garbage. No. Strike that. Calling him garbage is an insult to all the flotsam and jetsam of this used up dying planet. He's such a freak, he shaves his eyebrows, which makes his maniacal undead stare that much more unnerving. He walked out the door thinking "I look AWESOME." Cheez just puts on a workshirt he copped at Goodwill for $3 and he's good to go. But Gunther - Gunther Works At It. And he works at it in ways that Leatherbag just isn't up for.
My vote is for Gunther. Everyone who sees him gets to experience their colon making a fist and shaking itself in anger, for he is poo.
I'm in this for the hotts and Charleez wins hands downs. Black leather boots, serious boobage, and the hem of her skirt riding up her cute little behind is stuff of dreams. Wet dreams. Soaking wet dreams.
And Cheez is stinky and moldy.
Cheez FTW.
And Cheez is stinky and moldy.
Cheez FTW.
# posted by : 4:20 PM
: 4:20 PM
Leatherbag. He's walking luggage. The only way he could score more hotts is if he had intertwined Ls and Vs tattooed all over his chest.
# posted by : 4:44 PM
: 4:44 PM
leather is past his prime, fading out like a dying star. gunter is deceptively effective. a quick glance doesn't impress. but stare at it for awhile, and a 3d image emerges. the image of a pistol buckle.
good ol', processed, made with oil, american cheez ftw. he's literally the 400 lb gorilla.
good ol', processed, made with oil, american cheez ftw. he's literally the 400 lb gorilla.
Everybody say Cheez!
He is the über douche, scroteus maximus. He has it all and I just want to punch his smug-ass face.
And the perfect counter for the 1-2 punch, the hott is Fahrenheit 451 HOT!
If only Cheez would ignite on contact with the hott and die in his own grease fire.
-noobbag
He is the über douche, scroteus maximus. He has it all and I just want to punch his smug-ass face.
And the perfect counter for the 1-2 punch, the hott is Fahrenheit 451 HOT!
If only Cheez would ignite on contact with the hott and die in his own grease fire.
-noobbag
# posted by : 5:23 PM
: 5:23 PM
When in doubt, vote for boobies. Yes, Charleez. I'm looking at you. More specifically, at your boobs. Cheez & Charleez for the easy win...
;)
;)
Three diverse bags, apparently hailing for disparate areas of the planet.
Yet, with one common purpose: smear the globe with douchepoo.
Leatherbag, seems to represent all that is unwholesome about the Wild West: Vegas douchery with two sides of hot jalapeno cornbread.
The Cheez, whizzing it on thick from the realm of the blue-collar quasi-urbanite. With a heaping helping of Cleavage aux Blonde.
Then Gunter Von Crotchian, all be-coif'ed and be-bling'ed, with a size of Booberschnitzel, snapped moments before descending into Das Sex Bunker. Jaaaa....
and so I've gotta go with Gunter, 'cause er hat ein Sex Bunker, and ein Glockenbuckler.
Gunter und Alyssa! Fuer der Win!
--VS
Yet, with one common purpose: smear the globe with douchepoo.
Leatherbag, seems to represent all that is unwholesome about the Wild West: Vegas douchery with two sides of hot jalapeno cornbread.
The Cheez, whizzing it on thick from the realm of the blue-collar quasi-urbanite. With a heaping helping of Cleavage aux Blonde.
Then Gunter Von Crotchian, all be-coif'ed and be-bling'ed, with a size of Booberschnitzel, snapped moments before descending into Das Sex Bunker. Jaaaa....
and so I've gotta go with Gunter, 'cause er hat ein Sex Bunker, and ein Glockenbuckler.
Gunter und Alyssa! Fuer der Win!
--VS
# posted by : 6:05 PM
: 6:05 PM
I can't vote for the Leatherbag, it hits too close to home. I too am an old leathery bag. He's been pulling in hot stupid bimbos for the last 30 years. I give him props for this. I can 'relate'. The desire to keep nailing chicks that still look like the ones you did when you were young is entirely understandable, if you are a completely vain-glorious wad of pud and cash. The rest of us, however, grow up, and learn to love the smell of the oatmeal in the morning...
Gunter, well, he almost had me... but, his hott just is not in the same league as Charleez, not even close.
The Cheez, what a freakin' tool. This guy's problem is he just hasn't run into the guy who will kick his ass yet. But, he will. And when he discovers that there is no reset button on the real world, and that the choices he has made are permanent, lying on his back choking on his front teeth, he'll see what a tool he has been, he may even learn from it...nah...
I'd give him one more tattoo, on his forehead, of the Mack logo on the front of my truck, embossed it right on there
Cheez for the win
Ol'Bag
Gunter, well, he almost had me... but, his hott just is not in the same league as Charleez, not even close.
The Cheez, what a freakin' tool. This guy's problem is he just hasn't run into the guy who will kick his ass yet. But, he will. And when he discovers that there is no reset button on the real world, and that the choices he has made are permanent, lying on his back choking on his front teeth, he'll see what a tool he has been, he may even learn from it...nah...
I'd give him one more tattoo, on his forehead, of the Mack logo on the front of my truck, embossed it right on there
Cheez for the win
Ol'Bag
# posted by : 6:19 PM
: 6:19 PM
Cheez ftw. Just seeing him makes you want to fight him. The only time he doesn't look out of place is when he is at a truck stop. Leather bag is so coool I wish I was him. He seems to have a nice situation going on. He is nottadouche. No one else will try to copy the Zombie so he doesn't deserve to win.
gotta go with leatherbag...because if anybody knows that two cougers are better than one tiger its Sigfried (..or is it Roy?) Rawr, indeed! And like the one I keep in my junk drawer, Leatherman is a multi-faceted tool.
# posted by : 6:57 PM
: 6:57 PM
These three selections are such great contenders, I can only say "go with a seasonal theme" which means the weirdo Gunter von Crotchian with hottie Alyssa get my vote. No male in his right mind would style his hair like that, let alone wear it with zombie-eyes. She's obviously preggers, probably with his spawn, and she wears ruffles???
Ruffles have ridges, and these two deserve to be left atop one so that Mother Nature can take care of them in a "green" manner: vultures, coyotes and cadaver-eating beetles.
Ruffles have ridges, and these two deserve to be left atop one so that Mother Nature can take care of them in a "green" manner: vultures, coyotes and cadaver-eating beetles.
# posted by : 7:01 PM
: 7:01 PM
Cheez for the win. It is probably the only competition he is capable of winning. Cheez is in the best boobie picture.
SPOILER ALERT!
The malignant spirit in the movie "Paranormal Activity" is Gunter.
Gunter FTW.
The malignant spirit in the movie "Paranormal Activity" is Gunter.
Gunter FTW.
# posted by : 11:31 PM
: 11:31 PM
The Cheez. Leatherbag is simply pimpin' the game. He is proof that one can be orange, wrinkled, and adorned by ridiculous faux-fur, and still live an active, happy lifestyle. For that, I actually nominate Leatherbag for "nottadouche."
Cheez,though? I look at hi m, and a voice in my head screams "O'Doyle rules!"
Cheez,though? I look at hi m, and a voice in my head screams "O'Doyle rules!"
Leatherbag wins this weak-ly, King Pyrrhus style.
He's got all the tools and none of chest hair, like a buttery smooth Rhineland Vicomte.
He's got all the tools and none of chest hair, like a buttery smooth Rhineland Vicomte.
# posted by : 7:42 AM
: 7:42 AM
Cheez FTW! His very essence must smell like poo wrapped in porch beef which has been slathered in a large helping of Limberger that has been fermenting in a homeless bum's sock that was found lying on a porch in a swamp that a dog has vomited on and feral cats are using as a litterbox. Oh and sweet, sweet Charleez. Your such a naughty girl that I shall take you back to the The Castle Anthrax and give you a proper spanking.
Do not vote for Leatherbag! Else DB1 will post his picture again, do you want that to happen?
# posted by : 9:13 AM
: 9:13 AM
I already voted, but felt the need to add...
Douche-ho the derry-o, the Cheez stands alone!
Douche-ho the derry-o, the Cheez stands alone!
# posted by : 9:45 AM
: 9:45 AM
Rocco. Good work.. Pathetic that you knew that, but I'll still give you credit.. Just looked up Sunset Tan bios.. Thats gotta be him
# posted by : 12:53 PM
: 12:53 PM
Goin' with Cheez on this one for one reason: his ham fisted manhandling of the hott. Scary as Gunter looks (must be close to Halloween) he does only politely hold the hott. Even the Leatherbag is not overtly clumsy in macking on the MILFs. But Cheez has poor Charleez in some new kind of WWF strangle/boobie chokehold. For that he gets the weekly!
# posted by : 2:18 PM
: 2:18 PM
My vote must be counted for the Cheez.
Gunter is a tool. There is not doubt about it. But he seems harmless to me. He will soon learn the error in his ways. He will not taint his hott.
Leatherbag takes things to a different level. He seems to have things pretty well figured out. He may very well be the origin and wellspring for modern-day douchosity. His douche is too powerful. It is Zen for him. And look at his hotts. They are far beyond bleeth. Leatherbag is no threat to unblemished hott. The bleeths are his for the taking. He takes nourishment from that which is thrown to him.
The Cheez. The Cheez...
The Cheez is ubiquitous. The Cheez is present in every bar. The Cheez is present in every store. He is the everydouche. He is the unwashed, barely literate Cro-Magnon we encounter countless times each day. This is the cultural stain we must fight! The Cheez will taint our fair women with scrote indiscriminately! The Cheez will wantonly spread his seed, remorseless, spawning future generations of hopeless 'bags!
...for your consideration
Gunter is a tool. There is not doubt about it. But he seems harmless to me. He will soon learn the error in his ways. He will not taint his hott.
Leatherbag takes things to a different level. He seems to have things pretty well figured out. He may very well be the origin and wellspring for modern-day douchosity. His douche is too powerful. It is Zen for him. And look at his hotts. They are far beyond bleeth. Leatherbag is no threat to unblemished hott. The bleeths are his for the taking. He takes nourishment from that which is thrown to him.
The Cheez. The Cheez...
The Cheez is ubiquitous. The Cheez is present in every bar. The Cheez is present in every store. He is the everydouche. He is the unwashed, barely literate Cro-Magnon we encounter countless times each day. This is the cultural stain we must fight! The Cheez will taint our fair women with scrote indiscriminately! The Cheez will wantonly spread his seed, remorseless, spawning future generations of hopeless 'bags!
...for your consideration
# posted by : 5:54 PM
: 5:54 PM
Even though I already cast my vote to the Leatherbag, I just wanted to point out that he is HCwDB Finalist #1...and appropriately so.
Halloween is just around the corner and Leatherbag very well may be douching it up from the grave next time we see him. Count Bagula? Perhaps.
Oh, Gunter may be doing that already. Fuck! Too late to take it back, and you are way too Dawn of the Douche anyway so fuck you Gunter.
Cheez is still just your average, everyday Scrote Juice de la Douche. I would go to bat for Charleez, but she appears to be suffering from Poultry Femur.
Halloween is just around the corner and Leatherbag very well may be douching it up from the grave next time we see him. Count Bagula? Perhaps.
Oh, Gunter may be doing that already. Fuck! Too late to take it back, and you are way too Dawn of the Douche anyway so fuck you Gunter.
Cheez is still just your average, everyday Scrote Juice de la Douche. I would go to bat for Charleez, but she appears to be suffering from Poultry Femur.
Leatherbag is indeed "Devin Haman" of Sunset Tan - kudos (I guess) to Rocco for noticing.
Now, does that make him more or less deserving? I wouldn't call him celeb-douche any more than I would some fratbag who gets on The Price Is Right. Have your douchebags spayed or neutered, please. But choad he is, though the YouTube clip shows an even worse choadwank. Let me think on this.....
Gunter is frightening. He has almost a Christopher Walken aura to him: scary and psycho.
Leatherbag seems like a rich prick who might be a nice guy somewhere in there, though the raccoonishness of his face (even sans guyliner!) bespeaks insecurity regarding his looks, and insecurity too often breeds scrotacularness.
Speaking of which, look at the myriad of tatts on Cheez! And the bling, and.....ugggggh.
This is a tough choice, especially with the collective level of douchiness and the fact that all these guys look happy to be with these chicks. And the NyQuil isn't helping me. I'm surprised I'm remotely coherent.
Anyway, I'll go with Leatherbag FTW. He's not in London, but his hair is too perfect. I didn't think Cheez had any competition earlier in the week, but Leatherbag has a hidden Gator streak in him, and someday, something's going to remove that smile from his face and replace it with a permanent scowl.
Now, does that make him more or less deserving? I wouldn't call him celeb-douche any more than I would some fratbag who gets on The Price Is Right. Have your douchebags spayed or neutered, please. But choad he is, though the YouTube clip shows an even worse choadwank. Let me think on this.....
Gunter is frightening. He has almost a Christopher Walken aura to him: scary and psycho.
Leatherbag seems like a rich prick who might be a nice guy somewhere in there, though the raccoonishness of his face (even sans guyliner!) bespeaks insecurity regarding his looks, and insecurity too often breeds scrotacularness.
Speaking of which, look at the myriad of tatts on Cheez! And the bling, and.....ugggggh.
This is a tough choice, especially with the collective level of douchiness and the fact that all these guys look happy to be with these chicks. And the NyQuil isn't helping me. I'm surprised I'm remotely coherent.
Anyway, I'll go with Leatherbag FTW. He's not in London, but his hair is too perfect. I didn't think Cheez had any competition earlier in the week, but Leatherbag has a hidden Gator streak in him, and someday, something's going to remove that smile from his face and replace it with a permanent scowl.
he wears a portable sheepskin rug to do the lords work
amen leatherbag,....amen!
-Carl Bagler
amen leatherbag,....amen!
-Carl Bagler
# posted by : 8:27 PM
: 8:27 PM
Leatherbag for the win. A costume party is no excuse for "pretending" to be a douche. For as Cormac McCarthy wrote "El secreto...es que en este mundo la mascara es la que es verdadera". He is pretending to be a d-bag about as much as I'm pretending that I wouldn't be the mechanical bull for those two vaguely milf-y cowgirls after several shots of rotgut whiskey.
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# posted by : 10:49 PM
: 10:49 PM << Home
