Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Orangina
Yup.
Some days I just should've stayed in bed.
And chloroformed myself.
Comments:
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Holy raccoon eyes, now we just need a hound to chase him up a tree and a shotgun...
I wouldn't mind taking the one on the right and having her make that face in a different context...
I wouldn't mind taking the one on the right and having her make that face in a different context...
Douche hair, kissy lips, douche grab, and orange skin gives him a 4th degree douche power. I can't believe no stupid hand gesture was included. He has much to learn.
Let's count the atrocities:
1- Took full advantage of the "all you can bake" membership at the tanning salon.
2- Silvery 'bag-bling.
3- Ratty ass t-shirt that cost somewhere north of $150.00
4- Spiky hair that poses a mortal threat to low flying birds.
5- Mandanna.
6- Kissy lips.
Holy fuck, it's the goddamn end of days, as forcast by Nostradamus (who predicted that the world would end when some scrote combined the 6 signs of the Douchce). Repent sinners, repent!
1- Took full advantage of the "all you can bake" membership at the tanning salon.
2- Silvery 'bag-bling.
3- Ratty ass t-shirt that cost somewhere north of $150.00
4- Spiky hair that poses a mortal threat to low flying birds.
5- Mandanna.
6- Kissy lips.
Holy fuck, it's the goddamn end of days, as forcast by Nostradamus (who predicted that the world would end when some scrote combined the 6 signs of the Douchce). Repent sinners, repent!
# posted by 
: 2:58 PM
: 2:58 PM
i'm sorry but i have to invoke tranny jokes on this pic.
the non-orange girl on the right exhibits credible womanhood though, as bleethed out as her womanhood may be.
fucking tranny hanging around with a harlequin baby (i still have not forgotten the pictures that Pencil Doucher linked to in this thread). time to crack open the thesaurus to find as many synonyms to "unadulterated horror" as possible.
the non-orange girl on the right exhibits credible womanhood though, as bleethed out as her womanhood may be.
fucking tranny hanging around with a harlequin baby (i still have not forgotten the pictures that Pencil Doucher linked to in this thread). time to crack open the thesaurus to find as many synonyms to "unadulterated horror" as possible.
Due to the blinding glow of his skin, I missed his mandanna bracelet. The wrongness of this scrote has reached another level. The only thing keeping my anger in check is his hott. She does nothing for me. I am not a picky man but she looks too bitchy.
Wow, Weezer's picture reveals quite the nosejob on Mcdreamy, there.
-Ponderonymous
-Ponderonymous
# posted by : 3:05 PM
: 3:05 PM
Steve was happy with his victory at the "Bobbing for Peanuts" competition, but the prize was beyond his wildest dreams: Life sized Tribute Dolls: Donnie and Marie as Pink Lady!!!!
Hott on the right had better get the f*** outta there fast, 'cause the douche is obviously puckered up to suck out her life force, probably to refuel his stranded spaceship.
Dare I say she deserves his orangeness? Can I say that based on her picture alone? I just don't like the looks of that one.
Little known douchefact #128:
It takes 43 muscles to frown, 17 to smile, and 369 hours in the tanning bed to permanently wrinkle your lips into a kissy position.
It takes 43 muscles to frown, 17 to smile, and 369 hours in the tanning bed to permanently wrinkle your lips into a kissy position.
what a cunt. sunbed eye proctor tan lines. and the bitch looks like posh spice.
# posted by : 3:19 PM
: 3:19 PM
That Chinese bag company that was mentioned earlier today sure works quick to design a bag just for HCwDB. In orange leather no less.
It's a left to right line of decreasing masculinity.
Dude in the back, burnt sienna crayon man, faux-hawked ladyboy, and the girl whose "silly face" makes you not want to break her nose.
Dude in the back, burnt sienna crayon man, faux-hawked ladyboy, and the girl whose "silly face" makes you not want to break her nose.
# posted by : 3:25 PM
: 3:25 PM
You know when you leave a bag of poop in your fridge for a couple months because you forgot about it, then you finally find it and it actually looks back at you and has somehow acquired a low form of sentience? And since you're the first living creature it sees, it attaches itself to you emotionally and tries to kiss you as if you're it's mom?
That's what this guy reminds me of.
What - none of you forget about shit in your fridge?
That's what this guy reminds me of.
What - none of you forget about shit in your fridge?
# posted by : 3:38 PM
: 3:38 PM
Quoteth Tipsy McDouche :
"Dare I say she deserves his orangeness? Can I say that based on her picture alone? I just don't like the looks of that one."
Dare I agree?
Her hair scares me. Especially during a thunderstorm.
"Dare I say she deserves his orangeness? Can I say that based on her picture alone? I just don't like the looks of that one."
Dare I agree?
Her hair scares me. Especially during a thunderstorm.
# posted by : 3:42 PM
: 3:42 PM
hold on, which bag are we talking about? the ugly dude in the middle or the reverse raccoon on the left?
Doctor: The bad news is, you're body is ravaged by skin cancer.
Raccoon: Dam, Doc, wut's the good news?
Doctor: We can save your eyeballs.
Doctor: The bad news is, you're body is ravaged by skin cancer.
Raccoon: Dam, Doc, wut's the good news?
Doctor: We can save your eyeballs.
The kissy lips are a sick sick shade of pink, nevermind the orange disgrace and spiky hair...
# posted by : 4:26 PM
: 4:26 PM
I refuse to mock this orange douche. His mother took great pains to deliver this... this thing, into the world despite the fact that her placenta was replaced with a microwave stuck on "Popcorn" mode.
As for the dude in the middle: Let's pray he "don't miss Sergio," and instead, "treats this douche like a rag doll." (tip o' the cap to Massengill).
As for the dude in the middle: Let's pray he "don't miss Sergio," and instead, "treats this douche like a rag doll." (tip o' the cap to Massengill).
She rubs me the wrong way, but I still think she is a she. Goofy girl on right can rub me any way she wants to.
Dude, those aren't kissy lips anymore. It has transcended to to level of "anus lips." That, plus his plucked eyebrows and Exxon Valdez slicked hair, make his head look like a porn star's derriere. Bleached butt-hole and all.
The girl he's clutching is already a gonner, so I'm just hoping that indie-cutie is in midst of escaping that event horizon of infectidoucheness. I would run over my own tongue with a '75 Cadillac Fleetwood just for the chance to bath in the coital juices of the her favorite band's last backstage groupie shaming.
The girl he's clutching is already a gonner, so I'm just hoping that indie-cutie is in midst of escaping that event horizon of infectidoucheness. I would run over my own tongue with a '75 Cadillac Fleetwood just for the chance to bath in the coital juices of the her favorite band's last backstage groupie shaming.
I vote nottadouche based on the idea he may be a victim of the California wildfires. A displaced raccoon can not be a douchebag. It doesn't know better. Someone needs to call animal control.
# posted by : 4:45 PM
: 4:45 PM
DB1,
I motion for immediate indoctrination into the Closet of Poo.
My bowels already feel measureably looser.
I motion for immediate indoctrination into the Closet of Poo.
My bowels already feel measureably looser.
@Massengill,
I was just up in Northern California for a work / vacation trip. My wife and kids placed me under a strict "no internet or cell phone" ordinance under the guise of something they referred to as "family time." Not sure I've ever heard those terms before. But we did interact for a few days.
Anyhow, I am back and ready to mock the douches and scrotes, and to ogle the succulent hott's like the brunette's in the 'Fromer's' post below.
'Fromer's' hotts make me want to delve into the sexual art of The Frottage. Full penetration would also be desirable… should anything mysteriously happen to my wife involving rat poison.
I was just up in Northern California for a work / vacation trip. My wife and kids placed me under a strict "no internet or cell phone" ordinance under the guise of something they referred to as "family time." Not sure I've ever heard those terms before. But we did interact for a few days.
Anyhow, I am back and ready to mock the douches and scrotes, and to ogle the succulent hott's like the brunette's in the 'Fromer's' post below.
'Fromer's' hotts make me want to delve into the sexual art of The Frottage. Full penetration would also be desirable… should anything mysteriously happen to my wife involving rat poison.
How did this fuckwit get every part of his body traffic-barrel orange EXCEPT his hand? They're as lily-white as his wristdanna.
What a boob. And not the good kind.
What a boob. And not the good kind.
How is being orange an option? Who does this impress? Chickee is laughing at his ass.
# posted by : 5:10 PM
: 5:10 PM
Gilbert took his suntanning too far. The two hocakes look like they could suck a golfball through a garden hose and not get any on them.
# posted by : 5:14 PM
: 5:14 PM
I'm thinking DB1 was in a hurry and went with "orangina" when he really means "orange Vagina" Jacques was spot on with the "Anus lips", and that is the biggest, orangiest, clitoris I have ever seen in my life.
And I've seen at least one.
And I've seen at least one.
Orange skin? Don King hairstyle? All this schmuck needs is his hair dyed neon green and we'd all instantly recognize him for the TROLL that he is.
I feel bad for his girlfriend. Too bad she doesn't know his lips are stuck that way from sucking all those cocks at the gloryhole.
I feel bad for his girlfriend. Too bad she doesn't know his lips are stuck that way from sucking all those cocks at the gloryhole.
It's like he robbed The First National Bank of Douche and the dye pack exploded in his face.
# posted by : 6:03 PM
: 6:03 PM
That's Matt Gaymen preparing for his role in the Porn Identity, or is Good Will Humping?
# posted by : 6:21 PM
: 6:21 PM
I had an old dog once, kinda shambled along once he got older, and slept a lot. He also had trouble extruding a deuce. He would grunt and push and push and grunt and finally eke out something that was kinda the color of...
wait, no: it was *exactly* the color of this douchebag's face...
Also, after he was done, his butthole would be sort of distended, looking kind of like...
well, no: it would look *exactly* like what is under this douchebag's nose.
--VS
wait, no: it was *exactly* the color of this douchebag's face...
Also, after he was done, his butthole would be sort of distended, looking kind of like...
well, no: it would look *exactly* like what is under this douchebag's nose.
--VS
# posted by : 6:32 PM
: 6:32 PM
oh sweet baby Jebus, would you look at that, has the Grieco virus mutated to the point where it can be transmitted by touch and manifest symptoms in a matter of seconds? That girl with her tongue sticking out better be careful, it looks like she's next.
# posted by : 6:47 PM
: 6:47 PM
A hat-trick of turds!! Is the one in the middle a cross dresser or the kissy face douchebag's twin brother?
He's automatic bag of the week. His hott however is a dude. With a Faux? WTF?1?
# posted by : 6:57 PM
: 6:57 PM
I second sending this turd straight to the closet of poo, do not pass go, do not collect your orange poolius.
# posted by : 7:05 PM
: 7:05 PM
Lance has pale hands and the face of a burst fistula. Judging from the girls' faces, someone's inserted a Mentos into a cavity that smells of peat moss, a waffle house omelet, and a musty boat canvas.
@Massengill,
Fresno? Hell naw. We were way up in Reseda. Heh heh.
Actually we were just North of the Bay Area, hunkered down in the fog near the redwoods.
I'm guessing the left douche wakes up next to the middle douche, leading to the inevitable swordfight betwixt their turgid 2" 'orange woods' every morning.
Fresno? Hell naw. We were way up in Reseda. Heh heh.
Actually we were just North of the Bay Area, hunkered down in the fog near the redwoods.
I'm guessing the left douche wakes up next to the middle douche, leading to the inevitable swordfight betwixt their turgid 2" 'orange woods' every morning.
This is your asshole.
These are Cheetos.
This is your asshole on Cheetos.
Any questions?
These are Cheetos.
This is your asshole on Cheetos.
Any questions?
# posted by : 7:45 PM
: 7:45 PM
It's Cheeto Man's tougher older brother Barbecue Kruncher Dude and his.....ahem, "girlfriend" K.C. Masterpiece. The chick on the right just dipped a buffalo wing into their orange and enjoyed the hell out of it. She will die in approximately two days.
# posted by : 7:50 PM
: 7:50 PM
Hey Crucial, isn't Reseda in LA county?
Next time, try a vacation spot in the actual wilderness, outside of cell phone range you pussy. Clear Lake isn't "hunkered down."
My vacation was in the Eagle Cap Wilderness in NE Oregon. Getting rained on in August. 10 miles from nowhere. 9,000 feet up. Not a douchebag in sight.
Insert rasberry noise here.
Next time, try a vacation spot in the actual wilderness, outside of cell phone range you pussy. Clear Lake isn't "hunkered down."
My vacation was in the Eagle Cap Wilderness in NE Oregon. Getting rained on in August. 10 miles from nowhere. 9,000 feet up. Not a douchebag in sight.
Insert rasberry noise here.
@Jacque,
I thought the Reseda joke was clearer, but I am working on my fifth glass of Franzia. We were in Crescent City (North of the Bay Area). Being the city-slicked pussy that I am, I would still consider that near an actual wilderness, but what do I know.
The redwoods there were bigger than anything I've seen since that accidental towel snapping incident with Pfah back in 1983. I believe I counted 76 rings on that bald mo'fucker's trunk.
Believe it or not, I actually had cell phone reception up yonder too. But, I resisted the urge to log on for six straight days.
I don't think I can ever pull that same feat again. Not when poo-closet worthy candidates like Orangina are posted here for our mocking pleasure.
I thought the Reseda joke was clearer, but I am working on my fifth glass of Franzia. We were in Crescent City (North of the Bay Area). Being the city-slicked pussy that I am, I would still consider that near an actual wilderness, but what do I know.
The redwoods there were bigger than anything I've seen since that accidental towel snapping incident with Pfah back in 1983. I believe I counted 76 rings on that bald mo'fucker's trunk.
Believe it or not, I actually had cell phone reception up yonder too. But, I resisted the urge to log on for six straight days.
I don't think I can ever pull that same feat again. Not when poo-closet worthy candidates like Orangina are posted here for our mocking pleasure.
This guy looks like one of those characters in a racist 1930s cartoon when they end up falling into the engine of the car and end up coming out the muffler in blackface singing "Mammy".
# posted by : 8:24 PM
: 8:24 PM
Marty tried to impress his Al Quaeda recruiter by blowing up a crowded bus but he burned his lips off on the hot tailpipe instead.
Luckily the plastic surgeon noticed that his urethra ring was a perfect donor match as a set of new lips.
However he now pisses out half pint bog galoots in jet globs of piss shaped like summer sausages.
Luckily the plastic surgeon noticed that his urethra ring was a perfect donor match as a set of new lips.
However he now pisses out half pint bog galoots in jet globs of piss shaped like summer sausages.
ÆOGN!!
BØŸ GÔTŹ ÇHICKEN PÜŚŠŸ ŁÏPŻ!
ïf æn ëgg fitż thëñ wh¥ cæñt mãhhh DĮÇKK?!(!!1'
HÆWWW!!! whahhh ?
BØŸ GÔTŹ ÇHICKEN PÜŚŠŸ ŁÏPŻ!
ïf æn ëgg fitż thëñ wh¥ cæñt mãhhh DĮÇKK?!(!!1'
HÆWWW!!! whahhh ?
# posted by : 9:20 PM
: 9:20 PM
Crucial Hed's a cocksucker. He should hve said seomthing cool like "I was in Weed." Now that there is a cool Norcal city for sho'.
# posted by : 9:20 PM
: 9:20 PM
I went to Wainwright, Alaska once.
By myself.
Well, My Aunt Leticia came too. And Uncle Rudolpho. But we lived in a two-man tent for three months eating nothing but the lentils and green beans that flourished in our hand-tilled garden. My fingernails were very dirty after tilling that garden.
Saw the Will Rogers memorial in Wiley too. It sucked.
The farenheit never clocked in above twenty-three, but luckily, our lambskin rucksacks and consistent flatulence kept our nude bodies sufficiently warm. I was only seven years old, but by the time we rode our burros back to civilization, I sported a beard on my underslung testicles that would have made Frederick Douglas blush.
So, moral of the story is this: fuck all ya'll and your pussy-ass vacations.
By myself.
Well, My Aunt Leticia came too. And Uncle Rudolpho. But we lived in a two-man tent for three months eating nothing but the lentils and green beans that flourished in our hand-tilled garden. My fingernails were very dirty after tilling that garden.
Saw the Will Rogers memorial in Wiley too. It sucked.
The farenheit never clocked in above twenty-three, but luckily, our lambskin rucksacks and consistent flatulence kept our nude bodies sufficiently warm. I was only seven years old, but by the time we rode our burros back to civilization, I sported a beard on my underslung testicles that would have made Frederick Douglas blush.
So, moral of the story is this: fuck all ya'll and your pussy-ass vacations.
# posted by : 9:40 PM
: 9:40 PM
Wheezer and all...
Was doing a little rooting around in the musty stacks of poo and wanted your douchesniffing expertice. Although Burnt Red requested a takedown, and the link is a bit stale, is this him from "The Missing Pink"? I could be wrong.
Was doing a little rooting around in the musty stacks of poo and wanted your douchesniffing expertice. Although Burnt Red requested a takedown, and the link is a bit stale, is this him from "The Missing Pink"? I could be wrong.
@Anon 5:20,
Ironically enough, the bumper sticker on my truck says "I love Weed, CA."
@Crucial
Cresent city is hardly podunk. I've used to live in Talent, OR. They have a Walmart and a bar, and that's it. The bar even had a hitching post.
I admire your adventurous spirit however. Surviving without $6 micro brews and Indian restaurants, it's gotta be tough.
Real nice area though them redwoods.
Ironically enough, the bumper sticker on my truck says "I love Weed, CA."
@Crucial
Cresent city is hardly podunk. I've used to live in Talent, OR. They have a Walmart and a bar, and that's it. The bar even had a hitching post.
I admire your adventurous spirit however. Surviving without $6 micro brews and Indian restaurants, it's gotta be tough.
Real nice area though them redwoods.
@Jaques,
Thankfully I brought whisky... the only thing men should drink. And, thankfully, the work project that called me up to the uncircumsized lands of the North did not involve anything remotely close to the words "Wal-Mart" or "Big Box."
I did meet a Native American in front of the Bayview Inn though. At least, he looked more native than most of the other Philistine's that ambled about the streets.
He had a ponytail. His name was Robert.
I would go back to Sequoia. But, I would never venture into Oregon. Baron Von Goolo has relayed enough personal horror stories on this blog to keep me safely stranded in my personal concrete jungle.
Thankfully I brought whisky... the only thing men should drink. And, thankfully, the work project that called me up to the uncircumsized lands of the North did not involve anything remotely close to the words "Wal-Mart" or "Big Box."
I did meet a Native American in front of the Bayview Inn though. At least, he looked more native than most of the other Philistine's that ambled about the streets.
He had a ponytail. His name was Robert.
I would go back to Sequoia. But, I would never venture into Oregon. Baron Von Goolo has relayed enough personal horror stories on this blog to keep me safely stranded in my personal concrete jungle.
@Anon 9:20pm,
It's okay, some of my best friend's are SF Giant's fans. Life will get better, trust me.
It's okay, some of my best friend's are SF Giant's fans. Life will get better, trust me.
Why am I still up?? Ah yes... the Ambien hath finally clawed her talons into the innermost regions of my shallow mind.
Take me away, sweet princess.
Take me awa...
Take me away, sweet princess.
Take me awa...
try posting at 4:00 AM in the morning, Crucial. if that is all that Ambien does, you need a stronger buzz.
that being said, i know nothing about NorCal, other than the fact that it must have muchfewer douchebags than SoCal.
that being said, i know nothing about NorCal, other than the fact that it must have muchfewer douchebags than SoCal.
Picking on Oregon, eh? I've lived here most of my life and for you information it's... it's...
Yeah, never mind.
Yeah, never mind.
North Cal get's really creepy up in the the "State of Jefferson," which also encompasses So. Oregon.
Think Wyoming, but with trailer parks.
Think Wyoming, but with trailer parks.
Fuck no! I DON'T hope it's Europe! I want at least an ocean and several thousand kilometers between me and this .... thing!
# posted by : 1:40 AM
: 1:40 AM
Seconds after this pic was taken, everyone within a five foot radius had to stop what they were doing and play "Find the Tip of Kelley's Tongue."
The screaming was quite a distraction.
The screaming was quite a distraction.
She is godawful and deserves to be covered in the feces that is Orangina.
He is godawful and deserved a 2 x 4 to the grill.
Douchesquire
He is godawful and deserved a 2 x 4 to the grill.
Douchesquire
# posted by : 6:12 AM
: 6:12 AM
@ Crucial Head....apparently you have to take a dog sled if you want to impress these guys with "going north" But you are well loved, as a taint taunter , by all. I on the other hand would enjoy a vacation to anywhere that the Pink Sphincter, was not. That wooded indian looking thing has, what seems to be a neck scar where it's Adams apple was removed....either that or someone did a sloppy photoshop grafting a tranny head on a skinny hoe body
Someone needs to tell orangina that his brothers sex change isn't going well and perhaps they shouldn't be dating just yet.
And seriously, WTF is up with idiotbimbo on the right?
And seriously, WTF is up with idiotbimbo on the right?
Go directly to the Closet of Poo. Do Not pass Go. Do not collect a $200 Ed Hardy shirt.
# posted by : 7:52 AM
: 7:52 AM
Desperate to look like the star of Slum Dog Millionaire, Oragina slathers on the tanning gel and convorts with a Victoria Beckham female impersonator and some hose monster.
# posted by : 7:55 AM
: 7:55 AM
If Molly on the right will give me that look when she's on her knees later tonight I will bust a nut right there
# posted by : 7:56 AM
: 7:56 AM
I'll bet he smells like used monkey diapers and the old guy at the hardware store.
# posted by : 7:58 AM
: 7:58 AM
Donkey Douche with a wig... FTW!
More correctly put, that is Donk once AIDS has reduced his body to an emaciated mess, and the steroids have reduced his testosterone to an afterthought.
More correctly put, that is Donk once AIDS has reduced his body to an emaciated mess, and the steroids have reduced his testosterone to an afterthought.
No need to look any further folks. Weekly, monthly, and douchebag of the year right here. Jesus H Christ wtf!
# posted by : 9:31 AM
: 9:31 AM
Is that a horizontal vagina underneath his(?) nose, or is he just happy to see us?
And the chick(?) he is groping looks a lot like Frau Farbissina waiting for the Ex Lax to kick in.
Damsel in distress on the right is in dire need of swift rescue.
And the chick(?) he is groping looks a lot like Frau Farbissina waiting for the Ex Lax to kick in.
Damsel in distress on the right is in dire need of swift rescue.
Oh man this is HoS worthy. It's a shame this specimen wasn't captured with a hotter hott. We'll have a solid group for the monthly.
# posted by : 1:16 PM
: 1:16 PM
Somewhere between a rhesus monkey and somebody's asshole, a new douche was found, wandering the streets of San Francisco, and sipping Orangina cocktails.
Perhaps Orangina (I like poopaloompa better maybe its taken already) had OD'd on selftanning chemicals and he failed to notice that he was trying to bag a beaver that turned out to be the bitter beer face guy with Ashley Simpson photoshopped in the foreground fresh off her SNL lipsynch disaster.
"Is that Crash Bandicoot macking on a she male?"
AHAHAHAAAAA!!!!! best anonymous comment ever. and i fucking love oregon. smoking weed and hooking rainbows up in the cascades? the other lower 47 can lick my tainted ballbag.
AHAHAHAAAAA!!!!! best anonymous comment ever. and i fucking love oregon. smoking weed and hooking rainbows up in the cascades? the other lower 47 can lick my tainted ballbag.
# posted by : 3:12 PM
: 3:12 PM
To Deutschbag: Pass that shit over here already.
[WOW, that was a quick trip into the "Closet" for Oranmangina!]
[WOW, that was a quick trip into the "Closet" for Oranmangina!]
# posted by : 7:16 PM
: 7:16 PM
Is the headshine highlighting those frosty fwiptips or is that puddin'head? The subprime bling, lowgrade shirt, and John Henson-meets-Wendy O. Williams offspring not-hott (no offense, sweet Wendy O., my RIP queen - it's the Henson component) come nowhere near offsetting that dead-eyed, uber-kissyface, almost-Owen Wilson nosed thermonuclear doucheassery. Note to self: rent nailgun in am to chip out douche-crust from bleeding glazzies.
Southern Scrotic said...
I dub thee "Chocolate Starfish".
12:08 PM
Close the thread now. We have a winner.
I dub thee "Chocolate Starfish".
12:08 PM
Close the thread now. We have a winner.
it's sad that this guy doesn't realize that he was pro'lly an attractive guy before he did that to himself
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# posted by : 10:44 PM
: 10:44 PM << Home
