They are both about to hop onto his hand
 

dude... gavin? LOL
 

Combined IQ of this photo is the same as the number of STDs = 37
 

If right Bleeth accidentally scraped her chesticles with one of those daggers at the end of her fingers, she'd fly around the room like the air coming out of a balloon.




And I would rejoice
 

Is that Abe in the crook of his elbow?
 

And just WTF is that Abe Lincoln doing there? Like Honest Abe, does this guy want to go out with a shot to the back of the head?
 

Bleeth on the left looks a bit like Jenna Haze...
 

The Abe Lincoln tatt symbolizes his hourly wage
 

poor, poor abe. First shot in the coconut, now this. He deserved better, God bless him.
 

The one on the right is calling her physician for the results of her STD test at the insistence of this douche's mom, on the left. That smile will disappear shortly.
 

With his next unemployment check he's planning to get the last of the Adobe Dingbats across his lats. Then he's going for the gold: Wingdings across the pecs.

Löšèr.
 

Nothing says "I'll fuck you up" like cargo pants and cornrows.
 

Phone Conversation:


Blonde:
Bruno's gonna be runnin' like, a little late today.
Arby's:
Oh, really what's the problem?
Blonde:
Well, like, he can't find his Arby's shirt.
Arby's:
Well, we're really busy, what time can he make it in?
Blonde:
He says he can be in by "two".
 

"Linkin Puck"?
 

If I were to be involved in a three-way with these two, I'd tell the one on the left she could just watch.
 

Looks like Mom and Dad are away at the lakehouse this weekend for one final weekend of waterskiing.

Christopher was originally going to wack off into Mom's jewelry box when the two chicks from his old high school's glee club showed up to take him to the McDonalds drive-thru.

You see, Ashley and Amanda hadn't seen Topher since that unfortunate accident with the shop vac during the St. Patrick's Day parade two years previous.
 

Definitely the most uncool guy this side of Santee, CA.

Being the meth hook-up can have its benefits though.
 

I had always considered the thumb ring the sole province of sexy chicks or gay 'bags. However, I am noticing it more and more on mainstream 'bags like the Lincoln Log. I wonder if this is an emerging Douche Trend for 2010?
 

Looks like Lincoln will be flogging his log tonight.
 

Come on guys! Shame on you! That's not Honest Abe right there on that gentleman's arm. It's none other than Bronson Pinchot with a beard. This guy has no idea who any president is let alone who Lincoln is. He wanted to channel his inner Belky by putting some chin pubes on the hair stylist from Beverly Hills Cop.

I smell like ripe oranges and stale bat vomit.
 

No, girls, seriously...pull my fingers....hurrrry...*freeeet!*
 

I think Lincoln log here is Plinky's brother.

Look at him then check out Plinky

HERE






Eh?
 

The poo is strong in this one.
 

BTW, for you new guys, there are no known photos of the infamous, "Plinky's Mom"

There is, however, an artist's rendering:

Plinky's Mom
 

Every good hooker needs a body guard and hiring a FLAMING HOMO body guard keeps the hookers from having to fight off unwanted advances from said body guard.

Consider it explained...
 

I'm guessing he went to that tattoo shop right after stuffing $50 of low-grade meth up his nose. How can I tell? He must've been like,"I'll take that one man. No no, that one. Did I say that? I want that one. Yeah, that one. Maybe that one would be cooler. I'll take that one." By the time he got done, his bill was $850. When he woke up the next morning he looked at his arms and thought,"Why did I get Jesus AND that bearded guy from the $5 bill on my arms and who the fuck is Holly?"
 

Madonna?
 

Four score and seven years ago, I was tattooed on a douche...?
 

I am not at all sure that shirt says "pucker", DB1. Maybe it says what he wishes he could do to the sweetie with the phone.

Too bad his sister/girlfriend is right there.
 

SOMEONE EMANCIPATE ME FROM THIS CHOAD'S ARM!!!11!!!ELEVEN!!
 

I sincerely hope the skank on the left sinks her fangs into his carotid artery, zombie-style. I will laugh.
 

"Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war."

That, of course, is the battle between the Union and the Confederacy of Douches.
 

AKA GAVIN HAUGHEY, the huntington beach bad girl.....aaaaaaarrrrrr....i just got out the slammer and i learned to pucker quite alot.
 

I think it says 'F*cker'. Which, would be surprisingly accurate of a title for him. Why do girls love douche bags so much?
 

@ Vin Douchal 3:00

You mean, Baron Harkonnen style right after Paul's sister pokes the heart plug?

Yea I know. Dune. The movie.
 

wants that tat. i think by itself abraham lincoln is a hottie and quite inspiring. on a douche, just confusing...
 

Fourscore and...
[looks at his pocket watch]
seven minutes ago... we, your forefathers, were brought forth upon a most excellent adventure conceived by our new friends, Bill... and Ted. These two great gentlemen are dedicated to a proposition which was true in my time, just as it's true today. Be excellent to each other. And... PARTY ON, DUDES!
 

The Frattysburg Address

Who invited skunk haired Joe Camel?

-Parker Lewis Cant Douche
 

It is better to get a Jesus tattoo and be thought a douche than to get an Abe one and remove all doubt.
 

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
 

Whatever you are, be a good one.
 

You can douche some of the hotts all of the time, and all of the hotts some of the time, but you can not douche all of the hotts all of the time [even with an Abe tatt].
 

Trailer Park Madonna and Saline Dion pose with their first customer, Linc Logg, in their new Super Cunts franchise. TPM's specialty is oral cornrows, while Saline prospects for business by word of mouth.
 

It looks like Madonna slumming at the Shady Lawn Motel with Uncle Fucker.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

hcwdb of the week.
 

that's jesus on the right. and then the iron cross above that.
 

Move on dot org, Darksock.
 

Fair enough anon 9:01

But it was just pictures on TV to you.
 

Wow, it's History Day on HCwDB. So we're all familiar with the Lincoln Douglas Debates in which Abraham Lincoln and Stephen A. Douglas debated the issue of slavery during their campaign for Illinois state Senator.

What we weren't taught in high school were the equally important Lincoln-douchebag Debates of 1834, in which a much younger Lincoln argued unsuccessfully with a local douchebag about proper style of beard to woo babes.

Here's but a brief selection:

Lincoln: That is the real issue. That is the issue that will continue in this country when these poor tongues of Douchebag here and myself shall be silent. It is the eternal struggle between these two principles-right and wrong-throughout the world. They are the two principles that have stood face to face from the beginning of time; full chin beard versus chin pubes. The one is the common right of humanity and the other the divine right of scrotes.

Douchebag: What the f*ck did you just say?

Lincoln: What? I...what? I said full beards are better than chin pubes.

Douchebag: Seriously f*ckface, I couldn't make out most of what you just said, but I'm pretty certain I heard you call me a douchebag.

Lincoln: What!? No! I didn't-

Douchebag: The f*ck you didn't. Stella, did you here assface Abe call me a douchebag?

Stella: He did. And a scrote.

Douchebag: You f*ckin faggot!

Lincoln: Look I would not call you a douchebag! Why would I do that?

Douchebag: But you f*ckin did, you faggot. I bet you suck cock don't you?

Lincoln: I do not! That's a lie!

Douchebag: You fag! You do, you suck cock!

Lincoln: I do not! Mary, tell him I don't suck cock!

Mary: Well....

Lincoln: Mary! Come on!

Stella: Lincoln's a nobgobbler! Lincoln's a nobgobbler!

Mary: Now Abe, there's nothing wrong with-

Lincoln: I am not gay. I'm not I swear to god!

Douchebag: Lincoln takes it in the ass. "Four score and seven dicks I took in the ass!"

Lincoln: Now see here you douchebag!

Douchebag: I f*ckin new you called me a douchebag! Now I'm seriously gonna f*ck you up! It's gonna take a f*ckin miracle to emancipate my f*ckin dick from your f*ckin ass!



The Lincoln-Douchebag Debates of 1834, a seminal moment in American history.
 

if the Lincoln Log existed in the 1860s, Ulysses Simpson Grant would have bolted to the Confederates too.

whoa. that is too much alternate history rumination.
 

the tat on his right arm is sryan nation. lincoln contradicts that a bit. i would like to leave a steaming pile of dung on the hotties chests before he has sex with them.
 

Is that guy Mike O'Mera From The Don and Mike show?
 

the bleeth at the right seems to have been badly photoshopped there, I cannot really see a good part of her right thigh... can you please clarify?

She also has a very big head, either that or the other two are pinheads.


Side boobage though
 

Is that "I ain't no bitch" from Hells Kitchen
 

Abe was the first Republican
 

anon @6:58... Nothing wrong with the original David Lynch film. If you're a fan, that's cool. Although Lynch added some cartoonish weirdness to the story, the costuming, set design, and overall "feel" of the thing was magnificent.
 

@ Darksock at 9:13PM

I'll second the Anonymous guy, even if he doesn't have the cojones to give himself a name!

What was pictures on TV? Katrina? I'll raise you one Ike. (September 13, 2008). You're in Mississippi, right? How did George Bush affect you? Haley Barbour?

I lost my condo during that hurricane (Ike), and a fair amount of my possessions. Took me several months to get any kind of insurance settlement. Fortunately my wife and I were saving up for a house. We pushed the button a month after Ike and bought a house (we were living in a hotel with our non-damaged stuff in storage). We didn't get quite the house we wanted (I wanted to save up for another year), but still got a decent house in a great neighborhood. Do I blame George Bush? No, why should I. FEMA is NOT a first responder agency. NEVER has been.

Blaming George Bush for Katrina is ridiculous on its merits. It'd be like me blaming Barack Obama for the 11 inches of rain I received in three hours early one morning back in late April, necessitating a new roof and water damage repair (new kitchen ceiling, new kitchen floor). So that's two different insurance claims in seven months. Whose fault would that be? Well, it'd be mine for living in a city (Houston) that is built on reclaimed swampland. I'm half a mile from a hundred year floodplain. Is that Obama's fault? No more than Katrina is Bush's.
 

I just noticed that Kimmy on the right is wearing stripper shoes.

That Abe is one classy guy.
 

Lincoln took one in the melon at Ford's Theater for this.

Talk about spinning in one's grave.

The distance between those two fingers marks full penile engorgement for our pal Linc.
 

But look at those melons.

They're spheres!
 

DISCLAIMER:

If you're not BillDouchiest please don't bother reading the following; stay on topic and mock on, good people. This is just for him.

***********

BillDouchiest T.W.S.:

I didn't intend for my post to come across as a right wing vs left wing screed which it clearly did and which is why I took down my comment. It simply started with a joke about Lincoln Log here having a tattoo of George W on his asshole but it was too hard to make out.

heh heh. That makes me chuckle still.

No, BillDouchiest, it was a screed against lack of leadership, mismanagement and the mass inertia of bureaucratic incompetence.

You are absolutely correct, FEMA is not intended to be the first responder. The local and state agencies are responsible for having water, ice, MRE's, etc. standing by. And they did; we've certainly been through storms before. That model tends to work fine for hurricanes, even major ones like Ike.

But Katrina was a 1,000 year storm the size of western Europe. It fucked my whole state up, and much of Alabama, and most of Louisiana. For fuck's sake, it even kicked Canada's ass, flooding Ontario and Quebec.

So what do you do when every police station, fire station, city hall in 11 towns along your 80 mile coast get obliterated? When all 82 of your states counties become distaster areas? And all the towns 150+ miles inland are equally incapacitated, including the state capital, because one out of 10 trees fell and knocked power out for WEEKS for a whole state, and your neighboring states? When all the state highways are impassible from downed 200 year old oak trees and snapped pines? When there's no gas, anywhere, no water, no ice, no Wal-Marts, no 7-Elevens, no belongings, no home?

My sheriff had to take an ice truck at gunpoint, which had been commandeered by FEMA, just to stack bodies into. They just had it sitting around, bewildered, stunned into inaction, waiting for direction from above. FEMA had control of tractor trailer refrigeration trucks full of ice in Jackson and kept them idling there for 3 days waiting on paperwork.

If not for the Red Cross and churches we would have been truly FUCKED. No wonder the rest of the world looked on, wondering WTF?

The local authorities did what they could. We took in a cop and his wife and 3 kids; their department had lost almost all of their cruisers, their precinct, their gear; and many of the cops, like him, lost their homes. He worked 20 hour shifts for a week; didn't even get to see the remains of his home. What are they gonna do, Bill D.? This wasn't an Ike, where the neighboring counties and towns pitch in, power trucks come from adjacent utilities, and all but the storm surge areas gets power, gas, stores, hospitals, etc. patched up and recovering in a couple of weeks.

FEMA and the federal government were the sole entity that had the resources to step into action.

They came, they saw, they sat.

They instead buried their nose in the FEMA handbook (about the size of a Grisham paperback) and the Stafford Act's rules and regs from the '70's.
 

Americans were dying on our own soil and the bureaucrats hunkered down and cited chapter and verse about why they could do nothing.

THAT is why "Brownie you're doing a heckuva job" still chaps my ass, and THAT is why I wrote what I wrote.

And sorry, BD, but Ike was not Katrina. Your experience was not ours.

I'm sorry you lost your shit in Ike, and I'm happy you got an insurance settlement. 90% of Katrina victims would be downright jealous. We still have hardworking people here paying a note on a slab because the insurance companies they faithfully sent payments to for decades just walked away scot free. Yet we are still all painted with the same brush as a bunch of lazy white trash and poor black leeches sitting on our ass with out hands out.

Eventually FEMA got their shit together and began to fulfill their mission. But in the first weeks of that catastrophe they, and George W., with the full might of the United States of America behind them, failed to grasp, and failed to act.

I know now that this country is built on a house of cards. One nuclear terrorist act, one pandemic, one monster hurricane, one massive San Andreas fault line megaquake and the shit all falls apart while the rest of the country shrugs and says "ahh that's what they get. Pull yourselves up; not what my tax dollars are for". I read those sorts of posts after the storm. Mostly from Texas. And those fuckers would be pushing and shoving first in line to get those debit cards and MRE's.

In closing my Scrotato-head length novella:

No BillDouchiest I was not "blaming George Bush for Katrina". Give me some fucking credit, man; I'm not that simple and I didn't think you were either.

I'm blaming George W. Bush for being a slack-jawed fucking idiot. The same tool that sat there blank faced, stammering his way through a kiddie book 10 minutes after being told we were under a major fucking terrorist attack, instead of springing up, dumping that kid off of his lap and tearing ass over to the Bat Cave to DO SOMETHING.

The same tool that put a soft-headed sycophant cronie in charge of the Federal Emergency Management Agency.

The same incurious moron that failed to grasp the scale and scope of the situation, even months after the fact, for 9/11, for Katrina, for the financial meltdown. Zero leadership, absolute incompetence.

It's not a liberal/conservative thing. It's a stupid/smart thing.
 

I had to break that rant into two posts; blogger stopped it at 4,960 words.

TAKE THAT SCROTATO HEAD
 

My balls itch.
 

Samurai Scrote once ate out Miley Cyrus.



In 1972.
 

Dammit, wrong thread.

Carry on.
 

@DarkSock^

I kept waiting for the part where Medusa floats by naked on a piece of salvaged Superdome with two French Quarter hotts attached like lamprey to her inner thighs...


Seriously, my heart goes out to the gulf coast. Katrina was a tragedy from start to finish. Well, actually it still hasn't ended.

But really, if you're gonna roll two full posts, you gotta have some crotch hickies or bouncing boobs. Bush and FEMA is not the kind of screwing I enjoy fwapping to.




I still do it.



I just don't enjoy it.
 

@ Scrotato:

Good point; it was a slobbering rant not meant for general consumption hence the disclaimer. Probably more for self therapy than rebuking BillD's rebuke of my ill-advised posts I shouldn't have wrote in the first place.

In closing, I agree with Yule Log 8:34 am.

If anybody else posted something like I did above I'd be the first to say "I Peed In a Horse", "my balls itch", or "I Like Turtles".
 

It hasn't still ended. We're still stuck with 100,000 Katrina "refugees" from New Orleans living off of government largesse here in Houston.

Stupid/smart thing? No, it is, quite simply a bureaucracy/bureaucracy thing.

By the way, can you tell me exactly what the secret service agent told Bush?

(Ike was bigger, but less powerful)

I like you, Darksock, but I think you're way off base here.
 

@BillDouchiest^

With all due respect to those whose lives have been turned inside out by natural diseasters, one major takeaway that I get from the whole thing is that the Federal Government can't seriously be counted on to do right by the people. Private entities reacted more quickly and more effectively with better results.

And many Americans are considering turning significant control of healthcare over to...

[Gets off soapbox, sets it on fire.]

Also, if Helena really does have a glass eye, I'd put it in her butt while I was taking her from behind so I could yell "Stop looking at me! You know how hard it is for me to perform when you watch me! Seriously look aw- Oh fine, I'm done. Happy now!?"
 

Alana, not Helena. Shit.
 

@ Scrotato 8:41

Are you effin' kidding?

I'm a paranoid, conspiracy-theory loony. If I had been blasted by a hurricane, I would be floating along in an inflatable military life raft, in a camouflage thong, tanker boots, a helmet and a smile. I'd have FIVE New Orleans hotties attatched to my thighs, tits and face, after a fine repast of home-sterilized drinking water, beef jerky, dried apples, canned tuna and pickled eggplant. We would, of course, be searching for others. Not to rescue them, but to take them for everything they have, by means of either bartering for my stash of bars of soap and chocolate, or at gunpoint.
 

Mr Scrotato Head:

I was about to ask who Helena was.

Never mind... :)

Medusa:

Where can my wife buy a camo thong? I'd like her to really into the spirit of things on our next visit to the gun range.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

@ BillDouchiest:

BillD, I love your wit, I like your posts, I regret instigating this and do not wish to continue it.

Ah fuggit, sure I will:

It was White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card, not a secret service agent, that broke the news to our dumbest President since Lyndon B. Johnson and he whispered these exact words: “A second plane hit the second tower. America is under attack.” I know this because I recently heard an excerpt from an interview with him on the subject last September 11th.

“A second plane hit the second tower. America is under attack.” Yep. I can see why so cryptic a message took several minutes for an epic dumb ass like Bush to process.

Bureaucracy will always fail in a vacuum of leadership; FEMA under Bush was a car without a driver. That's my point, and I refute your notion that we were doomed to the bungled handling of Katrina. Same thing for the retarded attack on Iraq, which was as off-topic to the war on Al-Quaeda as this thread is to Lincoln Log.

For fuck sake if Bush had been president in 1947 he would have invaded Mexico after Pearl Harbor...

Feh. I will speak no more of Bush, except in the next thread, and it will be about Alana's bush, not the historical footnote that is George W. Bush.

Shit. See, there, I just did it again. In the same sentence.
 

In heated debates such as the one being carried forth by the honorable sirs, DarkSock and BillDouchiest, I hearken back to our beloved BCS, who uttered these words in The Thread We Don’t Speak Of from last year:

no matter who [won] the election, nothing will change. your life will be unaffected. you will still work your miserable job, go home to your nagging wife, and pray to god that maybe, just maybe, she decides to have a little wine that night so perhaps she will let you fuck her. the country will continue to plunge further into debt, there will continue to be no universal health care, there will be increased poverty, decreased jobs here, outsourced jobs overseas, banks will continue to fail, the us dollar will continue to decrease in value, and the country will plunge further and further into the inevitable abyss. i for one am already starting to learn chinese.

I miss that man.

It may even border on confused homosexual feelings. But I’m okay with that.

As I said, carry on.
 

Wait....Pearl Harbor was 1941, not 1947.

Fuccen Germans.
 

Crucial:

Indeed: BCS's words were eerily prescient.

I gave his wife a little wine, and she let me fuck her.








Let's see if that comment smokes his ass out of hiding
 

BCS wants to learn Chinese? why didn't he tell me about it? that's what you get for taking a (roughly) yearlong hiatus on HCwDB.
 

@DarkSock ^1:43

Jesus...heeheehee. I've read many of BCS's posts from the before times and he is hilarious.

@Medusa^

When all hell finally does break loose I'm heading for Chicago, looking for the white hottie with the tat sleeve. I know a survivor when I see one. Mrs. Scrotato Head can come too. You'd like her, she's all innocent.
 

BCS was in that Kevin Smith documentary. Which makes him a celeb. Which makes us like the dudes in Entourage.

In a way.
 

WITH MALICE TOWARD NONE, WITH CHARITY FOR ALL, listen to the mockingbird howling when Mark Twain saw this photo.
Or at least imagine it.

Springfield, IL has never been the same since.
 

I saw this guy have a seizure back in 1999 at a club rubber party. Was first and last rubber event. The how on the right, seen her at the gym.. don't know here.. fugly in person.
 

Nobody else said it so I will...

THE ROAD DOG JESSE JAMES!!!!!!!