My GAWD I hate the Yankees


Every night I leave an offering of Axe scented taint shavings and pray to Xenu that Alex Rodriguez gets a career ending scrotum injury.
 

Äny pïnk spörtïng cäp ïs döüchïë.
 

dots over your vowels makes you a douche
 

Being an Anon makes you a douche
 

The hott on the right stares right through my soul.
 

CLOSE THE FUCKING REFRIGERATOR!!!
 

I call Shenanigans,
I know a lot Yankees fans and none of them where Yankees hats. The only people I have ever met that where Yankees hats are puds that think it makes them look tough and they were/are all Douches

Most idiots bye the hat as representation of NY more than the team, so don't complain if your teams logo has become a douche signifier.

I am a Red Sox fan and I am obviously a little biased towards all things Yankee, and I realize that a lot of chipped tooth, shell toed wearing assholes wear Red Sox hats, but the amount of global scrote that wear Yankees hats is unforgivable.
Go Phils!
 

"...as yet unidentifiable douche status."?

It has been identified. It is you. Supporting evidence: "I can assure you the chicks love me even though I do not exhibit ANY douchebag characteristics (careful, you might be exhibiting one now) BUT have been a lifelong Yankee fan."

Also, check your premises. I just consulted the list:

Douchebag Characteristics

...
59. Ab Reveal
60. Eyebrow sculpting
61. Fan of A-Rod
62. Ankledana
63. Saying 'chicks dig me' without 'because I never wear underwear'
...

Ironic Pentameter
 

There as many Yankee hat wearing nottadouches as Don Mattingly World Series rings.

Exactly.

Zero.
 

@ J Bone

1) I am a Yankees fan, and have been known to wear a Yankee cap,

2) My mother is from the Bronx, so I was raised a Yankees fan,

3) Red Sox suck; you know not of what you speak, and

4) Buck Foston.
 

goddamn, that guy and the girl on the left look very familiar, i think they might go to my university... i will make sure to mock if they ever cross my path.
 

Short brunette hott,

How do I lust thee?
Let me count the ways...

Thy pouty DSLs quiver mine nethers furiously
Thy dark 'fuck me now or lose me forever' eyes bestill my soul,
Thy tiny hips beg me to carry thee around in my pocket...
...and by mine pocket I mean, tucked inbetweenst mine sac and mine taintal territory.

But first...ye must rid thine self of NY Yankees hat wearing choadscrotes.
 

Douche denial...so sad.
 

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Nice, takes the bait.
 

Meh - where's my ass pear?
 

Willard was a generous boy. He loved to take his dates into his mother’s kitchen. He loved to see his date’s eyes light up and sparkle when he showed them his shiny Cutco knife block set. He loved to show them his mother’s extra large freezer. He even allowed them to point out different spots in the freezer they felt would best suit a slab of meat –of various and sundry portions. Willard had a habit of licking his already moist lips when explaining things in the kitchen. The dates he brought into this place rarely gave this curious bit of foreplay any deeper thought.

The next morning, when Willard’s mom returned home from her customary three-day tour as a flight attendant, she would eagerly comb through the freezer, with parched lips and famished lust, seeking the miscellaneous elbows, kneecaps, knuckles and skull pates that hadn’t already been picked clean by her ravenous son.
 

@Mattingly's 'Stache -

Hey, no harm, no foul if you're the true fan you claim to be. But surely you can understand Yankee cap-wearing douchebags when you see one, right?

You, on the other hand, are someone I'll assume can name the team's manager, starting pitching staff, etc. The same definitely doesn't hold true for any of these guys.....

- "Wheezer"

P.S. Not a Yankees fan here, either, but I always liked Mattingly.
 

And now, I anxiously await this week's Ass Pear.

And by "anxiously await," I mean "furiously 'bate."
 

The hat looks a little sideways and put a bend in the peak and you may be okay. But then again my 11 year old took one look at the photo and said defineatly a douche

And why do you have a yellow and green plastic pistol tucked in your pants
 

Yankee fan:

How much is the payroll these days? Looks like the GDP of several Eastern European countries. You guys should win the W.S. every (other) year.

And Boston should win the ones in between; same reason.

PS: Thanks for shipping Jed Hoyer out to my beloved SoCal town. Fuckin' Theo Epstein's retarded cousin.

Pad's in the dumper for another decade.
 

Despite my previous rant, I will admit that yes, the douchebags have appropriated our historic logo. That's why I didn't take issue with DB1's initial posting on the subject. I guess I got a little riled up with the Series being tied and all.

I blame Fred Durst. But some of that blame falls squarely on the team and/or their agents who licensed the life out of that logo. While most other teams have apparel for sale with idiotic, Hardy-esque designs, the Yankees is by far the most (ab)used.

@ J Bone
My apologies for knocking what is a great city; however I don't know if you caught it last night but it WAS fun to watch the old footage of Pedro beating on a geriatric! Pitching talent aside, you guys most be happy to be rid of him.
 

I fucked a mule's ear with a baseball bat once.
 

Sorry NO Yankmees Fan (sorry Douche Wayne) gets a pass ever. If you were raised in NY YOU COULD ALWAYS CHEER FOR THE METS. No one forced the Yankmees down your throat. If your parents made you, then that's child abuse and they should be getting a visit from Social Services.

Yes, I'm a RedSox fan. So the fuck what? I'm not some bandwagon-jumping asshole that has given real Sox fans a bad name. I've been with them through Jose Canseco (WTF?) and Mo Vaughn (he ate what?)and those assclown traitors Boggs and Clemens. Seeing Fisk and Yaz always made my day. BTW FUCK BUCKY DENT and AARON FUCKING BOONE!!!!!

You never see any rappers or shit hop "artists" wearing Sox gear. No one wears a Sox hat at a 10 degree angle. If they do they are a fucktard that should have the shit beaten out of them. I would gladly set Ben Affleck on fire in front of his wife and children (assuming he has any) just to make sure I never see him in a Sox hat again.

Why all the vitriol Dr. HoneyDocuhe? It's fucking Yankmees fans that have tried to make us look bad when we won in '04. (Shit EVERYBODY knew Roberts was going to steal second but Posada and his candy arm couldn't throw out an epileptic tree sloth with one leg.) Suddenly we became assholes after the last win in 1918. Yes, some people got out of control but the majority of Sox fans are the best people I've known/met. There's only been ONE Yankmees fan that I kow and is a reasonable human and I almost didn't go to their wedding because of her allegiance.

Because most douches and there lot wear Yankmees hats (even with no allegiance to the team at all) they deserve what they get.

And yes, I'll admit there were only two Yankmees worth a shit. Mattingly was one and the other was Lou Gehrig. ALL the rest and their fans will forever be douches.
 

@ Douche Wayne
No problem, I am to blame too. I have been getting the only Yankee fan in the office riled up all day out of boredom. I love how serious people can get over their hometown teams (myself included). Enough bickering! Let us have drunk, fighting Ewoks !
 

Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for water to be wet or ice to be cold... it takes zero imagination or thought, or brains, or creativity, hence, you'll never find an intelligent, funny, or witty Yankee lover, only inbred jock wannabes, frat fucks who had to buy their "friends," wiggers, wankers, and generally a lower class of individual, not to mention intellect, from the rest of the human race.

Also Yankee fans are the most obnoxious fan of any team ever in the history of sports, they think their shit doesn't stink yet they're just big piles of it, they have zero class, in short, Yankee fan = douchebag ten times over.

Yankee fans need to do the world a favor... stop breathing.
 

Yankee caps are classic
along with that I'm sure this video game warrants
its own article
http://www.djhero.com/
 

Wow, Doctor Bunsen. Some would argue the fact that making such asinine sweeping generalizations makes one the biggest douche of them all. I’d hate to hear what you think about something that actually mattered.
 

Doc Bunsen

Please stop holding back, and tell us how you really feel about Yankee fans.
 

Oh, for the love of Lämp.

Guys, before this turns into The Thread We Don’t Speak Of, Part II, (sports version) please allow the rest of us the decency of going to the local convenience store, and purchasing a tub of popcorn.
 

And fellers, don't forget the way Yankee Stadium calls guys out of the dugout for a curtain call for just about anything.

It's like a freakin' Broadway play.

Someday Jeter's going to get a "Standing O" for tucking in his shirt and tying his shoes in the on deck circle.


The protrait of Yaz hanging over my shoulder in my office just chuckled at Dr B HoneyDouche's rant.
 

Let's face it, NY and NJ are responsible for douchebag existence. The Yankees (and the Mets) just by their location are douche-laden as well. The NY and NJ accent are douchey. I had to turn down a bleeth one nite cuz of that accent.
 

@ Ummm, naw dude

What subject do you want to talk about? I have some pretty harsh views about String Theory too? Since that seems over your head, I'll let you pick the topic.

@Shitty Part Time Fair Weather Padre Fan

I said I was going to look into decaf earlier this week. I just haven't had the time.

Every now and then Evil Dr. HoneyDouche jumps out and I have to beat him back into his cage.
 

Go Saints!



Alright, I haven't watched them once this year.


Baseball?

yawn

I'll start watching when the Commissioner finally considers my suggestion for the addition into the game of a team spear (or small caliber hand gun). Otherwise: it's basically golf with a straightened stick and no hole. Grown men have no business doing that shit in public. Get jobs, you pin-striped assholes!
 

*...pulls pin from grenade...*

Hey guys! What do you think of the new Health Care Reform initiatives!

*...lobs grenade and hauls ass...*
 

Hooray, a new pic above!!
No more Yankee comments.
 

In a rare reference to the photo, Torque MuleBrow observes that the youngsters pictured therein are making a literal shit sandwich.
 

Hey look, there's Bra!!zilian Ass Pear! On a balcony!



(resumes masturbating)



(furiously)
 

I've said my piece and I'm going to leave it classy.

We now return to the regularly scheduled circle jerk between Dr. Bunsen, ImageWrangler and Vin Douchal.

Have a wicked good time!
 

@ ImageWrangler 12:53

When you say that Yankee fan=douchebag ten times over tells me that you have never met a Chicago Cubs fan. Wrigley Field is the home of the no class douchebag!!!
 

@ Douche Wayne 1:18pm

I am done as well. No personal hard feelings. Sometimes we all get a bit carried away.

Bad, Evil Dr. HoneyDouche, Bad. No stop it and get back in the cage.

@ Vin Douchal

I always wanted to make Yaz chuckle.
 

I think we can all agree that there's hardly a better game to watch than BoSox v. Yanks.

Now then, gentlemen: ASSPEAR. UP TOP.
 

Why do both ladies look so forlorn, while Yankee fan looks so happy? Perhaps, like us, they are considering the futility of it all.

Or maybe it's just because they, unlike us, can smell him.
 

" So that's how it is in their family."
 

A Yankees fan, a Red Sox fan, a Mets fan, and a Dodgers fan all go for a hike. They argue the whole way about whose team is best and which of them is the most devoted fan.

At a cliff's edge, the Dodger fan announces that he is most devoted and throws himself off of the cliff while saying "This is for the Dodgers!"

The Mets fan, being the douche that he is, doesn't want to be upstaged so he too throws himself off of the cliff yelling, "This is for the Mets!"

The Red Sox fan then takes one look at the Yankees fan and says, "This is for everyone else!" and promptly shoves the Yankees fan off of the cliff.


True story.

-noobbag
 

Croosh and Creatch.....

At a cliff's edge, the Dodger fan announces that he is most devoted and throws himself off of the cliff while saying "This is for the Dodgers!"

Please, guys, post again so we know noobbag's story isn't about you. We can't lose any more regs to drunk wives or IT departments.
 

Happy Friday to Dr. Bunsen!
 

"I have some pretty harsh views about String Theory too?"
You mean anthropic arguments don't do it for you? The fact that they have successfully postdicted several things by selecting the version of the theory that gave them the answer doesn't make you believe? Come on, say it with me... Heterotic SO(32) is dual with Type I, Type IIA is dual with Type IIB, Heterotic E8 is self-dual... Therefore there must be an underlying theory that describes the universe and is based on Strings.
 

besides, YANKEES SUCK!
 

Well I have to agree, merely bein a Yankee fan puts one in autodouche category. Every time I bring up the Yankees, someone always blurts out "gawd, I HATE their fans!" they are beyond douchey as a rule, and the exceptions prove it. I went to an an angel alcs game with a Yankee fan, and even he was embarrassed for the other yAnkees in our section. They are the Salacious Crumbs of the world, licking the spoils off the Jabba the Hutt that is the Yankee franchise.
 

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while Yankeehats may be worn by normal people and douchebags alike, i am fully convinced that Mattingly's 'Stache is a douchebag.
 

seems to me all u fuckers on here are the real douches while the niggas in the photos are gettn at these hoes. Now the only pimpn here is the nigga who runs this site. But that's only if he's bringin in a profit. The rest of u tricks are squares.
 

^great now there's a Braves fan up in h'year.
 

Yes, the fuckers pictured on here are the real douches, hence the name of the website: "Hot Chicks with DOUCHEBAGS." You can call them "niggas" from the safety of your mom's home if you like, but these douchebags are all fuckers and a waste of society's time and oxygen, just like you.

So where are you featured?
 

Most like any group you cannot really make one sweeping generalization but given the idiocy that reigns supreme on the internet it seems that is common amongst most social forums. Yankee fans are spread fire and wide amongst the socio economic classes, education levels and douchebag stages. I for one am a Yankees fan having been born and raised in NYC and am not a douchebag. To compare anyone who supports their geographic team that represents their city to a douchebag is in of itself douchebaggery.

All this vitriol directed towards the NY Yankees organization and their fans is pretty funny. It borders on the irrational hatred that corrupts all of human kind when there is an us versus them mentality. To truly overcome these biological(some say environmental) urges to lash out against those different then us we need to keep an open mind. There are douchebags amongst all groups. There are cool smart people amongst all groups. I personally know douchebags who are Red Sox fans, Yankee Fans, Mets Fans, Phillies fans, etc.. I also have good friends that root for those teams. To lump someone as a douchebag simply because of who they root for is folly.

As for me I generally appreciate those fans that care for the game and this is generally the north east teams. I like that Red Sox fans get angry, it is part of the fun. However I do not hate them for their choice of team.

As to the tilted flat brim sticker wearing assholes who are not from NY who wear the interlocking NY? Well fuck em, fuck em right in the ear. Those douchebags simply enjoy things that are made popular by their "style icons". For this I am not sure if we should blame the Jay Zs and Fred Dursts of the world but we should blame our own culture which fosters stupidity and mindless consumerism. Actually fuck it Fred Durst should be ass raped by a rhino.
 

Re:NY and NJ being the home of douchebaggery and our douchebag accents.

Well I have had to explain this to many people when they do not believe I am from NY but not all of us speak like Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter. I have no accent(went to public school in the city), nor do I wear jewelery, have a tattoo, wear bandanas, hair gel, etc. Many native NYers do not have these things. Many do and I find them just as annoying as everyone else. There are 13 million people in a very small area and some of them are douches. I doubt the percentage is very much different than anywhere else in the world.
So if you think all of NY is douche, kettle meet the pot.

By the way most NYers without an accent find LI, NJ, Brooklyn and Queens accents to be fairly annoying. Boston accents are just as bad if not worse and don't get me started on all the southern and midwestern variants.
 

Oh and the person who almost didn't go to a friends wedding because she was a Yankee fan. If that was not a joke, you are a complete and utter psycopath who probably has an IQ under 90.
 

AND FUCK FISH SLAP.
 

Holy cow, are those girls 12 years old or what? They look like they're trying to stop their drunken, shirtless daddy from ruining yet another one of their slumber parties.

Sports? Meh.

But there is no denying that some of us 'baghunters have one or two douche tendencies that can be mocked. It is possible to use something that is now an adouchetrement, without being an autodouche. Having a tan doesn't make you an autodouche. IMHO wearing a baseball cap doesn't either, even if it is the Yankees. Gold chains, Grey Goose, tattoos, none in the singular makes one douche. It's the attitude in which it is displayed, along with the combination of other adouchetrements that signifies a true douche.

Hardworking, low-key dude in a Yankees cap? Notta. Orange jackass with a sideways Yankees cap, popped collar, giving the finger to the camera? Superdouche. Even though I have a sleeve myself, I see sleeved-out, shaved-chest Abercrombie puds about and I think, "Douche". I'd like to think my ghastly white skin, curly (and slightly graying) hair, lack of fingernails and jewelry saves me from Bleeth, but I'm prepared to accept the fact that I am marked with what has now become a douche signifier. Those bastards.....

So, Mattingly's Stache, don't get yourself all worked up. It ain't that serious. Laugh at yourself a bit and don't take it personal. Douche, as it is, has no sense of self and has to usurp from others. So, it's stolen my tattoos, your Yankees cap, et cetera. Just laugh at yourself a little, then hot a douche in the head with a trash can.
 

I concur douches have stolen a lot of good shit and used it to the shame of all. Tattoos arent douchey but some are(except arm bands of a tribe you dont belong to, Abraham Lincoln, etc..). Yankee hats arent either unless they are a shade other than navy blue.

Ed Hardy though, you would have to be a real normal down to earth guy who didnt know any better or whose hot girlfriend bought the shirt to not be a douche.
 

As a denizen of Yankeeland, I deem the comments of Mattingly's 'Stache as proof that in fact wearing a Yankee hat - regardless of the angle - is a sign of the douchebag.

"I do not exhibit ANY douchebag characteristics BUT have been a lifelong Yankee fan and occasional “traditional” Yankee hat wearing fan."

The is a classic symptom and serves as prima facie evidence of the douchebag disease, in that the victim is unaware that being a Yankee fan and wearing a hat is one of the major components of being a douche. It's like saying, "Sure I inject heroin everyday, but I don't fall asleep on the toilet and shit myself, so I'm not a drug addict."
 

Sorry, all Yankee fans are douchebags! And, regardless of how many World Series rings "the most despicable franchise in professional sports" wins, YANKEES SUCK!!!!!!
 

I am not a baseball fan, but maybe people just enjoy watching the best players play. Kind of like watching Tiger play golf.
 

Why is this even being discussed? If you like the Yankee's you are a Douche. That hat just add's to your doucheiness.
Douchebag...
 

In my opinion, Yankee hats are for...wait for it...Yankee ballplayers, you know, the guys actually on the team.

Anyone else is just an imposter.

A young Jeffrey Dahmer shows the neighborhood gashish the contents of his new Kenmore SuperFreeze 8000.

Then he devours them with cocktail sauce.
 

I saw some Canadians this past weekend. They were megadouches, and they wore Yankee caps.

'Stache may consider becoming an Orioles fan.