Saturday, November 28, 2009
The 2009 Douchies: Starting December 7th
Your humble narrator is busy processing and preparing for our gala year end awards show and competition, The 2009 Douchie Awards.
A two week festive celebration/mock of all things hottie/scrotey, as well as a voting competition to determine our final winners of the year.
Forget the Oscars. Ignore the Emmys. Urinate on the People's Choice Awards.
This is where the real cultural awards are given out.
Props to all for their suggestions/nominations, your voices have been heard. I've fixed the overlooked categories, adding Hottest Librarian Hott, Douchiest Tattoo and Douchiest ShamWOW Pitchman to the mix.
There will also be a 2009 Irving Thallbag Lifetime Achievement Award, and I'm sure many of you can guess who will receive it.
Get ready.
The Douchies are one week away.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 12:36 PM 
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"There will also be a 2009 Irving Thallbag Lifetime Achievement Award, and I'm sure many of you can guess who will receive it."
Yep, gotta be the Donkster.
Yep, gotta be the Donkster.
2009, the year the Donk finally gets his due!
This will top off an epic year for DD, where he had the pleasure of incarceration, and being forced to give up the Man-Pussy on a near daily basis...
This will top off an epic year for DD, where he had the pleasure of incarceration, and being forced to give up the Man-Pussy on a near daily basis...
# posted by 
: 1:52 PM
: 1:52 PM
Hasn't the Donk already gotten a lifetime achievement award?
I'm thinking Kettlehead for that one...just for the sheer volume of appearances with quality hotts he's made.
I'm thinking Kettlehead for that one...just for the sheer volume of appearances with quality hotts he's made.
...and on this Thanksgiving I am grateful for DB1 and his fucking awesome blog.
# posted by : 2:55 PM
: 2:55 PM
@Max, 1:57 p.m. -
Past I.T.L.A.A. winners are Gator (2007) and (Fuck) Fish Slap (2008).
My guess is that this is Donkey Douche's year. Unlike Kettlehead, Donk's already in the HoS and, over the last few months, has sent in a couple of messages denouncing us as losers, etc.
@Anon, 1:49 p.m. -
Smoot looks to be the favorite for the 2009 Douche of the Year, so his first chance at a Thallbag will have to come in 2010. He's definitely a contender for it, though, perhaps by 2011.
Past I.T.L.A.A. winners are Gator (2007) and (Fuck) Fish Slap (2008).
My guess is that this is Donkey Douche's year. Unlike Kettlehead, Donk's already in the HoS and, over the last few months, has sent in a couple of messages denouncing us as losers, etc.
@Anon, 1:49 p.m. -
Smoot looks to be the favorite for the 2009 Douche of the Year, so his first chance at a Thallbag will have to come in 2010. He's definitely a contender for it, though, perhaps by 2011.
Besides Baghunter the year, Wheezer is in my opinion also the Librarian of the HCwDB institute.
Wheezer, can you kindly submit a photo of yourself, wearing homely glasses like Velma of Scooby Doo?
Wheezer, can you kindly submit a photo of yourself, wearing homely glasses like Velma of Scooby Doo?
'Sock, how 'bout this?
No, it's not me but I took the liberty of providing a better photo of "Velma."
No, it's not me but I took the liberty of providing a better photo of "Velma."
@scrotum pole
You found a pic of Lamp and his hot!! This must be why he was too busy for Turkey Pear.
You found a pic of Lamp and his hot!! This must be why he was too busy for Turkey Pear.
Remembered kids, it's hotchickswithdouchebags, NOT librarian hott boobs with not quite stage two bags or all bag no hott or super orange with mediocre bland or hot hot hot with not-a-douche.
Requirements are a hott chick and a full on douche. If you need more help on what this means, check the FAQ. If you still don't get it, don't vote.
Requirements are a hott chick and a full on douche. If you need more help on what this means, check the FAQ. If you still don't get it, don't vote.
@ El C
Yes, Lamp can be seen leaning seductively over her desk, learing at her with bad intentions.
Beatrice, the librarian, outwardly appears uninterested, but inside she's squirming with lustful anticipation. In fact she becomes a bit uncomfortable, as a small moist spot begins to form on the cushion of her seat.
Which brings me to the question:
To quyalify for '09 Librarian Hot, must the contestant actually work in a library, or is it OK if she once read a boook?
Or an article in People?
Or a Sybian owners manual?
Yes, Lamp can be seen leaning seductively over her desk, learing at her with bad intentions.
Beatrice, the librarian, outwardly appears uninterested, but inside she's squirming with lustful anticipation. In fact she becomes a bit uncomfortable, as a small moist spot begins to form on the cushion of her seat.
Which brings me to the question:
To quyalify for '09 Librarian Hot, must the contestant actually work in a library, or is it OK if she once read a boook?
Or an article in People?
Or a Sybian owners manual?
I second the DarkSock nomination. Dude should think about his own spin-off site!
# posted by : 6:42 PM
: 6:42 PM
@Imagewrangler
I always vote boobies. I just can't help myself. If I can get myself under control, I vote titties. This thought process has served me well, when it comes to voting and masturbating.
I always vote boobies. I just can't help myself. If I can get myself under control, I vote titties. This thought process has served me well, when it comes to voting and masturbating.
Smoot doesn't need your votes.
He is above votes.
He will take the crown with force and black fingernail polish.
'Cause that shit makes you look super tough.
He is above votes.
He will take the crown with force and black fingernail polish.
'Cause that shit makes you look super tough.
Donky Douche for 2009 Irving Thallbag Lifetime Achievement Award. He's earned it.
# posted by : 9:09 PM
: 9:09 PM
I think I can get this trophy up my ass. Reminds me when Carmen used to fist me before breakfast.
# posted by : 9:18 PM
: 9:18 PM
The girl who played Velma is a Total Hott. Her name is Linda Cardellini, and she looks like this.
Fwing! go the throbbing members in a salute to beauty...
Fwing! go the throbbing members in a salute to beauty...
Keep up the good work DB1! - let me know where to send a box of Ho-Ho's and a bottle of T-bird to keep you going.
The Donk gets the Thallbag Award. Maybe he will come in with a little comment to thank everyone who voted for him.
And by thank us, I mean call us pathetic losers.
When a douchebag calls you a pathetic loser, is that really a backwards compliment?
When a douchebag calls you a pathetic loser, is that really a backwards compliment?
I was checking out some old posts and came across this gem...
Donk and his best friends
Not sure who created this masterpiece, so whoever you are... bravo!
Donk and his best friends
Not sure who created this masterpiece, so whoever you are... bravo!
Ah, the Douchies are upon us again. And I don't have a thing to wear. Given that I was too lazy/busy getting railed to throw in category suggestions way back when, may I propose Douchiest hairstyle, if it's not been added?
@ Troy
Linda Cardellini was a scrumptious Velma, but Hollywood still must pay for casting Rosie Fuccen O'Donnell as the fwap-worthy Betty Rubble. WTF....These are the same Hollywood Nephews that almost cast Bill Murray as Batman, but settled on 5'-4" Michael "Can You Build Me A Chin Please" Keaton.
Linda Cardellini was a scrumptious Velma, but Hollywood still must pay for casting Rosie Fuccen O'Donnell as the fwap-worthy Betty Rubble. WTF....These are the same Hollywood Nephews that almost cast Bill Murray as Batman, but settled on 5'-4" Michael "Can You Build Me A Chin Please" Keaton.
i think the engraving on the trophy should be something iconic of douchery rather than the couple currently portrayed. Perhaps an flipped-bill hat? douche goggles? a fine inlay of chinstraps? or maybe just a pair of kissy faced lips, eh?
I say let's just teabag them all and be done with it, no need to vote. They're all losers, er winners, er, losers.
@Darksock
Yes, O'Donnell's Betty Rubble was a bad move. But it was a sucktastic movie, so who cares?
Michael Keaton, while short, is effective as Batman - you can work miracles with Apple Boxes and camera angles, and he's got a good voice for the part.
Yes, O'Donnell's Betty Rubble was a bad move. But it was a sucktastic movie, so who cares?
Michael Keaton, while short, is effective as Batman - you can work miracles with Apple Boxes and camera angles, and he's got a good voice for the part.
The Donk shouldn't win the Thallbag award. He's a shadow of his former self. He's a broken down mess. Well, maybe he should but a better winner would be Xenu or Joey Porsche. Although, maybe having your visage on the cup is enough for the Porsche.
# posted by : 5:30 AM
: 5:30 AM
May I suggest a "Moment of Zen with Samurai Scrote" award? No one will touch the master in this category but a few have tried with pathetic imitation.
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