and wear tight white jeans.
 

It's fitting that he's making fart sounds with his palms since he is poo. Then I wonder what he considers "polishing a turd"?

Probably the same thing I'm doing when I think of her boobs muffled by today's teal-topped librarian hott.
 

wtf. Did he get back from a fencing tournament? Why the douche is he wearing tight white pants? And that chick looks like a Stevie Wonder-like blind jack-o-lantern with an early 90s perm. AND... that guy has outrageously small hands relative to his head.
 

He's just that tighty whitey kinda guy.
 

No wonder he smells like poo. Jeez, even my kids don't push 'em out that hard.
 

The quality of the last few posted broads is questionable at best, the smell of douche is not.
 

^^Missed librarian hottie.
 

What a fucking asshat. I have a feeling that chesty's grin will become even wider after asshat's brains become one with the shitty door behind them. Your welcome, chesty. Can you imagine the plasma fountain spewing forth from the Ed Hardy hole where asshat's head once was? *racks shotgun*
 

Librarian Hott = The CosmoBag
 

This scrote scab does not have, yea he IS a bowel impaction.
 

If Christian Audigier had a teratoma removed from his abdomen, it would look like this guy.
 

I'm thinkin' he had one too many porch beef burritos.
 

Publicity still from "For whom the chin tolls".
 

That guys chin is discolored from years of use as a ball ottoman.
 

This guy is textbook. Bravo. Bravissimo.

You , sir, are it. In your own mind you are the conquering hero of fine pussy, macho silhouette of manhood , desired by woman of all ages and a paladin to small kittens stuck in trees.


And by all that I mean, what an asshole .......
 

Now that's the type of choad that you enjoy mocking from a relatively close distance. Normally I would preach caution in regards to these roid raged bags. But this douche is different.

The tight shirt and muscle pose say, "hey guy, I'm super tough, don't mess with me."

But the tight white pants say, "I want Shelly to hook me up with her hott older brother."

And the pants neve lie.
 

Wait. Who has the constipation?
 

Hold on a minute! What do I have to squeeze?
 

Greg prepares for Dancing with the Stars: Douche Edition
 

I wouldn't mind waltzing all over her Paso Doble...
 

by the look on Charlene's face & her posture, I'd say she's squeezing out a foot of knotted rope... Jimbo is leaning in for a whiff
 

I like the very 3-D quality of the mark of the douche on his forehead, and the equally 3-D assets on her upper torso: they make for great studio art drawing of the human figure.

Besides, anyone holding those poses for any more than five minute would get that look on their faces too. Restroom's down the hallway, folks.
 

Is she going potty in a trailer home, while he tries to hold it in?
 

White jeans are so passe, and show skid-marks.
 

Captain Bringdown @4:37 FTW w/ "ball ottoman".
 

I must say that although the douche is certainly deserving of that appellation, his female companion has a most joyous and sincere smile. Which makes the scene all the more disturbing.
 

Doug used Kathy's long grinding Sybian ride as an opportunity to slip into her white Capri pants and ejaculate like a mayonnaise machine gun.
 

Jerry squeezed each fetus tightly as they popped out, one by one.




What?
 

Quote: "The Cure For Constipation"

More like Cause and Effect.

Ugh.
 

@DarkSock^

"Mayonnaise Machine Gun"

Gawd. That is visionary. And must be invented. Secure the patent today.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

I would revise the steps to the cure as such:

1. Circumcise self with carrot peeler

2. Put on your cheapest Ed Hardy

3. Lean over a well endowed lady friend's boobs (for inspiration)

4. Flex intensely

5. Make "The Kissy Lips"

6. Squeeze

7. Suck-off hobo
 

I will take solace knowing that Jeffrey suffered a severe stroke only moments after this photo was taken.

Or maybe it was an aneurysm?

Or maybe it was irritable bowl syndrome? No, wait, that's me after looking at this putz.
 

Or a fecal impaction? No wait, this guy IS a fecal impaction. My bad.
 

6. Lather

7. Rinse

8. Repeat
 

"Andrew Dice Clay, this is YOUR life!"

He had no idea who the chick was when they brought her out.
 

i will poop in her boobies.

that's what separates me from constipation boy.
 

As Chef Hugo shapes another Porch Beef patty, Angie happily squirts the remnants of his last one on the kitchen floor.
 

Mona lived a lonely existence at the Home for Blind Bleeths until Drew came into her life. He would regale her with tales of going hunting for porch beef with his buddy Ed Hardy. He told her that he looked like "a young Sly Stallone in Rambo" and that clinking she heard was his dogtags from "being over there." Mona loved the companionship even if she could tell he seemed "a little off". After their latest visit was capped off with a photo Mona would never see, Drew's handler came to retrieve him and take him back to The Great Ape exhibit.
 

You forgot: 6. Put on tight white pants.
 

Metamucil works for me. Still, I'd leave in the step requiring a lean over those boobies.
 

instructions for creating a proper meat wallet:

clench tightly

prepare pucker

insert bruce

-douche bagel
 

You've got to love pumpies when they flex for no apparent reason.