Friday, November 06, 2009
Friday Thoughts and Links
Yup. Your narrator is already drunk. Because it's Friday.
And, as we all know, the concept of the "Weekend" is simply a temporal framework to justify habitual alcoholism.
Here's your links:
For those 'bag hunters who like to bet on sports, check out BetUS and place your bets. (sponsored link)
Regis and Kelly dress as Jon and Kate HCwDB for Halloween. It's a simulacra of an echo of a postmodern pastiche. And stupid.
For the nerds among us: Baguette shuts down Large Hadron Collider. No word on if it was Josephine.
Most underrated genius videogame of the 1990s: Parappa the Rappa. Kick! Punch! It's all in the mind. Don't get cocky! It's gonna get rocky!
What happens when a couple of Aussie douchebags in Melbourne decide to produce their own party video? Nothing much for the first two minutes. And not much more after that. (this may actually be the longest, most boring, and slowest rap in history)
An Indian douche in New Delhi sues Lynx bodyspray for not getting any hotts. That won't curry favor with the jury.
Bags on Board. Not what you think it is. Although they're experts at cleaning up poo.
Ass Pear as optical illusion? Disturbing.
Here's your real Pear... Desk Pear.
Go forth, kids. It's time for good times. And by good times, I mean hott liberating. And, of course 'bag mocking. From a safe and healthy distance.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 12:46 PM 
Comments:
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**clicks on**
I Love Ass Pear and ImageWrangler is the adhesive element in donkey Jizz
**clicks off**
I Love Ass Pear and ImageWrangler is the adhesive element in donkey Jizz
**clicks off**
# posted by 
: 12:50 PM
: 12:50 PM 
The Desk Pear photo was done by Derek Bartolo. Initials DB.
Irony?
Probably not because I am jealous as hell.
Irony?
Probably not because I am jealous as hell.
# posted by : 1:00 PM
: 1:00 PM
Well, since it is Friday, I thought it best to announce to everyone here that I am now sober…
… since 8am this morning.
And I plan to celebrate my newfound sobriety by drinking the rest of my Maker’s from last night. And then probably start on a new bottle, if my buzz hasn’t reached the “seeing god” stage. Wish me luck my fellow hunters and huntresses.
Cheers!
… since 8am this morning.
And I plan to celebrate my newfound sobriety by drinking the rest of my Maker’s from last night. And then probably start on a new bottle, if my buzz hasn’t reached the “seeing god” stage. Wish me luck my fellow hunters and huntresses.
Cheers!
That Aussie video was badass. Every thug I know starts his music video off with "I'm expecting a phone call later."
Solid links as always, boss. A good five minute distraction from the four hour moral debate with myself on whether or not to close my door and go to porn sites in the office on Friday afternoons.
Solid links as always, boss. A good five minute distraction from the four hour moral debate with myself on whether or not to close my door and go to porn sites in the office on Friday afternoons.
# posted by : 1:05 PM
: 1:05 PM
I find the Ass Pear Illusion quite disturbing.
It sends conflicting images to my confused and already limited perceptions of reality.
It sends conflicting images to my confused and already limited perceptions of reality.
I am sure the office wonks are enjoying Desk Pear. She is better than top-drawer, a file for my cabinet.
Someday DB1 will perhaps offer us keyboard musicians and REAL night club fans Grand Piano Pear.
I am getting myself all keyed up for that moment in time.
It might even outdo Partridge-in-an-Ass-Pear Tree during the winter holidays.
Someday DB1 will perhaps offer us keyboard musicians and REAL night club fans Grand Piano Pear.
I am getting myself all keyed up for that moment in time.
It might even outdo Partridge-in-an-Ass-Pear Tree during the winter holidays.
Well, I wish the cute blonde gal in the main photo a Happy Birthday. I think I should give her a spanking or 24.
It's just a shame that her birthday party was crashed by Pittsburgh Steelers kickerback Jeff Reedlisberger.
I'm not sure even the desktop Ass Pear could save that party.
It's just a shame that her birthday party was crashed by Pittsburgh Steelers kickerback Jeff Reedlisberger.
I'm not sure even the desktop Ass Pear could save that party.
Not ignoring the Main Photo of this post...
Blonde Hottie must have so much Holiday Cheer loaded into her, she is impervious and oblivious to the douchebaggery beside her.
Why, someone is even standing by, with another drink just for her.
Not that it justifies alcoholism. Or horns. Or wearing a broom on one's head.
But maybe a verse of "My Coloring Book" and a visit from the wild- west division of Fuller Brush Company, though... sort of a Kitty Kallen-Gene Autry duet.
Blonde Hottie must have so much Holiday Cheer loaded into her, she is impervious and oblivious to the douchebaggery beside her.
Why, someone is even standing by, with another drink just for her.
Not that it justifies alcoholism. Or horns. Or wearing a broom on one's head.
But maybe a verse of "My Coloring Book" and a visit from the wild- west division of Fuller Brush Company, though... sort of a Kitty Kallen-Gene Autry duet.
I applaud Vaibhav Bedi, the Indian dude, for filing a civil suit against Axe body spray. I think he's got a good case.
In fact I'm naming my next child Vaibhav.
In fact I'm naming my next child Vaibhav.
Well, let's hope he doesn't make a federal case of it.
There's already enough cases of that AXE stuff to drown the world in stench.
There's already enough cases of that AXE stuff to drown the world in stench.
That desk pear (or is it pair?) need to be on my desk. Maybe I'm using the wrong scent?
Can I haz lawsuit against Unilever?
Can I haz lawsuit against Unilever?
@Scrotum Pole,
If you have a daughter, would you still name her Vibe Have... errr, Vaibhav?
Heh heh.
If you have a daughter, would you still name her Vibe Have... errr, Vaibhav?
Heh heh.
# posted by : 1:47 PM
: 1:47 PM
@ Pomegranate Pimplepopper,
The correct pronounciation is Vay- bee-huv.
As far as my next born, if it be female, she will be sold on the black market.
The correct pronounciation is Vay- bee-huv.
As far as my next born, if it be female, she will be sold on the black market.
Woo hoo, my Aussie Douchebag link got posted.
Check out the rest of that guys videos. He has a myspace too, where he keeps newspaper clippings about how he stalked a guy in the music industry and made a bomb threat to a Casino (the same casino he pulls up to in that Hummer).
Check out the rest of that guys videos. He has a myspace too, where he keeps newspaper clippings about how he stalked a guy in the music industry and made a bomb threat to a Casino (the same casino he pulls up to in that Hummer).
# posted by : 2:52 PM
: 2:52 PM
Vaibhav Bedi told me I might be eligible for an Ed Hardy Mastercard with a $15,000 limit.
She said I could earn Hardy Har Hars on every Ed Hardy purchase, points that can be redeemed for more Ed Hardy merchandise. I get one Hardy Har Har for every $25 I spend. So, if I blow my entire remaining 401(k) balance, I would have enough Hardy Har Hars to buy an Ed Hardy Rob Patteson Anal Plug. Which would feel great under the one pair of Ed Hardy jeans that I afford. Is 28.9% interest too high?
I told Vaibhav I would have to run it past Mrs. Scrotato Head.
I'd roll over my existing balances too but a $15,000 limit isn't nearly high enough.
She said I could earn Hardy Har Hars on every Ed Hardy purchase, points that can be redeemed for more Ed Hardy merchandise. I get one Hardy Har Har for every $25 I spend. So, if I blow my entire remaining 401(k) balance, I would have enough Hardy Har Hars to buy an Ed Hardy Rob Patteson Anal Plug. Which would feel great under the one pair of Ed Hardy jeans that I afford. Is 28.9% interest too high?
I told Vaibhav I would have to run it past Mrs. Scrotato Head.
I'd roll over my existing balances too but a $15,000 limit isn't nearly high enough.
That's gotta be a Halloween pic. Please God.. It has to be!
I'm still sober myself. Damn. I'm think of making tonight and tomorrow a cleansing period of sobriety until I turn 21 on Sunday. I mean no underage drinking is not encouraged on my campus. I'm thinking of for my b-day (in addition to all the other awesome things I do) going out and trying to get a pic w a fratdouche who doesn't know that I'm mocking him so I can submit a photo for the first time. What do my fellow hunters and huntresses think? Aw hell I'd rather drink alone and read blog accounts..
Poor LHC.. Will it ever get through an experiment?
I'm still sober myself. Damn. I'm think of making tonight and tomorrow a cleansing period of sobriety until I turn 21 on Sunday. I mean no underage drinking is not encouraged on my campus. I'm thinking of for my b-day (in addition to all the other awesome things I do) going out and trying to get a pic w a fratdouche who doesn't know that I'm mocking him so I can submit a photo for the first time. What do my fellow hunters and huntresses think? Aw hell I'd rather drink alone and read blog accounts..
Poor LHC.. Will it ever get through an experiment?
I hope you naive bastards are aware of the Hadron Particle Collider, and it's ramifications.
According to experts, when the energy beam aligns with a point in time, predetermined by Sumarai Scrote, the world as we know it will cease to exist.
Chew on that for a minute over your meat loaf and mashed potatos.
According to experts, when the energy beam aligns with a point in time, predetermined by Sumarai Scrote, the world as we know it will cease to exist.
Chew on that for a minute over your meat loaf and mashed potatos.
Scrotum Pole mused: "According to experts, when the energy beam aligns with a point in time, predetermined by Sumarai Scrote, the world as we know it will cease to exist."
Yeah, and so will I so I won't give a fuck.
Time to go see what the girls next door are doing.
Yeah, and so will I so I won't give a fuck.
Time to go see what the girls next door are doing.
# posted by : 3:48 PM
: 3:48 PM
My name is Kelly--That's ME in that picture!! That guy with me is an amazing guy... he is not a douche bag at all!! He's an INCREDIBLE bartender-best I've ever seen/drank from! He's also fucking HILARIOUS... friends with EVERYONE.
Just had to clear that up ;)
Just had to clear that up ;)
# posted by : 3:57 PM
: 3:57 PM
I don't know what the price tag on that fuccen collider was, something like $3.5 billion euros. So you'd naturally think that it would be somewhat impervious to a bird dropping a piece of bread. You couldn't make that shit up.
Nice engineering, fellas. You must have had some help from NASA.
Nice engineering, fellas. You must have had some help from NASA.
PS: Thanks for the double ass pear. Just another reason to love Fridays. One dirty martini, coming up.
Or was that dirty Sanchez?
Or was that dirty Sanchez?
As for the post from the Huffington Post, around here we call it the HuffyPoo. And now you know why.
Live from the Casa-La-Douche
Live from the Casa-La-Douche
Holy shit. That Aussie "rapping" is either totally genius, or made by children with Down's syndrome who escaped from the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development.
I'm going to hell.
Better go drink some more.
I'm going to hell.
Better go drink some more.
I want my 45 seconds back for the time I wasted on that video. I coulda been slitting my wrists.
# posted by : 7:52 PM
: 7:52 PM
If a marmot walked up and punched me square in the eye with a pair of anthrax dipped brass knuckles I would feel less offended than I do right now after watching that poosic video. Somebody owes me some mother fucking brain synapses because I just had a stroke.
I don't even know how I'm typing right now, my entire left side is paralyzed... must be the Black Label.
I don't even know how I'm typing right now, my entire left side is paralyzed... must be the Black Label.
**slowly rises up**
I love ass pear, optical illusion is classic, I miss ASvB.
**slowly drifts down**
I love ass pear, optical illusion is classic, I miss ASvB.
**slowly drifts down**
# posted by : 8:48 PM
: 8:48 PM
i wonder if that aussie dude´s grandmother knows that he's wearing the sweater she made for him during his douchey video.
Is that a wedding band on Cindy-hott's finger? And is that an immunodeficiency sore on Mandana BroHawk's hand? Perhaps sweet Cindy-hott comforts and supports little bra-in-law at his end-of-times fundraiser?
A riddle, wrapped inside a wad of poo.
A riddle, wrapped inside a wad of poo.
so how "leading" is Ram Jethmalani when Ananova qualified him as "India's leading compensation litigator"?
... okay that was a rhetorical question.
i'm just saying, Jethmalani may be the biggest douchebag of this whole affair, aside from Unilever's own attorneys. that is, if lawyers in India are also paid $250/h to deliver a speech in a courtroom.
... okay that was a rhetorical question.
i'm just saying, Jethmalani may be the biggest douchebag of this whole affair, aside from Unilever's own attorneys. that is, if lawyers in India are also paid $250/h to deliver a speech in a courtroom.
@ KELLY DAHL! 3:57 PM,
i'm sure he's hilariously embarrassing.
by the by, you have saggy bags under your eyes, Ms. Birthday Girl.
i'm sure he's hilariously embarrassing.
by the by, you have saggy bags under your eyes, Ms. Birthday Girl.
today's Desk Pear hotts look like they've been recently forced into prostitution. but i guess this is the photographer's fault.
to Suzanne standing between the chairs: i assure you i'm pure, innocent, and not thinking about sex right now. and by "not thinking about sex right now" i mean "trying and failing to suppress an erection".
to Suzanne standing between the chairs: i assure you i'm pure, innocent, and not thinking about sex right now. and by "not thinking about sex right now" i mean "trying and failing to suppress an erection".
oh oh oh why didn't i think of this earlier: it just might be KELLY DAHL! (@ 3:57 PM) that crippled the Large Hadron Collider.
I want to sneak into Milli Willy's house and take a dump in his half drank two litre bottle of Sprite, then seal it up, and push it unsuspiciously back into the forray of Red Bulls.
But I wouldn't just leave it at that.
No, I would have to savor.
I would hide nearby under his kitchen table that reeks of dried Bud Light and giggle profusely to myself about the activities soon to follow.
And when he opens that bottle, hungover, expecting to enjoy a refreshing blast of lemon lime soda from his roomate's Sprite, and takes in a blast of my rancid shit, I would pounce. I would jump up and scream with every ounce of my vigor,
"hahahaha mother fucker! You drank my poo! You're such a vile douche and you actually drank my doodie! Doodie mouth! Doodie mouth! Doodie mouth! Hahahaha! You monkey raping retard, you drank my poo! Hahahaha! Pooooooooooo!!!! Hahahaha! - All the while pointing wildly and jumping up and down like an excited child.
And then I would die.
Happy.
Complete.
But I wouldn't just leave it at that.
No, I would have to savor.
I would hide nearby under his kitchen table that reeks of dried Bud Light and giggle profusely to myself about the activities soon to follow.
And when he opens that bottle, hungover, expecting to enjoy a refreshing blast of lemon lime soda from his roomate's Sprite, and takes in a blast of my rancid shit, I would pounce. I would jump up and scream with every ounce of my vigor,
"hahahaha mother fucker! You drank my poo! You're such a vile douche and you actually drank my doodie! Doodie mouth! Doodie mouth! Doodie mouth! Hahahaha! You monkey raping retard, you drank my poo! Hahahaha! Pooooooooooo!!!! Hahahaha! - All the while pointing wildly and jumping up and down like an excited child.
And then I would die.
Happy.
Complete.
After seeing the desk pear I may have to murder my fat, old, useless, whiny, chain-smoking secretary on Monday morning.
@ Kelly Dahl! 3:57
Your opinion is, of course, yours. But with the bleached 'hawk, sleeve tat, chin 'pubes, mandanna, DB handsign and wife beater ensemble displayed here I have seen MORE than enough evidence to establish that he looks like a douche.
I sincerely hope that isn't his rock on your left ring finger. You can do FAR better...
Your opinion is, of course, yours. But with the bleached 'hawk, sleeve tat, chin 'pubes, mandanna, DB handsign and wife beater ensemble displayed here I have seen MORE than enough evidence to establish that he looks like a douche.
I sincerely hope that isn't his rock on your left ring finger. You can do FAR better...
When the best thing anyone can say about you is that you're an "incredible bartender" it might be time to re examine your life choices.
YEAHHHHH WOOO HOOO YOU I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKING ME FEEL SO GOOD ABOUT MYSELF...
YEAH THAT ME ALEX MIJARES!!!! REMEMBER IT!
CAN I GET THE NUMBER FOR THOSE AUSSIE RAPPERS? THOSE GUYS CAN PARTY!!!!
I WANT THIS WHOLE BLOG TO BE ABOUT ME AND NOT ASS PEAR!!!! I DON'T CARE ABOUT ASS PEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YEAH THAT ME ALEX MIJARES!!!! REMEMBER IT!
CAN I GET THE NUMBER FOR THOSE AUSSIE RAPPERS? THOSE GUYS CAN PARTY!!!!
I WANT THIS WHOLE BLOG TO BE ABOUT ME AND NOT ASS PEAR!!!! I DON'T CARE ABOUT ASS PEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK... i know the dubstep dancer chicks last week were a joke... but the RAED rapper guy has got me perplexed.
# posted by : 7:38 PM
: 7:38 PM
THE HORROR!! THE PAIN!!
What the fuc is wrong with those Australians? Shit, just when you thought it couldn't get worse.
Good to be back.
What the fuc is wrong with those Australians? Shit, just when you thought it couldn't get worse.
Good to be back.
If you have an actual "Hot Chick" in your picture in costume as a "Hot Chick"..there is a high chance you are an actual douchebag. But if you have an ugly chick dressed like a "Hot Chick" in your picture and you have no muscles and are fat but are in douche costume.. then THAT is a suitable Halloween photo setup. IMHO
# posted by : 11:03 AM
: 11:03 AM
hehe punk rock doucebag...aw man...google Shawn Smash from Total Chaos...he's the only REAL punk rock douchebag I can think of...well maybe Henry Rollins but that's debatable.
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# posted by : 9:50 AM
: 9:50 AM << Home
