Sunday, November 22, 2009
Guidos in Cabo
Thought it might be time to bring back an oldie but goodie as we head into the Turkey week. One of the rarest of rare captures ever put on hand-held shaky videocam:
That's right. A 'bag mating dance captured in the wild.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 9:08 AM 
Comments:
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It's all there: the gel preened feathers, the jerky, awkward movements, the confused demeanor, the lack of proper judgment and taste, the blurred vision, etc. The mating dance of Douche Bags and Baguettes is one of the most fascinating and nauseating phenomena in the unnatural world.
Oh... and we cannot forget that every dominant bag herd leader must have a douche-in-waiting, more commonly known as the side douche; but, who I like to refer to as Douche Refill.
In a just world this would have been seen through the rifle scope of a reformed and repurposed Lee Harvey Oswald.
It's better viewed whilst playing that "chicken song" from old Bugs Bunny cartoons...
# posted by 
: 10:07 AM
: 10:07 AM
Like I need more scenes like this to breed my contempt for assholes. After a day of partying they will retreat to their mothers' basements to play Grand Theft Auto and congratulate each other on the chicks they "could have banged."
# posted by : 10:24 AM
: 10:24 AM
All this vid needs is a David Attenborough narration and it wouldn't look out of place in the BBC's unNatural History series.
# posted by : 10:26 AM
: 10:26 AM
I find it appropriate when at 1:40 the guy carrying the metaphorical garbage "bag" walks by the dancing garbage "bag".
You know you are in trouble when a third world garbage collector mocks you.
Even for a Jersey Guid, that has to be a low point.
Then again, there is Newark.
Even for a Jersey Guid, that has to be a low point.
Then again, there is Newark.
the girl dancing is clearly making fun of these idiots. Listen to what she yells at them - it even breaks up the camera people. she's toying with the guidos.
A wonderful look at a smart girl making fun of these morons. I love it when she starts doing push ups. BWAHAHAA!!!
sigh. a timeless work.
A wonderful look at a smart girl making fun of these morons. I love it when she starts doing push ups. BWAHAHAA!!!
sigh. a timeless work.
You know I had to watch that again (which hurt) because all I could think after the first run through was "where did the paper cup the garbage collector pick up come from - specifically was it there before the guy did the 'stool squeeze' move at about 0:45?"
Thankfully the young lady dropped it. I have no urge to see two guidos, one cup...
Thankfully the young lady dropped it. I have no urge to see two guidos, one cup...
# posted by : 11:05 AM
: 11:05 AM
Narrator:
Notice how the female repels the advances of the dancing douche as he whirls and sways in an effort to woo her.
The female recognises him to be a sub-standard member of the species, and as such, not worthy as a potential mating partner.
Towards the end of this clip, notice, as the frustrated douche resorts to homosexual behaviour as he re-directs his affections toward another male of his species.
Notice how the female repels the advances of the dancing douche as he whirls and sways in an effort to woo her.
The female recognises him to be a sub-standard member of the species, and as such, not worthy as a potential mating partner.
Towards the end of this clip, notice, as the frustrated douche resorts to homosexual behaviour as he re-directs his affections toward another male of his species.
Isn't the purpose of douching it up to ATTRACT the female? Amazing how this sort of behavior visibly repulses her.
This is, of course, because she is a brunette, and more predisposed to recoil from such human smeg.
This is, of course, because she is a brunette, and more predisposed to recoil from such human smeg.
Place this in their high school time capsule so future generations can marvel at the extinct Dodo Douche.
I don't get what's so funny. You mean you guys don't dance like that in public places wearing only rolled up jeans?
# posted by : 12:57 PM
: 12:57 PM
Around 1.19 the girl says "You boys are goin' DOWN!" and gave them the thumbs down. Dancing guido lunkhead got mad and yells at her. She then replies with something like "You guys were goin' in the porno last night - and you're dicks so small... (covered by laughter of the cameraman) and at the end the female camera voice yells "You're fly is undone!"
freakin' brilliant.
freakin' brilliant.
Those are the "Dior Guys"....I'm not shitting you, these guys were seen by Red Tony when he was a scrawny chump, and after seeing them in Cabo Red Tony became Red Tony....because of these guys!
# posted by : 3:43 PM
: 3:43 PM
And here we see in the southern tip in the Baja California Peninsula, a strange male of the Guido species attempts to perform a mating dance to attract the members of the opposite sex. While gyrating in a random fashion, he gets the attention of roving female. But alas, on closer inspection, she is unimpressed and rejects the Guido's stochastic gestures, leaving him to continue his abortive attempt at mate attraction.
# posted by : 4:05 PM
: 4:05 PM
In 1982 Matt Stafford sodomized his grandmother's hookah while she slept off the scotch under her coffee table.
Matt Stafford was born with a larynx in his urethra and it mutters when he pees, squawks when he ejaculates and coughs when he masturbates.
Medical Fact.
Medical Fact.
Amazing, when his "dancing" fails to entice the lady, he doesn't change his behavior one iota. Not unlike the peacock in that regard. He has one string, and he's going to play the FUCK out of it, because that's all he can do.
Wait, that really applies to douchebags' behavior in general, don't it? Not just when "dancing".
Wait, that really applies to douchebags' behavior in general, don't it? Not just when "dancing".
i think the saddest truth we learn from this video is that bleeths are sometimes more competent than rabbis at calling a spade a spade. and bleeths aren't good at that at all to start with.
From the end, "Your fly is undone!"
I burst out laughing in the middle of a conference.
I burst out laughing in the middle of a conference.
# posted by : 8:02 AM
: 8:02 AM
Retch-a-sketch. For he is the locus of horror that all other douchebags emulate. I am certain that if we destroy him and deprogram the hott, a whole curse will be lifted from our world.
The only way that clip could have been funnier would have been if the Federales had come into the shot and beaten them both to death like baby seals.
I can dream, damnit!
I can dream, damnit!
you know, besides the fact that he's preening, has no rhythm, and is generally generic aesthetically...he seems like a pretty cool dude to be taking that bleeth in stride. she's harassing him to the point where, if i were the recipient of such criticisms i would probably snap on the ho. but he seems to be handling the circumstance with a level of maturity that isnt normally displayed by the douche, and is surprisingly cordial about the whole thing. i'm gonna go with notadouche.
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# posted by : 6:25 PM
: 6:25 PM << Home
