That just looks 'shopped. Are they standing in the middle of the pool or what?
 

Is it politically correct to give a 'tard a douche tag?
 

He's pure douche, but he's a lucky-ass douche, and he knows it.

I agree with Andrew that it looks Photoshopped, especially in Bunny Gina's thighs. However, I'd still smear myself with fresh meat and walk through a cage full of manic snow leopards just to get a sniff of the mothballs in her great aunt's closet.
 

He's a solid stage-1, but yeah, we all know there are worse choads out there.

If he lost the hat, put on a plain t-shirt, and put the "signal" hand on her boobies, he'd get a notta.
 

Her clothing is appropriate, given the photo's context. And she fills it out quite nicely. I hope most of us can agree that she is, indeed, a hot chick. Although I am not sure anymore, after Poopiegate.

That said, he is a douchebag. Hat tilt, gang signs (that one is from a gang I once saw at the Southgate Mall, rolling Ed Hardy-style). And topping it off with tongue-lolling, insipid pseudo-retard facial expression that says "Snap the fuccen shot before she realizes what's happening." Or maybe is just says "...".
Because that prior sentence might just be five words too long for him.
 

10-to-1 odds says if we ever see a follow-up snap of Carl he will have gone full douche. Tatts, bling, chin pubes, the whole shithouse.

Why? Because, like Bagpoleon before him, he suffers from short-douche scrote-drome. And like all douches, but especially short douches, he's concluded that the look he's sporting [which she most likely picked out for him] has, at the very least, earned him points with the thin version of Jessica Simpson, and at best, gets him a shot at her Chicken of the Sea.

No, Jessica, by Chicken of the Sea I don't mean Chicken, and I don't mean Tuna. I mean her sweet, shaven, puffy pink pouch of num num malm gnonm gnom gnmon slorp slurp sluuuuuuurp.

And I would most definitely mix some Miracle Whip and pickle in with that, 'cuz that's how I do it.

@IdahoHottPotato^

On a less overtly sexual note, hey IHP. Nice to hear from you again.
 

He put all that shit on for a reason so he's a douche.
 

Admittedly, I would also look like the outcome of a botched lobotomy, momentarily losing all hand, arm, and tongue coordination, while embracing this hott. But, I would not be wearing a garish skull t-shirt and a hat signed by Travis Pastrana during the 2001 X Games. Douche.
 

@ Mr. Scrotato Head

Why thank you, lovely to see you again as well. I don't get to stop by here as often as I'd like these days, but the need to mock and lust must occasionally be satisfied.

Satisfied like the way you feel after a nice tuna muff. Uh, I mean, melt.
 

Carl sports hat tilt and faux gangster hand signs
While groping a hott with voluptuous milk steins
Could he be a douche-scrote
With a tiny tug-boat?
Hell yes! Throw him into a bed of land mines.
 

Hi IdahoHottPott!




**sheepishly waddles back into oblivion**
 

This man is douche just as surely as his chick is hott. And I can prove it. May it please the court: this picture shall henceforth be referred to as exhibit A.
 

He's not happy to be in the presence of Bunny Gina. He's happy to be in the presence of himself.

Bag that turd, I say.
 

Definite douche. But it's nothing about 55 gallons of chlorinated little kid pee water can't fix. If administered orally, the problem will be fixed. If administered anally... Hold on, how would I be able to tell which end I'm workin' with? Oh that's right, his asshole will be the one that smells like porch beef.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

Hi Crucial! ♥

Carl is douche, clearly more than stage one
With this hott I know I would have fun
I'd chlorinate her pool
on her boobies I'd drool
Leaving Carl waving his floppy-ass tongue
 

I've got a question. Is there something between nottadouche and full-on douche status for goofs like who have adopted the outward signs of choadery but have not yet had Axe fumes entirely wipe out their minds to create Flat Affect, conspicuous Ed Hardy consumption, and 'roid rage? I mean, this guy is on douche trajectory, for sure. However, his heart just doesn't seem in it. It doesn't seem as if he's wearing a costume, but the signifiers haven't sunk down to the level of soul yet.

Just wondering.
 

Carl's shirt is an Ed Hardy lame-ass reject
But the hottness he holds is easy to detect
If the tongue of IdahoHott
Went into her honey pot
The yogurt, from my penis, would eject.

**Peace and love, peace and love girlfriend.**
 

@Publius,

DB1's book would be a great place to start.
 

By the way, I forgot to insult his outfit earlier. What kind of dickweed wears jeans to a pool party?

Nice work, Gomer.
 

I think the court ruling of Wade v Piffer of Walks like a Duck, Talks like a Duck covers this one DB1.

And I'd like to send a shout out to my legal team.
 

If he's actually that short, I'd have to give him a pity pass. Almost.
 

This photo looks staged to me. I don't know why, it just does. Those are actors. Or robots. Or sumthin'.
 

Douche.
Because before Gina came along, he made a conscious decision to put on that shirt and hat.
 

Notta

He suffers from what proctologists and playboys call Cranial-Rectal Inversion Syndrome, or CRIS for short. His hott was bought with a ticket of sorts.
Exhibit B to be entered, though it won't please the courts.
His credit card receipt for the event
Cannot be uploaded to the Internet.

Getting this guy's head out of his ass will be easier than most of the scrotastic pukeness we get on this site.

OG
 

These two are not a couple. They're too goddamn happy. People are only that happy around each other when they get to leave each other's asses behind after a few hours. Nobody is that happy to be around someone who's morning breath and toilet habits have become predictable.
 

Notadouche, he is too happy with his situation. This is how I would feel next to this hott. Minus the wardrobe, he just seems to be a thankful lucky bastard.
 

Trying to figure out if these doofuses are douche is like trying to discern whether a female has a baby bump.

Only in the later stages does it begin to show.

But, like asking the proverbial non-question, "Is she a little pregnant?" the answer is YES in that early = little and pregnant = pregnant.

Either you're douche or you're not, but at least it explains the rationale behind "a little pregnant."
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

Well Christian, I'm glad to know she's not banging tongue-boy. If she needs her butt peed in, give me a call.
 

Douche.

No normal dude reflexively goes into douche-mode in the company of a hot chick.

A normal dude will punch Carl in the face, watch him flounder in the pool, and will escort Bunny Gina to the bar.

Get some therapy, Carl. It may not be too late for you, but things aren't looking good right now.
 

Douche.

No normal dude reflexively goes into douche-mode in the company of a hot chick.

A normal dude will punch Carl in the face, watch him flounder in the pool, and will escort Bunny Gina to the bar.

Get some therapy, Carl. It may not be too late for you, but things aren't looking good right now.
 

Nice double post, Scrotus. As a professional playboy, I can firmly attest that his lack of style was brought upon him, most likely, by the Pickup Artist Community. Not a douche. Just suffering from CRIS.

OG
 

And by 'Carl', he means Jay Louis. :P
 

What's with the photo studio backdrop? Was this picure taken at a Sears or something? I wouldn't be shocked to find out that bikini babe is a cardboard cut out stolen from a liquor store display for Captain Morgan.

Despite the fakeness of this photo, I'll go with the douche vote. Face scruff, hat tilt, hand sign, and waggling tongue a douchebag make.
 

@Christian Schauf,

Your band is a disgrace to rock music.

That is all.
 

@Christian -

Well done! She's hott.
 

@Christian,

Good on ya. Your girlfriend really isn't like Jessica Simpson though, is she? And by Jessica I mean retarded.

And weak in the sack.

Mostly weak in the sack.
 

This girl got nuthin on Poopa's hott.
 

I would eat her pussy.

AND J BONE IS A FAGGOT
 

Rre: Picture:

It looks shopped because they used a fill light, so the shadows look weird. It was probably a Chimera or some other bagged light (judging by the reflection on her bewb), which also tends to smooth everything out.

@Xian -

you have a very pretty girlfriend. The guy might be nice, but he's still a major douchebag.
 

i think there's a 10 year old graphics student out there who just won a hcwd project. (could pfah's fetus already be at it?)
 

ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh. is christian fur real? god bless but ya'll need to stay the f@#k away from mf's like that. one of you needs to learn. quickly.
 

I'd give it a stage 0.5 bag.

For me, the biggest signifier of douchebaggery is the douche-face. Whether it's a scowl, or the jerz-kissy face, it's ALWAYS there. The pretense of not being happy while having a hot on your arm.

This guy is clearly very happy, as well he should be. Nothing about this guy says "douche" except for his clothes. Yes, they're douchey as hell, but perhaps he just exists in a confused social circle.
 

Clearly a douche. I could forgive the gang sign but he's got the hat tilted off to one side. A lucky and happy douche, but still a douche.
 

I guess I'm a little late to the party to say that this looks like a professional job. I was gonna say it was an ad for something. Like Valtrex. Or Pepper Spray

Sorry Christian. She's tainted goods now. But don't worry, I'll decontaminate and deprogram her, and I'm sure you'll find the reconditioning videos to be very pleasing indeed. I see my lovely assistant Idaho Hott has popped in. The three-way margarine massage is the highlight of the video, to be sure.
 

Carl is most likely a giddy dumbass, and not a douche. Hell I'd be giddy with her on my arm....BUT...the farker needs to ditch the hat tilt, and get a real T-shirt, or he is on the road to douche perdition for sure.
 

On second thought...I'm with Medusa...is that a blow-up doll???
 

@ Christian Schauf

You sir are a douchebag.

No, you are not pictured in the photograph that is currently being mocked. However, anyone who lists their interests as, and I quote, "danger, speed, audio, visual, day trading, and winning, is a complete and utter douchebag. I mean, winning? Really? You went there? As if the rest of the world enjoys losing? No, you had to showcase your competitiveness as though that made you special.

And danger?

And speed?

You are such a raging tool. I hypothesize that if you were given the choice between fucking your girlfriend and masterbating to the image you see in the mirror, you would, without a moment of hesitation, dash for the bottle of lube.

"Seriously, this is my girlfriend..."

Oooooooo, we're so impressed Christian. You are such a faggot. I bet you think Heiniken is good beer. Your friends may be impressed with the hott chick that you parade around like your fucking trophy, as if her physical attributes validates your sense of self, but me, I see right through it pal. You are a vapid piece of shit who waltzes about trying to portray a heightened sense of confidence, when in reality, you are as insecure as a fourteen year old girl.

You are not shit. And how's your "music career" going? Are you "blowing up?"

No.

No you aren't.

Because you're a faggot, as I pointed out earlier.

Looking forward to your thirties? Hope daddy has a big bank account, because yor ass is going to be an assistant manager at American Eagle for the next seventeen years. Until of course they find another 29 year old retard who doesn't have the mental capacity to perform a task more complicated than punching the buttons on a cash register.




Ps. Fuck you.
 

Thank you for bringing back the Hotts.
 

@Sgt Scrote

Ease up on the guy. Too much negative energy directed at the wrong asshat.

OG
 

@Sgt Scrote

Ease up on the guy. Too much negative energy directed at the wrong asshat.

OG
 

@ sergeant scrote stain

beautiful. link please.
 

@OG,

Have you clicked the link to his band's web page?

This is a publicity stunt.

Wake up.
 

For Carl Branson, life in the winners circle of the 2009 World Championship Booger Flicking competiton was pretty damned sweet.

And then he woke up.
 

Not a douche.
 

fucking love this site!
 

I say not a douche, he's just making a silly face for the photo. He's not orange, the hair is not glistening with gel, there is no bling, and part of the silly face is a smile.
 

While eating potato chips, drisseled in 'monkey gland' dressing, reading Byron and sipping on a cold beverage mixed by my hispanic housekeeper Cuntswaylo, I too pondered if Carl was worthy of douche...mmm yes he is. All traits of being a douchebag are there..regardless of its subtleness. As for Barbie hot..I would nibble on her love bits.
 

well, it seems that "Christian Schauf" deleted his post. such a sensitive guy, that Christian.

wait 'til you're actually featured on HCwDB, Christian. which, by the way, i suspect you're more than qualified for. don't want to say this but... i'm going to have to agree with Sergeant Scrote Stain. one look at your Blogger profile and it screams "DOUCHEBAG".
 

WHY, MTV WHY?????
This preview for "Jersey Shore" (a new mtv reality show)makes my unborn children weep.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVWRXZWGzzI&feature=player_embedded
 

OT -> Hey, let's all donate to the Crustacean one of these:

http://www.designbyhumans.com/product_images/0001/8745/crustacean_m_f_zoom.png
 

Douche. No doubt.
 

I'm sorry db1, were you saying something? My eyes were locked in a holding pattern between her rubbery black bikini top and her suckable navel. Mmmm navel shots...
 

Carl is one incredibly lucky motherfucker!!

I cannot "hate on" him either.

Thank the Good Lord for Gina, and for spandex bikinis.

That being said, those clothes didn't attack him and force him to wear them. The hat didn't automatically tilt 7.62° to port with a 3° down bubble. No one forced him to make the Avril Lavigne "I'm a rocker" hand gesture.

Douche.
 

This is definitely some type of promotional photo. The professional lighting, the fact that Hott's skin has been photoshopped.

And most importantly, the ONLY reason a douchebag like Carl could get anywhere near Bunny Gina!
 

He's a stage-1 douche for sure, just happens that in THIS pic, he's a little less douchetastic.
 

Of course if he were with a fat, ugly chick, he would not be a douche. You guys are lame.
 

@Anon 7:06

You give fat, ugly chicks far too much credit and power. Actually, if he were with a fat, ugly chick, he'd still be a douchebag. Douche status is based not on the quality of your female companionship, but on who you are. If you actually read the posts above, and the posts for previous photos, you'd see that there is often debate about whether or not a guy is a douche.

But more to your point, if he were with a fat, ugly chick, he'd wouldn't just be a douchebag. He'd be a twisted douche with a thing for BBW.

And that's a horse lover of a different color now, isn't it?
 

Isnt that the guy from the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode "Sweet Dee dates a retarded person"?

Ok maybe not but they probably went to the same school
 

He's a douche, but one who'd be fun to hang out with.
 

Whoa, Sargent Scrote... was that attack on Christian really necessary? His comment seemed benign to me. And though by commenting he opened himself up to scrutiny and scorn, I'm surprised you "went there," by calling him a faggot repeatedly. I feel extremely uncomfortable seeing straight men bandying that word around--as if being homosexual is the ultimate insult. Not cool, IMHO.
 

I'd say mostly notta. He may have been overcome by joy, and got the t-shirt as freebie.

Now, if he scores with Bunny Gina after that, and deduces dressing like a douche == scoring some smoking hott then he'll advance to stage-2 infection.
 

Douche. If its a photoshop deal, then who knows what douchey horrors he was originally a part of. If its PTP, then this stage-1 choadery is what he thought appropriate.

Yes, he looks happy, like he's having fun, but so does lots of the slimy piles of turd we mock here.

Gina - this is why you need to read the fine print on the photo release form. Remember next time.
 

Jessica...to straight men fags are pretty repulsive so the comment has merits. It has nothing to do with someones sexuality but everything to do with the way that they present themselves and behave

In the same context as us regular guys are repulsed by and mock bags.
 

Anon, I kind of know what you mean, but I'm still disturbed. Why are straight men so "repulsed" by "fags"? Who cares? I'm a straight woman but I'm not repulsed by lesbians. In fact, I like the refreshing perspective on being a woman that lesbians provide this world, and wish that straight men would feel the same way about gay men. Honestly, I think if men stopped freaking the fuck out about who's gay and who isn't, there would be less wars and domestic violence and shit.

That's why I like the term douchebag, because it encapsulates exactly what sucks about these guys, without bringing in the irrelevant issue of sexual orientation.
 

^ Jessica

I understand your dislike for the term, it is as abrasive as it is ugly. I wasn't implying that Christian was homosexual, no, that would be an insult to gay people world wide. The use of the word faggot by myself describes his clueless egotistical preening and display.

I have gay friends and family members and have complete indifference to their sexual orientation, because it really doesn't matter. However, I by no means want to scare anybody off, especially the female baghunters who are few and far between, so I will refrain from using it.
 

I would like to thank Jessica and Seargent Scrote Stain and Anon for holding an entertaining, non-violent debate that ended amicably and intelligently.

Bravo!

Now, we return to our regularly scheduled booger and fart jokes.
 

**Uuuurrppp... bluurrggurgugugrel**
 

Aw Sarge, thanks for the considered response and vow to refrain from fag talk! I'm touched, seriously.
 

Why is Bunny Gina smiling? Unless she got $1,000,000,000,000,000,000 for this shot, she should be cramming his headless, handles, footless corpse into the nearest dumpster and then setting it on fire.
 

Sarge....it is over when I say its over ;0....

One last comment, you cannot compare 2 super hot chicks going at it to 2 guys. Pretty much no one wants to watch 2 men together (except other gay men) and everybody likes to watch hot women together...
 

Carl doesn't seem to have grown into his doucheness...perhaps he is a Douche in Development, or a "DID."

The hott is an all-time HOTT...but then again i am partial to blondes with killer bodies.
 

@Anon

If it was truly a publicity stunt, do you think he'd be stunting here at HCwDB? I've seen his Linkedin page. Yes. Guy's a moron. Probably a bigger douchebag than the Nottadouche in the photo. Still, save your venom for spewing it at the idiot in the pic. Wait until Chris gets his pic on here and THEN let him have it! =)

OG
 

At least the douche looks appreciative to be with the hot in question, a rare attribute. He's still on the thin end of the douche wedge though.
 

This conversation has been entertaining- for sure. I check this site all the time and never imagined seeing my photo on it! As for "Carl" (as you have coined him) he's a photographer and I was at a photo shoot. No photoshopping and I am still waiting for my $1,00,000,000,000,000 check.