The thing in the background has more rolls than the baker.
 

Was this picture taken at the Redneck Olympics? I'll bet ol' Gappy there got the gold in the Streem Master Chugging event.
 

This should be titled "No Hotts and a midget".
 

Those are some sweet Halloween Costumes. Well done, boys. The tatts look so real, and the holes in your ears...wait a minute.

Never mind.
 

The chick in the background can't bear to listen to their racket.

She gestures for us all.
 

My flesh would melt into a green goo if I were tattooed on that jackass.
 

Betty left right after the camera clicked so these two could get down to sweet 69-in bagbiz. She's back upside down on the bar.
 

That is the filthiest water I have ever witnessed people voluntarily sitting in. I keep expecting a turd to float to th-

Oh wait, already happened.

Twice.
 

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My favorite skin comic is the one where Patricia the Puckered Starfish bobs up and down in front of my face over, and over, and over.

Oh those crazy cartoons from the '70s.
 

The reunion for the Cowpatty Family of Paradise, Oklahoma gets off to a great start as brothers/cousins/ex-husbands and their sister/cousin/ex-wife reminisce about the good ole days when there was skin left to ponder over what to tattoo next.




And by reunion I mean making more babies with the sister/cousin/ex-wife
 

"Mr. Letterman? Hi, Lauren Hutton, I understand you have the gap in my teeth?"

"No Lauren, I did, but Flea blackmailed me out of it, try calling him."

"Ok, thanks...."

"Flea? Lauren Hutton here, I hear you have my tooth gap and I want it back."

"Sorry babe, I traded it to my cousin for a left-arm Hendrix tattoo. You can find him on the left in this picture. He's looks like me with a blank left bicep."

"Thanks,have a good weekend!"
 

Egads, that chap on the left is one ugly mo'fo.
 

Actually, this picture was taken in ancient Rome. The gal in the rear appears to be sitting on one of the many public latrines that were quite popular in ye olden days. She’s merely trying to cover her face in shame, as her expulsed fecal matter sails down the open-air aqueduct. It appears she ate the ancient candy, known fondly amongst the citizens of Rome as Skǽttles.

That’s why I love this site so much.

The history.

You learn something new here every day.
 

JIHAAAAAAAD!!!



What? Too soon?
 

Orlando police are looking for these guys right now.

What....too soon?
 

The billboard in the background reads Welcome to Paradise.

If paradise is a fetid pool of bacteria and urine, I'll stay right here in my own personal Hell, thank you.
 

This picture reminds me of a three week old bouquet of roses. The flowers are wilted and the water is putrid with mold making the stems slimy.

There's no humor to be found here. The women here were probably hot 5 years ago, and these two clowns make that woman look even worse.
 

Boatbutter - run! Crucial wants to make you wear big sunglasses. And for your sanity's sake don't read the comments attached to the post below this one.
 

Chick with pearl necklace, seated in back, has already contracted a severe ear infection from swimming in an open septic tank.





Ironic thing is, this was a pool filled with distilled water before Cletus and Billy Jo jumped in.
 

Dude on right should have that mouth herp looked at quickly, before it spreads.
 

I don't know much about tattoos, or guys that wear them. Is the idea of stopping short of your hands so a long-sleeved shirt will cover them up, and you can then get a real job?

That's a great idea. Right up until you decide to poke massive holes in your ears. I don't know much about office attire where you guys live, but I'm pretty sure you can't wear a snow-hat with your Brooks Brothers suit.

Oh, well. In the words of the immortal Judge Smails, "The world needs ditchdiggers, too, you know."
 

Gosh darn, why is it always Bud Lite?
 

So far the medal count is 1 gold, 0 silvers, and 0 bronze for the Scrotorians. Things do look good for them in the Synchronized-Bellyflop-into-the-animal-trough-water competition. The boys give a last "fingers up" (don't ask what happened in the Bull Milking competition) before their flops. Wish them luck!
 

I need Friday ass pear!
 

Guy on left looks like Wee Mon's big brother.
 

Dollars to doughnuts this is the tattooed clown from MTV's Is She Really Going Out w/ Him. The rapperbag! Anyone?
 

Me: "Excuse me, MiniDouche -- why would you drop serious cash on craptats and piercings, but completely forego getting your Michael-Strahan-sized gaptooth fixed?"

MD: "yo hater, ill kik ur azz."

Me: "No, really, for my own person edification, I want to understand the logic."

MD: "F&^k u man ur juts jellus i pull all kinds of trim hear in paradice"

Me: "well, see ya later. By the way, loved your buddy in Bad News Bears."
 

Like the way gay porn ruined the word "snowball" forever, I will never be able to use the word "twat" in the same context again due to these , er, twats.
 

There are certain words I don't hear very often in my everyday worklife.

Looking at this picture makes me think of one:

"simpleton"
 

Sad, dejected skull tatt dreams of the road not taken. If only he'd said yes to the drug dealing biker with hepatitis; oh how things would have been different.
 

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I thought perhaps the blonde borrowed Carly's bikini, but I guess not - note the red vs. pink trim.

On the bikinis.



@DB1 -

What was your inspiration for titling this "Skin Comics"? Was it really the overdone tattooing or the fact that "Hang Loose" Dingleberry has Captain America's shield in his ear?
 

I always think about Rod Steiger and "The Illustrated Man" whenever I see modern douchebaggery such as this. Or San Francisco extreme in the Castro.

At least Steiger was an actor playing a role.

These turdwanks are all too real. Lacking any wide-spread forms of acceptedmale ritual initiation today, dorks go for the gook when doing the tatts. Of course, tatt artists like the money.

What I don't understand is why Macy's hires tatted and over-pierced gals to work their stores, and Target hires giant hole-in-the-ears guys to stock their shelves. I am urping and fleeing at the sights.

And I am an artist, understand this.

Tatted persons are show-offs of the worst level of personal narcissism around, and have a limited vision of the future. A vision that says to the mind's eye, "This won't be fashionable down the road, and isn't tasteful now, so why get a body-tatt and spend all that money?"

Body tatts scream" ME-ME-ME, I am the only one important here... I need tatts to make everyone see how important I think I am."

Because as Emerson said, "The eye is the first circle." He'd probably dash his eyes out if he saw the douchebaggery circling around with such tatts today.

Besides, who want to tatt their bodies when it is a well-known fact the NAZIs tatted their prisoners, Jew and anyone else alike, in the camps??? When slaves were tatted and branded for ownership?

Heh, heh, heh, wait till the medical staff is trying to find a place to do an intravenous. Cover your flesh with stains, you may face unacknowledged discrimination in a life-saving scenario.

Not from me, mind you. But reality checks are useful.
 

Billy Barty III on the left is not taking good care of his late grandpa's trust...



However, his dad, Billy Barty Jr, would approve
 

Why not just wear a little beanie with a propeller on it, or one of those flashing lights. And a g-string. That also screams ME-ME-ME, but you can take it off when the party's over.
 

Wee-man is getting old.

~Justin
 

Funny..

I get this odd grumbling in the lower right quadrant of my gallbladder.

Then my amygdala starts picking a fight with my limbic system.

And I just get this Spruce Gooseian urge to change at least partially from Darth Sidiouche into Buffalo Bill.


I guess if I wanted to peel these people like grapes and display them as wall art, I'd probably have to move back in with the Khmer Rouge.
hrm,... doable.


...Now what was the first part of the tanning process for hide preservation again??

See you in Soho, Cleetus.


!OYÉ¡, -almost forgot! You regs & hunters are all invited to my show down on Mercer Street, around January 23rd, '10.
It's either at Exhibit A or 55Mercer. My entertainment industry girlfriends will all be there and the hides of Cleetus & Jimbo will be on display there with others. I call it, "Hot chicks looking at deadbags". The audience will serve as part of the installation.


First prize in the talent contest gets Cleetus' star earlobes to wear as cufflinks, fashioned by the one and only Diana of organicmetallurgy.com .


All proceeds will go to finance my boobie jizz-welding assembly line plant in Altoona, and also to fund the Save a Bleeth FoundationTM.


AND, It looks like promising timing, but I'm not sure yet...

*I may also be launching my new clothing line made from the sanitized body parts, skins, hair, nails, basal ganglia, and remnant jewelry of douchebags. The line of art-imitating-life-imitating-fake-art-imitating-real-art-that-imitated-life-once clothing will either be called "Infucktion" or "Dead?Hardly!"
(with a possible womens' line to follow tentatively entitled, "That's So Shaven!")


Anyhoo, You Too will be able to wear a sweet multi-colored leather jacket fasioned from the flensed & tattoed hides of some of the world's most infected douchebags.



¡One day for my masterpiece, I hope to make a classic Marlon Brando -style biker jacket out of the epidermis of one Christian Audigier himself. It should be on auction at Christie's somewhere around 2050. Mark your calendars! Squeeeeeee!!!


Now, if I could just dress up as a mime and sell it to Nicholas Sarkozy or his wife Carla, that would just rock balls!


(...yeah, it's hoping; but a man can dream!)
 

@Whoop-di-douche
Wow. Tattoos are bad because Nazi's tattooed their prisoners? That has to be my favourite ever anti-ink comment. Trite, stupid and utterly ridiculous in one go. Medical staff might not save your life because you have them is a damn close second though.
 

Someone please kill those ugly fucks!
 

Scroteophobic, you obviously live in a metro-cosmopolitan area-era of inked enlightenment.

Much of America lives in a more conservative area-era of more tasteful restraint.

The irony here is that DB1 is pushing this site as a means of regaining that same restraint of which I speak, because there is a sick, tasteless, visual ruination of human flesh called douchebaggery with all its attendants tatts, spiked hair, bling, roided bods, and skanky Bleeths of the same ilk.

The further irony is YOU DON'T GET IT.

But I enjoy a tasteful tatt now and then, hidden by normal clothing of course. Thing is, THEY DON'T JUST GO AWAY. If your taste changes throughout a well-lived life, and it will if you live the examined life, you will be forever in juvie-land with tatts.

And maybe you've never overheard the comments of medical workers in an E.R. or an O.R. Or perhaps never dealt with the dental/mouth infections of pierced tongue and cheek. Oral surgeons and dentists have lots to say on that one.

Oh, and go tatt an egg.
 

Douches or Assclowns, that is the question.

In the spirit of bi-partisanship, and by that I mean gutless accommodation to forces beyond my control, I rule that these two fag-hags are Doucheclowns.
 

the douchiest tatt i've ever heard of (and i'm talking about a tatt that i do not want to fucking see for any reason) is a dragon tatted according to... the contours of one's penis.

but are my aesthetic judgments any more "correct" than others? who am i to say?

all i know is, the dragon penis tatt is disgusting. so are the tatts in this pic.
 

@Whoop-di-douche
Does another the UK count as metro-cosmo-enlightened?

You see my take on douchebaggery is that it is not about any one visual element, bag hunting is not about forcing people to conform to a rosy-eyed 50s visual aesthetic in the vague hope that the imagined moral uprightness of the time will mystically come back if they do. Douchbags are about attitude. A way of looking at the world and a certain politics of personal status. In short it is about behavioural characteristics that most frequently manifest themselves visually. By assuming that 'baggery is the visual display and only attempting to change what they look like you are confusing the reality, the mindset, with the presented visual. You are, in short, living in a world already run by their rules where the appearance is all, where style trumps substance, where you can get away with being all kinds of idiot so long as you display a few basic stereotyped behaviours and look the part. We mock the more extreme examples of it in visual terms because it is often hard to capture attitude on a website - but in the real world I'd give a notta to anyone who is intelligent, humane, modest and civil no matter how any mandannas they wore. I'll mock the photos on here but that mocking is always given an unspoken caveat that what I am mocking is not their personal appearance but why they have opted for it which is in turn based on a series of currently unprovable assumptions, and therefore my views are not fixed and can change if better evidence is given.

Bagpolean was a great example. The mocking assumed Josephine was the innocent victim of a Corsican bagging. The evidence then suggested that in actual fact both of them were as shallow and pleasant as an evaporating puddle of goat piss. So now the 'save Josephine' strand of the mocking has been revised.

FWIW I agree that some people with tattoos are jackasses who get them so they can display them. Just as some people with SUVs are posing assholes. But these are not reversible equalities - all posers don't own SUVs, all SUV owners are not posers.

Last point - I know plenty of people who have and in fact do tattoos and piercings - I am very aware of the complications from some of them. I am not an idiot who assumes that there are no side effects. And given that there are plans under development for reversible tattooing (inks that can be decolourised safely) I personally believe that in a decade the "it is there forever" argument will fall. But at the same time I am glad they are permanent in a way. They represent a snapshot of your state of mind at the time and can form a chronicle of your own evolution. Seeing how their style have changed over the years is a form of personal reflection for me.

Apologies for the epic...
 

where's the hot chick? i only see douche bags..........
 

Hey Darth:

How bout a show on MTV?
 

Not an attractive picture.
 

This picture smells like sweat and poo. Didn't know that was possible, thanks DB1.
 

YEAHHHHH WOOO HOOO YOU I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKING ME FEEL SO GOOD ABOUT MYSELF...

YEAH THAT ME ALEX MIJARES!!!! REMEMBER IT!

CAN I GET THE TATT ARTEEST FOR THOSE TWO?

I WANT THIS WHOLE BLOG TO BE ABOUT MY FOREARM NAPOLEON TATT!!!!!
 

@Anthony LaBaglia: heh heh heh.
 

Was that retard on the right was on an episode of Is she Really Going Out With Him?
 

Damn, that guy on the left's smile reminds me I left the garage door open back at home this morning.


Thus spake Zarathrustrod