Sunday, November 01, 2009
Where's Sir Sucks-a-Lot?: Dallas Edition
Somewhere in this depressing pileup of dancing generics having pseudo-fun I've carefully hidden HCwDB legend, Sir Sucks-a-Lot.
Look closely.
Can you flush him?
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 8:24 AM 
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Not only Sir Sucks but a whole lot of contenders. Hell, do some screen grabs and you could have Douchies award potentials lined up until 2039 from that video.
Oh, and boobies, lots and lots of boobies.
Oh, and boobies, lots and lots of boobies.
Umm...can anybody discern the website she plugs at the beginning? I, err..., would like to check it out. Vera Scotts?
"You gotta love Dallas, fuck everywhere else"? There's just so much wrong in that sound bite.
I once got stranded in Dallas when a couple of tornados shut down DFW. If I ever have the misfortune of that again, I'll be hittin' up this club with a couple of gallons of 87 octane and a flare gun.
That might be the only thing that will convince my weenie to crawl back out of my abdomen after witnessing this abomination. Being in a warehouse filled with silicon implants (and no humans) would be more erotic than being there.
I once got stranded in Dallas when a couple of tornados shut down DFW. If I ever have the misfortune of that again, I'll be hittin' up this club with a couple of gallons of 87 octane and a flare gun.
That might be the only thing that will convince my weenie to crawl back out of my abdomen after witnessing this abomination. Being in a warehouse filled with silicon implants (and no humans) would be more erotic than being there.
If silicone were brains, that nightclub would cure cancer and colonize Mars within two years.
If brains were silicone, the biggest tits in that video would have been on the guys.
If brains were silicone, the biggest tits in that video would have been on the guys.
# posted by 
: 9:11 AM
: 9:11 AM
Sexual repression in America and our modern society has brought us to this point. No longer do we have Romanesque type free love orgies. People have been stifled oppressed and made to believe in the taboo that if a boob pops out in public it is the most horrible thing that could ever happen. Oh the humanity!
We as a society need to lighten up. Take a few lessons from Caligula. Make this nation no longer a country where people resort to dry humping each other in night clubs, and feel the need to compete for the attentions of others through various means of peacocking both male and female.
It has become apparent that due to the repression and oppression of the sexually mature above 18 American who has been brainwashed through Hollywood and various other social venues that:
...Unless they are married, have children, and live in a little white house with a picket fence.
That then, and only then will their life be perfect and complete.
I vehemently advocate the legalization of at least one thing that would help bring this country out of the outdated dark ages philosophy of controlled mating rituals that has been force fed down our throats for too many long years now leading one to speculate that this form of repressed taboo sexuality has led to the creation and spread of a social plague unlike any that has ever been seen before.
And that is...to legalize and regulate prostitution all across the entire United States. It is almost the year 2010, and our 1950s Leave it to Beaver moral standards have caused many to resort to drugs and alcohol in extreme excess for escape due to the lack of other outlets.
Perhaps if there were brothels everywhere for men and women, where everyone would have the chance to relieve themselves...then we would see a drastic decline in the douchey and bleethy activities of our fellow Americans. People would be much happier, and the country would generate tons of never before seen income. But mostly, people wouldn't have to resort to going to these types of clubs, act douchey, wear obnoxiously loud outfits, in order to attract a mate.
Mostly though I'd just like to tug on the end of that belt and:
FREE THE BOOBS!
We as a society need to lighten up. Take a few lessons from Caligula. Make this nation no longer a country where people resort to dry humping each other in night clubs, and feel the need to compete for the attentions of others through various means of peacocking both male and female.
It has become apparent that due to the repression and oppression of the sexually mature above 18 American who has been brainwashed through Hollywood and various other social venues that:
...Unless they are married, have children, and live in a little white house with a picket fence.
That then, and only then will their life be perfect and complete.
I vehemently advocate the legalization of at least one thing that would help bring this country out of the outdated dark ages philosophy of controlled mating rituals that has been force fed down our throats for too many long years now leading one to speculate that this form of repressed taboo sexuality has led to the creation and spread of a social plague unlike any that has ever been seen before.
And that is...to legalize and regulate prostitution all across the entire United States. It is almost the year 2010, and our 1950s Leave it to Beaver moral standards have caused many to resort to drugs and alcohol in extreme excess for escape due to the lack of other outlets.
Perhaps if there were brothels everywhere for men and women, where everyone would have the chance to relieve themselves...then we would see a drastic decline in the douchey and bleethy activities of our fellow Americans. People would be much happier, and the country would generate tons of never before seen income. But mostly, people wouldn't have to resort to going to these types of clubs, act douchey, wear obnoxiously loud outfits, in order to attract a mate.
Mostly though I'd just like to tug on the end of that belt and:
FREE THE BOOBS!
Can't watch past a minute. Bleeth. Bleeth. Horrible. Just horrible. So many punch-voices. I know you are not meant to hit women but I am sure somewhere in the rules of chivalry it says "unless they sound like a wet cat being rubbed on an inflatable blackboard". Fake, over made up, fake, mindless, fake... Proof that if you distil the basic elements of hard wired attraction and caricature them to an insane extent you don't get beauty, you get something horrible.
I would rather gargle fox urine than be in that club and rather mainline a mix of ball-sweat and caustic soda than wake up next to anything I saw in small amount of the video I just watched. Thank fuck they only go for douches. Thank fuck. I need a big drink.
I would rather gargle fox urine than be in that club and rather mainline a mix of ball-sweat and caustic soda than wake up next to anything I saw in small amount of the video I just watched. Thank fuck they only go for douches. Thank fuck. I need a big drink.
# posted by : 9:21 AM
: 9:21 AM
Until I watched this video, I was a loyal, patriotic American.
Now am I grieving. The Soviets had a chance to stop all this by nuking us off the face of the earth, and yet they chose not to. What a shame. What a wasted opportunity.
At least I know that, they, too, are falling victim to the virus. We shall be avenged, one bag at a time.
Now am I grieving. The Soviets had a chance to stop all this by nuking us off the face of the earth, and yet they chose not to. What a shame. What a wasted opportunity.
At least I know that, they, too, are falling victim to the virus. We shall be avenged, one bag at a time.
This is not unique to America or Texas in particular. I have traveled to many countries, all of them have some sort of dance club filled with people like this one.
Don't hate your nation people... In France too, unfortunately we have douchebags...
PS : If you ever come to Paris... Never go to the nightclub called "The Queen"... It's a douche place !
PS2 : We invented the most douchey dance ever : Tecktonik... I would like to apologise for this...
PS : If you ever come to Paris... Never go to the nightclub called "The Queen"... It's a douche place !
PS2 : We invented the most douchey dance ever : Tecktonik... I would like to apologise for this...
# posted by : 9:58 AM
: 9:58 AM
I live in Dallas and the amount of douchebags and bleethed out chichs here is ridiculous.
Dallas embodies everything wrong with the United States. It's full of self-important assholes who put themselves first without consideration for those around them. Fuck them.
Dallas embodies everything wrong with the United States. It's full of self-important assholes who put themselves first without consideration for those around them. Fuck them.
# posted by : 10:09 AM
: 10:09 AM
I imagine that that club smells like acetone, sex wax, candy and desperation. The douches were uber-douchey and the hotts were caricatures of sensuality. I am reminded of Dante when he firsts hubs Hell and sees the souls confined in Limbo--and I paraphrase here: "So many. I had not thought douche had undone so many."
Straight up clown shoes.
Straight up clown shoes.
Screw that, Techtonic is kinda awesome, sometimes, in really small doses. But i wouldn't say it's douchey. More super metro.
# posted by : 10:20 AM
: 10:20 AM
"... 'N dat's when we get jiggy widdit, like ,... nan na an nananan
na na na na.. geddin jiggy widdit.."
That fellow appears to have huffed AquaNet from a plastic bag one too many times.
na na na na.. geddin jiggy widdit.."
That fellow appears to have huffed AquaNet from a plastic bag one too many times.
All of the vacant, empty-headed banality I saw in that video made me wonder -- did they immediately inject the attendees with ecstasy the second they walked through the door?
I picture it like the inoculations at basic training... ID, cover charge, and a pneumatic spray of poisons zapped right into your arm. "Feeling good, bro. Gonna score."
I pray for a tornado to strike them while there is still time.
I picture it like the inoculations at basic training... ID, cover charge, and a pneumatic spray of poisons zapped right into your arm. "Feeling good, bro. Gonna score."
I pray for a tornado to strike them while there is still time.
When that club folds in a few months, it will be declared a biohazard and be sealed inside a lead and concrete sarcaphogus to protect future generations. We can only hope the CDC chooses to do this prior to last call.
So I hit the "HQ" or "High Quality" button on the You Tube video.
But when it's done I still see these people. What gives?
Also, I think these are the same types of "models" Michael Irvin was caught in a Dallas motel with....
But when it's done I still see these people. What gives?
Also, I think these are the same types of "models" Michael Irvin was caught in a Dallas motel with....
# posted by : 2:12 PM
: 2:12 PM
Plastic Surgeons should not be allowed to charge by the mL, or should tell these tiny, vacant, skeletons that EE's that won't jiggle during an earthquake don't make you sexy... but then again they are the douches of Drs.
I don't know about Sir Sux Alot, but I saw one cat who looks like he fell asleep with his face wedged in a George Foreman Grill
For national security reasons I'd like to take this video down. Yes, then the terrorists win. But we'd all be safer for it. Alternatively, I'm starting a fund for a set of one-way tickets to send each and every one of these lovely slores to Pakistan. Al Qaida would then be forced to adopt them AND simultaneously have an incentive not to blow up the source of their new-found amusement.
I actually could have found this video quite enjoyable.
That is, if the doors and windows were sealed shut, and a swarm of angry, Africanized killer bees were let loose in the building.
Or, maybe a liquid propane gas explosion.
That is, if the doors and windows were sealed shut, and a swarm of angry, Africanized killer bees were let loose in the building.
Or, maybe a liquid propane gas explosion.
@ JCVD 9:20
You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar. I type the following with a totally straight face: Heidi Fleiss is a personal hero of mine, and were it legal to operate a bunny-ranch style brothel here in Ill-in-noise, I most certainly would be the proud proprietress of one. High class all the way, regular checkups, mandatory physical fitness and drug testing, super-duper luxurious conditions and a cleaner room than you could hope to get at the Hyatt. Lord almighty, if a top-flite blowjob from a scorchingly hot chick was fifty bucks away, half of the world's problems would be solved.
As for the video, I did not watch it. I was afraid to. I can only imagine it was something like a cross between a vivsection lab, and the LaBrea Tarpits in their heyday. Just a lot of dumb, frightened animals, writhing and squirming and making odd noises, while sinking into a mire from which they'll never escape.
You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar. I type the following with a totally straight face: Heidi Fleiss is a personal hero of mine, and were it legal to operate a bunny-ranch style brothel here in Ill-in-noise, I most certainly would be the proud proprietress of one. High class all the way, regular checkups, mandatory physical fitness and drug testing, super-duper luxurious conditions and a cleaner room than you could hope to get at the Hyatt. Lord almighty, if a top-flite blowjob from a scorchingly hot chick was fifty bucks away, half of the world's problems would be solved.
As for the video, I did not watch it. I was afraid to. I can only imagine it was something like a cross between a vivsection lab, and the LaBrea Tarpits in their heyday. Just a lot of dumb, frightened animals, writhing and squirming and making odd noises, while sinking into a mire from which they'll never escape.
well, to be fair, I've been to Dallas and it IS rather warm, so that can explain the shirtlessness.
Just kidding, we need to do a little spring cleaning of the gene pool and turn that place into a Great White concert.
Just kidding, we need to do a little spring cleaning of the gene pool and turn that place into a Great White concert.
# posted by : 3:31 PM
: 3:31 PM
douche sprinsten thats real funny bro come here and say that to my face i had some freinds die in there ten grand buddy you come here and fight me tough guy!
# posted by : 4:01 PM
: 4:01 PM
The Lord must have been convinced there were at least 10 righteous humans in Wish this night; otherwise the there would have been a downpour of brimstone and fire.
I would do bad things to Jessica from 2:03-2:22. Are those bars through her nips?
I would do bad things to Jessica from 2:03-2:22. Are those bars through her nips?
I say we let Texas succeed from the US. I'll even sacrifice some of those big breasts to get rid of those Texas-sized bags.
WOW
Oh god, that was vomitrocious... I think I have silicone poisoning now. My eyeballs feel gelatinous and bouncy, and I want to cover them with a seatbelt...
Oh god, that was vomitrocious... I think I have silicone poisoning now. My eyeballs feel gelatinous and bouncy, and I want to cover them with a seatbelt...
I love how these videos make these places seem so cool and jumpin'. I present you with this:
http://www.yelp.com/biz/wish-ultralounge-dallas
http://www.yelp.com/biz/wish-ultralounge-dallas
# posted by : 4:43 PM
: 4:43 PM
All you yahoos posting "boobies" are insane. Asian trannys have better and more realistic racks than these skeezers. They're probably cleaner too.
# posted by : 5:15 PM
: 5:15 PM
@bagavad gita
If by "bad things" you mean "sterilize her and then dump her somewhere out in a desert, from whence she's unlikely to find her way back," I concur.
If by "bad things" you mean "sterilize her and then dump her somewhere out in a desert, from whence she's unlikely to find her way back," I concur.
@Mr. White
That is one version of bad things. Another version involves jumper cables, a faulty frequency generator I like to call "Sparky", various cylindrical vegetables, and bacon grease.
Different strokes, right?
That is one version of bad things. Another version involves jumper cables, a faulty frequency generator I like to call "Sparky", various cylindrical vegetables, and bacon grease.
Different strokes, right?
The reviews of Wish that IzzY linked to are pretty hilarious. Here are just a few of my favorite excerpts:
"The only half-way appealing thing there was the music. The dance floor, however, was covered, COVERED, in shattered glass. Which is great when you wear high heels. No really. That part was awesome. I love the feeling that at any moment, I could not only slip, but I could also go to the emergency room to remove 10 pieces of dirty glass out of my kneecap."
-Ashley P.
"I have to admit, this place got better the more I drank. Better in the sense of entertainment value if you're into people-watching. Lots of self-important, over-indulgent, champagne-popping, indoor-sunglass-wearing, cokehead posers."
-Pinar D.
"And what is it with all these places painting every conceivable surface that will hold paint white? If I wanted to get drunk at a hospital I'd go see my Uncle Leroy on Saturday nights."
-Clay F.
"Seriously, Wish, I hate you. You're in a strip mall. You have no right to be pretentious. And your red carpet trips your skanks."
-Tricia O.
"The only half-way appealing thing there was the music. The dance floor, however, was covered, COVERED, in shattered glass. Which is great when you wear high heels. No really. That part was awesome. I love the feeling that at any moment, I could not only slip, but I could also go to the emergency room to remove 10 pieces of dirty glass out of my kneecap."
-Ashley P.
"I have to admit, this place got better the more I drank. Better in the sense of entertainment value if you're into people-watching. Lots of self-important, over-indulgent, champagne-popping, indoor-sunglass-wearing, cokehead posers."
-Pinar D.
"And what is it with all these places painting every conceivable surface that will hold paint white? If I wanted to get drunk at a hospital I'd go see my Uncle Leroy on Saturday nights."
-Clay F.
"Seriously, Wish, I hate you. You're in a strip mall. You have no right to be pretentious. And your red carpet trips your skanks."
-Tricia O.
Times like this, I am proud of my city. And Arlington. I wish I known about this awesome party.
# posted by : 8:47 PM
: 8:47 PM
THIS IS THE SINGLE BEST REPRESENTATION OF ALL THAT IS DOUCHEDOM I HAVE EVER WITNESSED!!
I couldn't be more disgusted, yet informed. Fortunately, even as a longtime douche-identifier/hater, I was able to really take something away from this video... mostly a whole new level of misanthropy. But, beyond that, an almost euphoric indifference to just how seriously unintelligent everyone in the video was. I was actually unaware of the magnitude of stupidity within this whole thing. I feel much better now that I know there is nothing salvagable from it.
I couldn't be more disgusted, yet informed. Fortunately, even as a longtime douche-identifier/hater, I was able to really take something away from this video... mostly a whole new level of misanthropy. But, beyond that, an almost euphoric indifference to just how seriously unintelligent everyone in the video was. I was actually unaware of the magnitude of stupidity within this whole thing. I feel much better now that I know there is nothing salvagable from it.
# posted by : 10:06 PM
: 10:06 PM
That was the biggest throng of genetic cul-de-sacs I have ever witnessed with my now-tainted eyes. It's like the Special Ed version of Rehab...dayum.
I just puked into my shorts and burned my dick with my own acid whiskey vomit; happy now, DB1?
I just puked into my shorts and burned my dick with my own acid whiskey vomit; happy now, DB1?
The boobs in this poon pastiche are not desirable; there's enough under-boob smegma here to choke a silverback highland gorilla.
If you cover the bottom half of Belt-Tit's image it looks like a plumber's ass crack.
These ain't boobies, people. They're caulk guns.
If you cover the bottom half of Belt-Tit's image it looks like a plumber's ass crack.
These ain't boobies, people. They're caulk guns.
I have to believe if this Rottweiler were listening to the shitty music in this video (or from any nightclub), he'd react in much the same manner.....
I counted all the girls I would genuinely play hide the salami with in this video but I had to stop at infinity. I've been a fan of HCWDB for a number of years now but this video is one of my personal faves. You people don't realise how good you have it!
I can understand when your day and nightlife is populated with oversized barbie perfection that you might get somewhat bored with it, but trust me, as a red blooded male living in Dublin, Ireland, you really need to appreciate the fine ass quality poontang y'all have on your doorstep. I know you have millions of morbidly obese fatchicks inhabiting your great country too but trust me, this isn't a grass is always greener thing - America has the hottest chicks in the world. I know the 6% of you who have passports and dare to visit another country think the women are great but come on guys, you know you'd hit most of the laydeez in that vid - you may not boast about it, you may even be ashamed about it but YOU KNOW YOU WOULD.
Every time I visit the states I'm blown away (thankfully literally) by how hot your average girls are and by how fucking amazing your hot chicks are. Maybe it's because I'm petty, maybe it's because I'm a sucker for a pretty face or maybe it's because I'm a horndog, but your girls are quite simply, in a different league. Best part is they are so friendly compared to the stuck up frigid virgins that inhabit the islands of Ireland and the UK. By any scale, US hottness triumphs. If you want to come to Europe and see the few and far between of out hotness and compare, be my guest. But you won't see them in a state of undress like the laydeez in this vid or the hotties that illuminate this site daily. In fact, unless you have a fetish for wanking over wellington boots, raincoats and umbrellas you can pretty much forget Ireland.
Say it with me:
USA! USA! USA! USA!
I can understand when your day and nightlife is populated with oversized barbie perfection that you might get somewhat bored with it, but trust me, as a red blooded male living in Dublin, Ireland, you really need to appreciate the fine ass quality poontang y'all have on your doorstep. I know you have millions of morbidly obese fatchicks inhabiting your great country too but trust me, this isn't a grass is always greener thing - America has the hottest chicks in the world. I know the 6% of you who have passports and dare to visit another country think the women are great but come on guys, you know you'd hit most of the laydeez in that vid - you may not boast about it, you may even be ashamed about it but YOU KNOW YOU WOULD.
Every time I visit the states I'm blown away (thankfully literally) by how hot your average girls are and by how fucking amazing your hot chicks are. Maybe it's because I'm petty, maybe it's because I'm a sucker for a pretty face or maybe it's because I'm a horndog, but your girls are quite simply, in a different league. Best part is they are so friendly compared to the stuck up frigid virgins that inhabit the islands of Ireland and the UK. By any scale, US hottness triumphs. If you want to come to Europe and see the few and far between of out hotness and compare, be my guest. But you won't see them in a state of undress like the laydeez in this vid or the hotties that illuminate this site daily. In fact, unless you have a fetish for wanking over wellington boots, raincoats and umbrellas you can pretty much forget Ireland.
Say it with me:
USA! USA! USA! USA!
@ Peter me boy,
Being of Irish descent meself, I'm a might dissapointed in yer' disparagin' remarks concernin' the lassies from the Emerald Isle.
I've been under the impression that all Irish Ass Pear looked like this.
Being of Irish descent meself, I'm a might dissapointed in yer' disparagin' remarks concernin' the lassies from the Emerald Isle.
I've been under the impression that all Irish Ass Pear looked like this.
@ Peter,
Uhh, have you ever felt a silicone or saline-filled boobie? I mean, if you find the texture of a decorative toilet seat cushion to be erotic, then more power to you!
And as for wanking over wellington boots and such, there are many reasons the vinyl fetish is so popular, and not just because it's so easy to clean up afterwards...
Wait, I just contradicted myself... boobies encased in vinyl are sexy, but not vinyl boobies, is what I mean to say.
Uhh, have you ever felt a silicone or saline-filled boobie? I mean, if you find the texture of a decorative toilet seat cushion to be erotic, then more power to you!
And as for wanking over wellington boots and such, there are many reasons the vinyl fetish is so popular, and not just because it's so easy to clean up afterwards...
Wait, I just contradicted myself... boobies encased in vinyl are sexy, but not vinyl boobies, is what I mean to say.
What a horrible place. I cannot help wondering what is the objective of these people? What are they trying to do?
# posted by : 8:01 AM
: 8:01 AM
What a lame collection of 30k-millionaires and overinflated strippers with daddy issues.
I need a tetanus shot from watching this. Then I need to go to Academy, buy a few boxes of 7.62x39, drive to Arlington, and let fly.
I need a tetanus shot from watching this. Then I need to go to Academy, buy a few boxes of 7.62x39, drive to Arlington, and let fly.
# posted by : 10:42 AM
: 10:42 AM
After viewing that video I am beginning to think that al qaeda is right that our society should be destroyed. What kind of society can excrete such a repulsive abomination as what is shown in that video? That video is more vile and disgusting than Lars von Trier's "The Antichrist".
# posted by : 11:01 AM
: 11:01 AM
@scrotum pole, 4:33 a.m. -
Cor, me fellow 'baghunter, but yer photo got me shillelagh risin', it did!
What a fine li'l lass! An' donnae be sayin' that t' th' ladies out loud, f'r they'd be t' slappin' ye!
Cor, me fellow 'baghunter, but yer photo got me shillelagh risin', it did!
What a fine li'l lass! An' donnae be sayin' that t' th' ladies out loud, f'r they'd be t' slappin' ye!
I never thought that seeing a video with so many boobies could be so depressing...
# posted by : 3:24 PM
: 3:24 PM
@Medusa 3:02,
Much as I appreciate the good intentions of yourself and JCvD, I would beg to differ. For example, I think most of these creatures in the video would brag about having a regular sex life. And, as we've seen from their occasional comments, if we only got laid like they did, we would appreciate them more.
And yet I can't help but think that the exact opposite is true. Dressing up hot and giving blowjobs for an hourly wage doesn't satisfy, it only flatters.
If you ask, I'm perfectly willing to explain myself further.
Much as I appreciate the good intentions of yourself and JCvD, I would beg to differ. For example, I think most of these creatures in the video would brag about having a regular sex life. And, as we've seen from their occasional comments, if we only got laid like they did, we would appreciate them more.
And yet I can't help but think that the exact opposite is true. Dressing up hot and giving blowjobs for an hourly wage doesn't satisfy, it only flatters.
If you ask, I'm perfectly willing to explain myself further.
After watching (some) of this video, I find it important to remind the audience that no matter what the stripper tells you, there is no sex in the champagne room.
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