Monday, December 21, 2009
The Doucheclops
The Doucheclops always gets left out of abridged versions of the required high school text, Douchelysses.
Meanwhile, Shen Chi reconsiders her decision to enroll in the Mail Order Bride program.
Even though it brought honor to her father's village in northern Xianpieu, guaranteeing an extra rice shipment per fortnight for the elders to barter with for grain, razors and shoelaces.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 4:02 PM 
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Oh, my God!
And then...ha ha ha!!!
And then...Holy crap.
Gene Simmons and Quasimodo done made a baby.
I.....
I need to drink something.
And then...ha ha ha!!!
And then...Holy crap.
Gene Simmons and Quasimodo done made a baby.
I.....
I need to drink something.
@ Anon 4:13
Not if they're covered in smegma like this ass pirate's tongue is. His breath probably smells like the outfall pipe by Candlestick Park.
Not if they're covered in smegma like this ass pirate's tongue is. His breath probably smells like the outfall pipe by Candlestick Park.
He looks like the grinch to me. And she is an inner thigh tattoo away from a stage-3 bleeth.
# posted by 
: 4:24 PM
: 4:24 PM
AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
It's fuccen hideous!
For the love of all that is good and holy please make this abomination go away. Now. Please.
Booze, where the fuck is my booze!?!
*frantically digging through my cupboards*
It's fuccen hideous!
For the love of all that is good and holy please make this abomination go away. Now. Please.
Booze, where the fuck is my booze!?!
*frantically digging through my cupboards*
^ unfortunately Vin, that's what I did to my own eyes after seeing this pic, then I sterilized by drinking 100 proof vodka through my empty eye sockets (the ocular cavities for those of you scientific folk).
either the dude is 2 feet tall, or that is a really tall ficus in the background, or he chopped off the tops of his fingers in a terrible table saw accident.
This may be the true "nub"
This may be the true "nub"
# posted by : 4:52 PM
: 4:52 PM
Meatloaf hangs out with a groupy on the Bangkok leg of his world tour in 2033. Nice flex duct hanging out int he background as well.
Jesus, this is fucking disgusting. 750 ml of Jameson's. STAT!
Jesus, this is fucking disgusting. 750 ml of Jameson's. STAT!
AHA!
So the gargoyles at the gates of Hell DO exist, and it wasn't just a dream.
Funny thing was, Baphomet on the right there was making the exact same face as he tongue-bathed Cerberus the 3-headed-dog's tri-assholes clean after a particularly messy feast on Ninth-Circle Richard Nixon.
I believe Johnny Nguyen on the left was just hangin' out windexing The Dark Lord's reading glasses.
So the gargoyles at the gates of Hell DO exist, and it wasn't just a dream.
Funny thing was, Baphomet on the right there was making the exact same face as he tongue-bathed Cerberus the 3-headed-dog's tri-assholes clean after a particularly messy feast on Ninth-Circle Richard Nixon.
I believe Johnny Nguyen on the left was just hangin' out windexing The Dark Lord's reading glasses.
# posted by : 4:59 PM
: 4:59 PM
As the resident expert in the occult here, I know this creature to, in fact, be a kappa, an inhuman water demon with a muck-covered scaly hide, a stunted frog-like body and a face that looks like a chimp humped a tortoise. Their activities range from the merely annoying (farting in public) to the downright evil (kidnapping and drowning children).
This appears to be an excellent specimen! And the guy in the leather jacket is pretty creepy, too. (ba-rum BUM kisssssh!) WOCKA WOCKA WOCKA!!!!
This appears to be an excellent specimen! And the guy in the leather jacket is pretty creepy, too. (ba-rum BUM kisssssh!) WOCKA WOCKA WOCKA!!!!
This Klaus snuck his date into the hotel where he heard the Scorpions were staying.
Once he fashioned a makeshift tail out of the nearest dryer vent, he was ready to meet them AND ROCK THE FUCK OUT, MAN!
Once he fashioned a makeshift tail out of the nearest dryer vent, he was ready to meet them AND ROCK THE FUCK OUT, MAN!
He looks like he's been licking the fixtures in the Level Four section of the bioweapons lab, where if you tear your suit you're finished.
Yeeesh. Now, a question on a point of procedure: it is still calendar year 2009, but the Douchies have closed. So is this douchecreature eligible for 2010 noms? Because he is something for sure, and by something I mean hideous.
--VS
Yeeesh. Now, a question on a point of procedure: it is still calendar year 2009, but the Douchies have closed. So is this douchecreature eligible for 2010 noms? Because he is something for sure, and by something I mean hideous.
--VS
# posted by : 6:11 PM
: 6:11 PM
The douchebag has been eating too much cream of sum yung gai. It has permanently stained his tongue.
# posted by : 6:12 PM
: 6:12 PM
I agree with vinny. This POS needs to be re-run in January so he can crush everyone else in a weekly.
Egads - It's hard to find words. And I'm tired, so i won't try.
But he really is a massive douchenozzle aligned with Thagirion of the Qliphoth. He needs to have his nads removed.
Egads - It's hard to find words. And I'm tired, so i won't try.
But he really is a massive douchenozzle aligned with Thagirion of the Qliphoth. He needs to have his nads removed.
Witness the first applicant for the Closet of Involuntary Rectal Discharge.
Seriously, DB1, sequester this shit. I don't need to see either of these people in weeklies or monthlies.
Seriously, DB1, sequester this shit. I don't need to see either of these people in weeklies or monthlies.
a cruel twist of fate played out when Eustice told the bayou shaman that he'd trade half of his fingers for a tongue that would make women groan
sometimes this site makes me sad. other times, i wish my old imaginary friend, van helsing, was real so that he could vanquish this gremlin.
# posted by : 8:14 PM
: 8:14 PM
Yeah, he's a giant douche. But that "hott" ain't going to win him nothin' in the Weekly.
# posted by : 8:28 PM
: 8:28 PM
The Chinese toymakers show off their latest creation, "A Clockwork Orange-Felix the Kit-Kat Clock," where the tongue replaces the tail and time takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
Shen Chi shows off her entry into the up and coming Dragon Boat competition, whose theme this year is "Whatever Makes Your Boat Float..."
What is going on with the little Charlie Brown fingers? I think we may have found a coupling between a dwarfbag and, well, probably just a regular asian bleeth.
# posted by : 8:45 PM
: 8:45 PM
Tom found out the hard way to never attempt a lick on a Sybian phallus while Poopaloompa was going for Viking Yogurt Rodeo Gold.
Freed from the confines of Doucheclops' scalp, the head lice enjoy ski-jumping down his yeasty white tongue and landing in Longhorn Valley.
The sad aftermath of Mr. White's experiments with treble hook condoms was more readily evident on the male subjects than the female victims, whose Porch Beef now looks like a set of hippy beads made of various strands of luncheon meats.
Herman never realized that the heavy expenditure of energy required to raise one eyebrow would release his cursed silver tapeworm from its rectal confines.
The moment Garth’s hind-quarter's touched the wood-burning stove, his facial muscles practiced every conceivable contortion known to man.
Massengill shows off his prized hand-hewn Air Conditioning ductwork that was used to ventilate his stifling basement.
Now we know who modeled the album cover for the Stones "40 Licks" LP.
I heard that guy was dead.......
I heard that guy was dead.......
...Damn...
I've given up trying to illustrate what's wrong with this picture. I think I might have seen this image before, however, in some art show. I believe it was titled "Still Life with Thai Ladyboy and Corned Beef-Loving Hobgoblin".
I've given up trying to illustrate what's wrong with this picture. I think I might have seen this image before, however, in some art show. I believe it was titled "Still Life with Thai Ladyboy and Corned Beef-Loving Hobgoblin".
Effin nasty. I think it's clear that he swallows. And her... blonde Asian club bitch. Obvious douchebaguette.
# posted by : 11:44 PM
: 11:44 PM
actually, i meant to say that both Shen Chi and Doucheclops looks like they were salvaged straight out of a landfill.
No way is that human. I thought that Poo was as bad as it got. This is... Dammit DB it is not even ten o'clock in the morning here and I am going to have to start drinking to get rid of this image. My liver and my eyes are not happy.
# posted by : 1:39 AM
: 1:39 AM
In the secret US nuclear tests in the 50's a scientist was accidentally left with a perfect inverted mushroom cloud burnt into his retina. Thanks to you I now have an upside down image of Count Monocular permanently etched into mine.
Thanks a fucking bunch.
Thanks a fucking bunch.
Looks like he caught all of Donk's splooge on his tongue.
Oh, and "ni hao" little schoolgirl!
Oh, and "ni hao" little schoolgirl!
# posted by : 4:23 AM
: 4:23 AM
Shen Chi will then strap herself to the under belly of an enlarged sheep to escape his mom's basement. Right after she pierces his eyeball with his man jewelry.
I believe the author of Douchelysses was Homey.
Dr. DB
I believe the author of Douchelysses was Homey.
Dr. DB
Don Rickle's ballsac-to-tongue graft was a success, although in retrospect he wished he'd used a younger man's donor sac instead of his octogenarean's slackened danglebags.
And he regretted the decision to turn them inside-out; it would have be less gross to shave his hairy goosebumped sac-tongue instead of living with his own yellowish highly adhesive jizzscretions which required constant airing-out.
And he regretted the decision to turn them inside-out; it would have be less gross to shave his hairy goosebumped sac-tongue instead of living with his own yellowish highly adhesive jizzscretions which required constant airing-out.
Stellar work for a lazy Monday before Christmas, DB1. You have successfully made me cream in my jeans over Eurobrow's Swiss angel, and subsequently shit myself upon seeing Doucheclops' cauliflower-face. Hopefully Santa will be bringing me some new Levi's...
I'm thinkin' The Sterlizer has just had his name - and title - stolen.
My ovaries just shriveled and died at the sight of it.
Brush your fuccen tongue, man - no one wants to see *that.*
My ovaries just shriveled and died at the sight of it.
Brush your fuccen tongue, man - no one wants to see *that.*
Can anything that lives under a bridge and spends most of his time harassing goats ever be considered a douchebag? I say no.
This picture literally scared me. I wanna hide my face in eurogirl's sumptuous bosom as she comforts me with old Swedish proverbs about how no matter how scary a douchebag is, he probably won't hurt you because he's too scared he'll break a sweat and ruin his hairdo/40 dollar Armani shirt.
# posted by : 11:35 AM
: 11:35 AM
I've come to this site for over two years, and this is the first time I actually recoiled at the sight of something.
# posted by : 11:23 PM
: 11:23 PM
Double Dip Alert- I believe that the Doucheclops is in fact a devolved member of the Four Horsemen of the Douchepocylpse, a shameless attempt to archtype-shop in pursuit of undeserved enhanced douchery- SHAME
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# posted by : 10:54 AM
: 10:54 AM << Home
