Thursday, December 10, 2009
Hottest Girl Next Door Hott
The 2009 Douchie Awards continue here at HCwDB with "Hottest Girl Next Door Hott." But before you vote, yours truly got some press over at Slate. I'm "crude but cultured." Must've been all that organic yogurt.
Here's your finalists:
Hottest Girl Next Door Hott Finalist #1: Cynthia
A partner of HCwDB winner Orange Derek Jeter Head from all the way back in February, Cynthia is filled with barely legal life/joy.
Here she is again, in all her sweet gloriousness.
Cynthia's innocent status is belied by her choice of chest shaved orange finger throwing Derek Jeter Head.
In a hoodie.
With a giant orange head.
Flipping the bird.
But that's not the category. The category is "Girl Next Door" hottness. The older sister of your best friend hottness. And Cynthia is curvy and her smile cures shingles, lupus and a fractured Lacanian psyche.
Her jeans shorts won an award in Copenhagen.
"Best Jean Shorts."
I'm serious.
I would gnaw.
Then fall softly asleep in the laundry closet, whimpering.
Hottest Girl Next Door Hott Finalist #2: Sienna
Shiny Head Sheldon's partner from early September has the haunting eyes that send ships to war and Zoroastrian priests to self flagellate with fishing twine.
Sheldon is greasy douchitude.
But Sienna is a complex kaleidoscope of stained glass goodnesss.
Sheldon is everything greased up and fractured about the male psyche in the age of pressure and constraint.
But Sheldon's forehead, already up for a government contract to Halliburton, is not what's in discussion here.
Sienna is.
Tiny, smiley, shy Sienna. I would rub your ankles softly with chamomile lotion, then slap myself with In-n-Out burgers until I passed out in the back seat of an abandoned Chevy Malibu.
Hottest Girl Next Door Hott Finalist #3: Ashlee
From Ashlee's Spring Break in mid April, Ashlee is the thin, awkward and shy collegiate perfection we, and I mean the royal We, all collectively dream about.
And by dream about, I mean butt butter fondle with a spatula and a small Brazilian named Pepe on standby for assistance.
Ashlee studies hard for all her classes.
She's home for every Thanksgiving.
As such, we should appreciate her Girl Next Door charms, just as we want to yank on Simian Frank's annoying chinstrap with a cheese grater.
Hottest Girl Next Door Hott Finalist #4: Stephanie
Looking bizarrely similar to Ashlee, suggesting your humble narrator, the DB1 has a subconscious thing for coy brunettes with glorious smiles, Stephanie is all that's holy in Antwerp, and all that's buttgrabby in Guadalcanal.
Here Steph is, pictured along with Lumpy from back in June.
Stephanie's hauntingly coy smile tasks me through the waking hours, inspiring continuing drinking problems involving cheap wine and televisual therapy via proxy figures on talk shows.
And yes, all four of your choices are looking off to their right of the camera.
I do not know why this is.
I do not know why my socks smell like gouda.
Vote now.
Here's your finalists:
Hottest Girl Next Door Hott Finalist #1: Cynthia
A partner of HCwDB winner Orange Derek Jeter Head from all the way back in February, Cynthia is filled with barely legal life/joy.
Here she is again, in all her sweet gloriousness.
Cynthia's innocent status is belied by her choice of chest shaved orange finger throwing Derek Jeter Head.
In a hoodie.
With a giant orange head.
Flipping the bird.
But that's not the category. The category is "Girl Next Door" hottness. The older sister of your best friend hottness. And Cynthia is curvy and her smile cures shingles, lupus and a fractured Lacanian psyche.
Her jeans shorts won an award in Copenhagen.
"Best Jean Shorts."
I'm serious.
I would gnaw.
Then fall softly asleep in the laundry closet, whimpering.
Hottest Girl Next Door Hott Finalist #2: Sienna
Shiny Head Sheldon's partner from early September has the haunting eyes that send ships to war and Zoroastrian priests to self flagellate with fishing twine.
Sheldon is greasy douchitude.
But Sienna is a complex kaleidoscope of stained glass goodnesss.
Sheldon is everything greased up and fractured about the male psyche in the age of pressure and constraint.
But Sheldon's forehead, already up for a government contract to Halliburton, is not what's in discussion here.
Sienna is.
Tiny, smiley, shy Sienna. I would rub your ankles softly with chamomile lotion, then slap myself with In-n-Out burgers until I passed out in the back seat of an abandoned Chevy Malibu.
Hottest Girl Next Door Hott Finalist #3: Ashlee
From Ashlee's Spring Break in mid April, Ashlee is the thin, awkward and shy collegiate perfection we, and I mean the royal We, all collectively dream about.
And by dream about, I mean butt butter fondle with a spatula and a small Brazilian named Pepe on standby for assistance.
Ashlee studies hard for all her classes.
She's home for every Thanksgiving.
As such, we should appreciate her Girl Next Door charms, just as we want to yank on Simian Frank's annoying chinstrap with a cheese grater.
Hottest Girl Next Door Hott Finalist #4: Stephanie
Looking bizarrely similar to Ashlee, suggesting your humble narrator, the DB1 has a subconscious thing for coy brunettes with glorious smiles, Stephanie is all that's holy in Antwerp, and all that's buttgrabby in Guadalcanal.
Here Steph is, pictured along with Lumpy from back in June.
Stephanie's hauntingly coy smile tasks me through the waking hours, inspiring continuing drinking problems involving cheap wine and televisual therapy via proxy figures on talk shows.
And yes, all four of your choices are looking off to their right of the camera.
I do not know why this is.
I do not know why my socks smell like gouda.
Vote now.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 7:01 AM 
Comments:
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Cynthia in a runaway. And by runaway, I mean I would run away with her to a tropical island and rub exotic lotions on her supple legs while chanting Latin melodies and feeding her Spanish ice cream.
I'm feeling worldly today.
And jean shorts.
Cynthia FTW!
I'm feeling worldly today.
And jean shorts.
Cynthia FTW!
ashlee is the only true Girl Next Door here, although stephanie could arguably qualify. the rest look more like Most Expensive First Dates
While they're all delectable, it's Cynthia by a mile. And by a mile I mean I'd buy a mile's worth of rose petals just to lead her into the woods and over to grandma' house for some tea and crumpets.
I'm with you, DB1, it's between Cynthia and Stephanie. Both rest just below my subconscious while I go through my workaday routine, and I would rest just below their... well, you get the point. I am going to resolve this by noting the little line that extends just above Lumpy's right middle finger, suggesting that Stephanie has maybe had some work done. Such surgical enhancement would immediately disqualify her for this award, and thus it has to go to Cynthia and her delicious jorts.
# posted by 
: 7:24 AM
: 7:24 AM
Cynthia gets my vote (the brunette version). As a blonde, she is ok, but this is a smokin' hottie as a brunette. Worth noting that no blondes made it, DB1 tipping his hand a little bit. And you know what I am referring to there, Mr. Crude But Cultered.
In a harmonic coincidence, Jeter Head is also the biggest D-Bag, which pleases my sense of balance and feng shui.
'Cause I'm cultured that way.
In a harmonic coincidence, Jeter Head is also the biggest D-Bag, which pleases my sense of balance and feng shui.
'Cause I'm cultured that way.
No contest, Cynthia. And by no contest I mean that she would not contest my attempts at peeing in her butt.
Cynthia is orange, Ashlee is at Rehab = disqualfication
Sienna, oh sweet Sienna, how I long to leave you unsatisfied.
Sienna FTW if I wasn't clear.
And by "if I wasn't clear," I mean, "premature ejaculation."
Sienna, oh sweet Sienna, how I long to leave you unsatisfied.
Sienna FTW if I wasn't clear.
And by "if I wasn't clear," I mean, "premature ejaculation."
They all have their good points and bad points.
Cynthia.
Good: uber hott, nice smile
Bad: flippin' the scissors, beady bleeth look in her eyes.
Sienna.
Good: wholesome looking, lovely hair, big eyes, not skinny, not heavyu - JUST right.
Bad: Looks dumb as a sack of hammers. Looks high maintenance.
Ashlee.
Good: looks very low maintenance, rockin bod, sweet smile.
Bad: has "bitch on wheels" look in her eyes, tummy jewelry.
Stephanie:
Good: great smile, looks like she knows how to read. Fine rack.
Bad: has the kind of look that doesn't age well.
They all have questionable taste in men.
I can only put myself in a mental state where I am in a situation where I get to meet them. Who would I approach?
Cynthia? Nope. Trashy.
Sienna? Maybe.
Ashlee? Probably.
Stephanie? Likely.
So, Steph gets the nod in approachability. I dig Ashlee's form, but something about her says she has a really irritating voice.
Yet, Sienna has those lovely eyes...
Hmmm... I give it to Stephanie, because I could probably have a good conversation with her. And after a good shagging session, conversation is important...
Cynthia.
Good: uber hott, nice smile
Bad: flippin' the scissors, beady bleeth look in her eyes.
Sienna.
Good: wholesome looking, lovely hair, big eyes, not skinny, not heavyu - JUST right.
Bad: Looks dumb as a sack of hammers. Looks high maintenance.
Ashlee.
Good: looks very low maintenance, rockin bod, sweet smile.
Bad: has "bitch on wheels" look in her eyes, tummy jewelry.
Stephanie:
Good: great smile, looks like she knows how to read. Fine rack.
Bad: has the kind of look that doesn't age well.
They all have questionable taste in men.
I can only put myself in a mental state where I am in a situation where I get to meet them. Who would I approach?
Cynthia? Nope. Trashy.
Sienna? Maybe.
Ashlee? Probably.
Stephanie? Likely.
So, Steph gets the nod in approachability. I dig Ashlee's form, but something about her says she has a really irritating voice.
Yet, Sienna has those lovely eyes...
Hmmm... I give it to Stephanie, because I could probably have a good conversation with her. And after a good shagging session, conversation is important...
1. 1. Winner 2. the power of Her cuteness disturbs me and makes me a bit nervous. 3. She vaguely reminds me of a half-french, half-algerian girl I met in Spain whom after meeting I was more thinking of how i could reunite with over realistic possibilities in my area for... like 2 years. powerful stuff. Go Sienna.
Army of DOuche-ness
Army of DOuche-ness
I think Cynthia is pre-ordained, and I'm totally O.K. with that, but I'm throwing my vote in for the dark horse in this race, Stephanie. She is smiley, giggly, booby goodness, and at least based on these photos, somewhat less bleethed than Cynthia.
Stephanie for the AOB (appropriate office boner).
Stephanie for the AOB (appropriate office boner).
DB1's been watching some Cohen Bros
Cynthia all the way, without a doubt.
Her angelic smile in pic #2 should be linked into the "About Me" section where it says Hotties. She is the perfect example of the innocent Hott that makes douchebaggery so frightening here at HCwDB.com
I would repeatedly comment on a blogger site just for the chance to see pictures of Cynthia multiple times.
Cynthia all the way, without a doubt.
Her angelic smile in pic #2 should be linked into the "About Me" section where it says Hotties. She is the perfect example of the innocent Hott that makes douchebaggery so frightening here at HCwDB.com
I would repeatedly comment on a blogger site just for the chance to see pictures of Cynthia multiple times.
Cynthia. Her smile has knocked all of the snarky comments right out of my head.
# posted by : 7:47 AM
: 7:47 AM
While Sienna is much more my taste, I don't know if she qualifies for "girl next door". She's too damn sultry. And by "too damn", I mean "just the right amount of".
Cynthia is close, very close. Especially with the second photo. The problem is that she is NOT a farm girl from Iowa, but rather, a professional club chick 'bag wrangler a la Jeets over here.
Ashley is hott, but not that hott. She has shitty posture and a strained, awkward smile (could be because of the ugly tumor growing out of her right breast).
I choose Stephanie. She has an innocent, cute smile, but is still super sexy. She also seems nervous to have her photo taken, which is endearing. She also gets MAJOR POINTS for jamming her right arm between herself and this greasewad as he tries to cop a feel.
Oh, and boobies. Sweet boobies.
~JUSTIN
Cynthia is close, very close. Especially with the second photo. The problem is that she is NOT a farm girl from Iowa, but rather, a professional club chick 'bag wrangler a la Jeets over here.
Ashley is hott, but not that hott. She has shitty posture and a strained, awkward smile (could be because of the ugly tumor growing out of her right breast).
I choose Stephanie. She has an innocent, cute smile, but is still super sexy. She also seems nervous to have her photo taken, which is endearing. She also gets MAJOR POINTS for jamming her right arm between herself and this greasewad as he tries to cop a feel.
Oh, and boobies. Sweet boobies.
~JUSTIN
This is a toughy but it's got to be Cynthia. She is sweet delight.
That second pic of her gives me another toughy.
Cynthia FTW
AV
That second pic of her gives me another toughy.
Cynthia FTW
AV
# posted by : 7:51 AM
: 7:51 AM
Stephanie. Stephanie. Stephanie.
Ashlee looks like she's just seen Crucial Head naked, Sienna looks like she'd be really artificial and have an annoying accent, and Cynthia, while hott, is a French beret away from being a Baggette. (see what I did there?).
I would build Stephanie a bed made out of rabbits, baby ducks, and marmalade and make her lay there till she got bed sores...or till she stopped smiling at me like that. Actually I'd probably jizz in my pants before that.
Ashlee looks like she's just seen Crucial Head naked, Sienna looks like she'd be really artificial and have an annoying accent, and Cynthia, while hott, is a French beret away from being a Baggette. (see what I did there?).
I would build Stephanie a bed made out of rabbits, baby ducks, and marmalade and make her lay there till she got bed sores...or till she stopped smiling at me like that. Actually I'd probably jizz in my pants before that.
Cynthia. Despite the incredible punchworthiness of Orange Derek (and the head was a big target), I was very careful bashing my monitor for fear of rattling her beautiful teeth.
# posted by : 7:56 AM
: 7:56 AM
CYNTHIA on this one--it's all in that smile, and in the fact that she's maxxed out in both the "pretty" and "hott" categories, which don't always go hand-in-hand (very important distinction to note). I vote as such with some trepidation, though--notice the bleethyness in pic #1, and the fact that she clearly has her "pose" down pat. That worries me.
Sienna is sexy but too exotic to pass for a GND. Ashlee is cute in a college co-ed kind of way, but she's got a Maria Shriver/Natalie Morales kinda thing that bothers me. Stephanie's the other major contender on my card--again, maxxed out on "pretty" but doesn't bring the "hott" like Jeter's girl.
Sienna is sexy but too exotic to pass for a GND. Ashlee is cute in a college co-ed kind of way, but she's got a Maria Shriver/Natalie Morales kinda thing that bothers me. Stephanie's the other major contender on my card--again, maxxed out on "pretty" but doesn't bring the "hott" like Jeter's girl.
# posted by : 7:57 AM
: 7:57 AM
First let me qualify that only Ashlee appears to be a girl next door, based upon the clothes being worn by the others. From the head up though, they all have that look of innocence. That being said, Cynthia is clearly the hottest in this category, by a landslide. And by a landslide, I mean of course.....well you know what I mean.
Dr. DB
Dr. DB
I would have voted for Cynthia had she not tossed about a bleethy hand sign. I would have voted for Sienna had Sheldon not made that face which leaves too much to my imagination of why he has that douchey grin. Ashlee is touching the scrote so he is automatically DQ'd. So that leaves my giggle-booby-hottie Stephanie left. Her smile, her coyness, her complete (but almost hidden) disdain for the douch plague touching her (see closed right fist). She is wonderful. Lumpy is all that is wearing sunglasses indoors. Stephanie FTW
# posted by : 8:02 AM
: 8:02 AM
So many fair comments.
Neck up I vote Stephanie, neck down I vote Cynthia. Sienna would let you do very bad things, and she'd like it. @ Troy, I hear you on Ashlee.
Let's go for Stephanie. Better the sweet face than the impending bleeth.
Neck up I vote Stephanie, neck down I vote Cynthia. Sienna would let you do very bad things, and she'd like it. @ Troy, I hear you on Ashlee.
Let's go for Stephanie. Better the sweet face than the impending bleeth.
# posted by : 8:05 AM
: 8:05 AM
I would totally kidnap cynthia and take her to an exotic island where we would swim with turtles, throw sand at each other, and giggle like school girls. Than have her rub the excess tanning oil on me with those beautiful drumsticks. Allegedly of course.
# posted by : 8:08 AM
: 8:08 AM
Cynthia.
Girls next door are not all that smart, or else they'd be girl next door librarian hotts. That's why they still go tanning and through up stupid hand signs when in Rome.
She is perfection. I would clean the queen's stables for a year just so a midget in a lucha libre costume would slap me in the face with her used tampon.
Girls next door are not all that smart, or else they'd be girl next door librarian hotts. That's why they still go tanning and through up stupid hand signs when in Rome.
She is perfection. I would clean the queen's stables for a year just so a midget in a lucha libre costume would slap me in the face with her used tampon.
# posted by : 8:08 AM
: 8:08 AM
First, I want it said that I would pimp slap a bloat of hippopotami (yeah, that's real, look it up) whilst dressed in a pink tutu just for the privilege of being in the same room as any one of these GND Hotts. High quality hott meat all around up in here, is what I'm saying.
That said, though, I gotta go with which one makes my heart flutter the most. Also? She makes me feel like a dirty old man for feeling that way, which in itself has a perverse kind of deliciousness associated with it. But I digress.
Cynthia FTW. Oh holy fuckballs, is she fine!
That said, though, I gotta go with which one makes my heart flutter the most. Also? She makes me feel like a dirty old man for feeling that way, which in itself has a perverse kind of deliciousness associated with it. But I digress.
Cynthia FTW. Oh holy fuckballs, is she fine!
Look closely at Cynthia. Look beyond the biteable collarbone, the smooth thighs, and the radiant smile. Look past the innocent ponytail and the swan neck. I want you to focus on her left hand, and what she's doing with it. Do you see that? Do you see? She makes the sideways peace sign. Now look at her right hand. You see that? She's doing it again. Both hands. Sideways peace sign.
Now look at the blue-hoodied Jerz lummox she's chosen to spend her time with, just in case you had any remaining doubts. Note that she's nearly as orange as he is. Cynthia; friends, baghunters, countrymen, is Bleeth. Not only is she Bleeth, but she's taken the path gladly. This automatically disqualifies her from Girl Next Door Hott consideration.
Ashlee, I see you. I see your coy smile, your perfect posture. I know your cheerleader perkiness. I see your fratbag boyfriend Tim, who's still reliving his days as a starting free safety in tenth grade. It's clear to me, Ashlee, that you have not bothered to explore any other options, and such will quickly spiral downward into a wasteland of regret and alcoholism when you discover Tim's year long affair with acne-ridden Debbie, who handles payroll at the dealership.
Stephanie, I dunno, seems kind of mom-ish. I see her cheering on her brood of little cabbages playing softball at the municipal park. With one of those t-shirts that reads "Tucker's Mom #5" on the back. You know the people I'm talking about? She's one of those. She won't have the cabbages with Lumpy, though. No, she'll find herself some putz who won't say much when she wants to wear matching shoes.
Because that kind of shit brings you closer as a couple.
Which brings us to Sienna. She's just the kind of girl who dates Sheldon because Sheldon asked her out. Meanwhile the rest of us muttered into our Calculus textbooks and cursed the uncaring god that allowed this to happen. One day you'll have a short conversation with Sienna in the hall outside English class, and you'll convince yourself that you really can save her. But, Sheldon has a Jeep Cherokee and a pool table. All you can muster is a busted Ford Festiva and a mattress that is relatively free of stains. You are however, a great friend, even though this is the first and only time Sienna will ever talk to you.
You still think of her, though. Wearing a Santa outfit and grinding on your face while you bitterly masturbate and curse the empty universe that's left you powerless and alone. Because it's the Holidays, and you gotta be goddamned cheerful.
Not that I know anything about that, though.
Now look at the blue-hoodied Jerz lummox she's chosen to spend her time with, just in case you had any remaining doubts. Note that she's nearly as orange as he is. Cynthia; friends, baghunters, countrymen, is Bleeth. Not only is she Bleeth, but she's taken the path gladly. This automatically disqualifies her from Girl Next Door Hott consideration.
Ashlee, I see you. I see your coy smile, your perfect posture. I know your cheerleader perkiness. I see your fratbag boyfriend Tim, who's still reliving his days as a starting free safety in tenth grade. It's clear to me, Ashlee, that you have not bothered to explore any other options, and such will quickly spiral downward into a wasteland of regret and alcoholism when you discover Tim's year long affair with acne-ridden Debbie, who handles payroll at the dealership.
Stephanie, I dunno, seems kind of mom-ish. I see her cheering on her brood of little cabbages playing softball at the municipal park. With one of those t-shirts that reads "Tucker's Mom #5" on the back. You know the people I'm talking about? She's one of those. She won't have the cabbages with Lumpy, though. No, she'll find herself some putz who won't say much when she wants to wear matching shoes.
Because that kind of shit brings you closer as a couple.
Which brings us to Sienna. She's just the kind of girl who dates Sheldon because Sheldon asked her out. Meanwhile the rest of us muttered into our Calculus textbooks and cursed the uncaring god that allowed this to happen. One day you'll have a short conversation with Sienna in the hall outside English class, and you'll convince yourself that you really can save her. But, Sheldon has a Jeep Cherokee and a pool table. All you can muster is a busted Ford Festiva and a mattress that is relatively free of stains. You are however, a great friend, even though this is the first and only time Sienna will ever talk to you.
You still think of her, though. Wearing a Santa outfit and grinding on your face while you bitterly masturbate and curse the empty universe that's left you powerless and alone. Because it's the Holidays, and you gotta be goddamned cheerful.
Not that I know anything about that, though.
I usually don't dip into the Arizona State freshman class (though I wouldn't mind), but I have to give this to Cynthia. She is such a perfect little lamb... so tiny & tight. That smile is a killer.
# posted by : 8:16 AM
: 8:16 AM
Only one boobie hottie suckle thigh can win this eh? Too bad. In that case, I vote for Stephanie. She's definitely the one I'd choose to win my prize money...
# posted by : 8:16 AM
: 8:16 AM
It's a good thing that the second pic of Cynthia exists. I don't think that the first pic does her justice at all. Based up the picture with her and Orange Derek Jeter Head, I wouldn't have given her my vote.
HOWEVER, in the second picture she looks exactly like that girl that I had next door growing up that always dated the guy who picked her up in his Mustang before school. Then she went to college and I never saw her again except at Christmastime, where I tried to give her those coupons for "One Free Back Massage" and she'd laugh at me and tell me that I was too young. ...Oh to be 7 again.
Oh Cynthia!
HOWEVER, in the second picture she looks exactly like that girl that I had next door growing up that always dated the guy who picked her up in his Mustang before school. Then she went to college and I never saw her again except at Christmastime, where I tried to give her those coupons for "One Free Back Massage" and she'd laugh at me and tell me that I was too young. ...Oh to be 7 again.
Oh Cynthia!
Sienna looks too much like your paid to pose club chick to be girl next door.
Ashlee looks like a true girl next door, but isn't all that hot.
Stephanie and Cynthia... hm. I'm going with Stephanie, Cynthia looks just too trashy. She's well on the way to being super bleethed.
Ashlee looks like a true girl next door, but isn't all that hot.
Stephanie and Cynthia... hm. I'm going with Stephanie, Cynthia looks just too trashy. She's well on the way to being super bleethed.
# posted by : 8:21 AM
: 8:21 AM
Cynthia is on her way to Stage 2 Bleeth, no cookie.
Sienna is on her way to Stage 1 Bleeth. Hmmm.
Ashlee has that annoying belly button jewelry shit, no girl next door would have that crap. Disqualified.
Stephanie is a bit plain-jane for my tastes but is the only one on this list who truly might be the girl next door.
Stephanie FTW.
Sienna is on her way to Stage 1 Bleeth. Hmmm.
Ashlee has that annoying belly button jewelry shit, no girl next door would have that crap. Disqualified.
Stephanie is a bit plain-jane for my tastes but is the only one on this list who truly might be the girl next door.
Stephanie FTW.
For me it's a toss up between Cynthia and Sienna, but because Cynthia is throwing down the gang signs I gotta go with Sienna FTW.
It's hard to tell on this one. Which is more important: "Girl Next Door" or "Hott"? If we're going "Girl Next Door," I think the award will have to go to Stephanie. If we're focused on the "Hott," then Cynthia takes it in a walk.
Given that the name of the site is "Hot Chicks with Douchebags," I must believe that we are supposed to take "Hott" into heavier consideration than the "Girl Next Door." After all, isn't "Girl Next Door" just a new label to allow us to objectify women in a slightly different way?
As such, I must cast my vote in the direction of the hottest hott in this category.
Cynthia ftw.
Given that the name of the site is "Hot Chicks with Douchebags," I must believe that we are supposed to take "Hott" into heavier consideration than the "Girl Next Door." After all, isn't "Girl Next Door" just a new label to allow us to objectify women in a slightly different way?
As such, I must cast my vote in the direction of the hottest hott in this category.
Cynthia ftw.
# posted by : 8:27 AM
: 8:27 AM
If Cynthia lived next door I'd stay up all night with my binoculars on my lap waiting for Orange Jeter's Camaro to pull into the driveway. Then just maybe while getting ready for bed she'd forget that the curtains were not drawn and she'd look out the window over the hedges and see me in all my lusty googlyness and she'd thrust the curtains closed in disgust.
Cytnhia FTW
Cytnhia FTW
# posted by : 8:33 AM
: 8:33 AM
Is it just me or does Lumpy, from Lumpy and Stephanie look like a mooked-out Samurai Scrote [ed: who should have his own TV Show] on holiday in Portofino?
# posted by : 8:41 AM
: 8:41 AM
This may be a losing vote, but I have to go with Ashlee. I feel it's important when voting for Hottest Next Door Hott to consider the "whore" factor. I believe that what DB1 says is true. Ashlee does go home for Thanksgiving and does study hard. And she would never, EVER have sex with a douchebag...or me for that matter. But the point is that she's not bleethed out in any way shape or form. She sets an example for all ladies.
# posted by : 8:47 AM
: 8:47 AM
Hmm, I conscientiously object to this category. "Next Door Hott" implies an "normal" girl, who happens to be hot. The type of girl you see pumping gas into a 1994 Honda Civic. A girl who works a late shift at Denny's to make rent each month. A girl who could, er, um, live next door. You know, "normal," but still hot.
Once it has become socially normative for the Next Door Hott to commingle with doucebags, we have failed. I cannot accept this.
Take Ashlee, for example. I forgive her for her poolside photo op with Simian Frank. She looks innocent and as perturbed by his flesh baggery as we are. So, we want to believe she's normal in the sense that her 'bagdar is set to detect scrote poo. BUT, then notice her other pictures. In the club. Notice. On the beach. Notice. Always surrounded by douche. And in every other picture, she looks at ease in their presence.
Troubling indeed.
By this logic I will vote for the hott - and make no mistake, they are all hot - who displays the most socially beneficial reaction to douche stank. It's Stephanie FTW!
Once it has become socially normative for the Next Door Hott to commingle with doucebags, we have failed. I cannot accept this.
Take Ashlee, for example. I forgive her for her poolside photo op with Simian Frank. She looks innocent and as perturbed by his flesh baggery as we are. So, we want to believe she's normal in the sense that her 'bagdar is set to detect scrote poo. BUT, then notice her other pictures. In the club. Notice. On the beach. Notice. Always surrounded by douche. And in every other picture, she looks at ease in their presence.
Troubling indeed.
By this logic I will vote for the hott - and make no mistake, they are all hot - who displays the most socially beneficial reaction to douche stank. It's Stephanie FTW!
# posted by : 8:48 AM
: 8:48 AM
Stephanie only because Cynthia is too bleeth to be next door. Stephanie has the grace to look embarassed.
# posted by : 8:50 AM
: 8:50 AM
Cynthia FTW. She reminds of that niece you haven't seen in 10 years, causing illegal thoughts to run through your head.
I'm just saying...
I'm just saying...
# posted by : 8:53 AM
: 8:53 AM
Stephanie, because she was so genuine and ernest when she chose my place as the first stop on the annual Girl Scout Taco sale.
"They come in several flavors and colors this year. You can have one with the works, or nice and clean like mine" she said, offering up her plump, juicy taco as a sample, "Would you like a bite?"
Oh Stephanie. Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie. You had me at demure side boob.
"They come in several flavors and colors this year. You can have one with the works, or nice and clean like mine" she said, offering up her plump, juicy taco as a sample, "Would you like a bite?"
Oh Stephanie. Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie. You had me at demure side boob.
Cynthia is doing something with her hands? I must have missed that the first time.
She still gets my vote. But only the first one counts.
And all you guys dissing the sideways peace sign would let her do that up your ass, and pay extra for it, if she'd let you.
Muthafuckas!
She still gets my vote. But only the first one counts.
And all you guys dissing the sideways peace sign would let her do that up your ass, and pay extra for it, if she'd let you.
Muthafuckas!
Cynthia by a country mile. I can't say I'm pleased by the sideways peace signs, but that's the thing about girls like her - they can get away with anything, even bleethness.
# posted by : 9:01 AM
: 9:01 AM 
Damn, I don't know who to pick. All are all kinds of fresh hott.
I guess I'll mark out Sienna, since she's really not girl-next-door hott but more exotic hott.
I'll mark off Stephanie because she appears to be too old to be the girl next door hott. Still smoking though.
That just leaves Cynthia and Ashlee. To be honest, Cynthia is hotter than Ashlee. But, Ashlee has that girl next door innocene and I bet she has freckles in the right places.
Cynthia reminds of the girl next door who will blow you after she gets home from Bible study. Ashlee is the girl next door who will blow you but you'll have to attend Bible study with her. I'll go with Ashlee. She's the purer of the two.
I guess I'll mark out Sienna, since she's really not girl-next-door hott but more exotic hott.
I'll mark off Stephanie because she appears to be too old to be the girl next door hott. Still smoking though.
That just leaves Cynthia and Ashlee. To be honest, Cynthia is hotter than Ashlee. But, Ashlee has that girl next door innocene and I bet she has freckles in the right places.
Cynthia reminds of the girl next door who will blow you after she gets home from Bible study. Ashlee is the girl next door who will blow you but you'll have to attend Bible study with her. I'll go with Ashlee. She's the purer of the two.
OK. We can rule out the last two right off the bat. They simply aren't in the same league of beauty/hottness as Cynthia and Sienna. They are B-level hotts.
My first instinct is to say Sienna right away. I am a brunette man. She is incredibly tasty and worthy of the award. Plus, with her hoop earrings and douchebagette hand gestures Cynthia looks like she's the "Girl Next Door" if you live in that house on JERSEY SHORE.
HOWEVER. And big HOWEVER. The second pic of Cynthia seals the deal for her. What a transformation in that (Halloween?) pic. Amazing.
Plus in both pics we see some leg, where as with Sienna we have to use our imagination. I hate using my imagination.
Cynthia FTW! (But ONLY if you post the solo pic. The pic with the hand gestures does NOT deserve a trophy attached to it!)
My first instinct is to say Sienna right away. I am a brunette man. She is incredibly tasty and worthy of the award. Plus, with her hoop earrings and douchebagette hand gestures Cynthia looks like she's the "Girl Next Door" if you live in that house on JERSEY SHORE.
HOWEVER. And big HOWEVER. The second pic of Cynthia seals the deal for her. What a transformation in that (Halloween?) pic. Amazing.
Plus in both pics we see some leg, where as with Sienna we have to use our imagination. I hate using my imagination.
Cynthia FTW! (But ONLY if you post the solo pic. The pic with the hand gestures does NOT deserve a trophy attached to it!)
# posted by : 9:09 AM
: 9:09 AM
Cynthia is a 'bagette. Girl next door fail. Also, as a blonde, she's not nearly as cute.
Ashlee, sorry, not nearly as hot as Sienna or Stephanie.
Stephanie FTW. Because she could hold up her end of the conversation with her friend Becca while pretending not to hear my feeble attempts to introduce myself at the bar.
Sorry, Sienna, those eyes are a bit too vacant.
-Douchetros Douchetros Ghali
Ashlee, sorry, not nearly as hot as Sienna or Stephanie.
Stephanie FTW. Because she could hold up her end of the conversation with her friend Becca while pretending not to hear my feeble attempts to introduce myself at the bar.
Sorry, Sienna, those eyes are a bit too vacant.
-Douchetros Douchetros Ghali
# posted by : 9:09 AM
: 9:09 AM
I- I don't know what to do.
I've pledged myself to Cynthia. I've taken sacred vows for Cynthia. I've ...eaten things... for Cynthia. I may or may not have killed for Cynthia. My will stipulates that my ashes be cut into the finest Colombian and mailed to Cynthia.
And yet, Sienna does things to me that would cause Cynthia to furrow her perfect brow. Her huge doe eyes and pristine cheeks are the stuff of Disney movies, and I want to do things to her that, if photographed, would get me arrested for defiling a national monument, even worse than Ozzy peeing on the Alamo. She is stunning. And Cynthia is not amused.
Oh, what to do what to do.
Sienna.
I'm going with Sienna, and God help my poor suffering ballsack when Cynthia finds out.
I've pledged myself to Cynthia. I've taken sacred vows for Cynthia. I've ...eaten things... for Cynthia. I may or may not have killed for Cynthia. My will stipulates that my ashes be cut into the finest Colombian and mailed to Cynthia.
And yet, Sienna does things to me that would cause Cynthia to furrow her perfect brow. Her huge doe eyes and pristine cheeks are the stuff of Disney movies, and I want to do things to her that, if photographed, would get me arrested for defiling a national monument, even worse than Ozzy peeing on the Alamo. She is stunning. And Cynthia is not amused.
Oh, what to do what to do.
Sienna.
I'm going with Sienna, and God help my poor suffering ballsack when Cynthia finds out.
Oh Stephanie. I've been waiting for her to appear. She was one of my favorite hotts of the year.
She wins my vote by a mile.
She wins my vote by a mile.
# posted by : 9:16 AM
: 9:16 AM
Look closely at Cynthia. I don't want you to focus on her hands, look lower. Do you see that? Do you see her legs? Now, consider that when casting your vote.
Agreed, Joe Smith!
I mean are you serious, people?
Wow, I just don't understand the love for Stephanie. She actually looks pretty busted to me. Her face seems to have been caught in a nice smile, sure - but I personally don't think it would hold up consistently if there were other pics. Her body is old, agree that it's mom-like, and maybe even showing the first signs of sag and decay. Luckily for her she's wearing black.
I mean are you serious, people?
Wow, I just don't understand the love for Stephanie. She actually looks pretty busted to me. Her face seems to have been caught in a nice smile, sure - but I personally don't think it would hold up consistently if there were other pics. Her body is old, agree that it's mom-like, and maybe even showing the first signs of sag and decay. Luckily for her she's wearing black.
# posted by : 9:25 AM
: 9:25 AM
Captain has bailed on Cynthia because , like in the original thread, she is with me due to the extra mile I went for her.
Also, she was on one of my favorite other websites, Barstool Sports.com , as a local Smokeshow.
CLICK : Cynthia FTW
Thank you, Viagra....
Also, she was on one of my favorite other websites, Barstool Sports.com , as a local Smokeshow.
CLICK : Cynthia FTW
Thank you, Viagra....
Gotta b Cynthia
Stephanie could do some major damage to me too... And spanking Ashlee would become our new national pasttime
But I'm going w/ Cynthia
Stephanie could do some major damage to me too... And spanking Ashlee would become our new national pasttime
But I'm going w/ Cynthia
# posted by : 9:40 AM
: 9:40 AM
Cynthia, in a landslide. Allegations of Bleeth are unfounded and false, and I love you Cynthia.
Cynthia FTW
Cynthia FTW
# posted by : 9:47 AM
: 9:47 AM
Cynthia is one of the most scorching hot pieces of tail I've ever seen on this site, but in no way shape or form should she be eligible for this category.
She's making douchey hand gestures and wearing a cleavage baring top and the tiniest of short shorts. She's hot, and she knows it. (I don't know how anyone could not know it - they'd need to be *severely* mentally impaired.) This is not "girl next door" hott. This is just.. hott.
Ashlee FTW. She is all that is sweet and innocence. Cynthia is a lucky break away from being a swimsuit model.
Also Cynthia is 20 times hotter as a brunette. It's not even close.
She's making douchey hand gestures and wearing a cleavage baring top and the tiniest of short shorts. She's hot, and she knows it. (I don't know how anyone could not know it - they'd need to be *severely* mentally impaired.) This is not "girl next door" hott. This is just.. hott.
Ashlee FTW. She is all that is sweet and innocence. Cynthia is a lucky break away from being a swimsuit model.
Also Cynthia is 20 times hotter as a brunette. It's not even close.
Sienna. I'd warm her up so much that she'd be "Burnt Sienna" when I was done.
And, because DB1 said: "But Sienna is a complex kaleidoscope of stained glass goodnesss."
Yes, she's that hot that she gets 3 esses in 'goodnesss'.
And, because DB1 said: "But Sienna is a complex kaleidoscope of stained glass goodnesss."
Yes, she's that hot that she gets 3 esses in 'goodnesss'.
# posted by : 9:49 AM
: 9:49 AM
Sienna. I'd warm her up so much that she'd be "Burnt Sienna" when I was done.
And, because DB1 said: "But Sienna is a complex kaleidoscope of stained glass goodnesss."
Yes, she's that hot that she gets 3 esses in 'goodnesss'.
And, because DB1 said: "But Sienna is a complex kaleidoscope of stained glass goodnesss."
Yes, she's that hot that she gets 3 esses in 'goodnesss'.
# posted by : 9:49 AM
: 9:49 AM
VD, nice link. But here in trailer park, we set our sights a little lower. For example
here is our little girl next door.
She won the coveted 2009 Queen of Manufactured Housing award.
here is our little girl next door.
She won the coveted 2009 Queen of Manufactured Housing award.
Dammit all to hell! It appears that I came to a conclusion before even gathering my thoughts (hey, that pretty much explains my sexual performance, too!).
Had I seen more of those pics on BSS that Vin Douchal posted, I'd have DQ'd Cynthia on account of her professional status. Just look at that same pose in every. fucking. picture. She's not 100% bleeth, but easily 75% and she just KNOWS how cute/hott she looks in a cutoff Pats tee-shirt. GND hotts are never so willing to show off their body, nor are they proud of using it to get all the attention everywhere they go! Cynthia does, and is. This girl probably could've been in contention for Most Expensive First Date, 'cause she's effing hot and she knows it. Now, hottest hott of the year? Cynthia by a mile. But I've just revoked her GND status.
So if I may, honorable DB1, I'd like to swap my choices and go with Stephanie FTW. She's soft and tender, kinda shy, and would look great with-or-without makeup. All of the above make for a delightful GND hott, and Stephanie is a shining example thereof.
(-1) Cynthia
(+1) Stephanie
Had I seen more of those pics on BSS that Vin Douchal posted, I'd have DQ'd Cynthia on account of her professional status. Just look at that same pose in every. fucking. picture. She's not 100% bleeth, but easily 75% and she just KNOWS how cute/hott she looks in a cutoff Pats tee-shirt. GND hotts are never so willing to show off their body, nor are they proud of using it to get all the attention everywhere they go! Cynthia does, and is. This girl probably could've been in contention for Most Expensive First Date, 'cause she's effing hot and she knows it. Now, hottest hott of the year? Cynthia by a mile. But I've just revoked her GND status.
So if I may, honorable DB1, I'd like to swap my choices and go with Stephanie FTW. She's soft and tender, kinda shy, and would look great with-or-without makeup. All of the above make for a delightful GND hott, and Stephanie is a shining example thereof.
(-1) Cynthia
(+1) Stephanie
# posted by : 10:04 AM
: 10:04 AM
Wait a minute people. Cythia is hott like fire. But, when does the "girl next door" hang out in bars and throw sideways hand gestures? Damn the bar has really been dropped low for this category.
Girl next door has nothing to do with how hott but how hott and innocent.
Girl next door has nothing to do with how hott but how hott and innocent.
Judging by Vin's link, Cynthia has morphed into one of those beauty queen types. You know the ones, you wouldn't even be able to tell them apart if it wasn't for the sash.
Thus solidifying my vote for Sienna. Thank you and good night.
Thus solidifying my vote for Sienna. Thank you and good night.
Stephanie might not be girl next door, but she is hauntingly beautiful from any angle and makes me think of peeling bananas on the beach in Ivory Coast
There can be only one- and it begins with S and T
There can be only one- and it begins with S and T
# posted by : 10:54 AM
: 10:54 AM
Don't listen to the hatters, Cynthia. You can move in next door to me any fuccen time. And throw the double peace out at me over the fence daily....while you are sunbathing in a g-string by the pool.
Hey, it's a small dream, but it's my own.
Disclaimer:
Not to be construed as an extra vote.
Hey, it's a small dream, but it's my own.
Disclaimer:
Not to be construed as an extra vote.
To me this is a tossup between Cynthia and Ashlee.
First we have Cynthia. Corn-fed goodness of a sort that would make even them Duke boys hetero. Yee Haa! She makes me wish I too was born in a barn!
Second we have little Ashlee. Like a poor frightened robin chick who has tumbled out of the nest, she needs protection and nurturing to prevent capture by predators like Fratbag Fred (shown on page). A poor frightened chick also has a cute little navel piercing that I would nuzzle with my tongue until I went crazy and would have to dive straight into her Brazilian waxed goodness!
Ashlee for the win. I still long for the innocence of Halo Angel, though.
First we have Cynthia. Corn-fed goodness of a sort that would make even them Duke boys hetero. Yee Haa! She makes me wish I too was born in a barn!
Second we have little Ashlee. Like a poor frightened robin chick who has tumbled out of the nest, she needs protection and nurturing to prevent capture by predators like Fratbag Fred (shown on page). A poor frightened chick also has a cute little navel piercing that I would nuzzle with my tongue until I went crazy and would have to dive straight into her Brazilian waxed goodness!
Ashlee for the win. I still long for the innocence of Halo Angel, though.
# posted by : 12:10 PM
: 12:10 PM
Cynthia = Bleeth.
Sienna = Crazy Eyes.
Ashlee = DQ'd for being at Rehab.
Stephanie = All sorts of GND goodness.
Stephanie FTW!
Sienna = Crazy Eyes.
Ashlee = DQ'd for being at Rehab.
Stephanie = All sorts of GND goodness.
Stephanie FTW!
I just realized something. Cynthia looks like my wife's niece, who is also 18 and now knocked up.
Ashlee is built for speed, like a Prius.
Ashlee FTW.
Ashlee is built for speed, like a Prius.
Ashlee FTW.
# posted by : 12:17 PM
: 12:17 PM
Stephanie needs to take this one. She has the appropriate uneasy look in the presence of Lumpy the choad, and her boobies are magnificent. As a matter of fact, I may have suggested her for the Hall of Hott. I'd put her there in a heartbeat, for she is lovely and quite the dollop of honey.
As much as I want to vote for Sienna, I kind of feel like she would only be the girl next door if you lived in a gated community. Stephanie FTW. She looks like the kind of stand-up dame who would pretend that you weren't checking her out while she sunbathed in the backyard while you pretend to fix your lawnmower as long as you were a decent enough guy. I mean look at how she's dealing with Lumpy.
# posted by : 12:27 PM
: 12:27 PM
This one is easy. Cynthia FTW! I don't understand why the other girls are getting votes. It has to be that the people voting for girls other than Cynthia are just HaTTerZ.
# posted by : 1:00 PM
: 1:00 PM
Ashlee, on my face you must reside. The Force is strong in my loins! Pick Ashlee I do, and by pick I mean fitting my head between her shapely buttocks.
# posted by : 1:18 PM
: 1:18 PM
This is my favorite category, because its what Exzibit would do:
Yo Dawg we put hot chicks on yo hot chicks with douchebags site so you can look at hot chicks while you look at hot chicks...
Cynthia FTW (For The Wacking Session)
Yo Dawg we put hot chicks on yo hot chicks with douchebags site so you can look at hot chicks while you look at hot chicks...
Cynthia FTW (For The Wacking Session)
Cynthia FTW. I actually think Sienna is hotter, but she doesn't have that "girl next door look" so I'm DQing her from my voting.
# posted by : 1:44 PM
: 1:44 PM
Number Four. That face has "girl next door" all over it. In the cheeks. In the eyebrows. In the nostrils. You know it to be true.
I was about to vote Stephanie in agreement with Dr. DB that she is the only true GND. Then I looked at back at Cynthia and I hesitated and when I say hesitated I mean short shorts.
I scrolled down looking at others posts and then I clicked on Vin's link..... that's when I fainted. When I came to atop my keyboard was a slip of paper and on it written in calligraphy
Cynthia, yum.
Who am I to deny the cosmic forces their delights?
Cynthia FTW
I scrolled down looking at others posts and then I clicked on Vin's link..... that's when I fainted. When I came to atop my keyboard was a slip of paper and on it written in calligraphy
Cynthia, yum.
Who am I to deny the cosmic forces their delights?
Cynthia FTW
Though close between cynth and steph, for girl next door, it's gotta be
STEPHANIE
STEPHANIE
# posted by : 2:01 PM
: 2:01 PM
since shiny head sheldon already drugged, raped and dismembered my sweet sweet doe eyed sienna, i'll have to vote for cynthia because i like daisy dukes better than decaying corpses.
Ashlee. Cynthia is, if I may say, a Cynthetic girl-next-door. And as said by someone else, girls-next-door don't make stupid signs with both hands.
Whereas Ashlee is the real thing. In fact, all three of the other contestants look like the kind of girls who would hang out with douchebags.
Hey wait a sec . . .
Whereas Ashlee is the real thing. In fact, all three of the other contestants look like the kind of girls who would hang out with douchebags.
Hey wait a sec . . .
# posted by : 2:19 PM
: 2:19 PM
Cynthia *barely* beats Stephanie, primarily because she's younger. Also her douche is slightly douchier.
This was a tough one, my liege. This was a tough one.
Cynthia.
This was a tough one, my liege. This was a tough one.
Cynthia.
# posted by : 3:37 PM
: 3:37 PM
Cynthia in a landslide brought us down where I would stay down forever and ever
# posted by : 3:41 PM
: 3:41 PM
Stephanie FTW, because of her embarrassed smile, her discomfort being so close to Lumpy, and her oh so magnificent mammaries.
Cynthia looks a little to dukes of hazzard for my liking though I too would gnaw and nuzzle. Maybe its Jeter's orange glow that's turning me off? I love Sienna but I cant think of her as the girl next door, she looks to mysterious and perhaps a little naughty. Stephanie is cute but hard to tell from the pic if she is girl next door type. That brings me to Ashlee, she is wholesome, sweet, tanned and she is is a lovely brunette and is indeed the girl of my dreams. Unfortunately my life experience is that, 9 times out of 10, girls like her go for bulging chin strapped frattchoads like Franky here. Ashlee for the win.
Cynthia,
I'd let her yank on my tit until milk came out in that little farm girl outfit.
I'd let her yank on my tit until milk came out in that little farm girl outfit.
# posted by : 4:21 PM
: 4:21 PM
Cynthia.
First, because she has an awesome name.
Second, that ponytail is sexy-cute.
Third, because she gives me wood, and I'm a chick.
First, because she has an awesome name.
Second, that ponytail is sexy-cute.
Third, because she gives me wood, and I'm a chick.
Ashlee all the way.
Tiny Sienna has the crazy eyes. You can tell she's destined to make some poor bastards life miserable.
Cynthia is already starting to Bleeth. Fast forward to today and she's already sporting a back tatt and welding shield.
Tiny Sienna has the crazy eyes. You can tell she's destined to make some poor bastards life miserable.
Cynthia is already starting to Bleeth. Fast forward to today and she's already sporting a back tatt and welding shield.
# posted by : 5:10 PM
: 5:10 PM
Cynthia FTW!!!!
Im pretty sure very few votes for HC's require a double monitor wipe and a keyboard cleansing during mid posting <---for cynthia thats an understatement
Im pretty sure very few votes for HC's require a double monitor wipe and a keyboard cleansing during mid posting <---for cynthia thats an understatement
# posted by : 9:32 PM
: 9:32 PM
Stephanie for the win. She looks like the kind of girl who would pause, smile that smile, and put her hand over her mouth for a second before she went down on you with enthusiasm. I'm in love.
# posted by : 9:33 PM
: 9:33 PM
Work hacked into every inch of my nerves today like a blind Jack the Ripper performing on an absinthe addicted working girl. Nevertheless, as the addicted working girl I feel like after being worked over by thankless clients, I must hold my chin steady and cast my vote.
And that vote will go, as has consistently been the case at this year's Douchies, for a loser. And that loser is Stephanie. Far and away the best 'Next Door Hott' of the bunch in my opinion.
Steph, if your reading this, you can console me, also being a loser, and betwixt the two negatives of us, we shalt create a positive.
And by 'positive,' I mean premature ejaculation.
And that vote will go, as has consistently been the case at this year's Douchies, for a loser. And that loser is Stephanie. Far and away the best 'Next Door Hott' of the bunch in my opinion.
Steph, if your reading this, you can console me, also being a loser, and betwixt the two negatives of us, we shalt create a positive.
And by 'positive,' I mean premature ejaculation.
I pick Stephanie. She looks more wholesome, more boobie, and lately I've just sorta been into Stephanies...a whole string of them...so I figure it might as well continue.
Ashlee FTW.
that being said, there's no fucking way she studied hard for all of her classes. that's why she's the girl next door that drives you nuts. in more ways than one.
that being said, there's no fucking way she studied hard for all of her classes. that's why she's the girl next door that drives you nuts. in more ways than one.
They all have that air of "about to be devoured by unholy doucheness". Ashlee's plaid bikini may well have been sewed by her grandmother. Sienna's "come hither" eyebrow may well have been plucked by her older sister. Cynthia's cut-off shorts trimmed her mom, and all their teeth whitening paid for by their doting dad.
But what the GNDH does is to make a picture that smells bad smell like floral talcum powder. So, Stephanie does the most to reverse the stench of her milieu. Also I lived next door to a girl named Stephanie once.
--VS
But what the GNDH does is to make a picture that smells bad smell like floral talcum powder. So, Stephanie does the most to reverse the stench of her milieu. Also I lived next door to a girl named Stephanie once.
--VS
cynthia's too bleethed out, the girl next door knows ther'e's more to rock paper scissors than just scissors, sienna is too "runner up for most expensive first date" and stephanie is a close runner up to the runner up... ashlee just met this guy on her spring break with her friends that she's there to be the "responsible one" for... she thinks he's a nice guy, she'll learn when the goose lands... poor ashlee... poor sweet beautiful innocent girl-next-door ashlee...
# posted by : 6:57 AM
: 6:57 AM
Short on time and wish I could read all the comments, I'm sure they're a riot. However, I'm going with Ashlee. The other three are hanging out in bars, dressed rather provocatively, and especially with number 1, acting Bleethy. Ashlee is giving me that total Mary Anne from Gilligan's Island thing. And Mary Anne was the one we all masturbated over, Ginger was a high-maintenance, overmade tramp.
Ashlee FTW and by that I mean my Fingers are Totally Wet.
I don't know how it happened, either. Honest.
Ashlee FTW and by that I mean my Fingers are Totally Wet.
I don't know how it happened, either. Honest.
I have to go with Cynthia. It's not that she is necessarily hotter than the others, but just looks less likely (based upon appearances of the DBs for each hott) to have an STD. And for me, that goes a long way.
Sienna. There's a look in those doe eyes that says there's hope for redemption.
# posted by : 11:55 AM
: 11:55 AM
I rescind my vote for Cynthia. Yes, Cynthia is still cute enough to buy at a Sanrio store, but when I ask myself who I'd cast to play Mary Ann in my Gilligan's Island remake, I have to go with Stephanie.
It's a good remake, too. Stephanie as Mary Ann, The Eiffel Towers as Ginger, Dewey Hott as Mrs. Howell and everyone else drowned when the Minnow capsized. The Island is played by my pants.
It's a good remake, too. Stephanie as Mary Ann, The Eiffel Towers as Ginger, Dewey Hott as Mrs. Howell and everyone else drowned when the Minnow capsized. The Island is played by my pants.
poor cynthia. not only is she the hottest of the bunch, she's also the girl-next-door-est of the bunch. and it is that sad, innocent joy in life that allows her to be misled by a douche, or douches, of great magnitude. others have claimed she's on her way to bleethdom, and they may well be right. note the true joy in her smile is undercut slightly with, could it be, cynicism? her hand gesture, just a shade too believable. please, for the love of god, let us save her from bleethdom by voting her hottest girl next door.
# posted by : 3:57 PM
: 3:57 PM
I'd have to go with Stephanie, but why wasn't Ophelia from August a contender?! She's got major girl next door cuteness
# posted by : 8:40 PM
: 8:40 PM
Goin' with the Cynthia here, even though she is clearly bleethed to at least a Stage II (see douchey hand gestures). She is still damned cute.
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: 8:57 PM << Home
