Friday, December 18, 2009
Hottest Hotts of the Year: Rachelle and Clarissa
I was gonna do a two-hott sapphic faceoff, but ran out of time on the calendar as the 2009 Douchies wind down. So we're going with a co-award. Two winning Hotts of the Year.
Although if you'd like to vote your preference, we can do an informal vote in the thread.
Hottest Hott of the Year #1: Waxy McBrow's Rachelle

Barely beating out Josephine in a four boob race, Rachelle's curves snuck in and stole the prize.
Don't forget the run of pics with Waxy and Goose and Waxy and Co.
Curves so good, they's redonkulous. Curves so good, I just used the word "redonkulous," causing Merriam to sucker-punch Webster in the nadsack.
Justin: Rachelle is primo delicioso. Lines of coke appear magically on her thigh as if laid out by tiny Colombian/liliputians (look at the pic). Pretty, sexy, and probably a little bitchy, she is the best hott in this bracket.
HusslinHoosier: Rachelle, I want to use her mounds as a pickle polisher.
Snoop Douchey Bagg: Rachelle looks like a stripper, but with those mamms, well, goddammit I just don't care. Rachelle FTW
notadouche: Rachelle. She makes me thirsty.
Archidouchies: I'm going with Rachelle because she, unlike Minnie, doesn't go for a man with a shaven groin. So I got that going for me.
Maxim Kovalenko: Rachelle, who looks neither pre-cancerous, or too surgically enhanced, FTW. And the fact that she hasn't been proved to be a total idiot helps her cause too.
Well done, people. And since the voters required a second round of hott voting, we also have:
Hottest Hott of the Year #2: Super Baggio's Clarissa

With a three pic run, beginning in late July, then a Friday Haiku, and then 'Baggio's response (pictured here), Clarissa ran the gauntlet of high class west coast hottitude.
Barely beating out the surging (and Hall of Hott appealing) single pic'd Mariah, and with Charleez and Francine splitting the spankable blonde ticket, Clarissa explains it all.
Sergeant Scrote Stain: This is a fine grouping of semifinalists, each with their own buxom merit. But alas, I am only one man, with only one vote, and that vote goes to Clarissa. Her beauty would send me into a catatonic episode characterized by the muttering of incoherent swear words and profuse drooling if she so much as looked me in the eyes. That means she's hott. Very hott. Autism inducing hott, which is the hottest type of hott.
massengill: Can't believe I forgot about Super Baggio's Clarissa. Clarissa FTW.
toddjerad: Based on hot chick standards alone, there is no way clarissa is not the hands down winner. She's like a perfect cross between a fake boobied jessica simpson and a baby fawn drinking from the fountain of nirvana. The others are gorgeous, but there can be only one clarissa.
Skyler: Clarissa. I'm motivated by Super Baggio's almost nottadouche qualities, which makes me think all the more of her. Oh, and boobies.
Wheezer: Clarissa Extends Them All - you know what I mean by "extends." But give all the hotts a celebratory Pumpy boob grab. They all deserve such a participation trophy.
This is one of those categories where we're all winners. And by winners, I mean boobies.
Although if you'd like to vote your preference, we can do an informal vote in the thread.
Hottest Hott of the Year #1: Waxy McBrow's Rachelle

Barely beating out Josephine in a four boob race, Rachelle's curves snuck in and stole the prize.
Don't forget the run of pics with Waxy and Goose and Waxy and Co.
Curves so good, they's redonkulous. Curves so good, I just used the word "redonkulous," causing Merriam to sucker-punch Webster in the nadsack.
Justin: Rachelle is primo delicioso. Lines of coke appear magically on her thigh as if laid out by tiny Colombian/liliputians (look at the pic). Pretty, sexy, and probably a little bitchy, she is the best hott in this bracket.
HusslinHoosier: Rachelle, I want to use her mounds as a pickle polisher.
Snoop Douchey Bagg: Rachelle looks like a stripper, but with those mamms, well, goddammit I just don't care. Rachelle FTW
notadouche: Rachelle. She makes me thirsty.
Archidouchies: I'm going with Rachelle because she, unlike Minnie, doesn't go for a man with a shaven groin. So I got that going for me.
Maxim Kovalenko: Rachelle, who looks neither pre-cancerous, or too surgically enhanced, FTW. And the fact that she hasn't been proved to be a total idiot helps her cause too.
Well done, people. And since the voters required a second round of hott voting, we also have:
Hottest Hott of the Year #2: Super Baggio's Clarissa

With a three pic run, beginning in late July, then a Friday Haiku, and then 'Baggio's response (pictured here), Clarissa ran the gauntlet of high class west coast hottitude.
Barely beating out the surging (and Hall of Hott appealing) single pic'd Mariah, and with Charleez and Francine splitting the spankable blonde ticket, Clarissa explains it all.
Sergeant Scrote Stain: This is a fine grouping of semifinalists, each with their own buxom merit. But alas, I am only one man, with only one vote, and that vote goes to Clarissa. Her beauty would send me into a catatonic episode characterized by the muttering of incoherent swear words and profuse drooling if she so much as looked me in the eyes. That means she's hott. Very hott. Autism inducing hott, which is the hottest type of hott.
massengill: Can't believe I forgot about Super Baggio's Clarissa. Clarissa FTW.
toddjerad: Based on hot chick standards alone, there is no way clarissa is not the hands down winner. She's like a perfect cross between a fake boobied jessica simpson and a baby fawn drinking from the fountain of nirvana. The others are gorgeous, but there can be only one clarissa.
Skyler: Clarissa. I'm motivated by Super Baggio's almost nottadouche qualities, which makes me think all the more of her. Oh, and boobies.
Wheezer: Clarissa Extends Them All - you know what I mean by "extends." But give all the hotts a celebratory Pumpy boob grab. They all deserve such a participation trophy.
This is one of those categories where we're all winners. And by winners, I mean boobies.
Comments:
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DB1 may call Rachelle and Clarissa the winners but, in reality, we are the winners here.
PS. Francine, I know you're feeling down from the loss. *Call me* We'll talk. (Or rather, you can do all the talking 'cause I'll likely be fondling myself and breathing heavily into the phone.)
PS. Francine, I know you're feeling down from the loss. *Call me* We'll talk. (Or rather, you can do all the talking 'cause I'll likely be fondling myself and breathing heavily into the phone.)
Interesting results. I haven't been around as much lately (stupid work), but I expected other hotts to dominate.
Not that there's a damn thing wrong with these hotts.
And allow me to start the campaign: Mariah for HoH!
Not that there's a damn thing wrong with these hotts.
And allow me to start the campaign: Mariah for HoH!
I feel like we are reliving the Ireland/France soccer game in which the Irish were robbed of a chance to go to the world cup because of a blown call... Mariah is the Irish.
I will say that Clarissa is hot, but more in an insect looking way; what, I don't even know what that means... Mariah practically has a halo above her head.
*sigh*
Although I do agree with Bagnonymous that we all are winners here
I will say that Clarissa is hot, but more in an insect looking way; what, I don't even know what that means... Mariah practically has a halo above her head.
*sigh*
Although I do agree with Bagnonymous that we all are winners here
Mia Sara Hott still has me panting heavily from last year. I say "meh" to these girls in comparison.
And by meh I mean fwap.
Is Nub going to win a Douchie this year?
And by meh I mean fwap.
Is Nub going to win a Douchie this year?
Oh, good, so we don't have to vote. I was starting to hyperventilate over the thought of having to pick only one.
There can be only one!
Or in this case, two.
There can be only one!
Or in this case, two.
Rachelle, my sweet thing
I would wax your boobs all day
By wax I mean *fwap*
But wait Clarissa
You can join the party too
If your hair is blonde
I would wax your boobs all day
By wax I mean *fwap*
But wait Clarissa
You can join the party too
If your hair is blonde
Now I want to see a pic of Super B. bitch-slapping Waxy while Clarissa & Rachelle make out in the foreground.
WTF, if 'Lil Pimpie can do it.......
WTF, if 'Lil Pimpie can do it.......
Holy Cow, I'm udderly startled that TWO, not one, but TWO take the win. But then, Boobies do come in pairs.
Congrats to the brunette and the blonde. Both Rachelle and Clarissa are highly deserving.
And by highly deserving I mean ERECTOR SETS and HOOTER HALTERS.
And by ERECTOR SETS and HOOTER HALTERS, I mean Christmas toys and their containers.
Congrats to the brunette and the blonde. Both Rachelle and Clarissa are highly deserving.
And by highly deserving I mean ERECTOR SETS and HOOTER HALTERS.
And by ERECTOR SETS and HOOTER HALTERS, I mean Christmas toys and their containers.
#1 How can fake tits look flabby? Those puppies are fallin' quite a ways when that girdle-thing comes off.
#2 Too long upper-arm Yuck. No on both.
#2 Too long upper-arm Yuck. No on both.
These two are a serious disgrace. Maria 4-Ever! I hope 2010 offers some hotter goddamn hotts for Christ's sake.
With bleach and boob job
I too can win this, just like
Britney Spears' big sis
Clarissa supreme?
Methinks she can't compare to
Her predecessors
I wax Sapphicly
When I gaze at Hall of Hott
But Rachelle's rack rules!
I too can win this, just like
Britney Spears' big sis
Clarissa supreme?
Methinks she can't compare to
Her predecessors
I wax Sapphicly
When I gaze at Hall of Hott
But Rachelle's rack rules!
Seriously, none of these hotts compares even remotely to Mia Sarah Hott. Was there a premium on silicone?
First Crimson Ted gets ousted by that bo-ring Gator wannabe E-blo. Then Cynthia gets relegated to the next door hot category.
I sense potential for a mutiny.
First Crimson Ted gets ousted by that bo-ring Gator wannabe E-blo. Then Cynthia gets relegated to the next door hot category.
I sense potential for a mutiny.
Poor Josephine and Mariah, trumped by two big bags of boob plastic and by some Britney clone. I am losing faith in the HCwDB readership.
Crimson Ted weeps in the corner for this travesty.
Crimson Ted weeps in the corner for this travesty.
Shut the fuck up!
I'm trying to fuccen sleep.
God damn my head hurts.
Sorry team, the ol' drinky drink made me a bad person. Again. Yeah, it's the booze's fault. I'll get back to you in a couple hours. Fuck me, I feel like excriment.
I'm trying to fuccen sleep.
God damn my head hurts.
Sorry team, the ol' drinky drink made me a bad person. Again. Yeah, it's the booze's fault. I'll get back to you in a couple hours. Fuck me, I feel like excriment.
I concur: another vote for Mariah into HoH! She is a magnificent specimen; well deserving of a direct link off the main page for future reference. And by "reference" I mean....
Aww fuck it, I'm just too worn out right now. Between Francine and all the Hott brackets, I just got nuthin' left.
Aww fuck it, I'm just too worn out right now. Between Francine and all the Hott brackets, I just got nuthin' left.
@ Thorax 9:21 am
Even better--first orgasm loses. That way we can assure they'll be munching the bejeezus out of each other.
Damn.. it looks like I just lost. In my pants.
Even better--first orgasm loses. That way we can assure they'll be munching the bejeezus out of each other.
Damn.. it looks like I just lost. In my pants.
@'Bagnonymous
And when I read the line "I wax Sapphicly" by Summer's Eve, I too lost a valiant battle in my slacks.
Who knew that losing could be so much fun?
And by 'fun,' I mean sticky mess.
And when I read the line "I wax Sapphicly" by Summer's Eve, I too lost a valiant battle in my slacks.
Who knew that losing could be so much fun?
And by 'fun,' I mean sticky mess.
Any of you fuckers out there that think you can play guitar, watch
THIS
Alber Lee. He really takes off around 1:50.
He's 66 years old. Get out to the shed and practice you little bitches.
THIS
Alber Lee. He really takes off around 1:50.
He's 66 years old. Get out to the shed and practice you little bitches.
I'd prefer Rachel, as Clarissa has this "Expensive First Date" aura around her. She looks to be much higher maintenance. Rachel's got humungous bewbies and knows it, but other than that doesn't seem to be very insecure about it.
I doubt that either of them could explain the difference between a paralepsis and an apophasis.
Hell, they'd probably be stumped naming the first president of the USA.
I doubt that either of them could explain the difference between a paralepsis and an apophasis.
Hell, they'd probably be stumped naming the first president of the USA.
Wow TERRIBLE CHOICES. Of the plethora of hotts this year these two dont even crack my top 25. Shame on DB1 for nominating them and shame on the rest of you for having whorish taste and voting for them
@Anon's Rule
Can you explain the difference between paralepsis and an apophasis?
Because I sure as hell don't know.
Can you explain the difference between paralepsis and an apophasis?
Because I sure as hell don't know.
@Vin Douchal^
I encourage you to pursue your time with Francine with your eyes open for if you had, you would have noted that your cock was in fact not in her luscious, warm, welcoming and award winning mouth; mine was.
That would put your cock somewhere else entirely.
Now, if it had been anyone's elses but yours...
I encourage you to pursue your time with Francine with your eyes open for if you had, you would have noted that your cock was in fact not in her luscious, warm, welcoming and award winning mouth; mine was.
That would put your cock somewhere else entirely.
Now, if it had been anyone's elses but yours...
@Bagnonymous and Vin Douchal^
There will be no pacts regarding Francine without reserving a seat at the, well, the seat, for me.
I suggest a Try-Partite pact in which each of us gets to try each part as often as possible until it's no longer tite. At which point we'll declare an assfistice and hold a series of NuremBoob trials to painstakingly review all video and photos taken by our pro-poo-ganda ministries.
We'll be forever known as the Asses of Evil.
There will be no pacts regarding Francine without reserving a seat at the, well, the seat, for me.
I suggest a Try-Partite pact in which each of us gets to try each part as often as possible until it's no longer tite. At which point we'll declare an assfistice and hold a series of NuremBoob trials to painstakingly review all video and photos taken by our pro-poo-ganda ministries.
We'll be forever known as the Asses of Evil.
Congrats ladies, but I would still take Francine on a five day tour of the Cinque Terre, one for each terra.
And by the Cinque Terre, I mean my mom's basement. And by five day tour I mean four minutes of undressing and thirty seconds of passionate, convulsive, love making.
And by the Cinque Terre, I mean my mom's basement. And by five day tour I mean four minutes of undressing and thirty seconds of passionate, convulsive, love making.
sorry for the typo. It's paralipsis.
One should learn these rhetorical devices. I did. In eighth grade. I guess I got a good education. But I was in Advanced Placement English, not like anyone can tell from my insane alcohol fueled meanderings.
Here's the Scoop.
Party here at work at 2. Counting the minutes...
One should learn these rhetorical devices. I did. In eighth grade. I guess I got a good education. But I was in Advanced Placement English, not like anyone can tell from my insane alcohol fueled meanderings.
Here's the Scoop.
Party here at work at 2. Counting the minutes...
The mediocrity of the hotts, Clarissa and Rachel, indicate a depressing lack of discernment on the part of the readership, a fact of such obviousness it requires no mention.
We needn't talk about how lame Clarissa the Triumph Stag in a girl suit, or Rachel, the inflatable Jewess, are as Winners of the Hott of the Year distinction.
We needn't talk about how lame Clarissa the Triumph Stag in a girl suit, or Rachel, the inflatable Jewess, are as Winners of the Hott of the Year distinction.
Correct, my mistake. Either part of that dual persona is fairly pretentious. What is even more amusing is that the original poster's statement is neither a paralipsis nor an apophasis.
@ Vin Douchal 9:51
What I remember from the 2008 Crossroads concert most is Jeff Beck's hottie bass player Tal Wilkenfeld...
What I remember from the 2008 Crossroads concert most is Jeff Beck's hottie bass player Tal Wilkenfeld...
I no longer remember whether it was Francine or Charleez that I had an unhealthy obsession with. I know I was supposed to start stalking one of them, but I forget which one.
Man, what a year.
Man, what a year.
I'm a flummoxed over the paradox represented by Waxy McBrow's waxed eye brows and his hairy-like-a-yak forearms.
Hopefully, in 2010 Waxy will take a more serious, holistic approach to his manscaping habits and start shaving his forearms.
I shudder to think what his back must look like....
Hopefully, in 2010 Waxy will take a more serious, holistic approach to his manscaping habits and start shaving his forearms.
I shudder to think what his back must look like....
Rachelle. Despite it's popularity in the comments it seems quartasian hottness has been underrepresented in the Douchies.
Also boobies!
Also boobies!
Clarissa deserved that. She is so hot I honestly give Baggio a pass for the douchey flip-off. Having a girl like that, he DESERVES to tell us "fuck you". He IS better than us.
meh if i have to vote i'd vote Clarissa. at least she has that Jessica Alba vibe going for her. and Jessica Alba is pretty bleethy (but not as dumb-bimbo bleethy as Rachelle).
Mariah was the hottest hott. I always vote boobies but this time Mariah was just perfect.
Francine looks like a fat skank in some of her pics (not that there is anything wrong with that). These winning hotts are a dime a dozen around here (Dollywood Country). Long live the South.
Francine looks like a fat skank in some of her pics (not that there is anything wrong with that). These winning hotts are a dime a dozen around here (Dollywood Country). Long live the South.
DB1, What happened to our campaign for our beloved angel Mariah in the HOH?
I can not stop from 'coming' back to her. She needs HOH status and some 2010 action. I can never give up my love and quest for the hott that is Mariah.
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I can not stop from 'coming' back to her. She needs HOH status and some 2010 action. I can never give up my love and quest for the hott that is Mariah.
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