Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Orangest Orange
We've had an epic run of Orangebaggery this year, and this category was nearly impossible to cull down to four tangerine finalists. But cull I must.
Here's your finalists:
Orangest Orange Finalist #1: The Orange Cactus
From back in March, and a reader tag no less, the Orange Cactus never got the full mock that his Arizonian cactii doucheyness deserves.
The O Cactus is real world ridiculousness.
At a party where mugging up on girls dressed as an extreme uberdouche barely registers.
The ladies are embarassed and more than a little disturbed.
For the Cactus is very...
very...
Orange.
Orangest Orange Finalist #2: Cheeto Man
Cheeto Man first appeared in July, and while pungent in super-douchosity, lacked the requisite heterosexuality and quality hott counterpoint to advance up the ladder of the Weekly and Monthly douche chain.
Cheeto Man's second pic only further denatured the threat by hinting at extreme lightness of loafers.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. It only makes for a less toxic HCwDB pic, since the lady is rendered ultimately unthreatened.
Cheeto Man is freakish.
Cheeto Man is disturbing.
Cheeto man scares kittens, lemurs and other assorted small woodland creatures.
He's also really freaking orange.
Orangest Orange Finalist #3: The Poopaloompa
Some have charged that Mr. Loompa is actually a photoshopped pic.
I certainly can't tell, as it looks real to me. But, either way, this is a Yearly contestant and an Orange finalist, so I'm going with it.
The Orangenesss is manifest poostiny for the Poopa, and Jane's pale complexion only further marks it in relief.
The Poompa is freakazoid anime douchebag, every bit Ming the Juiceless.
But enough to win Orangest Orange? That remains to be seen.
Orangest Orange Finalist #4: Mammy Miami
Okay, Mammy Miami's more "poo" than Orange.
But I'm not 100% certain that he's in the "bronze" weightlifting category (although he probably is), so he's earned his way as a 2009 Douchie Finalist.
M. Miami and the less than A-list Svetlana first appeared in early June and quickly became legend.
For summoning the worst Al Jolson, George Jessel, blackface racist American past that our media never mentions, Miami deserves credit for foregrounding our cultural amnesia.
Don't think of it as douchey over-tanning.
Think of it as cultural critique.
So them's your four. Just think of all the 'range that didn't make the cut. Guido Buttchinsky, Orangina, Orange Psycho, , Orange Poolius, The Turnips and Orangeness as Signifier. Although Signifier is more in the "smells like poo" category.
I eliminated pro body-builder types like Poo, as I want this to be a true vote for douchosity. And don't forget Anne Hathaway starring in The Devil Tans Orange and The Devil Tans Orange II.
But we can only vote on our finalists. Which deserves the 2009 Douchie?
Vote and make orange juice, as always, in the comments thread.
Here's your finalists:
Orangest Orange Finalist #1: The Orange Cactus
From back in March, and a reader tag no less, the Orange Cactus never got the full mock that his Arizonian cactii doucheyness deserves.
The O Cactus is real world ridiculousness.
At a party where mugging up on girls dressed as an extreme uberdouche barely registers.
The ladies are embarassed and more than a little disturbed.
For the Cactus is very...
very...
Orange.
Orangest Orange Finalist #2: Cheeto Man
Cheeto Man first appeared in July, and while pungent in super-douchosity, lacked the requisite heterosexuality and quality hott counterpoint to advance up the ladder of the Weekly and Monthly douche chain.
Cheeto Man's second pic only further denatured the threat by hinting at extreme lightness of loafers.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. It only makes for a less toxic HCwDB pic, since the lady is rendered ultimately unthreatened.
Cheeto Man is freakish.
Cheeto Man is disturbing.
Cheeto man scares kittens, lemurs and other assorted small woodland creatures.
He's also really freaking orange.
Orangest Orange Finalist #3: The Poopaloompa
Some have charged that Mr. Loompa is actually a photoshopped pic.
I certainly can't tell, as it looks real to me. But, either way, this is a Yearly contestant and an Orange finalist, so I'm going with it.
The Orangenesss is manifest poostiny for the Poopa, and Jane's pale complexion only further marks it in relief.
The Poompa is freakazoid anime douchebag, every bit Ming the Juiceless.
But enough to win Orangest Orange? That remains to be seen.
Orangest Orange Finalist #4: Mammy Miami
Okay, Mammy Miami's more "poo" than Orange.
But I'm not 100% certain that he's in the "bronze" weightlifting category (although he probably is), so he's earned his way as a 2009 Douchie Finalist.
M. Miami and the less than A-list Svetlana first appeared in early June and quickly became legend.
For summoning the worst Al Jolson, George Jessel, blackface racist American past that our media never mentions, Miami deserves credit for foregrounding our cultural amnesia.
Don't think of it as douchey over-tanning.
Think of it as cultural critique.
So them's your four. Just think of all the 'range that didn't make the cut. Guido Buttchinsky, Orangina, Orange Psycho, , Orange Poolius, The Turnips and Orangeness as Signifier. Although Signifier is more in the "smells like poo" category.
I eliminated pro body-builder types like Poo, as I want this to be a true vote for douchosity. And don't forget Anne Hathaway starring in The Devil Tans Orange and The Devil Tans Orange II.
But we can only vote on our finalists. Which deserves the 2009 Douchie?
Vote and make orange juice, as always, in the comments thread.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 2:52 PM 
Comments:
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I think I'll wait for Troy Tempest to break the various hues down in photoshop before I cast my vote.
You're doing the lord's work Troy.
Be brave.
You're doing the lord's work Troy.
Be brave.
I have to go with Cheeto Man FTW. He is using some type of radioactive shit for his orange, while the Cactus looks like he sits in his parents backyard all day. I think that Poopa and MM are both amatuer bodybuilders, which would explain the poo color.
I don't care if Mammy is a bodybuilder, he made me laugh the hardest, so he gets my vote.
And Svetlana: yes please.
And Svetlana: yes please.
# posted by 
: 3:02 PM
: 3:02 PM
Cheetobag FTW.
While he's standing there, could he come and look at my den? I'm thinking of putting in paneling and I don't know if that would be "soooooo retro" or not.
While he's standing there, could he come and look at my den? I'm thinking of putting in paneling and I don't know if that would be "soooooo retro" or not.
# posted by : 3:05 PM
: 3:05 PM
Well, since it's "Orangest Orange," not "Brownest Orange," "Douchiest Orange," or "Poop," Cheeto Man wins and my retina loses.
# posted by : 3:10 PM
: 3:10 PM
Mammy has the highest contrast between skin tone and tooth whiteness. Fuccen a! What a mess. I hear Manfred Mann singing "Blinded by the Light".
For me, it comes down to Cheeto vs. Poopaloompa. Both have been inducted into the Closet, and for good reason.
Cheeto gets my vote. Sorry Poopie, I like Klingons.
For me, it comes down to Cheeto vs. Poopaloompa. Both have been inducted into the Closet, and for good reason.
Cheeto gets my vote. Sorry Poopie, I like Klingons.
Definitely the Orange Cactus. Cheeto Man is obviously disqualified as discussed, and the Poompaloompa and Mammy Miami are not really orange, are they?
# posted by : 3:13 PM
: 3:13 PM
mammy has gone beyond orange to brown, and is too creepy for me to look at. I'm pretty sure the Orange Cactus is a prop. Poopaloompa is definitely the douchiest, but Cheeto Man's orange has a hue not seen on any other bag. His individuality sets him apart and I cast my vote for him.
Yumpin' yiminy. Poopaloompa is easily the biggest douche of the bunch, but that is not what we're voting on here.
The Cactus has the best hotts by a mile, but sweet Jebus, I can't possibly not vote for Cheeto Man. The face, plus the hair, plus the uneven distribution of orange poo color, plus the shirt unbuttoned to his navel, seals it. Stay away from Britney Spears, brah.
The Cactus has the best hotts by a mile, but sweet Jebus, I can't possibly not vote for Cheeto Man. The face, plus the hair, plus the uneven distribution of orange poo color, plus the shirt unbuttoned to his navel, seals it. Stay away from Britney Spears, brah.
# posted by : 3:16 PM
: 3:16 PM
Mammy Miami reminds me too much of C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man, and besides, he's not really orange at all.
Looks like he's taking a break between acts at a minstrel show.
That's why I have to go with the Pantone Orange 021 of Cheeto.
Looks like he's taking a break between acts at a minstrel show.
That's why I have to go with the Pantone Orange 021 of Cheeto.
# posted by : 3:19 PM
: 3:19 PM
Yeah. Not to nitpick or crab or complain or cuntify, but only entry 1 and 2 are really orange, IMHO. If we're talking worst fake tan, then it's clearly Mammy Miami all the way. However, the key word here is "orange" and no breakdown is needed in Gorgon Country. However, I do love Troy's wine-soaked and astute diatribes, so I'll stop back for that.
That being said, CheetoBag FTW. And by that I mean Fat Tittie Wrangler as evidenced by Exhibit A.
That being said, CheetoBag FTW. And by that I mean Fat Tittie Wrangler as evidenced by Exhibit A.
Cheeto Man. He's the most unnaturally orange person that has ever existed. It's like he just spent an our making sweet, passionate love to Chester Cheetah.
# posted by : 3:28 PM
: 3:28 PM
Cheeto Man is definitely the orangest orange. Cactus is a bigger douche, but he doesn't provide emergency lighting in a blackout.
# posted by : 3:31 PM
: 3:31 PM
Mammy Miami FTW. And by FTW I mean Epic Fail. I'll also note the lack of outstanding hotts in these images -- they're all respectable girls-next-door, but not overly drool-inducing.
And with a new keyboard, that's probably a good thing.
And with a new keyboard, that's probably a good thing.
Poopaloompa gets my vote. I can't vote for Cheeto Man, he appears to have some advanced, mutated form of jaundice.
I am not casting my vote here:
Clearly, Cheeto-man is the orangest orange here. However, it seems very likely that this picture is photo-shopped. If you look carefully at the left side of his face and neck, it appears that those places (though still orange) are not as orange as the rest of his face and neck, whose orangeness appears to have been digitally enhanced.
A year ago, the Millenium Bag took this prize even with his questionable sexual orientation, that will not keep me from voting for Cheeto-man. If this picture has been doctored, though, it will affect my vote.
Does anybody else think Cheeto's orange might be faked?
Clearly, Cheeto-man is the orangest orange here. However, it seems very likely that this picture is photo-shopped. If you look carefully at the left side of his face and neck, it appears that those places (though still orange) are not as orange as the rest of his face and neck, whose orangeness appears to have been digitally enhanced.
A year ago, the Millenium Bag took this prize even with his questionable sexual orientation, that will not keep me from voting for Cheeto-man. If this picture has been doctored, though, it will affect my vote.
Does anybody else think Cheeto's orange might be faked?
I really want to vote for Mammy Miami, but something prevents me. He's not really orange, more of a poo color. Plus could he really be serious or was he in some freakish Hulk experiment gone wrong? Whatever it is, it's not orange.
Cheeto man may be light in the loafers, but he is pure unadulterated orange.
Cheeto Man FTW!
Cheeto man may be light in the loafers, but he is pure unadulterated orange.
Cheeto Man FTW!
# posted by : 3:41 PM
: 3:41 PM
Orangest douchbag is the Cactus.
That said, the orangest ORANGE is the Cheeto Man.
But he's more of an androgynous Cheeto
BTW , it's been more than hilarious re-reading some of the posts on these maroons' original appearances
That said, the orangest ORANGE is the Cheeto Man.
But he's more of an androgynous Cheeto
BTW , it's been more than hilarious re-reading some of the posts on these maroons' original appearances
I vote for Mammy Miami.
He looks like the love-child of Olden Polynice and Ignis the Furnace Master.
He looks like the love-child of Olden Polynice and Ignis the Furnace Master.
Cheeto Man appears to be saying, "TCH-uhhhhh! You bastards better vote for me! I didn't work on this look for 95 minutes just to be passed over like some little trollop with an open sore!"
Ummmmm, OK there, Cheeto Man. You get my vote for your gloryhole orange glow.
They're rank, and their rank (in orangeness):
1) Cheeto Man
2) Orange Ca-ca-tus (blue dress here is the hottest of the hotts, though)
3) Poopaloompa
4) Mammy Miami (and the dog busted out LOLICOPTERZing just after the camera flashed)
Ummmmm, OK there, Cheeto Man. You get my vote for your gloryhole orange glow.
They're rank, and their rank (in orangeness):
1) Cheeto Man
2) Orange Ca-ca-tus (blue dress here is the hottest of the hotts, though)
3) Poopaloompa
4) Mammy Miami (and the dog busted out LOLICOPTERZing just after the camera flashed)
Tough vote for all the reasons previously described. As I said in his thread, Mammy isn't bronzed, he's wearing blackface.
I cast a ballot for the Poopa, because he deserves some hardware and this may be the only shot he has.
I cast a ballot for the Poopa, because he deserves some hardware and this may be the only shot he has.
# posted by : 4:07 PM
: 4:07 PM
The CHEETO MAN seems to wear his orange the best (worst), giving off the strongest cubic zirconian GLOW.
# posted by : 4:12 PM
: 4:12 PM
Damn.
I don't care what category DB1 puts these four photos under; no matter what I will vote for Mammy Miami everytime.
I mean, for fucks sake...look at him...LOOK. AT. HIM.
I don't care what category DB1 puts these four photos under; no matter what I will vote for Mammy Miami everytime.
I mean, for fucks sake...look at him...LOOK. AT. HIM.
My brain is wracked by the complications that this vote presents. This is like some sort of paint color sample strip for the orange to poo range.
As much as I wanted to vote for Poopaloompa simply because he looked like an orange Zoolander I actually have to go with Cheeto Man FTW. The hott's eyebrows put the fright in me out to no end but he is just simply douchier than the average orange.
As much as I wanted to vote for Poopaloompa simply because he looked like an orange Zoolander I actually have to go with Cheeto Man FTW. The hott's eyebrows put the fright in me out to no end but he is just simply douchier than the average orange.
# posted by : 4:13 PM
: 4:13 PM
I can't take Miami Manny seriously. I think of him every time I pick up my dog's poop.
Cheeto Man... now THAT'S orange! He's so orange, he's a Cheezit dipped in Cheez Whiz, smothered in the orange gritty powder that comes in those Kraft macaroni and cheese dinners, then dunked in a glass of Tropicana Pure Premium with extra pulp. He truly deserves it.
Cheeto Man... now THAT'S orange! He's so orange, he's a Cheezit dipped in Cheez Whiz, smothered in the orange gritty powder that comes in those Kraft macaroni and cheese dinners, then dunked in a glass of Tropicana Pure Premium with extra pulp. He truly deserves it.
Mammy Miami isn't Orange. He's the color of poo.
Cheeto Man, but it's dangerously cheesy.
Cheeto Man, but it's dangerously cheesy.
# posted by : 4:24 PM
: 4:24 PM
I live in Canada. We call them Gino's here (working on douchebag as a relatively accepted pejorative name). I swim in the sun with my little girls in the summer and I perhaps get too much sun for my Irish skin. These guys are crazy poo.
These bronzers and tatters are shocking. I am going to use excessive amounts of old spice and homebrew to forget this menagerie of shit. And by shit I mean Poo. And by Poo I mean Poopaloompa FTW.
My young daughters do not understand how I can hate a Poopaloompa. These douchescrotetanbags have ruined the Wizard of Oz.
Surrender Dorothy.
The rest are atrocious. But I believe the tan, challa arm, Adam Lambert Poopa must win. Go Poompa.
These bronzers and tatters are shocking. I am going to use excessive amounts of old spice and homebrew to forget this menagerie of shit. And by shit I mean Poo. And by Poo I mean Poopaloompa FTW.
My young daughters do not understand how I can hate a Poopaloompa. These douchescrotetanbags have ruined the Wizard of Oz.
Surrender Dorothy.
The rest are atrocious. But I believe the tan, challa arm, Adam Lambert Poopa must win. Go Poompa.
# posted by : 4:29 PM
: 4:29 PM
POOPA LOOMPA DOOPITY DA
I'VE GOT ANOTHER
PUZZLE FOR YOU
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU BATHE IN POOP?
I'VE GOT ANOTHER
PUZZLE FOR YOU
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU BATHE IN POOP?
# posted by : 4:34 PM
: 4:34 PM
Poopalumpa because cheeto man is gay with a capital G the other guys are with ugly looking broads. Very simple.
1, due to non-disqualification due to 'Roidbag or Gheybag.
Cactus has no excuses. He's not tinting for definition under the lights, or to make himself look like even more of a natural-born alien freak.
Though 2, 3 and 4 are the most disturbing people I've seen on this site since Mooby.
Cactus has no excuses. He's not tinting for definition under the lights, or to make himself look like even more of a natural-born alien freak.
Though 2, 3 and 4 are the most disturbing people I've seen on this site since Mooby.
# posted by : 4:47 PM
: 4:47 PM
To cast the correct vote here requires one to posses the Solomon-esque wisdom.
Manny is clearly not only the most ridiculous looking human in this group, but he is a giant of ridiculousness among all of humanity. If you are conflicted as to his darkness, I say he is so orange that he's brown. But is that enough to make him a douche?
Cheeto is clearly orange, but just as clearly likes to suck dick, which disqualifies him as a true douche.
Poompa is just a confused and conflicted alien body builder, and the gal just doesn't cut it.
Therefore, Orange Cactus must get the vote. Douche hair - check. Douche clothes - check. Douche accessories - check. Hot chicks - check and a quarter (the one on the right is about the same as Poompa's). Orange skin - check plus.
Manny is clearly not only the most ridiculous looking human in this group, but he is a giant of ridiculousness among all of humanity. If you are conflicted as to his darkness, I say he is so orange that he's brown. But is that enough to make him a douche?
Cheeto is clearly orange, but just as clearly likes to suck dick, which disqualifies him as a true douche.
Poompa is just a confused and conflicted alien body builder, and the gal just doesn't cut it.
Therefore, Orange Cactus must get the vote. Douche hair - check. Douche clothes - check. Douche accessories - check. Hot chicks - check and a quarter (the one on the right is about the same as Poompa's). Orange skin - check plus.
Arrrgh. The Poopaloompa stomps through the competition, quickly giving Cheeto man a vicious and callous orange roughy (that's a fish in NZ) and NOT calling him in the morning, then lacerating his nutsac on the Orange Cocktus (just cause it feels good)and mockingly wiping his bleached anus on M Miami in disdain (for how can a 'man' have a genuine SMILE on his face when smeared in poo).
The winner was always Poopaloopa. The sneering bronze cod-piece of a douche. An oozing discharge of a man whose own eyebrow rises in disgust at himself in some meta-critique of his own worthlessness.
If gonorrhea were to be personified in some Hollywood romcom, it would be played by the Poopaloopa.
The winner was always Poopaloopa. The sneering bronze cod-piece of a douche. An oozing discharge of a man whose own eyebrow rises in disgust at himself in some meta-critique of his own worthlessness.
If gonorrhea were to be personified in some Hollywood romcom, it would be played by the Poopaloopa.
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# posted by : 4:51 PM
: 4:51 PM
CANADOUCHE
YEAHHHHH WOOO HOOO YOU I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKING ME FEEL SO GOOD ABOUT MYSELF...
YEAH THAT ME ALEX MIJARES!!!! REMEMBER IT!
WOW YOU TOOL MADE MY DAY!!! KEEP WRITING I WANT TO TAKE UP THE WHOLE BLOG!!
YEAH MAPLE SYRUP
YEAH
YEAHHHHH WOOO HOOO YOU I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKING ME FEEL SO GOOD ABOUT MYSELF...
YEAH THAT ME ALEX MIJARES!!!! REMEMBER IT!
WOW YOU TOOL MADE MY DAY!!! KEEP WRITING I WANT TO TAKE UP THE WHOLE BLOG!!
YEAH MAPLE SYRUP
YEAH
# posted by : 4:52 PM
: 4:52 PM
Yeah, Cheeto is oranger--I'm not sure that color even exists in nature anywhere--and Poopaloompa is, well, Poopaloompa, but Cactus is orange and a DB that macks on hott rather than a brown DB that macks on hott or an orange DB that macks next to hott.
Cactus FTW.
Cactus FTW.
Cheeto man because he has made me think twice before eating Cheetos, which were my favorite snack.
# posted by : 5:19 PM
: 5:19 PM
I would love to vote for Poopaloompa, but these other freaks next to him make him look normal.
Cheeto.. I can't help but think that that's photoshopped, but then I look at chunky Latina's hot and the back of her arm is almost as orange. So he's probably pretty orange, even with the overexposure of the picture. And he's a gaybag, so I'm not sure he really counts as a douche.
Cactus... more overexposure, in every way. Greasy orange cactus hair. And he is an upper-tier douche with his large Jesus bling, cash money belt buckle and shades at night.
And then there is Mammy Miami, who leaves you speechless with laughter. That is just straight up freak. He looks like he put himself in the microwave after hitting the tanning bed to get extra crispy.
Between the Cactus and Mammy....
Mammy. Because that's just freakin' WRONG.
Cheeto.. I can't help but think that that's photoshopped, but then I look at chunky Latina's hot and the back of her arm is almost as orange. So he's probably pretty orange, even with the overexposure of the picture. And he's a gaybag, so I'm not sure he really counts as a douche.
Cactus... more overexposure, in every way. Greasy orange cactus hair. And he is an upper-tier douche with his large Jesus bling, cash money belt buckle and shades at night.
And then there is Mammy Miami, who leaves you speechless with laughter. That is just straight up freak. He looks like he put himself in the microwave after hitting the tanning bed to get extra crispy.
Between the Cactus and Mammy....
Mammy. Because that's just freakin' WRONG.
# posted by : 5:19 PM
: 5:19 PM
My vote's with Mammy on this one. My logic applies to all of them, but him the most: at some point, when your coloring is only halfway to where it is now, didn't you look in a mirror and a little voice inside your head said, "Uh, it's time to stop this now."
Who am I kidding. The voices in their head tell them, "Hellz yeah, you look fukin' awesome, broheim!"
Who am I kidding. The voices in their head tell them, "Hellz yeah, you look fukin' awesome, broheim!"
Count one vote for the Orange Cactus because he hails from a real life bag tag, and simply put, that shit was hilarious.
We must continue to mock the jerz puds scrotes out there who are preying on helpless hotts with shiny wristwatches and GHB despite all of our efforts.
We must continue to mock the jerz puds scrotes out there who are preying on helpless hotts with shiny wristwatches and GHB despite all of our efforts.
Mammy Miami.
I drank some hot chocolate with mini-marshmallows last night, and I'm pretty sure Mammy is now floating in my toilet.
-Douchetros Douchetros Ghali
I drank some hot chocolate with mini-marshmallows last night, and I'm pretty sure Mammy is now floating in my toilet.
-Douchetros Douchetros Ghali
# posted by : 5:41 PM
: 5:41 PM
I'm going with Cheeto Man for the win because, while other contestants have the "bronze" look going on, Cheeto Man is just fucking fluorescent.
Cheeto Man. Be he quick-fried to a crackly crunch or baked to a delicate crunch, he is Cheeto Man, he is douche, and he is the orangest orange.
I will say I'm a bit surprised that Clockwork Orange made neither the finals nor the honorable mentions. Shows how tough the competition was this year. Even The Nicker said this at the time: "It's January 10th, and I'm ready to give out the 2009 Douchie for Orangest Orange."
It is not to be, Nicker. Luke was right.
I will say I'm a bit surprised that Clockwork Orange made neither the finals nor the honorable mentions. Shows how tough the competition was this year. Even The Nicker said this at the time: "It's January 10th, and I'm ready to give out the 2009 Douchie for Orangest Orange."
It is not to be, Nicker. Luke was right.
# posted by : 5:45 PM
: 5:45 PM
OK, so this is what I did:
I opened up each image in Photoshop.
I immediately did an "auto-Levels" command, to even things out, so each picture was on the "same level".
I then selected each of their face, and deselected their eyes and teeth (and sun glasses, if any).
Then I took these selected faces, copied and pasted into a new document and blurred them into an even consistency over a transparent non-interfering background, and then measured the output.
Cheeto is the most orange, if you assume Orange RGB values = R255, G165, B0. He isn't there, but he's way closer than the rest.
The others are various shades of brown (which is simply dark orange, really).
The order of orange was:
Cheeto Man, Orange Cactus, Poopaloompa, and MammyMiami.
Now, just because Cheeto is the most orange of the lot, I don't really consider him to be the douchiest of the bunch. Nor do I consider Miami Mammy nearly as douchie as the other three. I find Poopaloompa the most punchworthy, even though clearly, Cheeto is the most orange.
This is one of the few times actual scientific method can answer a question on this website.
Cheeto == Orange.
I opened up each image in Photoshop.
I immediately did an "auto-Levels" command, to even things out, so each picture was on the "same level".
I then selected each of their face, and deselected their eyes and teeth (and sun glasses, if any).
Then I took these selected faces, copied and pasted into a new document and blurred them into an even consistency over a transparent non-interfering background, and then measured the output.
Cheeto is the most orange, if you assume Orange RGB values = R255, G165, B0. He isn't there, but he's way closer than the rest.
The others are various shades of brown (which is simply dark orange, really).
The order of orange was:
Cheeto Man, Orange Cactus, Poopaloompa, and MammyMiami.
Now, just because Cheeto is the most orange of the lot, I don't really consider him to be the douchiest of the bunch. Nor do I consider Miami Mammy nearly as douchie as the other three. I find Poopaloompa the most punchworthy, even though clearly, Cheeto is the most orange.
This is one of the few times actual scientific method can answer a question on this website.
Cheeto == Orange.
Mammy isnt orange but brown like poo. My vote is for Cheeto, because he had to of been a pale irish man turned orange to keep up with his italian Jersey counterparts
# posted by : 6:06 PM
: 6:06 PM
This has got to be the toughest vote yet. As has been said, Mammy looks more like Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo than orange. Cheeto is obviously the most orange but there is the question of performance enhancing photoshop. The Poopa looks like something that was cut out of Star Trek because it wouldn't be believable. The Cactus looks like a jerz scrote that was shipped out to AZ as part of the witless protection program. Tough call.
Mammy Miami FTW. That man is fucking ridiculous looking. Here's hoping that Rotty ass raped that clown for thinking doing that to his skin was in any kind of way acceptable. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to wash out my eyes with some pure muriatic acid.
Mammy Miami FTW. That man is fucking ridiculous looking. Here's hoping that Rotty ass raped that clown for thinking doing that to his skin was in any kind of way acceptable. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to wash out my eyes with some pure muriatic acid.
I am convinced that Cheeto Man and last year's winner Millenium 'Bag (http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/07_03/kryten_228x309.jpg) are the same 'bag.
If this is the case, is he exempt from the 2009 Douchies?
If this is the case, is he exempt from the 2009 Douchies?
# posted by : 6:17 PM
: 6:17 PM
It appears I was linking to Millenium 'Bag's day job.
The actual Millenium 'Bag post: http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2008/02/hcwdb-of-week-millennium-bag.html
The actual Millenium 'Bag post: http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2008/02/hcwdb-of-week-millennium-bag.html
# posted by : 6:18 PM
: 6:18 PM
Cheeto Man deserves the award. Not only does he look like a ridiculous piece of cheese, the hott with him looks somewhat rodent-like.
Mammy is so orange he's burnt orange. Mammy.
I think Poo deserves some sort of honorary Douchey.
Pooiest Poo or something.
I think Poo deserves some sort of honorary Douchey.
Pooiest Poo or something.
# posted by : 6:24 PM
: 6:24 PM
Unlike the others, Cheeto Man sports a fleshtone that simply does not occur on humans unless they are suffering from a severe liver malfunction.
While the others grasp at some simulacrum of trans-racial dermal coloration, Chester grits his cosmetically whitened teeth in defiance and goes completely Crayola Peach.
Chester Cheeto Man is the Orangest Orange.
--VS
While the others grasp at some simulacrum of trans-racial dermal coloration, Chester grits his cosmetically whitened teeth in defiance and goes completely Crayola Peach.
Chester Cheeto Man is the Orangest Orange.
--VS
# posted by : 6:46 PM
: 6:46 PM
It's a close one, between cactus and cheeto.
In the end, I've gotta go with Cheeto Man - he's just too ridiculous
In the end, I've gotta go with Cheeto Man - he's just too ridiculous
# posted by : 7:21 PM
: 7:21 PM
Cheeto man is gay. Poopaloompa may very well be. Regardless, he's more freak than orange. O Cactus is closer, but there's nothing really nothing close to Mammy Miami. He defines poo.
# posted by : 7:36 PM
: 7:36 PM
I WOULD vote for Cheetah man, but being a gaydouche rules him out from being offensive.
Write-in for Buttchinsky.
Write-in for Buttchinsky.
Mammy technically is burnt umber (Google it if you don't believe me), not orange. Burnt umber you say? Why yes, it is the color of poo.
But as my rather worthless BFA in art would tell me, in terms of orange as it sits on the spectrum of colors, which the win has to go to Cheeto Man, for his is truly Pantone Orange.
But as my rather worthless BFA in art would tell me, in terms of orange as it sits on the spectrum of colors, which the win has to go to Cheeto Man, for his is truly Pantone Orange.
Poompa FTOW due to his love for all things Peter Sellers, and his daring tribute to the often misunderstood Catmandu.
Dr. DB
Dr. DB
mm is so orange he is skid mark brown, therefore making him the orangest orange.
for some reason i think i could have a respectible conversation with this guy. and by respectible, i mean kicking him repeatedly in the crotch while laughing so hard stomach bile shoots through my nostrils. the others make me want to take my 12 gauge to the monitor
for some reason i think i could have a respectible conversation with this guy. and by respectible, i mean kicking him repeatedly in the crotch while laughing so hard stomach bile shoots through my nostrils. the others make me want to take my 12 gauge to the monitor
# posted by : 8:09 PM
: 8:09 PM
I vote for the Orange Cactus, who honors the memory of the Prompa Loompa with the blow out hair and big Flavor-Flav Guido cross.
# posted by : 8:20 PM
: 8:20 PM
Cheeto Man. The orangiest orange out there. Look like a goddamn work zone sign.
# posted by : 8:20 PM
: 8:20 PM
I vote cheeto man only because he has the biggest and consistent library or orangeness. He is pooooo
# posted by : 8:21 PM
: 8:21 PM
Mammy is probably a bodybuilder wearing bronzer, so I'll give him a pass.
Poopa is far and away the douchiest (and that is saying something), but just doesn't have that oranginess the other two have.
That leaves cheeto the gaybag or cactus.
Cactus's hott's are awesome. Especially the lovely 40's hairstyle inspired hott on the left. And while I'd want to Ginger her Rogers, Cactus isn't doing much with her either.
So I'll go with Cheeto.
Poopa is far and away the douchiest (and that is saying something), but just doesn't have that oranginess the other two have.
That leaves cheeto the gaybag or cactus.
Cactus's hott's are awesome. Especially the lovely 40's hairstyle inspired hott on the left. And while I'd want to Ginger her Rogers, Cactus isn't doing much with her either.
So I'll go with Cheeto.
# posted by : 8:38 PM
: 8:38 PM
after i vote for the 'loompa, i'm gonna take his orange ass to court for extortion. but for now, i vote for the Poopaloompa.
If you were to eat, say, a pound of oranges, your subsequent poo would look very much like Mammy Miami. If that turd picked up a banjo and started singing "Jump Jim Crow" it might actually be Mammy Miami. Something Mammy Miami ain't, though, is orange.
Cheeto Man for the win. And by "win" I mean "vigorous and violent scrubbing with a pumice stone."
Cheeto Man for the win. And by "win" I mean "vigorous and violent scrubbing with a pumice stone."
@massengil
i would agree that cheeto's pic looks enhanced, especially when compared to his second pic. however, one cannot argue with the purely scientific and irrefutable evidence as put forth by the eagle brown eye of the tempest himself. therefore...
cheeto Q.E.D.
i would agree that cheeto's pic looks enhanced, especially when compared to his second pic. however, one cannot argue with the purely scientific and irrefutable evidence as put forth by the eagle brown eye of the tempest himself. therefore...
cheeto Q.E.D.
Cheetoh cause he looks like he is suffering from the greasy chese mask stuck on his face
# posted by : 10:10 PM
: 10:10 PM
@jean marc ladouche 6:18
close butt if you compare the chin, eyebrows and nose, i think you'll see the differaunce. oui?
close butt if you compare the chin, eyebrows and nose, i think you'll see the differaunce. oui?
Only Cheeto Man is actually orange. All the others are poo-like.
Cheeto Man gets my vote.
Cheeto Man gets my vote.
# posted by : 10:40 PM
: 10:40 PM
ImageWrangler,
DFA:
Doctor in
Fine
Arts
So DFA in arts would be a redundancy. kinda like ATM machine...
DFA:
Doctor in
Fine
Arts
So DFA in arts would be a redundancy. kinda like ATM machine...
# posted by : 10:51 PM
: 10:51 PM
i have to qualify my vote(s). if we're talking ridiculous effort made at unnatural coloration, then it's mammy. if we're talking strictly orange, then it's cheeto. if we're talking the orangest douchebag, then poopa edges out cactus. sorry, but this is a very specific award, and i don't want to give a false positive.
(This is not a vote, boss)
I would like to fight anyone to the death (or $10,000.00), who doesn't think Mammy Miami is fit to win this and many other categories. He's Kobe times LeBron. Peyton Manning 69'ing Tom Brady with Drew Breees filming. He's Plinky bodyslamming his mother gawdammit!
Poopa? Please.
Cheeto? Gaybaggery.
Orange Cactus? Noble, but weak effort.
Mammy Miami. Look at this freak. No really. Just look at him.
... and then taste his beta-carotene flatulence.
Much respect,
Gaseous Clay
"Farts like a butterfly, stings when I pee."
I would like to fight anyone to the death (or $10,000.00), who doesn't think Mammy Miami is fit to win this and many other categories. He's Kobe times LeBron. Peyton Manning 69'ing Tom Brady with Drew Breees filming. He's Plinky bodyslamming his mother gawdammit!
Poopa? Please.
Cheeto? Gaybaggery.
Orange Cactus? Noble, but weak effort.
Mammy Miami. Look at this freak. No really. Just look at him.
... and then taste his beta-carotene flatulence.
Much respect,
Gaseous Clay
"Farts like a butterfly, stings when I pee."
# posted by : 12:08 AM
: 12:08 AM
It was going to be Cheeto Man, I was convinced and ready to lay down my vote for him, and by 'convinced and ready to lay down my vote' I mean attack with the ferocity of a rabies engorged squirrel.
But then a few scrolls of the mouse wheel bought upon my eyes the horror I had forgotten that was Poopaloompa. When I die and inevitably arrive at the gates of hell, which is likely, because of the many wonderous and disgusting thoughts I have about the Ass Pears this website provides. I have no doubt the devil will look like this choadwank, complete with resplendant pout, mascara, and smelling like not only does he wear Axe, he exudes it in the form of a thick viscous liquid from his skin like some sort of toad.
He will reach out his shit coloured arm towards me, and I shall scream thunderous and mighty curse. What torture awaits me oh pooey devil?
Poopaloompa, you are evil, you get my vote and I'll see you in a few years I guess.
But then a few scrolls of the mouse wheel bought upon my eyes the horror I had forgotten that was Poopaloompa. When I die and inevitably arrive at the gates of hell, which is likely, because of the many wonderous and disgusting thoughts I have about the Ass Pears this website provides. I have no doubt the devil will look like this choadwank, complete with resplendant pout, mascara, and smelling like not only does he wear Axe, he exudes it in the form of a thick viscous liquid from his skin like some sort of toad.
He will reach out his shit coloured arm towards me, and I shall scream thunderous and mighty curse. What torture awaits me oh pooey devil?
Poopaloompa, you are evil, you get my vote and I'll see you in a few years I guess.
# posted by : 12:19 AM
: 12:19 AM
I can't believe Orangina didn't make the cut. Come on, DB1, this guy is the epitome of choad. Those ridiculous kissy lips, the massive fauxhawk, the level 4 fauxhawked bleeth which he's got his wristdanna-bedecked arm astranglin', the fleur-di-lis bling, the raccoon tanlines around the eyes, the 47 karat diamond earings...2 of them!!! And let's not forget the presence of a true tongue-hot just to the right of his debatably "hot" woman, whose zebra-striped gag-accessory makes me want to giddyup and say "Hi-ho Silver, awaaaaaaay with erotic asphyxiation". Perhaps this pud isn't worthy of an "orangest orange" Douchie in the presence of Mammy Miami (for whom I guess I will reluctantly cast my vote), but by the Good Lord, we ought to see him in here somewhere. When I am forced to view his likeness on the site, I just want to shoot him in the face with a bazooka! (cool points for recognizing *that* comedic reference;)
Yes everyone, Pierre is correct - Poopaloompa is definitely a rockerbag.....
The Douchies have taken a tragic turn. Of course, we knew that was inevitable, but I think only the specific vehicle was in question.
The Douchies have taken a tragic turn. Of course, we knew that was inevitable, but I think only the specific vehicle was in question.
I don't care if he spends serious amounts of time with his lips attached to the end of a Peen, Cheeto man gets my vote. Dude's a douche, man, c'mon!
And, really freakin' orange!
Ol'Bag
And, really freakin' orange!
Ol'Bag
# posted by : 3:22 AM
: 3:22 AM
If you were doing a true color wheel, you should've put Cheeto first.
I gotta vote for Cheeto. His orange is so amazingly orange. It looks like Tang.
I gotta vote for Cheeto. His orange is so amazingly orange. It looks like Tang.
Cheeto is definately the ORANGEST Orange, but gay dudes can be whatever color they want, that's why they took the rainbow logo, i think he should be disqualified...
I think the Poopaloompa deserves a Lifetime Acheivement Douchie for looking like the spawn of satan himself in technicolor, but it's hard to say how much unnatural colorant has been added to his natural tone, he reminds me very much of my high school gym teacher who was an eerie purplish tinge...
Mammy... even moreso than the Poopmeister, i think he's just got an odd skin tone and maybe some of the effect is from the camera/lighting when the shot was taken, but he's not orange, just a really crazy shade of mulatto...
for thinking that the fake tan was a good idea and then not hiding himself away in the house for several weeks scrubing the pestilence off of his skin until at last the taintstain was washed away... for the shamelessness of picking up his cross, throwing it around his neck, and hitting the club in his fresh coat of taint paint... The Orange Cactus has earned such respect from me that i'd like to throw him a stupid hand gesture... while he's standing on the railroad tracks... listening to his ipod... unaware that the train's a' comin'... so he'd stand there for a minute and return it instead of jumping out of the way...
I think the Poopaloompa deserves a Lifetime Acheivement Douchie for looking like the spawn of satan himself in technicolor, but it's hard to say how much unnatural colorant has been added to his natural tone, he reminds me very much of my high school gym teacher who was an eerie purplish tinge...
Mammy... even moreso than the Poopmeister, i think he's just got an odd skin tone and maybe some of the effect is from the camera/lighting when the shot was taken, but he's not orange, just a really crazy shade of mulatto...
for thinking that the fake tan was a good idea and then not hiding himself away in the house for several weeks scrubing the pestilence off of his skin until at last the taintstain was washed away... for the shamelessness of picking up his cross, throwing it around his neck, and hitting the club in his fresh coat of taint paint... The Orange Cactus has earned such respect from me that i'd like to throw him a stupid hand gesture... while he's standing on the railroad tracks... listening to his ipod... unaware that the train's a' comin'... so he'd stand there for a minute and return it instead of jumping out of the way...
# posted by : 4:39 AM
: 4:39 AM
Poopa is the biggest bag here but he's verging more on poo than orange. I don't think he and Mammy qualify for this event. Mammy looks like he crawled out of a grease fire.
The true orange goes to Cheeto Man and Orange Cactus.
I'll go with Cheeto Man because he's the true orange.
The true orange goes to Cheeto Man and Orange Cactus.
I'll go with Cheeto Man because he's the true orange.
@Troy 5:51
Cheeto Man. I did a variation of the Photoshop test as well, using an old Fireworks extension for color picking and naming.
And while others may be bigger douches, Cheeto Man is truly the orangiest orange.
Cheeto Man. I did a variation of the Photoshop test as well, using an old Fireworks extension for color picking and naming.
And while others may be bigger douches, Cheeto Man is truly the orangiest orange.
Poopaloompa - because after Jane was able to extricate herself from his grasp, she gazed in horror at the orange Mark of the Beast that was now tattooed onto her forehead like the Ed Hardy version of the Hawthorange's classic "The Scarlet Letter."
Sweet Jane has become an umber Hester Prynne, all because of Poopaloompa. He must win because he must be stopped.
Poopaloompa, FTW.
Sweet Jane has become an umber Hester Prynne, all because of Poopaloompa. He must win because he must be stopped.
Poopaloompa, FTW.
# posted by : 5:47 AM
: 5:47 AM
Fat Titte Wrangler FTW. No that's not a typo. It's tittay. I'm Franco-American.
Ummm. Franco American.
Ummm. Franco American.
As the Great Nigel Tufnel would say. "Is this a joke?"
Mammy wins hands down.
GREENMAN!
Mammy wins hands down.
GREENMAN!
# posted by : 6:00 AM
: 6:00 AM
While CheetoMan is clearly the most orange thing since, well, since Bog invented Oranges, but critturs like PoopaLoompa infect the earth, I think this category needs to be renamed, to something like "The Most Egregiously or Recklessly Tanned".
As I did earlier: a scientific analysis can show is is the closest to a standard Orange hue - there's no contest in that, and thus, no need for voting.
But when it comes to qualia, like "who abused the bronzer and wears it the worst", then voting and commentary is valuable, and it opens up the playing field for Mammy Miami (who is a shade of Umber) and others.
I think CheetoMan has this category sewn up - he, like MilleniumBag before him - are truly orange. But is proximity to a hue what we are really looking for? Things to contemplate for next year...
As I did earlier: a scientific analysis can show is is the closest to a standard Orange hue - there's no contest in that, and thus, no need for voting.
But when it comes to qualia, like "who abused the bronzer and wears it the worst", then voting and commentary is valuable, and it opens up the playing field for Mammy Miami (who is a shade of Umber) and others.
I think CheetoMan has this category sewn up - he, like MilleniumBag before him - are truly orange. But is proximity to a hue what we are really looking for? Things to contemplate for next year...
Let's shift the paradigm away from The Orange Cactus and his rudimentary Jersey Guido lifestyle, and chaulk the "Orangest Orange" up to Cheeto Man and his questionable sexuality. Cheeto Man thinks outside of the box. And unlike The Poopaloompa and Mammy Miami, CM is living the dream... and by dream I mean ultimate doucherity.
# posted by : 6:39 AM
: 6:39 AM
^ @ Saving Private Guido: yes, Cheeto Man does indeed think "outside of the box." In fact, he's not even interested in his buxom friend's box--he's more of a "sausage" guy, really.
Cheeto FTW
Somebody check the Chinese calendar--was 2009 the year of the orange, or something? Plus, I think the Orange Cactus and Guido Buttchinsky might have been separated at birth. And by birth, I mean the moment that they were squeezed out of someone's anus like a big long squirt of cheeze whiz.
Cheeto FTW
Somebody check the Chinese calendar--was 2009 the year of the orange, or something? Plus, I think the Orange Cactus and Guido Buttchinsky might have been separated at birth. And by birth, I mean the moment that they were squeezed out of someone's anus like a big long squirt of cheeze whiz.
# posted by : 6:45 AM
: 6:45 AM
All these toxic choads should be eliminated. Not from competition, but from human society.
Let us lure them all into the Closet of Poo with carrots, pumpkin pie, sweet potatoes and promises of beta-carotene injections.
Like the Russians did in Chernobyl, we can then quickly lock them in, and entomb them with four feet of reinforced concrete.
Let us lure them all into the Closet of Poo with carrots, pumpkin pie, sweet potatoes and promises of beta-carotene injections.
Like the Russians did in Chernobyl, we can then quickly lock them in, and entomb them with four feet of reinforced concrete.
Fake Alex or Dirty Sanchez,
It is early in the East so just go douche yourself. I will intently force myself on my wife when she gets back from delivering my kids from pre-pre-school. She will love it. I love this blog.
No need for your gay rant here. I would suggest Playgirl magazine to address your issues with your mother and a hot carl and that silly Levi.
It is early in the East so just go douche yourself. I will intently force myself on my wife when she gets back from delivering my kids from pre-pre-school. She will love it. I love this blog.
No need for your gay rant here. I would suggest Playgirl magazine to address your issues with your mother and a hot carl and that silly Levi.
# posted by : 6:51 AM
: 6:51 AM
Guys, I don't want to alarm anybody, but I am now pretty sure that Poopaloompa is Baron Von Goolo's bastard son....t
He is lead singer of Seraphim Shock...described as the "Worlds Best Halloween Band"...
Baron, you need to connect with him. Before it's too late.
Oh wait, you're immortal....ah, let it ride.
Baron, you need to connect with him. Before it's too late.
Oh wait, you're immortal....ah, let it ride.
I guess Crimson Ted doesn't qualify because he is more red than orange.
I'm voting for him anyway, because he's the douchiest human that's ever lived. Consider this a write-in, if you will.
I'm voting for him anyway, because he's the douchiest human that's ever lived. Consider this a write-in, if you will.
The orange of the Cheeto contrasts so sharply with the glaring white of chubby cleavite's exposed, well, cleavite that it burns my retinas.
Cheeto by a landslide. A landslide down those enormous flesh zeppelins.
Cheeto by a landslide. A landslide down those enormous flesh zeppelins.
# posted by : 7:28 AM
: 7:28 AM
If Cheeto Man peed into a cup and left it on the buffet people would use it to top nachos.
And chilli dogs.
Cheeto Man FTW.
And chilli dogs.
Cheeto Man FTW.
These four stains crashed the video driver on my computer from all the contrast, but there is no arguing with Troy's math. If it is orange you want, it is orange Cheeto Man has.
Cheeto Man FTW!
Cheeto Man FTW!
here's the problem: is "orangest of orange" seen as the closest to true orange or having the most orange applied?
by the photoshop calculations presented before, cheeto is apparently closest to "true orange".
that being said, i see "orangest of orange" being the most layers of orange these pantywastes have managed to spray over their vacuous souls.
Mammy FTW
by the photoshop calculations presented before, cheeto is apparently closest to "true orange".
that being said, i see "orangest of orange" being the most layers of orange these pantywastes have managed to spray over their vacuous souls.
Mammy FTW
# posted by : 7:43 AM
: 7:43 AM
Mammy, Mammy...it's your little boy Sammy. I'm a douche from Alabamie...
Mammy ftw.
Mammy ftw.
# posted by : 7:45 AM
: 7:45 AM
Cheeto man. Even though he is obviously gay and his hott is a fat munchkin NOTT. Though i will say I bet she gives fantastic head at 2:05 am.
Mammy had it wrapped up for me until DB1's note at the bottom of the category that stated that body builders are eliminated. That automatically DQed Mammy and BVG's love child -- they're both body-builders. (Sweet Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo-stick DB1, the HCwDB semifinalist link "The Poopaloompa is Satan" scared the holy bejeebus out of me! But it also proved builder-bag status.)
With these two out of the running, that makes it Cactusbag and Cheeto boy. While Cactus has the lovely blue-dressed hott, no one is as hilariously orange as Chester the Cheeta.
Cheeto Man FTW
With these two out of the running, that makes it Cactusbag and Cheeto boy. While Cactus has the lovely blue-dressed hott, no one is as hilariously orange as Chester the Cheeta.
Cheeto Man FTW
# posted by : 8:31 AM
: 8:31 AM
Cheeto is freaking hilarious. And obviously the orangest orange.
-Paul Muad'Douche, the Kwisatz Scroterach
-Paul Muad'Douche, the Kwisatz Scroterach
# posted by : 8:36 AM
: 8:36 AM
Cheeto man. I can understand somewhat the methods of achieving the color with the other pictures. The cheeto man leaves me baffled.
Cheeto Man FTW, because his orange is the brightest. If this had been a normal HCWDB douchey/hott category, however, his gaybaggery would surely have been his downfall.
# posted by : 9:30 AM
: 9:30 AM
Cheeto man is the only one that is truly orange. However, I can't force myself to vote for the gay bag.
Mammy reminds me of my ferrets' poo. It's kind of orange but has that brownish quality as well. He looks as though he has been cleaning their cage for the past few months now and has finally gotten enough to cover himself with. He just looks fucking ridiculous.
Mammy FTW!
Mammy how I love ya, how I love ya my dear old Mammy!
Mammy reminds me of my ferrets' poo. It's kind of orange but has that brownish quality as well. He looks as though he has been cleaning their cage for the past few months now and has finally gotten enough to cover himself with. He just looks fucking ridiculous.
Mammy FTW!
Mammy how I love ya, how I love ya my dear old Mammy!
Mammy is basically in a blackface, which technically excludes him from the "orange" bracket. Cheeto man is the real deal. FTW!
# posted by : 10:05 AM
: 10:05 AM
Cheeto.
On a side note, I started dating a girl who works in a tanning salon. She tells me she can spray me the right way with the orange. Seriously. THank God I saw this site before I dated her.
But hey, she's got boobies. Not just boobies. Real jubbly yummy boobies.
Not enough for me to get the paint, though.
On a side note, I started dating a girl who works in a tanning salon. She tells me she can spray me the right way with the orange. Seriously. THank God I saw this site before I dated her.
But hey, she's got boobies. Not just boobies. Real jubbly yummy boobies.
Not enough for me to get the paint, though.
# posted by : 11:30 AM
: 11:30 AM
Cheeto Man. It's not even close. Even if we were looking at most hideous or most likely to cause hurling, it would still be cheeto. But this category is orangest orange, and cheeto out-shines them all. In that brilliant plastic glo-orange he's perfected so well.
I mean most hideous/punch worthy is still close between him and Poopaloompa ... but man I don't wnat to think about that now. I just ate like an hour ago.
Gotta be Cheetoman...not only hella orange, but not so hot chick to boot...
Mammy Miami, I mean, really, WTF is that? Poopaloompa, not so orange as just a douche...and Orange Cactus, eh, not AS orange as Cheetoman...
Mammy Miami, I mean, really, WTF is that? Poopaloompa, not so orange as just a douche...and Orange Cactus, eh, not AS orange as Cheetoman...
# posted by : 12:04 PM
: 12:04 PM
CheetoBag FTW. Agree with those that say he's the orangest organge...not brownest orange.
# posted by : 12:18 PM
: 12:18 PM
Cactus FTW. Cheeto is literally trying too hard (if that's possible) and the other two were body building types so one could techically say they were doing it for their job (?) hobby (?) lameness (!)
# posted by : 1:42 PM
: 1:42 PM
Mammy cannot be disqualified for being "brown"
and here is why:
Sienna is actually dark orange. if you take orange gels and stack them on top of each other, you are going to get something that resembles this pile of poo.
therefor, considering color theory:
Mammy truly IS the orangest of them all. no contest.
and here is why:
Sienna is actually dark orange. if you take orange gels and stack them on top of each other, you are going to get something that resembles this pile of poo.
therefor, considering color theory:
Mammy truly IS the orangest of them all. no contest.
Poopaloompa all the way, simply for his alien-ness. The others are douches, mind you, but this guy is out of this world for douchiness. Makes me want to punch my computer screen.
# posted by : 2:22 PM
: 2:22 PM
Mammy Miami FTW!!!! Nothing is more bizarre than this fellows appearanc. It looks like he fell asleep in the oven!
# posted by : 2:23 PM
: 2:23 PM
Mammy Miami isn't technically orange. He is in a category all by himself which is why I believe he should deserve a special award. He looks genuinely happy that his teeth make my eyes bleed. Anyways my vote is for CHEETO MAN. I just want to punch him in the head, but something tells me that would be a hate crime.
Cheeto Man gets the win for being so un-naturally orange. Humans don't exist in that color. At least it's possible to find actual humans the color of Poopa, Mammy, and (maybe) Cactus. But Cheeto is like an android from AI. Just unhuman in every way.
None of the orangey finalists have particularly hot Hotts, so this makes the job easier. While all four are douchetacular, I have to go with Poopaloompa for the win - he is not as orange as the others, but he is pure douchevil. And the more we mock, the more the evil is dispelled.
# posted by : 3:59 PM
: 3:59 PM
Shit, I'm late. Oh well.
Mammy Miami is disqualified as he makes me laugh. Can anybody apply bronzer that badly and still take themselves serioiusly? Less than A-List Svetlana is complicit in this atrocity. She can clearly see that Mammy has disgraced himself, perhaps he slathered himself in orange with a spatula, we may never know. She knows, and she says nothing. Therefore Mammy Miami is nothing more than the butt of a joke of his own making, and shall not win the Douchie.
The Orange Cactus is standard issue factory Guido. Although Miss Pooch in the blue dress is rather fetching there isn't anything here we haven't seen a hundred times before.
So we're left with Cheeto Man and Poopaloompa.
Cheeto Man is goddamned day-glo with that expression like he just farted out his liver. Heavy Betty is cute, but those painted on eyebrows mean she's batshit crazy, and probably thinks her pooter magic will show Cheeto Man the error of his ways and cause him to switch teams.
Which he will. To Team Jacob. Because he's into beanie baby werewolves and shirtless teenage boys.
I hate myself for knowing that, too.
Which brings us to Poopaloompa. A freaking burnt umber mutant mongoloid with an emo haircut and goddamned eyeliner. He's such a soul-sucking vapid putzlord that the chick in the picture doesn't even matter.
What else need be said?
Mammy Miami is disqualified as he makes me laugh. Can anybody apply bronzer that badly and still take themselves serioiusly? Less than A-List Svetlana is complicit in this atrocity. She can clearly see that Mammy has disgraced himself, perhaps he slathered himself in orange with a spatula, we may never know. She knows, and she says nothing. Therefore Mammy Miami is nothing more than the butt of a joke of his own making, and shall not win the Douchie.
The Orange Cactus is standard issue factory Guido. Although Miss Pooch in the blue dress is rather fetching there isn't anything here we haven't seen a hundred times before.
So we're left with Cheeto Man and Poopaloompa.
Cheeto Man is goddamned day-glo with that expression like he just farted out his liver. Heavy Betty is cute, but those painted on eyebrows mean she's batshit crazy, and probably thinks her pooter magic will show Cheeto Man the error of his ways and cause him to switch teams.
Which he will. To Team Jacob. Because he's into beanie baby werewolves and shirtless teenage boys.
I hate myself for knowing that, too.
Which brings us to Poopaloompa. A freaking burnt umber mutant mongoloid with an emo haircut and goddamned eyeliner. He's such a soul-sucking vapid putzlord that the chick in the picture doesn't even matter.
What else need be said?
Damn, who thought this would be the hardest category to judge?? It's more like the Freakiest Freak...
Poopa doesn't even have to win anything, does he? He's already a legend.
Awright, CHEETOMAN. He's probably mostly gay, but he also seems like the kind of guy who'd screw anything after enough amaretto sours and X (shudder)
Poopa doesn't even have to win anything, does he? He's already a legend.
Awright, CHEETOMAN. He's probably mostly gay, but he also seems like the kind of guy who'd screw anything after enough amaretto sours and X (shudder)
I have greater concern for the health of these idiots.
"Cheeto Man" has a jaundice yellow hue to him that says "get thee to a free clinic, quick!"
"Mammy Miami"... lord only knows what this person did to himself, but he should be checking himself into a hospital. That CAN'T be healthy.
"Cheeto Man" has a jaundice yellow hue to him that says "get thee to a free clinic, quick!"
"Mammy Miami"... lord only knows what this person did to himself, but he should be checking himself into a hospital. That CAN'T be healthy.
# posted by : 5:34 AM
: 5:34 AM
Honestly, Poompa HAS to win something DB1. From the votes for Crimson Ted, it doesn't look like he makes it to round two there, and even though he's not orange, he's close enough: he's fake tanned up and looking like satan (even though he can't be anything but a lesser demon put here to make us all a little less happy). And lead mediocre cuties into temptation. Poopa...he's gotta win somenthing--he's gotta.
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# posted by : 5:55 AM
: 5:55 AM << Home
