Why wpuld I want to remember. I've been drinking to forget.
 

I would like to enter the above misspelling as evidence.

Get some.
 

I noticed that all of his products are on clearance. This is a good sign.
 

I received Ed Hardy golf balls for Christmas from my neighbor. It was really tough acting happy. I usually lose quite a few per round, but I have a feeling that these will be impossible to lose. You know how it works.
 

You'd think he'd be more of a douche and less of a dork.
 

He sings so well.
Must be all that douche perfume.
 

Audigier proves that it is indeed possible to be Johnny Doucheseed while also being a Mac-addled dork.
 

Anon 10:31...he's a carrier. They rarely show symptoms.
 

Make that anon 10:13. That performance has caused a time warp.
 

the first Ed Hardy t-shirt was born when Chritian Audigier fashion a diaper out of the sunday funnies for a menstrating tree sloth
 

the 2nd one came about when Plinky's mom burped into a bedsheet she had using as a table napkin on chili & cheesesteak night at the Erie, PA VFW
 

Tone deaf French asshole signing american dream. Ironic, yuuuup. He should surrender the mic to someone who actually has talent
 

Didn't they use to burn people at the stake for this type of outrageous display of blasphemy?

Man, the 1400's, now THAT was the place to be.

Now excuse me while I go do some therapy by checking out my forearms in the mirror while vigorously fist pumping.
 

Maybe in Stackhouse slang "fist" is slang for "cockk"?

Cockk.

Say it with me.

Cockk.
 

Cockk
 

Cockk
 

Cockk
 

Cockk

Get some.
 

I was wondering how to pronounce his name.

In english it would be

Hriss-chen Awdigger

In French, more like

kristiaa O-deezhee-eh

But no matter how you pronounce it, it always means the the same thing:

Turning a buck on the douchebags.
 

I scroll down a bit and every time it's like a poke in the eye when I run across doucheclops.

Fuck - he's top o' the list in the next weekly. And monthly. And Annual. He could win, and it isn't even 2010 yet.

Ug.
 

Cockk!

He is anti-talented, yet still popular. Proof that Americans love the underdog.
Will someone please run him over?
 

Swole cockk!!! F*cking get some.
 

Quick, somebody tell Steven Tyler that Christian Audouche stole his mic stand..!
 

coccyxxxkk... sorry DarkSock, can't get it out of my mouth. uh, wait.... (blushes)
 

Cockk, get some! Apparently it is what's for dinner at FSU.
 

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Release the Hebrew badgers!

"On Moishe, on Shlomo,
On Asher and Herschel,
On Yitzak, on Tevye,
On Hyman and Shimmel--
To the heart of the Douche!
To the source of Scrote!
Now gnaw his face, crush his skull,
Gnash away all!"

P.S.: Get some.
 

my "yamaha" is made out of rabbi badger pelt
 

Ok after a brief hiatus I'm back, and see that the world is still filled with plenty of mockworthy choadwrinkles***puke***...congratulations to the winners of the 2009 Douchies...I promise to be back in full effect 2010...and by full effect I mean of course:

...sit around in my flamingo skin tutu sucking on Tito's and Mountain Dew in my parents basement while throwing poo at my TRS80 screen every time a douche makes an appearance...

...gonna have to eat some more chimichangas...
 

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@ Chupacabra 2:13

That brought salty fuccen tears of douche-hating-Hebrew-badger-whispering happiness to my face.
 

Audigger has done so much damage with his Ed Hardy line that I now think the John Hardy lines are Ed's.

This is unbearably and irretrievably damaging to the Hardy Boys detectives' reputations.

And my wife Nancy drew the conclusion that Audigger is just a piece of work. Fiction.

That, or we're all in the middle of a bad dream.
 

DB1, did you see this article on the Douchies?

http://www.lasvegasweekly.com/news/2009/dec/27/douchie-awards-are/

An appearance at Rehab in 2010 would make it SO complete
 

Cockk

Cockk is another word for Christian Audigier

Cockk [fist pump]
 

@Chupacabra:

Oy vey - Santa ein narisch schmendrick? Yoi - it only makes sense with all these rabbi's badgers running around here, looking for porch meat.

Good to have you back - your comments have been missed!
 

I love the French. First they give us escargot, now this.

Fuck you guys. We saved your ass from Hitler and this is how you pay us back?

Brigette Bardot is the last good thing to come out of your shitty country. And she's getting old. Nut up, take a bath, and make me some wine.

Les douchebags.
 

@Chupacabra: Hey! Nice to see you around here again!
 

@ Chupacabra--Welcome back! And by welcome back I mean would you like to take a sponge bath with me?

@ JCVD--Welcome back! And by welcome back I mean could you run to the store and get some bread and milk while I take a sponge bath with Chupacabra?

I keed, I keed. I actually don't eat bread.

Well, it's good to have 2 of my favorite 'Bagslayers back to work, we need all the help we can get.

@ El Caganer 9:42
I feel your pain. The venerable Ravensberger company, who makes some of the most beautiful and elaborate jigsaw puzzles on earth (HUGE jigsaw puzzle geeks over here in Gorgon country) has fallen victim to GV-1 and makes an Ed Hardy puzzle. I knbow this to be true because Mama Oblongata got me one for Christmas. I took off the wrapping paper with the box face-down and got a woody when I saw it was a Ravensburger puzzle. Then I flipped it over and it was like getting punched in the stomach. Of course, Mama doesn't know, and she figures, tattoos, ok, I see how she connected the dots.

But then my brother got the AXE body wash/spray/gel gift box and I knew I had to kill my Mom with fire. It wasn't so bad until the Christmas tree went up and my nephews started screaming.
 

...vomiting...
 

oh no! apparently the video is close to exceeding the 2/5 rating on YouTube!
 

@ Troy
I missed you, too! Mwah!

@ Medusa
My jiggly girly bits are all a-quiver with anticipation...I hope there are fluffy towels and powder puffs for the patting-dry phase.
 

@ Wonkydouchey

Sending you affectionate snuffling and the light caress of the Chupa-whiskers.
 

Cockk
 

Seriously. Some people will literally cheer shit on parade.
 

I'm late to this party. Keeping with the theme ....


Circumscised Cockk
 

Cockk!
 

Au-dick-ier looks a bit like Joe Pesci in "GoodFellas", doesn't he?

Now someone kick him in the nadgers, please.

Thank you.
 

Oh, and of course, cockk.
 

This comment on the lasvegasweekly.com article is pure gold:

"I read that piece a crap website and I don't see nothing but a bunch of momma boy hatters. Like I give a deuce if theyr jealous cause I get laid whenever I want. I get quality tail, yo. I'm not sitting in moms basement talking s**t about peeing in people's butts. Damn, that's just stupid."
 

The minute I get out of this drive-thru I'm fist pumping the shit out of this sausage and cheese McGriddle.
 

He's a tone deaf marketing genius who cannot sing. This reminds me of the Piss Angel performance on top of the parking garage that was posted earlier this year. The audience is stacked with ass-kissing fans at a fashion show. Hell, if I sold this guys product and made a buttload of money off riding his coattails, I might cheer too... though afterwards I'd return to my hotel room and skewer my nutsack with knitting needles as a form of contrition.

Fuck him in the ear with a Von Douche / Ed Hardy dildo.
 

I have never heard this guy talk but now that I have I understand why he is so douchie.....he's fucking French!!!!
 

This guy is such a cunt. It makes me weep that people like him are enjoying their lives, while I'm stuck in a miserable windowless office. I hate his soul (yes, I am bitter).
 

Why is this guy still alive?
 

Cockk.

I noticed that shit-for-brains isn't actually wearing any of the crap he peddles.

B-B-B-Bag To The Bone
 

Dave Stewart just lost all credability with me, which sucks.
 

WOW ! I want to stab myself in the eye after watching that !
 

I almost cried at 2:38 when he starts to really "feel it" and by feel it I mean ....oh god ... i feel faint ! Whew. Anyways, those dumb "douchette's" haning there cheering him on as if he hit the notes perfect. I think instead they should go to the doctor for a hearning check up and a shot in the bum cause they might have Douchie's Symplex 0
 

your website is excellent, thanks for the information.
http://fazine.co.cc
 

OK, this makes me sick. WTF. This guy is over the top. I'm typing this from a studio. The girl recording will be out this coming year and she's going to kill it.
Years of hard work, living on the road, she got a fucking broken nose in a fight and played two months in before going to a doctor because her band couldn't afford it.
Now I see this complete douche cockcoozie scrote acting like a fucking rockstar. if he's a rockstar, he's a star of the rock comedy called 'stick my dick in a vagina made like a cheese grater'. i think i'll go throw up all over the place...