I would like to write my name in cursive across her flat little tummy.

He's a fuccen douche.
 

Looking that much like the picture on your t-shirt equals massive douche-i-tude.

Is it just me or does it look like the bleeth's neck goes right to her chin, which gives this picture a photoshopped feel?
 

His self-identifying tee shirt, and the accompanying penis on it lead me to believe he has no interest in Goldie.
 

This whole thing smells of sulfur.

Maybe it's because this picture is the gateway to hell.

Maybe it's because Rocker McPud reeks of fart.

Maybe it's both.

Either way, I'm nauseous.
 

There's something wrong with that chick...
 

Don't forget the RussellBrand-style jeans that are three sizes too small.
 

I really hate the way the douche’s plush, vibrant and nutrient enriched hair cascades towards his taut shoulders like a bubbling fountain of… ummmm… where was I going with this?
 

... I'm so confused.
 

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@crucial

Damn it, crucial, you're getting his hair confused with my long, lovely locks. Stop it. My hair is way better conditioned than this asshole's.

Also, he is either 7 feet tall, or she is 5'2", 4'8" of which is torso. Not that there's anything wrong with that, per se.
 

Goldie looks like a cardboard cut-out. Evidently Rocker Douche like playing with the box more than playing with the doll.
 

Attention all hatterz under 25:

Her boobs are real. Preserve this memory for your grandchildren.
 

Scissors beats paper.

...I would masticate an entire truckload of porta-potty leftovers from Douchapalooza if it meant I had the opportunity, nay, the privilege to sniff the latent stench of patchouli left on the plastic rim of the ten dollar water bottle Goldie's cousin Orangina tossed aside at this festival.

'cause I'm thirsty like that.
 

Can anyone discern what kind of beer he is drinking?
 

He doesn't bother me that much for some reason. Unfortunately, she's gonna look like current Sally Struthers in 20 years.
 

@ Massengill

Ain't beer. Looks like apple juice. 'Cause he's all hard-core and shit.
 

@Mr. White,

Wait. You're telling me that is NOT a picture of you???

If so, I just emptied myself into this tubesock for nothing.
 

You so wacky, Kate Hudson!

First the guy with the big nose from some goofball southern rock dingleberry fandango.

Now this low-rent Ian Astbury standin!
 

Oh my, she is an angel and he is f*g douchebag!
 

She's with him just long enough to steal his hair treatment secrets.


And his pot.


And Grateful Dead LPs.
 

Dick.
 

This guy is 48 years old. And in 1983, someone told him his look was really cool and he should stick with it. He has been rollin' ever since. He spends his weekend in the INXS Cover band, INSX.

Don't get me wrong, I love INXS, but I hate the cover band that plays on weekends, with Monte Hutchence, pictured here.

Dr. DB
 

He's just the right height for me to stab him in the nuts with a broken drum stick.

She's just the right height for me to play "Chopsticks" on her vibraphone-like ribs with my cockk.
 

Stay in school kids, for the love of god, stay in school.
 

It looks like she's trying to suck in a huge fupa...
 

I wish I knew all the life choices this man has made to get himself to where he is in this picture.

I would then produce a movie for the Hallmark channel about a kid who got a blowjob in the back of a custom van his junior year of high school while listening to Poison. This kid would dedicate the rest of life to reaching the pinnacle of 1987 coolness while the rest of the world moved on without him.
 

Goldie reminds me of how awesome that movie Overboard was.

The fat dude friend was fuccen hilarious.
 

INXS 4 EVA
 

@ Massengill 1:15

I'm thinking it's Corona for some reason.

I'm thinking he's a douchebag for obvious reasons.

I'm thinking she shouldn't wear the outfit if she has to try so hard to suck in her gut. She's not even fat. WTF, Blondie, relax! You can't give a proper BJ with your abs all contracted like that.
 

I think it's a cardboard cutout. And by "think" I mean "hope".
 

That's how many pubes he has.
 

that guy is embarrassing---
 

This one's making me woozy and stuff. Either her head is really small or much farther away than assbag douchehat. Plus her hairline appears to be somewhere near the middle of the top of her head. I'm concerned for her. I would also roll around in a most disturbing fashion on the spot where her tushie rested on the lawn.
 

I would ZRRBT her belly. Yes I would.
 

I'd pee in her curtains.
 

I call Photoshop.
 

@Medusa Oblongata: Sol.
 

The local ground squirrels are already plotting their revenge for his presence on their turf, and it involves entering his person through tears in his bluejeans.
 

speaking of Vegas rocker douches, this guy is probably a fan of The Killers.
 

It's totally a Sol.

Oh, and I think this pic is 'shopped... hot body on the Hott, but her face - the one that actually belongs to the body - he took it out and replaced it with someone else before he posted this on Facebook so his buddies back at the record store he works at would think he scored huge at The Festival. It's a tragedy amigos, but sometimes the "perfect" body just doesn't come with the perfect face... you have to improvise... photoshop, paper bags, doggie style... whatever works.
 

I'm pretty sure that dude's in Keanu Reeve's band Dogstar. He's the one that brings Keanu extra picks and bottled water flavored with pot.
 

Chris Cornellbag eats his corn the log way.
 

never has a shirt w/ the dude/ette from Dead or Alive on it looked so gay.

wait a minute...
 

She has a disproportionately small head.
 

Is the sideways peace sign some combination of liberal feel-goodidness and hiphop cred?

The result is a confusing and humiliating gesture. And funny.
 

Yes. It's the why can't we all get along, I'm gonna kick your ass sign.

Or it's just digested remains, just like poo.
 

I agree that there is something odd about the picture . . is there some kind of photoshop witchcraft going on with her head? It seems flat, at kind of an odd angle and a wee bit proportionally small for the rest of her body.

As for the douche, I congratulate him on looking like the non-pirate brother of the woman printed on his shirt. Plus, he's a fine example of the 'hippy metrosexual' look via his oh-so-rugged accessories - chunky ring, nail polish, wrist rag, carefully cut-up jeans, and two chains. Oh and he's not making the now-standard peace sign, rather he's indicating how may dollars a month he contributes to the rent.
 

Ha! FUCK I KNOW THIS GUY!! Thats Franko from the band Airspace! His music's actually pretty good... http://www.myspace.com/airspaceband
 

Nice work Frako you big fucken douche! Hahahaha.
 

LOL Franko moving up in the world from desh to douche. Fail.
 

Hes a fukkin FAGGOT no one likes him here in Auckland, he thinks hes sooooo fukkin cool, his bands sux ass.. dey sound like CREED! DIE FAKKIN FABIO FAGGOT!!! DIE!!!!
 

Bahahahahahaha this made my fucking night!! Hahaha
 

Oh yeah and the the guy above me? Sorry I Fucked yer girlfriend. Anonymous = Pussy
 

Shouldn't it be Hot guys with Slappa'z.com??
 

I'm sorry but this guy is just atrocious. How do you wake up one morning and decide to present yourself to the world as a complete tryhard douchebag. Hmm, which outfit today... I KNOW!!! The douchebag one to make people think I'm a rocker!! LAME doesn't even come close
 

haha anonymous, obviously some hip hop wanna be, give yourself some dignity dude and learn to spell, or at least not talk like a handicapped black kid. as for this dude hes got to be one of the most talented muso's i've known. so dont talk shit about what you dont know people.
 

i smell ed hardy.
 

that LOVE tattoo on his arm is so homo. what are you? 18? and emo? oh yeah he should stop busking on queens st and get a real job.
 

Haha busking on queen St?? I don't think I've eva heard of franko busking on queen St! He gets paid more to play 2 nights a week in bars than peeps that hav to work 50 hours . Who's the douche??
 

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Franko!!! can't believe you made this site, you know your getting popular when people start hating on you.. Hows the new all blacks song coming along? your about to make the big time and I can't think of anyone else that deserves it more - you are by far one of the nicest people I have ever met, don't let fame make you stranger..

laterz haterz !
 

Beauties a curse, jealousy is worse! Ha ha! If the only skill the people giving Franko shit have is their imagination, or their writing skills, no wonder their jealous! This girl is a good friend of his, his girlfriend is stunning (and awesome) he's a mean dude, and you will be kissing his ass soon, as you eat your words, begging to meet him, when he has made it......very shortly!
 

franko has a clean bum.
 

hahahaha when hes made it. bar gigs around auckland aren't exactly making it, nor are the all blacks or any of the many songs that were used in the past.. can you name those composers... cops they oviously 'made it' lamebuzz, walking failure, stick to desh.. pretty funny hes on this website though. this makes my day. success is in the eye of the beholder, so if he thinks he the man and noone else does, well good on him. but hes wrong hahaha.
 

I wanna know what the "Anonymous Douche" above does for a living? Apart from DOUCHING! Sounds like a jealous failfag...
 

Fuck i saw this dude play main stage at Beerfest in the weekend. He's fucking MEAN!! AWESOME VOICE! No reason why he shouldnt "Make It". One album Pleeeeaze! :-)
 

i slept with franko he has a really small penis and couldn't even make me cum!!! sooo not impressed quite the let down after all he did was talk himself up before hand also his poo fetish is weird so much pressure for me too poo on him.. just weird..
 

Ahh I slept with Franko too! And he made me cum all night, all he asked for was anal and I couldn't fit it in so you must have an XXL vagina!! Haha